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For some reason, Jamal decides to take up knitting in the beginning of November.
Michael finds out about it when he's sitting down on Jamal's couch and Jamal goes to show him the hat he made.
Jamal had less courses than all of their friends this semester and they went out to the pitch to play much less frequently in winter. So, Jamal was getting bored with how much time he had on his hands.
Somehow he had gotten into his head that he needed a creative hobby and needed to do something with his hands.
"Isn't that an old lady hobby?" Michael calls after him.
"You know, my grandma taught me chess," Jamal shouts back from his room.
Fair enough, Michael thinks.
Michael leans back into the couch cushions when Jamal appears in the living room again, holding something bright red.
It would be reasonable to assume this was the alleged hat, but Michael would not have been able to tell that if he didn't know.
For one it looks too big and long for any human head, more the size of a very large hood. It was also strangely lumpy, with some small holes throughout.
Jamal clutches it against his chest protectively.
"You can't laugh. Phonzy already laughed."
"I wasn't going to!"
Michael really wasn't going to. Not with the shy and proud way Jamal was holding that thing, he couldn't make fun of Jamal when he looked like that.
"You made that?"
"I know I fucked up a little, but I'm proud that I finished it."
"It looks a bit big," Michael tries carefully.
"Yeah, I used needles that were too big. And I dropped some stitches, but now I know better for next time."
Michael doesn't know what a dropped stitch is, but he nods along nonetheless. He's a bit scared of the use of "next time".
"It's a nice color," he tries, wanting to support Jamal's endeavor but not entirely sure how sincere a praise would sound.
"Right?"
"I still think you're a grandma, but it's sweet how excited you're getting about it."
Jamal smiles back at him, then looks down at his hat again and the smile drops a little.
"Phonzy said it was ugly."
Michael doesn't even have to fake outrage, because how dare Phonzy insult Jamal's little craft project when he looked so proud presenting it.
"That's just rude."
"He said it's lumpy and looks like shit."
"I'll kill him."
At least that makes Jamal laugh again.
"I mean it's a bit ugly, but I thought for the first thing I ever made... I mean it's shaped like a hat."
Michael really wasn't sure that it was. He guessed it looked more like a hat than, for example, a car did.
"Don't let Phonzy get to you, it's a nice hat."
Jamal looks like he's doubting Michael, so Michael reaches out and puts the alleged hat on his head.
He has to fold the brim over twice in order to still be able to see, and he can feel the thing still slipping down. At the back, the baggy top part is hanging down to his neck. His finger almost gets stuck in one of the holes.
It's worth it for how happy Jamal looks though.
"Red suits you," Jamal grins. He reaches out and folds the brim over another time. Michael is surprised he can still hear with how thick the fabric is folded over his ears.
"Phonzy just doesn't recognize your talent,” Michael teases.
"You're right, he’s just jealous."
"Seriously though, don't let that get you down."
"I think I'm over it. You look really cute Mikey," Jamal says, fixing yet another part of the hat.
Michael can feel the heat rising to his cheeks from Jamal calling him cute, even though he knows he only means the hat.
"Do you want to keep it?"
Michael did not expect that question. He absolutely does not want to, but Jamal looks so hopeful when he asks that there's no way Michael could say no.
And just like that, Michael leaves Jamal's apartment with an unusually heavy and large, bright red hat on his head.
He notices people on the street vaguely staring at him. He doesn't have it in him to be mad at them, he would stare too if he was in their position.
But alas he was not. He was in the position of having a pathetically large crush on Jamal. One that made him do things like walk half an hour through Munich with a humongous hat-adjacent object on his head.
At least the thing smelled faintly of Jamal's cologne.
Michael dreads coming home, because he has an idea of how Ebs is going to react to him, but it doesn't feel right to hide the hat.
Jamal hangs out at their place often enough, he doesn't want him to think Michael was embarrassed.
Ebs is the only person he's told about his crush, so while he'll no doubt make fun of him, at least he won't have to explain too much.
Ebs, as expected, doubles over with laughter when he sees him. He takes one look at the hat and almost falls from his chair, wheezing with laughter.
It takes so long for him to stop that Michael has time to put away his coat and shoes and go back to Ebs, looking at him with a death stare.
"You finished?"
"Not when you still have that on," Ebs wheezes, seemingly trying to control the laughter but losing the battle.
Putting the hat away with his coat would have been admitting defeat, which is why Michael left it on.
"Explain?"
"Fuck off," Michael says, moving to put on the kettle.
"What is that and why are you wearing it? Also let me get a picture."
Michael does not want a picture of him wearing the red monstrosity. But he has committed to it now, so he settles for glaring at Ebs and giving the finger to his phone camera.
Ebs moves to stand opposite Michael at the kitchen counter, eyeing him.
Michael sighs. He was bound to find out anyway.
"Jamal has taken up knitting."
Ebs tries really hard not to laugh this time, but the corner of his mouth keeps twitching upwards until he doubles over again. He hits his elbow on the edge in the process, laughter turning into cursing.
"That was deserved."
"That hurt, show a little concern."
"You'll survive, not that I care."
"Ouch. Now my elbow and heart hurt," Ebs says dramatically.
Michael pours himself a cup of tea, ignoring Ebs as best as he can.
"So. Jamal is knitting?"
"Yup. He read it's good for your brain and wanted a hobby."
"And he made... that?"
"It's a hat Ebs."
"I was honestly not entirely sure."
"Fuck off," Michael offers again, smiling politely.
"And you're wearing it because...?"
Michael looks at Eze exasperated.
"Because he was really proud of it and Phonzy made fun of him."
Eze looks like he's concentrating really hard to swallow another burst of laughter.
"You know that wearing that is more obvious than if you just wrote "I love Jamal" on your forehead."
"No idea what you're talking about."
"Sure."
"Night Ebs."
Jamal's next project is a scarf, presented to Michael a week later when they meet at a cafe.
He can tell that it's a scarf, at least. It's the same bright red color as the hat, but it doesn't have any obvious holes and looks all together a bit neater.
"Still knitting?"
"I think I'm getting the hang of it. Look, I can purl now-"
Michael dozes off a little when Jamal explains the different knitting stitches to him, but he's content to just look at the excitement lighting up his face.
"I mean, you obviously don't have to, but I thought it would match the hat."
Michael had been expecting this since seeing the color, and holds out his hand for Jamal to hand it over.
He wraps it around his neck, and the ends still hang to the floor. Michael wraps it two more times, his shoulders almost entirely covered now, until the ends are at a normal length.
"I might have made it a bit long," Jamal frowns, as if he’s only now realizing it..
"Could you not have tried it on?" Michael chuckles, his mouth partially hidden by the fabric.
"I had a pattern, I just used how many balls they told me to! Oh no, maybe the gauge was off."
Michael doesn't know what that is.
"I feel like you'd notice at some point that it's four meters long."
Jamal thinks about that.
"I was so happy at how well it was going, I kinda got lost in the flow."
"The ends are pretty," Michael says, twirling the tassels Jamal put on there between his fingers.
Jamal smiles brightly at that, and Michael concedes to owning another piece of humongous red knitwear.
"Ebs," Michael calls out when he gets home. Better get this over with.
"What?" Ebs calls from his room.
"Just come here."
The door to his room opens a second later, and then Ebs is clutching the doorhandle and falling to his knees, giggling.
"Yeah yeah, glad we could get that over with," Michael groans and puts the scarf on the hangers by the door with his coat.
"Jamal's next project?"
"Mhm."
"You know the Lenny Kravitz scarf meme?"
Unfortunately, Michael does.
"I can't even argue with that," he sighs.
Ebs seems delighted about this and moves to inspect Michael's new accessory.
"Did he purchase 100 balls of red yarn and is trying to use them up?"
"I don't know, ask him."
Ebs looks offended.
"You know I'd never be rude to Jamal. That's only reserved for you."
"God, I feel so special."
"I also don't want to risk getting murdered in my sleep for offending Bambi."
"Smart man."
"Michael?"
"Yeah?"
"I know you think confessing your crush would be embarrassing. But-"
"Not but, it would be. Not doing it."
"At what point will Bambi's crochet projects turn out to be more embarrassing than confessing?"
"Knitting."
"What?"
"He's not crocheting, he's knitting."
"Is there a difference?"
"Apparently."
"Sure, my apologies." Ebs smiles like Michael knowing there's a difference is just another proof that he's gone for Jamal.
It probably is. Still doesn't mean Ebs has to look so smug about it.
"Fuck. Off."
"What if he keeps going? He might make you a coat."
"I don't think you can knit a coat."
"You would know."
"I'm very close to punching you."
"Just wondering how many Bambi design creations until you finally decide confessing is the less embarrassing choice."
"He's bound to get better, right?"
Jamal does get better, if slowly.
He switches up his color scheme at least, and presents Michael with black mittens the next time they see each other.
Michael can't remember owning a pair of mittens past the age of seven, and he is not sure if any grown men have ever owned hand-knit mittens before.
"They turned out a bit big," Jamal concedes, "but I figured you can't complain about it."
"Why is that?" Michael asks, stroking his thumb over the soft black wool.
"They fit me just fine, you'd admit to having small hands."
"Maybe you should keep them."
"But I don't need any."
"And I do?"
"Your hands are always cold."
Jamal's concern goes straight to Michael's heart, as does the soft expression on his face.
"Wait, you're not just giving those to me?"
"What do you mean?"
"You made them for me?"
"Yeah. You're always putting your hands in your pockets, as if that would help."
Jamal actually thought about what Michael could want, and no matter the execution, it makes Michael smile stupidly.
"Thank you," he mumbles, trying to hide the smile.
"Try them on?"
Michael does, and they are, in fact, slightly too big. Compared to Jamal's earlier projects though, you'd hardly notice. They look more as if Michael accidentally bought himself something a size too large, they do look like mittens.
"They're really warm," Michael says, lacking compliments about mittens. And they really are warm.
"This lady in the store recommended the wool, Alpaca is supposed to be warm but also soft."
"You went to a wool store?"
"There's one not that far from my house."
"I didn't even know they were wool stores."
"I was the only man there. Actually, I was the only person that was not a grandmother, I think."
Michael laughs. He tries to put a stray lock behind his ear, but it doesn't work with the mittens still on.
Jamal reaches out his hand and tucks it away for him. His fingers graze Michael's head as he does, and he does his best not to lean into it.
"There you go."
"The grandmas must have loved you," Michael attempts as a distraction from his being flustered.
Jamal chuckles.
"They didn't want to let me go. I think I'm all of their honorary grandson now."
Michael can imagine. Jamal was the type of person old women could swoon over, always so sweet and polite.
"Are we losing you to a new friend group?" Michael teases.
"You know, you might. You guys never tell me how handsome I am." Jamal looks like he's considering something. "On the other hand you guys don't pinch my cheeks, I'll stay after all."
Michael chuckles over Jamal absentmindedly touching his own cheek dramatically like he's remembering a war.
When they walk to the metro station together, Michael's hands stay warm even though it's approaching zero degrees.
Jamal notices Michael's hands not being in his pockets and looks satisfied.
Michael looks at the pavement so Jamal doesn't see the stupid smile on his face.
Ebs just headbutts the kitchen table when Michael gets home this time and sighs loudly.
"He's getting better," Michael defends Jamal.
"And you're stupid."
"They're kinda nice," Michael shrugs, taking the mittens off and handing them to Ebs.
Ebs turns them over in his hands, nodding.
"I'm impressed. These are actually mittens. And they feel nice."
"They're Alpaca."
Michael regrets his excited tone the minute he blurts it out.
Ebs raises an eyebrow at him.
"Oh okay. They're Alapca."
"It's warm and soft. Supposedly," Michael mumbles, looking away from Ebs' face.
"I didn't know men could have mittens."
"We're entering fuck off territory again."
"At least no more red. Wait, did he make those for you because you're always whining about your hands being cold?"
Michael chews his lip.
"Maybe."
"Oh my god that is too sweet. Michael, what else does Bambi have to do to make you realize he's also crushing on you?"
Michael looks away from Ebs, shaking his head.
"He's just like that. He pays attention."
"There's a difference between noticing and doing something about it. Especially doing something that takes hours."
"Maybe you're just a bad friend," Michael says. "Come to think of it, why did you never buy me gloves?"
Ebs puts his face in his hands and simply groans.
"I'm making you a sweater," Jamal says the next time they’re hanging out at his apartment.
They're on opposite ends of the sofa, feet touching.
"A sweater?"
"I tried socks, but that was so much harder than it looks." Jamal shudders.
"And you're telling me because?"
"I need to measure you."
Michael blinks slowly, and Jamal reaches behind him and pulls out a measuring tape.
He looks a bit apologetic, and motions for Michael to get up.
Michael lets it happen to him, Jamal's fingers skimming close to his body as he wraps the measuring tape around his chest and waist. Jamal hesitates for a second, then also measures his hips.
Michael's breath hitches for a second, he hopes Jamal didn't notice.
"Why do you keep making things for me?"
"I have more motivation to finish when it's for someone else," Jamal shrugs, looking away from Michael.
That still doesn't explain why he only makes things for Michael, he thinks, but he doesn't ask for more.
He sees Jamal a couple of times without receiving a new gift, so when he's waiting at the coffee shop with a gift bag in his arms, Michael has an idea of what to expect.
What he doesn't expect is an actual sweater, in his favorite shade of purple, that looks almost store bought.
"You made me a sweater."
"I told you I would."
"Jamal you can't keep making me things."
"If you feel really bad, pay for the coffee, otherwise stop complaining."
Michael touches the soft purple fabric, still a bit in awe.
Jamal urges him to try it on, and Michael shrugs off his hoodie and puts the sweater over his shirt.
It fits well, except for the arms, which are a bit too long.
"Got carried away again?" Michael asks, motioning at his hands that are covered in purple fabric.
"No, I made them longer," Jamal says, looking to the floor. "I thought you might like it."
Michael always pulls his sleeves over his hands. It's something he doesn't even notice anymore, but Jamal's sleeves stay perfectly down where he'd pull them otherwise.
"That's- thank you," Michael only manages to say.
"You can only wash it by hand though, the lady in the store was very clear about that."
"You went back?"
"They love me there. I even got cookies," Jamal grins.
He buys Jamal's coffee and thanks him about twenty more times. The sweater stays on for the rest of the day.
Michael walks into the kitchen with his coat still on, stopping in front of the table where Ebs is eating dinner.
"Ebs."
"Michael."
"I'm going to take my coat off."
"Okay?"
"And if you laugh, I will kill you."
Ebs fights a smile.
"Oh, this better be good."
"I'm serious."
Michael takes off the coat, revealing the sweater, sleeves pooling at his hands.
Ebs’ eyes go wide and he blinks slowly.
"Michael. Please tell me your boyfriend made that."
"My good friend and nothing more, Jamal, made that."
"He made you a sweater."
"He really likes knitting."
Ebs looks at him like he's severely doubting Michael's intelligence.
"A purple sweater. Because purple is your favorite color."
"I… suppose."
"Are the sleeves on purpose?"
"He said so."
"He made you extra long sleeves because you always pull them over your hands."
"Yeah."
Ebs shakes his head.
"Michael, what about this is not clicking?"
"That’s just how Jamal is!"
Ebs sighs, looking at the sweater again.
"I don't know shit about knitting, but that would've taken him forever. Like, weeks."
"He enjoys it."
"Then he could make himself a sweater! Michael, that boy has such a huge crush on you, can you please stop being so blind."
Michael sits down at the table, fumbling with the long sleeves.
"You really think that took him weeks to make?"
"Definitely."
It does seem incredibly personal to put that much time into something he thinks Michael might enjoy. Michael toys a bit more with the fabric.
"Are you finally getting it?"
"I might," Michael whispers.
"Finally going to do something about it? Or does Bambi need to knit a house for you two to live in?"
"You definitely can't knit a house."
Michael spends half the night awake, his hat, scarf and mittens lined up on his bed.
He's still wearing the sweater. It's stupidly cozy and it smells like Jamal's apartment.
He googled how much time knitting takes, and it hit him that Jamal had spent most of his free time for the last month making things for Michael.
Michael doesn't know what to do with that.
He had always thought his feelings were one sided. He hadn't even thought about it much, because it seemed so obvious to him.
Jamal was a sweet, happy person, he always thought Jamal would want someone who was just as smiley and bright.
Maybe he doesn't?
The sweater is that exact shade of purple as the one Michael has always had as his profile picture. Since Michael has complained so much about how rarely he can ever find anything in that color, he can't imagine the yarn was easy to find.
The mittens, because Michael was always freezing, and perpetually too cool to buy gloves. Jamal didn't only know that Michael's hands were cold, but also that he'd wear anything Jamal made him.
The hat was only accidentally given to him, but he can guess that the color of the scarf matches because Michael has a bit of a thing about his shoes and bags and other accessories matching with each other. He hadn't even thought of that.
Feeling absolutely stupid, Michael puts on the hat and scarf as well, still sitting on his bed and breathing in the faint scent of Jamal.
Michael pulls up all of his courage the next day. He's supposed to meet Jamal to go to the Christmas market together, and he's walking over half an hour early because he has made a decision.
The decision has him wearing the purple sweater underneath his coat, the hat and scarf on, mittens on his hands.
He looks ridiculous, but he doesn't care. Anything that Jamal spent hours on was a privilege to wear.
He regrets the sentiment when Jamal starts laughing when he sees him, rushing to apologize when he notices Michael's serious expression.
"Oh god, I'm sorry," he breathes. "You just look so adorable right now."
Michael glares at him as he moves past Jamal into the apartment. Adorable though? Interesting.
"You're early," Jamal remarks as he follows Michael, who unceremoniously throws his coat on a chair and sits on the couch.
"I wanted to talk to you."
"The sweater too?" Jamal's smile is so wide that Michael would put on anything if it made Jamal look like that.
"It's warm," Michael says, like that is an explanation.
Jamal sits down across from him.
"I think the colors clash a little."
"I don't care."
"It's not even that cold."
Michael pulls the sleeves over his hands. He barely notices he does that anymore, but Jamal noticed enough to make him longer sleeves.
He takes a deep breath.
"It's not really about the cold."
Jamal chews his lip.
"What do you mean?"
"Jam... this must have taken you forever."
Jamal just nods, like of course he would spend every day making something for Michael.
"Yes?"
"You spent what, every day on it?"
"Most days, yeah," Jamal says simply, leaning his head to the side a bit.
"Why?"
Jamal looks even more confused.
"Why what?"
"Why... would you spend that much time on me?"
Jamal's eyes widen a bit and Michael does his best not to look away from his gaze.
"Why wouldn't I?"
Michael isn't sure how to continue, but Jamal shuffles a bit closer.
"Mikey?"
"Mhm?"
"Why did you keep wearing the hat even though it's really, really ugly?"
"Stop believing Phonzy, it's fine."
Jamal chuckles.
"No, it's really horrible. I mean I was proud when it was the only thing I had ever made, but now that I've gotten better... It's so bad Mikey."
"You were proud of it." "Hm?"
"That's why I keep wearing it."
Jamal's expression goes even softer than it was before.
"You're so cute."
"I'm not."
"Michael, what are we talking about?"
Michael sighs, twirling the ends of the scarf between his fingers again. Now or never.
"I guess I wondered... maybe if you put that much effort into things for me. That-"
The words don't come easy to him, they never have.
Jamal is different though, reaching out to take his hand.
"Are you asking me if I like you?"
Michael looks up at Jamal's big brown eyes, no defenses left.
"Yeah."
Jamal smiles, squeezing his hands.
"I might."
"You might?"
"Tell me why you're wearing my horrible hat and my less horrible other things."
"Because they remind me of you. Because they smell like you."
It's more honesty than Michael is comfortable with, but if anyone deserved it, it was Jamal.
"I might like you a lot," Jamal admits softly, eyes still on Michael.
Michael feels like he can breathe again.
"I-"
Jamal is braver than him, in so many regards.
"I'll only kiss you if you say you like me."
Michael laughs at the presumptuousness, shaking his head softly at Jamal. He raises one hand to cup Jamal's jaw.
"I might like you a lot too. Like, a whole lot," he almost whispers, watching the corners of Jamal's mouth pull up.
His eyes flicker down to Jamal's lips, and the other gives the smallest nod.
Michael closes the distance between them, pulling Jamal's face closer and capturing his lips softly.
Jamal puts a careful hand on Michael's shoulder, kissing him back and smiling into the kiss. He tastes like the Christmas tea he has been buying since October.
They do go out to the Christmas market after all, both too giddy to stay holed up in the apartment when it is still early.
Jamal refuses to let Michael wear the hat, but wraps the scarf around him neatly and kisses the tip of his nose.
The mittens stay in his coat pocket, because Jamal is holding his hand and that turns out to be an even lovelier way to stay warm.