Work Text:
Heavy bags weigh down on Ryland’s wrists as he struggles with the lock to his brother's apartment, hands a little unsteady with embarrassingly giddy excitement. Due to the end of quarter tests for his 8th graders, Ryland has been stuck in San Francisco, cramming his weekends with study guide prep and plenty of grading to ensure his students were as prepared as ever to finish out the first quarter and start on track after break. On top of the teacher meetings and a faculty social (and its prep)- Ryland had been completely overtaken with the past month of school.
But now, it was finally Fall break, and Sunday, which meant it was time to reinstate Ryland and Colton’s weekly movie/tv marathon, which was really just an excuse to hang out all day and catch up. Between both of their busy schedules, the past two movie-Sunday’s were skipped, and they had a lot to catch up on. A certain mention being an interesting interaction Ryland had had with a Miss Eva Stratt regarding something with his grad paper (that ostracized him from his field before he ever really even started). There was a lot regarding that conversation, actually, that Ryland really needed to talk over with his brother- and a lot about the state of the world, too.
Ever since this whole Astrophage crisis had been announced on any and every news station or social media platform, Ryland had found himself wanting someone to talk to about it. Someone other than his coworkers or students. Someone he trusted.
Colt’s apartment was cozily messy, like usual. Some blankets splayed out in the living room, a clutter of cereal boxes, chip bags, and a loaf of bread lined up on the kitchen counter due to lack of cabinet space, blinds already drawn up from windows to let in some morning light. And.. a handful of empty beer bottles on Colt’s kitchen table, as well as an empty pizza box and deck of cards abandoned in a messy pile. Ryland frowns in thought. Colt was never big on drinking alone, maybe he had a few friends over?
Ryland checks his watch after setting the grocery bags on the counter. Inside were ingredients to make biscuits and gravy, as well as a carton of orange juice. He begins to unpack the bags quietly, deciding to go and wake his brother after he gets the cold stuff put away. Similarly to how he’d start most mornings where Colt would host.
Always a late sleeper, Colt had grown used to Ryland making himself at home and letting himself in when Colt was asleep, gone, or otherwise occupied. It’d never been a problem, and vice versa. So, Ryland went about the morning as usual, thinking nothing more of it.
After putting the last of the groceries away, Ryland crumples up the grocery bags to stick in Colt’s usual ‘clump of grocery bags’-spot, but as he stands, he’s startled to see a woman standing in the entryway. They both yelp, Ryland whipping back around to cover his eyes, and the woman disappearing back into the hallway, only wearing a shirt thankfully long enough to come just past her thighs.
“Sorry, sorry!” He rushes out, shaking his head and slipping his hands under his glasses. Footsteps rush into the room and Ryland hears his brother sigh with a curse.
“Jesus, Ryland. What the hell?” Ryland turns around to see Colt run a hand down his face, the other hand on his bare waist. Ryland chuckles nervously as he turns around, cringing as he peeks past his glasses.
“Sorry, man. Didn’t realize you had company,” Ryland stuffs the bags where he initially meant to after fixing his glasses. He stands back straight, walking towards Colt, but.. he looks off.
“Why are you here?” Colt shakes his head, brows furrowed and eyes sleepy. From his demeanor and breath alone, Ryland can tell Colt is hungover, capital ‘H’.
“It’s Sunday, and we were finally both free, remember?” Ryland pops a brow, leaning his hands against the kitchen island. Colt looks around, almost confused. “You remember it’s Sunday, right? Jeez, how much did you drink last night?” Ryland scoffs a lighthearted laugh.
“Yeah, I remember it’s Sunday,” Colt bites back, looking over his shoulder and down the hall, he sighs heavily again.
“Colt? Everything okay?” Ryland squints, pushing off the counter and looking over his brother. If Ryland didn’t know any better, he’d say Colt was mad.
Colt rolls his eyes, looking back at Ryland. “Look, man. I know we usually have our Sunday ‘day’s’, or whatever.” Colt uses air quotes and it.. hurts. “But it’s been a while since it’s been consistent, and we’re both always so busy, I just figured we were gonna let it fizzle out,” Colt shrugs, face serious. “You can’t keep just walking in here unannounced and hanging out- freaking out my guests,” he gestures heavily towards his room.
“I wasn’t unannounced. We called last week and talked about it,” Ryland shook his head, voice quieter than he meant. His throat started to feel dry, too.
“You talked about it, but I didn’t agree to anything.”
There’s a pause and Ryland holds onto it, trying to swallow back the crawl of nausea up his throat. Where the heck was all of this coming from?
Colt dips his head down to scratch his brow, eyes wide as he pulls in a deep breath before continuing. “I have a life here. We don’t live together anymore, Ry.” Ouch. “I enjoy our Sunday-day’s, I do, but I have other priorities now,” he drops both hands by his sides in a meager shrug, shaking his head at Ryland. His eyes are a little softer than they were a minute ago, but Ryland is too busy focussing on the glint of annoyance to register anything else. Ryland hadn’t realized he’d grown into a burden for his brother. He never wanted that, he just thought-
“I mean, I’m sure you have your own shit too,” Colt offers. “You’ve been so busy the past few weeks, anyways.” Was this Ryland’s fault? Did he spark a disinterest for Colt to flame? Ryland should’ve made time for Colt, regardless of his mess of other responsibilities. He feels like he’s pushed Colt away. He can only stand there, frozen, hoping beyond hope that he can keep the stinging in his eyes under wraps.
“Ry?” Colt steps forward with another slow sigh. Ryland clears his throat, shaking his head and forcing on a smile.
“Right, sorry,” he sniffles, tears staying put but voice ready to betray him. He waves Colt off and takes a few steps back. “I’m sorry. I’ll just go. You’re right.” Ryland knew he was clingy, he just had a hard time doing anything to tame it. It’d only been him and Colt after the mess with their brother getting arrested and getting thrown into foster care. They’d both always been a little codependent with each other, but Colt started to grow out of that after college a little. Ryland just never wanted to catch up. And it really was just a little, right?
“I’m sorry, tell-,” Ryland makes his way to the front door, avoiding Colt’s eyes, when he realizes he has no clue who that woman’s name was. “Tell your friend I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak her out, I just- just..” he starts to ramble, but snaps his jaw shut with another placating smile. “Sorry, Colt. I’ll just go,” he spins to the door, opening and closing it before he can make out whatever else Colt is trying to say to him on his way out.
Ryland paces, hurrying down the steps and along the concrete sidewalk, not stopping until he makes it far enough to not be seen from Colt’s apartment before slinking down a nearby alley and letting the embarrassment wash over him in waves.
He really hadn’t meant to be too much on Colt. He never wanted that. But now that the seed is planted, he’s recognizing how reliant he’s been on his brother his whole life. Especially as of late. Colt did have his own life, Ryland knew that, he just never thought that he wouldn’t be a part of it, too.
Ryland doesn’t like to think about his life with less of Colt, it’d already been too little this past month! Rare phone calls, no visits, zero personal updates.
But maybe Ryland needed to find a life of his own, too, outside of school and his (two) friendships.
Maybe Ryland would take up Eva Stratt on that offer, and give his brother some space in the meantime.