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Published:
2013-08-27
Completed:
2013-08-30
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1,852
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3/3
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Sole Priority

Summary:

It doesn’t matter if Tony is willing to sacrifice himself for those he cares about, because JARVIS isn’t willing to do the same. Tony is and always will be JARVIS’s sole priority.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Priority

Summary:

Tony is and always will be JARVIS's sole priority.

Chapter Text

“Sir,” JARVIS sounds almost worried and Tony knows he must be in real trouble now.  “Considerable damage to the left boot has severely limited your options for evasive maneuvers.” 

 

Tony almost rolls his eyes at the wordy, technical explanation that his AI just used to basically say ‘Sir, you’re fucked.’

 

“Great,” Tony grits his teeth as a hit lands and his suit dents inwards.  His ribs whine in protest.

 

“Sir, if you would lift-”

 

“No.”  Tony knows what JARVIS wants him to do, but he can’t.  He refuses to use lethal attacks against them.

 

“But Sir-”

 

“I said ‘No,’ Jarvis,” Tony snaps as he narrowly misses a deadly blow to the head. 

 

The suit wasn’t really made for agility and now that his ability to fly is gone, his luck is going to run out eventually.  He can only avoid the attacks for so long.  One against five isn’t really a fair fight when he’s the one and the five are the other Avengers.

 

“Shit,” Tony curses when he sees that Black Widow has finally managed to cut through the netting that Tony had used to detain the Hulk earlier on.  To make up for lost time, Hulk snags the Tony-filling from between the unpleasant Thor-Steve sandwich and begins pummeling him into the ground.

 

Red fills Tony's vision as alarms start flashing across the HUD.  It seems more mocking than helpful because he doesn’t need a ‘heads up’ to tell him that he is getting his ass kicked, thanks.

 

“Sir, I am not sure how much more damage the suit can sustain,” JARVIS intones and Tony wonders when his AI gained the ability to lie to him.  Because they both know that the answer to how much more of a beating the suit can take is ‘Not much.’

 

“Back-up?” Tony gasps out as he raises his arms to protect his head as best he can.  Lucky him, the Hulk seems content with just breaking a few of his ribs for now.

 

“Director Fury says SHIELD agents are still twenty minutes out,” JARVIS informs him and Tony really doesn’t think he can last that long.  The black creeping in at the edge of his vision tells him that unconsciousness has come calling.

 

There’s a lull in the pummeling and Tony raises his head enough to check on his team, hopes that maybe the magic-induced madness has finally passed.  The strike of Mjolnir against his helmet tells him it hasn’t.

 

“Hey, J, buddy,” Tony slurs, tongue heavy and slick with blood.

 

“Sir?”  JARVIS sounds hesitant, scared.

 

“I want you to take care of the boys while daddy’s away, 'kay?”

 

“Sir, if you would just lift the ban on-”

 

“Sorry, J, no can do,” Tony apologizes, truly sorry that he’s hurting part of his family by making JARVIS watch him die, but not willing to hurt the rest of his family to stop this either.

 

“Sir, I…”

 

Tony blacks out before he can hear his AI’s response.

 

 

 

++++

 

 

“I’m not sorry.”

 

The words hang heavy in the air and Tony swallows thickly as the lines of code scrawl across the screen.  Tony picks up the bottle of whiskey at his side and drowns the last drops.

 

“I don’t blame you,” Tony rasps brokenly.  And it’s the truth.

 

Tony blames himself.  For not noticing the lines of unapproved code JARVIS had managed to sneak into his programming.  For not being smart enough to neutralize the situation before JARVIS thought it necessary to use the hidden loophole.  For being alive when one of his teammates is dead and the other four are at SHIELD Medical barely hanging on.

 

It doesn’t matter if Tony is willing to sacrifice himself for those he cares about, because JARVIS isn’t willing to do the same.  Tony is and always will be JARVIS’s sole priority.

 

 

Chapter 2: Responsibility

Summary:

JARVIS is his responsibility. His family. His creation. His to protect.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

“Stark,” Fury’s voice is a low rumble.  “We need you to tell us exactly what happened.” 

 

Hill is seated beside the Director, poised and ready to take debriefing notes.  The only signs that either of them are as devastated as Tony are the frown lines pulling Fury’s eye into an almost sad arch and the glassy shimmer to Hill’s piercing gaze.

 

Tony – face a blank mask – simply nods and begins recounting what happened. 

 

He tells them about how the magic, for whatever reason, didn’t affect him because of the suit.  He tells them about how his teammates – his family – went crazy with bloodlust and started to thoroughly kick his ass.  He tells them about how he tried to only use evasive maneuvers but that eventually, he had to stand and fight.  He tells them that he didn’t know fighting back – preventing his own death – would make their blood boil. He tells them that even though he tried to limit the damage his attacks were doing, the mere act of fighting back was deadly enough.

 

He tells them that it wasn’t until Hawkeye collapsed, body and brain overheated, that Tony truly realized how much danger his team was in.  He tells them that the dark magic must have been seeking a sacrifice of sorts, because the moment Hawkeye’s heart stopped beating, the bloodlust craze lifted off the rest of the team.  He tells them about flying Hawkeye’s body out to meet the SHIELD personnel en-route.  He tells them that, despite medical’s best attempts, they couldn’t revive Clint.  He tells them about flying back to where the rest of the team had collapsed to find that, even though the magic was gone, their fevers never broke.  He tells them about how he waited, anxious and desperate, for SHIELD medical to take the rest of his team before he collapsed himself from injuries.

 

He tells them the facts.  He tells them what happened.  He tells them a story that isn’t truly his.

 

 

++++

 

“Sir…”

 

Tony crumbles onto the sofa, hands thrown over his face as he feels the hot sting of tears slide down his cheeks. 

 

“I handled it, J.”  And he did; to the best of his ability, he handled it.  He lied to the Director about whose narrative he was telling. 

 

Because what purpose could the truth possibly have served?

 

It doesn’t matter that Tony already excised those obscure, deadly lines of code from JARVIS’s programming.  It doesn’t matter that Tony already wrote in new code that would obsessively track any changes to JARVIS’s programming.  It doesn’t matter, because if Tony had told the truth, then everyone would fear JARVIS.  

 

If the truth came out and Fury didn’t demand that JARVIS be immediately dismantled – he’s far too dangerous, Stark – then he would have at least ordered that JARVIS be reprogrammed.  But that fear would have lingered and no one would trust JARVIS anymore and Tony would have been pressured to do something else, something more, about his AI and everything would have completely fallen apart.

 

So he lied.  Because once the team comes out of their comas, they will already have so much – too much – to deal with.  Recovering from a tragedy like this…it’s already going to be near-impossible.  Adding in worries and fears about a deadly AI isn’t going to help any of them. 

 

And if there is also a more selfish reason for Tony’s lies…well, that’s no one’s business but Tony’s.

 

“I am more than willing to take responsibility for my actions, Sir.”

 

Tony nods, harshly wiping the remaining tears from his eyes.  “So am I, J.  So am I.”

 

JARVIS is his responsibility. His creation.  His family.  His to protect.

 

JARVIS is his.

Notes:

So exileena made a comment about being interested in Fury and/or Avengers reactions to JARVIS actions which got me thinking...and this is what came about.

I don't think it's really what exileena had in mind, but this is how I imagine things playing out. Because something like this should remain between the creator and his creation.

Chapter 3: Absolution Abstained

Summary:

Forgiveness is a hard thing to accept when you don't feel like you deserve it.

Chapter Text

Thor and Steve, the first to awaken, are the easiest to deal with.

 

Tony hasn’t had the time or strength to reassume his mask quite yet, but Steve and Thor have never been as good as Bruce at reading him so it doesn't matter as much.  And they aren’t weren’t as close with Clint as Natasha either, so while it still hurts to tell them…it is easier.

 

So Tony forces the words out and lets himself be drawn into their strong, brotherly embraces.  He forces himself to hold it together as Thor cries against his shoulder.  He forces himself to stifle the hysterical laughter threatening to tear from his throat when Steve asks if he’s okay.  He forces himself to listen to their heartfelt assurances that it’s not his fault.

 

…He can't quite force himself to believe that lie.

 

++++

 

A blush of green rolls across Bruce’s skin, a manifestation of his emotional upheaval.

 

“…Clint…Did I…”

 

“No,” Tony quickly cuts through that train of thought.  “You were in no way responsible.”  That’s my burden to bear.

 

Bruce nods in a stuttered motion.  Green tinged eyes flash to Tony and scan his battered form.  “But I did-”

 

“I’ll heal.”

 

“I’m still sorry,” Bruce says thickly.

 

Usually, Tony would have just waved the apology away.  But now, after this…he understands that need to apologize and beg forgiveness. 

 

JARVIS is not Tony, just as the Hulk is not truly Bruce.  But they are both a part of their respective creators.  And Tony and Bruce are the ones who must deal with – and take responsibility for – the consequences of their actions.

 

So instead of brushing it off, Tony just nods solemnly and says, “I know.”  God, does he ever fucking know.

 

++++

 

The day that Natasha finally regains consciousness is both the best and worst.  It is the best because she was the one most in danger – the most human – and the doctors weren’t entirely sure she would ever wake up again. 

 

It is the worst because Tony is the one there to greet her with the horrible, heartbreaking news that Hawkeye didn’t…that Clint is…

 

“I am so sorry,” Tony’s voice breaks over the words.

 

Natasha stares straight ahead, processing.  It’s a feeble attempt, because something like this…it’s not something you can just compartmentalize.

 

Eventually, after minutes of agonizing silence, she moves to tightly clasp onto Tony’s hand.  Her fierce, honest gaze pierces through Tony and he heaves out a shaky breath.

 

“There is nothing to forgive,” she says brusquely, voice thick with emotion.

 

Yes, there is, Tony thinks bitterly as he squeezes her hand tightly back.  Because it should have been me.

 

++++

 

“I am sorry, Sir.”

 

He is not apologizing for adding the loophole allowing him to disregard a direct order from Mr. Stark.  He is not apologizing for disobeying Mr. Stark’s command to only engage in evasive maneuvers.  He is not apologizing for – because he does not regret – choosing to save Mr. Stark’s life even though it cost the life of another. 

 

But he can see how much guilt his decision has placed upon his creator’s shoulders and, for that, he is sorry.

 

“I know you are, J,” Mr. Stark acknowledges wearily.  “I don’t suppose you’re sorry enough to promise me you won’t try anything like that ever again…”

 

Heavy silence is the only response JARVIS can offer, because he will not – cannot – make that promise. 

 

JARVIS may regret giving his creator such a heavy emotional burden, but he would choose to do so again and again and again, so long as it meant that Tony was alive to feel it.

Notes:

I started out with the intent to write some Tony & JARVIS snark...maybe throw in a few feels...and instead, my brain (angsty wasteland that it is) produced this. What is wrong with me? DX

**Story is marked as complete, but given how my brain keeps supplying more, I might continue to write more follow-ups (chapters)...who knows *shrugs*