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“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
Bill was a sweating, exhausted mess. Not even 2 hours ago, he had been in the process of bringing his children into the world. Well, Fiddleford and Stan’s children, too. But they were mostly his. After all, he was the one actually carrying them. He deserved the credit just as much as the sperm providers themselves!
Labor was a pain in the ass, and it wasn’t even the fun kind!! Bill had decided to go unmediated, much to his husband's begging against it. “I can handle it! Besides, I’m not as fragile as you think,” he once shrugged, the two men exchanging a look of uncertainty. Perhaps he should’ve listened to them…
And the cherry on top?
None of his children looked like him.
There were 3 of them. 2 girls and a boy. All perfectly healthy -thank the stars for that- but they were the spitting images of their fathers. The first girl (whom was the calmest by far) had dirty blonde hair and light blue eyes. Other than her slightly darker complexion, she was Spec’s daughter 110%. Even though she was technically bills daughter too…
The other girl (whom was a bit more squirmy) had light golden brown hair, her brown eyes deep and warm. She had fiddlefords nose, though much less intense in its size. Her peachy complexion was a dead giveaway to whom her fathers were. Bill sighed deeply, looking over at the last baby; his little boy. The most squirmy and fussy.
Great, he didn’t even look like bill either!! Other than the more pointy nose, the little boy had brown hair (albeit slightly darker than Stan’s) and honey brown eyes. His skin had a bit more melanin then his sisters. The man swallowed. Well, maybe this baby looked a little like him. But still, he had Stan’s energy! He imagined the kid pickpocketing with his dad once he learned to walk.
Though the thought was amusing, bill was still gravely annoyed.
He groaned, running a hand through his tangled hair. “Cmon, kids. Can’t you just, like, look a little more like me?” He huffed, his yellow eye narrowing. He knew there was nothing to be done; the children were already born! He couldn’t rearrange an infants DNA once they were out of the womb. He wasn’t allowed to, at least.
Bill turned his attention to the two men watching him, stupid grins on both their faces. Bill met their joy with a scowl, the two simply chuckling. Stan walked forward, wiggling a finger around the little boys hand. The baby held on with impressive strength; another giveaway to his resemblance to Stan. The aforementioneds eyes softened, and he kissed bills cheek. Bill huffed, blushing slightly.
“Why the long face, pointy? Thought ya would enjoy the ‘joys of motherhood’,” he teased, Bill rolling his eye, and snorting. “Shut up, Fez,” he murmured, stroking the first girls cheek.
Fiddleford stepped in, looking happy as a clam. “Daww, look at ‘em,” he grinned, kissing each baby's head. He finished with a kiss on bills head, the blonde patting fiddlefords cheek. “This one’s got ma nose!” He booped the 2nd girls nose, which was met with a little giggle.
“None of them look like me,” bill grumbled, though he wasn’t so annoyed now. Stan shrugged, wrapping an arm around bills shoulder. “Eh, i’m sure they will eventually. Yer genes can’t be that weak,” he considered, before smirking at Bill. “Ehh, maybe not. Considering the fact I beat you so easily-“ Stan laughed as the blonde smacked his arm, yellow eye narrow and face contorted into annoyance.
“Watch it, Fez.” He warned, before blushing as fiddleford kissed bills cheek. “Thank ya, Billy.” He smiled, Bills face going red as Stan joined in on the cuddling. “C’mere, Pointy-“ he murmured, Bill trying to swat them off. “Not in public, you freaks,” he grinned, before they all looked down at the babies,
“Perfect,” Stan murmured, Fiddleford nodding in agreement. “Indeed,”
Bill took a deep breath, before a small, almost genuine grin came onto his face.
“Yea, Perfect.”