Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Two years after leaving Inaba for the first time, Souji finds, at least, that all of them have managed to remain friends. Even with Rise and Naoto traveling between work and school all the time, Yukiko busy with the inn, and Souji and Chie away at their respective universities, Inaba always existed as their united haven, where they all meet back up from time-to-time to catch each other up on whichever parts of their lives they haven’t shared through messages and phone calls.

There’s a comfort they find when they all get together, that can’t be found in meetings between only a few of them, and it’s for that reason that they all make a point of setting aside time whenever Souji comes back. He’s putting the most time into his studies, but he can only go so long without everyone, and there are certain events he can’t bear to miss.

One of those, perhaps one of the most significant of all, is the last graduation they’ll all get to experience. It’s the ‘end of an era,’ as some would say, as Rise, Naoto, and Kanji leave Yasogami behind, and with it all the time they’d spent their together.

It’s bittersweet, to know it’s ending while knowing they’ll all be off on their own journeys soon, and the ceremony leaves both Souji and Teddie with tears in their eyes, Chie and Yukiko with heartwarming smiles, and Yosuke somewhere between, trying too hard not to look too happy or too sad and making a show of pointing out each of his friends’ reactions instead.

Everything goes off without a hitch, and Naoki delivers a touching valedictorian speech that has Yukiko and Chie’s smiles turning to tears as well, and after a vague but easily understood mention of his sister, even Yosuke isn’t immune to an emotional response to his words.

But they all make it out with eyes clear enough to leave with dry handkerchiefs, and the first dropped tears are on Naoki’s sleeve when he uses it to wipe his eyes as he steps of the stage and finds himself greeted by congratulations from Souji and all the rest.

Despite their parents’ wishes and desires to celebrate with them, the nine of them disappear to the hilltop to discuss their future plans. Yosuke’s been working his ass off for his parents to raise money to pay for college on his own without burdening them, and Naoki’s been reading a lot about wine while going to school and working at his parents’ store on weekends, and all of his goals surround working towards making their store the best it can be. Kanji and Yukiko have similar ideas, taking control of their family businesses with pride and excitement, and Teddie is reigning king of Junes, acting as a permanent mascot for the Hanamuras’ store as long as they’ll have him. Naoto’s detective cohorts have made it easy for her to further her education while still in the field, and Chie has been kicking some literal butt in the police academy. Rise’s as busy as ever, and can only imagine how hectic things will get now that she’s graduated and will have even more time to spare.

They all have such distinct directions, it makes Souji feel nothing but proud of them, and lucky to know such amazing people who have grown so much in the time he’s known them.

But at the same time, it leaves him quiet, taking in all their excitement and confidence in their plans, while he’s still so unsure of the direction of his own. What’s more, he finds himself nervous, realizing that several of them will not be tied to Inaba so permanently anymore, and how far their dreams could take them away from here, both in physical and emotional distance.

The feeling dulls his senses, sound indistinguishable and muffling around him, almost as if he was blocking it out entirely, and before he understands it, his pounding head is in his hand, and next to him, Kanji nudges his shoulder until he comes to.

“You alright, senpai?” he asks, and Souji dismissively shakes his head as he always does, nodding quietly and waving it off as drowsiness after the trip and the emotional events of the day.

“It’s a good thing we planned that sleepover then!” Teddie says, but it instantly earns him a shove from Yosuke under the table.

“Moron, we didn’t want to make the girls feel bad. There’s not enough room in Souji’s room even if it wasn’t weird for all of us to sleep together.”

“Don’t worry, Yosuke-senpai,” Rise smiles. “We’re meeting up with Marie-chan after she finishes work to do the same thing at my place.”

“Great minds think alike, don’t they?” Yosuke winks, innocently of course, and there’s a round of chatter and casual good-byes before they all part for the evening.

Souji however, finds himself hanging back behind his friends on the walk to Dojima’s, watching them with a smile that’s both fond and longing as Kanji and Naoki joke about the new store owner between their shops, and Yosuke and Teddie gripe about an unruly part-timer they’re glad to be rid of now that he’s graduated.

He doesn’t recall feeling this kind of loneliness before, not when he’s right next to some of the people he cares about most, feeling like they’re a world away instead of mere steps. He tries not to let it get to him though, clearing his throat to remind them all that he’s there and challenging them all to a race back, leaving them sweaty and hungry when a chipper Nanako welcomes them all back home with a full dinner prepared and a smile that briefly makes all of Souji’s worries drift away.

A few hours later, the boys are lounging around Souji’s room, each with a different sort of book in their hands; Souji absently typing something he won’t let anyone else look at, Teddie buried in yet another shoujo manga in a series he’s been addicted to recently, Kanji with a weaving guide he’s using as reference as he begins braiding Teddie’s hair, and Yosuke, with the latest issue of the idol magazine he has a monthly subscription to. In the midst of them all, Naoki doodles at the table in the center of the room and finds comfort in silently listening to and watching all of them together. It’s not much of a celebration, with them just lying around like this, but there’s a certain peace, knowing they can all be with one another without some sense of danger looming over their heads.

From his place on Souji’s couch, Yosuke’s ears redden and his eyes begin to twinkle with excitement as they come across a spread right in the center pages. “You guys have got to see this,” he chirps, sliding down onto the floor and spreading the magazine out over the table, sitting on his folded legs and hovering over it with a smirk. They can all see from where they’re sitting, so as much as Yosuke wants their attention, he doesn’t get much movement out of anyone, but they all lay their eyes on a brand-new bikini-clad photoshoot of Kanamin Kitchen, featuring an ever-shining Risette right in the middle along with Kanamin herself.

“Jeez, Yosuke-senpai,” Kanji sneers. “You’ve met all these girls and seen their ugly sides and you still act like they’re dolls.”

“I’ve already seen these,” Souji deadpans, prompting a defensively surprised Yosuke.

“How! This issue just came out today!”

“Rise and Kanami-chan both sent me pictures from the set the day they took it.”

“Dude...that’s so unfair. How did you manage to become friends with these idols like this?”

“You say that like you’re not friends with them too.” Souji leans back in his chair, eying Yosuke with amused skepticism.

“Well, yeah, but not like that. They don’t randomly send me cute pictures of their work stuff! I want to see too!”

“Maybe that’s why,” Kanji interjects, barely pulling himself away from braiding Teddie’s hair long enough to raise an eyebrow at him. “If they think of you as a fan, they can’t give you special treatment. Souji-senpai wasn’t a fan before meeting them so there’s no pressure and they can just share their work without bein’ leered at.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what Rise always says. I really like seeing them have fun though, after all they went through.”

“What she always says?” Yosuke grimaces in Souji’s direction, shaking his head as he flings himself across the couch in defeat and tosses the magazine on the ground in a dramatic display. “You make it sound like you talk to her more than me. Who’s your real best friend here!”

“I thought it was me,” Kanji perks up, fingers roughly tugging at Teddie’s hair and causing him to yelp. “Oh, sorry.”

“That’s silly, Yosuke,” Souji says plainly, his fingers clicking away, and after a few seconds, he unplugs his earphones and turns his computer towards the rest of the room.

“Senpai~! Huh?” Rise’s voice booms through the room, causing everyone in it to turn and look at the screen, where Souji has opened a video chat app and called Rise when none of them were looking. “So you guys had the same idea we did… Say hi everyone!” Rise turns her phone around to reveal Chie, Yukiko, Naoto, and Marie waving from where they sit in a circle on sleeping bags behind her.

Everyone in Souji’s room follows suit, waving and muttering their greetings at the girls while still going about their business. That is, everyone but Yosuke, who’s sitting up at attention the second he feels their eyes on him, picking up the magazine again and pretending to read it.

“Rise, who’s my best friend?” Souji asks outright.

“Huh? It’s not Yosuke-senpai?” She seems confused, and rightfully so, especially considering the confused look the person in question is giving the screen right back.

“See, Yosuke?” Souji smirks, wrist flicking his hand over, palm up, as if presenting these facts is something any of them should be impressed by. “Are you satisfied now?”

He’s fighting a shit-eating grin, but Yosuke is too embarrassed to find any humor in it right now, so all he does is throw his magazine right at Souji’s face and call him an idiot. Souji likes that just as much.

“Rise, Yosuke wants you to send him him more private pictures.”

“Dude!” If he hadn’t thrown it already, Yosuke would’ve hit Souji with the magazine at that point, but instead finds himself almost tripping over Naoki as he clambers to reach the computer screen and defend his point. “This guy made it seem way creepier than what I actually said--” What point?

Souji swivels his chair around again, facing the screen with Yosuke now hovered close over his shoulder and a bewildered Rise staring at the two of them through the much tinier screen on her phone. “Way creepier?” Souji questions. “You were jealous that I got to see those bikini photos.”

“Dude!!” Yosuke screeches again. “Not because of the bikinis!”

“That’s what he says, anyway,” Souji nods, meeting Rise’s gaze and knowingly smirking along with her. “You be the judge.”

“You’re both unfair,” Yosuke whines, running a hand through his hair as Rise bursts into laughter on the other side of the screen, where they see her collapsing comfortably in a plush chair, and the others’ voices fade into the distance.

“You’re still buying my magazines, Yosuke-senpai? That’s so cute.” Cute, Yosuke cringes, not finding it to be the most complimentary word in this context but waving it off just the same. “I’ll remember you next time I send Souji-senpai something then.”

“Really?” Yosuke’s head lifts up with a bright lilt in his voice, and Souji holds up a hand to his mouth so it’s blocked from Yosuke’s view, mouthing He’s so easy and prompting her to stick out her tongue with a wink. Though the context of their secret message is unknown to him, this exchange doesn’t go totally unnoticed by Yosuke though, and he’s quick to flick Souji in the shoulder with a huff. “This is why I switched to Kanamin~” he teases, smiling through the scandalized gasp from Rise’s mouth and picking up his magazine again and opening to the same spread, finger hovering over a random point in the text. “We even listen to a lot of the same music and eat the same foods. It’s meant to be!”

“You don’t really believe that do you?” Souji raises both his eyebrows at that one, face genuinely surprised instead of judgmental. “Those questionnaires would never be enough to decide something like that for me.”

“Aw, senpai, you mean you never check your favorite members’ answers to see if they match up with you? That’s so boring!”

“That’s not a realistic way to look at love, Rise.” Souji turns his back to the guys and focuses right on the screen now, blocking it for all of them at this point, but at least leaving the volume loud enough to hear Rise’s voice still.

“I know, I know. You’ve seen all the ins-and-outs so you know the answers are usually fake.”

“There’s that, but that’s not what I mean either.” Somewhat wistfully, he rests his chin on his hand, a thoughtful expression painting his face as he cocks his head to the side.

“Then, what do you mean?”

“Someone being ‘perfect for you’ isn’t about making a checklist and waiting for someone who can tick each of them off. It’s when… They’re exactly what you need, but you won’t realize you needed them until they show up and fill all the spaces in you that you didn’t know were empty. Someone who… You could never have imagined beforehand like that, because you had no way of knowing someone like that existed. I think that’s what love is.”

A hush falls over the room, and Rises shining eyes soon turn dreamy, leaning her mirrored wistful head upon her hand and staring longingly into the screen. “That was beautiful, senpai.”

Souji shrugs and waves it off, shyness hitting him in the form of a faint redness to his cheeks. “It’s just what makes sense to me.”

“It makes sense to me too,” Naoki speaks up, for the first time in a while, and it’s surprising enough that everyone turns to him in surprise, which only grows when he pauses a beat and proceeds to succumb to a fit of chuckles, the likes of which most people have never had the pleasure of seeing.

“What’s so funny…?” Kanji queries, as he puts the finishing touches on the final braid on Teddies head, patting it and fluffing his hair.

“I’m sorry for giving you such a hard time back then Souji-senpai,” Naoki shakes his head, eyes disappearing behind his amused smile. “I think you just perfectly explained why everyone seems to be at least a little bit in love with you.”

He says it like it’s nothing, and though Naoki’s always had a sharp tongue, it surprises even Souji, who finds himself unconsciously taking in an equally sharp breath and lifting a protesting hand. No one’s sure what exactly to say to that, especially not Yosuke, who suddenly feels like his legs are either made of gelatin or concrete, unable to move but feeling as if they could give out at any moment.

“T-that’s kind of a bold exaggeration, don’t you think...” Yosuke barely flinches, but Naoki shakes his head just as innocently as he had before.

“No, I don’t think so,” Naoki says softly, but without any hesitation, shifting closer to Kanji and peering at the open page in his text, fingers lightly brushing over one of Teddie’s new braids. “Kanji-kun, I’m impressed you were able to weave hair as skillfully as you do fabric.”

They quickly get lost in a conversation of their own, even managing to get Teddie involved once Kanji pulls out a mirror and gives him a good view of his work, but neither Souji nor Yosuke can shake off such a comment so easily.

“He’s kind of right, senpai,” Rise giggles, and Souji’s slow turn back towards the screen is interrupted when he meets Yosuke’s eyes along the way, and Yosuke’s legs do finally give out, something he’s lucky to be able to play off as a dive onto the couch, arm hanging off and ruffling Teddie’s hair just enough to send the three on the floor into a panic before making sure his hairdo wasn’t damaged.

Souji puts it out of his mind. “How do you mean?”

Rise strums her fingers along her chin, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “You just have this way of being...exactly what people need. We all gravitated to you because of it. You’re like a chameleon!”

“Heh, is that so,” Souji laughs, just barely, but Rise’s word choice has him feeling uneasy, like he can’t shake the words off the tips of his ears or from the pit of his gut. For reasons he can’t explain, it drains his energy, and his arm stretches in a yawn at the same time that Teddie finds himself doing the same thing just a few feet away.

“Aw, tired already senpai?” Rise whines, but her voice is gentle, and Souji has to wonder if she’s secretly tired too, behind her greater desire to talk to him. “I’ll let you go then. But don’t forget to call tomorrow, okay!”

“Of course I won’t forget Rise,” Souji nods. “Say good-bye everyone.” There’s a chorus of lazy good-nights from both sides of the screen, and Souji closes his laptop, unconsciously rubbing his eyes in a sudden burst of exhaustion, and he’s in a sleeping back on the floor before he even realizes what he’s doing.

“Whoa, you okay?” Yosuke reaches out an arm, pulling it back when he catches sight of his own hand nearing Souji’s shoulder and feeling self-conscious about it for the first time in a while.

“Just tired,” Souji says. “Sorry for ruining the mood.”

“No, you didn’t-- Hey, shouldn’t you be the one sleeping in your own bed?”

“Mm, you and Teddie can share it,” Souji waves casually, and before Yosuke can protest that any further – or Teddie’s delighted sounds of agreement – Souji’s head is on the pillow and he’s drifting off to sleep, leaving his friends to figure out the rest of the arrangements on their own.

Teddie does try to drag Yosuke into bed with him, resulting in an unnecessary quarrel in which Yosuke wonders why Teddie even has a right to the bed in the first place, and Kanji questions if Yosuke would rather share with him instead. Yosuke insists he’d rather not have to share with anyone at all, and that is taken as an unspoken agreement between Teddie and Kanji, who somehow manage to squeeze onto the bed together and force Yosuke onto the couch.

In all the scuffle, Naoki had quietly and very willingly taken comfort in the sleeping bag next to Souji’s on the floor, and after huffing about his own sleeping arrangements, Yosuke finds himself eyeing the two of them with jealousy. Not for their position; Yosuke, despite his outer layers of defense, knows deep down that he doesn’t really have to question Souji’s friendship. Instead, it’s Naoki’s ability to act and speak how he wants to, without any care for what people think of him that Yosuke envies.

Narrowing in on that thought, it occurs to Yosuke how much Naoki grew from meeting Souji, and how much his influence had helped him. He’d been such a big part of Yosuke’s life at the same time, that he’d even go as far as to say it’s thanks to Souji that he and Naoki are now friends, instead of the enemies Naoki had once claimed them to be. Naoki has probably always understood that, Yosuke thinks, as he pulls a blanket over his head, turning away from the sight of Naoki and Souji’s backs.

Naoki, Yosuke suspects, understood a lot more than he ever let on.

After deafening dreams he can’t seem to remember once he opens his eyes, Souji wakes to a room still dark and quiet calls of ‘Sensei~’ whispered directly into his ear. It almost feels like he’s still dreaming, until he waves his hand over the tingling in his ear and swipes fingers across Teddie’s nose, very real and present.

“Wh-- Time is it?”

“I don’t know… Everyone else is still sleeping though.”

“Including the sun?” Souji croaks, yawning himself awake and sitting up to meet Teddie, finding that the blond doesn’t seem so willing to joke around, even if he is wide awake in comparison. “...What’s wrong Teddie?”

Teddie rubs his palms on his knees, head down in a shyness Souji almost finds foreign, but his jaw is tight in determination. “I had a weird dream. A scary one. I thought the bad feeling would end when I woke up but it’s still here.”

“Oh...” Souji lifts up the corner of his sleeping bag. “Do you want to sleep with me?”

“Ah...” Teddie hesitates. “I’d love to, but… Wait, it’s better if no one else hears.”

Souji’s caught mid-yawn, when Teddie grabs him by the hand and pulls him up onto his feet, tip-toeing into the hallway and looking both ways to make sure no one is around. Souji’s barely awake, but Teddie seems unperturbed by the way he’s rubbing his eyes. Souji concedes. “Teddie, what’s going on?”

“Sensei,” Teddie hushes, voice more serious than Souji has heard in a long time, not since they’d met in the Velvet Room so long ago. “Something’s wrong… Over there.” Even just hearing those words, Souji stills, having put that sense of fear behind him for enough time that he felt a sense of security that he’d never have to worry about it again. He tightens his lips, angling towards the door and facing his back towards his room, a pointless attempt to block anyone from hearing them. He nods, signaling Teddie to continue. “There’s someone over there, but… I must be reading them wrong. The sensation is so strong I can’t shake it off, but it can’t be right.”

“Why Teddie?” Souji blinks, hands clasping on Teddie’s shoulders. “Who is it?”

Teddie frowns and wrings his hands together. “...You, sensei.”

They’re words that have haunted Souji’s dreams, in the past. It was hard enough facing versions of his shadow that weren’t even real, but the idea of having to face them has often been the source of his nightmares, and there’s nothing he can do to prevent the instant sinking feeling in his stomach when he hears them, Teddie’s eyes wide with concern.

“Sensei…? What do you want to do?”

Souji pauses, for only a few seconds, holding up a finger to his mouth and urging Teddie to whisper when he seems to have come to a conclusion. In a move Teddie would recognize as deft, Souji opens the door to his room and reaches for his sword, clutching it in his hand, and grabs Teddie’s with the other as he swiftly pulls him down the stairs towards the front door.

“Let’s go.” Souji offers as a suggestion, with every intention to bolt out of here without anyone noticing their disappearance, and Teddie is without any power or desire to stop him. Souji does stop to make sure they both put on shoes and jackets, but is otherwise unconcerned with dressing in any proper clothing, figuring that pajamas are still appropriate attire before sunrise. After they sneak past the early-morning stockers, Teddie allows himself to be dragged into Junes’ electronics department with nothing more than a single yell of protest before Souji hushes him. He’s gotten more careless about it over time, but Souji at least remembers to make sure no one’s looking in their direction before he takes hold of Teddie’s hand and jumps into the TV without warning.

When they land on their feet, Souji feels the atmosphere shift, his skin and eyes no longer used to the surroundings after so much time has passed, and even after he puts his glasses on, it takes a few moments for his knees to stop quivering and his ears to stop ringing.

“Sensei?” Teddie asks for the 10^th time, finally reaching Souji after trying to shake him into reality. His bear form lacking any opposable thumbs makes it more difficult, but he manages to reach him once he resorts to giving Souji a gentle shove.

“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?” Souji muses, pushing up his glasses with a smile in such a typical manner that Teddie offers him a smile right back.

“Sensei, are you sure it’s a good idea for us to be here without everyone else? We all made a promise not to go in alone after last time...”

It’s not as if Souji’s forgotten, and his softened stance and hand rested on Teddie’s head assures them both of that. “I’m not alone, Teddie, I have you. We’ll get in and out so quickly no one will even notice we left in the first place.”

“That might be hard, sensei,” Teddie rubs his head. “I don’t know what it means but your scent is bear-y strong in here. My nose might be out of practice but I know sensei’s scent when I smell it, and it’s all over the place! It’s like there’s an army of you!”

Souji looks around, fog thick enough that even with his glasses he can tell that Teddie’s guidance is a necessity, and he gives a surrendering nod. “Take me to the closest one.”

Chapter Text

As it turns out, finding the first shadow doesn’t take long.

The two of them don’t get more than three steps ahead before a figure cartwheels out in front of them in a flash of gold and white, and when it settles into a standing position, they’re both taken aback by a strange version of Teddie’s human form standing before them.

At least, it looks like Teddie at first glance; blonde hair and white Junes shirt and black pants, the trademark red flower the topping on the outfit and a flamboyant pose to punctuate the ensemble. But this figure is much too tall and its eyes are yellow instead of blue, and the more Souji focuses on the face, the more he realizes--

“Sensei, he looks just like you!” Teddie waddles up to the stranger, using his low height to his advantage and peering up curiously. “Aw, it’s a wig. Your shadow’s playing around!”

“Shadow?” Souji blinks, both surprised and put off by how casually this seems to have happened, how little fear or apprehension either of them seem to be feeling in the presence of what would normally be considered an enemy. He reaches out to touch it, but the shadow quickly assumes agile mannerisms again and does a back-flip away from Souji’s hand, clinging to its wig in a crouched position when it lands.

“Don’t touch!” The shadow shouts, in what is unmistakably Souji’s voice. “I’m not playing around. This appearance is cute. Everyone loves Teddie when he looks like this. Teddie stands out, so maybe I’d stand out if I looked like Teddie...”

It sounds so innocent that Souji almost can’t believe he’s watching these words come out of his own mouth – well, sort of – but instead of shame or regret, Souji finds himself chuckling, holding his stomach and looking over at Teddie, who seems to be so happy that his feet are bouncing unconsciously.

“Sensei, you really think I’m cute?”

Souji nods. “Of course. I didn’t stand a chance against you in the pageant. There’s a reason everyone finds you so charming. My looks don’t stand out much, but I’d be lucky to be as cute as you.”

It’s difficult to tell through the costume, but the way Teddie’s sputtering, Souji is able to anticipate the hug that the bear immediately throws at him, knocking him over onto the ground and causing Souji to laugh once more.

“What, that’s no fun!” His shadow calls, somersaulting towards them and making a blubbering face close to what Souji can imagine is happening inside Teddie’s costume at the moment. “You can’t just give up your inner thoughts and secrets that easily! Then I’ll have to disappear!”

Souji stares, wide-eyed at his shadow, inexplicably comforted by the weight of Teddie’s furry body on top of him, similarly staring with curiosity as the shadow whines in their direction. “Inner thoughts?” Souji questions him.

“Teddie is lucky,” Souji’s shadow pouts, kneeling on the floor with his hands on his legs, fingers curled inwards. “Teddie knows who he is now. It may be simple and he may not be human, but he knows who he is! Simple is good… Teddie feels what he feels and thinks what he thinks and never questions any of it anymore… People love Teddie for exactly what he is because he has nothing to hide. Teddie’s amazing… Teddie’s lucky. I want to be like Teddie. No past to hide from or future to be afraid of. Teddie’s just Teddie.”

“Stop talking like that--” Souji interrupts the shadow, fist balled as Teddie himself climbs off and eyes Souji sympathetically. “It isn’t cute when it comes from me, heh.”

“I think it’s cute,” Teddie frowns, standing with his paws on his face and shifting his eyes between Souji and his shadow. “I never thought someone like you would think so much of me, sensei.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Teddie,” Souji muses with a soft smile, stepping before his shadow and patting Teddie on the head as he passes. “I’ve always thought that being Teddie would be a lot of fun. He enjoys every day because he sees it more purely than the rest of us. He’s like a kid who never has to grow up, and I’ve been jealous of him for that…” Souji reaches out his hand, waiting for the shadow to take it before he pulls him up onto his feet and ruffles his hair, yanking the golden wig off his head when he has him distracted. “But that’s not realistic of me. Teddie is always growing too. I have to accept growing up and figuring out who I am is a part of life… Even if I don’t always like it.”

“I don’t always like it,” the shadow pouts.

“I never like it,” Souji admits, head hanging as he ruffles the wig in his hands, and after a moment, he puts it on his head, stuffing his hair all the way inside and turning towards Teddie, flashing a peace sign. “How do I look?”

“We’re like twins!” Teddie beams.

It makes Souji laugh, and makes him wish he had a mirror, but the shadow crosses its arms, frowning adamantly until Souji turns to face him again. “You’ve never met my parents, Teddie, but they treated me like an adult really early on. You remind me of the kid I never got to be. A few times I considered jumping in that bear suit with you and never coming out.”

And it still feels like a desirable idea at times, like when assignments pile up on a list too long, or when the deadlines are approaching too quickly, or when days on his calendar fill with overlapping schedules he isn’t sure how to juggle. In those moments, Souji sometimes thinks of Teddie, and how his lack of legal identity absolves him of so much.

But Souji isn’t Teddie.

As unfortunate as it is, Souji knows that, and reality brings him down from his joyous delusion, the wig vanishing from his head when he turns toward his shadow and waits for its anticipated nod.

Instead, Souji’s acceptance causes his shadow to trap him in a sudden tight hug, arms gripping Souji so tightly he feels his breath stolen from him, until the shadow too disappears, leaving behind a floating card of the star arcana in front of him. When Souji takes hold of it, the usual sensation overcomes him, but there’s something else too, a tingling in his head and hand and a flash before his eyes.

When everything calms, the tingling spreads, and Souji feels a spark inside him when he turns around and looks at Teddie’s bewildered face in front of him.

“Sensei’s shadow...” Teddie sighs, paw scratching where his chin would be. “I thought it would be more exciting than that. But it’s just like sensei to be more calm and collected than everyone else.”

“More exciting?” Souji thinks aloud, body still tingling in a way he doesn’t recognize despite all he’s experienced in this world, and the feeling strengthens when he looks at Teddie, a slight waver when he looks in specific directions. “Hold on… Wait here.”

Not waiting for a response, Souji jogs down a pathway, just enough to put Teddie out of distinct sight but still within shouting distance. Even though he can’t see him, Souji somehow senses exactly where Teddie is, and with a deep breath and eyes closed, Souji imagines himself back at the entrance, and the dumb grin on his face is genuine when he opens his eyes and finds that’s exactly where he is.

He hears Teddie’s shocked screams, but Souji’s too excited to bother with them yet, and jogs twice as far away this time, so much he can’t see or hear Teddie anymore. But he still senses him, further in the distance but still identifiable. He wills himself back to the entrance once again, and this time he grabs Teddie’s head with both hands when he arrives. “Teddie, your powers are so cool.”

“My powers!” Teddie yells, both out of understanding and surprise, and takes an intimidated step backwards. “You have my powers?”

Heart racing, Souji lifts his hand and turns it around, seeing no difference at all but distinctly feeling one. “Kamui-Moshiri,” he whispers. “I feel it. Your persona.”

“That’s amazing, sensei… Now it’s like you don’t need me at all.”

The realization hits Souji how correct Teddie is, and he closes his fist, a long silence hovering between them until Souji kneels on one knee in front of his friend. “There are still more shadows… This one was underwhelming like you said, so I think I’ll be fine with the rest too. Especially now that I can get back safely on my own… Maybe you should go back and let me take care of it.”

“No way,” Teddie growls. “Then you’d really be alone. You made a promise.”

“It’s different now. Being alone isn’t as dangerous anymore. As long as I accept every shadow until they disappear, I’ll be fine.”

“But sensei--”

“Right now we’re both in here without telling everyone where we went. You need to go back and make sure no one gets worried. Don’t tell them I’m in here… If it gets too dangerous I’ll get out as soon as possible.”

Souji’s quite persuasive, and Teddie lacks the expression to argue back, especially when he’s making good points and when Teddie is so confident in his abilities. He has no footing, and what’s worse, he’s sure he couldn’t win a true argument with Souji even if he tried his hardest, so Teddie gives in, and presents Souji with the one and only Goho-M on him just in case, before he leaves him with a solemn wave.

There’s an excitement that washes over Souji when he finds himself standing there alone, with new powers surging through him that he now has the perfect opportunity to play with. It almost quenches the fear that comes along with the ever-present knowledge that each step brings him further from safety, and the constant awareness of how much louder his footsteps feel on the ground when there’s no one else around to fill the silence.

He doesn’t understand it, but Souji feels where to go, and though he feels shadows pulling him in multiple directions, he knows the safest bet is to head towards the nearest one and take care of them one by one.

It can’t be that difficult, can it? He knows already how badly things go when they start denying their shadows. And Souji finds himself lucky enough now to not have anyone to hide from or feel embarrassed in front of. As risky as it is, being alone may be an advantage in that regard, and though that knowledge doesn’t calm Souji’s nerves entirely, it makes things seem much less intimidating. Logically, that is.

Logically, none of them should be any sort of threat.

Logically, Souji knows, he should have nothing to worry about.

But shadows aren’t as fond of logic as Souji is.

As easy as it is to sense them now, the walk towards the next shadow isn’t any shorter thanks to his new skill. If anything, it seems to be getting further away with each step, direction changing every so often and leaving Souji confused, temptation too strong for him to avoid testing out the abilities Teddie had given him. Through trial and error, Souji discovers with great disappointment that a quick way back to the entrance is the only teleportation he’s capable of, something he realizes too late to prevent the significant drain in energy after several attempts.

He shouldn’t need any magic, not if he plays this the right way, but it’s not worth the risk of leaving himself empty and exhausted, so he decides to conserve every last bit of it, and relies on his physical strength to carry him on.

He breaks out into a run towards the nearby shadow this time, concentrating on nothing but the sensation that draws him towards it as his feet tap against the long empty corridors. The running does help, he finds, and no longer feels like it’s out of his reach. The fog around him begins to fade, and in the mist he spies another figure shaped exactly like his own body – thankfully without a disguise. More chilling, he notes once the fog clears that he’s inside the Amagi inn, standing at one edge of the long hallway, walls lined with doors to individual rooms, while his shadow cowers at the other end.

“You,” Souji calls after it. “Stop running and face me.”

The shadow gasps, turning to Souji in a state of panic and flinging out its arms, and Souji can see that it’s holding a folding fan between its fingers just before it shoots a ball of fire out of it, a near-miss that Souji is lucky to duck away from in time. “Stay back!”

“Why?” Souji asks. “Shouldn’t I be the one running from you? Don’t you have something you want to say to me?”

“Not so fast...” The shadow drops its head, looking solemn instead of threatening, but Souji knows better than to underestimate any of them after everything he’s learned. “How can you protect me if you can’t even protect yourself?”

It’s cryptic enough that it isn’t a proper warning for Souji, and when the shadow spins into a fouetté turn, the fire that flies through the air towards Souji is faster and more finely aimed, and he’s unable to dodge quickly enough to walk away unscathed. The hair atop his head singed, and sweat on his forehead, both nothing compared to the burn he feels across his cheek where the fire had scraped past it, forcing him to waste another precious amount of energy on healing himself. So much for conserving.

“What is it I need protection from?” Souji bites, hand clenched into a fist that he presses into the floor to push himself back onto his feet. “What sort of threat would make me feel so weak?”

“I don’t know!” The shadow barks back, instantly hiding its mouth behind its hand. “Nothing. Everything. Anything! It’s not about danger!”

“Then what is it about?” Souji halts, feet planted to the ground in an adamant refusal to get closer than he needs to, knowing what kind of power is ready to set him ablaze at any moment.

The shadow kneels, curling in on itself until it’s all the way down into a sitting position, legs folded over one another and arms bent across his chest to tuck his hands under his biceps. “If someone truly loves you, they’ll protect you from anything. If they can’t do that, what’s the point!” Like guns from holsters, the shadow pulls both hands out, now brandishing two fans instead of one, and it staggers their fire, and even with Souji’s deft reflexes, he only stands a chance against one of them.

He successfully dives out of the way of the first flame, but he braces himself for impact for the second. Only it never comes.

At the last instant, there’s a flash in front of him, and Souji looks up to a splash of water across his face instead of the fire he was expecting. Frantically wiping his glasses and face, he sees through his blinking another of his shadows in front of him, ironically acting as protection. “Sorry, I guess my ice shield melted on impact!”

The shadow laughs and throws up another, just as the shadow in the corner is racing towards it with both fans out, and a stream of flame that twirls and extends all the way down the hallway, so hot that Souji cover his face on instinct. The nearer shadow continues with its defense, and through gaps in his fingers he can see the ice shield grow to twice the size of his body until it melts at the same instant it extinguishes the stream of flame.

“Protecting others is much more satisfying,” it laughs, energetically bouncing from foot to foot in a way that seems just like--

Oh.

It’s all beginning to make sense now.

The fire-savvy shadow draws closer, shooting swift, tight flames towards Souji’s other shadow instead of Souji himself now, but the ice-friendly one is quick to fend off each and every one of them with quick bursts of ice that line up perfectly with them. Each move between them meet as if they were mirror images of each other, equally powerful and leaving both shadows standing upright without any negative effect.

“Needing someone else to save you from everything is weak!” One shadow smirks with a triumphant roundhouse kick through the air. “You really feel a sense of self-worth when you know someone else is weak enough to need to rely on you instead.”

“What good is that self worth if you don’t have anyone who’d do the same for you!” The fiery shadow spins again, pirouette higher this time and more aggressive, but with the emotional distress overcoming the situation, it fumbles on its toes and crashes to the ground with a frustrated cry as its knees hit the floor.

The icy shadow’s face hardens, raising its arms and readying an attack, but already Souji is concerned enough to not want to see any more. He wipes the mixture of water and sweat from his face, setting a hand on the shadow’s shoulder from behind and giving him a nod when it turns around.

“Both of you stop,” Souji says sternly. “If you’re both parts of me, why are you fighting each other like this? You’re two opposites, how can you exist in the same person?”

“You should be asking yourself that!” The shadow cries from the floor.

And Souji does.

He pauses there, wondering when exactly that started, when his own thoughts began to confuse him and leave him so unaware of what it is he truly wants. So many of his childhood years were spent letting things happen to him without question, and after a while, without consideration for how he’d really felt about them. Putting up a fight, he learned, was never a good idea.

“Meeting everyone here gave me a reason to care about myself again,” Souji thinks aloud, stepping between the shadows in hopes of stopping their fight. “They think of me as a hero, and it’s not like I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt that they saved me more than I’ve ever saved them.”

His steps are hesitant, as are the words hanging just beyond his lips and struggling to make their way out, but Souji is earnest when he takes a hand from each of the shadows and joins them together, placing his own hand over their clasped ones.

“I need both sides. Both of you. I need the reminders that they’ve all done so much to protect me and always will, and that I’ll always do the same for them. That’s what true friendship is about. It’s not one-sided, it can’t be. Even if I don’t know which role defines me, I won’t stop fulfilling both.”

Souji’s shadows look at him and then at each other, and nod, all four hands joining together in a tender embrace that causes the ground to lightly shake, atmosphere fogging up again as the two are surrounded by a flurry of flames. A strong shield of ice forms around the fiery vortex, but instead of melting in the heat it collapses in on itself, a force strong enough to push Souji back and out of the way of the blast.

Silence follows, and Souji watches as two tarot cards fall from above and into each of his hands. This time, he knows exactly what it means when he grips them, and feels Chie and Yukiko’s ultimate powers take shape deep within him.

When he opens the sliding door to exit the inn, what he finds, instead of the aesthetically vibrant scenery he’s used to, is the tiny, dark back room of the police station, a room that sends a chill up his spine on sight, the memories of his last visit so vivid despite how long it’s been. The room is lit only by the single lamp, shined on the table in the center, where another shadow with Souji’s body sits with his legs crossed. There sits Naoto’s signature cap on his head, and a childish superhero cape around his shoulders, and when Souji takes a closer look, he notices the gun resting in his lap.

“Infantile.” the shadow whispers into the light. “Thinking no one would take her seriously if they knew who she really was. As if being underestimated is so bad… She should try the opposite.”

“Don’t speak ill of Naoto,” Souji interrupts him, stepping around the side of the table and adjusting the lamp, facing it upwards so it better lights the room and stops creating unsettling shadow puppets on the wall. “She’s been through a lot.”

The shadow cocks his head to the side, gripping the edges of the cape and flinging it back, enjoying the sound it makes and following it with a flourish. “Sure.” His index finger slips through the trigger hole of the gun, and the shadow spins it repeatedly, making Souji feel uneasy. “But what a different life you’d have, if you knew what it was like to be underestimated. For the rest of her life, she gets to know the feeling of proving people wrong, and have that be a good thing.”

Souji’s eyes close, and both of his hands grip the handle of his sword, giving it a slow, defensive swing. “You mean my parents.”

The shadow nods. “It’s so much worse, having all these expectations you can’t live up to, and feeling that crushing guilt every time you fail to do it. It would be much easier to be someone else. Either someone incapable of disappointing anyone, or someone so useless that no one expected anything of them-”

“That’s childish.” Souji’s words are surprisingly harsh, and it almost feels like someone else said it even as the words come out of his mouth, and he bites his lip, hushing his protests. He’s good at that.

“Maybe. But who ever said you were so mature? No one who knows the truth would.”

That cuts through Souji like a blade, a discomforting twist in his stomach and a lump in his throat accompanying the lift of his sword, the sight of the gun in his mirrored self’s hand still keeping him on edge and acutely aware of its position at all times.

This doesn’t go unnoticed to the shadow, who climbs back up onto the table, legs raised and setting against the chairs so his position is a crouched one as he gazes at Souji with pity. “Relax, I’m not going to shoot you. As if you’d ever have the guts to point a gun at another person, you chi--”

“There’s nothing childish about not wanting to hurt anyone!” Souji surprises himself by how defensive that makes him, but he can feel his blood pressure rising for reasons unknown, and suddenly having a weapon in his hands seems like something as uncomfortable as being without one, so he tentatively sets it on the cot behind him, locking eyes with his shadow, who scowls.

“Violence is pointless and ineffective. Anyone wise knows that emotional trauma leaves scars that plunge deeper and last longer than any physical trauma could.” It stings, the way the shadow speaks its truth, but even worse, how he seems to sound just like Naoto when he says it, saying words he knows she’d never utter. But maybe he would. Maybe that’s scarier. The shadow watches Souji carefully, and upon seeing the darkening color under his eyes, seeing how this whole ordeal is already draining him, it smirks, and slowly raises the gun, pressing the barrel to its own temple.

“Stop” Souji whispers harshly, without the shadow ever threatening or making a single following move.

It smirks. “Why does this make you so uncomfortable? There’s no reason to fear it unless there’s a part of you – even the tiniest scrap of you – that might secretly consider pulling the trigger.” Souji chills. It makes him sick to his stomach to even hear the words, and he turns away, taking a deep breath through his rushed swipe for his sword, which he uses in his lunge towards his shadow, silencing it.

“Hm?” It raises an eyebrow, unperturbed by the tip of Souji’s sword now pointing at his throat. “It seems I’ve struck a nerve.”

“No. I’d never… I would never.” His voice is biting, deeper than he thinks he’s ever stretched it before, his throat scratching from the sheer effort at which he pushes that insistence out of himself.

“Really?” The shadow questions, incredulously eyeing Souji without a single waver in his gaze or in his voice, and he removes the gun from his head and points it at Souji instead. It aims right between his eyes, his index finger hovering over the trigger, teasing it. “How do you feel now?”

That’s enough for Souji. All it takes is a deep breath and he’s in full battle mode, knocking the shadow’s arm at the crook of his elbow, attempting to knock the gun from his hand but the plan backfires; the shadow’s finger already having such a strong hold on the trigger results in an unconscious pull, the natural clenching of his fist when attacked by Souji, and the gun goes off, shot so loud in the tiny room that Souji drops his weapon and falls to his knees where he stands, covering his ears with his hands and shutting everything out.

The shadow whistles in amusement before it kneels down in front of him, reaching out to admire the rip in the bicep of Souji’s jacket, finger tracing along the bloody scrape between the cuts of fabric. “I wasn’t even going to shoot you. See what panicking gets you? You know better than that.”

You know better than that.

The words echo through Souji’s mind so deeply that they resonate through the world around him, and he’s reminded of his parents, and how often they’ve used those words against him. It has him still, holding his palms clasped over his ears until the ringing stops and he can finally look up at his shadow indignantly, pushing up his glasses with a flourish.

“Have you forgotten so easily? If it’s a fight you want, I’ll give it to you. But we all know how this ends.” Souji grinds his teeth, shoe planted on the ground as he pushes himself onto his feet so he can stare his shadow down instead of letting it do the same to him. The shadow is right and Souji knows it – this won’t end until he’s acknowledged him, and even though Souji is confident in the strength he’s built over time, he can’t risk going into a fight alone with no one to heal him if something goes wrong. He can’t delay it any longer without risking potential injury.

“I guess I used to want an escape,” he groans, voice weakened by the stress piling on him through the admission. “It wasn’t like that. You’re right. I was childish. All the expectations and the pressure, and everything my mind threw at me. I thought about the easiest way to make it all stop at once.”

The shadow follows Souji onto his feet, calm now, tossing the gun between his hands with ease, and as Souji’s eyes hyper-focus on it, it looks more fake than it had before, hollow and meaningless, threat seemingly neutralized altogether now that he’s acknowledged it. The shadow seems satisfied, and covers the gun with both of his hands, crushing it with ease and balling it up into a sphere of light, which absorbs the shadow itself, and after a flash it transforms into a card just like the previous two, and Souji knowingly takes it in his hands.

But now he’s aware, of the silence around him and the concrete walls, and more importantly, of how worn out he is, and of the blood trickling from the wound on his arm. With no more than a single Goho-M in his possession and his energy reaching its limits, he begins to question whether or not he can really go on like this. He knows the answer to that is no, but that only fills him with a different kind of dread – knowing he has to let someone in.

Going home to sleep is impossible. He can’t let a day pass without this taken care of, whatever it is, and if he makes an effort to go into town to get supplies, he’d be spotted by enough people to draw attention that would force him to explain what’s going on to more people than he’d ever be comfortable with. His options here are limited, but he knows what he has to do.

He makes his way out of the police station, but instead of the inn on the other side of the door like he’d expected, Souji feels an intense, humid heat wash over the area, and it has him sweating. Whatever it is, it has to wait, and Souji uses his one and only Goho-M to summon himself back to the entrance. He only goes as far as the other side of the TV in Junes, not taking even a single step outside the electronics department and dialing Rise’s number with shaking fingers.

He almost feels guilty when she answers with a voice so excited to hear him that he’d find it hard to believe they’d seen each other only the day before, and Souji has to collect himself before begging, his voice hushed and serious. “Rise. I need your help.”

Rise’s excitement transforms into nervousness so quickly that Souji can almost feel her disappointment through the phone, but there’s no hesitation when she replies, “Of course, senpai. What is it?”

Souji beckons her to Junes, regrettably refusing to explain over the phone and requesting her hurry in comfortable clothing and to not mention it to anyone. That part is hard for her to accept, knowing very well they’d all agreed not to keep secrets from each other like this, but at Souji’s begging, she eventually agrees, and meets him right in front of the TV within minutes.

Before she has a chance to say anything, or even greet Souji, he holds up a finger to his lips, taking her hand in silence and jumping into the TV with her, and it isn’t until they reach the TV world again that Souji gives in and shows Rise his injuries. “Can you heal me?” he requests before he even gets a proper greeting out, and Rise audibly gasps when she sees the blood dripping from his arm.

“Senpai what happened!?” Her shocked voice rings through the entrance hall, causing Souji to laugh and shrug at her, but Rise hurries to summon her persona and thoroughly heal him to 100% before asking a single question.

“Thanks,” he nods, running a finger over where his cut seems to have disappeared completely, and dons a cocky grin. “Too bad you can’t use your powers to fix my jacket too.”

“What’s going on, senpai?” She ignores his jokes, helping him onto his feet and holding both of his biceps in her arms, refusing to break his gaze or let him avoid the question.

“I don’t know,” Souji confesses truthfully, even if that does make him feel even worse about it. “Teddie came to me and told me he sensed me in here even though he was with me outside. Ever since I got here I keep encountering my shadows. The last one was tougher than I thought it would be...”

“Shadows, plural? You do have all those personas, I can’t be surprised you’d have more than one shadow too...” Closing her eyes, Rise holds onto him, taking a few long, quiet breaths and returning to a level head when she looks at him again. “Whatever Teddie was sensing, I think I sense it too. It’s like I can feel your presence around me even though you’re standing right in front of me… There are more shadows, aren’t there?”

Souji nods. “Based on what’s happened so far, I can guess there are probably three more.”

“And...you called me?”

Souji takes both of Rise’s hands and moves them from his arms, clasping them together between both of his own. “You can watch over me and protect yourself without ever having to fight. I’ll feel safer here if you’re with me.”

“Wow...” Rise blushes, cheeks beaming bright red and staring at their hands, feeling a strong intimacy between them that she’s always craved, always looked forward to. “Alright senpai. You’ve always protected us, so of course I’d be happy to return the favor...”

“I’d love to get both of us out of here as soon as possible… Can you help me find the next one?” He keeps his new powers a secret, for now.

Rise does just that, turning her senses on high and locking her aim on Souji’s essence, trying not to let it affect her that he’s standing right next to her. Eventually she locks on, and with a skip in her step, she pumps a fist and eagerly leads Souji towards it. “Let’s get him, senpai!”

With an amused smile, and stress already melting away now that Rise’s bright smile and comfortingly chipper demeanor has joined him, Souji follows, sticking close to Rise’s side until they reach the area he’d last left. The door he’d come out of, connected to a darkened police station, is now locked, with no sign of opening. Fine with Souji. He has no intention to visit that room ever again.

The humidity takes over again, sweat forming at Souji’s temples and similarly affecting Rise, who keeps quiet but can’t help but wipe her brow with her sleeve. There’s no street to accompany it, but intentional streetlights spring to life, flickering weakly with dull bulbs and revealing the front of the textile shop, and Souji knows. By now there’s no question, that he’ll be paying a visit to shadows addressing hidden feelings regarding each of his friends, but the understanding doesn’t come with any sense of relief. It’s easier said than done, acknowledging these things, and Souji is beginning to regret thinking it would have been so easy, when he’d watched all of them do the same.

Inside the textile shop, the walls are lined with handmade goods and stuffed animals, all crafted by Kanji’s hands, and the bright and playful colors would be a friendly sight were it not for the that that the room is totally empty. Save for a single folding chair in the center, on which sits another shadow wearing Souji’s appearance – and nothing more than a towel around his waist.

“Welcome~” The shadow drawls, brandishing a rose seemingly out of nowhere and bringing it up to his nose to sniff it. “I’ve been waiting for you. I see you brought a guest.”

Souji already doesn’t like this one.

Embarrassing it may be, neither Souji nor Rise feels particularly threatened even in the presence of a shadow, and Rise even goes as far as to chuckle, hiding her shy smile behind a hand. “I’ve never heard you talk like that, senpai.”

Souji knows better than to be so easily fooled though, and knows better than to let his guard down no matter how amusing Rise finds this appearance.

“We’re not here to play,” Souji calls to the naked, foreign entity. “So don’t get any funny ideas.”

“That’s too bad,” the shadow strides towards them, slipping right past Souji himself and sidling up towards Rise, tipping a finger under her chin and lifting it, face narrowing in on hers. “There are so many games I could think of for us to have fun with.”

“Senpai...” Rise visibly tenses, her face flushing a deep red surely due to more than the heat, as she slowly trails her eyes over towards Souji.

It’s embarrassing enough for Souji to see himself acting like this, but for someone else to be present for it only makes that feeling worse, and Souji, for once, feels entirely out of his element. But Rise’s eyes are pleading, and that’s what has him more willing to put his sword between the two of them. The shadow instantly lurches back, eyes bright and open and mouth agape.

“Hey, I’m a lover, not a fighter,” it jokes, but it gives Souji little comfort.

“Just tell me what you want,” Souji snaps. “Let’s get this over with. It’s not like I don’t recognize your appearance – but I’m not about to debate my sexuality in front of Rise when I don’t--”

“We both know that doesn’t matter to you. Girls, guys, what difference does it make? You treat everyone the same and anyone could see that. Kanji really had the right idea there too...”

“Too?”

That questions plays right into the shadow’s intentions, and he seems to brandish a drink out of nowhere, swirling it in his hand as he strides in a circle around Souji and Rise’s stiff bodies. “We’re more like Kanji than anyone would think. That craving for acceptance is so familiar, isn’t it? But ours is much more selfish. Kanji was so lucky, to have desires so simple. Acceptance from anyone, right? So selfish, how you’ll never be satisfied unless you’re accepted by everyone.”

“You’re right. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting that.”

Unaffected by Souji’s quick agreement, expecting no less of him, the shadow takes a sip from its drink and ignores him, humming as he returns to where he’d previously been seated. “Are you sure about that?” he wonders aloud, tossing his drink into the air until it disappears completely, picking up the chair and turning at an angle so it spins under his finger. With a swipe of his hand through the air, the backdrop changes, and a curtain drops from behind the shadow, bringing a dull smoke-like substance onto the floor and covering their feet.

Souji and Rise step back, watching in awe, as the curtain then lifts, spotlights from an unknown source shining down right in the center, where the towel-clad shadow has now disappeared, and Souji’s shadow, another one he groans, stands behind a microphone. This one is dressed in the LMB outfit he’d donned during the festival, and that’s all it takes for him to know exactly what this one’s all about.

Before it has a chance to open its mouth, Souji opens his, turning towards Rise and putting his body wholly between her and the shadows, blocking her view completely. “Rise, you don’t have to stay and listen to this if you don’t want to. You can still keep me safe from a different location.”

Rise isn’t buying his protective act though, and purses her lips with a sympathetic softening in her eyes. “That shadow’s going to talk about me, right?” Slowly, Souji nods. “And we’re friends, right?” He nods again. “Then I’d rather know everything it has to say. You don’t need to hide anything from me senpai. Bring it on.”

As many times as Souji’s done it himself, as many times as he’s told his friends and acquaintances the same things, it almost feels like a lie when he hears it, but he keeps that to himself. If anyone but Rise had said so, he isn’t sure he would have believed them. He keeps that to himself too.

But Rise is stubborn, in all the bad and good ways, and right now Souji can’t deny that he’s thankful to have her at his side, so he accepts defeat against her and backs up, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with her and facing the new makeshift stage with anticipation.

“Does that mean I can start now?” The spotlighted shadow asks innocently, and Souji would swear that he hears Rise stifle a giggle. “Good! I’ve always wanted to put on a show for my biggest fan.” With that boisterous statement, the shadow winks and points out his hand directly towards Rise, beaming and sticking the tiniest tip of his tongue out of the corner of his mouth.

Rise’s stifled giggle turns into a full-on fit, not unlike the ones Yukiko suffers from at any appropriate occasion, and Souji’s face begins to prominently display the warmth that he’s feeling, which he attempts to brush off by pushing up his glasses and wiping the condensation from the lenses.

“I definitely am your biggest fan, senpai,” Rise laughs, the sound filling the room and making it hard for Souji to take this as seriously as he knows he should be.

“I’ll be taking requests!” The shadow declares, diving off the stage and landing on his feet, sliding on his knees while dragging the standing mic with him until he lands right in front of Rise and holds the mic up to her. “So what’ll it be, Rise-san? A song? A hug? A kiss? Or maybe something more?”

Though Rise blushes, she’s still chuckling, which helps her keeps her wits about her even in the affected atmosphere of the steamy shop. “Thank you, but if I had any of those, I’d rather they come from the real senpai.” It’s a surprisingly professional answer, and Souji makes note to compliment her on knowing how to act like an idol even when it seems like it would be impossible to.

The shadow is far less impressed though, immediately scowling and using the impossible strength of the mic stand to push himself up onto his feet and turning his head away in a huff. “’Real.’” he scoffs. “You think he’s so real? Is it real if he only does those things when he thinks the other person wants it? He tried so hard not to have any that he doesn’t know how to act on his own desires.”

The sudden turn in the shadow’s behavior takes both Rise and Souji by surprise; Rise silenced by the aggressiveness of the words, and Souji stunned by how deeply they cut through him.

“Oh?” The shadow raises his eyebrows at Souji. “Was that too real for you? It’s about time.” He slides an arm around Rise’s shoulders and rests against her. Rise’s back stiffens in response, but notorious yellow eyes aside, it does look exactly like Souji, and it becomes clear rather quickly that she may not be as strong against a shadow that looks so much like someone she’s so guilty of having weakness for in any other situation. “He has a real gift, doesn’t he?” The shadow whispers to her, stroking the soft curve of her cheek with the pad of his thumb, eyes gentle as they land on her. “A gift for knowing exactly what people need and adapting himself to give them every last bit of it.” The shadow inches closer, Rise’s face delicately resting in his hand, and he can feel her sharp inhale as he stops just short of pressing their lips together, pulling away with a flourish. “It’s just like an idol, isn’t it? Knowing exactly what people want from you and how to please them. Being desperate to please them because you can’t be you without it. But that in itself is a weakness.”

Souji remains silent.

“Chameleons have a base color to start from, to return to after each transformation. It makes sense that you would too.” The shadow gives a tug at his collar, pulling open a button on his shirt in the process, and Souji can’t help but give the shadow a paranoid glance as the sweat drips down his back and has his shirt sticking to his skin. “But therein lies your fear, does it not? If you’ve spent all your time saturating your colors to please others, why would they be pleased with the parts that weren’t made for them? Maybe Kanji had the right idea in rejecting everyone before they had the chance to reject him. Maybe Rise was right to try and throw it all away.”

In Souji’s hesitance, it’s Rise who speaks up through that, unable to stand idly by when words so personal to her are being flung about. “Senpai knows it’s impossible to throw any part of yourself away!” She shouts at it, even despite the small distance between all of them. “Even if it doesn’t feel authentic, it is… Risette didn’t feel like the real me, but that was only because I was hiding the rest...” Tired of talking to the shadow instead of the person himself, Rise mimics Souji’s earlier move and stands between him and the shadow, blocking it from view as she meets Souji’s eyes. “Senpai, listen to me. Everyone has times when they act a certain way to make someone else happy. But that’s because we want them to be happy… If that’s the case, doesn’t it make sense it’s something inside of us that loves them that knows how to do that? It can’t be fake if it’s from inside of you.”

Souji’s eyebrows knit together, and in a strange serentity despite their surroundings, he sighs with a faint smile, resting a hand on Rise’s shoulder. “You understand me better than I gave you credit for, Rise.”

“You’re supposed to figure this out on your own, you know!” The shadow calls from over Rise’s shoulder, waving a hand with the other resting on his hip, elbow leant on the top of the mic stand.

“I know,” Souji nods in the shadow’s direction, approaching it with his sword extended, and before he gets too close, he uses it to swipe through each button on the shadow’s shirt and tear it open, leaving its chest exposed. “Rise lending a hand might be cheating, but so is this.” With no warning or explanation, Souji begins to un-button the shadows pants and pull down the zipper, immediately prompting Rise to run between them and stop Souji’s hands with her own.

“S-senpai, are you one of those guys who’s always wanted to do weird things with their clone?”

“Wh--…?” Confused and ignorant to the implications, Souji just shakes his head and takes a firm grip on both the shadow’s pants and jacket, fistful of clothes in each hand, and he gives the shadow a swift kick, knocking it out of its clothing and onto the floor. After tossing the clothes aside, Souji confidently smirks, gesturing a hand at his shadow face-down on the floor, naked outside of the towel – the same one as earlier. “I knew it was the same one.”

The sweat drips from Rise’s forehead as she watches the toweled shadow shift onto its hands and knees, the towel hiding very little in the end from their unfortunate angle, and she momentarily considers summoning her persona just to give herself a shield to hide behind, but ultimately settles for covering her face with her hands and aggressively clearing her throat. “Two in one?”

Souji nods. “Something similar happened with two of my shadows earlier because they were making me aware of opposing thoughts.” He rubs the back of his neck, looking off to the side. “I guess there’s more going on in my head than I realized.”

Rise snickers. “I think all of us could’ve told you that.”

Souji’s almost ready to start joking with her, but there’s still a shadow in front of them, and one that’s a short step away from naked at that.

“It would be so much easier~” The shadow whines, collapsing once again, onto his behind this time, pouting and dropping his hands into his lap with a drooping head. “It would be so much easier to say to hell with everyone else and stop worrying about whether or not they’d accept me.”

“Yeah, it would,” Souji agrees flatly, crouching down and flicking the shadow’s forehead. “But friendship isn’t always easy. You stay friends with people because you love and care about them, not because it’s easy. It’s not easy for Rise to be here with me, but I know she’s here because she’s my friend.” He smiles up at her with that, but is quick to re-direct his attention to the shadow he’s already noted as the most annoying so far. “Friendship takes effort, and it’s through effort that I’ll be able to see who my true friends are. As troublesome as it is, you’ll be the part of me that will always remind me of that. Thank you.”

The shadow softens, its whining now quieted by Souji’s resolve, and in a final move, it crawls along the floor to where the folding chair had been abandoned. He uses it to climb to his feet, and also moves to grab the abandoned mic stand with a free hand. He throws it up into the air, and in a dramatic twirl, uses the folding chair to swing at it like a bat. There’s a tiny explosion, punctuated with what he’d swear is a bolt of lightning striking through the mic itself, before both items and the shadow evaporate into the air, leaving two tarot cards drifting down through the steam.

Souji catches them both in his hands, and feels their powers pulsate through him as soon as he clutches them tightly between his fingers. There’s something different this time though, and he gives Rise a long, thoughtful look before he speaks. “Huh...” Souji grins a bit, his shoulders heavy, body drained, but somehow, he’s happy. “Is this what you feel all the time? It’s like I can feel what you’re feeling… Or, what everyone is feeling?”

Somewhat solemnly, Rise nods, hands folding once again behind her back and her fingers nervously twiddling. “It’s a gift senpai, but sometimes it’s a burden too. You know exactly what I mean, right?Feeling the weight of someone else’s emotions… It’s not something to take lightly.”

Souji grips his empty hand, fingers curling into his palm and tightening, a long sigh reverberating through him as he bows his head, forehead resting against his fist in a moment of contemplation. Rise watches him, a newfound connection between them now that their power is shared, even more directly than the familiarity she’d found with Yamagishi and Mitsuru. Her cheeks warm at the thought, at the knowledge of her having something shared with him that no one else has, that no one else can have, and she finds comfort in standing in silence with Souji, knowing exactly what he must be feeling and being able to understand it in a way no others can.

They are still in the textile shop – at least, whatever this otherworldly version of it could be called – so Souji looks around the room, until he spots what looks like an antique sword on the wall. He rips it from its place and spins it in his hand a few times, pleased by the light weight, and feels confident in his decision as he holds it out for Rise to take. “Just in case,” he explains.

Unlike Rise though, it’s not comfort he’s feeling. Dread, Rise feels secondhand, similarly written across Souji’s face in a way that causes Rise to step back in surprise. “Senpai…?”

Souji deadpans, shaking his face vigorously enough that he wills all evidence of emotion away, and he waves Rise forward, his sword dragging along the stage and leaving scratch marks on it, which Souji pays no mind to. She follows as they pass through the backstage curtain, which opens to a dark street, illuminated only by the neon hum of the lights on the building at a dead end. With a sharp inhale, Souji turns all the way around and faces Rise dead-on, swallowing thickly before his warning, “I have your powers now, so I should be able to get back on my own and keep myself healthy at the same time. You should go back, you’ve been here long enough already.”

“And you’ve been here much longer than that, senpai,” Rise retorts without missing a beat. “Do you really think I’d leave you here alone knowing that? We don’t even know what’s going on.” Her steps are short and quiet as she steps in, hushing herself for no one but the two of them. “I know why you don’t want me to come. Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai had to face the things they thought about their best friends in front of people too, and I can’t imagine...” Rise’s face drops, hands now folded in front of her and lifting up to her chest, pressed against her heart. “But I’m here for you. You always try to do everything alone, even though you don’t have to. I’ll keep watching over you.”

Defeated, both by the convincingly sweet argument and his own state, too tired to fight the point either physically or emotionally, Souji gives in, clasping a hand over Rise’s and patting it, sharing a few seconds of silent eye contact before he takes another long breath and turns down the empty road. The Junes sign looms above them, shadows cast off the letters seeming darker than is reasonable due to the absence of proper light, and a chill runs up Souji’s back with the thought that they may not be the kind of shadows he initially assumed.

Ignoring every unnecessary thought that plagues his conscious mind, Souji enters, the sliding doors opening for them with the swiftness of the real ones, and the music that plays upon reaching the sales floor is so purely a copy of the original that it leaves Souji unsettled. It’s easier to deal with this world the further from reality it seems, but the way everything has played on his sense of comfort in every location they’ve passed, has Souji questioning what the shadows’ goal really is.

The aisles are florescently lit, theme playing through the speakers, but there’s not a person or shadow in sight, not a single voice or grumble, not a scuffle of feet or tumbling of boxes. It’s empty, but alive, and the juxtaposition has Souji wanting to turn and run.

“Boring, isn’t it?”

The voice comes from behind, yet again, and this time Souji turns to find a version of himself standing with his arms raised, folded back behind his head, kunai in each hand and headphones around his neck. Souji says nothing, even when the shadow pulls the headphones over his ears and spins the kunai on his fingers, and Souji wants desperately to bite how those don’t belong to him. But his tongue has been taught to bite itself when those thoughts arise.

“At least, that’s what Yosuke would say,” The shadow sneers, and strides into this fake-Junes with confidence Souji only emulates. “Do you envy him, or resent him for that? He had so much hate for this place. There’s nothing here but people. The same people, who never leave, and never change. It was so boring, compared to the city… Hah.” The shadow laughs and spins a kunai through the air, catching the sharp end with his palm and raising an eyebrow at the black blood that trickles from where it cut through his skin. “But you...” His eyes meet Souji’s, pity the only emotion Souji can feel from them, and it makes him queasy. “You’d give anything to have that be your problem. To have the same people in your life for that long, never leaving, never changing. Never being taken away from you, never disappointing you.”

Rise lowers her weapon too, a sympathy growing through her as she begins to realize how little she really knows about what Souji’s life was like before them, and it’s guilt that follows, because she’d never bothered to ask, and if these shadows have all emerged from it, she can only guess that no one else ever did either.

“Boring~” The shadow repeats, stepping on a box of produce and climbing a tower of them like stairs, as they stretch themselves out like Tetris pieces to follow his steps. “You saved him from that boredom, did you? What a joke… If only he knew how boring you really were.” Losing fire in his steps, the shadow begins to slow, cocky smile turned upside-down as he looks down at Souji from above. “There are so many people in the city. But they’re all numbers to you. Yosuke doesn’t have to know what that feels like. He was popular, wasn’t he? He had friends to leave behind. Names to look at in his phone contacts. If they forgot about him, that’s their loss, not his. At least he took those risks. What did you do? You’re like a g--”

“A ghost.” Souji breaks his rant, finishing the shadow’s sentence without hesitation. “That’s what you’re getting at, right?”

“Senpai...” Rise raises a hand, resting it on the back of Souji’s arm and holding it there. “You’re not--”

“I am,” he laughs through a harsh breath, self-deprecating, turning to Rise with a convincingly calm expression. “I guess I did always kind of think Yosuke took that for granted. He had a life to leave and people to grow apart from. Me, I just...Picked up and left. Over and over. I didn’t even know what it was like to keep checking my phone hoping for something like he did. Yosuke complained about his parents doing that to him and all I could do was think about my parents.”

Souji looks down at the ground, a frustrated drop of his eyelids before he turns around and addresses his shadow, stepping onto the boxes the shadow had climbed and following them up in an identical pattern, facing him straight on.

“It’s true that I might have resented Yosuke for hating a situation I knew he was lucky to have… But I know it’s not his fault. Just like me, he thought it was out of his control and resented his parents for taking that control away from him. I should’ve met him halfway instead of making it all about me and keeping it to myself at the same time. I should’ve known that being best friends means sharing our troubles instead of comparing them.”

With one final, ostentatious spin of both of Yosuke’s kunai, Souji’s shadow nods and throws them both into the air with a flourish, mimicking Yosuke’s traditional spin as he lunges up to kick them, and in a whirlwind not unlike what Souji would imagine a tornado feels like, the room spins and the shadow disappears in the breeze, leaving Souji with another card floating in front of him. Upon grasping it, he feels Susano-o’s presence, the room around him settling and exposing a quivering Rise, who despite her own strength, had been taken aback by the gusts of wind throwing things about the room.

Without so much as a passing second, Souji hops down and meets her side, arms wrapping protectively around her. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine senpai,” Rise chirps, standing and resting her sword over her shoulder. “But I have to admit I’m a little surprised. I thought you didn’t want me to see because your shadow was going to reveal something more...intimate than that, eheh.”

At first, Souji pulls back, surprised by how bluntly that came out when he wasn’t expecting it, but at the same time, it feels like such a natural comment from her that he responds just as naturally, humming, “Shadows only come out to address things I haven’t acknowledged yet.”

Rise’s face goes blank, but her “Wait, huh?” is cut off by the roar of the ground beneath them, as it begins to crumble, bringing the walls of the Junes down with it, and Souji grabs Rise by the hand, rushing out the door at full speed, and where they’d previously stood on a paved road, they now find themselves standing on the blackest substance they’ve ever seen. The world disappears around them, every room they’d entered thus far falling to bits into the black nothing below and disappearing from sight as if it had never existed in the first place. The sound is almost deafening, and they hold each other until the rumbling stops and all goes quiet, the sound of their shallow breathing the only one they can make out.

There’s nothing in any direction, not even any sign that direction exists, as they’re surrounded by nothing but darkness, so deep that their eyes have nothing to adjust to – because there’s nothing there. They can see each other, but just barely, and each step seems like a gamble, and after only a few seconds, Souji can’t take any more of it.

“Rise, give me your sword,” he requests, and once it’s in his hands, he breaks the handle off, the wooden edges jagged and uneven, and with the power of Amaterasu he casts a weak agi spell, lighting the edge of it like a torch.

“Whoa, senpai,” Rise blanches, impressed and having set aside her previous concerns for the time being. “You really think of everything...”

As if testing that idea, Souji begins to walk, picking a random direction and sticking to it, hand stretched out in front of him until he finally hits something, running his hand along a hard surface until he can only conclude that it’s a wall. Arm touching Rise’s shoulder as he passes her, he moves in the opposite direction until he reaches another, and then a third direction until he reaches that one. Cornered by three sides, Souji deduces the situation in the same way he could trust Naoto to, if she were here with them. “We’re supposed to go this way.”

Rise takes the makeshift torch from his hands and carries it, so Souji can defensively raise his sword, fully prepared for things to go horribly wrong at any moment, and the two of them carry on.

As the walls get more and more narrow, the hall behind them seeming to disappear with every step, Rise’s breathing becomes more shallow, and the hair on the back of Souji’s neck stands at attention. He’s never known Rise to be fearful of anything, but when she drifts up against his back, hands hooking around his arm with her face down, he can feel in her unsteady heartbeat and uncharacteristic silence that this is not no joke, for her. It’s no sneaky move, no plea for attention. She’s scared. Souji had held his sword in front of him up until now, waiting for shadows to come from any direction, but neither can sense them anywhere. They’re alone on a level that he’s convinced no two people have ever been before, with so much emptiness surrounding them, so much nothingness, and Rise is scared. He drops his weapon at his side, tightly clutching it in his hand, but only for assurance, and he slides his arm out of Rise’s grip and around her body instead, holding her close with a stoic look forward. It’s a silent promise – I’ll protect you – and their newly shared power helps Rise to understand that without him saying so.

Their steps get heavy, each one feeling longer than the last as the darkness around them gets blacker, but the strangest part is how it seems to get colder as well, raising goosebumps on Rise’s skin and pushing her hollow breaths to shiver. There’s a swift breeze, seemingly deliberately aimed for their torch, because it’s the only thing that moves as it blows through and dulls it, causing Rise to sigh and abandon it on the floor. Souji doesn’t hesitate to remove his jacket and wrap it around her, but it’s just as he does so that the silence is interrupted, and there’s rustling just ahead of them that has Rise taking in a sharp breath.

“Let’s go together,” Souji whispers without looking at her, hand dropping next to hers and soon gripping her hand with hopes that she can’t feel the slight tremor that travels down his arm. She nods with a thread of their fingers, and her steps fall in line with his as they dip into the darkness together.

But once the chill hits them, they don’t get far before there’s what sounds like the snap of fingers, and a blinding light fills the space around them, forcing them to cover their eyes as they struggle to adapt to it. When it seems to steady out, Souji looks around to discover the wall is made of nothing but mirrors, each and every one of them cracked to varying degrees, each and every one of them only showing a warped or damaged version of his face when he looks into them. Souji stares into one in particular, which has cracked into a V-shape that splits his face into three separate triangles, one of them blurry in a way that makes it almost impossible to identify.

“Hard to recognize, isn’t he?”

It’s Souji’s voice, but he hasn’t opened his mouth, and both he and Rise know who it is without having to look, so Souji holds his ground, turning slowly towards the voice and focusing his eyes on the figure beside them. Unlike the rest, this one looks exactly like Souji, and much less threatening, no weapons or differing clothing, and his yellow eyes are the only thing cluing them into the fact that he’s a shadow.

“You afraid of me, Rise?” It addresses her, and though her back tightens, Rise takes strength from it, she steps away from Souji for the first time, planting her feet firmly in front of him, between the two Soujis, and locks her gaze on the shadow with balled fists.

“No. Even a fake version of Senpai would never hurt me. I’m sure of it.”

The shadow smirks and leans off the wall, facing her dead on with a hand in his pocket. “That’s true,” he acknowledges. “But that’s the problem, isn’t it?”

Rise stills. “Huh?”

“There isn’t any part of him that wants to hurt you. Any of you. Strange, isn’t it? Is he really that desperate...”

Rise steps back, finding that the calm nature of the shadow is so unfamiliar that it’s more intimidating than when they’re angry. At least then, she knows they’ll have to fight them. This, this is strange, unsettling, and Rise doesn’t know what to do. So she stares, and listens, while the shadow continues.

“He still writes to Adachi. Did you know that? Keeping a friend like that...this guy can find the good in anyone. But don’t let that fool you. There are plenty of bad thoughts in his head. They’re just all directed at himself.”

It’s Souji’s body that stiffens at that, loosening the grip on his sword to the point where it falls right out of his hand, clanging on the ground with a loud enough echo that Rise jumps, stumbling back into the arms of Souji’s shadow, who catches her without hesitation and releases her with as much tenderness.

Souji feels sick in his stomach looking at that, his mouth opening wide before his shadow holds up a hand to it and shushes him.

“Listen, first? You need to hear this, and really hear it, even more than your friends do.” Souji closes his mouth, his eyes, clenches his fists, and steps in behind Rise, the warmth of her back a comfort as he bites down on his lip and nods, the shadow’s expression softening when he has their permission. “You slipped up earlier. You let out your secret without knowing it. That speech about love… Hah. You really do love them all, don’t you? It’s fascinating...”

Souji’s face tightens, but something in his heart stirs when he hears those words, warmth filling him and dulling the goosebumps on his arms, and he wraps both around a shivering Rise from behind, tow two of them staring down the shadow across from them with more curiosity than fear.

“They all love you too, you know. You might not fully realize it, but I think you’ve felt it. It’s almost symbiotic… It really is as you said. You became what they all needed so easily, because they did the same for you. It’s too bad you needed so many things...”

Rise softens in Souji’s arms, no longer threatened but feeling a recognizable sadness come over the both of them, the kind Rise remembers from the first time she faced the parts of herself she didn’t want anyone to know about either. Souji, still, says nothing, listening as he had promised.

“Someone to respect you as much as Kanji does, someone who admires you as much as Teddie. Or wants you as badly as Rise, or understand you as well as Naoto does. It’s a long list. But Yosuke’s need for you, or for what you represent for him, is the one you worry about the most.”

“Don’t--” Souji starts, his voice cracking in a way that has even Rise look up in surprise, sliding her fingers against his arm out of a natural desire to comfort him, even if she isn’t entirely sure she wants to hear all of this either.

“Getting past another layer, are we?” The shadow shakes his head, face registering more disappointment than anything else. “It’s a sore spot because it’s the door to all the things you try not to think about. Sure, he needed you. But did he really need you? Or would anyone else have sufficed? You have no way of knowing. Had some other guy blown into town in your place, would things have gone exactly the same for him? You’ll never know.”

“I...” Souji drops both his arms, reluctantly releasing Rise from the hug he’d trapped her in without any conscious direction, stepping back and away from the both of them until his back hits a mirror behind him, and it hits Souji that he’s now surrounded by them on all sides, circular room trapping them inside the hundreds of cracked images. It makes Souji’s head hurt. But the shadow doesn’t stop.

“He’s doing just fine without you now that you’re gone. Everyone is. It’s only a matter of time until they get so used to being without you that they forget about you completely. And then who will you be?”

“Stop--”

“No one. You’re nothing without them. If they forget you, it will be as if you don’t exist.” His movements as identical to Souji’s as can be imagined, the shadow steps in closer to Rise and takes her hand, at which Rise only stares in confusion, unable to reject someone she knows and feels is Souji himself, even if he is an unfamiliar part of him. “He’s never been good at making friends,” the shadow explains, voice soft as if it were only the two of them there, leaving Souji to stare, dejected. “He moved around so much that after a while it became easier to keep everyone at arm’s length and never get close to them. It’s easier to leave when no one will miss you.” That last part is directed over Rise’s shoulder, spat directly at Souji, their eyes meeting, and the shadow frowns when he notices that Souji’s are beginning to water. “You’ve never told them, have you? That you haven’t made any new friends since you left. Not real friends. They’d realize how pathetic you were if they knew why.”

Rise’s head snaps away from the shadow and towards Souji, now slumping to the floor from exhaustion, and she kneels down in front of him, pushing the hair out of her face. “Why, senpai?”

Souji doesn’t answer, but the shadow never gives him a chance to try. “He’s scared that if he makes any new ones, it would be like replacing all of you. And if that happens, it will remind him how easily you could do the same to him. Replace him, just like that.”

“Senpai...” Rise’s voice is gentle, but the look in her eyes is less so, torn between sympathy and frustration.

“Why else do you think he runs to Inaba every time he has a free day? There’s no one for him to stay in the city for. And he likes it that way. It means he can pretend you’re all doing the same for him. It’s--”

“Pathetic.”

The word comes from the real Souji’s mouth, and the shadow falls silent for the first time, both eyebrows raised and stance relaxing, waiting.

“I know it’s pathetic. I’m so afraid of losing them all that I’d rather keep the delusions alive in my head than acknowledge the possibilities of letting them go. Even if it means being alone in reality.”

“Senpai, stop!” Rise interjects, climbing onto Souji’s lap and wrapping both of her arms around his neck, head falling over his shoulder and resting against his, her hug tight and loving. “You’re not pathetic. Everyone’s afraid of losing someone, or something. But we’re not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere. Even if we make new friends, no one will ever replace you. No one will ever be you, senpai… You’re not replaceable.”

“Rise...” Souji looks at her, and in a moment of vulnerability, both of his arms wrap around her, and he allows himself to let go, head falling heavy onto her shoulder in a brief moment of comfort, before they both hear the shadow sigh behind them.

“He believes you,” the shadow assures. “You’re the only one he believed wouldn’t change your feelings about him after seeing all of this.”

Rise pulls back, fingers tentatively brushing Souji’s bangs from his eyes so she can look directly into them, palm pressing to his cheek to force him to look at her too. “I appreciate that, senpai. But please don’t forget everyone else. Naoto-kun thinks about how you’d approach every case she has. Kanji-kun makes you presents all the time. Teddie can’t go a day without mentioning you. Chie-senpai uses you for inspiration in all of her goals, and Yukiko-senpai works so hard knowing that you’re supporting her even when you’re apart. Yosuke-senpai is so proud to call you his best friend, you have to know that… Everyone you touched here holds you in their hearts and doesn’t want to let you go. Have faith in us.”

Souji stares, wide-eyed at Rise’s calm and collected face, her sweet voice and attentive physical affections calming him and lulling him into the sense of security he’s grown used to with her.

“Your shadow already said it, didn’t he? We love you, senpai. Don’t doubt us. If you start to… Whenever you start to doubt us, just call! Let us remind you! I promise everyone will be happy to!” Confident, Rise pulls away and stands up, turning around and taking pointed steps in front of Souji’s shadow, staring him down. “You’re not weak for having worries or questioning yourself. You’re not weak for being afraid or lonely. You shared your strength with all of us, and we will always do the same for you. You don’t have to hide the part of you that needs us.”

Behind her, Souji finally stirs, standing strong on both feet and putting himself between Rise and his shadow, hand held out to shake its hand as he looks into his own face. “I’m not alone as long as I have my friends. I’ve been childish and selfish, keeping to myself how their importance was affecting me. They’ve lent me their power so many times, and given it to me today, and I need to learn that I can use it and lean on them, instead of pretending I’m strong enough not to need it.”

Souji’s shadow nods, and shakes Souji’s hand, and at once the flash of light encompasses the room again, forcing him and Rise to blink and wait. This time when they open their eyes, the room looks almost the same, but each mirror has repaired itself, the entire rounded room now one single mirror with both of their reflections looking back at them. In the mirror behind Souji, Rise smiles and removes his jacket from around her shoulders, placing it around his with a playful wink and a laugh.

“I kind of like taking on this role, senpai. Maybe you should let me protect you more often.”

That prompts a laugh from Souji, but he’s tired, so very very tired, and it’s a strain on his body with every breath. Despite everything, he’d never voice this fact, because acknowledging his vulnerability is a hell of a lot less difficult than broadcasting it. Instead, he masks it with a suggestion, “Let’s go home, Rise,” he says, and she nods, summoning Kanzeon.

“Huh...” Rise’s face twists, and she lets her persona go, back into rest, as she moves to the mirror wall and presses a hand to it. “The exit… Our exit, right back to the TV in Junes. According to my readings, we’re already here.”

Understanding what she’s getting at, Souji presses both of his hands to the opposite side of the small room, sliding his fingers across the surface in search of, frankly, anything. If there were any imperfections in the surface, they’d surely have seen them just from looking, but Souji knows better than to assume anything in this world, and that pays off when one of his hands goes right through the center, just as it does through the TV. Grabbing Rise’s hand, Souji pulls her inside, through more blinding light that seems to last too long, and when they emerge from the nothingness, they find that they’re at the entrance to the TV world, the one they’ve always used.

“You’re both okay!”

Souji thinks he must be hearing things, when Yukiko’s voice echoes out, but before he can turn around, he’s being tackled by Teddie, uncharacteristically in his human form at a time like this, and the rest of their friends are right behind him.

“Sensei, please forgive me! I know you said not to tell anyone where you were, but it’s been a long time, and everyone was getting worried...”

Even though he’s far past exhausted, Souji can’t deny that the looks on his friends’ faces prove he’s not the only one, as they look nearly as weathered as the last time they left this place. “...How long, Teddie?”

“Two days,” Answers Naoto. “We knew better than to contact the police, but even I had considered it.”

“That’s impossible...” Dumbfounded, Rise looks up at Souji with tears hinting the corners of her eyes, and she doesn’t make a single attempt to avoid the hug that Teddie immediately flings her way, wrapping her arms around Teddie and shedding her own apologetic tears along with him. “I’m so sorry! I had no idea!”

All of them have their weapons out, but upon seeing such a sentimental display, and the way Souji’s neck is failing to hold his own head up all the way, they all put them away or to the side, and while the girls crowd around Rise and Teddie’s emotional forms, Kanji and Yosuke tentatively meet Souji’s side, the latter resting a hand on Souji’s shoulder.

“You okay, partner?” Yosuke questions, voice hushed. “We wanted to help, but even our glasses didn’t do much for us. We could hear you but we couldn’t see you. It was just like that time we talked to Ted through the TV, just, nothing but voices and blackness.”

Souji shakes his head, but he can’t help clenching his jaw, grimacing. “How much did you hear?”

“Uh, all of it,” Kanji admits bluntly, earning him an elbow in the side from Yosuke, who tries his best to be reassuring about it.

“I don’t know if it was everything. We heard your shadow talking to Rise, but it was--”

“Just the last one?” Souji croaks, using what little strength he has left in his voice.

“Um… We only heard one, so...” Kanji seems even more confused than the rest of them, but for some reason he can’t meet Souji’s eyes, trying his hardest to seem casual about everything but failing miserably. Souji, relieved, nods, but it takes so much energy that he just leaves his head hanging.

“We should get senpai back home,” Rise interjects, peeling Teddie’s arms from around her and pressing a hand to Souji’s back. “Senpai’s been here even longer than I have. We’ll explain later...”

There’s a chorus of agreements, and everyone heads through the usual pile of TVs one-by-one, Yosuke hanging back just to flank Souji and make sure he doesn’t end up last, a move he ends up glad he pulled, when Souji collapses the instant they hit the cold floor of the electronics department.

Chapter Text

Souji doesn’t hear or feel any of it, but after a short panic, they all have him rushed to the hospital, comforted by the fact that they’re once again assured it’s nothing more than exhaustion.

That doesn’t keep them all from sticking outside his hospital room, until after Dojima and Nanako have both had their time to visit. Nanako remains perfectly cheerful, reminding them all that she was once that tired and came home happy as ever, and it’s her smile, accompanied by Dojima’s strong nod and ruffle of her hair that has some of the tension releasing from all of their shoulders.

Rise explains to everyone exactly what the two of them went through, and along with Teddie, they try to fill in the gaps that neither of them were there to witness. There’s curiosity abound about what Souji’s shadow had to say about each of them, but all Rise does is smile and promise them that once he’s better, Souji should be ready to have a private conversation with each of them.

After some prodding, and a mild threat from Dojima, the doctors agree to let Souji’s friends visit him, but only as long as no more than two of them are in the room at once. So one at a time, they enter Souji’s room and give him their best wishes, each making sure not to take more than a few minutes out of respect both for each other, and for the doctors who have unfortunately become familiar with all of them.

Rise hangs back, intending to wait until everyone else has left, but when she and Yosuke are the last two in the hallway, and the others have all trickled out and left for home, he pulls Rise aside, voice hushed and grumbling as he unabashedly asks her with great favor, if she would mind if he hung back and waited until after she’d left.

Surprised, Rise blinks at him, but after everything he heard, she can’t say doesn’t understand, and Rise offers Yosuke a kind smile and a pat on his hand, before she enters Souji’s room.

Yosuke wants more than anything to listen, so much that his foot bounces anxiously as he holds himself on the bench farthest from the door as possible, but he can’t shake the knowledge that he wouldn’t want anyone spying on him during a private moment like that, so he tightens his fists and grits his teeth, resisting every urge to eavesdrop despite his curiosity.

Eventually, Rise emerges again, leaving the door to Souji’s hospital room just slightly ajar, sauntering up to Yosuke and folding her hands behind her back, her smile wider. “He looks fine!” she chirps, bouncing on her heels. “He’s just sleeping Yosuke-senpai, so there’s no need to be worried.”

“I’m not worried! It’s just...” Yosuke’s defensiveness soon fades into shyness, and he rubs at the back of his neck, glancing up at Rise under his bangs. “It’s weird, isn’t it? Seeing him like this...”

He means more than just his health.

Ever understanding, Rise grins and places a hand on Yosuke’s arm, finger curling against the curve of the inside of his elbow. “I think we all kind of forgot he was human, huh?”

It stings for some reason, and Yosuke winces, crossing both of his arms over his chest, hesitating with each of his thoughts to the point where none of them seem appropriate. He does swallow a little pride though, and with his hand on the door, he pauses and offers her a plea, “Rise, would you mind waiting for me? I’m really sorry… I won’t be long, I promise.”

Rise blinks again, but her apologetic smile turns into an earnest, friendly one, and she laughs behind a loosely fisted hand. “Sure, Yosuke-senpai. Take as long as you need.”

He feels better after hearing that, so Yosuke enters Souji’s room with lightened shoulders, even though he gets an uneasy feeling in his stomach seeing his best friend lying there, machines beeping around him, and Yosuke considers it a small victory that he doesn’t appear to be hooked up to any of them.

“Hey partner,” he laughs nervously, hovering in the doorway for a long moment before he slides into the chair that’s been set at Souji’s bedside, and he can feel the comforting warmth of all its previous visitors the moment his bottom hits it. “Nanako-chan is so much stronger than all of us combined… She was smiling when she walked out of here, can you believe that? She has so much belief in you that it’s like she’s happy to see you proving how fast you’ll get better...”

Yosuke’s fingers tap against his own knees, and he can’t decide whether it feels more embarrassing to be talking like this if Souji can hear him, or if he can’t.

“Um… Ahem. I kind of need to apologize to you… All of us… Especially me. We...we took advantage of you being our leader and forgot that you were with all of us for a reason. We all needed you but you wouldn’t have been with us if you didn’t need something too, right? But I had no idea…” Yosuke swallows thickly, hands on his knees balling themselves into tight fists, his head down and mouth frowning, a sense of guilt washing over him that he hasn’t felt in a while. “I know they’re shadows for a reason. If we were open and accepting of them from the start, then they wouldn’t exist in the first place. But still I… I feel like if I’d been a better friend and paid more attention to how you were feeling, I would’ve known more… I don’t know. I know I’ve told you you could come to me but I never really asked.”

Yosuke bumps the tip of his nose with his thumb and knuckle, pointedly looking off to the side when his eyes hover on Souji’s face too long for comfort. “God, this is so damn embarrassing. Look, I just wanted to tell you your shadow, er… You were wrong. We do still need you. We always will. And hell, even if we ever don’t, we’re always going to want you around. Forget need, okay? We want you. I...do. Isn’t that better? Stop worrying about being needed and take a look around at how many people want you in their lives. Even if they didn’t need a thing from you they’d still want the hell out of you. Uhh, it’s… Jeez, you’re not even awake and I can’t look at you.”

But Yosuke looks around, and they are truly alone, the door closed and the sun nearly set, not a sound to be heard outside of Souji’s heart monitor and some distant chatter from nurses down the hall. Even Souji isn’t fully present, as far as Yosuke is concerned, and he knows this is the most private moment he may ever experience. Long huff, Yosuke lifts and arm and hovers a shaky hand over Souji’s, staring narrow into the wall behind him as he gently drops it, palm sweating as he lays it over the back of Souji’s hand.

“Even if you were awake, you wouldn’t be making fun of me… I don’t get how you can be so casual with this stuff, dude. I feel like my hand’s on fire.”

He feels himself sweating more just saying that, if that’s even possible, but it’s mere seconds later that he feels the hand being pulled from under him, and before he knows that’s happening, Souji is pushing himself into an upright position with one hand and gripping Yosuke’s with the other. “Better or worse?” he strains, his voice raspy and hoarse, but otherwise bright as ever.

“Souji!” Yosuke calls, louder than should be okay for this time of day, unconsciously throwing his arms around Souji’s body in a warm hug, forcing the air out of Souji’s lungs and causing him to cough through a laugh, eyes wide as he pats Yosuke’s back.

“W-well, that was a surprise.”

Yosuke instinctively jerks back, face beet red as he sinks back down into his chair and suddenly regrets cutting his hair and leaving himself with so little bangs to hide behind. “Sorry… I guess I was more worried about you than I realized.” Souji opens his mouth to retort, a smirk across his face suggesting the content without Yosuke having to guess, but Souji doesn’t get a chance to say anything before he coughs again, and Yosuke is quick to pat his back, curling in his fingers to suppress the urge to reach for Souji’s hand again. It’s so close, after all. Offensively tempting. But Yosuke resists, and opens his mouth instead. “I should probably go tell everyone you’re okay. And you should keep resting, so you can get out of here as soon as possible. You and the others are leaving really soon, and I know they want to spend time with you, you know, outside of a hospital room, heh.”

Souji grins, but with a hand rubbing his aching throat, he only nods in response, made relatively shy by Yosuke’s sudden outburst of affection and finding that his physical condition is a convenient excuse for not having the proper words to offer in reply.

“Good,” Yosuke sighs, relieved, and ignores his temptations, waving a good-bye as he leaves Souji’s room and heaves a long, deep sigh once he reaches the other side of the door and closes it. “Oh, crap,” he realizes audibly, remembering that he’d left Rise waiting for him all this time and racing to the bench, where he finds her fast asleep, resting on her folded jacket as a makeshift pillow. “Rise-san~” he whispers, hand tapping her shoulder and waking her gently, and Rise lightly jerks away, rubbing her eyes with a yawn.

“Yosuke-senpai? Huh, I fell asleep...” In her daze, she allows Yosuke to collect her jacket and put it on her, eyes adjusting to the light again, and Yosuke feels so guilty, having made Souji priority and forgotten that Rise had been inside that place with him. Of course she’d be exhausted. Kneeling down in front of her, his back facing her in front of her knees, he speaks in a hushed voice, “Wrap your arms around me. I was going to walk you home no matter what, but this seems better.”

“Huh?” Rise stares, but after a few seconds and Yosuke’s refusal to look at her – he’s embarrassed, and she knows it – she does exactly as requested and wraps her heavy arms around Yosuke’s neck, finding herself instantly lifted up onto his back, the back of her knees caught in his hands, and Rise feels surprisingly secure. “Thank you, Yosuke-senpai,” she hums.

Yosuke keeps silent for a long time, leaving the hospital and traveling down the road towards the tofu shop, unable to deny that he feels a strange sort of pride when he thinks Rise’s fallen asleep on his shoulder, happy to know he isn’t totally useless at this sort of thing. There aren’t many people out walking around at this hour – thankfully so – and the few that Yosuke does pass on the way are old enough to see Rise as the heiress of Marukyu, if they recognize her at all. It’s humbling, in a way, being reminded that he considers himself a friend of Rise’s more than he’d consider himself friend of Risette’s.

“Yosuke-senpai,” Rise yawns, interrupting the silence as Yosuke turns down the street towards the shopping district. “You love Souji-senpai, don’t you?”

Were he not weighed down by a full person on his back, Yosuke would have surely tripped over the words, but instead he just sputters and chokes, tightening his grip on Rise’s legs when he almost drops her out of shock. Rise laughs.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to hide it from me. I like him too.”

“Everyone knows that,” Yosuke scoffs, earning him an attempted kick in the side from Rise, but his position has him conveniently in control of that, so she doesn’t get much further than a playful wave of her foot. “I’m just saying! You’re not exactly subtle...”

Pouting, Rise tightens her grip around Yosuke’s neck, truthfully not intending to choke him, but reminding him that she could if she really wanted to. “You’re one to talk. You think you’re subtle, partner?” She can hardly get past her sputtering giggle when she says it, but the look on Yosuke’s face when he turns to her, scandalized, makes it totally worth it.

“There’s nothing weird about that!” Yosuke squeaks, earning him a knowing nod and grin from Rise, and as he finally arrives in front of her shop, he crouches all the way down to street level so she can hop off smoothly.

“I know. You’re a really good guy, Yosuke-senpai,” She beams, her body obviously sluggish but her smile bright as ever, her feet dragging as she steps in towards Yosuke when he stands and straightening out his coat where she’d wrinkled it in all of her fussing. “So I don’t think I’d mind sharing with you.”

“Sharing?” Yosuke’s eyebrow curls, so hard it forms a question mark with the curve of his cheek below it, his eyes staring and heart racing, realizing belatedly that as close as he’s gotten to Rise, they’re rarely alone like this.

“Souji-senpai,” she says plainly, both hands hooked into the flaps of Yosuke’s coat and curling against the seams, and she rocks on her heels, confidence shaken. “If we both feel strongly about him… I like you, Yosuke-senpai. Not like th--”

“Yeah, you don’t have to say it,” Yosuke grumbles, heel scuffing the pavement beneath them in retreat. “I know what you meant...”

Rise pulls her lips into her mouth and bites down on them, a knowing half-nod in understanding of Yosuke’s insecurity in that department, after witnessing his interactions with Yukiko in all the time she’s known the both of them. “So what do you say? Or would you rather have him all to yourself? Because I have to tell you, in that case this would be a competition, and I wouldn’t hold back...”

Yosuke stares at Rise, mouth agape and brow furrowed, every muscle in his body tightening as he watches her in disbelief. But she’s serious, and Yosuke isn’t sure what to do with all of this at once; his feelings are newly-acknowledged, and he isn’t even sure how Rise could possibly know about that, but the idea of Souji, and being with Souji, is so fresh in his mind that he has no way of processing it so quickly, let alone analyzing his inner jealousy and wondering if he’d be able to share anyone, let alone his best friend. He can’t let the specifics escape him though, as this is Risette here, a girl he’s had the privilege of knowing as both an idol he loved and admired, and as a friend he respects and cherishes. His thoughts take him too long to work through, and Rise has gotten too skilled at reading all of his hesitation.

“He likes you, you know,” Rise sighs, eyes downward, and it’s so sudden that Yosuke can’t even register the meaning of it before Rise’s throwing up her hands with a harsh clearing of her throat. “I don’t know if I should say that. He didn’t say much, but I’d say there are definitely some feelings there… I should be letting him tell you this, though!”

Yosuke blinks. “So...why are you telling me?”

If the mood was serious before – Yosuke would surely argue that it was – this is when it takes an even harsher turn down that road, and Rise’s expression turns soft and distant at the same time. “Because… If you know that, you have every reason to take senpai for yourself too, right? If I kept that information to myself, I’d feel like I was trying to keep you from doing it and that wouldn’t be fair of me.”

“R-rise...” Yosuke blinks some more.

“Ugh!” Rise huffs and stomps her feet in brief frustration, immediately regretting it and plopping herself down on the steps. “And now by telling you that, I feel like I’m guilting you into not doing that… But I swear I’m not!”

“Rise, I know!” Yosuke’s never been good at being the calm one – notoriously bad at it, actually, but he’s never seen Rise quite so flustered before, and he doesn’t know what else to do but sit right down next to her, huddled close in the cold. “I know, Rise. I never would’ve thought you’d do...any of that, hah. You’re too sweet.”

“Wow. You’re sweet too.”

“Don’t sound so surprised...”

“I’m not.” Rise shakes her head, hair shaking down over her shoulders, curls from earlier in the day completely loosened by now. She turns pensive, eyebrows wrinkling like they do whenever she’s mad, but her frown indicates something else entirely, something more internally conflicting.

“Rise?”

“How do you feel about me, senpai?”

“Wh-what?! I--” Yosuke’s shock is unsurprisingly exaggerated, butt slipping right off the top step and onto the second one. That only makes things more convenient for Rise though, as she scoots towards him and presses a kiss to his lips like it’s nothing.

“I said, how do you feel about me? How did that make you feel?”

Yosuke attempts to push himself onto his feet, but his legs are so weakened from the intense rush of embarrassment he’s feeling rushing all the blood to his face, and he doesn’t make it any further than a single scoot away. “What’s that supposed to mean? And what was that for!”

Calm on a level that has Yosuke confused beyond belief, Rise shifts closer to him once more just to fill the space he’d just created, her hands now resting on her knees just in case he was worried about them. “I was serious about my proposal. But it would only work if we were on the same page about where we stand with each other too.”

The logic is sound, but Yosuke’s thoughts haven’t really caught up enough to see it so clearly yet, and when he opens his mouth, all that comes out is a string of stutters that don’t make anything remotely resembling a coherent thought. But Rise knows this side of him by now, and is patient enough to wait it out while he fumbles around, watching him carefully and pleading with her eyes. When he does get over the initial heart palpitations and repeatedly changing temperatures in his face and hands, Yosuke takes a few breaths and turns to her. “If you had done that when we first met, it would have been so different, but… Weird. It was totally like Rise just kissed me.”

“That is who just kissed you!”

“I mean! Not Risette. Totally Rise. My friend Rise.”

Yosuke pulls at the sleeve of his jacket, so surprised by that realization that it has him contemplating more things about him than when exactly that change happened. Rise instead is feeling something else entirely, a loud squeal escaping her as she throws both of her arms around Yosuke and traps him in a paralyzing hug. “I’m so happy!” He’s blushing, but Rise pays no mind to that and tightens her hug. “You’ve really grown up, Yosuke.”

“Where did ‘senpai’ go all of a sudden!?” Yosuke’s voice raises an octave beyond his control, but the dim streetlamps remind him that he shouldn’t be yelling at this time of night and he’s quick to swallow the lump in his throat that holds its place until Rise finally lets go of him.

“We’ve just entered a new phase in our friendship. I don’t think we need that silly thing anymore.”

“But you still call Souji ‘senpai’ don’t you?”

Rise puts some thought into that. “For the time being, it’s just you. I guess we share something special now.”

Yosuke likes the sound of that. Secretly, Rise does too. But there’s a calm that falls over the both of them once the moment has come and passed, and Rise’s proposition, and all of her reasons for making these bold moves in the first place, assume their place as the elephant in the room.

“Yosuke,” Rise uses it more poignantly. “I think Souji-senpai needs us right now. Both of us.”

“What makes you think he’d even be into that?” Yosuke pales, hand reaching behind his neck. “I know he acts like a ladies’ man sometimes but it’s not because he’s the kind of guy that would cheat.”

“It’s not cheating!” Rise stands, stomping her foot in a childish way Yosuke is sure he hasn’t seen in a long time, since their first case. “Did you think I meant two totally separate relationships? I didn’t. We’d all be on the same page. That’s why I talked to you first. You heard his shadow...”

“Do you feel guilty too,” Yosuke cuts in, face grimacing with the familiar pang of guilt. “Knowing that there was so much we didn’t know about him? I keep thinking about how maybe if I’d been a better friend he’d be better off.”

Rise sighs. “I don’t think that’s true. But either way, being in there with him, I got the feeling that no one person could’ve held all the pieces together… Aaagh, I feel weird talking about his shadow when he’s not here.”

Yosuke drops his arm with a shallow laugh. “Since we were all there to see it for a reason, it can’t be helped, right? It’s out in the open now.”

“Huh? So you and senpai talked about my shadow?”

“Of course we did,” Yosuke laughs, quickly finding himself on the receiving end of Rise’s hand, a slap to his arm startling enough that he almost misses Rise’s blush of embarrassment in place of the anger he was expecting to see. “It wasn’t like that! Actually, me and him didn’t talk about stuff like that much. Even when we have, it’s always about my stuff and not his. I wonder why.”

“You wonder why~” Rise teases. “I know you’re best friends, but you’ve never made it easy for anyone to talk about those things, especially Kanji.”

“Hey, that was a long time ago! Kinda. Long enough...”

“It’s okay, I get it now. You were just insecure about your own sexuality so you took it out on him. It makes sense why senpai would keep quiet.”

“Rise!” Yosuke finds himself sputtering, predictably so, Rise would note, and she finds it just as easy as she always has to smile and ignore his unnecessary panic.

“It’s so like senpai isn’t it? To not care about gender at all… I guess that’s something we should’ve been able to tell without his shadow having to say it.” She kicks her feet against the step, a playful curl to her lips. “I’m moving to the city, you know, permanently. It’ll be easier to work that way instead of going back and forth all the time. Easier to see senpai too. There’s nothing to stop me from meeting up with him every free moment I have, and that’s on top of me calling him every day and texting from work.”

“Alright, alright! Are you trying to make me jealous or something?”

Rise smirks. “Is it working?”

“You’re not gonna give this up, are you?”

“Nope.”

Yosuke’s pride is both his strongest and weakest point, but unfortunately for him, Rise knows exactly how to wear it down, and it’s only so long before he has no option but to concede, especially when he can’t argue anything she’s saying. His face comes to his hands, bridge of his nose resting between his fingers and a heavy sigh weighing his whole body. “So what if I like him? You want us to just go in there and tell him?”

“Is that the first time you’ve said it out loud?” Rise grins, feeling more than satisfied when Yosuke’s face turns red and he tightens his jaw in defense. “That’s exactly what I want to do. C’mon, we’re in this together! You know senpai… What’s the worst that could happen? We all come out of it friends instead of dating? Is that so bad?”

There’s shame involved that Yosuke can’t simply push out of his mind, but otherwise, he knows Rise is right. If there’s anything he’s totally sure about when it comes to Souji it’s that nothing in this world, or even the universe, seems to be able to keep him from those he considers friends. Even when they turn out to be inhuman, or murderers, or figments of his imagination. “Not so bad,” he admits.

“Good!” Rise perks up, so brightly that anyone could be fooled into thinking she wasn’t totally exhausted after all she’s been through. With a pat to Yosuke’s shoulder, she uses him as a crutch to push up onto her feet and move towards the shop. “Tomorrow then.”

“Tomorrow,” Yosuke repeats, but as soon as Rise closes the curtain behind her, his head is in his hands and the groan in the back of his throat echoes low.

This is some kind of mess that Yosuke isn’t sure how to deal with, and in his mental anguish, he unknowingly finds himself walking the wrong direction down the shopping district, kicking a rock across the pavement and cursing when it bounces off the curb and back at his shin.

“Yosuke, is that you?” Yosuke looks up to spot Naoki lifting several boxes from out of a truck and onto the sidewalk, the struggle evident in his voice as he grits his teeth with each lift. “Mind giving me a hand?”

Yosuke is quick to do just that, even going so far as to help him move each case into the storage room in their store after the delivery truck has come and gone, even despite Naoki’s repeated assurance that he didn’t need to be all that helpful.

“This isn’t alcoholic, I promise,” Naoki smiles, handing Yosuke a soda when they both sit down on top of the crates they’d loaded in. “Thanks, I mean it, but what are you doing out here so late? Everything’s closing.”

“Ah...” Yosuke throws back a sip of his TaP. “I’m just on my way back from visiting Souji.”

Eyebrows raised, Naoki opens his phone and taps away for something. “Isn’t the hospital the other way?”

“Huh? How did you know?”

Grinning, Naoki lifts his phone and faces it towards Yosuke, displaying a picture of Souji sitting up in his hospital bed with a tired but genuine smile, as he holds up a newspaper with a picture of Naoki standing right in front of their shop, and though it’s too small for Yosuke to read the contents, he has to admit it’s not what he focuses on.

“He looks so happy...” Yosuke wrinkles his brow.

“Shouldn’t he be?” Naoki raises just one eyebrow this time, pulling his phone back and taking a curious look at the picture again, as if Yosuke seems to be seeing something he isn’t.

“No, uh, of course he would, it’s just...” Yosuke is often at a loss for words around Naoki. As close as they’ve all gotten to him, it never felt right to tell Naoki about the TV world. It never felt right to tell anyone at all, but with Naoki, there’s always been an extra layer, with the knowledge that his close connection to the case would’ve been hard to get past. It’s a lingering thought whenever they’re around him, not to mention it, and it’s for that reason that Yosuke finds himself unable to address why Souji’s really in the hospital, and why Yosuke’d be questioning his happiness seemingly out of nowhere.

“I get it,” Naoki smiles after a moment, using his touch screen to zoom in on Souji’s face in the photo. “Do you want me to send you this picture? I guess it is kind of cute.”

“Wh--” Yosuke has to set his drink down for that one. “What makes you think I…!” His voice jumps half an octave, but Naoki is as calm as ever when he blinks at him, and Yosuke gathers all of the frustration of the day into one heavy sigh, pushing it out with a groan. “How does everyone know? I didn’t even know!”

“Let me guess,” Naoki muses. “It started when he lived here, but you always figured it would eventually go away. And as anyone with experience could have predicted, it didn’t?”

“Something like that.”

Naoki nods. “You’re not going to tell him, are you?”

“I was going to,” Yosuke hesitates. “Rise told me to since she also, uh, does.”

“Really?” Naoki brightens, shifting his legs around the crate and facing Yosuke directly. “That’s weird… I never would have thought that was true.”

“What? She’s totally obvious!”

“That’s exactly what I mean,” Naoki nods. “It’s so much easier to act and speak that way when you don’t mean it than it is when you do. She’s so affectionate, I thought it was just a weird part of her personality. You always kind of freak out about it. That makes it seem like it’s genuine but either you don’t want it to be or you’re not ready for it.”

“Not ready for what…?” Yosuke nervously sucks in his bottom lip.

“Hm? That’s not my business.” Oddly, Naoki laughs at that, but he seems to be enjoying this for some reason. “Souji-senpai’s not very good at telling people what he wants, but I don’t think that means he doesn’t know. So I think it wouldn’t be fair of you to ask him to accept your wishes when you aren’t even sure yourself what they are.”

“Huh.”

Yosuke goes quiet for a while. As different as they are, there’s something about Naoki that has always reminded Yosuke of Souji, the way they both seem to see right through people. Naoki’s always used that to his advantage, but he’s a lot more straightforward and realistic with his intentions than Souji manages to be. Perhaps it makes sense, why they ended up being such good friends.

“You two are a dangerous combination,” Yosuke laughs half-heartedly, crossing his arms over his chest as he stands firmly on both feet and looks Naoki head-on. “I guess I have a lot to think about. Can we keep this between us?”

“Of course,” Naoki smiles, and Yosuke believes him, even when Naoki immediately pulls out his phone, only to lead to a vibration from Yosuke’s pocket, and Yosuke pulls out his own phone to see that same picture of Souji’s smiling face.

“Oh god,” Yosuke grumbles when his stomach clenches at the sight of it. “Good-bye!”

The pounding from his chest is loud enough to keep much else out, but Yosuke swears he hears Naoki chuckling as he walks away.

In the morning, Yosuke turns on his phone to find a message from Rise: ‘i feel like im truly friends w u now yosuke~~~ so i fnd this pic i took backstage. even senpai never saw this one, so cherish it!!!' The attached picture is as cute as could be expected, and any other day, Yosuke would be thrilled, but after spending his entire night thinking about Souji and about Naoki’s words, the sight of Rise’s picture just has him feeling guilty.

He’s able to drag himself out of bed and past Teddie’s prodding questions about why Yosuke was asleep so early last night and why he’s already leaving again despite not having work today, and if he can come along to visit sensei too. The last one, Yosuke denies outright.

He trudges his way through breakfast uneventfully, dodging all questions about his plans for the day and eventually shoving the last of his meal into his cheeks and using his full mouth as an excuse not to talk. That’s less than flattering, when he opens the front door only to find Rise standing there with the brightest smile on her face that Yosuke thinks he’s ever seen.

It’s too early for this.

“Why?” is all Yosuke says, but Rise isn’t deterred, outright chipper in her enthusiastic reach for Yosuke’s hand and shameless in her threading of their fingers.

All at the same time, it’s both the longest and shortest walk he’s ever taken; his feet feel like they’re being dragged across a desert but it’s over so fast Yosuke swears he blinks right through it. He’s never known Rise not to talk, so he can only guess that he missed whatever it was she was saying, but all of a sudden he’s standing in front of Souji’s hospital room, and Rise’s tugging on the sleeve of his arm, asking--

“Are you ready?”

“Huh?” Yosuke stares back at her smiling face, the room number of Souji’s room looming over her head behind her, and something twists in his stomach, with Naoki’s words echoing through his head.

There’s guilt, and shame, and more guilt, in Yosuke’s gut. His ears are red and his palms are sweating, and before he has a chance to think on it, he pulls his arm out of Rise’s hand, wiping his wet palms on his pants and shaking his head.

“I can’t...do this.” He states plainly, and it’s the most confident he’s felt in a while. “It’s not right.”

The look on Rise’s face makes Yosuke even queasier than he already was. Disappointment, he expected, but there’s a foreign sense of worry. Maybe fear. Yosuke isn’t certain, but he is sure of the way her lip tightens when she tries to speak, “Is it because of me?”

“No, it’s… It’s not you, it’s me. No, wait that sounds like something else, ugh, it’s… I’m not ready to, uh...” Frustrated, and still unable to say it outright, Yosuke waves his hand in the direction of Souji’s room behind them with an exasperated huff, hoping that gets the point across.

It seems to. Rise’s quick to soften her worry, but the disappointment doesn’t leave. Yosuke recognizes disappointment. He’s lived it. He’s embodied it. He feels it.

“I’m not asking you to stop,” Yosuke interrupts both of their unspoken thoughts. “I just can’t.”

“I don’t understand,” Rise drops her arms, dejected, and takes a step back. “Are you trying to tell me you don’t have feelings for him after all? Because I won’t really belie--”

“I do,” Yosuke interrupts quietly. “Strong enough that I want to be able to give him more than the mess that’s in my head right now...”

Rise takes another step back, both hands crossing behind her, and though she smiles, her eyelids and head both drop. “You really did mature, Yosuke. More than I thought.” She sighs. “Maybe too much...”

“How do you mean?” Yosuke asks, and Rise calmly reaches for his sleeve again, this time to pull him onto the bench outside Souji’s room, sitting down next to him.

“Honestly,” Rise whispers. “I thought you’d be mad at me, for going in there with senpai.”

“I was pissed,” Yosuke snaps, a bit too suddenly, nudging Rise affectionately in the side when she jerks back. “Not at you. At him. He knows how I feel about him pulling shit like that in the first place, so at first I thought he went with you just to avoid telling me...”

“At first?” Rise echoes.

“Then I heard what his shadow said, about you being the only one he knew wouldn’t change their mind about him after seeing all that… Right up until hearing that I was ready to punch him, and then I just felt guilty instead like it was my fault I didn’t seem accepting enough.”

“Souji-senpai’s a confident guy, Yosuke, but no one can be confident all the time. Everyone has fears and insecurities, even him.”

“Yeah...”

Yosuke sighs, and he starts to slump down in his seat, but he can’t stop his heel from anxiously tapping on the floor, so aggressively that eventually it’s too annoying to leave alone, and he shoots up onto this feet again.

“Three days!” He growls, quickly hushed. “Three days he left me wondering what happened to him and where he was and then I had to find out h--”

“It wasn’t just you,” Rise says as she stands. “Everyone was in the same position as you were.”

“It’s different! It’s me, he’s my p--” And then Souji opens the door, looking as bright and healthy as ever, and Yosuke can’t help but let out a sigh of relief. “Partner.”

“What are you two doing here~?” Souji asks playfully, obliviously, and Rise knowingly excuses herself with a kind smile and assurance that she’ll be waiting for the both of them outside. Although that leaves Souji somewhat bewildered, Yosuke balls his fists and takes his chance while it’s standing right before him.

“Three days,” he repeats sternly. “I spent three days not knowing where you were only to find out you were hiding something that important from me.”

“Yosuke,” Souji steps in. “I had no idea it’d been that long. For all I knew it was still the morning I first went in. You know time’s weird in there, I couldn’t keep track.”

Yosuke lets him finish, but it doesn’t make him any more accepting of the explanation. “Be honest,” he pleads. “Even if that’s what had happened and you came right back, would you have told me where you were, and what happened? Or would you have kept it to yourself?”

Souji goes quiet, tightly gripping the hem of his sleeve as he looks downward, and as far as Yosuke is concerned, that’s more than enough of an answer.

“I thought so,” he quips. “Look I don’t know what I did to make you feel like you couldn’t open up to me all the way… No that’s… I have an idea of what I might’ve done.”

“You didn’t do anything, Yos--”

“No, don’t do that,” Yosuke begs. “I know you didn’t want us to hear all that, but we did. I’ve always known you were bottling shit up and I let you. I shouldn’t have. And if you think I’m gonna just forget this happened and let you go back to pretending, you’re wrong.”

“Oh,” Souji says, but that’s all he says, and the still emptiness in the air that follows amplifies the ticking of the clock down the hall. It’s a sound Yosuke can’t forget, from the last time they all stood in these halls, yelling and crying and hurting.

The reminder of the past alone is enough to make Yosuke livid, but here they stand again, with Souji’s pride and internal repression having significantly contributed to him ending up in a hospital bed of his own, as far as Yosuke is concerned. It’s worse, being shut out a second time.

He'd put his life on the line for Souji, as many times as he has to. He’s proven it, and he’d prove it again. But though Yosuke would pride himself on being able to pull back so many of Souji’s masks, in times like these he feels blockades up between them that even he can’t break down.

Not like this. Not when Souji won’t let him.

“It’s not fair,” Yosuke mutters aloud, lifting a hand to reach for Souji’s arm but pulling it back with hesitation in his tingling fingers at the last second. “When I said we were partners I meant it. It’s a two-way street but so far you haven’t let me do a whole lot of the driving...”

He’s sort of proud of that metaphor, but a hand on his shoulder reminds him how focused he needs all of his feelings to be right now. “You’re right,” Souji agrees, fingers curling and tightening into the fabric of Yosuke’s shirt, forcing Yosuke’s head up and an instinctive mirrored hand settles on Souji’s shoulder across from him.

“Look don’t start getting all emotional right now, I’m not here to punch you this time. That’s a step towards being equals we already took. But it’s never gonna feel like we’re really there until you figure out how to let me in without making me tear down all the walls first. I’ve only got a sledgehammer and you need a damn bulldozer...”

They both laugh softy, and Souji’s is self-deprecating, but Yosuke knows exactly what to do with that. His pull on Souji’s shoulder is rough, but the swift hug he traps him is worth it even with tightened fists against his back instead of the hands he probably deserves. Yosuke’s not quite there yet.

“At least me,” Yosuke sighs. “I know it’s hard for you to let people in, but if you can’t let your partner in, who can you?”

“That’s what being partners means, right?” Souji’s arms come to rest against Yosuke’s back, and for a few seconds, Yosuke allows himself to enjoy this, a secret test of some other undisclosed desires fitting right along with the ones he’s expressing so appropriately.

“So,” Yosuke pulls back. “Until then, we’re not...fully partners, are we?”

The color leaves Souji’s face, and his voice. “What?”

“Just what I said,” Yosuke takes two steps back, and then another. “We owe it to each other to be on the same page. When you’re ready to let me in, I’m gonna be right here waiting to do the same for you.”

“Wait, Yosuke--” The panic sets in on Souji’s face, and this much Yosuke recognizes as genuine, the breaking of a facade, and in a way, it’s exactly what he wants, but it isn’t enough, not after all this time.

“Don’t keep me waiting long, okay?” Yosuke smiles somberly as he walks backwards, and it takes every fiber of his being, but he resists every urge to turn back once he breaks his gaze and manages to put his back to Souji.

Please follow me, begs a part of him. Please don’t, requests another.

He ultimately finds a third option, when he meets eyes with Rise, patiently waiting outside the hospital exactly as she said she would be.

“Take care of him,” Yosuke says, and as biting as the words are, as disingenuous as they feel on his lips, the both of them know exactly how much he means it.

Chapter Text

Sometimes, Yosuke's life feels like one long list of mistakes.



Naoki (17:42): So you dumped your partner.

Yosuke (17:43): i didnt dump him!!

Naoki (17:43): He probably sees it that way.

Yosuke (17:44): ya well i cnt tell him y

Naoki (17:44): Can you tell me why?

Yosuke (17:45): jst lik u said. got 2 figur out wat i wnt

Yosuke gets a READ notification for that, but never gets any sign of a reply, until his phone starts buzzing, and Naoki’s name and ID picture are splayed across his screen in a request for a call. Tentatively, Yosuke picks up. “Hello?”

“No offense,” Naoki says. “But your typing style gets mentally draining really quickly.”

“Ugh, you’re not the first person to tell me that.”

“Hmm,” Naoki hums, seemingly already onto a different topic faster than Yosuke is used to keeping up with. “I stand by what I said, but I don’t see why you have to get rid of him to do that.” There’s a sound like the flip of a page of a book, and Yosuke can tell he isn’t even the most interesting thing Naoki’s involved with right now.

“I just do! How can I figure out something that serious when he’s right there making everything worse and confusing?”

Naoki laughs. “I think you’re the one making things confusing, Hanamura.”

“You’re probably right.” He is. “But what the hell am I supposed to say? ‘Hey partner, I feel like I’m kinda gay for you, so I need some space to figure out if I’m kinda gay or if I just care about you so damn much I’m getting mixed up and misreading it?’”

“If that’s how you feel,” Naoki flat-lines. “I think that sounds fine.”

“Yeah, well that’s not gonna happen.” Yosuke scratches the tip of his nose, and Naoki goes quiet for a moment, but Yosuke can hear the flip of another page in the background and it adds another layer of anxiousness that he isn’t fond of. “C’mo--”

“I think you’re kind of lucky he didn’t push you into explaining.”

“That’s just the kind of guy he is.”

“I know,” Naoki laughs softly. “But don’t use that fact to take advantage of him by leaving him in the dark forever just because you know he’ll wait.”

“That...” It hits Yosuke so hard that he has to pull the phone away from his ear and set it down, grip tight around it and even tighter in his own fist, tapping against his frustrated and wrinkled forehead.

“What, are you waiting for him to make the first move?” Yosuke snaps the phone back up to his ear.

“It’s not exactly like that...” It’s almost exactly like that. “He needs to meet me halfway.”

“I don’t understand your relationship,” Naoki muses; he’s more curious than judgmental. “But if that’s how it is, make sure he doesn’t go all that way for nothing.”

“It’s just for a little while,” Yosuke promises.

And it is. Until it isn’t.

For the most part, Yosuke puts it out of his mind. Puts Souji out of his mind at least, as best as he can considering they’ve been in contact on a daily basis for the past three years. Work keeps him busy, something he was initially upset about, when he thought he’d be aiming to spend as much of Souji’s trip with him as possible, but now that he’s doing everything in his power to ignore him, he’s thankful for each and every distraction.

Especially so, when he reads in their group chat that Rise and Naoto both re-arranged their schedules so they could take the train back into the city with Souji, making it one big convenient good-bye for everyone. It’s petty, and goes against every bit of the maturity he’d managed to grow into, but Yosuke makes use of his seniority and switches shifts with another long-time employee, conveniently leaving his schedule completely full that entire day.

Seeing Souji leaving again like that would take Yosuke several steps backwards, and he knows himself well enough to know he’d probably forgive him right then, and decide to forget about everything for a while. He’s been on that roller coaster one too many times.

“It’s not like he cried or anything,” Rise tells him on the phone later that night. “But I think you really broke his heart a little.

“Oh, c’mon, you know I don’t want to hear that,” Yosuke groans. “We’ll fix this when he’s ready, I’m not worried about it. For now I kinda need to fix myself.”

“I don’t think you’re broken in the first place, Yosuke,” she giggles softly. “But I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing. Senpai does too.”

“He talked to you about it?”

“Hm. It’s not like we went into detail. But Naoto-kun and I had a few hours alone with him on the train. Of course we talked.”

“...Is he mad at me?” That’s all he needs to know, really.

“Of course not. I think you kind of freaked him out though. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him so...determined.”

“Determined to do what?” Yosuke asks.

“I don’t know~” Rise muses, a distinctly playful hum in her voice. “But I’m excited to find out.”

Fortunately for Yosuke’s sanity, it becomes even easier to put all of that out of his mind the second he comes into work a week later and is told that he’ll be in charge of showing the new trainees around and providing them with their orientation. Yosuke’s gotten used to a lot of things over the years, but this isn’t one of them; though, he would openly and earnestly blame that on the less-than-enthusiastic part-timers unwilling to put the work in that they should, and definitely not in any way a reflection of his inability to be seen as an authority figure.

He goes through these on auto-pilot, at this point. He’s memorized the Junes employee handbook, the code of conduct, the contracts; most important of all the same exact speech he gives each new group of seasonal workers, including his final note that being the boss’ son doesn’t give him as much power as they think and not to ask him for any favors – even he doesn’t get those.

It’s so automatic that’s he’s done and dismissing them to their assigned departments for shadowing without feeling as if any time has even passed, and Yosuke is relieved to see all the faces disappear from his eye line, running a hand through his hair as he then ducks into the break room and sinks into the bean bag chair he brought in himself specifically for moments like these.

“--ouji-kun, help me with these boxes!”

Yosuke’s ears vibrate, and he’s on his feet even faster than he’d gotten off them – did he just hear Souji’s name? He doesn’t hesitate to find out, charging out the door so haphazardly that he instantly collides with a tower of cardboard boxes, knocking them out of a pair of arms that swiftly reaches out to catch them. It’s a futile effort however, and Yosuke promptly steps into one of the boxes, crushing it and getting his foot stuck, leading him to step back into another with the other foot. Before he even registers what’s happening, he’s flat on his ass wearing cardboard boxes for shoes.

“Need some help, Hanamura-san?” A friendly voice asks, and Yosuke instinctively grabs onto the hand he finds thrust in front of his face, kicking the boxes off his feet once he stands and has a proper grip.

“Thanks,” he sighs, brushing off the seat of his pants once he’s back to standing on his own. “Wait, how do you know my name?”

“You gave me my orientation just now,” the voice laughs, and Yosuke finally gives the stranger a proper look. The boy’s built like a branch; limbs long and thin, but fluid in the way they move. His black hair is pushed back, eyes big and curious, and the smile he’s wearing is dazzling in the way Yosuke thinks Teddie’s might be if there wasn’t always nonsense spewing out of it.

“Sorry about that,” Yosuke nods apologetically, though even he’s not sure whether he’s apologizing for not recognizing him or for their collision. “Looks like you’re assigned to my department today.”

“Yepp!” The newbie says brightly, standing up straight and giving Yosuke a playful salute, his grin somehow cheeky and earnest at the same time. Weird, Yosuke thinks, it’s almost cute. “At your service, Hanamura-san! I’m Kouji.”

Oh. Yosuke’s shoulders slump. He hadn’t heard Souji’s name after all.

“Something wrong?”

“Oh, uh, no,” Yosuke clears his throat, pointlessly brushing off his pants in a need to fidget as he kneels over and starts picking up the crushed boxes. “I’ll help you clean this up. Sorry about running into you.”

“It’s okay,” Kouji’s smile holds. “At least they were empty, right?”

“Yeah,” Yosuke answers on reflex alone. His mind wanders, feeling the disappointment of not finding Souji like he’d briefly expected, and subsequently scolding himself for it when he’s supposed to be avoiding him. They pick up the boxes quickly enough, with plenty to replace the ones Yosuke managed to crush, and though Yosuke finds his mind too far away from here to engage in his usual expert-level small talk, that doesn’t seem to be a problem. Kouji fills every second with a one-sided conversation of his own, and Yosuke learns more about him in the 10 minutes it takes to finish Kouji’s assigned task than he typically learns about the part-timers in their entire runs at Junes.

Kouji’s older than Yosuke, but only by a couple of years. He goes to university halfway across the country, and is only in Inaba long enough to take care of his grandfather. Surprisingly, Yosuke connects him to a local old man almost instantly, so familiar with the Junes regulars that he can recall helping Kouji’s grandfather bag his groceries on more than one occasion, and more importantly, that he’d stopped seeing the familiar face more than a week ago.

“Threw his back out,” Kouji explains as he follows behind Yosuke in applying price labels. “I hope I’m still trying to impress my neighbors at karaoke when I’m 70.” The grin he bears tells Yosuke he may be doing it even longer.

“I’ve never been that into karaoke,” Yosuke shrugs. “Maybe it’s because I can’t drink yet. Seems like most things past high school are more fun when you’ve been drinking, hah.”

“I wouldn’t say that’s true,” Kouji shrugs, and Yosuke is lucky enough to see how his own shrug is being mirrored and mocked through a smirk.

“Wh- Hey-”

“The more fun a person is, the less alcohol they need. It’s more like it’s a good way for everyone to get to the same level.”

Yosuke nods, scoffing through a suppressed laugh. “Guess I see why all seem to drink so much then.”

He forgets he’s talking to a stranger for a moment, and after a few beats of silence Yosuke looks up to find Kouji quizzically examining him, but he bursts into laughter the instant they lock eyes. “You get it!” He says brightly, holding his stomach. “I’ve never met a police officer who wasn’t stiff.”

He has to quiet down the other’s laughter when a few customers glance in their direction, but Yosuke has to admit it’s nice having such a positive presence at work, where he’s normally all-business, and before long Yosuke is smiling with him.

There’s no slacking – even without his father’s eyes on him directly, Yosuke’s adapted to working as if they’re hovering over him – but the tedious nature of teaching an employee seems to fade away as the day goes on, with Kouji making jokes with the produce and asking for the inside scoop on every employee they pass, and not only does Yosuke manage to work right through lunch to the end of his shift, he doesn’t even mind it.

When that alarm on his phone finally does vibrate in his pocket, Yosuke pulls himself out of his work daze, but mutes his phone without looking at it.

“Today was surprisingly fun,” Kouji says, leaving Yosuke to wonder if he can read minds, as he removes his apron and name tag to stuff them both in his locker. “They have a Junes in my city too, but it’s smaller. Seemed like a boring job, so I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

“It is a boring job,” Yosuke laughs, slamming his locker shut and unconsciously leaning against it instead of making any move to leave. “Trust me, you’ll get tired of everything as soon as it’s not new.”

“Maybe,” Kouji sucks in his bottom lip as he puts his own apron away. “I have a feeling you’ll be the exception to that though, Hanamura-san.”

Yosuke’s posture straightens, but not stiff or rigid, just as tall as he can naturally get, taking in a shark breath. “Wh-what?”

“I just think you seem like the most fun thing here,” Kouji says, patting Yosuke’s forearm as he walks by, and the hair on Yosuke’s skin raises at the touch, giving him a familiar chill.

But he doesn’t let himself show any response, offering Kouji nothing more than a bashful grin.

“See you tomorrow?” The older male offers, unperturbed by Yosuke’s silence, and Yosuke holds strongly onto it, nodding in affirmation and otherwise nothing more than gripping his phone through his pocket. He has to tell Souji about this, about how he’s pretty sure – no, certain – that a guy just hit on him, and he can feel his fingertips like a ghost against his hand, typing the shocked message without them actually doing it. His grip on his phone tightens, fist clenched as Yosuke realizes how quickly he could make things worse or take back this haphazard plan altogether, but even worse, he can picture how much he’d hurt Souji by being so shocked by this in the first place, and his imagination focuses in on Souji’s face, and his voice, and what he’d say if he were here.

“Kouji-kun, wait,” Yosuke’s voice escapes on its own, but his body follows, whipping around to stop him from getting too far. “Do you wanna...I don’t know. Hang out sometime? You know, after work? Uh, this weekend or something, maybe?”

Hand on the door, Kouji looks back and beams. “Yeah, I’d love that.”

The sensation gets worse; the incessant pull he feels towards his phone at all times, like he should be telling Souji about this, or at least someone if not him. But isn’t that worse, the idea of confiding in anyone other than his best friend about things that already feel so big to him? At least if he’s keeping secrets, he can tell himself he’s just not ready or willing to talk about the intimate details of his life with anyone, instead of intentionally avoiding telling the person he wants to be a part of them.

That night, Yosuke dreams of Teddie, and finds himself waking up with a vague desire for how things used to be; less complicated, less to think about. If nothing else, Teddie is always a reminder of how simple life can seem when you let it.

A new day greets Yosuke with reminders, however, how just how complicated he’s made his own life, as he hits his snooze button one too many times and races out the door for work, running through his morning routine so quickly he can still taste the leftover toothpaste in his mouth as the wind hits him.

Better than bugs. That would make the bike ride so much worse, especially considering the grinding halt he comes to when Kouji walks right in front of his usual spot on the bike rack. He has to give himself credit for his expert-level swerving, as he avoids any sort of collision and slides right into his usual place just as his potential victim jumps out of the way.

“Be careful!” Kouji gasps, hand pressing to his chest. “Imagine if you’d crashed.”

“No biggie,” Yosuke laughs. “That’s how I met my best friend.”

Context be damned, Yosuke shrugs, bemused, at the curious look Kouji gives him, ultimately saying nothing more about it and hurrying inside to make sure he isn’t late by even a few seconds. It’s not a race, but Kouji seems to take it as one, sliding his time card in just before Yosuke’s and giving him a cocky wink when Yosuke whips around.

“How did you--”

“Beat you?” Kouji smiles. “What can I say, long arms come in handy sometimes.” He stretches both of them outward as a display of that very fact, one hand on each side of Yosuke’s head, fingertips tapping against the wall he’s more or less trapped him against. “See?”

“Whoa,” escapes Yosuke’s lips, his heartbeat the only thing quicker than his hands planting against the cold surface behind him. “You’re the touch-y feel-y type, huh,” Yosuke observes, meeting his eyes despite the fluttering in his stomach.

“Just with the cute ones,” Kouji winks. The flutter grows.

But Yosuke has little experience being on this end of flirting, so he can’t help how instantly he panics, how eagerly he crouches out of between Kouji’s arms and ducks over to the side, catching his weight on his fingertips and pushing himself into a subtle jog to check in with his superior.

Kouji doesn’t seem to be deterred by Yosuke’s lack of communication skills though. Throughout the day, he waves with a warm smile every time he passes Yosuke in the store, lets his fingers linger on Yosuke’s when he passes along a physical memo between their departments, and even goes so far as to surprise Yosuke with a free lunch, already waiting with his own to present it to him when Yosuke arrives at the break room.

At first Yosuke accepts it with a beaming smile, but as he stares at the box in his hands and fully registers the care that must have been put into it, his smile falls. “Did someone put you up to this?”

Kouji’s eyebrow raises. “No, I decided to make you lunch all on my own.”

Yosuke shakes his head, returning to his bad habit of rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s not just that, its-- you’re doing all this stuff. Why are you being so nice to me? It’s almost like you’re-- you’re flirting.”

“Oh, I am.” Kouji doesn’t miss a beat. “I’m interested in you. Was that not clear enough? I can be more clear.”

“No!” Yosuke instinctively throws his hands up defensively, as if to stop Kouji from stepping any closer. “I mean, uh, no I got that, I guess… Or I think I guess I did. I don’t know. Like I knew, but I didn’t know if I knew? We just met though!”

Kouji chuckles with a crinkle in the corner of his eye that Yosuke can’t help but stare at – it reminds him of the way Souji’s eyes move in the few moments he’s been blessed by his hearty laughter. “I’m not promoting marriage, Yosuke. I liked talking to you when I met you the other day, and you’re attractive. You keep proving you’re pretty cute, too. I’m just not hiding any of that.”

“Wh--” Yosuke falters, both hands dropping low at his side and eyes fixated on those mysterious eyes. “How do you say this stuff so easily?”

Kouji’s free hand comes up to tap at his chin. “I guess losing some important people in my life made me realize you never know when it’ll be the last time you see someone. No reason to leave things unsaid if you can help it.”

“Yeah...” Yosuke would clutch at the sudden itch in his chest were his hands not occupied. “You free today, after work? We could go for a drink or something.”

“A drink,” Kouji smirks, kicking a foot out in front himself and letting out a low whistle. “You sure move fast. We haven’t even had lunch yet!”

“You started it,” Yosuke manages a laugh too, shrugging off his nerves and guiltily acknowledging the bento box he’s surely made a mess of inside from all his flailing about.

Even in spite of that, Kouji says yes, but not until after they share a relatively quiet lunch in the break room, exchanging random facts about themselves through a safe-for-work version of 20 Questions that Yosuke takes to heart.

Evening comes both too quickly and too slowly all at once; Yosuke spends the whole afternoon thinking about it, but nothing had truly prepared him for the rush of adrenaline he gets when he arrives outside at his bike, to find Kouji leaning against the wall next to it, waiting.

“Took you long enough,” The younger between them teases, standing up straight. “You’re a whole 40 seconds late. You’re lucky this isn’t a date, or you’d be in trouble.”

“It isn’t?” Yosuke wonders aloud, clearing his throat after he regrets it.

“I guess it is now,” Kouji nods decisively, patting the seat of Yosuke’s bike. “Sorry I can’t ride too, my grandfather lives close enough that I always just walk.”

“It’s fine,” Yosuke shakes his head, pulling his bike out of its spot and walking along next to Kouji, heading further into town. “I’d let you ride on the handlebars, but me and my part-- uh, best friend, once found out the hard way how dangerous that is.”

“A rebel!” Kouji beams, hands in his pockets. “I wouldn’t have expected that from you. You seem to work really hard and take care of the other employees really well. Plus with your dad running the store and all, I’d think you’d have to remain on your best behavior.”

Yosuke groans remembering how often it was the exact opposite, but he’s smiling, not regretting a single one of the memories he made then.

Some idle chatter later, Yosuke pulls his bike up to Shiroku Pub and tucks it in the back, ushering Kouji inside and claiming two open seats at the bar. “This place okay?” He asks, out of respect more than anything, knowing their choice of bars is limited around here, and Kouji seems to know that just as well, nodding with a choked laugh.

“Sorry to get right to the point, Yosuke, but what made you invite me out for a drink like this? We could’ve gone to a movie, our out to eat, or the arcade. But this is what came to your mind.”

Yosuke waits until after they’ve received their drinks to answer, noting with his eyes when the hostess has absorbed herself in flirting with one of the customers at the end of the bar. “I wanted to talk to you without a lot of people or distractions.” He takes a long sip of his drink, a strong whiskey his dad likes, hiding his inevitable cough in the crook of his elbow.

Kouji glances at him, then suddenly registers something, planting the palm of his hand over Yosuke’s glass. “Why didn’t she check your ID?”

Yosuke coughs again, shaking off the burn of his first-ever drink, and stifles a laugh. “My best friend did some work for the owner a few years back. She looks the other way for us because we have Ris-- Uh, because of some connections we have. This is the first time I’ve taken advantage of it though...”

Kouji’s face pales a bit, but he sneaks a glance at the hostess and finds that she doesn’t seem to have a care in the world, so he pulls back his hand and sighs. “Okay, lots of secrets in this town. What was it you wanted to talk about?”

Yosuke stares ahead, preparing himself before he takes another sip, smaller this time. “You’re doing all this flirting with me, and telling me how you feel. Even though I’m a guy, you’re so open and honest about it and...how?” He doesn’t stutter, earnest distress in his wrinkled brow as he turns his head towards Kouji with his hand still around his glass.

Kouji takes a more natural drink of his own, settling his hands in his lap and leaning back. “You wouldn’t have entertained me this far if you were straight. But since we’re here I’m going to guess...closeted?”

Yosuke opens his mouth to protest, but stares down his drink and considers that Kouji has no expectations of Yosuke, no knowledge of his issues with Kanji, or his feelings for Souji, or any of his dating history. All he knows is the Yosuke here and now drinking in a bar with him after he’d confessed a crush. “Yeah, closeted, I guess so,” he offers up verbally for the first time. The alcohol helps his acting, as Kouji doesn’t seem to realize there’s any heavier impact than an admission.

“Hm,” Kouji traces his slender finger around the rim of his glass a few times. “I visited New York City once. I got to see a pride parade up close, and see how happy everyone was. I know I can’t reach that level here, but when I got back to Japan I realized how much I was sacrificing my own happiness by trying to hide part of myself that would make me happier to embrace.”

Yosuke soaks it in, swallowing another swig of whiskey along with it. “It’s not only my own happiness I’ve impacted trying to deal with this.”

“That happens.” Kouji smiles and drinks. “That’s why you stop dealing with it.”

“But--”

“That mindset frames it like a burden you have to get rid of. You’re never going to get to that happy place until you realize it’s just a part of you and it’s never going away. And,” Kouji reaches out a hand to pat Yosuke’s shoulder, curving his fingers into his shirt so he has a good grip. “That there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“I know that,” Yosuke shakes his head, taking another drink until he finishes his glass off. “It’s just-- It’s hard knowing I’m not what I expected to be. Or I guess, not what other people expected me to be.”

“I get that,” Kouji lightly nudges Yosuke’s foot under the counter with his own. “But wouldn’t the people in your life rather you be yourself? If not, why would you want them there?”

“It sounds so easy when you say it like that,” Yosuke’s groan turns into a self-deprecating laugh. “But how do you really know it--”

“Oh, one second.” Kouji reaches into his pocket, checking something on his phone and giving Yosuke the opportunity to sneak the last of his drink for himself. “Yosuke, I’m really sorry but I have to go help my grandfather.”

“Of course,” Yosuke sighs, but nods with as understanding a grin he can manage, leaving cash and tip on the counter next to their glasses and pulling Kouji along with him onto standing feet. “Want me to walk you home?”

Kouji hesitates, but shakes his head. “We’re going opposite directions.” On the contrary, it’s Kouji who helps Yosuke get to his bike, and the two of them stand at the street, in the silence of the night air.

“Sooooo,” Yosuke drags it out, hands clutching his bike handlebars.

“So?” Kouji nonchalantly reaches a hand into Yosuke’s pocket and grabs his phone, keying in his own number and then stuffing it back in where he’d found it. “You have my number now. Text me anytime, I promise I’ll answer.”

“Got it,” Yosuke sighs a breath of relief. Seeing Kouji turn to leave though, Yosuke stumbles to get in front of him, acting on the impulse reeling through him, turning his mental curiosities into physical ones and pushes himself up against Kouji, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Yosuke’s eyes are closed, so he doesn’t register much of what’s happening despite it being his own choices that led him to this situation, but his mouth is warm and a familiar daydream of Souji passes through his mind until he shivers from the alcohol coursing through his system and pulls back, climbing onto his bike as if nothing happened.

“See you tomorrow!” he calls over his shoulder, unwilling to acknowledge any potential reaction on the other end.

Yosuke’s adrenaline pedals him all the way home, and it seems to take no more than a few seconds, with his head reeling with so many different thoughts that he can’t process them all at once, and he all but tosses his bike on the grass when he arrives, kicking off his shoes and storming up to his room with a sense of urgency he has no purpose for.

Pacing the floor back and forth, Yosuke’s hand grips his phone, feeling an insatiable urge to call Souji and tell him all about what happened, all about what he’s feeling and holy shit he had his first drink and kissed a guy and liked it and--

Yosuke pauses and collapses backwards onto his bed, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling.

He liked it.

He holds his phone out in front of him. Scrolls by Souji’s name, and then over Naoki’s, and then Kouji’s, which he hovers over for far too long, mysteriously anxious about seeing it, instead of happy. Happy’s what he’s supposed to be feeling, right?

With a flick of his finger, he makes a blind scroll through his contacts, but lands right there he feels he should have, and doesn’t hesitate any further before calling Chie’s number.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up, please god pick up Satonak--”

“Yosuke?”

“I kissed a boy and I liked it,” Yosuke blurts out, ready to hang up already just from how much stress falls from his shoulders.

“You mean the Katy Perry song?”

Yosuke sits up and yelps. “That’s about kissing girls!”

“Oh yeah...” Chie goes quiet for too long. “How?”

“What do you mean how?” Yosuke stands to his feet, phone pressed tightly to his ear because he refuses to put it on speaker, even as he resumes pacing around his room. “I shouldn’t have to explain kissing to you.”

“I know how to kiss!” Chie’s voice stings his ear, but it’s a welcome familiarity. “How can you have kissed a guy when Souji’s all the way in the city?”

“He- He’s not the only guy out there.” Yosuke’s stomach turns from saying that. It feels like a lie.

“Duh. But he’s the only guy you’re in love with.”

“I’m not even g-- Fuck!” Yosuke falls to the floor and grabs for his foot, where he’d just stubbed a toe on his bookcase. “I’m not even gonna dignify that with a response.”

“Is reality crushing you over there, Hanamura?”

Yosuke groans. “I fucking… I like guys I guess okay!”

“Okay?” Chie laughs heartily, and Yosuke hears a few voices in the background, leading to Chie hushing her voice. “Took you long enough.”

“Just.” Yosuke sighs, defeated and slightly tipsy and now in pain. “Just don’t tell anyone, okay?

“Wait,” Chie gasps, whispered. “You came out to me first? That’s a huuuge deal.”

“Yeah,” Yosuke snaps, but softens it with a fond sigh. “So don’t make me regret it, okay?”

“I won’t!” She takes it so seriously, Yosuke can sense how much of a cop she’s becoming even over the phone. “I have to sleep now, but call me during the daytime soon and tell me all about it.”

“You got it, Miss Satonaka,” Yosuke grins, collapsing back onto his bed as soon as he hangs up.

He replays the kiss over and over in his mind when his head hits the pillow, closing his eyes as he had, and with no visual memory to attach to the warm feelings, Yosuke pictures Souji’s face and Souji’s lips, and wonders exactly how their heights would have lined up for that.

Before he can figure it out, he falls asleep, and dreams of abstract images, the feeling of Souji surrounding him with the warmth he’d felt in that moment.




The next day, Yosuke doesn’t have to try very hard to find Kouji; instead of meeting at work like they normally do, Kouji finds Yosuke on the road, coming up behind him with a friendly clap on his shoulder and a wave, smiling so wide his eyes disappear.

At first, Yosuke says nothing, unsure of the protocol here – does he bring it up casually like it’s nothing, or is he meant to coolly think of it as nothing to the point where there’s no reason to bring it up at all? Yosuke’s never been good at these situations, where he has no sense of precedent, and in his mental fumble, he also experiences another verbal one.

“I liked it,” is all he says, in place of any greeting.

“Me too?” Kouji replies, lift in his voice like he’s not certain what Yosuke’s referring to. But they both do.

“I mean,” Yosuke clears his throat. “Last night, it was nice to hang out with someone and talk like that. My best friend lives in the city so I don’t get to do that a lot.”

His best friend. He keeps saying that, without hesitation. No matter what they’re going through, they’ll always be that. Yosuke’s certain.

“But I liked the other thing too,” Yosuke laughs, and Kouji grins from ear to ear, smile thin and smug. He’s even worse at hiding his emotions than Yosuke is.

“Glad to hear it,” Kouji nods, and the inside of Yosuke’s head pounds. “I had fun too. Actually...” He digs around in his bag and pulls out a few pamphlets, handing them over to Yosuke with an eager look on his face. “I found some online universities you could enroll in. That way you could keep working while you study.”

Yosuke holds the pamphlets in his hands, eyes glancing over them so briefly it’s as if he didn’t try at all, but it’s the idea more than anything, that counts. “That’s pretty cool of you to remember… And pretty cool that you were thinking of me at all!”

Kouji laughs, shoving his hands in his pockets. “It just makes sense. You’re a workaholic, you know that? You keep mentioning that friend who’s far away too. You could go anywhere you want without having to change schools this way.”

Yosuke’s always hated changing schools. Even as a near-adult, it feels like an idea that he’d feared in the back of his mind without even realizing it. He can’t help but smile. “Thanks Kouji. You’re...a thoughtful genius?” Yosuke raises an eyebrow at him, feeling an energy about him that is all too familiar. They arrive at Junes before Yosuke can say much more, but when Kouji moves to open the door ahead of him, Yosuke hesitates.

“Not into chivalry?” Kouji jokes.

“I was just thinking,” Yosuke shrugs, but he grinning. “We should do that again. If that’s okay.” Kouji blinks at him, and Yosuke have to wonder if it is perhaps goosebumps that cause the hair on top of his head to raise.

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” Kouji chuckles low, and Yosuke has never felt so desirable.

That record is soon broken, when Kouji corners Yosuke during their break and surprises him with a kiss similar to the one Yosuke had initiated; testing and quick, but Yosuke accepts, shaking in his apron but secretly wondering if it’s merely the tingling so deeply in his skin.

After work, Yosuke initiates with more intent, and most of his shame having passed, and when Kouji presses warm palms to Yosuke’s cheeks, accepting his kiss with a tease from his tongue, Yosuke has to wonder, deep down, how much softer Souji’s tongue is.

Gay or bi, Yosuke still isn’t sure. If he were to be frank, it doesn’t much matter anymore. He’s proven to himself that kissing guys is pretty great, and with the knowledge that ‘guys’ includes one Souji Seta, Yosuke knows all he needs to know about himself. None of the rest is anyone’s business anyway, even if it mattered.

Chaste kisses become tender ones, tender kisses soon grow fervent, and within weeks of rendezvous at every spare moment during their work schedules, Yosuke and Kouji have reached the point of making out, even if it’s only for a few minutes at a time, and even if they say very little about it between meetings, as if it’s an unspoken understanding that they are at any time waiting for the next one.

Frankly, Yosuke is.

He’s discovered a new use and target for his hormones, and the freedom that comes along with accepting whatever desires he finds himself with instead of questioning them. Every night, he dreams of Souji, and kissing Souji, and Souji kissing him. In his dreams, sometimes Souji is the one desperate for Yosuke’s touch, but more often than not, it’s Yosuke’s desperation that takes focus, his unspoken desires finding a voice in his dreams. At least they’re safe there.

What’s a little less safe, is how often Yosuke escapes the idea of Kouji entirely. Even when the two of them find their lips locked and arms wrapped around one another, Yosuke never registers Kouji as the culprit of any of it. They’re Kouji’s limbs and lips and tongue, sure, but they spend so little time talking and so much of it with their eyes closed, Yosuke is free to imagine those limbs, lips, tongue, all belong to Souji. That projection may very well be the only reason Yosuke finds himself becoming more and more assertive and eager, neither of which being words he would’ve used to describe himself in such a situation before.

But after all this time, Souji has Yosuke feeling so hungry, and without his best friend to fulfill the place Yosuke so desperately wants him in, he accepts his new friend acting as a proxy, even if he’d never dare tell him that out loud.

That was the plan anyway.

But on a hormone-charged day near the end of June, Yosuke is feeling so bold, his nightly fantasies growing in intensity, that he climbs in Kouji’s lap without thinking, sitting on top of Souji in his mind, but after all, what’s the difference?

Kouji is even more emboldened by Yosuke’s pursuit however, and without little warning, Kouji’s hand finds its way between Yosuke’s legs, pressing between his thighs and pulling a moan from deep within Yosuke’s stomach.

Yosuke’s saving grace, is in his quick hand and the similarity of their names, when he’s just in time to cover his mouth, as Souji’s name escapes his lips instead.

His eyes go wide, and Yosuke is quick in his scramble off of Kouji’s lap, Yosuke’s hand still covering his mouth, and he blinks at Kouji in front of him, feeling an unpleasant twist in his stomach with shame and guilt trickling out his pores as he feels himself sweat.

“Sorry,” he says, only then pulling his hand away from his face. He’s quick onto his feet, attempting to shake off his goosebumps on his skin, but they won’t go away. It doesn’t make sense, to be feeling so guilty, so ashamed and so wrong, especially now, after they’ve been doing this for a while, but Kouji seems almost amused when Yosuke excuses himself and pedals his bike home with shaky legs.

He closes himself off behind his bedroom door when he arrives home, back hitting the door with a thud, and he follows it to the floor, sliding until he hits his bottom and shakes his head. He can’t ask Naoki about this feeling, because he’d have to confess what he’s been doing with Kouji all this time, and he’s been so thankful to have this experiment all to himself.

“Chie,” Yosuke remembers aloud, and he’s dialing her number faster than he can think it, his hands shaking.

“Hanamura,” She states when she picks up. “How my gay best friend doing?”

“Not great,” Yosuke sighs, too disturbed to play into her teasing. “I need help, Satonaka. The serious kind.”

“Damn,” Chie sighs, and shuffles around on her end, until Yosuke hears near silence. “What’s going on, Yosuke?”

He heaves a deep sigh, for himself more than anything. “Souji and I aren’t dating,” his voice cracks on the last word, but Chie says nothing. “But kissing this other guy, it feels wrong. It’s like I’m cheating even though we’re not together, it’s...stupid, isn’t it? What’s wrong with me?”

To Yosuke’s surprise, Chie laughs, and he’d be upset if it didn’t seem to be a joyous laugh instead of a mocking one. “You have feelings for him, Yosuke. Maybe you’re not betraying Souji but you’re obviously betraying your feelings. Just go get him.”

“Tsk, it’s not that easy,” Yosuke groans, sliding all the way onto his back and rolling over, so he’s face-down in a pile of dirty laundry on the floor. In the pocket of one of his jackets, the online university pamphlets Kouji has gifted him poke out, and Yosuke tentatively pulls one with a bright color scheme but professional design out, a soft smile paying him a visit. “Hey guess what? I’m applying to university.”

“Are you just saying that to change the subject?” Chie prods, suspicious, but she huffs just the same. “I’m happy for you. Have you told Souji yet?”

“I haven’t told him...anything.” They both understand what that means.

“Well can you hurry up?” Chie teases, but with truth behind it. “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but we miss you in the group chat.”

“Aw~” Yosuke teases back, feeling their teenage dynamic slipping in. “Don’t worry, your secret’s sa--”

Yosuke’s phone chirps, and there’s a text from Kouji.

“Chie, I gotta go, sorry and thank you!”

He can’t help be the slightest bit frantic, but he knows Chie will understand, he did apologize after all, and reading his friend’s message takes a lot more attention than he’d be able to give while also listening to someone else.


19:47:04 14/06/21

Kouji

Everything okay?

You left so suddenly, I didn’t get a chance to check on you ): Hope you’re alright!

Yosuke gulps, and texts back that he’s just stressed about this university application he’s working on. Kouji believes it, and Yosuke breathes a sigh of relief. It’s not exactly a lie. Not anymore, anyway. He may have to make note of that strategy for later.

Intent on making sure that ‘truth’ comes to fruition, Yosuke stays up hours past dinner researching the online university he’s chosen and filling out the application, channeling Souji as intensely as their bond will allow him when he reaches the essay portion.

Eventually he falls asleep on his laptop, and dreams of Souji taking away any and all of the innocence his dream self still had left.

For all the new ideas in Yosuke’s head, as of the next morning, Yosuke wakes up without one – confusion. Never before has he been so certain of his situation, as when he wakes up with his hand down his pants along with a mess he doesn’t remember making, and the ‘Application Sent!’ notification page up on his laptop, for the online university that just so happens to have an office in the same part of Tokyo where Souji lives.

‘Signs You Might Be Obsessed With Your Best Friend’ is an article Yosuke now knows he could write without a moment’s hesitation, and he has never missed Souji as intently as he does in the moment where Teddie then calls him for breakfast from downstairs, and Yosuke almost wishes he didn’t have the day off.

“You miss Souji, don’t you?” he asks Teddie once they’re seated across from each other at the table.

“Of course I miss Sensei,” Teddie pouts, a frown which grows when he sees Yosuke opting for a piece of fruit instead of the warm meal he went through the trouble to prepare for the two of them. “But why are you asking me that?”

Yosuke pokes his fork into his rice, unable to work up the right appetite for it, but the ideas that surface make him smile like a man who’s had his full. “You and Souji would go shopping together a lot, right? I have some things I need to get. Do you want to join me?”

He’d thought his idea a genius one, but even Yosuke isn’t prepared for Teddie leaning across the table, pushing over food in the process to throw his arms around Yosuke and let out an exaggerated sob. “I thought you’d never ask!” he beams, and Yosuke can’t help but smile.

Sharing an activity they both share with Souji dampens the loneliness, and Yosuke has to admit that making Teddie happy makes him far more tolerable even after several hours of dragging him around to every store that reminds him of his Sensei. Yosuke doesn’t mind those reminders either.

Yosuke almost forgets about what day it is by the time they get home, his body heavily slumping into his bed and collapsing over the pile of university prep materials he’d collected, leaving him to pass out using his arm as a pillow – even with an actual one so close by.

He sleeps right through dinner, cracking his eyes open and crawling over a tingling, drool-covered arm and his aching shoulder, only to discover after he’s recovered from being blinded by his phone that it’s just shy of midnight. Minutes before the clock marks his birthday.

There was once a time when Yosuke dreaded this moment, dreaded the reminder that so few people remembered, if any did at all. But that’s no longer a fear, and Yosuke has discovered just how good it feels to see that predictable influx of greetings throughout the day, so much so that it wakes him right up, rubbing his eyes as he leans back against his pillow and pulls his knees in towards him, fiddling with the cord from the earbuds sticking out of his phone. It’s not as satisfying without being able to hear it though, so Yosuke pulls them out just in time to hear a series of dings, phone vibrating in his hand as a satisfied grin grows across his face.

Without opening any of them, Yosuke scrolls through his messages and makes mental note of each of the names, until he arrives at Kouji’s, thumb hovering over his message, hesitant to scroll past it, a part of him wanting it to be the first message he reads in full. But he resists that temptation, scrolling all the way to the bottom to see who’d made it earliest, whose message got pushed to the back after all of those that came after it.

Yosuke reads that first name, and everything around him stills.

00:00:00 14/06/22

Partner

Happy birthday \^o^/

All of a sudden every other name seems to blur and fade from Yosuke’s mind, and even after so long – especially after so long – there isn’t any hesitation as Yosuke’s priorities sort themselves out without him having to do much of that work himself, and with a jittery tingle to each of his fingertips, Yosuke opens Souji’s message and finds himself sitting straight up.

00:00:00 14/06/22

Partner

Happy birthday \^o^/

happy bIrthday \^o^/ you beat Me to adulthood, but i’m not faR behind. be safE tonight, but if you do partAke in your first Drink, please take note of the recipe for me so i can make it mY first too. are you free to join me? i’ll be looking forward to it.

Yosuke stares at the message until his eyes hurt. It’s so simple, so straightforward, but something seems off, seems ‘un-Souji’ about the delivery, and it’s on this twentieth read-over that he notices the emphasis in strange places, like certain letters were meant to stand out.

Souji doesn’t do anything by accident. Each of those letters was deliberate, and Yosuke takes advantage of his mess of a bed, pulling a pen from his bag and scribbling each one right onto the back of one of his university information pamphlets, content be damned.

I M R E A D Y it spells out. Yosuke skips a breath.

The follow-up, Souji’s unedited ‘are you free to join me?’ is so much more than a friendly invitation.

All at once, Yosuke feels a rush of relief, and excitement, and a very specific and certain active curiosity that he hasn’t felt since the moment he first decided to investigate a murder. He doesn’t know what the protocol is here, but it’s not like they’d ever established any rules in this arrangement, and Yosuke’s too elated to care.

“You bet I am, partner,” Yosuke whispers to himself, and as he finally crawls under his bed covers, wrapping himself in the cool sheets, he replies, ‘hows summer break? U up for a visitor?’

He sleeps peacefully, even without checking for a confirmation. As far as he’s concerned, he already has one.

It’s on his way to work the next morning, the visible spring in his step dragging scraping sounds against the pavement under his shoes, that Yosuke finally scrolls through and reads the rest of his birthday messages, having had a quite a few more piled up throughout the morning as the early-to-bed crowd took their own note of the date.

What he isn’t prepared for – or had forgotten about, really – is Kouji’s message, looming near the end of the list, and a sense of guilt fills Yosuke’s body from head to toe, slowing him to a stop in the middle of the road, where he pauses to read it.

00:01:56 14/06/22
Kouji

Happy birthday! You’re 20 now, right? Welcome to my world. You in for a drink tomorrow night after work? Might loosen you up for a second try at our last guys’ night out development ;)

Yosuke’s face turns bright red, right out in the open. He’s sent texts ten times, 100 times dirtier, in the context of jokes or hypotheticals, but this one, as innocent as it may be in comparison, is directed right at him, and that much is something he isn’t used to. Especially not so early in the morning.

It’s a shove from behind that knocks him out of it, as one of Yosuke’s least-favorite of his part-timers races by him on his bike and salutes him with a tongue sticking out of his mouth as he passes. It’s not exactly a nice welcome, as he trots his way towards the backdoor to Junes and runs into the same high school kid struggling to lock up his bike and scuffing up his uniform in the process.

“Karma,” Yosuke winks, grinning as he makes his way inside and to his storage locker. He’s about halfway through fumbling the ties on his apron into place behind his back as usual, when there are fingertips touching the back of his neck that aren’t his own. They’re long and slender like Souji’s, rough from use in the same way too, and for a few seconds Yosuke’s imagination convinces him that they really do belong to his best friend.

“It’s a good thing you’re not leaving them knotted overnight anymore,” Kouji laughs, clasping his hands on Yosuke’s shoulders and leaning in, but the contact and reality that it was never Souji’s voice he should have been expecting in the first place hit him hard, and he jumps in surprise, knocking over an empty cardboard box and kicking his way right through it.

“Smooth,” he mutters to himself.

“Didn’t you do that when we met too?” Kouji laughs again, hands on his hips.

“It’s just one box this time!” Yosuke defends, shaking the box off of his foot and planting both feet on the ground in a huff, face red once again when he faces him. “Hey.”

“Happy birthday,” Kouji nods, chipper as ever. “We haven’t known each other long enough for me to figure out what to get you, but I can make it up to you later~?”

A wink accompanies his playful tone, and for the first time Yosuke wonders if the way he’s feeling now is the way people feel whenever he winks at them too.

He hopes not. He winks at a lot of people.

“We need to talk,” he chokes out, but though it’s sudden, it’s as clear as if he’d rehearsed it a hundred times. Maybe Rise was right about that maturity stuff.

But Kouji says nothing, patiently waiting as if he’s unaware of the usual implications behind a statement like that. Between this, and Souji over-reading every word, Yosuke isn’t sure which is worse.

“I don’t think we should do that anymore,” Yosuke frowns, hand rubbing the back of his neck with his head down.

“Why not?” Kouji asks just as casually, with only a faint layer of disappointment, hidden in the cross of his arms. “It sure seemed like you were enjoying it.”

“I-I was!” Yosuke hiccups, clasping a hand over his mouth and pulling it back into a tightened fist. “I mean, it’s like my body was into it but--”

Yosuke’s phone chirps, and he’s never been one to ignore a message, no matter the timing.

08:06:22 14/06/22

Partner
[No Subject]

Summer break sounds great. If you can help it, leave Teddie behind. I need you all to myself for a while. Make sure to tell him I love him though♥

“Your heart was somewhere else?” Kouji chuckles bitterly, and it isn’t until then that Yosuke realizes he’s been smiling at his phone for a good half a minute.

“Y-yeah,” Yosuke drops the hand holding his phone, message still displayed across his screen and lit up, but at the very least he could stop looking at it for a moment. “I guess you could say that. I’m sorry.”

“It’s kind of a shame,” Kouji admits, once again crossing arms over his chest, fingers strumming on his biceps with a curious cock of his head. “You’re really cute. I’m really cute. And I really like you. But that part isn’t mutual?”

“It’s not that I don’t like you, but...” Yosuke searches for the words, fingers gripping the pocket of his apron as if they’re hidden deep inside it. They aren’t though, and all he can do is lift up his phone and wave it around in place of an answer.

“Ah,” Kouji smirks, biting his lip. “Like doesn’t beat love, does it.”

“L-love?! Hold on...”

Yosuke sputters, so close, so ready to revert back to his defensive stance, but Kouij’s face shows him nothing but confusion. And it wouldn’t be right, getting defensive. Kouji isn’t judging him, neither would Souji, or many others he could think of. Certainly, no one whose opinion actually matters to him. He’s the one who’s been putting it on himself all the time, and that never hit him quite as deeply as it does now, as he finds himself standing plainly in front of another guy who he’s kissed. Kissed, and enjoyed kissing.

“Love,” he concedes. “Yeah I guess I-- I have someone important like that.”

“Interesting,” Kouji says, eyeing him. “That’s kind of cute. I’m a little curious now.”

“Curious?” Yosuke’s throat goes dry. “About-- what, exactly?”

“About whoever’s stealing you from me,” Kouji laughs, and there’s an all-too-convenient holler from the other side of the break-room door calling them all to work, a call Yosuke is more than happy to answer, blushing as he worms his way out of Kouji’s emotional clutches.

“Later?” Yosuke waves, and rushes to the grocery department with more eagerness than he ever has before. It doesn’t feel too bad though, how inexplicably warm his phone feels in his hand.

‘Later’ comes sooner than Yosuke is expecting. Like clockwork, like always, at the stroke of noon, he receives a tap on his shoulder and a can of The Natural placed upon it, looking up from his place labeling produce prices to see Kouji’s smile beaming. “Lunch?”

Yosuke sighs, defeated but comforted. “Of course.”

It’s different from before; there’s a heavier air about them, and Yosuke is relieved when Kouji drags Yosuke outside to the umbrella-clad tables instead of the back break room where he’s sure they’d be all alone. He’s happy to peacefully eat his lunch, truthfully, but Kouji has other plans, plans which Yosuke can only imagine when he glances over with a mouthful of rice and notices the way Kouji’s smirking at him, chin resting on his perched hand.

“What?” Yosuke plays innocent.

“A picture.” Kouji holds out his hand. “I want to see a picture of the person who’s had you smiling like that all day.”

“Hu- Like what?” Yosuke’s eyebrows wrinkle instinctively, but he can’t deny how easily he pulls his phone to scroll through his camera roll, taking his time to pick out the right photo. It has to be a good one – not that Souji takes any bad pictures – without anyone else in the way or anything obstructing the view.

“Like that!” Kouji bursts out laughing, a scrape of his chair against the floor as he leans back in it, hand slapping on his knee and coming close to knocking his drink right off the table.

Yosuke tries to wipe the unconscious smile right off his face in defense, but Kouji’s laughter is infectious, and Yosuke isn’t so strong, succumbing to an even bigger grin. Scratching his nose, Yosuke pulls up what he feels is the perfect picture. It’s old by a year or so now, but no less a favorite – it’s of Souji at his parents’ place in the city, donning an apron in the kitchen, smiling as he holds up his university acceptance letter. Yosuke remembers the moment vividly, how Souji had been so excited that even though he isn’t one for frequent selfies, he’d taken the picture right in the midst of cooking and sent it in a group message to everyone without a caption. His announcements often happen that way.

Yosuke had saved that picture fondly, so upon reflection, it isn’t surprising how fondly he smiles as he pulls up the picture and passes his phone into Kouji’s willing hands.

“Hm,” Kouji leans back in his chair, examining the picture with amused intent, with a few curious and surprised glances in Yosuke’s direction. “Cute, smart, and he can cook. I can see why you’re so smitten.”

“That… That’s a new word,” Yosuke turns red just at the thought of it, but it’s fairly limited to his ears, warm to the touch when he attempts to brush his hair over them. “I’d still like him if he was a weird-looking idiot who couldn’t cook. It’s never been about that.”

“Is that so?” Kouji raises an eyebrow, one leg crossing over the other, and Yosuke can tell from where he’s sitting that his friend is further snooping through his phone. Not that he has anything to hide. He thinks. He hopes. “Wow, you look so young here!”

Yosuke is quick to lean over, ready to snatch his phone back from Kouji’s hands, but there’s no need – the other male is holding the phone right out for him, smile unexpectedly genuine as he displays the phone face-out, showing a picture from a few years back, of Souji and Yosuke with their arms around each other, Souji beaming with pride and Yosuke holding a thumbs-up.

“What’s with taking a picture in front of a TV though?” Kouji laughs, and Yosuke remembers on further inspection when exactly they’d taken that photo, after their first successful mission inside the TV world, and Yosuke had been so inspired that he’d demanded photographic evidence as soon as possible. There’s no way to easily explain that though, and so Yosuke shrugs.

“I guess you could call it an inside joke,” He laughs, giving the picture another long glance before he pockets his phone again, tucked away for safe-keeping. “High school, you know? Everyone probably has memories that wouldn’t make sense to anyone but the friends they lived them with.”

Yosuke finds himself quite lost in thought along that train, and it isn’t until he hears someone call out his name that he looks up. It’s not Kouji, but Naoki, striding up towards the two of them with a careful hold on a wooden box, with two bottles sticking out of the top of it. The look on his face is one of confusion, eyebrows knit together as he glances at Yosuke, and between him and his lunch guest.

“I didn’t know you and Kouji-san were friends,” he observes.

“Yeah, I’d say we’re a certain level of ‘close,’” Kouji winks, arms and legs crossing in sync, and Yosuke can’t help himself, turning bright red and refraining from protesting that phrasing in order to keep himself from appearing suspicious.

“Interesting,” Naoki’s tone lifts, one singular thin eyebrow following upwards, as he sets down his box on Kouji’s side of the table. “I had to special order these as requested, but they just arrived today. Since it took longer than expected, my parents said you should keep the box as an apology.”

“Whoa, that sounds expensive,” Yosuke’s eyes go wide, leaning over the table and eyeing the labels on the wine bottle – even knowing he’d never understand what any of it meant. “What’s the occasion?”

“Heh,” Kouji grins awkwardly. “It was for a birthday, but I’m sure I’ll find another opportunity for it.”

“A bir— Oh.” Yosuke’s curiosity dies out as quickly as it came on, an awkward sense of guilt filling its place and causing him to slump back in his chair.

If he were standing any closer him, Yosuke would’ve audibly heard the light-bulb go off above Naoki’s head. He was one of many to wish Yosuke a happy birthday this morning, and though this is new information to him, Yosuke can see he’s obviously familiar enough with Kouji to make personal deliveries to him at his place of employment. It’s written all across his knowing grin, how easily he just put x, y, and z together.

“I see, I’ve interrupted something,” Naoki’s hands cross behind his back, and he takes a few steps towards Yosuke, quieting his voice, “I’m both surprised and thankful to see you were serious about figuring yourself out, Yosuke.”

Not quiet enough though, as Yosuke turns back to see Kouji doing a few mental calculations of his own, and these ones are likely far less amusing than the ones Naoki reached, confirmed by the way Kouji sighs, so deeply and internally driven, standing with hands on his hips.

“You should’ve just told me that’s what this was from the beginning,” he frowns. “I would’ve been happy to help you, but I would’ve been smart enough not to end up liking you.”

“Look, I--” Yosuke stands, wiping sweat from his palms onto his pants. “It wasn’t on purpose, it’s not like I expected you to… You know.”

“Like kissing you so much?” Kouji flourishes a hand in Yosuke’s direction, the other still plastered on his hip, and Yosuke can see how tightly his fingers are digging into the fabric of his pants. “I think you’ll agree that wasn’t one-sided.”

Naoki snorts in shock, but by the time Yosuke’s head whips over to look at him, he’s already making his way out of this awkward situation – something Yosuke wishes he could be doing along with him.

His only real option is to address this though, especially if he doesn’t want all of this to go to waste. He isn’t really interested in throwing away any growth he may have experienced out of this by pretending it never happened. That would defeat the entire point, wouldn’t it? So Yosuke takes a deep breath and stands straight up, keeping his voice low. “You’re right, it wasn’t one-sided. And the truth is, I was enjoying it, and I don’t regret doing it. It just...” Yosuke kicks at the ground. “It made me realize how much I want to be kissing someone else. Souji.” He lets out a long exhale after that, some tension releasing in his shoulders that he didn’t even realize had been there. Oh god, he thinks, how long have I been holding that in?

“That’s the first time you’ve said it out loud,” Kouji mutters, taken aback, sounding almost impressed. “I’m not mad you like someone else, you know, you just--”

“Should have talked to you about it from the beginning?” Yosuke finishes. “You’re right, that’s where I fucked up. I’m really sorry. I needed to fuck up a little, but I didn’t need to drag you into it. For all I know, this could’ve gone smoothly without anyone getting hurt if I’d just been able to tell you what I was feeling and thinking about the whole time.”

Kouji blinks at him, but for once, it isn’t bothering Yosuke one bit to feel someone else’s judging eyes on him. He’s never felt his emotions so tightly in-check as they are right now.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” Yosuke continues. “But I like having you as a friend so it would be cool if you did.”

Kouji stares for another moment, before he bursts into a small fit of laughter, hiding his mouth behind his hand which he then waves in Yosuke’s direction. “Did you just have both sides of this discussion for me?” He wipes the corner of his eye. “You’re funny, Yosuke. This Souji’s a lucky guy.”

Normally Yosuke would say something self-deprecating, and even in the moment he’s tempted, but Kouji’s so encouraging and understanding in a situation Yosuke can’t imagine himself being so kind, he doesn’t have it in him to sour the moment. “I’ll try to make sure he feels that way too,” he smiles instead.

Yosuke’s not used to quiet these days, but the brief silence that follows doesn’t bother him too much, especially since it’s soon cut short by the alarm on his phone going off as usual to let them know lunch is over, and both of them exchange a knowing glance.

“I’d be happy to keep being your friend.” Kouji finally says, and Yosuke nods happily, flashing him a smile before he gathers his lunch and heads back inside.






It feels like such a finality that Yosuke puts the unpleasant conversation out of his mind, and when he arrives home that night and sits at his desk, holding a university exam prep guide in one hand and his phone in the other, the only thing on his mind is whether or not he should be texting Souji. It’s what he wants, sure, but is it appropriate? Will it take away from the excitement of reuniting? Yosuke can’t ever imagine not being excited to see him, but there’s something about this he wants to preserve.

It’s in the midst of him staring down Souji’s name in his contacts that his phone vibrates and almost gives Yosuke a heart attack.


Naoki (17:42): I didn’t expect Kouji to be your type.

Yosuke almost throws his phone, but this time it’s him who presses the call button instead, not up for even the chance of having to type through explaining any of this.

“I don’t have a type,” Yosuke grumbles the second he hears the other end pick up.

“Good evening to you too,” Naoki chuckles. “So are you two dating now?”

“No way!” Yosuke yells, too loud and he knows it, and his blood pressure rises just thinking about Teddie running in from the next room at a time like this. More hushed, he adds, “I wouldn’t do that.”

“Because he’s a guy?” Naoki questions skeptically.

“Because he’s not Souji.”

“Wow,” Naoki chuckles again, more softly this time. “It really was a happy birthday after all?”

“So far, yeah,” Yosuke grins, getting up from his desk and walking around his room, filled with a familiar nervous energy he finds surprisingly welcome. “I’m gonna, uh, go see him soon.”

“Summer break, right?” Naoki lilts. “He told me.”

“God,” Yosuke huffs, but he’s amused more than anything. “Does he tell you everything?”

“Pretty much,” Naoki teases. “Even more than you know, sometimes.”

“Don’t tell me that,” Yosuke groans, collapsing backwards on his bed with his legs and arm stretched out. “I don’t handle curiosity well.”

“I know,” Naoki drawls. “But tell me something. Will all of this be worth it?”

“Worth Souji?” Yosuke’s voice perks up. “Yeah. Can’t imagine anything that wouldn’t be.”

Even dying, he thinks. He did that once already. Not that he wants to do that again.

But he would.

Naoki goes quiet, and Yosuke can only guess he was as taken aback by such an admission as Yosuke would be if he didn’t already know this long ago.

“Don’t tell him I said that,” Yosuke says seriously, before Naoki can respond again. “I plan to do that myself.”

Time moves so slowly when you’re waiting for something, Yosuke realizes when he wakes up the next day. Five weeks until summer vacation almost seems impossible to survive when it’s all Yosuke can think about. The plans swarm his mind like bees, and Yosuke doesn’t hesitate to get ahead of each and every one of them, starting with securing Teddie and a handful of part-timers to take over for him while he’s gone, and filling his schedule until then with enough extra shifts of theirs to make up for it. He’s never worked this hard or this much in his life, not at Junes at least, but he’s also never made as much money this way, and though it’s nothing compared to what they’d find in the TV world, Yosuke recognizes the difference in effort that went into it.

He buys a new suitcase – a small one, but of the highest quality, meant for a real trip, unlike the simple overnights he’s backpacked through before – and he fills it with brand new clothes he bought in Okina City on the one day he allowed himself to take off work.

He becomes so uncharacteristically unsocial that his parents start to worry, but Teddie is the one kind enough to remind them over dinner that “Sensei is more important than any of Yosuke’s other friends” and as much as he’s tempted to, Yosuke can’t even argue with him.

So much of his time is spent at work, Teddie and Kouji become the only friends Yosuke makes time to talk to, his goal turning into an obsession, with intent to make as much money and free up as much time as possible, and even his group messages and interests fall to the wayside, each day becoming nothing but a blur of work and sleep, interrupted only by brief chatter, quick meals, and the handful of text messages he sends each night before passing out.

Such a blur, in fact, that Yosuke wakes up one day, gets fully dressed for work, and walks downstairs only to be met with a confused look on Teddie’s face as he’s also half-dressed in his costume.

“Yosuke!” he beams, trotting over towards him, with a plate of breakfast in his hands. “Your last day of work was yesterday. Congratulations!”

Teddie pushes the plate towards him further, and Yosuke notices that Teddie has scribbled ‘Congrats!’ on his omelette in ketchup. “Isn’t that a bit much, Ted?” Yosuke laughs, but he’s full of relief as he takes the plate and slides into a chair at the kitchen table, unexpectedly thankful not to have to put on his shoes.

“Maybe,” Teddie admits. “But consider it a congratulation for more than just your work.” He winks after that, and Yosuke is half-cocked to question how in the hell he knows about anything, but in the end all he does is sigh, and dig into his breakfast.

“Sorry you can’t come with me, Ted,” he mumbles through a full mouth.

“That’s okay,” Teddie smiles, before putting on his head. “I made sensei promise to let me come next time. I’ll let you have this one.”

Yosuke reaches to bop his head, but Teddie’s out the door faster than he can swipe, and Yosuke takes a chance to enjoy his meal for the first time in a while, even seizing the opportunity to take the laundry from his mother’s hands when she passes him, a move that leads to him spending most of the day helping her out with chores with the TV on in the background. He doesn’t really mind though.

“Do you think you’ll be coming back?” She asks him while they’re folding sheets together, and Yosuke hiccups.

“Why wouldn’t I come back?”

His mother offers him a soft smile. “I know you miss the city, and your friend. I won’t blame you if you feel like staying.”

At first Yosuke blinks, wondering why she thinks he’d ever just leave them like that, but the more he thinks about it, he has to wonder if it isn’t a good idea. “I know I worked a lot of overtime, but I don’t have that much money,” Yosuke scoffs. “I’m glad you wouldn’t be mad though.”

“You’re old enough to make that choice now,” she nods, putting a stack of towels away in the closet, regarding Yosuke fondly as she visibly marks the end of their chores. “Thank you for the help. Unexpected but welcome.”

Yosuke clears his throat and puffs up his chest, ceremoniously and proudly pointing towards it with his thumb, joking, “I’m growing up, mom!”

Instead of laughter though, Yosuke’s joking is met with a serious smile, and his mother presses the palm of her hand against his cheek. “Yes, you are,” she says, and though Yosuke is starting to feel like everyone knows something about him that he doesn’t, it’s nice. He could get used to this feeling.

The rest of his evening is spent making sure he’s packed everything he could possibly need for a trip without a schedule, with no clue of how long he’ll be staying or how much he’ll need. Better to be over-packed than under, anyway.

It isn’t until the sun sets that it hits him, and Yosuke takes great pleasure in watching the light disappear, and crossing off the very last day on the calendar on his wall. It’s symbolic more than anything; Yosuke hasn’t used a calendar in years. But it feels almost necessary, seeing the circle around tomorrow’s date, and Yosuke smiles at it across the room as he climbs into bed and shuts off the light next to it.

With one last look at his phone, Yosuke sends a message he’s been dying to for weeks:


22:47:23 14/08/03

To: Partner

[No subject]

Tomorrow?

22:49:57 14/08/03

Partner

[No subject]

Tomorrow \^o^/


He’s never been so delighted to see that stupid emoji again, as he puts his phone away, ignoring every other notification he gets as he drifts off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Yosuke wakes up on the first day of summer vacation to a vibrating phone, an explosion of notifications, and a full message inbox, both of which he finds himself too exhausted and overwhelmed to check, and he marks everything READ even though he hasn’t scanned his eyes over a single word before his face crashes back into his pillow.

He wakes up a second time, much more violently, to a Twitter timeline full of his best friend’s face.

The article titles are tantalizing; ‘Top Idol Risette Seen Out With Handsome Mystery Man!,’ ‘Is This Hottie Risette’s New Arm Candy?’ ‘Breaking News! Risette Scandal With Unknown Student’

Right from the beginning, Yosuke reads every word of it as absurd. He’d know if Rise was dating anyone before any of the tabloids would, and definitely before everyone in his Risette fan group. More importantly, he’d know if Souji was dating someone before anyone else in the world would know. Hell, Yosuke is sure he’d know of Souji’s plans to date someone long before he actually did it.

Surely, surely, he’d know if Rise and Souji up and decided to date each other. They’d never do such a thing without telling him. Especially after all that happened. He’s 100% sure.

Well, Yosuke thinks, as he scrolls past the hundredth version of the same paparazzi picture of Souji and Rise walking together down a dimly lit street. Maybe 90% sure.

The close-up is the tiniest bit worse, and Yosuke can’t help but narrow in on Rise’s hands wrapped around Souji’s arm, Souji’s hands willingly carrying Rise’s shopping bags and purse.

Okay. So maybe he’s about 80% sure.

But that’s no longer good enough, and Yosuke’s had enough of random fan comments on the internet, enough that checking his fellow idol fan friends’ messages seems like a minefield he isn’t ready to face without proper protection.

That protection, is arming himself with the knowledge of the truth, regardless of whether or not he’s able to share it with them, and so Yosuke forgoes any texting, hitting Souji’s icon in his contact list and calling him up without another second of hesitation.

Each second of wait is torture, and Yosuke can’t sit still, throwing his bed covers off and planting his feet on the ground, pacing back and forth on the floor with the phone pressed tightly against his ear.

“Hello?” Answers the voice on the other end, and already Yosuke’s suspicious, knowing very well that Souji should’ve seen his name attached when answering instead of sounding so clueless, and after this long he should be far more excited, and it’s that suspicion that causes Yosuke to say--

“What the hell!”

...in place of any of the many other potential greetings that would have been any more appropriate, after several months without hearing his best friend’s voice.

“Yosuke? What happened?”

“You’re dating Rise!”

“I am?” Souji yawns on his end of the phone, and Yosuke’s suspicion all but crumbles in on itself, his own tired body collapsing back onto his bed in relief with a frustrated – but relieved – sigh.

“So you’re not.”

“Not that I know of, heh. Good morning to you too.”

“Thank god,” Yosuke sighs, and the laugh he gets from Souji has him filling with a familiar sense of embarrassment, coupled with the relief he refuses to give any clout to.

“So you’re happy about this then?”

“Yeah… No? I don’t know! Look, don’t freak out, but I’m gonna send you something you obviously need to see.”

Souji mumbles an agreement, and Yosuke pulls the phone away from his ear just long enough to pass along the article that has the most hits and pictures. “Brace yourself.”

A long silence follows, and Yosuke double-checks twice to make sure they didn’t accidentally get disconnected. “Souji?” It feels even better to say than it ever has before.

“Sorry--” Souji chuckles. “When do you think they’ll figure out that I’ve already been on stage with Rise before?”

“They already have,” Yosuke groans with impressed amusement. “It’s only a matter of time before they figure out your name and where you go to school. You should be careful.”

“They’d really do all that?”

“You have no idea...” Yosuke groans again, this time with more disgust than anything else. “You should really be careful.” He bites his tongue, literally, but it isn’t enough to keep the questions from bursting out of him. “So if you’re not dating then what was up with those pictures?”

“You know Rise,” Souji brushes it off. “She expresses her fondness in a physical way.”

“Yeah, yeah, right...” Yosuke sighs. It’s too much too early to be this riled up, especially when it all turns out to be for nothing. Almost.

“Are you still coming today? You had your last day of work the other day, so I know you don’t have anything else to do.”

“How the hell do you know that?” Yosuke laughs, phone tucked between his chin and his shoulder as he fumbles through putting on pants.

“Don’t act so shocked, it’s not just you. Almost all universities have their academic calendars on their websites for public viewing, so I added important things from everyone’s to my own personal calendar. Work schedules too. Teddie kept me updated on yours. I had to get a separate one to keep track of Rise’s though.”

In an unexpected break from his stoic tone, Souji laughs, and Yosuke drops his phone, reaching for it on instinct even though he’s mid-step through a leg of his pants, and in addition to his phone hitting the floor, Yosuke trips down with it, trying to pretend he didn’t miss whatever Souji just added onto his laughter and scoffing a teasing tone into the phone. “You’ve clearly been talking to Naoto too much to be going to all that trouble, but I guess it seems kind of sweet when you’re the one doing it.”

“Thanks, partner~” Souji laughs a second time, sounding further away this time, and the clicking of a keyboard in the background tells Yosuke that he’s been put on speaker. Yosuke tries very hard not to acknowledge how good it feels to hear that word again.

“Are you alone?” Yosuke smirks. “Or should I yell something really embarrassing like you did to me last time? My parents still act weird every time I have to go to the hospital...”

He thought he was being funny, and even had a wink prepared despite Souji not being able to see him, but when he gets nothing but silence, not a single clack from Souji’s keyboard or any signal that Souji even heard him, it feels less like a joke and more like self-deprecation, and Yosuke puts his own phone on speaker and fumbles around the clutter that gathered in his preparation over the past few weeks, pulling on what he knows to be clean clothing.

“Don’t leave me hangin’ here, partner.”

“Sorry,” Souji says, albeit absently. “Some of the things people are writing about Rise are...”

“Gross, right?” Yosuke begins to pack a backpack to go along with his suitcase, filled with relief when he picks up his university prep books out of habit and knows he can toss them on the bed without worrying about it for a few weeks. “I guess Rise and I are used to it but you’re smart for avoiding it ‘til now.”

“You say that like you’re getting these comments yourself,” Souji grins so sharply that Yosuke can hear it, but he feels better once he hears the click telling him he’s no longer on speaker.

“Yeah right. Me, an idol? You saw how well that went last time. I just meant I already know the kind of people in that world so I’ve seen it all before.”

“I don’t know,” Souji hums. “I think it would be kind of fun, you as an idol. I’d be your biggest fan.”

“It doesn’t work like that! You’re already Rise’s biggest fan, you can’t--” Click.

“She’s calling. I think we have to deal with this. Call me when you’re getting close?”

“Oh. Yeah, of course. See ya.” Souji’s hung up before Yosuke’s last syllables make it out, but he can’t blame him. Not on a day like today, when Yosuke himself hasn’t calmed down from news that doesn’t even affect him, and Souji’s right at the center of that news, having much more reason to be worried than Yosuke does.

His plans had him set on arriving in the city much later, but with this kind of knowledge hanging over his head and weighing on his back, he isn’t sure he wants to be delaying it with a few more hours of hanging around town and ignoring both the messages and in-person pesters for information he isn’t allowed to give them.

And well, his best friend is involved in a scandal. It’s hard to pass up his opportunity to experience one of those first-hand instead of through online communication as an innocent and thoroughly unattached observer.

Of course it would be Souji, Yosuke thinks as he slings his bag around his shoulders and drags his suitcase aboard a train leaving hours earlier than he’d intended. Of course it would be Souji, to put such a hiccup in Rise’s record. Outside of the break that caused a stir and brought Rise into their lives in the first place, she’s remained a perfect idol, both before and after the incidents, but Yosuke would be lying if he didn’t admit to there being a part of him that always wondered if her obvious and overt affection for Souji would ultimately be her undoing.

He did, however, worry Souji would be more of a willing participant.

Worry is the wrong word, Yosuke considers, as he slumps into his train seat and fiddles with his phone, resisting every urge to check his group chats and his Twitter timeline, and especially the gossip blogs he knows are bound to be dissecting the pictures with even more scrutiny than he had been, and even worse, inevitably digging into Souji’s life in whichever ways they can.

No, worry is definitely the right word. This would absolutely be worse if Souji was really involved.

Worry, is all Yosuke does for the next couple of hours on the train. All he wanted to do was sleep, to catch a few hours of peace after his rude awakening before entering another round of it, but his mind doesn’t leave him that option, filling him with a seemingly endless list of worst-case-scenarios and countless concerns about what kinds of things Rise’s fans are saying about Souji online, and the undoubtedly uglier things Rise’s anti-fans are saying about her right along side them.

He doesn’t forget about Rise, there’s no way he could now, but with Souji it’s different. It’s not as if Rise deserves it, Yosuke knows she doesn’t, but she’s used to it. She’s in the spotlight, with years of training for moments like these. But Souji’s just a normal guy and it isn’t fair, and the mere idea that those same hateful people could be spewing slander on his best friend has Yosuke livid.

He caves.

His group chats and Twitter he avoids; his identity is attached to his accounts and he can’t get away with any deflecting or fake disinterest around people who’ve spoken to him before, especially when his fan status is plastered all over his social media.

But the gossip blogs and rumor-mongering sites are fair game. He can be anonymous there, as can everyone else, and it seems like a safe idea at first, but Yosuke’s heart is quickly in his stomach. So much of it is harmless, but just like he’d expected, after a couple of hours have passed since the story broke, people have moved on past their shock and onto scrambling for more info on Souji.

Most comments are guesses, or claims that Souji looks like some other celebrity. Some of it is specific but drastically wrong information. It’s annoying, watching them try to put pieces together when it’s none of their business in the first place, but Yosuke could leave that alone. What he can’t leave alone, is the sinking feeling, and the trembling in his fingers that comes along with him reading a terrifying comment that confidently – and accurately – names Souji’s university and initials.

It always starts with hints like that, a way to tantalize the other fans and urge even more people to go digging, but Yosuke isn’t interested in engaging. In fact, he’s as far as he could be in the other direction – the urge to do something about it is overwhelming him so quickly and strongly that his fingers are typing before he knows what’s come over him.

Under the guise of anonymity, he makes up an entire brief story: He claims to be a high school girl in Osaka, whose older brother knows ‘Souji’ personally. But of course Yosuke doesn’t let that name slip, and gives him a fake one, but makes sure to add that of course he’s from Kansai, can’t you all see how stylishly he’s dressed?

As soon as Yosuke posts and sees that his fake story has convinced at least a few people, he can’t help himself; he checks over to a few more sites and leaves a similar story on all of them, enough that they seem like a consistent claim, but Souji’s fake name changes with each one, to keep from pointing towards any real people.

He’s left a mark, and it’s enough to confuse people into not locking into the real info that someone had left on the first message board, and that’s enough to leave him satisfied for now. But he spent so much time obsessing over it, that he’s moments from pulling into the station nearest Souji’s place, hours earlier than he’s supposed to be, without ever giving Souji the warning he’d promised him.

“Damn it,” he curses when the train comes to a stop, texting Souji to let him know where he is.

The reply that comes is, for lack of a better word, a surprise.

Partner (14:58): Would you mind taking a train to a more secluded location? I don’t think I want to be anywhere near the scramble right now.

Huh? Yosuke blanches, but sends back an agreement nonetheless, hauling his bag over his shoulder and exiting the train last, smiling and letting every rider off before him in an attempt to pass time he’d otherwise be silently anxious during. Souji’s quick to text back again, but there’s nothing more than a station address and the route to take from where Yosuke is now. Figures Souji would at least be so meticulous even when he’s being mysterious. And, a few seconds later:

Partner (15:03): I’ll pick you up there. Don’t talk to anyone.

That’s weird, Yosuke notes, and quite difficult, he anticipates, and--

Partner (15:03): If you can help it, that is ^^;;

Shut up, Yosuke laughs with a closed-eye shake of his head, phone clutched tightly in his hand when he makes his way through the station. It’s not as if he isn’t used to it, after growing up in the city himself, but every visit is always initially jarring after long periods spent in Inaba, and each bump against his shoulder causes Yosuke to grip all of his belongings tighter, especially after the morning he’s had.

On the way to his next train, Yosuke passes a newsstand, and though there are several papers and magazines on display, most of them far from interesting, he can’t help but be drawn in by the most shameless of tabloid headlines. ‘Former Top Idol Risette Quits Showbiz to Marry Foreign Model’ it reads, and so many incorrect words in the title have Yosuke stopping in his tracks to pick it up and read over what bullshit this supposed news source is spewing.

Just as they always do, the article says nothing of substance, even less truth, and Yosuke is pretty sure the photo of ‘Souji’ they claim to have plastered over the corner of the page is someone who isn’t even Japanese. So much for reporting.

“Don’t look so worried. Most of that isn’t true.”

Yosuke has his face buried, probably looking more fixated on the contents than he actually is, when a teenage boy approaches him, arms crossed over his chest with an unamused quirk to his lip. “Huh?” Yosuke’s caught off-guard.

“You’re reading that Risette crap right? Don’t believe a word of it. I heard the guy’s some fake city boy hick from Kansai.”

Yosuke’s initial reaction is to burst out laughing, hearing such a string of words used to describe Souji, but the disgusted wrinkle of the kid’s eyebrows has him pull it back almost instantly, and he can’t help how quickly a hand plants across his forehead in concerned disbelief when it occurs to him – “Wait, where did you hear that?”

The boy shrugs. “It’s all over the place. Everyone who doesn’t buy into this fake tabloid crap knows now. You just have to know where to go to find that stuff out.”

“Right...” Yosuke brushes it off, all at once realizing both the time and Souji’s request not to talk to anyone – both of which he managed to forget about within a span of two minutes, and Yosuke shoves the newspaper at the boy and apologizes as he runs off to where he needs to catch his train.

He makes it just in time, but that tiny victory doesn’t make him feel any better about what’s going on, and the second he opens his Twitter timeline and sees that indeed, Souji – still, thankfully, unnamed – is being referred to as a Kansai-born style icon. That much, Yosuke can blame himself for, but his lies have been added onto, and out of nowhere there are rumors that he’s an up-and-coming model, that he’s a Japanese-American visiting just for Rise, that he’s a trust fund rich kid with all the time in the world to sneak around with an idol. The list goes on, but Yosuke knows he stirred this pot, and his frustration mounts in a fit as he clasps both hands over his phone and lightly pounds it against his forehead.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” He mutters, earning him a strange look from the little girl sitting across from him, and as silly as it is to fear judgment from a child, Yosuke pushes through his embarrassment and stuff his phone in his pocket, eyes out the window and regularly flashing over the ticker, keeping an eye out for the stop Souji directed him towards.

When the train does finally pull into his stop, Yosuke is so jittery that he can keep neither his feet nor his hands still, typing out a notification to Souji that he’s arrived at the same time his feet are carrying him swiftly off the train and into the station. It’s undeniably still ‘city’ surrounding him, but Yosuke finds himself deep in the center of a cluster of neighborhoods, and he feels it every bit intentional that Souji wanted to meet somewhere there’d be no reason to expect anything exciting would be happening.

Partner (15:42): I’m here.

Yosuke feels better once he steps outside and sees Souji’s face, but it’s a short-lasting feeling, once Souji waves with one hand and throws what appears to be a helmet Yosuke’s way, and Yosuke drops his bag right off the curve of his shoulder in his scramble to catch it in his arms. “What…what’s this?”

In the midst of taking it upon himself to take Yosuke’s suitcase from him and strap it onto the back of what Yosuke now sees is a motorcycle, Souji waves towards the seat. “Hop on.”

“You’re kidding me, right? Seriously?!”

“What?” Souji asks flatly, but he’s smirking – of course he is – and Yosuke’s tendency to look towards Souji to calm him down is being put to the test, because Yosuke feels the exact opposite of calm watching Souji’s long legs straddle a motorcycle he didn’t even know he had, and Yosuke is too flustered by the onslaught of things to consider for him to stop to wonder if it’s the image itself or the surprise of it all that has him reeling.

“When did you get this...” Yosuke asks, but there’s a lilt to his voice, evidence of his inability to finish his sentence, and he’s in turmoil over the combination of adjectives and nouns that could have finished the thought. It’s just easier to give up on it, and Yosuke throws his backpack over his back, clanks the helmet onto his head, and hooks the strap closed with a huff.

“I’ll answer any questions you have later,” Souji says as he puts on his own helmet. “For now, just get on and make sure to stay up close and personal.”

“Oh, ha-ha,” Yosuke retorts sarcastically, tapping Souji’s shoulder roughly as he climbs behind him on the bike. Adjusting his footing past the scooter he’s accustomed to takes some getting used to, and in his concentration to see his feet through his helmet, Yosuke’s hands settle on Souji’s hips for balance, something Yosuke doesn’t fully realize until Souji revs the bike up and Yosuke grips harder out of reflex.

“That was easier than I thought!” Souji says brightly, and as much as Yosuke hates the feeling of his helmet flattening his hair, he’s pretty thankful to have something covering his burning face.

“Just drive,” Yosuke scoffs, and Souji nods in agreement, starting up the bike and pulling off with enough force and noise that Yosuke can use the deafening roar as an excuse to close his eyes, and tell himself that the way his arms find their way around Souji’s torso is nothing more than a safety measure.

--

Souji lives in one of those high-rises that Yosuke always figured only celebrities could live in. The parking is private and hidden, and there’s a doorman at the front and an electronic code just to get into the building. Even when they could afford it, Yosuke’s parents were never fans of such extravagance, believing instead that a humble, warmer home was more suitable for their family. This kind of secretive, high-class residence suits Souji better, but Yosuke has to admit that it’s extreme.

Souji has a reserved parking spot, monitored and secluded enough that he feels confident in leaving both their helmets there, and Yosuke doesn’t protest when Souji takes it upon himself to fill his empty hands and carry Yosuke’s luggage for him, past each step of security and into the elevator.

“So this is your place,” Yosuke notes awkwardly, when he steps inside Souji’s apartment. It’s not huge, but Yosuke never expected it to be, especially knowing how often Souji finds himself alone. Empty space adds to that feeling, and Souji’s always adamantly avoided it.

In fact, Yosuke mentally notes with some confusion, this place is a lot warmer than he had ever could have envisioned. There’s signs of life here, framed pictures on the table and paintings on the wall. The living area looks used, with DVD cases out of place on the TV stand, a wrinkled blanket splayed across the couch, laptop open on the table in front of it. It smells of home cooking, even though he’s fairly certain none is actually happening.

“Are you hungry?” Souji asks, opening the fridge without an answer, and Yosuke can see over his shoulder that it’s stuffed full, like Souji regularly cooks for more than just him, or is at least planning to. For some reason it unsettles Yosuke to think he has been.

“No, I uh, had something on the way here,” Yosuke lies, finding that the unrest in his stomach isn’t going to go away until he gets it un-twisted, and food isn’t going to be welcome until he does.

“That’s okay,” Souji smiles, wider than he should be, as far as Yosuke is concerned. “I’m sure we’ll get a chance to eat when we’re out with Rise later.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Yosuke asks. “You know, with everything going on?”

“Hm? Oh!” Souji rushes to Yosuke’s side, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him along down the hallway, past two closed doors and to the open one at the end of the hall. “This is your room.”

Yosuke takes his luggage from Souji’s outstretched hand, making himself at home in the spare room and setting both bags on the bed, freshly made and still smelling of laundry detergent, the walls white and empty, and the desk devoid of any work. The only identifying point in the entire room is a framed photo on the dresser, of Souji with Naoto and Rise each at his side, the latter holding a peace sign in bunny ears behind Souji’s head. If Yosuke can guess correctly, it was taken right on Souji’s couch out in the living room.

“Cute,” Yosuke mutters out loud.

“What is?” Souji perks up, leaning up from his place leaning against the door frame and resting a hand on Yosuke’s shoulder, eyebrows lifted curiously. “Ah, that picture. That was the first day I moved in here, it was a lot of fun.”

“Looks like it,” Yosuke sighs, and though he doesn’t intend for it to come off as bitter as it does, the way his arms so naturally cross over his chest defensively doesn’t help. “Wish I could’ve been there.”

With a sharp inhale Souji takes the tiniest of steps back, leaning against the wall next to them and dropping his head, lips tight in a straight line and hands setting against his pockets, resisting the urge to hide inside them. “Why weren’t you?”

“You sure you want to get into that now?” Yosuke lets out a long, chuckling breath, hands instinctively reaching into his pockets and shoulders offering a tight half-shrug. “There’s a lot I have to tell you.”

“Me too,” Souji smiles, and for a moment, they both share a small laugh, the first in a while between them, and Souji finds himself nodding, confident as he stands up straight and pats Yosuke on the arm. “Later then? You can have me all night.”

“T-that’s,” Yosuke chokes, flustered. “That sounds like--”

“I know how it sounds,” Souji shakes his head, once again brushing fingers against Yosuke’s wrist on his way past him and out of the room. “Now come on, I promised Rise we’d be there to support her.”

“Where, exactly?” Yosuke questions, rightfully suspicious, but all he gets from Souji is a cheeky wink and a secretive finger to his lips, and Yosuke has no choice but to follow him. After all, any energy he would be using to press for details, he knowingly saves in preparation for keeping himself together when they inevitably mount Souji’s motorcycle again.

It turns out, he needed every bit of it too, as everything feels inexplicably more intimate without any luggage weighing his back down, and Yosuke presses up against Souji’s back with a heightened level of awareness, arms and hands avoiding Souji’s hips this time but tightly wrapping around his waist, all of which Souji is surprisingly calm about.

“Comfy back there, partner?” Souji smirks again, knowingly rhetorical, and all Yosuke can think is god, I missed him.

–

When they finally arrive, Yosuke checks the signs to find them at a TV studio. That’s enough surprise in and of itself, but he can do nothing but tag along in confusion when Souji pulls up to the back door, flashing a badge to someone guarding it and even catching a smile from them as they both duck inside.

“We have to be quiet back here,” Souji says, hushed, and Yosuke has so many more questions than the obvious why of it all, so he simply lets all of this happen, following Souji to a closed door that he opens with surprising urgency. Behind it is Inoue, in an office far too tiny for someone so successful, he thinks, but Yosuke is just happy to see a familiar face.

“Seta-kun, Hanamura-kun,” Inoue nods, and all Yosuke can do is return a slight bow. “Rise’s on right now. I’m sure she’d like for you to come and watch.”

On the monitors, Yosuke assumes, or maybe from the audience, but Inoue obviously has other plans, plans that Souji never questions, as Inoue leads them both into the wings of a studio, and despite the time he’s spent on stage, Yosuke experiences a new level of starstruck when he finds himself within shouting distance of a live broadcast of a national talk show he’s seen hundreds of times. And there sits Rise, on the couch across from the host, her most professional smile and posture, and Yosuke feels proud.

“We’re lucky to have you here on such short notice, Rise-san,” The host says brightly, leaning in towards the space between them and eyeing Rise curiously. “Is your management that worried about Risette having her first true scandal?”

“Well, that’s the funny thing,” Rise laughs just as brightly, matching the hosts energy seamlessly. “There’s nothing true about it. There is no scandal, because it’s all false rumor. That’s why I personally wanted to hurry to the most public place I could to set the record straight.”

“So,” The host leans back, unconvinced. “You’re saying that wasn’t you in the photos?”

The photos in question appear right on the monitor behind Rise, and it warps Yosuke’s reality to be seeing them in this context when the people in them are standing right in front of him.

“No, that is me,” Rise shakes her head, unperturbed. “But the stories people are making up are crazy! That’s not my boyfriend, or a model, or a foreigner. I was just shopping with my friend.”

“Is that so?” The host questions, skeptical. “You two seem pretty close for supposedly being just friends.”

Rise frowns at that, and Yosuke knows her well enough to know she didn’t plan for it. “You’re right,” she sits up straighter. “When you think of it as ‘just friends’ of course you’d feel that way. But my friends aren’t ‘just’ my friends. They’re important to me. And I’d give them all that same amount of affection. This is just the one the paparazzi happened to photograph.”

The host leans back again, crossing his arms, and Yosuke finally glances to the side and notices both Souji and Inoue with worried expressions on their faces, the latter texting away on his phone.

“They’re not buying it,” Souji whispers with concern, and Yosuke stares with anticipation as Inoue snaps his fingers at his phone, pulls out a pen and a notepad, scribbles something on to a sheet of paper, and hands the sheet to a PD with a whisper Yosuke can’t quite make out.

The curiosity turns to worry once again, once the PD runs on set to pass it to the host, who grows a cunning grin Yosuke doesn’t like one bit.

“I’ve just received word,” The host beams. “That you and this mystery man are entangled for a movie you’ve been filming in secrecy! Can you comment on that?”

As professional as Rise is, Yosuke watches her composure crack along with the rest of them, and though Yosuke can’t break his eyes away from Rise to check on Souji as he’d like to, he catches Inoue in his peripherals giving Rise a thumbs up when she looks directly towards him for reassurance. So much for that.

“Um...yes!” Rise peaks, clearly making it up on the spot. “The movie is a thrilling romance, of course. It’s not abnormal for co-stars to act lovey-dovey during filming to enhance the chemistry on screen… Of course, he is my friend though. Nothing about that is fake.”

“I see!” The host’s eyes go wide, but as he starts to gear up his next question, Rise’s already putting both of her arms up, one crossed over the other in the shape of an X which she holds over her face.

“Anything else is a spoiler for now! According to my contract, I am not permitted to say any more about the movie at this time.” She even winks, and Yosuke has to stifle a laugh.

“How unfortunate,” the host sighs, remaining professional in his own right, and quickly thanks Rise for visiting and introduces the next guest, before dismissing the show to commercial.

Her bow and greeting to the host are as respectful as ever, but Yosuke watches as the smile then drops from her face and Rise storms towards all three of them, anger written across her face as she stares down Inoue. “Why did you have me lie like that?”

Inoue only slightly cowers away from others, otherwise grinning as he holds both of his hands behind his back. “Actually, as of just prior to your announcement, it’s not a lie. We were already planning another movie role for Rise. I’ve just arranged it so the previous actor chosen to act alongside her will be replaced with Seta-kun.”

“What?!” Yosuke hollers, the first word out of his mouth in a while now, and the looks he gets from the staff around them have all four of them rushing back out into the halls and to Inoue’s office, where he closes the door behind them. Rise and Souji slide into the chairs in front of his desk, and Yosuke leans against the wall, foot propped up against the bottom of Souji’s chair leg.

“This is the best course of action for damage control,” Inoue explains with a sigh. “This way even if you’re seen together again, there’s already an explanation for it.”

“Even if it’s not true, would it really be so bad if people just thought she had a boyfriend?” Souji asks genuinely, and the other three exchange glances, with Rise and Inoue both nodding seriously at him. “I’ll do the movie then.”

“What!” Yosuke hollers again, breaking the quiet in a more suitable place this time at least. “Are you serious? That easily? Isn’t a movie kind of a huge deal?”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Souji laughs softly, looking up at Yosuke with an earnest smile. “But if it’ll help get Rise out of a tough spot, it’s the least I can do. It sounds fun.”

Fun, Yosuke chuckles to himself. “You’re still full of surprises, man.”

And Souji smiles up at him again, only this time it’s not reflexive, it’s deliberate, as if a direct response to Yosuke’s words, and he looks so directly into Yosuke’s eyes that he has to look away after a moment, when the flip in his stomach overpowers all else.

He doesn’t hear a single word exchanged between Inoue and the others as they start discussing details; all Yosuke can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and the oh shit oh shit oh shit echoing in his head.

Luckily though, his eyes haven’t checked out in the same way, so he catches all cues when they stand up, ready to leave, and Yosuke follows Souji and Rise out with his hands in his pockets. He’s gotten used to this, Souji somehow landing them all in situations they’d never be in without him, to the point where every adventure seems to top the last, and Yosuke seriously wonders how Souji could ever think of himself as plain.

“Do you want to join us?” Souji asks, pulling Yosuke from his stupor, but it’s directed towards Rise and not himself. Still though, Yosuke isn’t thrilled about the question being posed at all, since Souji had promised him at least this night to themselves. Although under these specific circumstances--

“No thanks!” Rise bounces cheerfully, glancing at Yosuke instead, and he smiles far wider than he should, earning him a wink from her. “I think you two have a lot to talk about.”

Yosuke shares a knowing look with Rise, but pushes both his shifty eyes and smile back to normal by the time Souji looks back at him, not that he would have been able to hold them long anyway.

“Call me tomorrow then,” Souji nods, with little protest to Rise’s refusal. Deep down, Yosuke suspects Souji was expecting she’d reject the offer when he made it in the first place. Either way, Yosuke’s thankful for the result, and he’s the one who reaches for Souji’s wrist, waving goodbye to Rise and pulling him out the door to where his bike is still waiting.

“Sorry for the hurry,” Yosuke clears his throat sheepishly, releasing Souji from his grip. “I guess I’m just. Eager.”

“Eager?” Souji raises both eyebrows, one hand on his bike like he’s ready to move if he has to.

“Come on, you’re gonna make me point out the elephant in the room?” Yosuke sighs, but he doesn’t really mind. He’d rather just get it out of the way. “It’s been months since we...you know. Really talked. And I-- You know. Missed you.” He pauses. “A lot.”

Souji says nothing, and for a few seconds Yosuke wonders if he’s said too much, but he looks up from the ground just in time for Souji to barrel into him, wrapping both arms tightly around him and resting his chin on Yosuke’s shoulder without holding back.

Yosuke almost stops breathing, but he’s more than thankful he doesn’t, letting out a halted sigh and properly filling out the hug, wrapping his arms around Souji with his hands open and palms against his back. “I guess this means you missed me too?” Yosuke laughs.

“You have no idea.”

“I might.”

“Fair enough,” Souji sighs, squeezing Yosuke tighter once before finally letting go and swiftly putting on his helmet and mounting his bike again. “Alright, hurry up before I leave you behind.”

They both know very well that would never happen, but Yosuke still has a spring in his step, hurrying to slide in the seat behind him, and if his hands rest a bit lower on Souji’s waist than the last time, neither of them say a word about it.

–

Something about the mood changes the moment they’re truly alone though, when Souji shuts the door of his place behind them, and the otherwise empty apartment feels even more so, the silence hanging heavy over their heads. The only thing that keeps the tension away, for Yosuke, is how happy Souji looks the second Yosuke looks at him, like it’s the first time in ten years instead of a few months. Yeah. He could get used to that too.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Souji offers without Yosuke having to ask. “It’s all I’ve thought about for weeks, seeing you.”

“Me too,” Yosuke smiles, feeling inappropriately bashful, considering, and it doesn’t go away when Souji plops down on the couch and pats the space next to him, an invitation Yosuke accepts all too readily, leaving a reasonable space between them – but no more than necessary. “So,” he chuckles, reaching for a place to start. “You and Rise, huh? You’ll probably have to kiss in your movie.”

He mentally kicks himself for that, but he’s pretty sure Souji wouldn’t leap to the conclusion that Yosuke was already thinking about Souji and kissing in another context he’s trying not to dive into too soon – even if that would be the correct conclusion indeed.

“Yeah, probably,” Souji shrugs. “But there won’t be any feelings involved it in anymore, so we’ll be fine.”

“Anymore?” Yosuke stills.

“Oh, yeah, I wasn’t able to talk to you about it, but it was...back then. She told me how she felt almost right after we got back to the city.”

Yosuke winces at that, unalarmed by Rise’s eagerness but still somewhat surprised to find she’d taken his suggestion so seriously. “So, you...rejected her?”

Souji lets his head fall to the side, rubbing his neck with an apologetic look. “No. We tried to make it work, actually. It just didn’t.”

Yosuke’s hit with a strange mix of emotions, hearing that. After everything he’d talked about with Rise, he really thought they’d end up on the same page. They never had to ‘battle it out’ like she’d implied, nor did they end up sharing in any capacity like Yosuke’s expected they might have to.

He never loved the idea. But for Rise he could have made it work. And to think of her as being out of the running, has Yosuke feeling…

Selfishly happy. And that selfishness has him instantly guilty, especially after he’d gone and gotten himself involved with someone else without telling either of them. He wouldn’t have any business criticizing what Souji and Rise decided to do with themselves in the meantime. Not when Yosuke never made any feelings clear to Souji in the first place. He has no reason to expect anything.

“Yosuke?”

Souji’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts again, and Yosuke shakes his head. “Why didn’t it work out? I know it’s not my business to ask though...”

“Hm,” Souji leans back, body angled forward instead of toward Yosuke. “I can be honest, right?”

Yosuke scoffs. “I’d appreciate it.”

Souji nods, and takes a full breath, facing forward still. “I do love her,” he admits. “I love a lot of people, all of my friends. I was happy dating her, just like I would’ve been happy dating a lot of them--”

Yosuke stifles a laugh. “You’re so well-meaning, partner, but it makes sense why she wouldn’t feel as special as she wanted to like that.”

“It’s not like I didn’t treat her like she was special--”

“I know dude,” Yosuke interrupts again. “You treat everyone like they’re special. But when people are in love--” His voice cracks on the word, but he continues without missing a beat. “You know, they wanna feel like they’re the most special. Not just one of ‘em.”

“Yeah,” Souji concedes, rubbing both hands on his legs as if his palms are sweaty; Yosuke’s sure are, but he’d never have guessed Souji would be experiencing as much anticipation as he is. “That’s pretty much what Rise said, just not in those words. I felt guilty for not being able to promise that kind of thing...”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty,” Yosuke says with crossed arms. “Gotta admit I don’t know exactly how your mind works with all of that, but if you had someone you thought of as that special, wouldn’t you want to get the same thing back?”

Souji goes quiet for a few seconds too long, and Yosuke looks up, where he meets Souji’s eyes, and Souji looks right into them when he replies. “Yeah, I would.”

Oh god, oh god.

Yosuke’s heart pounds in his chest. He’s not imagining it, he can’t be. There’s something happening between them and it makes Yosuke’s stomach stir, but he’s been 100% certain of very few things in his lifetime, and this hasn’t quite made that list. It’s so risky, to assume anything about what Souji wants and what he means, and Yosuke wants to kick himself for how cowardly he feels, unable to ask what he really wants to. He could do it right now, just ask Souji how he feels about him, or even skip that altogether and spit out a confession before he has a chance to overthink the words for it.

Souji shifts on the couch, likely an innocuous gesture with no meaning to it, but Yosuke’s brain panics from the sudden movement, and before he knows it he yells:

“I kissed someone!”

Souji settles his hands, which Yosuke now realizes were doing nothing more than adjusting the blanket beneath him, and blinks. “Um--”

“It was a few months ago, when we weren’t talking. Or else I-- Of course I would have told you. I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” Souji’s voice sounds further away all of a sudden, but Yosuke doesn’t question it.

“To be honest, I don’t even know. It just feels weird keeping it from you.”

“I get it.” Souji smiles, and Yosuke believes him. “So...was it Teddie?”

“God, no!” Yosuke laughs, relieved for the break in the tension clearly visible in Souji’s smug grin. “It was this guy at work. A friend. I don’t think Teddie even knows about him.”

“Him,” Souji repeats, looking away with a smile that’s all too happy. It’s unfortunate, how Yosuke misses it, because he’s busy doing the exact same.

“Yeah, him.”

“Okay,” Souji leans back, appearing oddly energized, which Yosuke tries to tell himself is only due to the gossip-like nature of their conversation. “Okay, okay. Okay. So that’s out there.”

“Geez, partner, you’re more surprised than I was.”

Souji shakes his head, unable to stop smiling. “I’m not surprised. Just happy.”

“You look it.” Yosuke looks at him a long while, taking the opportunity while their eyes aren’t meeting, and it’s written all over him, in his posture, in his energy, in the way his eyes remain lit up and his smile never fully drops. “I thought I knew what you looked like when you were happy, but this is a whole other level.”

Souji takes a large but curt sigh before turning towards him. “You were right,” he starts, placing both his hands on top of Yosuke’s. “I was holding back from you. I was so proud, getting all of you to open up no matter what while still holding so much in. I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“Well...good.” Yosuke glances at their hands. His heart rate quickens, but he doesn’t mind. “I don’t know why I was afraid to tell you that.”

“I’m sure you had your reasons.” Souji pulls his hands back, curling his fingers against his palms. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks,” Yosuke says brightly, and he means it. He can neither deny nor ignore how much he’s been sweating throughout the day though, and no amount of wiping his hands on his pants can take care of it. “So...shower?”

“Of course,” Souji nods, moving to his feet and to the nearest door, opening it in a flourish. “Clean towels and freshly stocked...everything, I think. Make yourself at home.”

It’s a bold suggestion, but it is easier knowing it’s only the two of them here, and Yosuke allows himself the comfort of a worry-free shower, washing off the stress of the day and feeling months worth of tension release from his shoulders when his mind wanders, and images of Souji’s smile replace everything else.

It’s a moment of peace after a long while without it, and Yosuke doesn’t realize how long he takes, until he exits the bathroom to find most of the lights off, and Souji nowhere in sight. For a moment Yosuke thinks he might’ve disappeared into his bedroom, but he knows he’d never do that without warning, and a smile drifts onto Yosuke’s face when he peeks around the couch to find Souji fast asleep on it, still holding the TV remote.

“Sorry partner,” Yosuke mutters to himself, and me doesn’t hesitate to reach for the nearest blanket, pulling it over Souji so he’s covered; as much as he can be with legs that long, anyway. When he reaches his shoulders, Yosuke hovers, eyes lingering on his best friend’s sleeping face and feeling a tender warmth in his face and his chest.

Overwhelmed, he backs away slowly, tiptoeing to the spare bedroom where his things are waiting for him and climbing onto the bed and all the way under the covers, pulling them over his head.

“Crap,” he says out loud. He sure is in love alright.