Chapter Text
It had all started with that phone call.
Well, after a few phone calls. The first time Sonja had reached out to him was not long after Isak and Even had gotten together. At Isak’s surprise, Even had taken his phone away and hung up on Sonja for him. Isak had pretty much ignored her after that moment. It was in no small part based in the jealousy he’d felt towards her before and the fear that contact—any contact—might reverse the progress he’d made. She was just mad that he got Even in the end, right?
And…he still had Even, didn’t he?
Their second talk had been on the night of Even’s manic episode. He was already rattled, fraying at the edges when he finally had Sonja on the other line. The phone call itself wasn’t what had hurt him—it was their meeting afterwards. He had felt immediate relief in knowing Even was safe, something that had overridden even Sonja’s involvement at the time. She knew Even, after all, and that was better than him being alone. It was mixed with confusion and fear on is own end, not knowing what the hell was happening. And when her words cut through those—he’s manic. Do you think he’s in love with you? —reality left him raw and open to all the worst possibilities.
It hadn’t been a good night for anyone at that point. The thought of ever talking to her again…Isak had been fairly confident he wouldn’t be welcome into any part of Even’s life at that point. If it hadn’t been for his friends, for their care and support, he may not have made it.
And, strangely, not without Sonja either.
The third conversation had come as a surprise. Even was asleep in his room, as he had been most of the day and night at that point. For as much as her words had hurt him, and from the perspective that Magnus had given him, Isak knew that she and Even’s parents would likely want to know where their son was. He lifted his phone from where it sat on his chest and held it in front of him as he began to type.
Hi Sonja. I just wanted to tell you that Even is
with me if his parents are worried or anything.
And I’m sorry if it’s because of me that he’s
not well.
Maybe he didn’t need to add that last part. Magnus had said that Sonja was probably just pissed off or jealous, but Isak couldn’t really remove his involvement from all of this. His words had hurt Even, Even has struggled to contain this. He shouldn’t have had to. Isak wasn’t sure when he wouldn’t feel guilty about that.
But after he hit send, he rested the phone back on his chest, turning his attention to the sleeping boy next to him. He had made mistakes—many mistakes—and he couldn’t take them back, but knowing that there was a chance for all this didn’t so much give him solace, but gave him a motivation he hadn’t felt before. Staring at the back of Even’s head, feeling him close and warm, heavy as the air around them felt, reminded Isak that it wasn’t over yet.
The surprise came when his phone began to buzz. Isak’s brows raised as he looked down at the device, sparing a glance at Even before pushing himself out of bed.
“Hi,” he answered quietly, already knowing who it was. Somehow he didn’t feel as nervous as he had the other times she had reached out to him.
“Hi,” Sonja responded.
There was a quiet pause on both ends. Isak felt the need to explain himself, eyes falling to the hardwood floor.
“I don’t have…the number for his parents, so…” He didn’t need to finish his sentence.
“Yeah.” She was short, but seemed to feel it was better to follow up. “No, but they know he’s with you. He’s sent them a text.”
That came as a surprise as well. He told his parents? When? It did show that his assumption was right, that Sonja would have been in contact with them regardless.
“Okay.”
Silence again. Isak licked his lips. Though his intent had just been to make sure Isak’s parents wouldn’t be worried, there were other things on the tip of his tongue. Things mixed in confusion, things that might have been anger before but have ebbed since then. Isak Valtersen knew how to be petty, yet all the urge had died for the moment.
“Um—“ She began on the other end. Isak stayed quiet. “I just called to say…that I’m sorry for the other night.”
“Oh.” She…what?
“Um…” That was something he hadn’t expected at all. She had every right to be upset, right? It was easy for him to be upset at himself sometimes as well, but honestly, Isak just felt exhausted. Would he have wanted an apology from her otherwise? Maybe. But with one presented to him, he wasn’t sure if that made things better or not. His lips hung open dumbly for a moment before he shook his head, waving it off.
“It’s okay.”
Her apology didn’t feel like a victory at all. She wasn’t still a rival for Even’s affections, was she? No, she just…
“No, but I didn’t mean to get angry with you. It wasn’t your fault. At all.”
It wasn’t your fault. At all.
Isak swallowed. No, she was just someone else that had been scared for Even too.
“Yeah, but…well, you…you were worried, probably. So I understand.”
“Mmm…” A thoughtful hum on her end. “And it’s not your fault that Even is depressed. He’s bipolar and…”
And this was just what happens afterwards, right? That’s what she meant, wasn’t it?
“Well, it’s not your fault.”
It’s not your fault.
“Okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed almost silently.
“Okay.” She sighed. “Good,” and seemed to be ready to end the call, but Isak interjected,
“But…” But? “Should I get him to his parents or something?” For all the research he’d done online, for the bits of wisdom that Magnus had shared with him, Isak was still horribly new to all of this. And with Even in his bed, Isak felt not necessarily a sense of responsibility, but a desire to do what it was that he needed. He’d taken care of his mother at times, but it hadn’t been like this. And this was different. Even wasn’t his mother.
Only you can feel what you feel, he’d told Even once, agreeing with him when Even had been explaining why things were so difficult with Sonja. And yet, there was, asking for the next step. He wasn’t sure if he actually wanted it or he just wanted to hear what she would say. Whether he liked it or not, Sonja was more experienced with this, and a large part of him worried that when Even woke up Isak wouldn’t be able to help him how he needed.
What was it that he needed?
“I—“ She almost stuttered, which seemed to be wholly unlike her for their few interactions. “I actually think it’s good for him to be with you.”
What?
“Hm.” Another thoughtful hum.
Isak was dumbfounded.
Good for Even to be with him? This was coming from the woman who, arguably in no small part due to her own hurt, had told Isak to stay away from Even. The world was turning in such strange ways that Isak wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Okay,” Sonja started again to end the conversation. Yet once again, Isak stumbled in another question.
“Okay, um—“ Silence fell as she waited. “Is there anything I can do? For him?”
When she spoke again, her own voice sounded much quieter. “No, not really. You just need to…you just need to be there for him. And when everything seems hopeless, you just take one day at a time. And if one day becomes too much, then just take one hour at a time. And if one hour gets too much, you just take one minute at a time.”
She didn’t try to end the call at his silence that time. The words took their time to sink in for the both of them. Was this how Sonja had weathered through Even’s manic and depressive episodes before? One minute at a time?
Finally, Isak breathed out into the receiver, “Okay. I can do that.”
A short pause, and then, “Okay.”
“Thanks.”
“Mhm.”
That was the last time they spoke.
Until now.