Work Text:
She figures she can't bother pondering when they became so dysfunctional because that would imply that they were, at some point in the past, functional. And maybe they were or are in some sort of screwed up way they've come to understand. Because it's a love triangle gone threesome and it's clearly not enough for any of them, but it's not like they're not used to this whole arrangement, the only difference is that yes they do fuck now. So really it shouldn't hurt so bad (like a kunai to the chest) because they all already know this- only it does.
Because Sakura wants Sasuke, who wants Naruto, who only wants her. So instead they just take the scraps they can get. Because Sakura can have the babies (be the brood mare), and Naruto can see that Sasuke is pretty enough to almost be a girl, and Sakura can remember Naruto and how he holds her together and how Sasuke was their everything for a while and they can pretend it works out.
She wants it to work out (she thinks they all do- it's in Sasuke's gazes sometimes still assessing but trying to understand, and Naruto's eyes and smiles and touch and letting them touch him and trying not to flinch away from it because as much as he craves it, it was always him doing the touching, reaching out to them).
And for all her brains she can't figure it out. Can't explain why it doesn't.
Why she just can't love Naruto in the way she wants to and he deserves, because she trusts him with her life, with everything, with her- and they're having sex and he's gorgeous and attentive and she should be in love but she's not (and they're all just trying so hard and it's not fair because it's not going anywhere, it's not helping).
And maybe she doesn't love Sasuke the right way either because, sometimes, she resents him too because he can't love her the way she wants either but she thinks sometimes that he doesn't even try. And sometimes the little part of her, that traitorous stupid part of her says she should just ditch him and run off with Naruto.
But after all this time and all this effort it would be like tearing out a part of her soul because everything she had was for this boy. He made her. And Naruto held it together. And still did for both of them. And all they did was hurt him and each other but they couldn't leave either.
And it wasn't all just because of the sex either (though Sasuke's sharingan, Naruto's boundless chakra and energy, and her control and sensitivity left them all wow- or at least she thought it did hoped it did because it seemed to do that to them and she knew it did that to her). They were all just bad at communicating. And this was a way for them to all be together, to be closer, to not have to explain or worry. Because she liked the security in knowing that the boys were lying there with her, within arm's reach, not going anywhere. They're still those same lonely, insecure little children but at least now they can selfishly cling to each other, try to fill that loneliness together. Even if they can't ever move past that. It's messy, and complicated, and it hurts, and it's wrong, but they're ninja and they might all die tomorrow so they live in the now and it's the best they have and can get. She can't say she regrets it but she wishes things were different. Had worked out different, easier, for all of them.