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Sausage winced, sliding down the hill as he followed his friends. Friends. That word was something Sausage could seldom use to help describe his life, with the being poor and such. He was happy with the Feather Holders, really! But… he couldn't stop thinking of Nikki. His little brother. How could Sausage stand here, laughing and having fun while Nikki was probably wondering the River of Styx, alone and afraid. He'd promised to protect his little brother. He had failed.
Failed the only good thing in his life before this. Failed his little brother. Failed Nikki. He was too weak to keep Nikki safe. NOT ENOUGH-
"Sausage?" Apo asked, snapping him back to reality. He blinked, and realized that everyone was staring at him. He chuckled awkwardly.
"Sorry! I just zoned out of a second. What were you saying?" he said, avoiding Pearl's gaze. He didn't know why she was staring at him, but it was getting rather weird.
"You ok?" Owen asked, his brow furrowed. Sausage nodded, hoping that they would stop focusing on him so much.
"Yep! Don't worry Owen. I'm fine." He looked at Apo instead, forcing a grin. "You were saying something about the blessing?"
"Yes. I was thinking that we could try to see if they want to take it first. If they do, we'll have to take both."
Sausage blinked, looking at Apo nervously. "Won't that make them more angry though? They already hate our guts. Especially Nicos."
Apo sighed, shaking her head. "Sausage, we talked about this. We have to fight to win. They probably already hate us."
He bit his lip, shoving down the protests he had. "Ok," he said, nodded softly and looking away again. He followed the group, heading towards their base, the bridge. It was quite beautiful. He'd spent 2 days straight building on it, and it was nice.
Nikki would've loved it, he thought distantly.
He shook his head minutely at that, as if he could get rid of the memories that plagued him. A hand on his shoulder jolted him out of his thoughts, and he jumped, leaping up into the air, before looking down. He sighed in relief, and smiled awkwardly at Pearl.
"Sorry," she said, laughing as he came down. "I didn't mean to startle you. Or maybe I did. Who knows?"
She grinned, before her expression became more serious. "Are you ok Sausage? You seem to be a bit… spacey." She tilted her head, the wings on top fluttering a bit in response to her emotions.
"Yep! Don't worry about me Pearl," he replied, turning around, realizing that he had stopped at the edge of the bridge, and had just been standing there. He hoped he hadn't worried anyone. Walking swiftly down the path, Sausage resolutely avoided any gaze and headed straight to their room. It was almost night time anyways, so they would be coming in soon anyways.
That was a good enough excuse.
He curled up in his bed, trying to even his breathing. Today was going to be one of those days huh? The days where everything led him his little brother, slaughtered right in front of him, bleeding on the floor, all alone, surrounded by those cruel, hurtful men, the men that grabbed Sausage, stabbed him, beat him, hurt him-
NO.
Gods, Sausage was so selfish. He had made Nikki's death about him. He swallowed, tears pricking his eyes. Eventually, as the Pearl, Own and Apo trickled in, Pyro no doubt behind them, Sausage was finally able to sleep. He was safe. No one could get him here. He was surrounded by friends. Unlike Nikki how died alone when Sausage had sworn to protect him.
…
Sausage jolted awake, a scream catching in his throat. Just a dream. Nothing more. It was just a dream. Sausage was safe. He wasn't down in a dingy cell, screaming and pleading to people who closed their ears off to the pleading of empathy. No. Sausage was with his friends.
He got up, careful not to awaken any of them as he stepped out to get a breath of fresh air. Walking up to the ledge of one side, Sausage took a deep breath of air, trying to push away the memories.
His torso twinged, reminding him of the wounds he had ignored. A sick reminder of his time after Nikki was gone. He unwrapped the bandages, wincing at the state of them. The smell hit his nose, and Sausage felt something like shame curl in his chest. It was disgusting, he was disgusting.
He felt a tear slip down, and then another, and another. Gods, he was too weak for this. He couldn't do this. He couldn't do this. He sobbed, curling up against the wall, his half unwrapped bandages forgotten. Nikki had died for Sausage's mistakes, and he didn't even manage to avenge him. Nikki would walk the River of Styx all alone, and Sausage will have squandered away his little brother's childhood.
He shut his eyes, desperately trying to unsee the memories. He wasn't there in time. He wasn't strong enough. Nikki was going to stay dead because Sausage couldn't do this. He couldn't-
Sausage flinched, a hand landing on his shoulder.
No no no no he couldn't handle another session no no no no-
"Sausage, are you ok?"
He blinked, swiping off the tears rolling down his cheeks and staring at the speaker. Oh. It was Apo. He managed a weak smile, but it didn't seem to reassure her. She was staring at his chest he realized, a small jolt of panic hitting him.
He hadn't covered up his wounds. He scrambled up, probably looking like a cornered animal.
"Sausage, calm down." Pearl said, her usually mischievous voice subdued. His breath hitched, and more tears rolled down his face.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Apo asked her brow furrowing. She was concerned. Owen just faced him, and while he couldn't tell what the blind(?) champion was thinking, he wasn't sure if Owen knew already or no.
"It-" he muttered, cutting himself. Owen stepped forward, taking one of hands in her own.
"Its ok," she said, giving him a reassuring smile before guiding him to sit back down. Sausage looked away, avoiding his friends gazes as Owen began to apply new bandages to the wounds. Pearl had a strained smile as she sat next to them.
"Who did this to you?" Apo said, resting a feathered wing on his back as she joined the group.
"The guards. They caught me while I was trying to steal from the king." he said quietly, clenching his hands into fists. Apo silently snarled, her hatred for the royals amplifying her anger. Owen's face simply softened even more, and finished applying the new bandages, stepping back to give him space.
"Are you ok with going back to sleep?" Owen asked, placing his cane down as she turned towards their bedroom.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Sausage replied, getting up and wiping the final tears off his cheeks. He let Apo guide him back with her big wings, and settled between her and Owen this time, Pearl at the side of the bed.
"Go to sleep Sausage," Apo murmured, shifting so that her wings weren't under her. "We can talk tomorrow."
Friends. That was a word Sausage could seldom use to help describe any part of his life until now. He hoped Nikki wasn't alone right now. And if Sausage died, he would find his little brother. He wouldn't let them be separated ever again. That was a promise. And with that thought, Sausage drifted off to sleep.