Chapter Text
It took nearly a full month for Shadow to try sleeping in his own bed again. Since returning from Longclaw’s hut, he’d spent every single night with his parents- and Sonic, until this past week. Sonic had gone back to the attic, sleeping in his own bed before Shadow could find the courage to do the same. Those first couple of nights apart had been difficult for both of them, leaving them clingy and tired in the mornings, but it gradually got easier. Separation wasn’t keeping them awake like it did during the first week, and though the nightmares hadn’t faded, it was nothing they couldn’t handle.
Sonic seemed to be doing well; he was actually sleeping through the night, and he wasn’t eating like every meal was his last. He still stayed glued to Shadow’s side during the day, but at night, he was happy to join their brothers in the attic.
Shadow felt like he was… falling behind. Even after Sonic went back to his own bedroom, Shadow still slept in their parents’ bed, burrowed in one of Maddie’s shirts as he fell asleep in her arms. He just felt safer between his parents.
But GUN wasn’t hunting him anymore, nobody was. He was safe, and healed, and no longer in hiding. He should be okay with sleeping alone.
Sometimes, he worried that he disrupted Tom and Maddie’s sleep. He knew that he’d woken them with his nightmares multiple times, and he’d seen the tired looks in their eyes those first few days after he’d come home. They were healing as much as he was.
They’d reassured him in the past that it didn’t bother them when he slept in their bed, but he couldn’t rely on them like that forever. He needed to get used to sleeping on his own again.
Before bed, he’d hugged his parents, almost wanting to cry when he’d reluctantly left Maddie’s embrace. She’d reassured him once again that there was nothing wrong with coming to their room if he needed them, but he’d been adamant about sleeping in his own bed, even if it scared him.
He hadn’t slept in his own room since the night he was taken. Climbing back into his bed now, even knowing that GUN wasn’t after him anymore, he couldn’t help the way his paws shook, clinging to his blankets and his stuffed bear for comfort.
The room wasn’t completely dark, as the nightlight plugged into the wall hadn’t been removed in all the time he’d been gone. That made it… a little easier to be in here. The near-total darkness in Tom and Maddie’s room hadn’t bothered him too much, since he hadn’t been alone.
He’d hated how dark Longclaw’s hut became at night. Even during the day, the trees left it heavily shaded, and at night, their leaves blocked out what little light the moon would have provided, leaving him and Sonic lying in an almost pitch black hut.
Thinking about it made his chest ache, remembering all those nights spent startling awake, crying out for family members that weren’t there in a place that was still so unfamiliar to him. He hadn’t had a single memory of their home world before his arrival on earth. It made him wonder if he’d ever been there to begin with. He had to have come from somewhere; were there any other planets populated by people like him and his brothers?
The forest had seemed so… empty. There were no other people, and hardly any wild animals. It had only made the darkness feel that much more oppressive.
At least he’d had Sonic by his side, then. But now, lying alone in his dark bedroom, he felt that same suffocating isolation he’d felt in the forest. He could just return to his parents’ bedroom, or finally go back to the attic. He didn’t need to sleep alone.
But it had to stop eventually, and it would only get harder the longer he waited.
He pulled Daisy to his chest, curling around her and smelling his own lavender soap staining her fur. When he’d first returned home, his teddy bear had carried an overpowering minty scent from how often Tails had cuddled with her in Shadow’s absence. Tails had been embarrassed about it, but Shadow hadn’t been upset with him. It was nice knowing that Daisy was being taken care of while he was gone.
It took him well over an hour to fall asleep, struggling to relax as he spent the whole night alone for the first time in months.
***
Shadow shivered, curling up smaller in his cage to keep his bristled quills from touching the bars. His whole body hurt from the force of the shocks, and his stomach was twisting with hunger. There was a strong ache lower in his body, but the agents wouldn’t let him out of the cage for anything. Not even to use the bathroom.
Bright lights burned his eyes and electricity seared his skin. Everything hurt and he didn’t want to be here. He wanted to go home. The cage was too small, he was cold and hungry and his stomach hurt and his bladder ached and he was scared and he missed his mama why did they take him away he didn’t do anything he wanted to go home he wanted to go home he wanted to go h-
Shadow awoke with a sob, instinctively reaching out for Maddie before he even opened his eyes. It took him too long to remember that he was in his own bedroom.
A quiet whine slipped out before he could stop it, eyes searching around the empty room. It was still dark out, but he could see soft light beginning to filter in through his window blinds. He’d slept longer than he thought he would in here.
He sighed softly, shifting to curl up around Daisy again, but he paused when he felt something strange. His bed felt… wet.
With a frown, he set his teddy bear on the other side of the bed and sat up, lifting his blanket away to check why it felt weird.
A dark, wet patch had soaked into the sheets beneath him, surrounding the space around his legs. His fur was damp, and his nose wrinkled when he was hit with a pungent, familiar scent.
His heart sank into his stomach, mortification drawing warmth to his muzzle.
No. No, he couldn’t have-
Tears sprung to the corners of his eyes, choking on his own embarrassment. This had never happened before. This- this was something toddlers did. Shadow should have more self-control than this, he shouldn’t-
How could he have…
He felt fucking disgusting. His fur was growing sticky, and his bedsheets and comforter would surely stain if he didn’t get it cleaned quickly, but he didn’t know how to do laundry.
He’d have to tell his parents about this.
Just the thought alone was enough to make his stomach lurch, feeling sick with his own humiliation. He couldn’t tell them about this. He couldn’t tell his brothers, either. This… this was a whole new kind of failure. This wasn’t just him failing to control his abilities, or his emotions; now, he couldn’t even control his own body. What if he had been in his parents’ bed when this happened?
That thought was what finally made the tears in his eyes start to spill.
He quickly grabbed Daisy and set her on the nightstand (after checking to make sure her fur was dry), then teleported directly into the bathroom, locking himself in and turning the shower on. He could figure out what to do with the bedsheets after he’d cleaned himself up.
With the sound of the shower muffling him, he let himself break down, intentionally scraping his skin with his claws as he harshly scrubbed his fur.
***
Shadow did something he was… not proud of.
He snuck up into the attic and borrowed (stole) Tails’ tablet to look up instructions on how to do laundry. He had no intention of keeping the device for longer than he needed it, he just used it for a quick Google search (which actually wasn’t all that quick, as it took him a couple minutes to figure out how to actually use it; he’d only ever seen others use it a few times), then placed the tablet back where he found it, not waking any of his brothers in the process.
He slipped back downstairs and shoved the soiled sheets and comforter into the washing machine (they were probably supposed to be washed separately, but he needed to get this finished before his family woke up), following the instructions he’d found online. It took him a minute to find where Maddie kept the soap used to clean clothes, and let out a sigh of relief when he finally found an odd container with colorful packets inside.
Starting the machine was easier than he anticipated, but what he hadn’t prepared for was how much noise it would make. If either of his parents woke up early, they would definitely hear it running. As far as Shadow knew, his brothers didn’t know how to use the washing machine either (not that they ever urgently needed to, since their laundry consisted of only gloves and socks, which Maddie always just threw in with her and Tom’s clothes), so it would look incredibly suspicious if they awoke to the sound of laundry being done.
He didn’t know what he’d do if they questioned him on it. He didn’t want to lie to them, but he couldn’t tell them what he’d done either. He didn’t think he’d ever recover from the shame.
All he could do now was wait and hope that he’d have clean sheets back on his bed before his parents awoke.
***
“Hey, uh…” Tails started, following his older brothers into the living room shortly after breakfast. “I’m not mad about it or anything, but- did one of you guys use my tablet recently?”
A bolt of icy panic shot down Shadow’s spine, and it took all of his strength not to outwardly react.
Sonic gave Tails a funny look. “You were with us all night. Don’t you think you would have noticed if we took it?”
“Well, yeah, but there was something in my search history that I didn’t put there.”
Shadow’s breath hitched. Search history?
Fuck.
“Did any of you guys look up how to do laundry?” Tails asked, frowning in confusion.
“Laundry?” Knuckles snorted, raising an eye ridge at Sonic. “Since when do you do chores?”
Sonic scoffed. “It wasn’t me! When have you ever even seen me in the laundry room?”
Tails’ frown was turned on Shadow. “Did you do it?”
Shadow swallowed, forcing his ears not to flick back in alarm. He felt his heart pounding as he said, “I was in my bedroom all night.”
Sonic’s eye ridges shot up. “You slept in your own bed last night?”
Shadow nearly flinched. “I- yeah, but-“
All of a sudden, Sonic threw his arms around Shadow’s neck, hugging him tightly.
“That’s awesome, dude!” Sonic said with a chuckle. Shadow was taken aback by the pride in his voice.
Just like that, the odd addition to Tails’ search history was forgotten, discarded as unimportant next to Shadow’s ‘great achievement’ of sleeping like a normal person for a single night.
They shouldn’t have been proud of Shadow for that. They wouldn’t have been, if they knew what he’d done when he awoke.
He just gave Sonic a weak smile, feeling sick to his stomach.
***
“Wanna stay in our room again, baby?” Maddie asked Shadow as the boys were getting ready for bed.
He felt his heart beat stutter, remembering how he’d woken up to wet sheets. He couldn’t handle the shame he’d feel if that happened in his parents’ bed.
He shook his head, keeping his expression blank despite all of the emotions swirling uncomfortably inside him. He’d spent years perfecting it, hiding all of the bad feelings until he was alone, where the scientists couldn’t see him shatter.
“I’ll be okay on my own.” Shadow said.
Maddie gave him a small smile, running her hand between his ears affectionately, petting over his quills. They still spiked upward most of the time, but on the rare occasions they flattened, his family never made a big deal out of it. He’d been anxious about it the first couple of times, and he still couldn’t seem to control how they behaved, though it didn’t make him nearly as nervous now as it had when Sonic explained why his were different.
“Just remember that there’s nothing wrong with coming back to our room, for any reason, okay?” Maddie said, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.
He gave a forced smile back. “I know.”
“Goodnight, sweetheart.” Maddie called as Shadow entered his bedroom.
“Goodnight, mama.” He said back, shutting his door before slumping back against it, burying his face in his paws.
He didn’t know what to do if there was another… accident tonight. He didn’t want to spend another night in here alone, but he couldn’t go back to his parents’ room, and he definitely couldn’t spend the night in the attic.
He’d made sure to use the bathroom while getting ready for bed this time. All he could do now was hope that the issue he’d had this morning was a one-time occurrence.
Just in case, he locked his bedroom door. He’d never felt the need to do so in the past, trusting the rest of his family to knock before entering, unless there was an emergency. Still, it helped quell a bit of his lingering anxiety.
Climbing up onto his bed, he reached for Daisy, then paused. He’d gotten lucky this morning, feeling only dry fur when he’d been holding her. If something went wrong again, he didn’t want to risk getting her dirty.
With a quiet sigh, he grabbed the teddy bear, then set her down on his nightstand. “Sorry, Daisy… it’s just for one night.” He hoped.
He curled up in the center of his bed, wrapping his arms around himself in his teddy bear’s absence. It took even longer to fall asleep tonight than it had last night.
***
Angry tears spilled down Shadow’s cheeks as he shoved his dirty sheets into the washing machine, fur still damp from his shower. He flinched at the noise when the machine started, then reminded himself that it hadn’t been enough to wake his family yesterday morning.
He padded back to his bedroom and climbed up on the stripped bed, snatching his bear off the nightstand to curl up with her. He sobbed into her fur, frustration bubbling under his skin. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong. He almost considered not drinking anything at all, or not sleeping, but the dehydration and exhaustion would eventually be noticed. He couldn’t seem to hide anything from his parents. How long would he be able to keep this problem a secret for? Should he just tell-
No. Absolutely not. He couldn’t tell them about this humiliating issue. If they found out, his brothers would find out. He already felt disgusting enough without it being displayed before the people he cared about.
***
“Did you sleep okay, honey?” Maddie asked.
Shadow had been even more quiet than usual during breakfast, only giving one word responses or acknowledging noises whenever his brothers tried to get him to join their conversation. His eyes stayed glued to the table, staring down at his toast with poorly disguised revulsion. He’d barely eaten half of a single slice.
He blinked when he realized Maddie was talking to him. For just a moment, she thought he looked panicked, but it was gone quickly. “Y- Yeah.”
“Are you feeling alright? You look-“
She didn’t even get the chance to finish her sentence before Shadow’s whole body tensed. In the span of a split second, he teleported away from the table, and a moment later, she heard the sound of retching come from the bathroom. The other boys stared in the direction of the hallway, startled.
“I’ll check on him.” Maddie said as she stood up, abandoning her breakfast.
She headed to the bathroom, finding the door closed but unlocked. She opened the door and saw Shadow hunched over the toilet, arms shaking where he held himself up. His gloves were still on, and the fabric was completely dry. This hadn’t been intentional.
“Shadow.” Maddie started softly, closing the bathroom door and kneeling down beside her son. “What’s going on, baby?”
Shadow flinched when she pressed her hand to his back. “I d- I didn’t m-mean to…”
“I know.” Maddie rubbed his back gently. “Do you know why it happened?”
“I just… don’t feel good.” Shadow mumbled, slowly moving away from the toilet to sit on the tile.
“Are you sick?”
Shadow shook his head, ears folding back. “I’m-“ he paused, mouth open like he was considering his next words, but hesitating. Eventually, he sighed, staring down at his paws. “It’s nothing. It’s just nightmares again. I’ll be fine.”
Maddie frowned. “It’s alright if you’re not ready to sleep on your own yet.” She moved her hand from his back to his quills, stroking them softly. “Come sleep in our bed tonight-“
“No!” Shadow blurted out, freezing up. “I- I don’t want to.”
Maddie blinked, shocked by his outburst. He’d never turned down an offer to sleep between her and Tom before, and now he’d done it twice in just the past two days. She thought she understood why last night; he’d seemingly felt better recently, and wanted to try and get back that last bit of normalcy he’d lost when GUN took him. But now, seeing him freaked out over just the idea of staying with her and Tom for another night, she couldn’t help but wonder if there was something going on that he didn’t want to talk about.
“Why not, baby?” Maddie asked, keeping her tone calm. She didn’t want it to sound like she was demanding answers, knowing how easily Shadow closed himself off when he was upset, though he had gotten better about that recently.
“I- I want to get used to sleeping in my own bed again.” Shadow said. “It’s- It’ll get easier. I just need more time.”
“You have plenty of time to start sleeping in your room again, whether you start now, or next month, or even later. I’m worried you’re going to-“ hurt yourself, she nearly said, thinking better of it, “-push yourself too hard.”
“I won’t.” Shadow stood up on slightly shaky legs, grimacing before flushing the toilet. “I’ll be okay.”
“And you’ll-“
“I’ll come to you and daddy if I’m not.”
Maddie gave him a smile, but she couldn’t deny that she’d missed having her boys in her and Tom’s bed these past few days. And with how Tom always checked the middle of their bed when he awoke, expecting to see Sonic curled up next to him and Shadow next to Maddie, she knew she wasn’t the only one. After losing them for two months, it was difficult to be separated from them again, even just for a night.
They’d have to get used to it, though; both of them were returning to work soon. They could only spend so much time away to care for their boys, even in a small town like theirs where hardly anything went wrong (beyond the government trying to kidnap aliens, but that was an average Tuesday at this point).
“Do you think you’ll be able to eat any more?” Maddie asked as Shadow got himself cleaned up at the sink.
Shadow’s ears flattened, and he pouted at Maddie in the mirror. “Do I have to?”
She sighed softly. “Don’t force yourself if you can’t handle it right now. We can always try again later.”
Shadow looked relieved by that, ears flicking back up.
When they returned to the kitchen, Maddie couldn’t help but notice that Sonic hadn’t moved an inch since they’d left, still staring out at the hallway until they returned. He visibly relaxed when he saw Shadow again, sitting on the very edge of his chair so he could nudge Shadow with his arm. Shadow nudged him back, grinning.
The incident during breakfast wasn’t forgotten, but Tom and Maddie didn’t bring it up to him again. Instead, they both silently kept an eye on him throughout the day, waiting for any sign that he was feeling worse than he let on. He seemed happy, for the most part. He still stayed glued to Sonic’s side all day, his quills still spiked up defensively, but he was smiling, laughing with his brothers, even joining in on their games.
Even after the sickness from that morning had seemingly passed, Maddie still feared that something truly was wrong, but she couldn’t force it out of him. She just had to wait, and hope that he’d come to them whenever he was ready.
***
One glance at the clock beside the bed told Tom that it was just past four in the morning. It wasn’t the first time he’d been awoken to the sound of the washing machine running, but the other times it had happened, he’d been too tired to question it.
Now, though, after nearly a week straight of hearing it every morning, his brain finally caught up to it, realizing that what he was hearing wasn’t normal. He and Maddie were the only two people in the house who actually did laundry, and she was still asleep beside him. It had to have been one of the boys, but why would they be doing laundry at four in the morning?
Tom climbed out of bed carefully, making sure he didn’t wake Maddie up in the process. Silently, he stepped out of the bedroom and walked down the hall, seeing the laundry room’s light on, the door slightly opened.
Walking closer, Tom pushed the door open slowly, blinking to adjust to the sudden brightness. When his eyes finally adjusted, the sight before him made his heart ache.
Shadow was sitting on the tile near the back wall, legs pulled up to his chest and face buried in his knees. His fur and quills were damp, like he’d just gotten out of the shower, and his gloves and socks were nowhere to be seen. His shoulders were shaking with sobs too quiet to be heard over the washing machine, and his ears were pinned to his head in obvious distress.
“Shadow?” Tom said quietly.
Shadow flinched hard, Chaos energy briefly sparking over his quills until he looked up and spotted Tom. His muzzle was already wet, but Tom thought that he saw tears in Shadow’s eyes. Something frightened filled Shadow’s gaze for just a moment, quickly followed by guilt. His eyes fell back to the tiles, shoulders hunching as he curled in on himself.
“I’m sorry I woke you up.” Shadow said, a small shiver wracking his frame. He already got cold so easily, Tom couldn’t imagine how much worse it was to sit on the cold tile with wet fur.
“What’s going on, bud?” Tom asked, kneeling down to Shadow’s eye level. “Why are you doing laundry so early?”
Shadow sniffled, turning his head away as his muzzle turned green. “I don’t want to tell you.”
Tom frowned. “Why not?”
“It’s… embarrassing.”
Tom let out a soft chuckle. “You don’t need to be embarrassed with me, kiddo. I guarantee that whatever’s wrong, I probably did things that were way more embarrassing when I was your age.”
“You were never sixty-four.” Shadow mumbled, then smirked a little. “Give it another year.”
“Hey! I’m not that old.” Tom said with a playful scoff, relieved to see Shadow smiling again, even if it only lasted a moment. “I’m serious, Shadow. You can tell me anything.”
Shadow huffed, resting his cheek against his folded arms. “It’s just… gross.”
Tom glanced at the door to the washing machine, looking inside and seeing what looked like the comforter and sheets from Shadow’s bed. Realization slowly dawned on him, putting together the dirty bedsheets and Shadow’s freshly washed fur.
“Did you wet the bed, kiddo?” Tom asked gently.
More tears filled Shadow’s eyes, and he shoved his face against his knees once more as he nodded. Poor kid. Tom didn’t think he’d ever seen him so embarrassed before.
“Oh, Shadow, come here.” Tom said, opening his arms.
Shadow glanced up at Tom, hesitant, but eventually his need to be comforted won against whatever mental battle he was fighting with himself. He stood up and crossed the few steps separating them, letting himself sink into Tom’s arms, settling in his lap sideways.
Tom wrapped Shadow up in his arms, finally feeling how frozen the small hedgehog really was. Had he been doing this every morning? Every single time Tom had heard the washing machine, too tired to question the sound, had Shadow been in here, washing his bedsheets and crying quietly to himself? Just… suffering alone on the cold floor?
Shadow shivered again, pressing himself even closer to Tom. His muzzle was still tinted green, and he refused to look Tom in the eye, tail tucked close to his thigh.
Tom kissed the top of Shadow’s head, hands rubbing Shadow’s damp fur to try and return some warmth to him. “I know how embarrassing it can be, but a lot of kids wet the bed at some point.”
Shadow hid his face against Tom’s shirt. “I f-feel gross.”
“I know, bud.” Tom sighed.
“I don’t w-want my brothers t-to know.”
He held Shadow tighter. “I won’t tell them, and Maddie wouldn’t, either.”
Shadow slowly relaxed in his arms, wet eyes peeking up at Tom.
“It’s gonna be okay, Shadow. You know you don’t need to hide things like this; we’re always here to help you.”
Shadow frowned. “How c-can you help this? I can’t… control it. I-I don’t even know why it’s happening.”
“Well, when did it start?”
Shadow bit his lip. “The first night I started sleeping in my room again.”
So it had been happening all week. Tom wished he’d thought to investigate sooner, it could have saved his kid days worth of panic.
“Do you think it would stop if you weren’t sleeping on your own?” Tom asked. “Maybe this started happening because being alone is still too much for you right now.”
Shadow’s ears flicked downward. “I can’t sleep in your room again. What if I-“ his mouth snapped shut, face twisting into a repulsed grimace. He was probably scared he’d wet himself in Tom and Maddie’s bed.
Tom pressed his cheek to the top of Shadow’s head. “We won’t know unless we try, bud. And if it does happen again, we’ll just clean up the mess and go back to bed. It’s okay.”
Shadow looked mortified. “I don’t want it to happen.”
“I know, and maybe it won’t. But it isn’t the end of the world if it does happen.” Tom said, running his fingers through Shadow’s gradually drying quills. “Have you been getting enough sleep?”
Shadow shook his head.
Tom checked the remaining time on the washing machine, seeing that it was only a few minutes away from being finished. “Let’s get your sheets switched over to the dryer, then go back to sleep, alright?”
“…In your bed?” Shadow mumbled anxiously.
“Yeah, kiddo.”
Shadow made an unhappy noise in the back of his throat, but he was too tired to keep arguing. This whole experience must have left him drained these past few days.
Tom kept holding Shadow as they waited for the washing machine to finish, and once Shadow’s bedding had been transferred to the dryer, Tom carried him to his and Maddie’s bedroom. Shadow rested his head on Tom’s shoulder, still tense, but losing the energy to fight.
Tom set Shadow down in the center of the bed, and the movement was enough to wake Maddie.
“…Shadow?” Maddie murmured, still half-asleep but slowly waking up. “You alright, baby?”
Shadow whimpered, curling up close to Maddie. She wrapped her arms around him automatically, frowning when she felt how cold he was.
“There was a… little accident.” Tom explained as he got back into bed. Maddie hummed in understanding. Shadow looked like he might start crying again. “Shadow was worried about staying in here again because he didn’t want it to happen on our bed.”
“Oh, poor baby.” Maddie said. “Is that why you got sick a few days ago? Because this was stressing you out?”
Shadow nodded.
“You don’t need to keep things like this a secret. We’ll never judge you, or be upset with you. We just want to make sure you’re okay.”
Shadow sighed tiredly. “I know, I was just… disgusted with myself. I’m too old to be-“ he paused, then lowered his voice, like he was still scared his brothers might overhear, “…having ‘accidents’.”
“We shouldn’t use age to shame ourselves for things we can’t control.” Maddie said. “Getting older doesn’t automatically mean that all problems go away, and you shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed about it.”
Shadow mumbled something under his breath that Tom couldn’t quite catch, but it didn’t sound like he agreed.
“We can talk about it later, and try to find a solution. Try to get some more sleep, sweetheart.”
For just a moment, Shadow looked like he wanted to argue, but the warmth of the bed and Maddie’s arms was starting to tug at his consciousness.
It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep like that, one of his paws clutching the edge of Maddie’s shirt weakly. His parents fell asleep shortly after, surrounding their little hedgehog in the protective barrier he’d been missing.
And when he woke up a few hours later, he was relieved to find the bed beneath him completely dry.