Chapter Text
peter
@parallelparker
yes ik my initials r funny
📍 Queens
324 following | 39 followers
bi-derman
@spiderman
don't forget the hyphen
📍 NY forever
6 following | 25.3M followers
Tony Stark
@stark
Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist | @StarkIndustries
📍 Manhattan, NY
30 following | 86.8M followers
anonymous
@emjay
you dont know me
📍 wouldnt u like to know
4 following | 65 followers
nedward
@guyinthechair
the ceo | b <3
📍 star wars verse
764 following | 54 followers
you're a hazard harry
@harryosborn
not affiliated with my father trust
📍 nunya
10 following | 2.9M followers
blonde bimbo
@gwenstacey
raging lesbian | black widow's 2nd biggest fan fr
📍 stream expectations ft chappell roan 🩷🎀
78 following | 108 followers
betty
@bettyboop
she/they | n <3
📍 NY
94 following | 349 followers
flash
@flashthompson
@spiderman mogs
📍 NY
65 following | 764 followers
denim jeans
@jeangrey
my jeans aren't infact blue
📍 SHE DOESNT EVEN GO HERE
23 following | 876 followers
Tony Stark @ironman ♥️
peter @parallelparker
okaaayy note to self do not interrupt mr stark when he hasn’t had his morning coffee he threw a wrench at me </333
82 replies | 492 retweets | 2.1M likes
> Tony Stark @ironman
Can you do actual interning stuff for once instead of talking shit in Twitter? Also, since when did you have an account?
⠀⠀> peter @parallelparker
⠀⠀ive had one i just went public for the first time in YEARS. i am BORED mr stark
⠀⠀⠀>> flash @flashthompson
⠀⠀⠀what. the. fuck.
flash @flashthompson
so is no one gonna question how the fuck peter fucking parker hacked tony starks twitter to tweet some shit and get himself a ton of new followers
43 replies | 65 retweets | 764 likes
blonde bimbo @gwenstacey ❤️
> anonymous @emjay
maybe its because peters actually starks intern. think monkey THINK
⠀⠀> nedward @guyinthechair
⠀⠀yes mj clock it ALSO waaiitt did u finally watch young sheldon :DDD
⠀⠀⠀>> betty @bettyboop
⠀⠀⠀the concept of my bf saying clock it??? who the fuck taught him that???
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀>>> denim jeans @jeangrey
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀it might seem crazy what im bout to say..
> you're a hazard harry @harryosborn
correction on mjs part: peters tonys secret illegitimate child hes hiding from the rest of the world /jjjjjjjjj
⠀⠀>> Tony Stark @stark
⠀⠀Would be possible if he called me Tony for once.
⠀⠀⠀>>> flash @flashthompson
⠀⠀⠀AM I IN A FUCKING NIGHTMARE also wait tony stark holy shit
[ 2:26 am ]
peter
@parallelparker
yes ik my initials r funny
📍 Queens
148 following | 1.8M followers
[ 2:28 am ]
( chat between pete and tinman )
[ pete is typing... ]
pete [2:28 am]: MR STARK
pete [2:28 am]: MR STARKKKKKK
pete [2:28 am]: HELLO
pete [2:29 am]: MR STARK ITS AN EMERGENCY
pete [2:29 am]: MR STAFK
pete [2:29 am]: STANK
pete [2:30 am]: MR STARK
pete [2:30am]: FOR GODS SAKE TONY
tinman [2:31 am]: That's a nice surprise.
tinman [2:31 am]: Kid, it's 2am. What could you possibly need?
pete [2:31 am]: i just got back from patrol why the hell do i have like a million followers on twitter now oh my god
tinman [2:32 am]: What's the problem? Nothing wrong with a little fame.
pete [2:32 am]: HSHSHH WHAT IF TWITTER FINDS OUT
pete [2:32 am]: IF MY IDENTITY GOT LEAKED THROUGH TWITTER THAT WOULD BE THE WORST WAY TO GO
tinman [2:33 am]: Then just don't tweet dumb shit.
tinman [2:33 am]: I trust you enough to be media trained. Worse comes to worst, Pepper can handle the PR if anything happens.
pete [2:38 am]: likewise.
tinman [2:39 am]: Seriously, what's the problem? Most kids would die for a chance to have fellow "Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist" reply to their tweet. Might even get them the chance to get laid.
pete [2:39 am]: first of all EW
pete [2:39 am]: secondly you might just be dorkier than me mr stark
pete [2:39 am]: idk its just WEIRD
pete [2:39 am]: and the acadec gc is blowing rn and im too tired to check it bc of flashhhhh
tinman [2:40 am]: And there's another thing, that Eugene Thompson kid.
tinman [2:40 am]: Calling me a dork but you're getting bullied by a kid named Flash?
pete [2:41 am]: WOAH WHO HURT U MR STARK
pete [2:41 am]: i got literal chills
pete [2:42 am]: but like anyways flash is harmless he doesnt like punch me or anything
tinman [2:45 am]: Just let me know if that kid ever goes too far.
tinman [2:45 am]: One word and I end him and his whole bloodline.
pete [2:45 am]: you arent beating the irondad allegations <3
pete [2:46 am]: thanks mr stark
tinman [2:46 am]: Anytime kid. Goodnight.
[ 2:39 am ]
( chat between angel child and literal goddess )
[ angel child is typing... ]
literal goddess [2:39 am]: Peter, I know you're awake right now and might be patrolling
literal goddess [2:39 am]: Is everything ok?
literal goddess [2:40 am]: I saw the twitter discourse.
angel child [4:54 am]: HI AUNT MAY
angel child [4:54 am]: hhhshshsh im sorry i was patrolling
literal goddess [4:58 am]: I know don't worry! I just wanted to check in
angel child [4:58 am]: and yes im ok may dw dw,,,
literal goddess [4:59 am]: It's really late, you should really think about heading in for the night baby
angel child [5:00 am]: okay
angel child [5:00 am]: you too.
angel child [5:00 am]: will you be back soon
angel child [5:00 am]: i miss you </33
literal goddess [5:01 am]: I'll be back in about an hour. Don't wait up for me!
literal goddess [5:01 am]: And remember, if you're feeling lonely after patrol you can just stay at the tower
literal goddess [5:01 am]: Tony assured us both you're welcome there anytime. Make use of it, hang out with literal superheroes and don't worry about me.
angel child [5:02 am]: impossible i could never
angel child [5:02 am]: superheroes cant compete with my awesome aunt
angel child [5:03 am]: AND IM A SUPERHERO TOO
literal goddess [5:05 am]: You get my point
literal goddess [5:05 am]: Goodnight Peter, I love you ❤️
angel child [5:05 am]: love you too may <3
natasha romanoff's bitch @blackwidowsbiggestfan
so who tf is @parallelparker and is he truly tony starks intern holy shit
98 replies | 543 retweets | 769k likes
> angie @thorshammer
the concept of a kid around my age being an intern for an avenger... what am i doing with my life
⠀⠀> peter @parallelparker
⠀⠀i promise im not hot shit LOL
⠀⠀⠀>> bi-derman @spiderman
⠀⠀⠀yeah he rlly isnt
⠀⠀⠀⠀> angie @thorshammer
⠀⠀⠀⠀HOLU SHIT IM PRACTICALLY A CELEBRITY NOW ???? HI SPIDEY??? HI TONY STARKS INTERN???
⠀⠀⠀>> angie @thorshammer
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀SHSHSH FELLOW USER PARALLELPARKER HOW DOES ONE BECOME THORS INTERN
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀>>> peter @parallelparker
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀wwweeellllll,,,
Spider-Man HQ @spideyaffiliations
Spotted - After days of silence, Spider-Man makes an appearance in Twitter to interact with user @parallelparker. Could this elusive Peter Parker know Spider-Man personally? More updates will be provided about Spider-Man once we learn more about this mysterious intern! 🕷️
876 replies | 987k retweets | 8.7M likes
> you're a hazard harry @harryosborn
pete just had to make a fuss on twitter the week of my birthday
76 replies | 544 retweets | 237k likes
⠀⠀>> peter @parallelparker
⠀⠀wait i am so serious rn i totally forgot its ur bday soon holy shit im so sorru,,,
⠀⠀⠀⠀>>> you're a hazard harry @harryosborn
⠀⠀⠀⠀always stealing the spotlight away from me arent u parker
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀>>>> peter @parallelparker
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀nooo.....
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀>>>>> you're a hazard harry @harryosborn
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀so make it up to me by giving me ur biggest hug when i come back to NY tomorrow
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀>>>>>> peter @parallelparker
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀YAAAYYYYY ,,, YES YES OFFC ?.??/.
peter @parallelparker ♥️
you're a hazard harry @harryosborn
new york aint ready for me
453 replies | 523 retweets | 2M likes
[ 3:21 pm ]
( chat between sweet innocent spider baby and chaos goblin )
[ sweet innocent spider baby is typing... ]
sweet innocent spider baby [3:21pm]: dude
sweet innocent spider baby [3:21pm]: harry
sweet innocent spider baby [3:21pm]: HAROLD
sweet innocent spider baby [3:21pm]: HAROLD THEOPOLIS OSBORN
chaos goblin [3:21pm]: pete,,, its only been a few seconds chill
chaos goblin [3:22 pm]: yes hello hi
sweet innocent spider baby [3:22 pm]: HSHSHSHHS HARRY WERE U FR
chaos goblin [3:22 pm]: YES DUDE my sad excuse for a father finally took out the stick up his ass and is actually letting me go back to ny to visit u guys and potentially move back.
sweet innocent spider baby [3:23 pm]: I AM SO FREAKING HYPED OH SWEET BABY JESUS
[ chaos goblin reacted with a ❤️ ]
[ 8:48 pm ]
( spidey protection squad )
[ spider-menace is typing... ]
spider-menace [8:48 pm]: guys
spider-menace [8:48 pm]: TALK TO ME BEFORE I PATROL IM SO BORED
spider-menace [8:48 pm]: i should rlly be grateful abt this break but i cant find it in me to enjoy it
spider-menace [8:48 pm]: i miss u guys|
gremlin [8:49 pm]: pipe down spider child just a few more days
spider-menace [8:49 pm]: HHHHSH DONT FORGET THE HYPHEN HAROLD also it's spider-MAN
mj [8:49 pm]: you ARE in fact a spider AND a child parker.
neduardo [8:49 pm]: pete u might have to listen to mj ab this one
mj [8:49 pm]: ok but when should he ever NOT listen to me
neduardo [8:50 pm]: fair point
bootcut jeans [8:50 pm]: mj supremacy
spider-menace [8:51pm]: YOU DONT EVEN GO HEREEEEE
bootcut jeans [8:51 pm]: touché
gremlin [8:55 pm]: fr tho i cant wait to come back
gremlin [8:55 pm]: ill also be meeting @bootcut jeans for the first time in person
spider-menace [8:56 pm]: weird think to look forward to /j
bootcut jeans [8:56 pm]: first of all RUDE
bootcut jeans [8:57 pm]: but yeah im kind of a hell spawn harold
gremlin [8:57 pm]: double the trouble tho amirite
neduardo [8:57 pm]: arent we all hell spawns
beep beep [8:58 pm]: never you ml <3
neduardo [8:58 pm]: HHHHHHHHHHHHSHSH BETTY ❤️
spider-menace [8:58 pm]: keep it in ur pants leeds
mj [8:58 pm]: valid reaction tho
bootcut jeans [8:59 pm]: ^
gremlin [8:59 pm]: ^
[ 10:03 pm ]
( chat between southern plastic kid and old man )
[ southern plastic kid is typing... ]
southern plastic kid [10:03 pm]: tony
southern plastic kid [10:03 pm]: i dfnt think i can handle it herew anymore|
southern plastic kid [10:03 pm]: get me out of bum fuck tennessee
old man [10:05 pm]: Sure kid.
old man [10:05 pm]: What's with the change of heart?
southern plastic kid [10:06 pm]: just the people
southern plastic kid [10:06 pm]: i wont be going anywhere if i stay here
old man [10:06 pm]: What about Abbie and your mom?
southern plastic kid [10:06 pm]: i talked to them about it already
southern plastic kid [10:06 pm]: they were the ones who convinced me
southern plastic kid [10:07 pm]: plus i just wanna meet my cute replacement you and twt keep talkin abt
old man [10:07 pm]: Ok first, ew.
old man [10:07 pm]: And you're not being replaced.
old man [10:07 pm]: I can arrange for you guys to meet when you get here, and I could let you stay in a room on the same floor as the kid's.
southern plastic kid [10:09 pm]: perfect
southern plastic kid [10:09 pm]: i also wanna meet spiderman and see if hes as hot in person
southern plastic kid [10:10 pm]: HES LGBT I HAVE A CHANCE
southern plastic kid [10:10 pm]: ive certainly got choices for when i arrive in new york
southern plastic kid [10:10 pm]: HEY ITS 10:10 i wish to touch spider-man's ass
old man [10:11 pm]: Oh god.
old man [10:11 pm]: Kid you've only got one rule for when you get here.
old man [10:11 pm]: Do not hook up with an adolescent superhero in red and blue spandex.
southern plastic kid [10:14 pm]: so i can still hook up with the intern ;)
old man [10:21 pm]: I am already regretting my actions.
tony stark's mini
@tonystarkbrokeintomygarage
it's true he did
📍 middle of nowhere
376 following | 163k followers
Tony Stark @ironman ♥️
tony stark's mini @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage
the yankees wont see it coming
876 replies | 875 retweets | 6.3M likes
⠀⠀> cinderella @cindymoon
⠀⠀NOW WHO THE FUCK IS THIS ONE?
⠀⠀> Tony Stark @stark
⠀⠀Indeed they won't.
⠀⠀ >> tony stank adopt me too @starksupremacy
⠀⠀HOW DOES ONE BECOME A CHILD OF TONY STARK @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage @parallelparker
⠀⠀> blonde bimbo @gwenstacey
⠀⠀you go girl
⠀⠀> peter @parallelparker
⠀⠀wait who are u ,,,,,, ???
⠀⠀⠀⠀>> real-life cowboy @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage
⠀⠀⠀⠀the future love of ur life sweetheart
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀>>> peter @parallelparker
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀????? wwwhat ?????
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀>>>> Tony Stark @ironman
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Oh goddamnit.