Work Text:
Something that Alice never would have believed would ever happen is that things have been significantly better between her and Gemma over the past several months. They’re in a better place personally than they’ve ever been before, and she’s still trying to figure out exactly how she feels about it.
She would almost dare to call them friends, but she won’t admit it out loud. At least not yet. She doesn’t want to give Gemma the satisfaction. Besides, she’s got a lot on her plate for the off-season, and she doesn’t have the time to dwell on where she and Gemma actually stand with each other. It’ll be her first off-season and subsequent actual season as Manager, and she can’t fuck this up; she needs it to go well. Even with Ted and Beard as her assistant managers, she still knows she has something to prove, to show them all that they were right in promoting her.
Which is why she almost turns down Mady and Margy’s offer of going out for drinks and dancing that first weekend of the off-season to celebrate everything they’d managed to accomplish. But then that little voice in the back of her head that sounds annoyingly like Ted tells her that it’ll be good for morale and good for the next season for her to start bonding with the team as their head coach.
So she puts on what she deems an appropriate enough outfit for the occasion, kisses Camille goodbye for the evening, and heads to the party.
By the time she arrives, everyone else is already there, spread out between the bar, the lounge area, and the dance floor itself. Music is blaring through the speakers, and the multi-colored lights from above are illuminating everyone in different ways. Mady and Margy are cuddled up together on one of the couches with drinks in both their hands, Lizzie is clearly a few drinks in already and doesn’t seem to be planning on stopping anytime soon, Shannon is chatting happily with a few people Alice doesn’t recognize, and Gemma is in the middle of the dance floor with a drink in her hand.
She walks straight to the bar to order herself a drink, something that might help the night be fun without leaving her with a raging hangover the next morning. It’s given to her quickly enough, and as soon as she turns around, Niamh and Siobhan are there in front of her, near-empty glasses in their hands but not showing any signs of drunkenness.
“Coach!” Niamh shouts with a grin. “We were starting to get worried you wouldn’t show.”
“Yeah, sorry,” Alice says. “Took a bit longer to get out of the house.” Really, it’s because she couldn’t quite figure out what to wear, something that seems to be a recurring theme for her whenever she’s meant to hang out with the team, but she’s not about to tell them that.
Siobhan smiles. “Ah, that’s alright. You’re here now. So now it’s a party.”
She doesn’t get a chance to respond, both redheads being immediately dragged away by other members of the team and pulled out onto the dance floor. They try to get her to join, of course, but she politely declines and heads toward where a small portion of the team are sitting. While she wasn’t lying to Shannon about her dance abilities, she is going to need a little bit of liquid courage in her before she gets onto the dance floor.
She isn’t entirely sure what to do other than drinking or dancing, so she tries her best to relax into the seat and simply be present with the team. At least for now. Maybe later on in the evening she’ll find the courage she needs to actually get out there and dance.
There is certainly plenty of amusement to entertain her as the night carries on. The twins nearly get into a fight, which is quickly squashed by an incredibly drunk Lizzie, who immediately goes back to the dance floor, dragging Boots by the arm to join her. Mady and Margy break out into some sort of choreographed routine they must have cooked up in their downtime, even with Margy’s injured foot. Several other members somehow manage to lead a drunken rendition of a Richmond chant in the middle of the dance floor.
She does, ultimately, get dragged into a few conversations that she doesn’t entirely follow because of how drunk several members of the team are. But she does her best to play along anyway.
Until her bladder begins to protest, of course, and she finds her way to the restroom. It’s down a dingy, barely-lit hallway, but is thankfully not as disgusting as some nightclub toilets can be. Still, she does her best to get in and out relatively quickly.
As soon as she pushes back through the door, she stops short at the woman standing in front of her. Her brows furrow. “Gemma? What are you…Do you need to go?” she asks, gesturing behind her.
Gemma shakes her head, but remains silent.
“Okay,” Alice drags out, inching forward, intending to slip around Gemma. “I’m just gonna…”
It happens far too quickly for her to react in the instant that it does. Gemma’s lips are warm and soft against hers, a spark igniting somewhere deep inside of her. And just as quickly as the sensation is there, the lips are gone, though the spark inside remains.
Gemma’s smiling shyly at her, something she never knew the other woman could actually be. “Sorry,” she says, taking a couple of small steps back, stumbling slightly. “Just...I know we probably won’t be seeing much of each other the next couple of months, and I wanted to finally do that before I chickened out. Again.”
Alice remains quiet and still, focusing in on the quickly fading buzz of Gemma’s lips against hers. Before she knows what she’s doing, she’s stepping into Gemma’s space and kissing her, hands curling into the other woman’s thin jacket to pull her close. It’s as if that first kiss flipped something on inside of her, a hunger she didn’t know existed coming straight to the surface, her mouth devouring Gemma’s like she hasn’t eaten in days.
She moves when her body is nudged, her back hitting the nearest wall as warm, gentle hands slide beneath her shirt, resting against her stomach. She tenses just for a moment, until Gemma’s lips break away from hers to leave a trail of kisses across her jaw and down the column of her neck. Her head falls back and to the side, eyes closing at the sensation shooting through her, her hands gripping tighter to the jacket.
An involuntary moan escapes past her lips, and in the next second she can feel Gemma’s smirk against her skin.
“Not so bad and tough now, are you, Coach?”
The question makes Alice freeze. It doesn’t take her more than an instant to realize that this isn’t the voice she should be hearing in a moment like this. Even though there’s that one small, primal part of her that wants to keep going. The realization sends a mountain of guilt straight to her stomach, forcing her to uncurl her hands and use them to push Gemma away from her.
Gemma leans back with furrowed brows. “What is it? Did I do something?”
Alice shakes her head, dropping her hands to her side. “No. You didn’t…” She swallows thickly. “We can’t do this.”
Gemma smirks, her eyes ablaze, and takes a tiny step forward. “Oh, I beg to differ. Seemed to be doing just fine a moment ago.”
Alice closes her eyes, dread setting in at what she’ll find when she opens them again. “I have a girlfriend.” She gives the moment a beat and then finally opens her eyes, her heart sinking immediately.
Gone is the desire from Gemma’s eyes, replaced with confusion, betrayal, and pure hurt. “You what?”
“Her name’s Camille,” Alice answers. “We’ve been together for a while; we live together.”
Gemma stumbles back, her face nearly crumbling, but she manages to keep it from doing so. She’s quiet for a long moment, the uncomfortable silence settling around them. “You know,” she finally says, her voice strained, “I’ve always maintained that you’re a bit of an arsehole. But I never thought you could be so fucking cruel too.”
Alice takes a small step forward. “Gemma…”
“No,” Gemma says, looking on the verge of tears, shaking her head and stepping back, holding a hand up between them. “What was all this for you then, hm? All the flirting and the eyes, and everything else. Was it all just a fucking joke?”
“What? No. Gemma, that’s not—”
“Just stop, Alice! This wasn’t fair to me, none of it was. And it wasn’t fair to your apparent girlfriend either,” she spits.
Alice curls her hands into fists to try and keep them from shaking. “I know it wasn’t. I never meant to—”
“To what? Lead me on? Make me fall in love with you? Make me think that I actually had a chance of being with you after everything that’s happened between us?”
Alice falters. “You’re…you’re in love with me?”
“Of course I’m fucking in love with you! But none of that matters now, does it? Because you’ve got a girlfriend to go home to and I’m going to be left on my own trying to fix what you just broke. Did you even think about how any of this would turn out or did your ego enjoy it too much whenever I showed interest in you?”
Alice opens and closes her mouth a few times, unable to find the right words. Anything she could say right now might just make things worse. And things are already so fucking bad.
Gemma laughs humorlessly. “Wow. Nothing to say? That’s just perfect. Look, let’s just forget this ever happened, alright? We don’t need to talk about it, no one needs to know. And don’t worry, I’m not gonna quit or try and switch clubs for next season. You don’t have that much power over me.”
“I wouldn’t think–”
“Goodbye, Alice.” She starts to walk away, pausing for a moment and then turning back. She opens her mouth to say something more, but then must think better of it and rushes off instead.
Alice gives it two beats this time before she follows, knowing she probably shouldn’t, but she can’t really help herself in the moment. Not when the memory of Gemma’s lips and hands on her skin is still so prominent.
She hurries in the direction Gemma went, her heart beating erratically in her chest as her eyes search the expanse of the club. But there are so many people and so many lights and the music is almost too loud, and all she wants is to—
She lets out a breath as soon as she spots Gemma. The striker is clearly distressed, practically hunched over on herself as she talks to Lizzie and Boots. And Lizzie, despite how many drinks she’s had, is focusing all of her attention on comforting her teammate.
The sight breaks something inside of Alice. She did that. She really is cruel. Gemma’s right to be upset with her. She wouldn’t be surprised if Gemma never speaks to her again outside of football. And she wouldn’t blame her one bit for it. Alice deserves it. Completely. In fact, she deserves to be iced out by the whole team.
Pivoting sharply, Alice makes a beeline for the exit, eager to be out of the stuffy club and away from so many bodies. She just needs to get home and try to put all of this behind her. And she prays that Camille is already asleep by the time she gets there, not particularly wanting to explain why she’s so frazzled. Besides, Gemma said she doesn’t want anyone to know. If Alice can give her anything right now, it’s that. After all, it didn’t mean anything, so there really is no point in bringing it up. It didn’t mean a single fucking thing.
It takes less than a week for Alice’s personal life to come crashing down. She’s done her best to put the incident at the nightclub behind her, and it’s helped that she hasn’t seen Gemma in the days since. She’s been more attentive to Camille’s needs too, which she desperately tries to ignore the little voice in her head telling her exactly why she is. Because there doesn’t need to be a reason for her to want to be extra affectionate with her girlfriend or show her how much she cares about her.
She’s getting ready for date night, something that Alice herself suggested and planned, when it all crashes and burns.
“Babe? You almost ready to go?”
Alice leans away from the mirror, doing a once-over of her look for the evening. “Just about.”
“Good. I don’t want to be late.”
Alice smiles. “Stop worrying. We’ll be fine.” She leans a bit closer to the mirror again to finish applying her lipstick.
“Your phone’s been buzzing nonstop, by the way.”
Alice glances toward the open door. “Could you check it for me? It’s probably Ted; he said he was going to send me some new nonsense references to American culture that he claims I need to understand.” She waits for a beat, frowning when she doesn’t get a response. “Hello? Camille? Did you check?”
Camille appears in the hallway a moment later, holding Alice’s phone up, the screen facing her. There’s devastation and confusion written all across her face. “You kissed her?”
Alice’s eyes go wide and she snatches the phone from her girlfriend, scrolling through the flurry of messages she received from Gemma in a matter of just a few minutes.
Aliiiiiiiice
I miss you
Reaallly fcking miss you
I knw you think i hste you right noow
But i don’t thiunk i actually do
And i hate tht i don’t
I juust want to see you
I want to kiss youu again too
i dont think that’s too much to ask fopr
I knooow you enyojed it alice
because i did too
Like a lot
Best kiss of my etire liufe
I cant stoip fuckng thinnking abouit it
Or you
A new one comes in as her eyes reach the end of the stream of messages.
Hi, sorry. This is Shannon now. Gemma’s hammered so I'm
revoking her phone privileges until she sobers up. Sorry.
Probably best not to mention any of this to her later.
Thank you for looking after her.
She locks her phone and sets it aside, breathing deeply and slowly to try and control her heartbeat. She forces herself to look at Camille. “I can explain.”
Camille raises a brow, her arms folding across her chest. “Go on, then.”
Alice nods, shifting on her feet. “Right. Um, it’s…it wasn’t planned. I never meant for it to happen. She’s the one who initiated the first kiss and I–”
“First?” Camille asks. “So you kissed more than once?”
“Technically speaking, yes,” Alice says, regretting the words the moment they leave her mouth. This is not going well, not that she ever thought it would, of course. There’s a reason she planned on not saying anything at all. “But I did stop it.”
“And that makes it better?”
“No, obviously it doesn’t. I’m not…I’m not trying to make excuses.”
“Sort of sounds like you are.”
“Well, I’m not,” she says, her irritation rising. “You asked me what happened, and I’m trying to explain.”
Camille shifts on her feet. “Right. Well, what I’m still trying to wrap my head around is the fact that she thought it’d be a good idea to kiss you in the first place when you’ve got a girlfriend.”
Alice nods, her throat tightening. “Yeah, that’s…that’s um, that’s my fault, actually. She didn’t exactly know about you. None of the team does.”
Camille’s face contorts into anger and hurt. “Oh. I see.”
“It wasn’t because I wanted something to happen,” Alice is quick to say, though she knows deep down it’s not going to make the situation any better. “I just…don’t talk about my personal life with them. That’s never how I’ve been, and you never seemed to have a problem with me keeping my personal life and my football life separate.”
“I didn’t think it’d be to the point where you never mentioned me, even in passing just to let people know you were in a relationship. That’s what normal people do, Alice.”
She tries not to let the hurt show at Camille’s words. She’s always hated that word, had heard it too much growing up whenever she got to know someone long enough for them to realize that she didn’t act or think like everyone else. Always thrown at her as a criticism for not behaving in the same way or not realizing things that, according to others, should have been common sense. Some part of her knows that Camille didn’t mean it in a cruel, punch down sort of way. The heat of an argument can also make people say or do things they usually wouldn’t.
She swallows thickly past the lump in her throat. “I’m…I’m sorry for not telling anyone about us. I should have.”
“Yeah, you fucking should have.”
“So…um, what…what do we do now?”
Camille throws her hands up. “What else is there to do, Alice? You cheated. I know you said it was only a kiss, but that’s still cheating. I can’t…I don’t think I can do this anymore. How do I know it won’t happen again? You’re going to see her practically every day when the new season starts, and all I’m going to be thinking about when I’m not with you is if you’re kissing her again. I don’t want to deal with that.”
Alice fights back her tears, nodding. “You’re absolutely right. You shouldn’t have to deal with that.” She hesitates, shifting on her feet. “I never wanted it to end like this.”
Camille lets out a heavy breath. “I know. Me neither.” She’s quiet for a fraction of a moment. “I’m gonna stay at Darla’s tonight, give us both some space.”
Alice nods. “Right. That’s…that’s smart. I can start looking for another place tomorrow. I’m sure there’s something in the area within my budget.”
Camille shakes her head. “No. This was your place first. I’m sure Darla will let me stay with her for as long as I need. Are you gonna be here in the morning?”
Alice shakes her head. “Work.”
“Good. So I’ll come by and get some of my things then, start figuring out what to do.”
“You don’t have to—”
“Yes, I do,” Camille says softly, the softest she’s sounded the entire conversation. “We both know it’s better if it’s me. I’m just gonna pack a small bag for tonight, and then I’ll be out of your hair for good.”
Alice’s heart clenches. “Can you not…say it like that? You make it sound like this relationship has been a fucking chore, and it hasn’t. I have loved being with you, Camille.”
Camille smiles sadly. “And I’ve loved being with you. But clearly something’s been missing, and if we haven’t found it after this long, I don’t think we ever will.” She stays there for a moment longer before turning and disappearing down the hall.
Alice waits a beat and then closes the door until it clicks softly, her hand remaining flat against the wood. She leans forward until her forehead touches it, her eyes closing as the tears finally start falling from her eyes, splattering against the wood beneath her feet.
A years-long relationship ended just like that, all because Alice was too much of a fucking coward to share details of her personal life with the people she was supposed to learn to connect with. Yes, she has a photo of her and Camille on her desk (that she’s now going to have to replace), but somehow she knew that if she brought that up, it just would have made things so much worse.
So now she has an ex-girlfriend who most likely thinks she’s a terrible person and is going to tell all of her friends, and a player who also likely thinks she’s a terrible person and is going to tell the entire team about it.
The new season is certainly going to be fun for her. And she only has herself to blame for it.
Alice is truly grateful that she’s under no obligation to see her players during the off-season. She still sees Ted and Beard, of course, so they can do as much planning as possible for the upcoming season. And occasionally she’ll bump into Lizzie and her boys (sometimes they’re with Boots) at the grocery store, or Shannon, Niamh and Siobhan just out and about. But considering that none of them give her looks of outright disgust or judgement, she’s assuming that none of them (other than Shannon, who really is too pure of a soul to be intentionally mean) are aware of what went down between her and Gemma. Which she’s only mildly surprised by.
The version of Gemma from even a year ago probably wouldn’t have hesitated to tell everyone what went down just to get more people to hate her. Then again, the version of Gemma from a year ago would never have even been willingly alone with Alice long enough for a kiss to happen.
Oh, how times have certainly changed. And not necessarily for the better.
Because while before she didn’t really care that much about Gemma being angry at her (which, deep down, she knows she cared on some level), this time around it’s eating her up inside that the other woman can’t stand her. Her sleep schedule has been thrown completely off, not used to sleeping alone anymore, even if Camille wasn’t much of a cuddler. It still felt nice to have someone next to her.
But now she’s left alone with her thoughts every single night, and she hates where they always wind up. Because no matter how hard she tries, she can’t keep her thoughts away from Gemma and how she’s faring with everything, and if she’s already moved on and whether or not she’s thinking about Alice the same amount Alice is thinking about her.
And because her sleep is so completely destroyed, she has very little to no energy on most days, something that she knows Ted and Beard have noticed whenever they’re in the office discussing the upcoming season. But neither of them has said anything. Which she’s not sure if she actually wants them to or not. She doesn’t even really know what she’d say if they were to ask her. So she really hopes they never do and just allow her to sit in the disaster of her own making. It’s what she deserves, after all.
“Hey, Coach, you uh, you got a second?”
Alice looks up from her laptop at Ted. “I suppose.”
“Great.” He wanders closer to her desk but doesn’t get too close. “I uh, I just wanted to check in with you. You’ve seemed a bit off for a little while now, but I didn’t want to say anything just yet in case whatever was going on worked itself out. But something tells me it hasn’t.”
Alice swallows, turning her chair to fully face Ted. “I…appreciate you checking in,” she tells him, finding as she’s saying it that it’s the truth. “I was…with someone, and now I’m not. The whole thing is a bit…complicated, and I’d really rather not get into it right now. I’m still processing it all.”
Ted smiles softly at her. “Hey, that’s okay. Breakups can be tough, no matter the circumstances. Take whatever time you need to heal, and if you wanna take a little bit of time off, I promise I won’t say a word to the boss lady.”
Alice can’t help but smile. “No, thank you. I think I need to work; it helps take my mind off of everything for a little while.”
“Well, alright then. But hey, I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk about it, okay?”
Alice nods. “I’ll remember that, thank you.”
“Yeah. Have a good night, Coach. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He lightly taps the corner of her desk as he turns and walks out of the office, the door swinging closed behind him.
Spinning back toward her computer, Alice forces herself to focus on finishing the work she’d been doing all day. Thankfully, it doesn’t take her too much longer to finish up, and she’s out of the building and headed to her car.
Unfortunately, going home means needing to eat, and she’s only now realizing that she doesn’t have much in the way of food at her place. Low motivation has kept her from going out to replenish her dwindling food supply. So she really has no choice. She has to go to the store and get something.
When she arrives at the supermarket, she wanders about aimlessly for what feels like an eternity. Everything she even thinks about attempting to cook comes with the obvious necessity of spending time to cook that meal. And the thought makes her want to cry. Which she absolutely refuses to do in the middle of the pasta aisle.
“Coach?”
Turning, her eyes go slightly wide at the three figures moving toward her. “Lizzie, hello. Boys,” she says with a slight nod. “How uh, how has your summer been so far?”
“Oh, about as it usually goes,” Lizzie explains, reaching out to drop a hand on Archie’s head when he begins wandering away, pulling him back to the trolley. “Hand.” She barely waits for Archie’s small hand to grab hold of the trolley before she throws a smile at Alice. “How’ve you been, then? Busy working on the plans for the new season, I presume.”
Alice nods. “Yes, that’s…that’s been taking up a lot of my time. I don’t mind it, though. I like the work.”
“Well, I, for one, am glad to not be in your position. I’ve got enough work with these two on a daily basis.”
“Maybe we could trade for a day,” Alice tries for a joke. “Might be a nice reprieve for you.”
Lizzie’s smile widens. “I know you’re joking, but there are days where I might actually take you up on that.”
“Is today not one of those?” Alice asks.
Lizzie lets out a breath. “No, thankfully. It was a fairly easy day by our standards. Now we’re just picking up a few extra snacks for their camps this week before we go home and eat.”
“We’re having baked mac and cheese,” Sean tells her with a smile. “It’s really good.”
“That sounds delicious,” Alice tells him. She glances down at her empty cart. “I’m…still trying to figure out what to make myself tonight.” She smiles tightly at the three. “This is what happens when you run out of both food and energy.”
Lizzie frowns. “You doing alright?”
Alice nods. “Yeah, just…dealing with some personal stuff.”
“Do you want to come over and join us?” Lizzie asks her. “My baked mac and cheese is really good, and this’ll give you a chance to not have to think about cooking for at least one night.”
“Oh, I don’t…I don’t want to impose.”
“You’re not imposing, I asked.” She glances at her sons. “What do you think, boys? Should Coach Chilton join us?”
Both boys immediately voice their approval of her suggestion, smiling brightly at her and encouraging her to accept the offer. Though, Sean does more of the coaxing while Archie simply nods along and bounces on his feet.
Unfortunately for Alice, Lizzie is completely right that joining them would allow her a small reprieve of worrying about how she’s going to feed herself for one night. So she accepts the offer, promising that she’ll meet them at their place as soon as she grabs a few non-perishables that will be fine sitting in her car until she gets home. She’s only mildly surprised when Archie hugs her before he walks away with his mum and brother.
.
.
.
She arrives at the Davis household only minutes after Lizzie and the boys do and insists on carrying the bag of groceries inside while Lizzie focuses on Sean and Archie. As soon as she steps inside, just from one glance around the front room, it’s clear that the house is very much lived in. Toys and children’s belongings are scattered about, drawings are hanging up on the fridge and cabinets, a few storybooks lingering on the furniture, shoes haphazardly kicked off in the entryway.
She carries the bags straight to the kitchen while Lizzie is in another part of the house with the boys, and she hesitates to actually put anything away, not wanting to put it in a place it doesn’t belong. Though, she figures the cold things being put in the fridge are a safe bet.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that.”
Alice peers around the door of the fridge. “It’s fine. I didn’t want them to sit out for too long.”
Lizzie smiles as she moves toward a set of cabinets on the opposite side of the kitchen. “Well, I appreciate that. Now go relax, or hang out with the boys while I get the food going.” She pulls various cooking implements out as well as a large box of pasta noodles. “Of course, you are more than welcome to keep me company in here.”
Alice smiles, shutting the door of the fridge. “I think I’ll just…go and sit on the sofa, if that’s alright.”
“Course it is. Though, fair warning now, Archie will most likely ask you to read him something. Or coerce you into playing one of his many games.”
“Oh, um, thanks.” She smiles politely and then turns to make her way into the living room, settling on the sofa. She lets out a heavy breath as she relaxes into the cushions, her head falling back and her eyes closing. She simply breathes, allowing herself to relax even more.
The cushion dips next to her, and then there’s a tug at the sleeve of her shirt. She cracks an eye open to find Archie kneeling next to her, a small stack of books in his hands. “Hello.”
He holds the books up. “Will you read these to me?”
“Yes,” Alice says without much hesitation this time around, taking the books from him. She sits up a little, holding the first book from the stack in front of her as she opens the cover. “Crysanthemum,” she reads, glancing down and unable to prevent a smile when Archie leans against her, his eyes focused on the book. “By Kevin Henkes.”
So that’s how she spends the next hour, reading multiple stories to Archie, including, but not limited to, Wemberly Worried, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, and The Mitten. Archie chimes in a few times to point out details throughout the various drawings that accompany the story, giggling occasionally whenever she reaches an apparent funny moment. Sean joins them at some point, settling against Alice’s other side to listen to the stories.
They’re almost halfway through Miss Nelson is Missing when the front door clicking open interrupts them.
“Hello hello.”
Alice looks up at the familiar voice, brows furrowing at the sight of Boots entering the Davis home, kicking off her shoes and hanging up her jacket in a way that indicates she’s done it many times before.
“Boots!” both boys shout at the exact same time, practically leaping off the sofa to rush the goalkeeper and nearly tackle her with hugs.
Boots laughs at the enthusiastic greeting, hugging them back and swinging Archie up and around, making the four-year-old laugh.
Alice simply closes the storybook and sets it aside, mentally marking what page they were on in case the boys want to finish it later, and sits up a little more. She remains silent, though, not quite sure what to do or say in this exact moment.
Boots finally notices her after setting Archie back on the floor. “Coach. Hey. What are you doing here?”
“I invited her over to eat with us,” Lizzie explains as she enters the room, drying her hands on a small towel. “I texted you to let you know.”
Boots smiles. “Sorry. My phone died. Can I borrow your charger?”
Lizzie rolls her eyes with a smile. “You know you can.” She lightly swats at Boots with the towel as the woman passes her, though she leans in seemingly on instinct when Boots presses a kiss to her cheek.
Alice blinks. “Oh. You two are…”
Lizzie nods. “Yeah. No one else on the team knows yet; we’re still figuring out exactly what this all is. But she’s been over pretty frequently since summer started, and things have been really good so far.”
Alice smiles. “Well, I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks.” She takes a deep breath. “Right then, food’s just about ready, so everyone go wash up. That includes you too, Coach.” She levels Alice with a playfully raised brow and then turns back into the kitchen.
Alice stands and follows after Sean and Archie, smiling at the faint peals of laughter coming from the two women in the kitchen. After everything Alice has heard about Lizzie’s ex, she certainly deserves someone who’s going to be steady and reliable for her and her boys.
Dinner with the Davis family (and Boots) is just about the most chaotic dinner Alice has ever been a part of. It’s so full of life and love that it has something inside of her twisting in a way she hasn’t known it to ever twist. She can’t quite place what it is, though. But with each passing moment of Lizzie telling Alice stories about Sean and Archie’s upbringing, and Boots teasing both boys, and the boys joking around with each other, that twisting inside of Alice just gets stronger.
She pushes through it to participate in the conversations, though, to throw in her own light-hearted barbs at both Lizzie and Boots, smiling in satisfaction when both Sean and Archie laugh. It’s the most at ease she’s felt since the summer started. And she really likes the feeling.
When everyone is finished eating, Boots immediately corrals both Sean and Archie so she can help them get ready for bed, ushering them from the kitchen and leaving Lizzie and Alice alone.
Alice carries her dishes to the sink and then lingers. “Thank you, Lizzie, for having me over. The food really was delicious.”
Lizzie smiles, dropping her own set of dishes into the sink. “I’m glad you liked it. You’re more than welcome to join us any time, if you ever need to give your mind a break.”
Alice smiles. “I will keep that in mind.” She glances at the time on the stove clock. “I should probably head out now, but um, thank you, again, for having me over.” She turns and heads for the door, hoping that after a full, hearty meal she’ll actually sleep well tonight.
“Uh, Coach? Hang on a minute.”
Alice turns back as Lizzie wanders closer. “Yeah?”
Lizzie sighs. “Look, I wasn’t sure how to bring this up, because I know it’s probably still a sore subject right now, so I’m just going to rip the band-aid off. I know about what happened at the club that night. Between you and Gemma.”
Alice freezes, her heart starting to race a little faster inside her chest. “What…what did she tell you?”
Lizzie shrugs. “The truth. Took her a minute to get it out with all the crying she was doing, but we got there eventually.”
“Oh. You probably hate me now, then, don’t you? Gemma probably does, and my ex too.”
Lizzie’s head tilts. “If I hated you, I wouldn’t have invited you over to spend time with my family. Gemma didn’t exactly paint you in the best light, but she was upset; she said a lot of things she probably didn’t mean.”
Alice’s mind flashes back to the string of drunken texts, but she pushes the thought away. She swallows thickly. “I honestly didn’t know she had any feelings for me.”
Lizzie nods. “I believe you. But I also believe you’ve got blinders on when it comes to Gemma. You see what you want to see and not necessarily what you should see. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, we’ve all got it sometimes. I had it with Ben for a minute; it’s how I got two kids instead of just one.”
“I should have told her about Camille from the beginning,” Alice admits.
“Yeah, probably. Might have saved you both some heartbreak. But there’s nothing you can do about that now.” She shifts on her feet. “Listen, we all make mistakes, yeah? We all do dumb shit that we regret later and wish we’d done so many things in life differently. What’s important is what you learn from those moments. It’s like I always tell the boys, it’s okay to get things wrong once in a while, so long as you figure out what to do right the next time. And try not to be so fucking hard on yourself; you’re only human.”
“That’s…that’s some solid advice there, Captain.”
Lizzie smiles softly. “Are you going to be okay on your own tonight?”
Alice nods. “Yeah, I’ll manage.”
“Good. Get home safe, then. And if I don’t see you before the summer’s out, I’ll see you at training.”
Alice smiles. “Yeah.” She slips into her shoes on her way to the door, stepping outside and letting the door fall closed behind her. It’s certainly nice to know that Lizzie still likes her as a person, despite knowing how she handled things with Camille and Gemma. And maybe Lizzie’s advice is something she should actually listen to, to not be so hard on herself for what happened. Sure, she could have handled everything a lot better, but she’s only human. Humans make mistakes. And she genuinely never thought she’d end up in the situation that she did.
Taking a deep breath, Alice walks to her car, determined to get home and begin the work she knows she needs to do on herself if she wants to be in a better headspace when the season starts. If she’s going to be the Manager of the Lady Greyhounds, she needs to fucking act like one.
When the new season officially starts, Alice tries to tell herself that she’s prepared as much as she possibly can, and now all that’s left is to actually be the manager. She’s nervous, of course, but incredibly excited for what’s to come as well.
She makes sure to get there before anyone else, to get set up at her desk with the door to the office propped open so the players can come to her if they need anything before entering the locker room. She did a lot of work on herself over the last bit of summer to make sure she was in the right headspace and relatively healed emotionally from everything that went down when summer started. She’s sure there’s still some work that can be done, but for the most part, she’s happy with the progress she’s made.
Ted and Beard arrive not long after she does, and the players start filing in shortly after. She takes particular notice of Lizzie and Boots walking in together, smiling to herself that, as far as she knows, she’s the only one who knows about the two of them. She’s confident that they’ll be able to maintain professional boundaries during training and games, but she makes a mental note to keep an eye just in case she needs to step in somehow.
Once they’re out on the pitch, and everyone’s getting back into the groove of the season, Alice reminds herself to breathe, to focus on helping her players become the best that they can be on the pitch so they can make themselves and their loved ones proud. She only finds it minutely crazy that she’s the one leading everything this time instead of Ted. Now he’s taking point from her, helping her to achieve her own goals for this team. But it’s also an incredible feeling to be the one at the top.
The one thing she’s tried not to think about since coming into the building this morning is Gemma. A lot of the work she did on herself was about truly understanding how much she hurt Gemma by both her actions and inactions. She could have seriously ruined the team dynamics, and it’s still entirely possible if Gemma told more of the team about what happened and they’re not quite as understanding about it all as Lizzie is.
But so far, everything’s been fine, aside from her not knowing entirely how to act around Gemma. She can’t avoid her, of course, given that she’s head coach and Gemma’s a starting player. But she does try to keep their interactions to as much of a minimum as possible, for both their sakes. It’s only the first day of seeing each other since the club, after all, she wants to give it a little more time.
She gives it until the end of the first week of training. It allows them both to learn how to be around each other again in a professional setting and gives Alice a chance to see where Gemma’s headspace might be while around her. She doesn’t seem as hostile as Alice had feared whenever they have to speak to each other, which she ultimately takes as a good sign. There is a bit of a metaphorical chill, though, which hopefully she’ll be able to at least try and fix.
She waits until training is done, when all the players have left the locker room and Ted and Beard have both gone home. She knows Gemma’s gonna be one of the last out, always checking in with Caroline at the end of training to make sure that her knee is still doing fine after a summer of not playing seriously. So she bides her time until she can get her alone. And she really wishes that didn’t sound so creepy.
When she hears the telltale sounds of Gemma gathering her belongings in the locker room, she stands from her chair and makes her way through the adjoining door. She breathes slowly and deeply to steady her heartbeat. “Gemma.”
The woman in question stops and turns, halfway dressed, and maybe Alice should have waited a bit longer before coming in. “What do you want?”
Alice forces her mind to focus and takes another few steps into the room. “Can we talk?”
Gemma eyes her up and down, lips pursed. “I don’t know. Wouldn’t want to misinterpret things. Again.”
Alice nods, grateful that it doesn’t seem as hate-filled as their last conversation. “That is…completely fair. I’m sorry, actually, for not making things clear from the start. I shouldn’t have let things get as far as they did; that’s on me. So in the spirit of trying to be better at communicating, I want to be honest with you right now.” She takes a deep breath. “Camille and I broke up. Not long after the last season ended. She found out about…what happened; we had an argument, and she decided we should end things.”
Gemma throws her hands in the air. “Oh, great, so now I’m a homewrecker. That’s fucking perfect.”
Alice shakes her head. “No, that’s not…it wasn’t the kiss. Or, it wasn’t just the kiss.” She takes another deep breath. “I didn’t meet Camille until well after my injuries, and I was still trying to emotionally distance myself from football, even though I couldn’t stay away from it completely. She doesn’t know the version of me who would train my arse off every single day just to improve even a fraction. She doesn’t know the version of me that gave everything I had to this sport. And I honestly preferred that.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
Alice takes another step closer. “Because for a while it was working. I never talked about work when I was with her; she knew the basics of my time with it, but she never pushed, and I never offered. And it worked. I was able to make time for both, and it was never an issue. Until now. Until this team. Until Ted.” She lets out a breath. “Until you.”
Gemma shakes her head. “Don’t start blaming me for—”
“No, I’m not…Would you shut up? I’m not fucking blaming you. I’m completely to blame, for everything. I wasn’t making time for her anymore, for our relationship. It was straining things, but I didn’t notice it. Or I didn’t want to, because if I did, it might mean losing Camille. And she was honestly the best thing to happen to me after my injury. She was good and kind, and she was exactly the person I felt I needed after all the pain I’d endured.”
“Yeah. I don’t know if hyping up your ex-girlfriend is the best way to go for an apology.”
Alice closes her eyes in frustration and then opens them again. “You’re right, I’m sorry. What I’m trying to get at is that Camille was the best thing to happen to me. Until you came back into my life. I don’t think I wanted to acknowledge it, because I was scared of what it might mean for my relationship with Camille as well as whatever was going on between us. We’re finally on decent footing with each other, and I go and fuck it all up by not just telling you from the start that I had a girlfriend. I honestly don’t know if it would have made much of a difference, though, because I think I would have fallen for you no matter what.”
“You’ve fallen for me?”
The corners of Alice’s lips quirk. “To quote yourself back to you, of course I fucking have. You’re completely maddening, and you frustrate me to no fucking end, but I also can’t stop thinking about you, and that kiss has kept me up so many nights because I really would like to experience it again. And I know this isn’t exactly ethical with me being your coach and all, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t really care because I love you so fucking much and I know I’d never be able to stop thinking about the possibility of being with you if I don’t try.”
Gemma’s quiet for a long moment and then raises a brow. “Are you done?”
Alice opens her mouth, then closes it and pushes her lips tightly together. She nods once.
Gemma nods back. “Good.” She takes a deep breath. “You really hurt me, Alice, by leading me on, even if it was unintentional, and not telling me you had a girlfriend in the first place. Like you said, we were finally in a good place, and then I had the rug ripped out right from under me. That’s not a good feeling. I felt like a fucking idiot. I don’t want to ever feel like that again.”
“I know. And I promise I will be kicking myself every day for the rest of my life because of how much I hurt you. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. Because I love you. And you don’t have to forgive me, and I’m sure your feelings have probably changed by now, but I just needed to—”
“They haven’t.”
Alice pauses, brows furrowing as she processes Gemma’s words. A small sliver of hope ignites inside her, but she tries to ramp it down so it doesn’t get too big for the situation. “What hasn’t?”
Gemma rolls her eyes, the corners of her mouth twitching. “My feelings, you fucking dork. My feelings for you haven’t changed. Despite me trying to make them.”
“Yeah, I don’t think it works like that.”
Gemma raises a brow. “Oh, so you’re an expert then?”
Alice scoffs lightly. “Clearly, not. But I don’t think anyone can just…will their feelings to be nonexistent. Trust me, I’ve tried, and it’s no use. The world doesn’t work that way and you shouldn’t—Why are you looking at me like that? Stop it.”
Gemma shakes her head, a different sort of smile on her face. “No.” She steps closer, crowding into Alice’s space, lifting her hands to cup Alice’s face. “You’re sure about this?”
Alice nods without hesitation. “More sure than I’ve been about a lot of things in my life. I’m so sorry for hurting you. It’s driven me mad all through the break knowing that I made you feel that way. I never, ever want to hurt you again.”
Gemma grins, closing the space between them in an instant, her hands slipping around to Alice’s neck and pulling her close.
Unlike the last time, Alice reacts quickly, kissing Gemma back just as fiercely, her hands landing on the other woman’s waist, squeezing gently. The reality of Gemma’s lips on hers again is so much better than the memory that she feared would eventually slip away. And it’s the best fucking feeling in the entire world, to finally have her.
Gemma leans away after a moment, smirking. “Just so you know, if you ever let another woman kiss you, I’ll actually fucking murder you and everyone on the team will be my alibi.”
“Yeah. Goes without saying. But I can promise you right here that no one will ever again be in doubt as to my relationship status.”
Gemma grins. “Good.” She leans back in for another kiss, slower this time and a bit less frantic.
Alice matches the energy, pouring everything she has into the kiss, needing Gemma to know with more than just her words exactly how she feels. She’ll worry about the optics and ethics later, about what exactly it means for their professional lives now that they’re romantically involved. Because she’s got Gemma in her arms, kissing her like she’s never been kissed before, and it’s absolutely everything she never knew she wanted out of life.
And much later on down the road, whenever she introduces herself as Gemma Jay’s girlfriend, then fiancée, then wife…well, the satisfied grin on Gemma’s face is the singular best part of every one of those interactions. She finally understands why people love to talk about their personal lives so much.