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Winter in Colorado was both a blessing and a curse, especially if you lived in South Park and witnessed the season year-round. A snowy forecast was the only thing routine about this mountain-town, and that meant that you’d have to adapt.
Eric Cartman learned from a young age that whenever he’d get his own car eventually he’d have to learn how to drive on the roads covered in ice and sleek, but he wished he took his own advice more seriously, because driving back in the middle of nowhere with barely any gas, close to midnight, wasn’t the best time to start cautious driving. Eric tampered with the A/C of his pickup truck, but it was either really starting to falter – it was a used Chevrolet after all and it wouldn’t last forever in northern weather – or it was just really fucking cold outside. Either way, Eric had to resort to pulling one of the blankets out from the backseat to keep himself from freezing to death. He squinted his eyes and tried to look through his windshield. There was no doubt in his mind that he still had a good fifteen miles to go, and with the handle traveling closer to the empty slot on his fuel gauge, he felt like it would be a miracle before he’d get back to South Park. He hit his fist against the A/C with frail hope it would puff out hot air, but he was stuck. He wondered how often people got frostbite in Colorado.
He didn’t plan on going to therapy so often during the last week before graduation. If he could have helped it, he’d rather not drive out so far just to see a claimed professional get paid to ask him uncomfortable questions for forty-five minutes, but Liane insisted.
The drive wasn’t the worst part for Eric, even though it was awful and he paid a shit ton of gas to keep up. Lately, Eric had been struggling with his mental illnesses and found himself having to go back to therapy more than once this week. He mentioned that he was feeling more stressed and he would get angry more just because of that stress, so his usual doctor dragged him back tonight just to check up on him. He supposed he should feel grateful – they did take the time to remind him just of how fucked up he was and how almost nothing was going to get better from here. There was a part of him that figured all of this time could be worth something, if he took the advice of the doctors to heart more than he wanted to admit.
Eric knew that he was prideful.
The idea of doing something and trying to change yourself just because you know it would benefit others was not something Eric wanted. He knew that it would probably be a while before he wanted to do something just for himself. Liane could keep making these appointments and have her son drive several miles a week just to get him out of her hair, but it would just be a few more days and Eric would get the hell out of his town and find where he really belonged.
He clutched his steering wheel as he continued driving down a road that turned bumpy. There were fewer trees on his sides, and he could feel his truck start to stutter. There was no doubt it was because of his lack of gas, but he was the type of guy to keep driving until it got completely empty, so he pushed on. The full moon’s light streaked on the horizon, enough to help Eric slightly more than his headlights could provide. A few more days, and these drives would be over. There would be no more doctor visits, and it would be the end of needlessly driving two extra hours a day just to babble lies to somebody else. It had been such a long time since Eric could taste freedom.
He felt the road turn to the right and he was starting to wonder where the hell he was. Typically he knew exactly where to go to get home but for some reason his drowsiness was starting to settle. He scrambled for a cigarette in his glovebox, grabbing the carton and the lighter. After prepping it, he put the lit cigarette in his mouth and took a deep breath. The minty aftertaste lingered in his mouth as he rolled down a window slightly and exhaled. He had only been smoking regularly since junior year, but he remembered the first time he put a stick in his mouth after Kenny tempted him to. The blonde showed him how to do it, and even though Eric coughed the first time for a good five minutes and flipped his friend off because smoking cigarettes was fucking stupid anyways, he eventually turned around and started it as an actual habit. He wondered if he and Kenny would still be friends after high school ended. He doubted it. There was nobody in mind that Eric could plan seeing after he left that school for good.
Eventually Eric realized that he must have turned on a road that led him the opposite way from South Park, because the way wasn’t clear and his drowsiness was starting to overwhelm him. He sighed and decided to just pull over and try to figure out where the hell he was. After parking his truck on the side of the road, he stepped outside with the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders. He finished his cigarette while he fumbled with his phone, stepping on the white bud as it met the asphalt. His phone was trying to pick up a signal, but since Eric was in the middle of nowhere, he could barely get anything. It was already a quarter after midnight and he was about to scream. How did he get so lost when he traveled this way constantly? There was a single bar on the top of his screen visible, but Eric knew it wouldn’t be enough to help with directions. He sighed, returning to the driver’s seat after a few more minutes of cursing Google Maps for being a waste of his time.
Eric figured he would just drive until he got to a spot with better reception, so he tried going into drive and getting back on the road, when there was another problem. When Eric attempted to push the gas, the truck didn’t move. Eric’s eyes trailed towards the fuel gauge and he realized it was completely empty.
“Are you fucking serious?” He asked himself, pushing down the gas harder in an attempt to get moving. Still, the only noises he could hear were from the engine. He wanted to just go out into the woods and never come back.
Eric wasn’t sure what to do at this point, his phone couldn’t get a damn signal and his car was out. He knew he would have to get in contact with somebody and the idea of Kenny or even Butters coming to get him. Kenny didn’t even own a car, and Butters was probably going to refuse because his parents wouldn’t let him go out this far to pick himup. He scowled at the idea of calling Stan – he knew that Stan would probably come get him, but they weren’t as close as they used to be and he didn’t want to seem like he was vulnerable to anyone. That really left only one person and Eric wanted to say he’d prefer dying of frostbite than just call him but if he wanted to graduate, he had no choice.
He dialed Kyle’s number.
He put his phone against his ears and waited as it started to ring. Kyle wasn’t the type to automatically answer but Eric prayed, actually prayed that Kyle would somehow break character just for this. After a few rings, it went straight to voicemail and Eric cursed under his breath.
“Hello, this is Kyle Broflovski. Unfortunately I missed your call but if you leave…”
Basic voicemail etiquette and Eric wanted to laugh the entire time because it was so like Kyle to leave a minute-long outro before the beep came. Typical Jew, being the perfectionist and goody two-shoes that he was. Once the beep did its thing Eric started talking, bringing the phone closer to his mouth because it actually gave off a little heat.
“Uh, hey, Kyle. I know that it’s almost half-past midnight and you’re probably asleep…well, I know that you’re asleep because you need to catch up on your precious sleep so you can do your precious Valedictorian speech…but I really need you to pick up and call me back. It’s an emergency. Bye.”
Hanging up and relaxing in the seat of his truck, he knew that he could have called 911 as well but he really didn’t want to go through the process of describing where he was. Plus a teenager in the middle of nowhere so late at night in a pickup truck, not really the best way to get rescued without further suspicion. He was about to start walking or call Butters, but he felt his phone actually vibrate and he answered on the first ring.
“Jew.” Eric opened up, and he could hear Kyle move around in what Eric assumed was his bed. There was a soft noise on the other end as Eric could hear Kyle sitting up.
“You do realize that it’s super late right now?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“And you are aware that you use the term emergency way more than anyone I ever know, right? Is this actually an emergency, Cartman?”
“Hey, most of the time when I say something is an emergency it’s not like I’m fabricating anything.” Eric started, but once he felt like Kyle could hang up, he stammered. “M-My truck ran out of gas and I really need a ride back into town.”
“Did you call 911?” Kyle asked slowly, but before Eric could say anything, he sighed. “Never mind, of course you didn’t. Are you anywhere near South Park?”
“Uh, wait, are you actually going to come get me?” Eric asked incredulously. Kyle took a couple of seconds before answering. “Well, that was the point of you calling me, right?”
“Yeah, actually, that would be kickass. To be honest, I really have no idea where I am though, so…”
“You have no clue what road you’re on?”
“I came out of Denver and went on 285 for a few miles and then I got off the exit I usually go, and I must have turned on some road and…yeah, I am surrounded by trees and if you don’t hurry my truck is going to be covered in snow and I’ll be dead.”
“Please don’t joke about that.” Kyle said, and Eric was surprised with the strength of his tone. Either way, Eric thought to himself, it wasn’t like being gone was going to really change things around there, and the idea of Kyle being apathetic to Eric being dead was something that the other boy couldn’t fathom without getting a knot in his stomach. He grabbed the middle of his jacket as the thought surfaced. Kyle rustled on the other end and after a few seconds he said, “I guess I will just head over in that direction to come get you.”
“You don’t mind driving this far to come pick me up?” Eric asked, and after he was rewarded with silence he continued, “I mean, to be honest you’re kind of making a dumb decision considering you don’t even know where I am.”
“Well then I guess I can just call 911 and explain…” Kyle started, but Eric interrupted.
“No! No, I mean, it’s fine, I can wait. I don’t care.”
“Mm, okay. I have a decent feeling I know where to head around 285, even though ‘surrounded by trees’ could have been a little more specific. There are no buildings or anything?”
“Uh, the only thing I can see is a sign for a ranch about 5 miles north of here.” Eric said, and Kyle made a noise of approval while he sounded like he was grabbing a pair of shoes.
“That’s all I need to know. Just don’t do anything stupid until I get there.”
“What the fuck, why would I…” Eric started to argue before Kyle hung up, and the fatter boy looked down at his cellphone, baffled.
He couldn’t believe Kyle had actually agreed to pick him up and take him back, but what confused him even more was the fact that it hardly took any persuasion for Kyle to just agree, even this late at night. Eric figured that the redhead would have been doing stuff for graduation, since he was valedictorian in their class, barely surpassing Wendy, and he had a shit of work to do for when the year ended.
Eric leaned back in his chair and wondered if ever could have been in the top ten of their class. He hardly doubted it, he didn’t see himself gorging through all of that extra schoolwork and extra-curricular crap just to get a good position in school after the hell he went through. South Park High was something Eric swore he would drain out of his memory as soon as he walked out of those doors for the very last time. High school was full of crap he didn’t need, not to mention all of the headaches from puberty continuing to knock him around like a Dammit doll. Full of surprises came around the last four years – his illnesses occupying his attention, his bisexual awakening. These were things that Eric didn’t expect even slightly when he was younger, but he was going to have to learn to deal with both. This included the fact that the last time Eric had Kyle in his mind, it was with his sheets covered in sweat and his body on fire. Wet dreams were a constant the last couple of years, and even though he hated to admit it, Kyle occupied a large percentages of those.
He figured that it was bound to happen. Developing feelings for Kyle was the one thing that Eric was determined never to do, even after all of the teasing and deliberate schemes regarding pretending he was gay for Kyle in elementary school. However, it really came back to bite him in the ass. Kyle would come out as gay when they were late in their middle school years, and as soon as the words came out of Kyle’s mouth, Eric knew he was fucked. He felt his heart beat faster and his palms got sweaty when Kyle confessed to their friend group, looking almost directly towards him like he was looking for something inside of Eric. Eric wondered if Kyle wanted something to happen between the two of them, sexual tension that just got worse instead of just going away, but there was nothing he could do. After they graduated, Kyle was going to be studying for law school, and Eric? He hoped he could find a decent place to live without dying and withering away with the maggots of thoughts that were going to inevitably eat away at him.
A pair of headlights came out from behind him and Eric was surprised that Kyle made it after twenty minutes of driving. Kyle must have sped in order to get here that fast, and after Eric grabbed his stuff and his keys, he met Kyle outside. The redhead was wearing pajama pants and a hoodie and two black slippers. Eric would have laughed but he saved it for another time. “How fast were you even going to get here? The Jew wasn’t afraid of getting pulled over?”
“You act like I never speed in my life.” Kyle remarked, looking Eric in the face. The brunette felt his cheeks warm up, not grateful that the two of them were around the same height and one of them couldn’t stare down the other anymore. “I went ahead and called 911 while I was driving down here so they could tow your truck.”
“Uh, thanks.” Eric said uneasily, and the two of them climbed into Kyle’s car in silence. He fastened his seatbelt and stared at the tuck as Kyle pulled away and got onto the road. Continuously the trees passed, and Eric’s nose was filled with the scent of freshener. The eco-friendly vehicle used to be Sheila’s but after a while she gave it to Kyle while she got something else. Eric didn’t remember what it was because he honestly hated Kyle’s mom and tried not to think about her as much as possible.
“How did you manage to get stuck here at midnight? It’s literally the middle of nowhere.” Kyle mentioned while Eric stared out of the window. Eric turned a little and made a movement like he wanted to turn the radio on but Kyle swatted at his hand. “I was coming back from a session.” He replied. Eric knew that Kyle was aware that he saw a therapist, but he typically never bothered him about it because it wasn’t any of his business, and Eric wouldn’t have told him too much it, regardless. Kyle hummed in understanding, turning left. “Why would you need to go to a session so late at night, though?”
“My session ended a few hours ago but I grabbed food and then left out of there. My gas had been low since I left my house this afternoon but I figured I could make it.” Eric smirked to himself and laughed. “I mean, it’s not like this happens to me all of the time.”
“Well, you automatically assuming is something you do constantly.” Kyle said, and whole Eric glared, he caught the other boy make a small smile. “I’m just saying.”
“Gas is fucking expensive and unfortunately I don’t have my parents’ money to help me with everything that I could need.” Eric remarked. He could feel the anger come off Kyle after he said that.
“Oh, please Cartman. They don’t help me with everything, plus between the two of us, which one of us has a job?”
“I do.” They said simultaneously, and Kyle scoffed.
“Whatever, fatass, you just sell shit you find on eBay to make money and that’s literally all you do!”
“Better than being a fucking retail sales associate for Banana Republic!” Eric said. He felt that acceleration that was common when they were younger in his flesh and bones – the rivalry that led him to come to his own passionate understanding of his feelings.
“Banana is a good company to work for, they have several benefits and...Wait, that’s not the point. The point is you need to get a job and not point your fingers at people that actually have one.” Kyle sighed as he reached to change the temperature, causing Eric to feel confused why he didn’t just let him change it earlier. The car grew a little warmer and Eric could start to see some of the familiar trees and signs that would soon lead them into town. They continued talking for a good ten minutes, but if it wasn’t for that, Eric would stare out of the window and be content with the silence provided.
“Why did I even come get you?” Kyle asked as they dived into another argument regarding whether or not you would die if you jumped off a cruise ship on the side. Eric didn’t think too much about the fact that they would argue about everything and anything. He wanted to keep this feeling alive for as long as possible before he would never see him again.
“Because you would have felt guilty otherwise and even though you don’t admit it, you wouldn’t want me to die from frostbite in treacherous Colorado weather, Kahl.” Eric dragged out Kyle’s name as he used to, and the fact that Kyle didn’t argue against that made Eric vulnerable for a second. He knew he fucked up, but he only licked his lips and allowed the silence to stick around. Kyle didn’t realize the power of his words that could ever break Eric, or raise him up higher than he had ever been in his life. That was one of the most tragic things, Eric realized. Kyle’s words ran deeper than any of the words any doctor could give to Eric.
Eventually, a South Park sign came around. They would be in town in five miles, and Kyle started speeding on a street otherwise vacant of cars and people. There was nothing but black and yellow lines in front of them. In a few minutes Kyle would drive by Eric’s house, where he would walk inside to find nobody home. Liane would be working, and Mr. Kitty had been gone since Eric’s eighth grade year. Eric would just walk into his room, turn out the light and sleep, as he always had, and force to deal with every thought in his head. The fact that he would have to do it once again made him sick to his stomach. He didn’t that. He turned towards the clock in the car and noticed it was already almost two in the morning. The two of them had been driving for another half hour and just talking, sharing a comfortable silence for all this time. Eric looked at Kyle who was drumming his own fingers against the wheel. He looked so concentrated, Eric wanted to lean over and make him unfocused, mess him up the way he wanted to. When Kyle realized Eric was starting at him, he looked back from the corner of his eye.
“Cartman?”
“I’m going to ask you if you want to do something.” Eric said, and Kyle didn’t respond. “I was wondering if you’d want to go to Stark’s pond for a little bit.”
“Why?” Kyle asked, and memories of another time they went there together surfaced in his memory. He grimaced at the idea of Eric carrying a baseball bat with him in secrecy. “I don’t know, it’s already almost two and I have to get up early in the morning.”
“It would just be for a little while. If you didn’t go with me I would go by myself and I honestly don’t want to go alone.” Eric tried to convince Kyle to go with him. He knew he wouldn’t even go if Kyle didn’t say yes, but he needed some kind of bait. The redhead didn’t answer for a few seconds, but he sighed eventually. “If we go…we can’t be there for too long. Thirty minutes, tops.” Eric smiled in response and nodded. He didn’t care how long they were going to be there, he just knew that he didn’t want to be alone, and he had a feeling that Kyle felt the same. They drove into past South Park and straight to Stark’s Pond, where Kyle parked on the side. Eric watched as Kyle went to the trunk of his car and pulled out a large blanket from the back. Eric sent Kyle a confused glance, and the redhead laughed. “In case we stay for longer than anticipated?”
The two of them walked around the pond and laughed with how dark it looked even with the reflection from the moon. Eric picked up a small stone and tried skipping it but it went straight into the water. When Kyle attempted, it made its way across and Eric snorted. “Of course when you try it does what you want it to do.” Kyle laughed and shook his head. “You should just accept that some people are better at some things than you are.” “The day that I accept that is the day I die, Jew.” Eric replied. They continued bickering as they picked up more rocks and tried skipping them. Eric managed to get one to skip twice in a row and Kyle clapped, but Eric just glared back.
“I hardly ever come here anymore.” Kyle said as they walked around the other side of the pond. They listened to the crickets in the marsh and Kyle tried not to get too much mud on his slippers. “Stan and I used to come here all of the time when we got to high school. We’d play football or even sit on the bench and do homework.” Kyle laughed to himself. “It was kind of funny how often we’d come here.”
“You and the hippie don’t bother with this place anymore?” Eric asked, and Kyle sighed. He dug his hands into his hoodie uncomfortably.
“I haven’t hung out with Stan that much this year. I mean, you know, I haven’t really spent time with any of you guys since I joined the Honors Society or the student community. It’s kind of a strain on our friendship because of how much time I spent with schoolwork and wanting to get into a decent school.”
“Stan didn’t just break apart from you.” Eric muttered. It was true that he was still friends with Stan but he knew that if he were to start talking to him again it would feel awkward. Sometimes friends separated even if they didn’t anticipate it, or they broke apart without realizing. Eric wondered if Kyle just came to that conclusion recently. He wondered how he fit into Kyle’s list of priorities, but he wouldn’t ask – he knew the answer would disappoint him.
“Well, I know that. But it doesn’t change the fact that Stan was my best friend. Now I’m not really sure anymore.” Kyle stopped walking and looked up.
His eyes widened and he smiled.
“Cartman, look at the stars. It looks so pretty, and there are no clouds!” Kyle grabbed Eric by the wrist and directed him to where they parked on the other side of the pond. The brunette said nothing but swallowed his spit, unaware with how he’d react to a slight movement of intimacy. Once they reached where Kyle took out the blanket, they laid it down on a patch of grass.
Eric watched as Kyle sat down on the edge and patted for the other to join him, smiling. “Sit down, Cartman.”
Once the two of them were laying down, Kyle pointed to a trio of stars to the right of them. “Do you know what those make up?”
“Uh, no.” Eric answered truthfully. He didn’t think too much about stars and constellations, but he did see the three stars Kyle was referring to lined up above him. Kyle scooted closer to Eric so that it would be easier for him to see where Kyle was pointing, but when Kyle’s arm rubbed against his own, he bit his lower lip. He refused to make any sound or love the pine scent that came off of Kyle’s hoodie.
“Those three stars make the Orion belt. It was one of the first group of stars that I studied about when I got into astronomy years ago. They’re a part of the Orion constellation and they are also called the ‘Three Sisters.’.”
Eric had always been interested in photography and he had the sudden thought of what it would be like if he could take pictures of all of the stars and make a map on his own wall. He smiled to himself. He listened as Kyle continued talking about Orion before going off on other tangents with other constellation. He would point each one out individually, telling Cartman that before he was interested in going into law that he wanted to study the stars for a profession. Eric asked him why he changed his mind, and Kyle said he wasn’t sure.
“I guess I will always have a passion for space,” Kyle would say.
“Just because you’re doing one thing doesn’t mean you need to give up something else entirely.” Eric said, and Kyle looked at him for a few seconds before nodding.
“You’re right.”
Eric laughed, putting both of his hands behind his head and staring at those three initial stars again. “Never imagined you saying those words in your life.”
“Well, I said them now, and that’s all that matters. It may just the only time you hear those words leave my mouth.”
Eric scoffed a Kyle said this, deep down imaging a different set of words leaving thoe lips instead that would leave Eric speechless for the rest of his life. He wondered if he really hated the other boy when he watched how Kyle would talk about things so passionately and realize he was deeper in love than he could have ever imaged. Things that didn’t interest him before just made sense when Kyle talked about them: the stars, the constellations that would dance together in the sky. Eric wondered what kind of constellation he and Kyle could make. Would people talk about it for the rest of their lives? Would they point up towards the sky and marvel at the two stars so close to one another but separate enough that they would line up and form a kind of bond?
“It’s getting pretty gold out here.” Kyle sat up and brought his knees into his chest. He stared at the sky and Eric watched the curls near his face move with the breeze.
“Did you want to head back?” Eric asked, and Kyle looked towards him.
“Did you?”
“I don’t really care. Liane’s not going to be home anyways.” Eric said. Kyle lowered his eyebrows in concern.
“You can come over to my house tonight, if you want. Mom and Ike are home but they’re asleep and they won’t hear you come in if we walk in quietly.”
Eric looked at Kyle with a surprised look on his face but he nodded regardless. “Uh, yeah, if it’s okay with you.” He couldn’t believe how soft his voice sounded. Why did he seem bashful all of a sudden?
Kyle laughed as if he recognized this. “Why would I invite you if it wouldn’t be alright?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I have to double check with people.” Eric responded. Kyle just stared at Eric for a minute before he stood up and brushed off any pants on his pajama pants. “Well, we can go ahead and start heading to my house if you want. Would you mind picking up the blanket?”
Eric put the blanket back in the trunk of Kyle’s car, where he wasn’t surprising it was completely clean otherwise. When he got back into the car, Kyle started the car and turned the air on. It was cold outside so it was much needed but Eric didn’t mind the cooler weather. He had learned to adapt to it, after all.
“This was nice.” Kyle said, and it was almost random. He hadn’t started driving yet even though his hands were on the wheel, and Eric turned to the side. “Yeah, this was a good idea – one of many good ones from me, might I add.”
Kyle chuckled and smiled widely. Eric didn’t realize that he was leaning in until their faces were closer than any other time that night. He was shaking, those green eyes so close to his own. “I guess if you actually put your mind to it, you have some good ideas.”
“I come up with the best ideas.” Eric whispered. He realized he was staring at Kyle’s lips, slightly separated. He wanted to lean in to finish what he was hoping Kyle was trying to start but he couldn’t imagine the disgust if Kyle wasn’t going in for the same thing he wanted.
“Then I should come up with one of my own.” Kyle took both of his hands and placed them on Eric’s face, bringing it closer to his own. He kissed Eric, sliding his top lip in between Eric’s pair, while the other boy sat, shocked. He could hardly correlate what was happening, but he got into the groove of things and kissed back. Eric put his hands in Kyle’s curls, and Kyle’s green hat fell onto the floor of the car. If it were up to Eric would have pulled Kyle into his lap but he still felt like it was too fast to do anything, he just wanted to keep it simple even if he wouldn’t mind it being rougher. Kyle started trailing down his neck and Eric chuckled.
“I would say that idea was very much needed.” He said, and Kyle grinned against the flesh of Eric’s neck and he pressed open-mouthed kissing against it. He hummed against Eric’s collarbone, underneath the shirt he was wearing, before coming back up to his lips again. They kissed for a few more minutes before Kyle rested his head against Eric’s.
“This may sound weird but I actually…wanted to do that since freshman year.” Kyle said, chuckling. Eric raised his eyebrows.
“Wow. That’s pretty gay…but same.” Eric kissed Kyle and they both started laughing.
They kissed for a while longer, Eric eventually bringing Kyle closer to his body, their hands touching everywhere they could find. Eric was sure there were going to marks on his neck tomorrow and Sheila would notice the same on her own son’s skin, but Eric only cared about getting home into Kyle’s bed, where they would sleep together in one another’s arms, and where Eric would never have to travel alone in the midst of a Colorado winter night, ever again.