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It wasn’t often that the weather around Albuquerque became unexpectedly harsh.
Although the temperatures sometimes fluctuated depending on the seasons, it seemed like nearly every day of the year brought sunny skies and mild conditions - with even the dry deserts near the city managing to feel relatively pleasant for the most part! Or at least when compared to more humid and stuffy environments.
As such, those rare changes in the weather became all the more noticeable - whether they be torrential rains that threatened to flood the primarily flat landscape, the occasional reminder of winter’s icy touch, or (in the case of that day’s weather) a strong, dust-filled windstorm that blinded and blew away anything in its path.
Still not the most dangerous weather around, Kevin supposed - he’d heard from an old Harvard roommate of his that the tornadoes and derechos up in the country’s heartland could get pretty nasty - but certainly tough to deal with, as well as just annoying overall. Hence why he and his team decided to close their office early that day.
It’d already been incredibly slow that day, as not even toons wanted to face Mother Nature’s latest offerings. With how dry and dusty it was, Kevin wanted nothing more than to enjoy a nice, long shower and hunker down in bed as he waited for the windstorm’s end, his eyes getting a chance to rest while some mind-numbing TV playing in the background. Sure, maybe he wasn’t as lazy as he once was, but a bit of laziness now and then could still be nice.
But as he pulled up to his apartment (NOT motel room, thankfully), he quickly noticed some extra dust and sand on the staircase leading up to his humble abode, shaped in what could easily be seen as footsteps - coyote-sized footsteps.
Kevin sighed, rolling his eyes. Although most of the lunch meetings and pleasant reunions with his client-turned-friend were scheduled at least a week in advance, Wile E. still had a habit of sometimes stopping by the lawyer’s place unannounced - occasionally to ask for a second opinion on one of his trap designs or on the materials he was thinking of using, as the coyote was still getting used to working without ACME products.
A lot of times though, Wile E. would just want to hang out - not wanting to fully admit just how much he missed his human companions, though still being more than happy to join in on an uncle-niece movie night, a brief holiday, or even just a late night prep session for an upcoming case (the coyote had become surprisingly well read when it came to New Mexico law and Animated-Citizen Rights in particular).
Truth be told, Kevin enjoyed these times as well. He just wished Wile E. would give him a heads up. A non-ACME brand flip phone had been given to the cartoon canine at one point, but Kevin was certain Wile E. was either ignoring it because of some specific reason known only to him, or the phone had been accidentally destroyed and/or blown up weeks ago. (No offense to his friend, but Kevin was betting on the latter.)
Resigned to the fact he’d be hosting that evening, Kevin climbed the stairs and unlocked his apartment door. Wile E., who was sitting at his two-person kitchen table reading a newspaper in the dark, immediately looked up at him with bright, golden (and fairly bloodshot - unsurprising, given the weather) eyes that likely would have given Kevin a heart attack if he hadn’t already been used to seeing them.
“Hey Wile E., how’s it going?” Kevin greeted, turning on the living room light. Wile E. nodded back at him, a small smile on his furry face. “Not that I completely mind you being here, but I figured you’d be hanging out in the back of your cave, far away from…” He gestured towards the curtain-covered window. “All this.”
In response, Wile E. immediately scowled. “LONG STORY”, his sign read.
“Ah,” Kevin nodded. Knowing Wile E., “long story” likely translated to “roadrunner-related mishaps and shenanigans.”
He could imagine an unintentional widening of the cave’s entrance or the unexpected addition of several accidental ‘windows’ and ‘skylights’ due to some gadget or machine backfiring. Then again, he supposed it could have just as easily been the cave aging and naturally falling apart like any other structure, though he couldn’t imagine Wile E.’s active and explosion-filled lifestyle.
“Well, you’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like, pal,” Kevin told him, deciding not to ask anymore questions (much to the canine’s relief). “I’m not gonna force a delivery guy to do extra work in this weather, but I still should have an extra TV dinner to cook up for ya.”
Wile E. silently thanked him for his offer before holding up his own - a small plastic bag filled with packages of beef jerky, Kevin’s favorite brand of chips, and other gas station goodies (because who said that self-proclaimed genius coyotes couldn’t be considerate?)
“Great,” Kevin told him, grinning now. “We should have everything we need for the night then.” With that, he began taking off his jacket, shoes and tie.
Though, as eager as he still was to shower, walking further into his home also gave him a closer look at his houseguest, making it hard for Kevin to not notice just how much dirt and dust was still trapped in Wile E.’s fur, making it seem almost pale brown in some spots.
When it came to the residual smoke or ash from bombs and TNT, Wile E. was normally able to get it off him completely with a couple of casual brushes from his paws. Maybe more natural and ‘real world’ forms of dust were harder for toons to get rid of? Or maybe just the sheer amount of it Wile E. likely faced on his journey from the desert to the city made it impossible to brush away?
Either way, Kevin really didn’t want to just leave his friend to deal with it the rest of the night, regardless of how much a desert-dweller might have been used to having sand in his fur or dust in his eyes.
“Say, you wanna hit the bathroom before me?” he asked, getting Wile E.’s attention once more. “I feel like you could use it?” Wile E. gave him a slightly offended look, and Kevin quickly added, “Because of all the dirt, Wile E. Don’t worry, you don’t smell.”
Ah, well that’s good, at least, Wile E. thought to himself. As for the dirt… Looking down at himself, Wile E. supposed he could understand the lawyer’s point. It was caked into nearly every square inch of him, from the tops of his ears to the bottom of his paw-pads to the very tip of his scraggly-looking tail.
He was sure he looked like a total mess, and would probably end up leaving a stain or two on the sheets, blankets, and whatever other fabric he’d end up touching while sleeping over. But even so… Wile E. shrugged at the suggestion, brushing off a single shoulder (and hardly even making a dent in the dirt that was there) before returning to the article he’d been reading.
“Oh come on,” Kevin insisted. “Look, I know you’ve got a lot of fur, but I’m sure a shower won’t take THAT long, and it’ll be worth it to have all that dirt off you, right?”
Wile E. silently huffed, scowling at the lawyer before bringing the newspaper up to his face, fully hiding it and choosing to be as stubborn as ever.
“Wile E…” Kevin groaned. He knew he couldn’t exactly make Wile E. take a shower - he’d already tried that months ago, back before their first trial day in front of Judge Troppogrosso, and he could still recall how adamant the coyote had been about not making extra effort to make a good first impression, all while feeling completely confident in this choice (the exact opposite about Kevin had been feeling at the time).
But this wasn’t about earning extra points with a judge or jury, this was about self care! And… okay, yeah, that was a bit hypocritical coming from Kevin, who still sometimes struggled to keep up with his own shaving and bathing whenever the office was especially busy or when he was feeling particularly stressed.
BUT-! Just because he didn’t always follow his own advice didn’t mean it wasn’t still valid, and he was sure if she was there, Paige would agree with him.
…Thinking about it a bit more, Kevin knew that if Paige was there, she’d also make an effort to try and compromise with Wile E., already knowing (and accepting) that the coyote typically had a reason for most of the decisions he made, regardless of how logical these decisions may have seemed to non-toons.
“Do you just not like showers, because you can take a bath instead.” No response. “And I’ve got a couple different shampoos and soaps, if there’s a scent you prefer, or if you want something that doesn’t have much of a scent at all-” Still no response, though the increased grip Wile E. had on his newspaper let Kevin know that he was getting closer.
And in that moment, a bit of common sense pushed its way to the front of Kevin’s mind. “...Or, do you just not like water?” he asked cautiously.
Wile E.’s left ear twitched the moment he’d heard the word ‘water’, and as soon as the coyote realized this, Kevin saw both of Wile E.’s ears fold down slightly in embarrassment. Bingo. Really, it just made sense, and it did so on two fronts.
For as much as Wile E. was very much a logically thinking and feeling person, he was still a canine, and Kevin didn’t personally know of too many dogs (or coyotes) who enjoyed water. For another, being a creature AND resident of the desert, he was certain Wile E. already knew of how dangerous storms and accumulating rainwater could be for that environment. In that sense, it was reasonable that he’d be at least a bit cautious around water.
Having found the reason for Wile E.’s refusal, Kevin nodded to himself. He had the motive, now it was time to strike the deal.
“If you really don’t want to, then I’ll just drop it,” he began, “However, I really do think that you’d be better off getting rid of all that dirt. Trust me, as a guy who got very used to just sleeping in my suits, you’d be surprised just how good it feels to fall asleep while feeling actually clean.”
Over the edge of the newspaper, Kevin could see the coyote’s resolve start to waver ever so slightly. “Aaaand, I could even help you with it, if you want,” he offered. “Not that you’d NEED it, but- y’know, sometimes it’s nice to just have someone there to help wash your back and rinse all the soap off. And we can make it as quick or as long as you’d like. Sound good?”
By this point in his pitch, Wile E. had returned to fully looking at Kevin, his eyes narrowing with equal parts curiosity and skepticism. He looked back down at himself - back to all the clumps of dirt and sand and tangled fur still very much present on his body - before then looking back at his friend. His trusted friend, Wile E. reminded himself.
And finally - FINALLY - Wile E. held up a single sign: “OKAY, FINE.” He then flipped it to add “JUST THIS ONCE.”
Deciding that a bath would probably be less stressful for Wile E. than a shower (the last thing he needed was for his friend to slip in the tub and knock himself out on its faucet), Kevin spent the next five minutes or so running on, making sure the water wasn’t too hot or too cold.
He also made sure to gather all the supplies they’d need, including some 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, a washcloth (and an extra one for himself so he could at least wash his own face while he waited for the tub to fill), a big and fluffy towel, and a spare comb he had that he didn’t mind Wile E. potentially using and keeping for himself.
Once the bath was ready, Kevin - shirt sleeves rolled up and shampoo bottle already at the ready - invited Wile E. inside the bathroom. With his posture straight and his paws folded behind his back, Wile E. stepped cautiously towards the tub, first peering down at his rippling reflection before daring to stick a single toe into the liquid surface. As Kevin had promised, the temperature was perfect.
Oh, for goodness sake, Wile E. silently scolded himself. It was just water! It wasn’t going to bite him or blow up in his face! What’s more, he was a coyote of science and intelligence, not some scared pup!
And yet, Wile E. still found himself looking over at Kevin one last time, allowing the lawyer to give him one last nod of encouragement, before fully stepping inside the bath. Dirt immediately began floating off his body in waves as more of it became submerged, the dry skin underneath his coat already feeling soothed. He gave a silent sigh as he leaned back further into the small tub, getting the back of his head and tips of his ears wet.
As for Kevin, he chose to focus more on how relaxed Wile E. looked - more relaxed than he’d probably ever seen him - rather than all the dirt that, as he quickly realized, was absolutely going to stain his tub for a good few days. Oh well, he’d needed an excuse to clean his bathroom anyway.
Sitting on the toilet lid nearby, Kevin waited a few minutes to let Wile E. get used to the water and for his fur to be properly soaked before asking if he was ready for some shampoo, to which Wile E. lazily nodded.
The lathering of the shampoo took some extra time, as well as nearly the whole bottle’s soapy contents, given just how much fur there was to wash with it being a bit thicker than Kevin had been expecting. They ended up splitting the job down the middle, with Kevin focusing primarily on washing Wile E.’s head, ears and back while Wile E. was given the washcloth and told to scrub his arms, legs and torso.
The whole thing ended up being a bit nostalgic for Kevin, he slowly discovered, as he was brought back to when he was barely a young man. Paige had been born the summer he turned 18, and the following Christmas when he was back home on winter break, his older brother and sister-in-law asked him to watch her while they did some last minute gift shopping.
It had been just his luck then that Baby Paige had ended up spilling most of her mashed carrots and green beans onto herself, forcing Kevin to both clean up the mess and give her a bath before her parents came home - which had been completely nervewracking, as he’d been terrified of accidentally hurting her or otherwise doing something else to screw things up.
Paige on the other hand, despite being 1) cared for by someone who was practically a total stranger and 2) being placed into water by said stranger, had taken it all in stride, Kevin remembered, giggling and splashing about during the whole thing. He should have known, even back then, that she’d grow up to be someone so unafraid and unflappable.
A series of sniffles brought Kevin out of his memories. For a moment, he thought Wile E. had randomly started crying, but a look at his face revealed that the coyote was (mostly) still at peace.
With his portion of the scrubbing mostly done, he’d decided to rest his eyes a bit as he continued soaking. But while the rest of him was still, his nose was still sniffing and twitching wildly. A bubble popping nearby nearly caused him to snort.
“Oh, is the smell of the shampoo alright?” Kevin asked. “We’re nearly done, but if it’s starting to really bother you-”
Wile E. slowly shook his head. Pulling a sign out of underwater hammerspace, he explained, “JUST GETTING USED TO NEW SCENT.” He flipped it to add, “NOT A BAD SMELL.”
“Ah, good. Yeah, it’s supposed to be vanilla-something. I got it from my sister-in-law one year for Christmas, though I’m pretty sure she only got it for me ‘cause she found a good Black Friday sale. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice, but it almost felt TOO nice to use most of the time, y’know?”
Wile E. didn’t really, but he also didn’t mind listening to Kevin talk about it. While he didn’t always care about the things his lawyer-turned-friend had to say, not always understanding his specific references or feelings towards certain things, their casual conversations always felt more pleasant than tiresome.
By the time every inch of him had been properly cleaned and rinsed off - with the last wash-through being done while he was standing in a drained tub, as the water that once filled it became so dirt-filled that Kevin was certain it’d only been a level or two off from actual mud - it had been the better part of an hour.
With no hairdryer to use, Kevin did his best to help Wile E. towel off - just barely beating the coyote’s urge to just shake all the water off, thankfully - before handing him the spare comb and giving him space to untangle his fur, all while Kevin went to go get their supper ready.
Luckily for them and their stomachs, the use of his kitchen’s microwave made it a short wait, and by the time he was removing the plastic film off the two TV dinners, Wile E. had emerged from the bathroom, his fur still slightly damp but otherwise clean and tangle-free - and incredibly fluffy, Kevin silently noted with only a bit of amusement.
“Soooo? Come on, what’s the verdict?” Kevin asked with a smirk as they took their meals to the small and already well-used couch that he’d picked up for cheap when he first moved out of his motel room.
Wile E. feigned annoyance for just a moment before giving Kevin an admittedly deserved thumbs up, which his friend happily accepted. “See, what did I tell you? Totally worth it!”
Yeah, yeah, Wile E. thought, waving him off as he directed all his attention to his microwaved fried chicken and potatoes, the sight of meat (even cheap, formerly frozen meat) still being enough to nearly make him start drooling.
Kevin just chuckled and picked up his own fork for his Salisbury steak. “Yeah, well, anytime you need another bath or a shower, just let me know. I can even get you your own shampoo bottle, if you want.”
Wile E. silently hummed as he thought it over. As pleasant as the bath was, he couldn’t really see it becoming a weekly or even a monthly occurrence for him. With how often he got dirty (or even briefly disintegrated) during his chases with the Roadrunner, the idea of constantly trying to combat all that dirt was a bit too Sisyphean even for him.
Still, he supposed it was nice to just have the option, if he ever needed it. In that sense, it was also nice to know just how much his friend was willing to let him indulge in “getting clean and feeling good” as Kevin put it. Just another way for his human companions to show that they cared - something that, for as new as it still felt, was also incredibly comforting.
So, much like their scheduled meals or their impromptu hangouts, perhaps he would try to squeeze the occasional bath in. Of course, Wile E.’s own schedule - and the ever-present goals tied to that schedule - always came first.
Speaking of which, a quick forecast report from the local weatherman told him that the windstorm that had taken most of his day from him would be gone by sunrise. “Let’s just hope that he’s right,” he heard Kevin mumble in-between bites.
Wile E. meanwhile just grinned manically at the idea of getting an early head start on his feathered friend/rival (and hey, perhaps his new clean and well-combed condition would give him an advantage in that day’s chase! It was certainly possible), though maybe he would still drop off a coffee for Kevin before he left for the desert, just as an extra thank you.
From there, it was hard to say when he would need or want his next bath. So, until then, Wile E. simply allowed himself to be lulled to sleep by the sounds of Wheel of Fortune, the softness of his own fur as it met the second-hand blanket Kevin had offered him, and the lingering smell of artificial vanilla.
THE END