Chapter Text
[bangtan (7)]
jimin: WHICH ONE OF YOU HAS MY DINNER
jungkook: not me
jimin: I didn't ask you
jungkook: you literally asked all of us
jimin: you're too far away
jungkook: then why am I being interrogated
taehyung: because you have a criminal face
jungkook: what the fuck does that mean
yoongi: can everyone shut up
jimin: hyung?
yoongi: no
jimin: I haven't even asked you anything
yoongi: I know where this is going
jimin: do you have my fucking dumplings?
yoongi: technically
jimin: WHAT DOES TECHNICALLY MEAN
hoseok: oh no
seokjin: Everybody be quiet. I want to see how this develops.
yoongi: they were left outside my door
jimin: WE LIVE ON DIFFERENT FLOORS
yoongi: sounds like something you should take up with the delivery driver
jimin: bring them upstairs
yoongi: no
jimin: yoongi
yoongi: jimin
jimin: bring. me. my. dumplings.
yoongi: can't
jimin: WHY
yoongi: there are fewer than when they arrived
jimin: MIN YOONGI
taehyung: oh he's using government names
namjoon: Yoongi, did you eat his food?
yoongi: I ate a dumpling.
jimin: HOW MANY
yoongi: that's between me and God
seokjin: He's an atheist.
hoseok: 😭😭😭😭😭
jimin: I'm coming downstairs
yoongi: door's locked
jimin: I KNOW YOUR CODE
yoongi: fuck
Yoongi had approximately twenty-eight seconds to assess his situation.
On the coffee table sat a paper bag containing what remained of Park Jimin's dinner. On the sofa sat Yoongi, containing what no longer remained of Park Jimin's dinner.
His phone buzzed.
jimin: elevator
“Shit.”
Yoongi reached for the bag and looked inside it. Three dumplings stared back at him where there had originally been eight, which was considerably less food than he’d been hoping to return to its rightful owner.
In his defence, he hadn't known they were Jimin's when he'd eaten the first one. He’d discovered that shortly afterwards, when Jimin started complaining in the group chat about a missing delivery.
He’d been chewing on the second dumpling at the time. Finishing that one could reasonably be attributed to momentum. Three, four and five were admittedly harder to justify.
His phone buzzed again.
jimin: outside
Yoongi looked at the three surviving dumplings.
“Well. Fuck.”
Elsewhere, five people were following developments with considerably more enthusiasm than the situation warranted.
[not yoonmin (5)]
taehyung: he's going down there
hoseok: obviously
jungkook: do you think they'll fight
seokjin: No.
jungkook: disappointing
seokjin: I think they'll have sex.
namjoon: Jin.
seokjin: What? Eventually.
Somebody punched Yoongi’s doorbell six times in rapid succession.
“OPEN THE DOOR, THIEF.”
Yoongi sighed.
This was going to be a long evening.
He opened the door.
Jimin stood there in grey sweatpants, an oversized hoodie, and the expression of a man whose ancestors had personally entrusted him with eight dumplings and who had failed to protect them.
His eyes narrowed.
“Where are they?”
“Hello to you too.”
“WHERE?”
“Jesus Christ.” Yoongi stepped aside. “They're on the table.”
Jimin stormed past him, heading straight for the coffee table. By the time Yoongi had closed the door and turned around, Jimin had opened the paper bag.
Silence.
A very dangerous silence.
Jimin looked at the remaining dumplings, then slowly raised his eyes to Yoongi. His expression was so completely blank that Yoongi almost preferred the shouting.
“Three.”
“Yes.”
Jimin glanced into the bag once more, as though another five might materialise if he gave them enough time. “There are three.”
“I can count.”
“I ordered eight.”
“Congratulations.”
“Hyung!”
There were several different ways Park Jimin could say hyung.
There was the normal one. The affectionate one. The deliberately cute one he deployed whenever he wanted something. And then there was this one. Yoongi preferred the first three.
“You ate five?”
Yoongi shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants and shrugged.
“In my defence—”
“You ate five?”
“They were good.”
Jimin's mouth dropped open. Yoongi made the mistake of laughing.
“Oh, you think this is funny?”
“A little.”
“Okay.” Jimin nodded.
That should have worried him. Instead, Yoongi watched Jimin calmly take out his phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Calculating.”
“Calculating what?”
“Your debt.”
“My—”
“You owe me five dumplings.”
“I'll order you more.”
“No.”
Yoongi stared at him. “No?”
“I don't want more dumplings.”
“You've spent the last ten minutes threatening my life over dumplings.”
“That was before.”
“Before what?”
“Before interest.”
Yoongi blinked.
“What fucking interest?”
Jimin smiled, and Yoongi suddenly understood that the dumplings were no longer the problem.
“Dinner,” Jimin said.
“What?”
“You owe me dinner.”
“For five dumplings?”
“Five stolen dumplings.” Jimin folded his arms. “There are emotional damages to consider.”
“You're insane.”
“Saturday. Seven.”
“No.”
“Perfect. I'll pick the restaurant.”
“That wasn't—”
Jimin clutched the bag to his chest and turned towards the door.
“Wait. Those are mine.”
Jimin stopped. Very slowly, he looked back at Yoongi. “They're my dumplings.”
“You just said you didn't want them.”
“I said I didn’t want replacement dumplings. These are evidence.”
“Evidence of what?”
“Your crime.”
Yoongi stared at him in disbelief. “You came into my flat using my door code, sentenced me to dinner without a trial, and now you’re confiscating food from my coffee table.”
“Yes.”
“And I’m the criminal.”
“Glad we’re on the same page.”
Jimin headed for the door, entirely too pleased with himself. Just before reaching the door, he stopped and turned back.
His eyes travelled over Yoongi – bare feet, old grey sweatpants, black T-shirt – then returned to his face.
Yoongi narrowed his eyes. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“What was that?”
“What was what?”
“Why did you look at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Jimin.”
Jimin smiled. “Saturday. Seven. Goodnight, hyung.”
The door closed before Yoongi could tell him, for the fourth time, that he had never actually agreed to Saturday at seven. For a few seconds he simply stood there, staring at it.
His phone began vibrating on the coffee table. Yoongi closed his eyes.
Of course!!
[bangtan (7)]
jimin: update
jimin: the criminal has agreed to restitution
yoongi: I agreed to nothing
hoseok: restitution 😭
jungkook: did you get the dumplings back
jimin: 3 survivors
taehyung: thoughts and prayers to the fallen
seokjin: 🕯️🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🕯️
namjoon: Why are there candles on both sides?
seokjin: respect the dead namjoon
yoongi: I'm leaving this group
jimin: anyway he's buying me dinner saturday
yoongi: THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED
hoseok: oh?
taehyung: ohhhhhhhhh
jungkook: 👀
namjoon: That's nice.
seokjin: Kim Namjoon I need you to try harder.
namjoon: Ohhhhhhhhh.
seokjin: Better.
yoongi: it's not a date
jimin: nobody said it was
yoongi: you were all thinking it
taehyung: interesting that your mind went there
yoongi: fuck off
jimin: wow
jimin: didn't realise the thought of dating me was THAT upsetting
yoongi: that's not what I said
jimin: :(
yoongi: don't
jimin: :(
yoongi: Jimin.
jimin: :(
yoongi: for fuck's sake
hoseok: I'm witnessing something intimate
yoongi: you aren't
taehyung: i feel like i should give you two privacy
yoongi: PLEASE DO
jimin: saturday 7pm 🥰
yoongi: I hate you
jimin: see you then hyung ❤️
yoongi: why is there a heart
jimin: goodnight everyone!!!
jimin left the chat
jungkook: can he do that
namjoon: Apparently.
yoongi: HE CREATED THE GROUP
seokjin: You should probably text your boyfriend and ask him.
yoongi: he's not my boyfriend
taehyung: yet
yoongi left the chat
hoseok: OH MY GOD
jungkook: 😭😭😭
namjoon: Who's going to add them back?
seokjin: Nobody.
seokjin: I'm enjoying the peace.
Three minutes later, Yoongi's phone buzzed.
jimin: you left the group
yoongi: so did you
jimin: yes but I did it for dramatic effect
yoongi: obviously
jimin: tae added me back
yoongi: congratulations
jimin: want me to add you?
yoongi: no
jimin: okay
Two minutes.
yoongi: are you going to?
jimin: going to what?
yoongi: add me back
jimin: you said no
Yoongi stared at the screen.
yoongi: jimin
The typing bubble appeared. Disappeared. Appeared again.
jimin: say please
Yoongi locked his phone. Absolutely not. Ten seconds later he unlocked it.
yoongi: please
Jimin added him back immediately.
[bangtan (7)]
jimin added yoongi
taehyung: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
yoongi: how the fuck did you know
taehyung: jimin sent screenshots
yoongi: PARK JIMIN
jimin: goodnight hyung 🥰
The other five reached approximately the same conclusion. Saturday was going to be interesting. Yoongi, meanwhile, reached a different conclusion. He was changing his door code.