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James was actually going to kill his dormmates if they didn’t get a room. Honestly, it’s like their screaming at each other was foreplay, from how often James heard them yelling at each other.
Getting ready in the morning? Yelling. Going to the great hall for breakfast? Yelling. Getting to class one minute late? Yelling. A harmless prank gone wrong? Yelling. James getting back from quidditch practice at night? Oh, there it was, Sirius and Remus yelling at each other once again.
This, though, this was screaming. Loud, obnoxious, Sirius-you-bloody-poser-shut-the-hell-up, screaming. And Remus was screaming right on back, just as loudly.
And James? James just wanted to sleep through the bloody night without having his two best friends keep up the entire dorm room. Actually, scratch that, the entire house of Gryffindor.
“Will you two bloody shut it already?” He shouted, covering his ears with his pillow but to no avail. Either they didn’t hear him, or they didn’t care.
“Will you just listen to me for once in your life, Sirius!” Remus was shouting, because the only reasonable thing to do at four in the bloody morning was clearly shouting at his boyfriend.
Boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? It was hard to keep up with the two of them, if James was being honest.
“I am listening, Remmy! What do you think I’ve been doing, hmmm?”
“I don’t know, because from what I’ve heard, all you’ve done is talk about yourself! I’m done hearing excuses!”
“And I’m done hearing you argue,” James muttered into his pillow. Merlin, would they just let him sleep?
“Oh, my excuses? Yeah, let’s talk about my excuses, shall we? Never mind your excuses!”
“Get a room!” James shouted at the two of them, fed up. He loved Sirius, he did, but he was also a bloody moron and Remus wasn’t going to let Sirius forget that.
“Oh stay out of this, James!”
James, right. Because when Sirius was mad at one person, he was mad at everyone. No Prongs or Jamie for him.
“At least take it outside,” he groaned. This was going to be a very long night.
James woke up to a different kind of screaming than he had fallen asleep to.
“Shut it!” he called, throwing a pillow in the general direction of the noise.
“Oh good, Jamie, you’re awake!”
“Nope, nope, nope, leave me out of this,” he told Sirius, already regretting throwing away his blanket. Great, now how was he supposed to block out the noise? “Go bother Moony.”
“What about me?”
“Oh good, you’re awake. Now we can panic together,” Sirius said gleefully. “Come here Moonyyyy.”
“And we’re panicking because…?”
James smiled despite himself. He wanted to be annoyed, but he just couldn’t be, not when Sirius was so happy and Remus sounded so amused and Peter was somehow sleeping through it all.
Peter got the most sleep out of all of them, that was for sure.
“Because look! Look!” Sirius said excitedly, pulling at his head. “I have ears!”
“You’ve always had ears, Sirius,” James shot back with a laugh. “Tell him, Remus, he’s always had ears.”
“No, look! I’ve got dog ears!” Sirius shouted, pulling at his head again. “Look right here, they’re the same color as my hair!”
“What? No! Let me see!” James said, jumping out of his bed and hurling himself towards Sirius. “No way, Sirius, now let me get a good look at you,” he said, rubbing his hands all over Sirius’s head while he looked for the ears. Usually Sirius would have kicked up a fuss at anyone touching his hair, but at that moment he was grinning ear to ear. “Oh Merlin, you do.”
“What, jealous, Jamesy?”
“In your dreams,” James shot back. He got cool antlers, after all. “Now we’ve got to name you!” he shouted in excitement. They were one step closer to collectively becoming animaguses, it was a big deal.
“Yes!” Remus shouted excitedly, and so the boys spent the morning teasing Sirius over his furry little problem until the sun came up and they had to get ready for classes for the day.
And there was no question whether or not James laughed loudly at Sirius for the purple fedora he put over his head for the rest of the day.