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“Human mating require much touching,” Rocky said.
“Huh?” Grace looked up. He’d been zoning out, as he usually did during the sex scenes of the human movies they watched together, and he blinked several times at the actors still on the screen. Their arms wrapped around each other and a thin sheet was thrown over them to keep their incessant humping from becoming actual pornography. He didn’t remember this movie having such a gratuitously long sex scene, but then, he’d probably skipped it when he last watched it. He rarely saw movies in the theaters, since he didn’t have anyone to go with.
“Oh. Yeah. That’s kind of par for the course,” he said.
Rocky hummed, annoyed at his use of idiom, probably, but didn’t comment on it. He held the screen reading device up resolutely towards the computer, the—finally finishing—sex scene relayed in textured hills and valleys on his tablet.
“What, do Eridians not touch when they’re mating?” Grace asked.
“Not required,” Rocky said. “Can touch, but not always preferred.”
Grace’s brow furrowed.
“What? How would that even—oh, wait. Do you guys do external fertilization?”
“Not necessary to discuss. Grace not like mating.”
“Well—” Grace let out a sigh that was almost a laugh. Had Rocky been avoiding the topic this whole time because Grace told him he was asexual? Clearly Rocky wanted to know about human sex. He was focused on the sex scene.
“That doesn’t mean I can’t talk about it. I mean, I sat here and watched the whole sex scene without skipping it—speaking of, I’m gonna pause this.” Grace leaned forward and clicked the spacebar on the laptop. The video player paused, and the room suddenly felt awkwardly silent.
He shifted back onto the make-shift couch, adjusting the blanket that had fallen off his lap slightly in his movement.
“Did not watch,” Rocky said.
“What?”
“Grace not watching. Grace far away, in mind.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Grace frowned. He heard his ex-girlfriend’s voice, telling him he had his head in the clouds. They argued about this, too. He never understood it. She knew he was ace, so why did she get so mad about him zoning out when they had sex?
They probably shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place. Just because Grace could have sex—with a healthy dose of disassociation—didn’t mean it was really fair to either of them.
“Sorry about that,” he said, out of habit.
Rocky shifted in his ball, which was balanced precariously on the makeshift couch.
“Why Grace apologize, question?”
“Oh. No. Uh. Ignore that.” Grace shook his head.
“Yes. Grace Rocky no discuss mating. Grace not like, statement.”
“Rocky—” Grace sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, pushing his glasses up into his hair. “I can handle talking about it. Really, I can. I just have some bad memories associated with that… particular phrase.”
“What phrase, question?”
Grace groaned. He really didn’t want to have to get into this with Rocky, but if he wasn’t completely open with him, how could expect Rocky to reciprocate?
And he desperately wanted to know how Eridians didn’t have to touch each other while mating. The idea appealed to him greatly.
“That I wasn’t here,” he said. “My girlfirend—uh, ex. You know, my old mate. She’d say the same thing about how I was when we were doing it.”
“Doing—” Rocky started what sounded like a question, then suddenly jumped in his ball, surprise stiffening his joints.
“Grace mate with Grace mate?”
Grace had to laugh at how that sounded. The computer voice repeated itself verbatim, not catching the slight differences altering the meanings of the Eridian words.
“Y-yeah. We did. I wasn’t a big fan of it, though. Clearly.”
Rocky grumbled to himself, wordless clicks of frustration.
“Should not,” he said, after a while of that. “Mating should be happy. Should not do if not enjoy.”
“Hmmm, I don’t know about that, actually,” Grace said. “I mean—obviously you shouldn’t force yourself to do things you don’t want to, and maybe I was, with her… but I’m not talking about me, here. I think there are reasons, for humans, anyways, that we have sex even when we don’t particularly enjoy having sex, but that aren’t bad reasons.”
“Confused. Explain.”
Grace laughed.
“I mean—I wasn’t super connected to the asexual community, or whatever… but I read enough online to get some stuff. And I know some ace people liked having sex for reasons other than the sex itself. Like… I don’t know. They liked feeling connected to their partner, or they wanted to have a kid, maybe! Stuff like that.” Grace shrugged. “Look, all I’m saying is, I don’t think it’s fair to say that you can’t have sex if you don’t directly enjoy the sex itself. And it’s also not…”
Grace paused and bit his lip.
“It’s not the fault of the person who didn’t enjoy it that they had sex and didn’t enjoy it. You know?”
“Yes! Apology. Rocky not mean Grace fault for not enjoying.”
“I know, bud, I know.” Grace tapped Rocky’s ball, and Rocky pushed himself up to bump against Grace’s hand through the xenonite.
“So… do you want to tell me how Eridians mate without touching?”
Rocky squatted back down, taking on a shy posture.
“Is through sound,” he said. “Rocky done explain now. Continue movie.”
“Through—what? No, I have, like, a million questions.”
“No time for one million.”
“Fine, like ten.”
“Rocky want finish movie, statement.”
“Grace want answer questions, statement.”
The two stared at each other for a long, tense moment, until finally Rocky did a nervous little spin in his ball, sighed through his vents, and relented.
“Touching not provide much sensation. Eridians not sensitive like humans. Loud noise at correct frequency move organs right way, feel very good. Understand, question?”
“Oh. So you, like, sound-blast each other?”
“Rocky not know word,” he said, petulant sarcasm heavily implied.
Grace snorted.
“You know, it kind of sounds like you’re the one who doesn’t want to talk about this. Are you sure you’re trying to spare my feelings?”
Rocky made a noise of distress, and Grace frowned. Maybe thinking about it made him sad, because it had been so long since he’d seen his mate. Grace really shouldn’t be teasing him this much.
“Sorry,” he said. “But thank you, for explaining. That sounds really interesting. I’d probably enjoy sex a lot more if it didn’t involve so much touching. Especially parts going inside other parts… anyways.”
Grace stopped himself before he said anything worse and clicked play on the movie again. Rocky said nothing, but he sat very still for the remainder of the film, his screen reader held a little off-center. Grace wondered if perhaps he was the one zoning out, now.
He didn’t comment on it.
…
The next few days were quiet. That wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary. Sometimes Rocky got focused on a project and they had a quiet day or two, but this seemed off. It went on for too long, and Grace caught Rocky standing still and just idly tapping the ground several times, so it wasn’t that he was focused on anything.
Anything engineering related, anyways.
Grace tried to let him work through whatever it was, until he was going to sleep one night, and every time he was just about to slip under, Rocky started tapping the xenonite from his perch above him.
“Oh my god, will you please stop that!” he snapped, angrier than he meant to sound.
“Apology!” Rocky shot up like he’d been caught doing something illicit.
“Ugh, no, sorry, it’s fine. I’m just tired and you keep waking me up.” Grace rolled onto his side, smushing his face into the pillow. “What are you even doing that for? You’ve been tapping the floor, like, constantly.”
Rocky made a tiny chirp of embarrassment, but otherwise didn’t answer.
Grace frowned. Now that the question had lodged itself in his mind, he found sleep out of reach once again.
“Rock?” He sat up a little, glaring at him. Rocky crouched in a submissive posture. A silent apology.
“What, is it something bad? Why are you acting like this?”
“Not bad. Just… observing,” Rocky said. “Tapping ground give clearer picture of surroundings, by creating directional sound.” He tapped again to demonstrate his point, and Grace’s eyes widened.
Rocky was staring at him.
“Oh. Okay.” He started to laugh, more out of confusion than anything. “Why, you like what you see?”
It was supposed to be a joke. Rocky hunched in on himself further, and Grace’s mouth went dry. It wasn’t a joke.
“Christmas Eve!” he exclaimed. “Rocky, you actually—”
“Apology!” Rocky shouted over him. “Yes, apology, yes! Have been observing Grace like lude pervert, apology, apology, apology!”
“Whoa, whoa, what? I wasn’t gonna call you a pervert!” Grace pulled the blankets up over his chest, like that would change anything for the alien who could see through walls. “Is that what you—is that how you—you want to do things to me?”
“No! Grace misunderstand.” Rocky stomped his feet like an angry rabbit. It was really cute, but Grace did his best to ignore it. He needed answers.
“Then what do you want from me?” he said.
Rocky went still, then his vents whistled.
“Yes, okay, apology. Grace is right. Rocky want to do things to Grace. But only because Grace say was maybe interested!”
“What?” Grace felt lightheaded. “When did I say I was—”
He cut himself off, remembering with sudden clarity the movie night, and the conversation about Eridian mating.
“You. You want to sound-blast me?” Grace choked out.
“Only if Grace want. Yes.”
Rocky started tapping the floor again. With one of his rear claws, like Grace wouldn’t notice. He shrunk a little, feeling vulnerable under that piercing gaze.
“Well. But. Isn’t that something you only do with a mate?” he asked.
“Yes. Typically.” Rocky tapped harder. Was he glaring at Grace, now?
“So. So that means. You want…?” Grace pointed to himself and gulped.
“Yes. Obvious. Grace stupid, question?”
“Excuse you!” Grace scoffed, putting on offense despite the blaze of embarrassment painted on his cheeks.
“Grace cute when flustered,” Rocky said, tapping the xenonite rather obviously.
“You—you!” Grace covered his face. His heart was beating so hard, he thought it might fly out of his best. Was this seriously happening?
“You really want… me?” he asked, peeking between his fingers
“Yes,” Rocky answered like it was so simple.
For Grace, the world spun on the wrong axis.
“But what about Adrian?” he said.
“Adrian not mind.” Again, like it was simple. “Grace want also, question?”
“Want what, exactly?” he said, voice a thin slip of air.
“Be mates with Rocky. Do not have to have sex, in human way or Eridian way. Just want to be with Grace.”
Grace stared up at Rocky. Rocky tapped the barrier, staring down at Grace.
“That’s—I—I don’t know. That’s a lot, Rocky. A lot to think about. I mean it would change everything!” Grace babbled. “What if it went wrong and then we’re stuck alone on this ship together?”
“What if went right, question? What if perfect and happy, question?” Rocky asked. “But if Grace not want, is okay. Just tell Rocky no. Say Grace not want.”
Grace opened and closed his mouth. His head spun. He couldn’t say it, because he knew it wasn’t true.
“I do want,” he finally said. “I’m just…”
“Scared, question?” Rocky asked it so gently. Grace recognized the soft, cooing tone of his chirps.
Something settled inside him. He nodded.
“Is okay. Understand,” Rocky said. “Grace have bad mate before. Rocky be better mate. Be best mate! Make Grace happy, promise promise promise.” Rocky chittered, his carapace leaned out in a way that looked like he was puffing his chest up.
Grace laughed and shook his head. The tension slipped away so easily. He was undeniably comfortable with Rocky. Rocky understood him better than anyone ever had on Earth. And yes, Grace liked him. He liked him a lot.
Maybe he could let himself have this.
“Okay. I guess… I guess we can be mates,” he said, reaching up to put his hand against the xenonite. “I might have to think about the sex part, though.”
“Yes yes yes, think long time.” Rocky put his hand over Grace’s and tapped his fingers. Grace tapped back. Rocky trilled happily.
Grace blinked through tears, his lips wobbling into a smile.
“Thank you,” he said.
“No thank. Is bare minimum,” Rocky said. “Should never ever force mate to mate.”
Grace held in a laugh at the repetitive phrasing again, and nodded.
“Yeah. That’s true.”
“Rocky be much better than bare minimum. Grace will see.” Rocky made an exaggerated nod with his carapace.
Grace was laughing again. He wiped away his tears.
“Oh, geez. What have I gotten myself into?” he said.
“Into beautiful alien relationship, soulmates across universe,” Rocky said. “Obviosuly.”
Grace covered his red face.
“Right. Yeah. Obviously.”
Rocky hummed and settled back down on his xenonite ledge. He was tapping slowly, watching Grace calm down. Grace sniffled and rubbed his hands over his face.
“Sorry, Rock. I’m still really tired. Can we talk more about this in the morning?”
“Yes, yes. Grace sleep now. Rocky be quiet.” Rocky stopped tapping, tucking his claw under his carapace with the rest of them. Full loaf position.
Grace felt soft and gooey inside, looking up at him. He’d never been wanted in this way. Wanted for who he really is, what he really can offer in a relationship. It felt surreal.
He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but he was too excited.
It was going to be a long, long night.