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The surgery had lasted longer than Maya expected it to, and she'd spent the entire time anxiously pacing the floor of the OR waiting room. Dr. Teddy Altman had come to sit with her after a while, a good friend of Carina’s at Grey-Sloan and worried for her friend but clearly worried about Maya too. Teddy was good in a crisis and Maya had been immensely grateful for her steadying presence by her as she waited.
Eventually Dr. Miranda Bailey had walked out, the look on her face impossible to read.
“She’s okay. We had to convert to an open procedure to get control as her appendix was being a bit stubborn. We’ve also put an abdominal drain in to clear our her abdomen. You can go and see her in about half an hour once she’s settled on the ward, she’ll be in for a few days but we expect her to make a full recovery.”
The sigh of relief that Maya breathes out is huge, her shoulders sagging and her whole body slumping into the chair she’s sitting in.
“Thank you. Really thank you.”
“I’m just doing my job. I’ll let you know when you can go in and see her, how does that sound?”
“Great, thank you again,” Maya smiles as Dr. Bailey disappears.
Carina will be okay.
When Carina wakes up on Day 3 of being home from the hospital, something feels wrong.
She can’t put her finger on what exactly it is but she feels a little off as she lies flat on her back, staring at the ceiling. Her stomach has been feeling weird ever since the appendicitis but that’s not surprising - not only is she now missing an organ but they’d had to extend the incision to do a peritoneal wash to clear out the infection and debris from it rupturing.
It’s not that kind of weird though - maybe she’s just too warm, the sun is shining through the curtains despite them being closed and it's landing right on her.
She’s about to start trying to sit up when her wife appears from the bathroom and comes to stand beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to help her sit up.
Carina groans as she sits upright, her incisions aching. A shiver runs through her as the sheets fall away, exposing her skin to the cool air.
“Are you okay?” Maya asks, perching on the edge of the mattress next to Carina’s hip.
“Yeah I think just sore … I feel weird.”
She should have predicted that Maya wouldn’t just accept that answer so she’s not surprised when her wife puts the back of her hand to her forehead, frowning.
“You’re warm.”
“The sun has been shining on me, bambina.”
Maya isn’t satisfied though, getting up and going around to the other side of the bed to grab the thermometer from her own bedside table.
“You had a ruptured appendix less than a week ago, humour me?”
Carina smiles and nods, knowing her wife won’t settle until she gets her temperature.
“Do you have any other symptoms?”
Carina shrugs a bit - “I’m a little light headed, and I feel a bit nauseous but not really anymore than I already was. I don’t know, I just feel a bit strana.”
“That’s what you said to me before your appendix burst, I’m not playing around with strana,” Maya scolds as the thermometer beeps and she takes it out of her ear, frowning at it.
“You have a fever,” she states, turning it around to show Carina.
“Barely.”
“I don’t like it,” Maya sighs, staring at the thermometer as if it will give her all the answers.
“Bambina, I probably just caught something minor in the hospital, the guy in the bed next to me in the ER was coughing constantly and my immune system was down. But I am taking my antibiotics and I am resting, I will be fine,” Carina explains, cupping Maya’s cheek and turning her head towards her when she sees her starting to panic.
“We’ll keep checking my fever and I will take it easy,” she reassures, stroking under Maya’s eye with her thumb.
“You promise?”
“Of course … but only if I can take it easy from the couch because I’m fed up with these four walls.”
Maya laughs softly and nods, getting up then holding her wife’s hands to help her out of bed. She’s stiff and sore still so she’s grateful for the hand and Maya’s steadying presence as she breathes through the pain.
“You’re okay, take a second,” Maya whispers, holding onto her hips and letting Carina rest her forehead against her shoulder.
“Hurt more than I was expecting it to.”
“That’s understandable, you’ve not had your painkillers yet this morning. Let’s get you comfortable on the couch, get you some food and your meds and then we can cuddle.”
“Mmhmm.”
Maya isn’t happy with the way that Carina has been over the course of the day. Her fever has been slowly climbing even after taking medication to bring it down, as well as doing everything else they normally would to combat a cold or a fever. Except Carina doesn’t have traditional cold symptoms and she is clearly a lot more uncomfortable. She’s sweaty, sore and headachy which has rendered her generally quite miserable.
It’s only 7pm when Maya suggests that they go and get comfortable in bed. Carina has been shifting around uncomfortably ever since she’d picked at her dinner and honestly Maya thinks she just needs to be properly horizontal again. Her plan is to get her situated, change her dressings and see if Carina is comfortable enough to let Maya give her a quick wash with a washcloth to get some of the dried sweat off her skin. It will help the fever too.
Maya helps her lower herself into bed with an uncomfortable groan, propping her up with pillows and smoothing out her joggers when they end up all weirdly twisted under her.
“Is it okay if I change your dressings for you?” Maya asks, hovering beside the bed somewhat anxiously.
She waits as Carina considers this, her hands fidgeting at her sides with the sheets until she eventually nods, resting her head against the headboard with a sigh.
“I’ll be gentle, and I’ll tell you exactly what I’m doing every step of the way,” Maya promises, leaning down for a kiss and then going into the en-suite to get the supplies needed to change the dressings. She has two to change - one small one below her belly button where there was a drain for about 24 hours after the surgery to get rid of excess fluid, and the larger one where they had had to convert to open surgery to get control of the situation.
Back in the bedroom she sits down beside Carina, laying out her supplies and then looking to Carina for a nod of permission before helping her pull her top up.
Concern immediately grabs her as she notices that the main dressing is red around the edges although she doesn’t say anything to her wife yet, knowing that it could just be a little bit of irritation from the dressing itself.
She peels away the smaller dressing first, relieved when nothing immediately looks wrong so she gives it a gentle but thorough clean and then replaces the dressing with a new one.
She then moves onto the larger dressing, and unfortunately she can’t hide the look on her face as she peels it back - nor the smell.
“Oh god.”
“What? - dio, it’s infected isn’t it?”
Maya nods, trying not to gag at the smell. She breathes through her mouth instead, peeling the dressing back all the way so she can gauge the extent of the very obvious infection.
Turns out it’s the whole thing.
“How bad is it?”
“Umm…”
“Ma-yaaaa.”
“Quite bad. The whole wound is red and crusty and I’d say about 75% is weeping pus. And I don’t think I need to describe the smell to you.”
Maya looks up at Carina, her hands hovering uselessly over her stomach.
“That’s probably why my fever has been climbing.”
“Uh-huh.”
“We can clean and redress it and keep monitoring my fever, if it goes down then we know that’s what it was,” Carina says, already reaching for the supplies despite it clearly being a painful movement for her.
“No, I think we’re best off going to urgent care.”
“Maya, I don’t need to go to hospital, I’ll be fine, I know how to take care of an infected wound.”
Carina has that steely look of determination in her eyes. Maya knows she’s not doing it to be difficult but rather more because she likes to deal with things herself and not ‘bother’ other people.
“I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll take your temperature again, if it’s climbed by a degree or more in fahrenheit since an hour ago then we go to the hospital.”
Carina stares at her before finally giving in with a single nod, taking the thermometer as it’s handed to her and sticking it in her ear.
Meanwhile, Maya grabs her phone and dials Miranda Bailey - while she does know what to do she doesn’t want emotion to cloud her decision making and therefore she needs a level headed medical professional to weigh in. Plus, Miranda was the one who did the appendectomy in the first place.
The thermometer beeps and Carina takes it out of her ear and turns it around to show Maya.
0.9 degrees higher than earlier.
“Carina-”
“You said a degree or more, that’s less than a degree.”
“Barely, that doesn’t count - Miranda, hi. Carina’s surgical wound is infected and she's being stubborn about coming in to get checked out,” Maya reels off as Miranda picks up the phone, essentially cutting off her wife’s protests.
“Right okay … describe what you mean by infected.”
Maya repeats what she said to Carina earlier.
“Does she have a fever?”
“Yes, 102.4F, it’s climbed 0.9F in the last hour and she’s had acetaminophen two hours ago.”
Maya hears Miranda sigh on the other end of the phone line just as she feels something touch her hand. She looks over to see Carina’s fingers brushing the back of her hand and she takes it, giving it a tight squeeze of reassurance.
“I’d rather you came in, Carina. I know you have the skillset to treat an infected wound but if this progresses any further you may not be able to take care of it yourself and Maya doesn’t have as much training as you or I. You know how quickly an infection can get out of control too.”
Carina sighs and gives a tiny nod, resigned to the fact that she’s probably not getting out of this. Plus, she does just look miserable.
“We’ll come in.”
“Okay, I will meet you in the ER. Maya, do you feel comfortable cleaning and redressing before you come in?”
Maya hesitates for barely a second - it’s the best thing she can do right now.
“Yeah, that’s fine. We’ll do that, pack a quick bag and then head straight in.”
“I’ll see you soon then.”
The phone call cuts off and Maya takes both of her wife’s hands, giving them a squeeze. “I know the hospital is the last place you want to be right now but I will be there the whole time and we’ll get this under control nice and quickly, okay?”
Carina nods, giving Maya’s hands another squeeze and then letting go.
“Let’s just get this bit over with.”
“It’s going to hurt, and I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Carina whispers.
Except it’s not okay. It’s definitely not okay. Whimpers and sharp breaths of pain are interspersed with whispered apologies and reassurances. An arched back or pained cry interrupt them more than once and by the time Maya has redressed the wound Carina is breathing heavily, her cheeks tear stained and hands gripping the sheets so tightly her knuckles are white.
“I’m sorry my love, I know that wasn’t nice at all.”
“It had to be done,” Carina whispers, her voice crackling with unshed tears.
“It did … let’s pack a quick overnight bag and we’ll get you to hospital, bene?”
“Va bene.”
Upon arriving at the ER Miranda had met them at the door, convincing Maya that she wouldn’t leave Carina’s side while Maya parked the car and made it in.
Once she gets into the ER, Carina is already in a cubicle and hooked up to the monitors. Stepping away for a moment has made her look even more unwell, pale, and sweaty. Maya hurries to her side, their hurriedly packed overnight backpack swung over her shoulder. She takes Carina’s shaky hand, giving it a firm squeeze.
“While you were parking I’ve gone through some questions with Carina but she wanted to wait for you to be here for me to check on her surgical wound, is it okay if we do that now, Carina?” Bailey explains, turning to Carina as she finishes speaking.
Carina nods so Maya cups her cheek again, tilting Carina’s head towards her and keeping it that way. “Stay focused on me baby, I know it’s going to be painful but I’m right here.”
She keeps a firm hold on her wife as Miranda lifts up the top she was wearing and then snaps on some gloves and gently starts to peel away the dressing that Maya had re-applied, talking Carina through the whole process.
“You’ve got this, you’re doing so well my love,” Maya whispers as Carina winces with the pull of the adhesive against her sensitive skin.
“Maya, how long ago did you clean and re-dress?”
“Around an hour I think.”
“Did you happen to take a picture of the wound before you cleaned it?”
Maya nods, letting go of Carina with one of her hands to grab her phone and pull up the photo she took to show Miranda.
“What are you thinking?” Carina asks, her voice a little strained.
“I’m thinking you definitely have an infection, most likely staph,” Miranda replies bluntly. “I know you don’t want to hear that but I’m 95% confident. I will take swabs of the wound and send it off. I’ll also request for you to have blood cultures. Unfortunately they will both take at least 48 hours to come back so I think it’s best to admit you and start treating you as though you have a staph infection,” Miranda explains.
“Can you not put a rush on the blood cultures so we know what we’re dealing with?” Maya asks.
“You can’t rush biology bambina. That’s just how long it takes them to develop once the samples are taken,” Carina explains.
Maya blushes, looking down at her feet. “Oh - sorry, I didn’t know that’s how it worked.”
“Don’t apologise, blood cultures just take time and there’s nothing we can do about it. However I am fairly confident that we’re dealing with a staph infection so that’s how we’re going to proceed, the results of the blood cultures and the incision site swabs will just confirm it. Besides, the antibiotics she’s currently on haven’t stopped this infection so we would want to try something else anyway.”
Maya nods as she processes the information and then turns back to her wife, who is looking pretty fed up and exhausted between them both.
“How do you feel about that babe?”
Carina blinks, taking a moment to realise that Maya was talking to her. “Can Maya stay?” she asks, her voice small and scared. She looks so vulnerable all of a sudden and Maya’s heart breaks for her. She’s been through a lot in the past week.
“I’ll pull some strings. Let’s get this cleaned again and redressed and we’ll get you settled upstairs, okay?”
Carina nods exhaustedly, tilting her head back towards Maya and searching for reassurance.
It’s nearly midnight when Carina is eventually settled onto a general ward. She’s in a four bed room and the woman in the bed across from her hasn’t stopped coughing since they got here. Maya can’t be mad at her because she’s clearly not well but Carina is exhausted and battling an infection and she can’t sleep.
Miranda had managed to find a camp bed so Maya has it set up by Carina’s bed and she’s lying on her side, facing her wife. The camp bed is lower than the hospital bed so the angle to hold onto Carina’s hand isn’t comfortable but Maya does it anyway.
She’s not sure how much sleep she gets, but it’s not a lot. Carina is restless and uncomfortable, her hair matting to her skin with sweat and constantly shifting around to try and settle. The beeping of machines is also very distracting and Maya can’t take her eyes off Carina’s stats.
She's dripping with sweat, her hair sticking to her uncomfortably so Maya does her best to pull it into a bun on top of her wife's head.
She mentions it when a nurse drops by to check on her and she pauses, taking in Carina’s state, looking at the monitor and then back at Carina.
“I’ll get you some cool cloths which will help her cool down and I’ll speak to the doctor on call and see if we can start IV acetaminophen to manage her temperature.”
Maya nods, still holding onto Carina's hand as she shifts uncomfortably, half asleep and not fully taking in what’s going on around her.
She sits back down on the edge of the bed, eyes flicking between the monitor and her wife as she waits for the nurse to reappear.
“You’re okay, my love. I’ve got you,” Maya whispers, stroking her hair away from her cheeks gently.
Carina’s eyes flutter, squinting in her direction. “Maya,” she groans, grimacing as she arches her back slightly.
“Does it hurt?”
Carina nods, shifting herself around on the bed again.
“I know, they’re going to get you on IV meds and … here are some cool clothes so we can try and get you a little more comfortable, okay?”
Her wife doesn’t respond, just staring past her shoulder with glassy eyes and a trembling lower lip.
“I’m going to wipe you down with these my love, you can tell me to stop if you’re uncomfortable,” Maya tells her, getting a weak nod in response.
Maya’s chest is uncomfortably tight and her belly churns as she picks up the washcloth, wringing it out and then bringing it to her forehead. Carina gasps at the first touch of the cloth and Maya pulls it away.
“I’m sorry.”
“No … it’s okay. Just cold.”
“Okay.”
Maya leans in to kiss her forehead and then continues, wiping down her face, neck, arms, and feet. She then moves the bowl to one side, settling back down on her campbed and keeping a firm grip on her wife’s hand.
She’s not going to let her go.
At 5:30am, something wakes Maya up. Not that she was sleeping particularly deeply anyway.
Her wife is groaning quietly, her back arched and her jaw clenched in pain.
“Hey, hey,” Maya whispers, putting a gentle hand on her forehead. “I’m right here my love. Is it hurting again?”
Her wife utters out something that sounds like a yes through gritted teeth so Maya hits the call button, continuing to hold Carina’s hand and stroke her head while they wait for someone to appear.
Maya breathes a sigh of relief when Dr. Bailey appears around the curtain.
“She’s in a lot of pain, her stomach especially. And her fever is still so high.”
Dr Bailey nods, looking at the monitor before coming to stand on the other side of the bed. “Carina, can I check your wound? It might need to be cleaned again.”
Carina hesitates but then gives a tiny nod, her grip on Maya’s hand tightening. Maya squeezes right back, enclosing Carina’s hand in both of hers and leaning forward so their foreheads touch.
“You can tell me to stop at any point, Carina, you’re in control here,” Dr. Bailey reminds her.
Carina sucks in a sharp breath as Bailey begins to peel back the dressing and Maya presses a kiss to her warm cheek. “I know, I know. You’re doing so well.”
“It is infected again Carina. I’m going to clean it out then I’ll apply an antimicrobial dressing to help encourage wound healing and to kill the bacteria but I would like to take you up to CT and get a scan of your abdomen to make sure this hasn’t spread and become peritonitis,” Bailey explains before she starts to clean the wound as gently as she can. Maya has to breathe her mouth so she doesn’t gag at the smell - she doesn't know how Dr. Bailey does it.
“Okay,” Carina breathes out, her eyes squeezed firmly shut. “Are you going to change … ahh, cazzo, change the antibiotics too?” She breathes sharply through the pain of having her wound cleaned and redressed and Maya doesn’t leave her side, using her thumb to wipe away the tears that leak from under her eyelids and track down her cheeks.
“I will, you’ve been on these intravenously for a couple of hours but I’m not seeing much change so we’ll try something else. I can also start you on some stronger IV pain relief if you’d like.”
Maya can feel her wife hesitate at that and she brushes her thumb under her eye, getting Carina to look at her.
“I think pain relief might be a good idea, my love. You’re always telling me that rest is essential to recovery and you can’t rest as well if you’re in this much pain,” she explains gently.
Carina bites her bottom lip, breathing in sharply at another touch against her angry infected wound.
“Okay,” she nods eventually, tears brimming in the corners of her eyes.
“Hey, look at me,” Maya whispers, waiting until her wife’s gaze has met hers. “I know this is really scary and you’re in a lot of pain but you are in the absolute best place to be looked after - you literally brag to me all the time about how you work in one of the best hospitals in the country.”
Carina lets out a watery laugh, a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.
“And I will not be going anywhere, you’re stuck with me.”
When Carina is taken up to CT, Maya is under strict instructions from Dr. Bailey to take care of herself. So she goes to the bathroom, changes her underwear and washes her face, then heads to the cafeteria. She grabs a granola pot for breakfast as well as some bottles of water and various snacks to keep her going, then heads outside to quickly eat her breakfast.
She makes it back to the ward just as Carina reappears, being pushed along in her bed and apparently now asleep.
“Good news, the CT scan didn’t show any signs of peritonitis, so we’re looking at a nasty staph infection here that we are going to be doing our damndest to stop from progressing. I’m going to be clocking out of my shift very soon but I’ll be handing over care to Dr. Grey so she’ll be in very good hands. We’ll do regular checks and cleans on her wound and keep a close eye on her vitals. Hopefully when I clock back in this evening we’ll almost have the blood cultures back.”
Maya takes in the information slowly, giving a small nod and settling herself in the chair next to Carina’s bedside again.
“Thank you for convincing her to come in and get treatment. We would have ended up here eventually, but at least it wasn’t in an aid car and needing emergency surgery again.”
Bailey chuckles. “She’s almost as stubborn as you. You’ve done the right thing though, and she will get better. Maybe in a bit more time than you were expecting, but she will be okay.”
Maya takes a deep breath, trying not to cry at Bailey’s words. The last week has been so intense that Maya really hasn’t had time to truly process things, she’s just been worrying and caring and trying to hold it all together because she can’t break down when Carina is broken.
“Thank you.”
“Of course. Take care of yourself too Maya, you can’t look out for your wife if you’re running on empty.”
****
Carina sleeps for much of the day, which is good. She desperately needs to rest although it is a little awkward for Maya when seemingly half the hospital staff come to visit her. She knows that her wife is a popular woman but it’s a lot. Maya just wants to sleep or be fully focused on Carina and she doesn't feel like she can do that while also talking to her wife’s colleagues.
However, eventually, there’s a lull in the visitors and Maya rests her head on the edge of Carina’s bed, exhausted. Her head is pounding so she grabs the bottle of water on the floor and takes a few large swigs, hoping that the headache is just caused by dehydration.
Probably not, though.
She can rest her eyes for just a minute, right?
She doesn’t lie down, because then she definitely will fall asleep. Instead she rests her head next to Carina’s hip, one hand resting on her wife’s knee and the other holding her hand gently, reminding her that she's still there and not going anywhere.
Most of the day is spent with both of them drifting in and out of sleep although Maya always forces herself to be as alert and awake as possible when someone, either a nurse or Dr. Grey, comes to check on Carina.
She asks the questions and makes notes on her phone, because while Carina may be sleeping or not aware of her surroundings right now, she's still going to want to know everything that has gone on.
The sun is starting to set when Maya is startled awake by a cry and she lifts her head, it spinning slightly with the speed of her movement.
“Maya.”
Maya looks at her wife, whose eyes are darting around the room in confusion as her breathing and heart rate pick up.
“Hey, I’m right here. Carina, look at me,” Maya says, giving her wife’s hand a squeeze until she looks in her direction. “There you go, well done.”
Carina’s brow crinkles, her chin wobbling a little as tears fill her eyes.
“Where -”
“Where are you?”
“You’re in hospital my love, you’re at Grey Sloan. Your surgical site from the appendectomy became infected and you’ve been quite unwell,” she explains gently.
“Oh … staph?”
Maya nods, cupping her wife’s cheek and stroking it gently with her thumb. “We’re still waiting on blood cultures, but they’re pretty sure it’s staph. You’re on antibiotics, painkillers and fluids and your fever is starting to come down a bit, you’ve been pretty out of it all day.”
Carina nods without saying anything so Maya kisses the back of her hand, still stroking her cheek with her thumb.
“I’m not going anywhere, you just need to keep resting and healing, okay? You’re in really good hands here and your stats are already trending in the right direction. You are getting better.”
Maya watches as her wife cracks a small smile, tilting her head towards her. “You’ll stay?”
“Of course.”
****
By around midnight they get the results back from the blood cultures and it confirmed what Dr. Bailey had suspected- Carina has a staph infection.
“Even though your fever is coming down Carina, it’s not as fast as I would like so we’re going to try you on a combination of antibiotics to hopefully get on top of this faster,” Bailey explains.
“Okay,” Carina nods. “How long are you thinking I’ll be in?”
“At least another three days, we need to let these antibiotics run their full course and we’ll keep monitoring you. With how aggressive the infection was I’m not happy about discharging you until we’re sure it’s cleared.”
Carina lets out a dramatic sigh - she’s definitely not happy about being cooped up for so many days but Maya agrees with Bailey - she wants Carina to stay until they’re sure they’re on top of the infection.
Dr. Bailey leaves them be and Maya turns to her wife, running her thumb up and down the inside of her wrist gently.
“I know this is horrible, my love. But I’m not going anywhere, I’m staying right beside you, and you’ve got so many people here who care about you. You’re not alone.”
Carina’s eyes well up so Maya stands to hand her a tissue, handing it to her to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. “I’m sorry for scaring you,” she whispers. “Twice.”
“It’s hardly your fault babe, we both know these things can be completely random. You’re on the mend now though, so just keep focusing on getting better.”
“I won’t do it again.”
“Well it would be quite hard to get appendicitis again considering you no longer have an appendix,” Maya laughs and Carina chuckles too - the small sound a little strained but still music to Maya’s ears.
“Thank you for staying.”
“Always.”