Chapter Text
Gordon was the express engine on the island of Sodor! He’s rather proud of his job as he pulls the express coaches although at times it can get to his head…leading him to be a rather pompous, arrogant, stubborn, prideful and self-important, with a good reason steam engine. Though he is still a good friend to the others!
Gordon had been feeling depressed lately, well if you could call it that. He wasn’t too sure himself.
Right now, Gordon rested at Tidmouth Sheds. It was rather quiet, well at least for Gordon. Gordon tuned out the noises of the other engines leaving and the noises of the workmen moving around.
Gordon had been thinking. A lot more than usual due to certain events and words that went around, Charlie being transfem, Rusty being nonbinary, Bill being transmasc. It made Gordon think about himself.
Gordon didn’t exactly like being called a male. He never thought hard about it but it was as if Gordon wasn’t himself, the name just didn’t stick, he felt like Gordon was someone else. It always felt wrong, it made him sad, even when he tried to ignore it.
It always came back to him.
“You ready to go boy?” A voice snapped him out of deep thought. It was his driver and fireman who were getting into his cab.
“Oh…ahem…well of course! The express must not be delayed!” Gordon huffed with his usual pride, though inside he winced “Boy” of course…everyone saw him as a boy. He’ll always be a boy won’t he…Gordon is a boy.
—
Gordon did his jobs as usual. The express. Whatever was given to him. Just a normal day. With normal problems. Things kept moving, why was he still thinking about it? Why couldn’t he just let it go? Why couldn’t he be normal?
…
That’s an awful thing to think. Everyone’s normal, so why does being referred to as male just feel so wrong?
Before he knew it, he was back at Tidmouth Sheds, he couldn’t even remember most of the interactions he had with others, all he knew was he was masking the entire time. He was exhausted. Not from the work, but from his own mind, from the constant questions of himself, why this why that. He wished for a simple answer.
As other engines arrived, and fell asleep. Gordon stayed up. He felt like he was going mad, he hated this, he hated this feeling. It felt as the days went by so fast, this had been on his mind for so long…Gordon decided to indulge in it once, just this one time, he told himself.
—
Gordon thought about how it would be like to a girl engine…
First he thought names.
Glenda? No, too basic.
Grace? No, didn’t feel right.
Goldie? He was prideful but he wasn’t that prideful…
Gigi…Gigi…?
Gigi the Big Express Engine…
yeah…yeah he liked that! Gigi had a nice ring to it as well.
Then, he thought about being called a girl, being feminine.
She loved the idea of being feminine, though she was always scared of being feminine, especially since she was made in a time where well, men were men and women were women.
Times have changed since then Gigi…don’t you want to give it a try?
Truth is…she did…she just didn’t know where to start…
Charlie.
That was a good start…Charlie was like her…In a way?
She still had the express tomorrow…she would need to find some time to talk to Charlie…but when…?
Of course like all days started, the sun rose and the engines went to work. Gigi of course-
“Hello Gordon! You up for a joke?!” Called Charlie from the Platform right next to Gordon her face bright as ever.
Right. Everyone still knew Gordon as Gordon. But what great luck! Charlie was right here! Now was his chance!
“Gigi.” Gordon blurted out before he could stop himself.
“What?” Charlie asked, not being rude, but out of confusion.
“I- ahem…I would prefer you call me…Gigi…I…I…” Gordon froze up, he blushed-
No.
SHE blushed.
She spent her whole life afraid, hidden, masking everything she felt. She had this. This was her moment. It was time to let Gigi out that dark closet she spent her whole life in.
“I’m a girl….please…call me Gigi…” Gigi finally said, her voice shaking nervously, shocking for the usually boastful and proud express engine.
Now Charlie was shocked. She couldn’t even form a sentence. That silence worried Gigi.
That was until Charlie laughed, not a cruel laugh, but a soft welcoming laugh, one from someone who understands.
“Well, Welcome to the club Gigi! I’m so glad you felt safe enough to tell me this!” Charlie smiled warmly at Gigi.
“I figured you would understand…” Gigi huffed, trying to regain her proud persona.
“Well of course I do! I was miserable as well! I know you must feel so much better now…”
“Uhh Charlie?”
Just then, the whistle blew, it was time for the express to go, but Gigi had one more thing to say.
“Charlie, would you mind telling the others for me? I…don’t have the confidence to do it myself just yet.” Gigi blushed before rushing off with her express, yelling her classic line which is:
“EXPRESS COMING THROUGH!!”
Gordon was still there, she never left, she just changed a little bit but she’s still the prideful express engine we all know and love.
My dearest Gigi.