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Thad Thawne was dangerous. There wasn't any other way to put it. He was created to destroy Bart Allen, and he was so, incredibly close to succeeding.
He was already running Max Mercury closer the Speed Force, and had trapped Bart back in the VR he was raised in. Thad just needed to go through with killing Max, then he could finally, finally achieve his ultimate goal. He could finally kill Bart Allen.
Yet, something was incredibly wrong.
As Thad was running he came to a few very distinct realizations at once, ones that he was afraid to admit even to himself.
Thad liked having friends, even if he found Bart's friends extremely annoying, they liked being around him, and he didn't mind their company sometimes. He liked doing schoolwork, it was slow and monotonous, but it was consistent. He liked having a dog, Ivan, that he could give treats to and pet. Even if it was just because of the bribes, the dog had slowly grown used to him, and got excited when he was around. And maybe most distressing of all, he liked being around Max and Helen. They actually cared for him, they praised him when he did things right, and Max hugged him and said he was proud of him.
However, none of these things changed the fact that it wasn't Thad they wanted and cared for. They may say nice things to him while he was pretending to be someone else, but that still didn't change that he was pretending. He would never be as cared for by these people as Bart was. He was simply a hare pretending to be a rabbit. He would always be different, he was never meant to fit into this kind of life in the first place.
And, Thad truly thought he was fine with that. He didn't want to be around Bart, he hated him with every fiber of his being. But that didn't stop him from wondering. Would it be so bad to keep pretending to be Bart forever? Stay in a role that never quite fit, because as long as he remained in that role he was loved. As long as Bart stayed in VR, Thad could do it. He had everyone fooled, and the longer he kept up the act the easier it was.
But none of that could ever happen. The crux of Thad's decision was made the moment he brought Max towards the Speed Force. This was exactly how he planned to kill him. He could play it off as an accident if he wanted to keep living as Bart, sure, but his little fantasy of taking over the life Bart led would be shattered.
Then Thad did about the dumbest thing he could have done. Max kept telling him how much he loved him as he was running further into the Speed Force. Kept telling him how proud he was. Kept calling him Bart. Thad couldn't take it anymore. Every time Max called him Bart, he was just reminded that this wasn't his. The love and care Max had for Bart wasn't his to keep. Even if it felt right, even if he slowly had come to realize it was everything he had ever wanted, it would always be out of reach.
So he broke, he told Max he wasn't Bart. He told Max his plans to kill Bart. The look of horror that passed over Max's face wasn't the comfort Thad thought it would be, but it didn't matter. Thad was smarter, and faster, and stronger than the boy he was imitating, he didn't need to be loved, he was already better in every way.
That was, until Max actually called him by his name. Not Inertia, not Bart, but Thad. Max started talking about the hero he became while impersonating Bart, the potential he had for good. And distantly, it almost sounded like he cared for Thad, not just who he was pretending to be, but who he could be.
Max offered him a permanent place to stay, where he could keep trying to do good. And Thad would never admit this out loud, but that scared him. He didn't know the first thing about being good, it was something Bart had always been better than him at. So, he responded the only way he knew how, he rejected the offer and continued in his ploy to kill Max.
Bart showed up in the nick of time to stop him, and they fell into their familiar song and dance. This was something Thad was conformable with. He knew he could defeat Bart in a one on one fight, and he didn't have to pretend to be something he wasn't or try to 'improve' at anything. He could just pin Bart below him and threaten to take his life. It felt good, familiar.
That was until Bart looked at Max. Thad's hand was raised above Bart, ready to kill him, and he looked at Max. Instead of trying to escape Bart reached out to what anyone else would consider a lost cause.
Bart proceeded to desperately, call out to Max, "Max!?! Omigod! NO!! Fight it! Gimme your hand!!"
Thad's scowl deepened. None of what Bart was doing made sense. He was just laying there, defenseless. Thad tried to hit him across the face to get his attention, but he didn't even look up, "Hey, stupid… stay with me here. I'm about to decapitate you, and all you can think about is that old man?!"
Bart wasn't even the one who responded, instead Max replied, in a voice that was slowly dwindling from exertion, "Bart, careful! He's going to—"
Thad was getting tired of this, he tried to repeat himself, "I said—"
Bart almost immediately interrupted him, "Got you Max! I got you! Don't let go!" he took a breath, "I won't let you go."
Something about this entire exchange wasn't clicking for Thad. Here he was, about to go for the kill shot, and Bart was worried about an already dying man. Bart and Max's hands were clasped together like it was their last sustaining life force, when it would be the exact thing that would kill both of them.
Thad mumbled out a, "What is this…" as he squinted his eyes further in confusion.
For the first time in a while, Bart looked at him. His piercing yellow eyes meeting Thad's own, and Bart's goggles reflecting his own face back at himself. His normal wide eyed innocent expression had a hint of something Thad wasn't familiar with, he looked like he felt sorry for Thad.
"What is this?" Bart's voice rose, as if repeating a question and paused for far too long for a speedster, "You… you really don't get it do you?"
Bart stared at him for too long of a second, the blood from his nose slowly trickling down his face, and staining the skin beneath it with a red tint, "I… I love him. I'd die for him, or with him. That's what you do… how you feel when you love someone. Haven't you ever felt that way about someone?"
Thad's eyes stung as he continued to stare at Bart and slowly back away from where he was before. He had the kill shot in sight! He should be finally doing exactly what he was called to do.
"Hasn't anyone ever felt that way about you?"
Thad felt stuck. The terrible sympathy that continued to play across Bart's face haunted him. And for a brief moment, he entertained the idea of being loved like that. It didn't make any sense. He didn't know what to say except a distant, "no…" that didn't even feel like it was coming from him.
He slowly drew further back from Bart and Max, everything around them felt like standing too close to an open flame. Everything up until this point, everything he had worked for, everything he had been created for, was a miserable lie.
He would never actually be able to have the love that everyone in Bart's life had showed him when he was pretending to be Bart for his own. It would always be out of reach, meant for someone else.
Thad screamed, he didn't even really know what he was saying, he couldn't think clearly. It was something along the lines of, "You lied to me! I hate you all!" but it all felt so distant. Time was speeding up and slowing down all at once and all he could think about was that stupid, sympathetic look plastered across Bart's face. Thad's entire life was completely worthless, and he got in return was a look.
It wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough. Thad didn't want sympathy or compassion, but he wanted, more than anything, for someone to understand.
That would never happen.
In what Thad would describe as anger, because he didn't feel grief, he couldn't feel grief, he ran. He didn't have anywhere to run to, nowhere would understand, but he ran anyways. And maybe he intended it, maybe he didn't, but he ended up running directly into the Speed Force.
An all powerful force that wouldn't feel sympathy for him, because it couldn't feel, that welcomed him with open arms. And for a few short moments, nothing else mattered.
It hurt at first, sure, change always hurt, but an overwhelming understanding that he wasn't anymore overtook him, and it was all over. All the pain, all the suffering, it was gone, there was just understanding. He wasn't just him anymore.
Thad Thawne was dangerous. There wasn't any other way to put it. He was created to destroy Bart Allen, and he was so, incredibly close to succeeding.
He was bringing Max closer to the Speed Force under the guise of healing him, to kill him, and he had already trapped Bart in VR. His plan was so close to coming to fruition.
Yet, he had the strange sense that it wouldn't. His plan was flawless of course, all his plans were, but it was just an intrinsic feeling. Like he had done this all before and knew what the outcome would be without actually having to live it.
It was a feeling he should be ignoring, all of his work had boiled down to this exact moment. Pretending to be Bart Allen for far too long and attempting to maintain all of his relationships exactly as he would was exhausting, but for some odd reason he just couldn't shake it.
Max was talking about something, something Thad should really be listening to. Max sounded near tears, he kept going on about how much Bart had improved in the last couple of days, the days that Thad was pretending to be him. Thad really should feel angry about this. Bart was getting all the credit for what he had painstakingly poured his time and energy into. But it all felt too familiar to be mad about, like he had experienced this a hundred times over already.
It probably would help to be distant anyways. He almost, almost, found himself caring for Max, and if it didn't feel like he was just going through the motions he didn't know if he could actually go through with this.
Max was staring at Thad like he expected him to respond. Thad didn't notice until far too late. The look of hope and contentment on Max's face had slowly shifted to confusion.
"Bart? Are you ok? You seem even more distracted than usual?"
Thad stopped running and blinked at Max a few times, his facade falling for just a moment too long. It was a mistake he wouldn't have made in any normal circumstance.
"Bart?" confusion continued to grow across Max's face, before a sudden realization hit him. Thad couldn't find it in himself to speak, he knew exact what was going to happen, he somehow knew the exact realization Max had come to.
Before Max could speak again, Thad killed him. Simple as that. He had an entire speech planned, he has been waiting for this for so long, the actual event felt anti climatic. Thad simply vibrated his hand straight through Max's heart, killing him.
He didn't feel bad about it, it's what he had been training for his entire life, it's what he was made to do. And the way that Max's body went ridged in his arms as he plunged his hand in, the way it went completely limp after, and the way he gasped in shock and looked at Thad, not with fear or trepidation, but with a knowing sympathy, didn't bother him. Not one bit. This was what he was made to do.
Bart was still trapped in VR, and Max was dead. Thad had completed his goal. He didn't know why it didn't make him feel any better, he always thought it would, but that was fine. The sense of accomplishment would come with time, he was sure of it.
He stared at Max's body for far too long. Every detail was burned into his eyelids whenever he blinked. Even when he looked away he still saw it, Max's bony, sickly frame matched with his unblinking eyes. The look of shock permanently stuck to his face.
Thad didn't notice shuffling behind him. He didn't notice a gasp from an all to familiar voice and a muffled sob. He only noticed Bart, the real one, not him the hare disguised as a rabbit, when he ran up to Max and grabbed him. Tears clouded Bart's googles as he cradled Max in his arms and sobbed over the only mentor figure he had ever known.
Thad expected Bart to scream, yell, do something. React in some way Thad knew how to handle, knew how to combat. Bart didn't do that.
Thad stood there and watched uselessly. He had done this. Really, he should be killing Bart right now too. His entire plan to trap him in VR had clearly failed. But he didn't kill him. For some odd reason he couldn't bring himself to do it.
It took Bart a while, longer than Thad was expecting, for him to actually look at Thad. Thad was standing there like a slack-jawed idiot, while Bart looked at him with the closest thing to hatred Thad had ever seen written across Bart's face.
Some might call it the easy way out, and it sure as hell wasn't what Thad was supposed to do, but he ran straight into the Speed Force. He knew theoretically he would be town apart, he would be facing certain death, but it was better than whatever he might have had to face with Bart.
In an all too familiar fashion, one that Thad still didn't why it was so familiar, he ran straight in. Before he could hear anything Bart had to say, before he had to deal with the consequences for his actions, he was already gone. Thad had returned to the all knowing, all encompassing peace that felt so familiar.
Thad Thawne was dangerous. He was created to do one job, and one job alone, kill Bart Allen.
For some strange reason he had failed.
He had taken all the necessary steps, he had taken Max Mercury into the Speed Force, he pretended to be Bart, he even trapped Bart in VR, but it hadn't been enough. He had still failed. He hesitated at the wrong moment.
If Thad had to guess why he was here again, back at the beginning, it would probably have something to do with that, the fact he had failed. The Speed Force itself was punishing him.
This was the third time now, and Thad knew what he had to do. He hadn't realized he was in a loop the previous times, but he knew now. The only way for him to get out of this was to kill Bart, to complete the one thing he was created for.
He was carrying Max further into the Speed Force, and Max was talking like he had the last two times. Thad knew what was coming, he was counting on that moment that his stomach dropped when he was reminded Thad wasn't the one the speech was really meant for. Thad wondered if it would even be worth it to reveal himself to Max this time. It would probably be smarter to just throw him into the Speed Force, let it take care of Max so Thad could wait for Bart to appear.
For some odd reason it felt wrong to do that. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Max's all to still form from the last loop was burned into his eyes, but Thad just couldn't do it again. It was weird, looking at someone who he had watched die, who he had killed, acting so alive again. Max wasn't doing well, he hadn't been for a while, but he had been talking like everything was normal. Which Thad supposed it was, Max had never died in this loop, he hadn't yet been faced with the horrific understanding that it was Thad with him, not Bart.
He made the choice to not tell Max who he really was. It would make the whole thing easier. Max was giving him strange looks again, like he was expecting him to respond, and he knew he was at the exact moment he had killed Max the last loop. Thad couldn't look at his face without seeing the dead eyes of the last loop staring back at him.
This wasn't supposed to affect him. He couldn't keep repeating the same points that he was created to do this exact thing anymore, because it was true but it didn't feel like it should be. He saw what he could have had if he lived a normal life, Bart's life, and he wanted it so badly. If there was really no other ending but for him to kill Bart and Max, or die, why was he so terrified. Why did it not feel natural.
Bart appeared, the same as he had the last two loops, but Thad hadn't revealed his identity beforehand. There was a familiar anger that filled him when he saw Bart, it was comfortable. Bart was the only one stopping Thad from being able to have that 'love' Bart went on a tangent about in the first loop. It was all his fault.
That didn't stop the betrayal in Max's eyes from affecting him. The exact same betrayal that he had seen in the last loop.
"Inertia! Stop!" Bart yelled as he ran towards Thad. Thad should have already dropped Max, he should have seen Bart coming from a mile away, but he didn't, he was distracted again.
Thad dropped Max and moved to face Bart directly. He heard Max say something, but he couldn't quite make it out. It didn't matter anyways, not the gentle tone of voice Max was using, the wide eyed stare Bart was giving him, the sickening thud as Max hit the ground, his body far too frail to absorb the impact, none of it. Thad had a job to do, and he was going to get out of this time loop.
Thad heard his own laughter ring through his ears without really intending it. This was finally something that could feel normal. The back and forth as he leapt towards Bart was normal. Pinning Bart down, was normal.
Bart didn't react how he should be reacting. He didn't fight back. He just kept staring at where Thad had dropped Max.
"Fight back you idiot!" Thad just about yelled at Bart. He didn't respond.
Thad followed Bart's eyes to where Max was laying.
Oh.
Oh.
Max was unconscious at best.
Thad couldn't— He just couldn't face this again. He stumbled back.
He had a job to do. He needed to kill Bart. He needed to get out of the loop.
Max laid there, his arm pinned behind his back unnaturally, blood trickling slowly from his mouth, and his eyes wide and unblinking. It wasn't like it would have taken much, Max was clearly taking the worst of whatever his lack of connection to the Speed Force was doing to him, but Thad hadn't expected—
Bart ran over to where Max was, and everything started to feel like a weird dream Thad had lived before, which he supposed he had lived this before. Bart's goggles fogged, and a muffled cry originated from him as he held Max.
Thad paid more attention this time. He studied Bart like he had so many times before, the only real difference was he wasn't looking for potential weaknesses anymore, he already knew them. The small way Bart's shoulders shook as he held Max close to his chest, the pitch that was far too quiet to be anything Bart would normally make, the helpless, "comeon, wake up"s.
It wasn't— this shouldn't be happening.
Thad backed away further. He really should have been looking where he was going, hindsight and all that, but he didn't. He backed up straight into the storm of the Speed Force.
An all to familiar bliss surrounded him, suddenly he was everything and nothing all at once. His individuality no longer his own. He no longer had to worry about the horrific scene he had caused, it was all over.
Thad Thawne was dangerous.
He was also starting to have doubts about that simple fact.
He was created for one job, and one alone, and he had failed at it multiple times over.
He was starting to come to terms with the idea he may not succeed. Thad would probably be stuck in this time loop forever. To make matters worse, he didn't really know if he wanted to succeed anymore. He had seen what death looked like, death caused by his own hands, and he didn't know if he had it in him to actually kill Bart.
If Thad couldn't kill Bart, he was a failure. Everything he had been training for would be for nothing.
He had experienced what it was like to be Bart Allen, to live his life, and Thad could almost say he missed it. Not all of it, of course, being Bart was far more trouble than it was worth, but enough of it to wonder if he could live some kind of life like it.
He failed twice more before the thought of telling Max he was in a time loop crossed his mind. The two loops were mostly uneventful, one of them he killed Max mostly by accident, again, and the other he almost did it. He almost killed Bart. He had him below him just like the first time with his hand shaking, but he faltered, and reset the timeline. He had so many chances, the Speed Force had given him so many chances to complete his only goal, and he faltered every time.
He couldn't ask Max for help as himself of course, Max wouldn't care if Thad was stuck, but he would care if Bart was stuck.
Thad skidded to a halt, Max hadn't started praising Thad's 'progress' thinking he was Bart yet. He still had time before the real Bart showed up.
"Max, I need your help," Thad didn't feel good asking Max for help, but it's what Bart would do, and he was still pretending to be Bart, wasn't he?
"Is something the matter Bart?" Max asked. His voice was weak, he was losing strength by the second. If Thad was any bit concerned about his well being he shouldn't be asking this at all. Which admittedly was a weird thought.
"I'm stuck in a time loop. I can't do what I need to do to get out," Thad spoke faster than his normal slower calculated pace. He needed to finish this conversation before the real Bart showed up and ruined his chances of getting any kind of assistance.
Max thought for a moment, "That's not usually how time loops work. Are you sure you aren't repeating an action?" before Thad could respond Max's voice dropped a little lower, "Are you sure you haven't seen anyone? When Barry got stuck in a time loop it was Professor Zoom's doing. You haven't seen Inertia anywhere have you?"
Thad swallowed. Someone else's doing? He hadn't repeated any action that might have set off the time loop, was it Bart's doing? Bart wouldn't do that, Thad hated Bart with every fiber of his body but even he knew that. Bart wasn't that petty.
"No, neither of those are happening," Thad paused, he couldn't give away too many details without revealing who he actually was, but he was stuck. He needed to get out desperately, he didn't know how many more loops he could realistically handle. His voice dropped a little lower, "I don't know what to do." A small amount of fear slipped through his voice as he spoke. Thad hated the way he sounded, how pathetic it was. He was trained to do this, he should have no problem just getting it over with.
Max looked at him in understanding. Something seemed to click and a soft, almost sad smile spread across his face, "Thad? It is Thad right?"
Thad stood there, paralyzed. This was far too reminiscent of the first loop. Max was looking at him with the same expectant unyielding care, something Thad was never supposed to see. He couldn't stop seeing the unmoving, dead eyes of the last few loops.
Max seemed to get his confirmation from Thad's lack of an answer, "How long have you been stuck in this loop Thad?"
Thad didn't have an answer for that either. Attempting to tell the truth hurt. He didn't even try, Bart would show up any time now then the loop would reset and he wouldn't have to deal with this mess. Yet Max just kept looking at him like he expected something more. Something that Thad could never give him.
He also had nothing to lose. If he was going to fail and reset the loop anyways… Thad looked away from Max as he spoke, "This is my fifth loop."
Max looked almost surprised that he responded.
Thad's ring signaled to him Bart was in the Speed Force as he finished speaking. He didn't have much time.
Max of course, didn't know this, he hadn't been through the loops over and over again the same way Thad had. He spoke with a certainty that Thad knew he wouldn't have if he knew what Thad had done, if he knew what he was capable of.
"You don't have to go onto the next loop, you can stay," Max hesitated, "we could leave the Speed Force together."
Thad bit the side of his mouth, hard. Maybe this whole time loop thing was making him lose it, because Max's offer sounded appealing. It sounded so, so appealing. He needed to ground himself and remember why he was here in the first place, what he was unable to do.
And if his timing was right—
Thad swung back and hit Bart in the face right as he appeared next to him. He didn't want to hurt Max this time, he couldn't take another sickening crunch or the look of his cold, dead eyes. So he didn't. He was finally going to complete what he came here to do. Thad was finally going to break the time loop.
Thad Thawne would finally kill Bart Allen.
He had done this song and dance before, and he was ready this time. Thad had Bart's movements memorized, not only was he faster and stronger, but he had experienced this exact battle so many times before.
It took half the time it normally took to pin Bart to the ground. Bart seemed confused, Thad was good at what he did sure, but it was too much even for him to just know Bart's every move.
He took the all too familiar stance, standing over Bart, with his hand ready to vibrate through his neck. Just like the last time they got to this point, Bart wasn't looking at him. Bart was reaching out behind him, to Max, leaving his entire neck exposed.
"Max!?! Omigod! NO!! Fight it! Gimme your hand!!"
The urge to run was all encompassing, Thad wanted to do nothing more than to run back into the Speed Force, repeat the loop all over again. He was so close to being successful, but with the nearing feeling of accomplishment a sense of fear popped up in his mind as well.
Bart made contact with Max's arm as he held on in a desperate attempt to avoid getting swept up by the swirling storm around them. Max didn't warn Bart that Thad was about to kill him this time, instead he looked at Thad, with a glance that knew far more than Thad was ever ready to share.
"Got you Max! I got you! Don't let go!" Bart took a breath, "I won't let you go."
Thad ignored whatever look Max was giving him, this was his chance to fulfill his destiny.
He smirked as he did it, a sick form of pleasure washed over him as his hand finally passed through and paused inside of Bart Allen's neck, fully severing not only his throat, but his spinal cord as well. This was it, this is what he was made for.
Bart didn't try to scream or get away as it happened, he just closed his eyes, the hard squint causing a few tears to break out of the corners of his eyes and pool at the bottom of his goggles, and gripped on to Max's hand all the tighter.
Then it was over, just as fast as it had started. Bart was dead. Bart was finally dead. Thad should be feeling better, he was finally done, he was finally free, but he didn't.
He looked down at the person who wore the same face as him, who now had an additional emptiness to his usual dumb wide-eyed stare. And it just didn't feel right. He finally had it, but nothing felt any different.
Thad's breathing was starting to come in short bursts. It didn't make any sense, why wasn't everything better now. He did what he was made to do. He would go back to CRAYDL and get— well he didn't know what reward he would get, but it would be something great he was sure, and he would be celebrated.
Thad's hands shook as he backed away from Bart again, in an all to familiar gesture. This wasn't supposed to be like the other loops. He won. He finally won.
He bit his tongue in an attempt to ground himself and looked at Max. He should have been swept into the raging storm around them by now. Taken into the Speed Force like Thad had been in so many of the previous loops. But he wasn't, he was still clutching Bart's hand like a life force. Clutching onto a hand that would never move again, and would eventually lead to him getting swept into the Speed Force.
Max looked at him, making a few moments of terrifyingly direct eye contact and just asked one simple question, "Is this what you really wanted Thad?"
Thad's entire body shook, he couldn't— he couldn't do this again. A trap of his own design had surrounded him and he had no way to escape. There were spikes and they were closing in and—
Thad ran back into the Speed Force. As he had done in so many loops before. The moment of pure bliss directly after the searing pain never came this time. It was just an unmatched agony as he felt everything and finally understood. He was no longer himself, and he was the Speed Force and it was him, and it didn't want him.
Thad Thawne was wishing for something he had never gotten the chance to experience. He was a hare that had tried desperately to be a rabbit, and found he wished he could actually be one. Yet the reality was, he would never be a rabbit, he was always destined to be a hare.
And more importantly, he was scared.
He had finally completed his one and only life goal, and it didn't work. He was still right back where he started carrying Max in his arms with Bart no where in sight. That must have ment the Max from the last loop was right, there was something else triggering the time loop. Thad would be stuck here, reliving his failures, over and over again for all eternity.
He was growing increasingly tired. There's only so much a person can take. Only so long he could see the person he was conditioned to hate over and over again before he started to lose his grip on reality. And maybe that was his fatal flaw.
If he knew the timeline was going to reset anyways, what purpose was there to try. He wasn't supposed to give up, he knew that, but the constant failure was painful. A person could only pretend to be someone, they could only see what they wanted in their own life so badly, so many times before they decided it just wasn't worth it anymore. And admittedly, Thad was at that point.
He had done it, he had killed Bart. He watched Bart look at him in shock and terror as he put his hand through his neck. He heard his scream and felt the bone and tendon sever. This was supposed to be everything Thad had ever wanted, his purpose.
He stared at Max in his arms, back on his familiar ramble about how much better Bart was doing since Thad took his place. How he was finally improving. And maybe Thad wanted that kind of praise for himself. Bart would break free from the VR he was trapped in and would show up to save Max, but Thad let himself imagine what would happen if he didn't, just for a moment.
He didn't want to say he enjoyed living Bart's life for the short time he did. Because he didn't. But the idea that someone could belong to something like that…
Thad wasn't slower than normal, he didn't slow down. He would always be faster than Bart. He was just caught off guard, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to realize his ring was notifying him Bart was already in the Speed Force.
He didn't realize his moment with Max had already came and went. He didn't notice the awkward silence that fell as Max attempted to get his attention by repeating Bart's name multiple times, before narrowing his eyes and realizing who Thad really was. He didn't hear the footsteps creep up behind him as Bart showed up.
Thad was only thrown out of his odd trance once Bart drove him to the ground. His own face reflected back at himself. Thad hadn't even had his moment to change into his Inertia costume yet. He was still in the white and red Bart wore.
He knew he should care more, but he had already completed his goal, it didn't work. There was no other point of continuing to pretend like this loop mattered. The timeline would reset itself again in due time, like it did every time, and he would be right back where he started.
Maybe next time he would just run back the way he came. Leave Max, and not even see Bart. Turning around and not looking back was probably how Thad was meant to get out of this loop in the first place. The Speed Force didn't want him the same way it wanted Bart. He was able to access it through pure skill, sure, but he didn't feel as drawn to it as other speedsters described. He was positive it was just looking for an excuse to spit him out back into the normal world.
"What are you planning Inertia?!" Bart spoke faster than normal, he was panicked. Anyone who had been in a fight before would know there's only one thing more dangerous than skill, and it was pure, adrenaline filled, panic. Someone who was acting on pure instinct was much harder to predict, and Thad had triggered that exact response in Bart by being there, a direct clone of him, without exposing who he really was. Thad had made himself register as more of a threat than he had previously been.
He needed to reset this loop. For the first time in a while he actually felt he was in direct danger.
Thad attempted to kick Bart off of him. He didn't succeed at anything but getting his leg caught at a weird angle under him.
Thad continued to struggle against him, and shouted, "Let me go!" He knew it wouldn't do anything, but he needed to do something. He couldn't just keep struggling uselessly.
Something clouded in Bart's eyes,"No! You'll hurt Max!"
Thad didn't know what to retort to that. He had killed Max in the past loops, Bart wasn't wrong. Thad just… didn't want to anymore. He wanted this all to end, and killing Bart or Max clearly wasn't going to end this.
A sharp pain shot through his leg. Thad screamed and looked down at it. It was bent at an angle that it really shouldn't be bent at. It wouldn't move. He couldn't move. He was trapped.
He wouldn't be able to reset the loop.
A feeling of deep rooted horror overtook Thad. He was trapped here and he didn't have a way out.
He couldn't reach his hand far enough to touch his ring with his opposing hand. He couldn't contact CRAYDL with a distress signal. He couldn't escape.
Sometimes, when an animal is caught in a glue trap, and knows it's going to die, it'll chew its own limbs off in hopes of survival. There are even records of animals clawing their own intestines out, ensuring their demise, with a hope that it'll let them live just a little bit longer.
Thad knew that threatening to kill Bart at this point, would ensure his own demise. He was at a disadvantage in almost every way possible. But if he could live just a little longer, if there was any chance of him resetting this loop, he would take it.
Bart wasn't surprised when Thad wrestled his hands free and started strangling him, a pure look of concentration playing across Thad's face. Who would be, Thad had threatened to kill him so many times before, hell, Thad had killed him. But desperation leads people to do things they wouldn't dream of otherwise, and Thad was, yet again, threatening Bart's life.
What Thad didn't expect was that Bart was willing to fight back. This wasn't the first fight he had been in, Bart had at least a semblance of a clue of what he was doing.
When knocking someone out, it depends very little in the force that is actually applied to the attack. Sure, the strike needs to have at least a small amount of force behind it, but speed matters far more. And speed was something Bart did have.
Thad should have been expecting a blow to the head, but he wasn't. He was concentrating too hard on finding some way out of here. He didn't even see Bart raise his hand, and even with his own speed, he couldn't stop Bart's hand in time.
A sharp, distinct pain bloomed across the side of his skull. If he had any more time, Thad would be incredibly worried about the potential brain damage.
That thought wasn't even able to cross his mind, before his vision swam, and quickly turned to black. Bart said something to Max before Thad was all the way out, but it wasn't anything he could make out.
He was falling, falling far far away from his own body, before there was nothingness. And he was out.
Light shined through the blinds that should be keeping it out, and Thad covered his face with his hand. It was all way too bright, and the brighter it was meant the sooner he would have to get up and spend another day pretending to be Bart. He couldn't wait for the day his plan was completed. It was just a little while longer and he would take Max into the Speed Force and—
Something didn't feel right.
Thad's head was throbbing and the light coming through the blinds certainly wasn't helping. He couldn't think clearly. He attempted taking survey of his surroundings, but nothing was abnormal. He was in Bart's room, just like he had been for the last several mornings.
It was just as clean as he left it. For some reason he wasn't laying in Bart's bed, which was strange, instead he was surrounded by blankets and a blow up air mattress on the ground, but stranger things had happened.
He attempted to sit up, something was still definitely off, if he could just place it, and he rubbed his head halfheartedly with his hand. Man did his head hurt, if he had actually fought any of Bart's small town rouges recently he would blame it on them, maybe he was hit on the head, but he hadn't. The pain came in and out in waves, and he certainly felt like he had a concussion. He should probably have CRAYDL check him out, he was struggling to think clearly.
Thad attempted to stand, before his left leg started screaming at him in pain. Whatever rouge he had fought had really done a number on him. He muffled a wince as he collapsed to the floor again. His leg was at least fractured, and for some reason his speed healing wasn't working.
He reached to his ring, he needed to contact CRAYDL, something had gone wrong. If his leg was injured he wouldn't be able to enter the Speed Force, they needed to adjust the plan. If his healing was just delayed he should be better in a few days then—
His ring was gone. Thad didn't have a way to contact CRAYDL. He was stuck here.
Thad wasn't about to panic yet. There were plenty of places his ring could be, he didn't have to jump to the worst case scenario. It wasn't stolen and he wasn't discovered just yet.
He continued to pat around the blankets he was laying in, in an extremely panicked manner. It had probably just fallen off while he was sleeping. He couldn't find it anywhere.
That's when his eyes caught on a costume just out of reach. His own signature green and black lighting out in plain daylight.
He had been found.
Thad had been discovered, Max and Helen knew he was Inertia and not Bart, and he was doomed. He had no way to contact CRAYDL, all hope of backup was gone. And he wasn't able to move his leg, he was truly trapped here.
The all to familiar suffocating feeling brought back bits and pieces of his time in the Speed Force. His plan had failed. He was captured before he was able to reset the time loop. Thad was at the mercies of whatever Max and Bart decided to do to him.
He may not be able to stand, but Thad Thawne would not die here, at the hands of his worst enemy. He would crawl his way out of here if he had to, but he would not die.
Voices in the hallway that he hadn't paid attention to before, he had no need to, grew ever closer. It sounded like Helen and Max were having a normal conversation, but that conversation was coming towards his direction. He couldn't be seen like this. Thad was weak, he had no way to defend himself. He had no way to escape.
He did the only thing left to to, he hid. It took far more effort than he was willing to admit to crawl his way over to the closet, and his leg was burning. From being dragged on the floor to stuffed far too close and bent at a weird angle, he was sure he was only making things worse, but he had no alternative. He couldn't be found.
The closet space pushed at him from all sides, and thin trails of light littered his body. The door allowed way too much light in, but it was better coverage than nothing. The voices were still growing closer, and they were sure to open the door any second. Breathing was difficult, and the lack of oxygen was starting to make Thad's head hurt worse. He was sure to throw up if he stayed in the stuffy hide away for too long. He couldn't move, couldn't risk exposing himself. They knew.
When a hare pretends to be a rabbit for long enough, it begins to believe everyone else sees it as a rabbit. It begins to view itself as a rabbit. But there will always be a few distinct differences between a rabbit and a hare. A hare's eyes will always be a little too wide, a little too haunted. It's legs will be a little too long. And above all, a hare will never be a rabbit, no matter how hard it tries. They are designed for different purposes entirely. A hare will never be as soft or docile as a rabbit, it was never meant to be a social animal, it was made to run.
So what does a hare do, when it can no longer run? When it has been pretending to be a rabbit for so long it behaves like one. It hides like a rabbit instead of running like a hare.
Thad heard the door creak open all too slowly, Max and Helen weren't expecting to find anything, just Thad, still unconscious. When he wasn't there, Helen gasped.
Thad could only see bits and pieces through the door, but he could hear everything. He could hear Helen immediately swing the door back open and say, "I'm going to go check on Bart," before hurrying off, slightly panicked.
He could also hear Max step into the room and look around. They both knew Thad couldn't have gotten far. Thad's breathing was becoming labored, each breath a more momentous task than the last. He was going to pass out soon.
Max paused for a moment in the center of the room, "Inertia… er, Thad," he hesitated, attempting to find the right words, "Wherever you are, I'm not going to hurt you. You can come out."
Thad didn't trust that for a minute. Max was clearly just trying to get him to reveal his location.
After a few treacherous moments of silence, Max shook his head and sighed. He made a move towards the closet, and Thad's heart skipped a beat. Max probably heard him breathing, or heard him move just slightly too loudly. It could have been a million things, but none of them changed one simple fact, he was going to be found.
The doorknob turned, and it took far too long for the door to actually open. Enough time for Thad to run over all the different ways he was exposed, all his weaknesses, all the ways he could be killed. It took long enough that he started vibrating from fear. He couldn't concentrate on anything specific, just his own impending doom.
Max didn't immediately try to kill him, he just greeted Thad with a sympathetic look. Thad was convinced Max was playing the long game, he was just luring him into a false sense of security.
"You know, Bart used to hide when he first came here. He would wake up, convinced someone from the future had come to kill him," Max was going on about something. Thad didn't understand how any of this was relevant, he wasn't Bart. He was from the future and he had tried, and succeeded in killing Bart, it sounded like Bart's fears were warranted. Above all, he had pretended to be Bart, but he wasn't him.
Thad curled in on himself as much as possible in the small space. Instinctively, he was protecting his torso, his organs. It hurt like hell to grab onto his injured leg, but he couldn't risk anything.
"I'm— we aren't going to hurt you Thad," Max stayed a few steps back, just far enough that Thad wouldn't be able to reach him without completely moving from his spot.
Thad narrowed his eyes in Max's direction, and shook his head. He wasn't Bart. He was nothing like Bart. Why did Max keep comparing them.
Max made no direct reaction, but Thad could tell he was happy to get any response at all from him.
Just as Max might have been making something adjacent to progress, Helen ran back in the room relief spread thin through her voice, "Bart is fine, Inertia couldn't have gotten far, we just need to make sure we find him before—" she looked over to see Thad and her eyes shot wide.
Thad had had just about enough of all of this. It may take him a while, but he would get out of this house if it meant he had to crawl, then he would— well he didn't know what he would do but he would be gone.
Helen looked between Thad and Max for a moment. Max started approaching Thad, like someone would a scared dog. His hand was outreached, and Thad tensed more as he grew closer.
Thad finally saw an opening, Max was standing close enough for him to kick at. He used his good leg to kick at Max, and Max proceeded to completely evade his attack.
Thad really should have seen it coming, he was moving far slower than usual. The nausea from the sudden movement was really starting to get to him, and he definitely had a concussion. The bile rose in his throat and he retched. It was all too much.
The smell spread through the small space he was in almost immediately, and only made his headache worse. Max and Helen were still staring at him like he was a freak. Or with some form of fake sympathy, he hadn't decided which yet.
Helen looked between Max and Thad again, then said, "I'll go get a rag," before hurrying back out of the room.
Thad was sweaty, and gross, and his mouth tasted like acid. Max was back at his designated safe distance away from Thad. Thad just wanted him to go away. He was supposed to be dangerous. Thad was supposed to strike fear in Bart Allen and Max Mercury and anyone else who stood in his way, instead he was scared. Thad was terrified.
Max knelled down to his level. In the last loop, Thad hadn't given Max the opportunity to find out who he was before it was too late, he hadn't given Max the opportunity to give his entire speech on how Thad didn't have to work against them. Yet it was still fresh in his memory. He hated how much he wanted to believe that something like that could be for him.
"Where's my ring," Thad despised how gravely his own voice sounded. It was unnatural. The usual control he had over his tone and volume gone. He sounded pathetic.
Max looked taken aback that he had actually spoke, but he only shook his head in response, "We know where it is, don't worry."
They did take it. They took Thad's only communication to the outside world. Thad bit the side of his mouth in an attempt to ground himself. It wasn't working. He was stuck.
"Where's CRAYDL? Has it attempted to get me?"
Max stopped looking at Thad, "Not that I know of."
It probably thought Thad was dead. There was backup protocol if Thad hadn't make it out of the Speed Force for a reason, he hadn't been able to contact it, it had moved on.
He drew his legs back up to his chest. Ultimately, he didn't know why he was crying, it was a useless exercise that wouldn't change anything, but he had had one of the longest days of his life, quite literally. So sue him.
Max continued to sit across from him, giving him space. Everything was just too much.
Max said something, it was in an even and smooth tone of voice and sounded way too caring. Thad couldn't stand it, he couldn't stand any of it.
"Just shut UP," Thad recognized his own voice for the first time since the loops stopped, he was screaming, "I KILLED you, what don't you understand," his voice decreased in volume slightly, "I hate you."
Max didn't flinch, he didn't understand, how could he understand. The Max Thad had explained everything to was in a timeline that didn't exist anymore. To Max, Thad just sounded like a delirious and confused child.
"I don't think you mean that Thad," way too fucking gentle.
Thad screamed. It was hoarse and broken but he was so, so tired. He didn't have the energy to fight anymore. He could barely move.
Max sighed, "I'll stay here until you're ready."
The silence encapsulated everything around them. Thad didn't feel like talking anymore, and Max didn't know what to say. They remained like that for a few minutes. Both exchanging the quiet among each other.
What started as uncomfortable and stiff, slowly became something they both were able to settle into. It certainly wasn't conformable, but it was familiar. It was almost how Thad had felt when he was around Max while pretending to be Bart. It wasn't completely terrible.
A distant scampering appeared from down the hall, and Ivan, the dog that Thad had named right before he entered the Speed Force, made himself known.
It had been incredibly suspicious of Thad at first, but had slowly warmed up to him through Thad gradually bribing him with treats. The dog didn't immediately walk over to him, it approached Max first, yet seemed dissatisfied with the amount of pets it received from him. Max was distracted and couldn't give his full attention to the dog.
Ivan approached Thad, and as soon as he smelled him is tail started wagging at the familiarity. Thad reached out his hand to pet the dog, and it responded by rushing into him.
For the first time in a while, Thad felt content. The dog remembered him. Things weren't perfect, they wouldn't be for a long time, but Ivan remembered him.