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Lu Guang was no stranger to hallucinations. They started when he was a child, living with Lu Dashan.
He didn’t have any condition related to them—at least, he was pretty sure he didn’t—but that didn’t make them any less “real”. He still lived as a regular boy; well, maybe he was a little bizarre thanks to his powers, but overall, he was normal.
Lu Dashan was not a kind man. He exploited Lu Guang for his abilities, forcing him to help him with his con work and threatening basic human necessities. Sometimes, he considered running away, sick of being abused by someone who was meant to love him, but he didn’t know where he would go. Lu Dashan always told him that he was lucky to be taken in by him, because who would love a freak with white hair who rarely spoke?
He had no choice but to endure the suffering he was subjected to.
And so, Lu Guang never complained when he was starved, understanding that his punishment would only worsen if he dared voice his opinions. He never tried to fight back when Lu Dashan slammed him against the wall and kicked him until he choked on his own spit. His fists never banged against the locker door whenever he felt like he was suffocating. No, Lu Guang obeyed no matter what because he knew that there were consequences worse than being beaten, being trapped, and being starved—he had witnessed them in a couple of pictures Lu Dashan made him look into.
Because of his compliance, he just accepted everything that happened to him. If Lu Dashan didn’t want to feed him for days at a time, all while forcing him to sleep in an uncomfortable space (where he didn’t get any rest), then so be it.
The sleep deprivation and starvation were common for him, and one fateful night, they ganged up and added a new problem for him to deal with.
Hallucinations.
They weren’t anything crazy, but sometimes, when he was really deprived of his needs, he would start hearing whispers of voices he didn’t recognize or see shadows in the distance that looked too much like people. Of course, he immediately concluded they were monsters, and he told himself he was brave and could ignore them.
However, he gathered the courage to bring them up to Lu Dashan a couple of days later because he could no longer handle everything by himself, only for the man to roll his eyes and tell him his childhood imagination was just running on overdrive and making him crazy. Lu Guang had asked if it was normal to have monsters haunting him; Lu Dashan waved him off and told him to leave him alone unless he wanted to anger him.
So that was what Lu Guang did. Whenever the hallucinations came back, he would try his best to disregard them despite how petrified he felt. Sometimes they were completely gone, but then they came back worse than ever.
When Lu Guang was a little bit older, he learned from one of the staff at the youth facility that there were things called hallucinations.
The kids were fixated on monsters and creatures for a couple of weeks. Lu Guang didn’t understand the hype, especially since they used to bother him and were anything but cool. Confused, he went up to one of the nicer workers and questioned why the other boys were obsessed with monsters. He asked if he was just weird for not liking the same things they did, and she shook her head with a smile. However, when he began explaining to her why he despised them so much, telling her about the monsters he used to deal with when he was younger, the amusement on her face began to fade away. She asked for clarification, and he described what he remembered as best he could—details that weren't very accurate, since they stopped haunting him once he was no longer in Lu Dashan’s care. After he finished, she explained that they weren't monsters but hallucinations.
Obviously, he was just a kid, so he had no idea what those were. So she told him the simple definition of the new word he’d just learned and said they were going to see a doctor because it was unusual for children to experience them as often as he did, even if that wasn’t the case anymore.
The doctor’s visit went smoothly; he was told it was a special kind of doctor, a psychiatrist. The lady reassured Lu Guang and the facility worker that he most likely didn’t have a disorder that caused the hallucinations, but that they were probably a result of his old foster dad’s severe neglect. As long as Lu Guang wasn't subjected to that kind of treatment again, he was clear of any similar experiences.
* * *
“Lu Guaaaang…” Cheng Xiaoshi whined from the stairs, trying to gain his best friend’s attention. Unfortunately, he seemed to be doing his damn best to ignore his calls. “Lu Guang, come to bed…”
Still, Lu Guang did not budge. His eyes were locked on his screen, and they had been for hours. He should’ve been wearing his glasses, but he didn’t feel like heading upstairs just to grab them. It shouldn’t be a big deal, anyway.
“It’s almost midnight. What’s so important that you can’t wait for tomorrow to do it?” Cheng Xiaoshi tried to move past the fact that Lu Guang was pretending he wasn’t there. What was he? A ghost?
Still, no response, just more tapping on his keyboard.
From his position, Cheng Xiaoshi could see that Lu Guang’s hands trembled slightly, and he caught him trying to suppress two yawns. Seriously, why was this guy allergic to sleep? For someone who loved taking naps in the sunroom, he sure avoided going to bed every night.
Cheng Xiaoshi groaned when all Lu Guang offered was a quick glance before he returned to his screen. “Ugh, whatever. I’m headed to bed. You better be in our room in thirty minutes; you can’t keep staying up so late.”
He paused for a second, giving Lu Guang space in case he had something to say, but as expected, Lu Guang was preoccupied with work that was apparently more important than his well-being. Defeated, Cheng Xiaoshi dragged himself up the stairs and into their bedroom. When he closed the door, Lu Guang gazed up and sighed.
Lu Guang stopped typing and set the laptop beside him on the couch. He was exhausted, but he still had so much to do. He had moved in with Cheng Xiaoshi about half a year ago, and since then, he’d been helping him with his photo studio business. A lot needed to be taken care of, but Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t seem to know how to handle it, so Lu Guang stepped up and took responsibility.
Not that he minded; he was happy to help Cheng Xiaoshi however he could, but he’d be lying if he claimed he wasn’t stressed the hell out.
The last two weeks were kind of a blur. He had a lot of business matters to sort out, even updating and working on some outdated stuff, but he could do it. It just… required a lot of time. Once he finished everything, he should be able to return to his regular schedule. The faster he did it, the better.
Glancing at the clock on his laptop, he told himself he’d work for another twenty minutes, which should give him enough time to complete one last task. So he picked up his laptop and got back to working.
It was going well until he saw something move in the corner of his eye.
He immediately paused and looked over at the dark hall. “Cheng Xiaoshi?” he called out, not too loud, but not a whisper either. When no one responded, he sat back for a moment and took a deep breath.
Maybe he was imagining things. It was late, and the studio was dark aside from the sunroom.
Lu Guang shook his head and started typing again. He only had a few more little things to do, and then he could get ready for bed. The thought of sleeping sounded so painfully relaxing, but he couldn’t think too much about it because he’d just end up wasting time.
When he got to the last bit of work, he swore he saw something move again.
“Cheng Xiaoshi. Are you there?” he leaned to his left, seeing if he could catch a glimpse of his best friend, but alas, there was no one there. His heart beat a tiny bit faster, urging him to be done for the night and run upstairs.
Okay, you’re just tired, he assured himself, making a few more typos than usual. Just finish—
“Lu Guang?” he heard his name from his right, which made no sense because if it were Cheng Xiaoshi, it should’ve come from the stairs, or at the very least, in front of him.
He didn’t turn his head, choosing not to acknowledge whatever the fuck that was. He was almost done for the night, so he powered through and did what he could to regulate his breathing. Why was he so scared? He was just imagining things. It was fine. It was dark, and faint noises drifted in the distance.
The same voice repeated his name, this time from the left. “Lu Guang…” Whose voice was that? At first, he assumed it was Cheng Xiaoshi, but when he really listened, he realized he didn’t know anyone who sounded like that.
Just finish your work, he chanted in his mind, slowly losing his cool.
When he heard another whisper, he slammed his laptop shut and scanned his surroundings in a panic. His chest rose and fell way too fast for his liking, but even if he tried, he couldn’t calm down. He was desperate to find something—anything—that could explain what he was hearing and seeing, but it seemed there was nothing.
Was he hallucinating?
Chuckling nervously, he shook his head. No, no. There was no way. He knew he used to have hallucinations when he was a kid, thanks to the conditions he lived in with Lu Dashan, but that was so many years ago. Surely, they didn’t come back.
As he was overthinking his situation, he swore he heard a knock at their front door. But that made zero sense. It was so late at night, and they weren’t expecting anyone, so either he was hearing things or some weirdo was trying to get in.
Okay, nope. He was done for the night.
Hastily, he flicked the last light off and hurried up the stairs, almost tripping in the process. He felt like a child for being terrified, but his body screamed in alarm.
When he reached their bedroom door, he swung it open and shut it a little too hard.
“Shit-” he muttered under his breath, watching Cheng Xiaoshi stir awake.
Cheng Xiaoshi yawned and stretched his limbs, his eyes slowly landing on Lu Guang, who had one hand on the doorknob and looked like he'd seen something horrifying. Perplexed, he sat up. “Uhm… you okay?”
Lu Guang stared at him with wide eyes, not saying a word.
“Lu Guang?” Cheng Xiaoshi sounded concerned now. His gaze trailed down Lu Guang’s body, noting how tense he was. He even noticed his free hand shaking, though only slightly.
His best friend was certainly not all right. What could’ve happened in the few minutes he left him in the sunroom? Did he see something? Did he watch a scary video and rush upstairs? (The thought of that made him giggle to himself.) No matter what occurred down there, Lu Guang was freaked out.
He still hadn’t said a word. Cheng Xiaoshi’s brows furrowed, and he got out of bed unhurriedly, mindful not to make any sudden movements.
“Hey,” Cheng Xiaoshi muttered, placing a hand on Lu Guang’s shoulder. He flinched upon contact, but the moment his eyes met Cheng Xiaoshi’s, his body relaxed. “What’s gotten you so spooked? Watched something scary~?” he teased, but there was underlying worry.
“S’noth’ng.” he gave a weak headshake, trying to move past him. “I just- I’m tired. You were right.” Lu Guang forced out, and it felt like he was shutting down the conversation. He didn’t wait for an answer before he went to his dresser and pulled out some clothes to sleep in. Cheng Xiaoshi watched him change, trying his best to read his best friend.
Yeah, no. There was no way that was nothing. Lu Guang looked like he’d just seen a ghost. He was one hundred percent scared of something, but if Lu Guang didn’t want to talk about it, then he would let it be for now.
With a heavy exhale, Cheng Xiaoshi trudged back to his bunk, and Lu Guang climbed the ladder to his. Cheng Xiaoshi looked at the top bunk and gave him a hushed ‘goodnight’, and Lu Guang hummed in response. He still looked shaken, but there was nothing he could do. He and Lu Guang had only known each other for a while, but Cheng Xiaoshi quickly learned Lu Guang was very reserved.
They eventually returned to a peaceful silence, trying to drift off to sleep despite their minds being occupied. Cheng Xiaoshi slipped into slumber after a couple of minutes, but Lu Guang stayed wide awake.
Every time he closed his eyes, hoping his mind would shut off for the night, he heard distant muttering and mumbling from voices he did not recognize.
No, yeah. He was definitely just exhausted. Lu Guang knew that being deprived of food and sleep was what caused him to hallucinate when he was younger, and since he’d been so stressed and busy recently, he probably recreated the right conditions to trigger his hallucinations again.
What a pain in the ass.
He hadn’t had to deal with this kind of stuff in a very long time; why did they decide to return now?
“Lu Guang…” a hushed voice blew in his ear, and he fought the urge to acknowledge it. “Lu Guang…?”
Breathe. Just breathe, he told himself. It’s not real. Just ignore it. You know it’s not real.
For a few minutes, the slow breathing worked, and the voices quieted down, but of course, that didn't last. That was to be expected, though. Lu Guang understood that to effectively deal with the hallucinations, he needed to fix his eating habits and sleep schedule; a single night of going to bed earlier than he had been was merely a step in the right direction.
It was fine. He could handle hearing and seeing things that weren’t there. If he was able to endure and deal with hallucinations when he was a child, there was no reason why he shouldn’t be able to do the same as an adult. For now, he just had to suck it up and pretend there was nothing wrong. They would go away on their own when he nursed himself back to health, so there was no use opening up to Cheng Xiaoshi about them.
And if his best friend ever grew more suspicious, he’d tell him he was just a little paranoid. Scary videos and such.