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“He’s not sleeping.”
“Well,” Ryland grumbled, “hello to you too, Jody.”
“Sorry, hi,” she corrected, drumming her fingers against the countertop. “Colt’s not sleeping. I need your help.”
“Jody it is 3 in the morning-”
“And your brother hasn’t slept in a week. He’s fully running on caffeine and microsleeps.”
“Listen, your his girlfriend-”
“Tried that, didn’t work.”
Ryland went silent for a few beats. “Dear God, I really didn’t want to know that about you and my brother,” he muttered. “I was gonna say that you’re his girlfriend. He’s less stubborn when it comes to you. I’m usually the unstoppable force in the dynamic, while he’s the unmoveable object.”
Jody massaged her temples. “Ryland, I’ve already banned him from driving and handling sharp objects and working. He’s going stir crazy and I am this close to force-feeding him melatonin. I- He’s shutting me out again, Ryland. And I- I can’t watch him destroy himself when he won’t even tell me what’s going on.”
The line went silent as Jody tapped the countertop, staring at the silhouette leaning over the railing of the balcony of their (technically, Colt still had his own place but he’d all but formally moved in. Jody was waiting for her renewal date to come up so she could put his name on the lease) apartment, overlooking LA.
“Listen, I need to go back to bed because it’s a school night,” Ryland murmured. “But I’ve got a three day weekend this week. I can pack up and be down there tomorrow…I mean, technically this evening if that’s alright.”
“You are my savior, thank you so much,” Jody breathed. “I’ll pick up some skittles for you.”
“And that’s exactly why I like you better than Colt.”
“I’ll see later then,” she hummed. “I’ll try to get him to sleep but he’ll probably-” she pushed back her hair- “brush me off, like he has, for the past week and he’s scaring the crap out of me.”
“Just hang in there, Jody. I’ll- I’ll do what I can when I get down there.”
“Yeah, thanks Ry.”
She set her phone down, tucking her hands into the pockets of one of Colt’s oversized (on her, at least) sweatshirts she’d snatched a bit ago. The door to the balcony slid open, and the cool night air of Los Angeles washed over her. Colt was still resting against the balcony, staring blankly into the night. She ran a hand over his arm, rising up on her toes to rest her chin on Colt’s shoulder.
“What are you doing up?” Colt murmured as one of her hands slid down to interlace with his. “It’s the middle of the night-”
“Missed my heater,” she murmured, pressing her face into his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. “So cold in there, by myself, all alone, without my amazing, sweet, incredible-” Jody snuggled against him even more- “furnace of a boyfriend.”
She saw the ghost of a smile spread across his face in the dim moonlight. “Can’t believe I flew across the world for a girl and all she wants me for is my body.”
“Mmm, no, I want your body heat,” she corrected. “This-” she patted his bicep- “is just a bonus feature. Big strong arms, keepin’ me safe when we’re sleeping. Makin’ me feel loved because my super tough and awesome stuntman boyfriend isn’t afraid to be the little spoon sometimes.”
“Jody Moreno,” Colt teased. “Are you trying to seduce me into your bed?”
“Mmmmmm, ‘s it working?” She slurred, burying her face in the crook of his neck. “Cause I miss youuuuu, ‘nd I’m so coldddddddddddd, all aloneeeeeeee.”
“You are really laying it on thick.”
She huffed, pressing herself closer against him. “Point stands, past our bedtimes. And the whole kinda living together thing does imply-” she trailed her fingers up his arm- “that we literally sleep together.”
“I’ll turn in a bit.”
“It’s three in the morning, Colt.” She rose up on her toes, kissing his cheek. “Come to bed, please.” She tugged at his arm a little for emphasis, staring up at him.
Colt ducked away, avoiding her pointed look. He didn’t tug his arm out of her loosened grip though. Didn’t flinch away from her touch like he used to when he was trying avoid her. She closed her eyes, leaning into his warmth, heart fluttering as she felt Colt’s head tilt to rest on top of hers.
“Will it help if I’m there?”
Jody looked up at him curiously. “Help what?”
“I’m assuming you came out to get me because you can’t sleep,” Colt murmured. “I-”
“Why don’t you believe that I want to help you?”
“Probably because I don’t need help.”
“You haven’t slept in a week, Colt. I have Ryland coming down for dinner and the weekend because I’m scared that I’m going to force-feed you melatonin if no one intervenes and that is technically illegal.”
“Better than codeine.”
Her eyes widened. “What?” She yelped, grabbing his face and forcing him to look at her, almost instinctively checking the dilation of his pupils. Colt slowly grabbed her hand to take them off his face, muttering something before he winced.
“I uh, I had a placement with a foster family who were…not great people.”
Jody paused. “You were in foster care?”
“I never told you that?”
She shook her head, hand reaching up to toy with the strands of fading blond hair at the nape of his neck. Colt let out a soft sigh at the contact, shooting her a knowing glance before clearing his throat. “It’s- it’s a long story. That, if I’m gonna be honest, I really don’t wanna get into right now.”
Jody nodded, hand coming down to rest on his shoulder. “Okay,” she whispered. “Okay, yeah. It’s okay.” She sighed heavily, glancing out towards the streetlights below. “Just, come inside? Please?”
He stood still for a moment, staring blankly ahead like a statue, before he ducked his head and gave in. “Okay,” he murmured, tilting his head to kiss her forehead. “You said Ryland was coming down?”
“Mhm,” she hummed, slowly guiding him back indoors. “He says he’s got a long weekend.”
“I’ll go get stuff for dinner-”
“I’m not giving you your keys back until I know you’re not going to fall asleep at the wheel.”
“I’ll make a grocery list.”
“Better,” she murmured, kissing his cheek.
“Thank you for picking me up,” Ryland sighed, sliding into the passenger seat of Jody’s car. “Did you really take his keys?”
She dug out Colt’s keys from the pocket of her sweatshirt, dangling them in front of Ryland. “He nods off while he’s standing up. I am not letting him get behind the wheel for his safety and the safety of the general public.” Ryland nodded as she tucked them back into pocket. “Besides, no need to thank me. You’re Colt’s brother. Of course, I’d come pick you up from the-”
“You’re trying to strategize without him knowing.”
“He’s shutting me out,” she groaned, pressing her forehead to the top of her steering wheel. “Oddly enough, he’s doing the thing where he’ll say off-handed things to make it seem like he’s opening up without actually opening up.” She sat back up. “Side note, you two were in foster care?”
Ryland nodded slowly, though raised an eyebrow. “Did he not tell you that?”
“Not before last night when he mentioned being slipped cough syrup to sleep by one of your foster families.”
“Oh my God, I forgot about that,” he whispered. “Yeah, we got stuck in an emergency placement one time at a home that was one away from capacity but the social worker refused to split us up. Colt wasn’t sleeping well and it was driving the parents nuts so they literally drugged him. There was an older girl also in the home, I think her name was Audrey, kind of a big sister to Colt and I for the few months we were there, who was sixteen and called the cops.” He leaned his head back against the seat. “She actually invited us to her wedding a few years back.”
“That happened?”
He sucked in a breath. “Yeah, they uh, they weren’t all like that. We had some good homes, just…we also had some bad ones in between them. That…specific placement was one of the bad ones. Probably the worst for Colt, honestly.”
“I had no idea,” she whispered, drumming her fingers against the wheel. “I’m his girlfriend and I had no idea he was ever in foster care. I’m planning to put his name on my lease in two months and I still feel like I know nothing about him.”
“If it’s any consolation, that’s not the worst thing that’s happened to us,” Ryland tried soothing, leg bouncing restlessly. When Jody turned quickly to face him, he winced. “What has he told you about our family?”
“I know you exist,” she sighed, gesturing to him. “Obviously. And I know your mom died when you were both young so you don’t have that many memories of her. Other than that, he’s like a vault. Again, I had no idea you both were in foster care until he mentioned it last night. I- I have no idea why-”
“Our dad was a piece of shit,” Ryland said quickly. “That’s- that’s all I think I should tell you. Everything-” he sighed, clenching his fists- “everything else…Colt would beat the living daylights out of me if I told you. It- it needs to come from him.”
“With how he’s been recently, that means never.”
“I’ll talk to him,” he sighed. “I can’t promise anything and it might make it worse, but-” he leaned his head against the glass as Jody pulled into the parking garage of her apartment building. “I dunno, Jody. He’s- he’s been through some shit. And most people, unfortunately myself included, aren’t all that great at sticking around for him.”
“So he’s learned to leave before they do.”
“Yeah. Yeah, he’s really good at that.”
Colt’s head perked up as he heard the door click, hand immediately going to hold Jean-Claude’s collar. “I got him,” he called almost instinctively as Jody opened the door. He beamed as he saw his brother, mumbling some sort of command that had the Kelpie relaxing.
Ryland glanced between the two of them, “I don’t have to worry about-”
“Nah, he’s used to your scent,” Colt explained, standing up and walking over to sling an arm around his brother’s shoulders. “He’s just been, I dunno, protective recently.”
Ryland stared at him, tilting his head to the side. “You do look like a racoon a bit, so-”
“Huh?”
“Dark circles,” he said, tapping his under-eye. “You doing alright?”
They stared at each other silently for a moment, and Jody was almost inclined to believe they were having some sort of telepathic conversation. She crossed her arms, leaning her weight onto one of her legs as she watched them.
Ryland’s eyes flicked towards Jody for half a second, and she watched Colt’s shoulders drop in resignation. He said something under his breath before turning away. “I’ve got dinner ready so,” he gestured towards the kitchen, “whenever you’re ready.”
Jody followed him quickly, brow furrowed as she noticed a few more coffee mugs now resting in the sink that hadn’t been there this morning. She subtly jerked her head towards them, catching Ryland’s attention. He frowned at the sink, looking back at Colt, who seemed less like he was actually focused on the task at hand and more like he was just running through the motions.
He silently set out a few plates as the three of them gathered around the kitchen island, taking seats in the various bar stools around them. Jody and Ryland sat shoulder to shoulder, both focused on Colt as he propped elbow on the table to hold up his head, his eyes hooded.
Ryland stared at him, waiting for a minute as Colt’s eyes fluttered closed. “He’s been doing this…”
“After day 2? Microsleeps.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I caught him doing it a few times between takes when we were filming in Australia. In hindsight-”
“He didn’t sleep for three days,” Ryland finished. “He’s done this before.”
Jody blinked, looking at him curiously. “What?”
Ryland sighed. “People…aren’t…the only thing he avoids. He tries to avoid feeling anything negative most of the time too. And he’ll go to some…extreme lengths to do that.” He reached out, snapping his fingers and startling Colt awake. “What was it this time?”
“Huh?” Colt mumbled, rubbing at his eyes, fork clattering out of his hand.
“You’re actively avoiding sleeping-”
“No I’m not-”
Ryland narrowed his eyes. “Lie to me all you want-” he gestured to Jody. “Don’t lie to her.”
Colt looked to her, blue eyes bloodshot from his lack of sleep. Jody’s heart ached, her brain screaming for her to hold him tightly and run her hands through his hair. She pressed her lips into a thin line, setting down her own fork.
The tension was thick, suffocating. Her chest tightened, and her hands shook, like her mind wasn’t able to tell the difference between this standoff and the love of her life falling out of a helicopter.
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Colt finally admitted, mostly under his breath.
“Colt, it is only going to get worse and you know that.”
“And I can handle it.”
“What, by avoiding sleeping until you just-” Ryland threw up his hands- “collapse?”
Colt stared at him for a moment, before standing up silently and starting to walk away.
Jody stood up quickly and Colt shook his head. “I’m just, I need air so-” he tilted his head towards the balcony- “I’m heading out there and I’m just gonna sit and be by myself and try not to think about why I haven’t slept in a week-” he glared at Ryland- “asshole, until I calm down. So, yeah.”
“So there is a reason?”
“Yeah, yeah there’s a reason. And it’s a stupid fucking reason and I need to get over it,” he grumbled, mostly to himself as he crossed the room and slid the door open, before nearly slamming it behind him.
Jody and Ryland sat there silently for a few moments, before Jody turned to him, blue eyes ablaze. “What the hell was that?” She snapped, crowding the scientist. “Seriously, what the hell-”
“Colt avoids sleeping when he has nightmares,” Ryland blurted. “I was trying to get the specific thing out of him so I could know if you’d be better to deal with it or if it was probably better left to me.”
She stared at him, “I want-”
“I know you do,” he sighed, ducking his head. “I know you want to help him but if the whole, him breaking his spine taught me anything it’s that if you try and force him to let you help him, he’ll only get more self-destructive.” He rubbed his arms. “Listen, if- if Colt hasn’t told you about even like…the major things that happened when we were kids, I really doubt this is how he wants to start that conversation.”
She sighed, looking out at his silhouette on the balcony. “How long is he gonna be curled in on himself like this?”
“I wish I knew.”
Gunshots. Aimed at him. Aimed to protect him.
Blood. His own. Ryland’s. Dad’s.
Screaming. Jody. Ryland. Courtland.
Fire. The explosion in Sydney.
Burning. His body from the flames. His wounds from the gasoline.
Blinding. Flashing red and blue lights when they took him away.
“Colt?”
He pulled his head out of the watery mix of memories and nightmares, blending all together, and looked up at Jody as she knelt down next to him, hands coming to his face, thumbs brushing over his cheeks to wipe away tears he hadn’t even known were there. He leaned into her touch, into the warmth of her as she pressed herself against him.
She tucked his head under his chin, running her hand through his hair. “I’m here,” she whispered. “I’m here, Colt. I’m right here.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured against her. “Bein an ass.”
“I just want you to be okay,” she whispered, kissing the top of his head. “Ryland gave me a bit of the rundown, that this is a pattern with you.”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “The list of what I don’t run away from could fit on a post-it note, I just-” he wrapped his arms around himself- “I dunno, they…they get bad. Brain won’t let me believe that it’s just a dream and can’t hurt me soooooo yeah, I just…stop sleeping.”
“Jesus.”
“I’ll pass out eventually.”
“That is not at all reassuring, Colt,” Jody murmured into his hair. “Do you wanna talk about anything?”
“Not right now,” he sighed. “It’s…a lot. Talking about it might just make it worse.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“I dunno,” he said, eyelids drooping. “Need you to tell me it’s okay, it might, might make my brain remember that dreams won’t hurt me. Stupid though, so I understand if you-”
“Is that it?”
He made a face, leaning against her. “Keep holding me? If it’s not-”
“I can do that,” she breathed, kissing his forehead. “I love you.”