Archive of Our Own

"Alright, I think we've got everything. You ready to head out, Phil?" Techno asks as he looks up from looking in his inventory to look at his friend. His friend finishes fastening the leather sack that was set the floor in front of him before sinching it shut and tossing it over one of his shoulders. He matches Techno's gaze with a smile.

"Ready when you are, mate!"

Phil was wearing his old Antarctic Empire uniform, mostly so that he was matching with Techno who was also wearing his old uniform. After he ran from L'Manburg, he needed a different pair of clothes in order to not stand out as much. Luckily, Phil had him covered there as he had both of their uniforms stored away. He's also helping Techno move of the remaining supplies in his Vault to his new place of residence, a small cabin far away from the Main SMP, in a cold snowy plains biome. The perfect place to retire.

PHILZAAAAAAAAAAA

Philzaaa

Phil

Phil

Best friennds pogggg

TWINSIESSS

we matching

But poor philza, his son is dead

o7

O7

o7

Techno frowns slightly as the voices remind him of Wilbur's death. It was only about a week ago and still a very fresh and sensitive wound for Phil, no matter how hard the older man tried to hide it from him. Techno knew that Phil was just looking for any kind of distraction from his thoughts. He's not opposed to finding things for Phil to do. If the man doesn't want to talk about what happened, he wouldn't push him. But he still wishes Phil would give him time to grieve.

Techno mentally shakes his head and snaps himself free from his thoughts after he realizes he was probably staring for too long. "Yeah, sorry. Let's get going before it gets too late."

They sneak out of the now empty Vault before they set off in the direction that Techno started walking, already knowing where he was going.

"I think you'll like my house, Phil. I worked very hard on it and totally didn't steal the blueprints for it from some random guy I found in the nearby village," Techno explains casually, hoping to get some sort of laugh out of Phil. It was small but he did succeed.

Phil lightly chuckles as he keeps pace with his friend. "No, of course you didn't. You would never do something like that, right?"

"Exactly," Techno drawls with a small smirk, glancing over to his friend whose smile hasn't shifted, not even wobbled. That's how Techno knew he was faking it, but he didn't know hot approach the topic. Phil has been adamant about not talking about what just happened a week ago, seemingly also refusing to acknowledge how he broke down in Techno's arms after Techno found him still holding Wilbur's corpse in his arms, a big patch of Wilbur's blood soaked into the front of his green haori.

He had never seen his friend like that before that night, and it terrified him.

birdzaaaa

poor guyyy

cheer him up!

make him laugh!

KILL HIM

bro shut up no one likes you

ph1love ph1love ph1love

get him to talk!

Techno slightly grimaced at the thought of having to bring up the topic once again. He wasn't good at this kind of thing, but neither is Phil, so I guess he's been beat there.

"Hey, so, Phil?"

"Yeah, mate?"

"Can I ask you something?" Techno carefully begins.

Phil turns his head to look at him. "Of course."

Technoblade takes a deep breath. Here we go, he thought.

"Are you... uh, are you doing alright?"

He watches as his friend refuses to let his expression waver, nodding. "Of course, mate! Why wouldn't I be?" He tilts his head curiously.

Techno sighs. "Phil, come on, you know what I mean... It's only been a week since..." His voice trails off, hesitant to name drop. He didn't have to though, as Phil immediately knew what he was referring to. His smile falls for a moment before he quickly recovers.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Tech. I promise."

Techno looks at him sadly. "Phil..."

Phil looks away, readjusting the sack over his shoulder. "Seriously, it's fine mate. Let's just move on." He replies, avoiding eye contact.

Techno sighs, knowing he won't get anything else out of his friend now, so he drops it, much to the protest of the voices.

"Alright, I believe you then. But you know you can come to me whenever you need, right?" He asks Phil, making to remind him that he doesn't have to go through anything alone.

Phil nods, mustering a small smile. "Yes, I know, but I'll be fine, Techno."

And so they left it that that. Phil quickly changed the subject after that and they continued to talk about literally anything else the way to the snowy plains where they could see Techno's small cabin. Phil helps get everything mostly sorted and settled for Techno and Techno gives Phil a matching friendship emerald earrings he had made for the two of them as repayment, along with a compass that points to Techno's cabin so that Phil could easily find him when he visits.

Phil ended up staying for the night too, sleeping on the floor with Techno before he left the next morning to head back to the location of New L'Manburg to help them rebuild. Techno wasn't very pleased about that but didn't hold it to his friend. He knows this is just what Phil does, and perhaps it's something he needs to do to help him process Wilbur's death, so he's not gonna fault him for it.

He just hopes the old man will eventually let himself grieve.

After the 20th muffled curse coming from outside Techno finally stepped outside to see what Phil was worked up about.

Techno walks down the wooden steps of his cabin and walks around to the side of the house, the freshly laid snow crunching underneath his boots. Phil was currently working on the bee farm Techno commissioned the man to make for him, despite Phil's futile protests to not take any payment. He would come over when he took breaks with helping build New L'Manburg. However, right now, the winged man was sucking on his finger while occasionally flapping it.

"What happened?" Techno asks as he approaches.

Phil lets out an agitated huff. "I feel off the stupid f**cking wall again because my balance is sh*t and this time I got a splinter from trying to grab onto the wood!" He complains while holding his hand to squint at his finger. Techno looks at the wall that Phil was talking about. It wasn't very high, it didn't need to be for the farm, but he knew the man's balance had been off ever since his wing was injured in the blast. The bandages didn't have to be on his wings anymore, but they were still tattered and slightly singed along the edges, at least until those old feathers molt and new, healthy ones grew in.

However, it's been a of an adjustment for Phil, with that wing now being lighter than his other one, making his balance a little less steady than it usually is. He knew it bothered his friend despite how hard he tried to hide it.

"I've got some tweezers inside. I can get the splinter out, and it'll give you a break from building. You must be tired from helping both me and New L'Manburg," Techno offers, nodding towards the house.

"I'm not tired," Phil bites back before he lets out another harsh sigh. "Fine. I'll take a break."

Phil pushes past Techno as he starts stomping towards his house. He didn't take Phil's brashness and anger personally. He knew his friend was going through a lot and he knew Phil didn't mean to act like this towards him.

Techno closes the door behind the two of them and gestures for Phil to sit on the couch before climbs down the ladder to get an aid kit from the basement. Phil plops down onto the couch while still holding his hand, glaring at his pointer finger where he knew there was a sliver that he couldn't see. It hurts like hell.

Techno comes back a moment later with a small red and white box, taking a seat on the couch next to Phil before he opens the med kit up in his lap, taking out the tweezers and sets the kit aside so he can adjust himself properly. He holds out his hand for Phil's hand, whom let him gently grab it to get a closer look at it. It was hard to see, but he could see the tiniest little line stuck in Phil's finger.

"Alright, this will hurt a bit," He warns his friend.

Phil scoffs. "I'll be fine."

Techno uses the tweezers to take the splinter out, causing Phil to hiss a bit but then the pain was gone as soon as Techno removed it and threw it away.

"Now, with that out of the way, I'll make us some lunch." Techno explains as he puts everything away in the med kit before zipping it back up.

"I'm fine, mate. I'm gonna go get some more work done," Phil says, getting ready to stand up but Techno pulls him back.

"Lunch first. Better to go back out with a clear head and calm attitude."

Phil shoots a glare at him. "I am calm!" He snaps.

Techno just raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm fine!" Phil claims.

Techno shrugs. "Still wouldn't hurt to just have some food. It's not gonna take that long."

Phil lets out a groan before he matches over to the dining table and plops into one of the chairs, folding his arms. "Fine. Get to it then."

Techno heads to the kitchen and decides to just make some baked potatoes for the two of them. Something quick and easy since Phil is so determined to get back outside and keep working.

He quickly pops two potatoes into the furnace and after a few minutes, were done cooking. He grabs two glasses of water for the two of them and then starts plating the potatoes cutting them open, allowing steam to rise out from the fluffy insides.

"Did you want anything on your potato?" Techno asks, glancing over to the table where Phil had his back to him.

"Just butter is fine." Phil mutters back.

Techno puts butter on both of their potatoes before bringing everything over to the table, setting a plate and a glass of water in each spot before taking a seat. The two of them eat in silence, the air a little tense. Even the crows - who were sitting in the rafters above them - were nervously quiet from the tense atmosphere.

Techno takes a deep breath as he prepares to say something in hopes of lessening it.

"So..." Techno begins. "When are you heading back to New L'Manburg?"

Phil shrugs as he shoves another bite into his mouth. "Probably after I get the stupid structure for this bee farm built."

Techno hums and takes a couple more bites before speaking again. "You don't have to, y'know. Finish it today, I mean. It's not like I'm in any rush to get it."

Phil's shoulders hike up just slightly as he stares down at the potato that he had almost completely smushed at this point. "I'm fine. I can finish it."

"But you don't have to if you don't want-"

"I SAID I'M FINE!" Phil suddenly shouts, interrupting what Techno was about to say, slamming his fist down on the table and causing it to shake with a loud thud ringing out in the small house.

Techno would be lying if he said he wasn't stunned for a moment. Not out of fear or hurt, just surprise at the sudden outburst from his friend. And to be fair, Phil seemed to immediately regret it after he realized what he just did. His face crumples from one of anger into guilt as he sighs and hides his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry, mate, I didn't mean for it to sound like that..." He mutters, keeping his face hidden behind his hands.

Techno's face softens as he stands up and walks over to Phil's side of the table, resting a gentle hand on his back. "You're alright, Phil. I know you didn't. You're fine."

Phil pulls his hands away from his face to look down miserably at his now mashed potato. "I don't think I'm that hungry anymore..."

"No worries," Techno says with a nod, reaching a hand down to pick the plate up. "I'll clean this up if you want to head back outside. Or you can stay here and rest. It's up to you."

Phil shakes his head. "Nah, I think I'll just rest for a bit before I head back to New L'Manburg," He says as he stands up and walks over to the couch while Techno washes the dishes in the kitchen.

"Take as much time as you need, Phil."

In the end, Techno ended up walking Phil back to New L'Manburg, or at least to the outskirts of it to avoid being seen.

Phil stood on his balcony of his home in New L'Manburg. His arms are crossed and he leans against the railing while staring off into the distance, occasionally looking around at the familiar sights of his son's nation that rose from the ashes. The town square, the docks, the floating lanterns he made with Ghostbur, it was all just one big distraction. A hopeless attempt to keep himself from remembering the events that happened a couple of weeks ago.

He ruffles his wings, slightly wincing as he moves his injured wing. It has healed mostly at this point, but the joints still ached and hurt a bit when he moved them too much or they got too cold. He also just can't bear to look at it, so he's often seen wearing his Antarctic Empire cloak so he can comfortably hide them, even if it's blazing outside.

He really didn't want to think about Wilbur, but it wasn't easy, considering everywhere he looked he was reminded of his son.

When he's alone, the thoughts get loud and he can't ignore them.

He often thinks back to that fateful night in the button room. He wonders if there was anything he could've done differently to prevent what had happened.

Perhaps if he just continued to refuse Wilbur's requests to kill him, he'd still be here. Perhaps if he had left sooner when he had stopped receiving his letters, he could've gotten to his son before the button room and gotten him the help he needed. Perhaps if he did something different in raising Wilbur, all of this could've been avoided in the first place.

He knows he wasn't a perfect father, but he did his best to make sure Wilbur grew up with lots of love and attention and care. But he must've gone wrong somewhere if he's now the very reason his son is dead.

It's all his fault, after all. There was just so much going on, everything was so loud, Wilbur was screaming and begging for Phil to kill him, he was being watched by millions of eyes it was all just too much it was too much he didn't know what to do.

You had no choice. He would've just done it himself if you hadn't.

Yeah, but if I didn't do it in the first place then I could've had a chance to save him instead.

You wouldn't have been able to save him either way. He was too far gone. We both know that.

Phil desperately didn't want to believe the voice, but it was so hard to ignore and it made so much sense.

He can replay the scenario over and over in his head a million times yet he would always get the same outcome. Nothing he could've done would've mattered.

Wilbur is gone. His song is gone.

And it's all his fault.

It would be a stormy night when Techno would see Phil finally break.

It was like any other night in the Arctic, barring the snowstorm that had arrived just as the sun was going down. Techno made sure to be fully stocked with chopped firewood to keep the fire going all night. He sat comfortably in his armchair near the fireplace with his reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, reading his big book of Greek Mythology stories for the millionth time.

It was a cozy night and he could only hope that Phil was having a similar night.

Unfortunately he'd get his answer.

Rapid knocking suddenly came at his door, catching his attention. He looks towards the door, his eyebrows furrowing. Who could possibly be knocking on his door in the middle of a snowstorm?

He sets the book and his glasses onto the table next to him and heads over to the door, opening it only for his eyes to widen and mouth drop open as he sees the sight in front of him.

Phil stood just outside, shivering violently with a sad but empty look on his face. Techno's heart breaks and the voices grow loud as they all know exactly what's happening.

"Holy crap, Phil! What are- are you insane?! Coming out here in the middle of a snowstorm?!" He questions as he grabs Phil by his shoulders - cold to the touch - and quickly pulls him inside, slamming the door behind him.

Phil smiled sadly. "So-sorry, mate... I-I just... n-n-needed to see you..." He mutters, stuttering as he continues to shiver. It was concerning Techno.

"Right, okay, uh, come by the fire and warm up first. We'll talk when you're no longer a human icicle." Techno says as he gently guides Phil over to the other armchair by his fireplace. The blonde doesn't put up a fight as he's guided into the plush chair and a couple of thick blankets are being thrown over his shoulders. Phil lightly chuckles as he pulls them more securely over himself.

"Don't you think that's a little much, mate?"

"Not at all. It's freaking crazy out there, can't believe you walked all this way!" Techno lightly scolds as he hurries off to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate.

"We literally used to live in the coldest place on earth."

"And I remember you constantly complaining about it," Techno retorts.

Silence falls over them after that but Techno hardly notices it as he starts heating up water in the kettle. He kept glancing over at Phil who just stared blankly into the fire. Techno wasn't sure what would've possessed the man to come all this way out in a snowstorm to see him, but whatever it is, it was serious enough for him to do it, and that worried Techno. He knows his friend has been silently struggling for a while now, even if he tries to deny it. Perhaps this is where it finally crashes.

Techno kind of hopes so. That way Phil can finally let it all out and allow himself to be sad.

Before long, Techno is pouring the hot water into the mug with cocoa powder and stirs it around before walking back over to the fireplace and holds out the mug. Phil tries to smile at him but it doesn't quite shine through as he takes it and takes a small sip from it. Techno sits in his own chair, never taking his worried gaze off of his friend.

They sit in silence for what feels like forever before Techno finally speaks.

"Is... Uh, is everything okay, Phil? I know you keep saying you are but... I mean, I've known you for a long time, Phil. I know when something is wrong."

Phil doesn't say anything, just gulps before he takes another nervous sip of his hot chocolate. His leg anxiously bounces up and down rapidly and Techno can see he's trying to keep his breathing steady.

Just one more push and it would send him over the edge.

"... Is this about Wilbur?" He asks in a quiet, gentle voice.

Just as he predicted, that did Phil in. His face suddenly crumples and he quickly sets the mug on the coffee table in front of him before once again hiding his face under his hands, lowering his head. Sobs and gasps fall from his mouth as his shoulders shake, this time not from the cold. Techno's face softens and he feels his heart ache as he scoots his chair closer to Phil's. Once he was close enough, he opened his arms and Phil immediately leaned into them, wrapping his own arms tightly around Techno's torso while burying his face into his shoulder where he cries harder.

Techno doesn't push or force him to talk or tells him to stop crying. He just sits there, keeping his arms wrapped around Phil and his head resting on top of Phil's. He knew this was gonna come eventually, but it still hurt him to see his friend so sad.

"It-... it-it's all my fault, Tech..!" Phil manages to get out between gasps and sobs. "I couldn't do anything to help him and I killed him! I killed my own son!" Phil cries loudly, voice slightly muffled by Techno's shoulder.

Techno tightened his arms slightly. "It's not your fault, Phil."

"It is, though! I'm the one that stabbed him!"

He feels Techno shake his head from on top of his own. "You did what you had to, Phil. It's unfortunate, but there wasn't anything else you could do for him..."

Phil continues to sob. "Then why... why does it still hurt...?"

Techno sighs. "Just because you did what you had to doesn't mean you'll immediately feel better. It's gonna hurt, and it'll probably hurt for a while," Techno begins. "It may not even ever fully go away. But that's okay... just allow yourself to be sad, Phil. It's okay."

And Phil did just that, allowing himself to cry and wail late into the night when he had no more tears left to cry and he had exhausted himself. Techno tucked him into his own bed that night and he took the couch.

It wasn't going to be an easy road for Phil, for either of them, really.

But they'll get through it. Together.

It would come during a sunny day in the Arctic, about 5 months since that fateful night during the snowstorm.

Phil has been doing a LOT better since that night. He allowed himself to wallow and be sad, for about a month until he finally started to feel a little better. Not by much, but a bit. And over time, it got easier and easier to live his life again. He moved out shortly after New L'Manburg had imprisoned him and hunted down Techno in an attempt to execute him, and he had to say it probably did him good to have moved away from L'Manburg. And when he, Techno and Dream blew it up, it felt like he was finally allowed to move on with his life. It's what Wilbur would've wanted anyway.

Living in the commune with Techno has been nice. Living close to his best friend, taking care of animals and farms, and just enjoying retirement. It was quiet and peaceful out here, barring the few times Tommy would come visit, but even those days were rare.

And then there was Ranboo, who had moved in on their property shortly after Doomsday. He was kind and respectful and deeply anxious, especially around Techno, who wasn't fond with the kid staying on their property at first. But since Ranboo didn't really participate much with the Butcher Army, and he made Phil happy, he learned to coexist with him. And over time, the two have become friendly.

To Phil, things have been good so far.

And then that fateful day came.

Phil was inside his own house, working on brewing some potions. It's not like he really needed them for anything, but Techno liked to be safe than sorry, despite them being fully stocked up and trying to enjoy retirement. Phil just found it amusing.

He fluttered around his house, gathering ingredients and bottles while occasionally saying something to chat, usually some kind of insult because how angry they'd get made him laugh.

That's when he heard it. The voice that changed everything.

"What about Pihl? Is Phil home?"

Phil suddenly stops in his tracks, eyes widening and his heart feeling like it just stopped. Even the crows suddenly went silent as they turned towards the faint noise outside. Phil slowly turned his head towards his door and started to slowly approach it only to stop about halfway, wondering if he just was hearing things.

"... Wil?"

There was no response for a minute which made Phil think he was just hearing things. But before he could get back to what he was doing, he heard it again, unmistakable this time.

"PHILLLLLL!!! Are you home?????" Tommy's voice called out loudly, quickly followed by a familiar voice.

"You don't have to shout, Tommy. We could just knock on the door."

"Oh shut it, Wil! I'm not going close to those houses until I'm sure Techno isn't here!"

Phil wasted no time in rushing to the door, swinging it open and running outside like a madman. He hurries down the steps and turns around the corner of the house and... there he was.

Wilbur stood there, just a few feet away from him with Tommy standing beside him. He looked pretty much the same as when he last saw him, except for the bags under his eyes making him seem older, and the pale white streak in his hair, but it was unmistakably him. He wore his brown trench coat and old, torn yellow sweater with a bloody bandage around his arm and circular glasses over his nose.

But it was him.

Phil stared in shock, unsure of what to think or how to feel. He thought he would be terrified if he ever saw Wilbur again. Or angry, or upset, or... something. But instead... he feels happy. Like a crushing weight has finally been lifted from his back.

Wilbur smiled at him with his hands tucked into his trench coat pockets.

"Hey, Phil."

"WIL!"

Right after he said that, Phil shouted and broke into a sprint and pulled Wilbur into a tight embrace, one hand resting on the back of his head, fingers finding a place in his brown curls. He feels Wilbur's arm wrap around him in return, allowing Phil to hug him for as long as he wants. He does pull away eventually.

"Oh my gods, this... am I dreaming right now? Are you actually here??" Phil asks with a smile, almost in disbelief, afraid that the next moment he blinks, Wilbur will be gone.

Wilbur smiles back at him. "It's not, Phil, it's not! I'm here! I'm alive!"

Phil still had a lot of questions, like how Wilbur was even here, and even things before that like how Wilbur was lying in his letters and such. But he didn't care about that right now. He was just glad to have his son back.

He brings him and Tommy inside so that they can sit and catch up. He makes them some tea and talk about anything and everything. Wilbur even explained a bit about Limbo and what it was like.

And then Wil changed the subject.

"By the way, Phil, uh... I wanted to tell you something."

Phil sets his cup down to give him his full attention. "Alright then."

Wilbur's expression turns more serious. "While I was in Limbo, there was this... screen. Like, one of those screens you'd find in a train station that tells you what trains are arriving and departing and such. But this screen would show me what people would say and think about me."

Phil's face falls at that. "Oh...?"

Wilbur nods and continues. "Yeah. And, well... I promised myself that if I were to ever see you again, I'd tell you this..."

The brunette reaches over and takes one of Phil's hands. Phil's eyebrows furrow but as he opens his mouth to question what's going on, Wilbur continues.

"I don't want you to feel guilty for killing me, Phil."

Phil's breath hitches but he doesn't say anything, allowing Wilbur to continue.

"You did what you had to, but it also was my fault for ever making you do that in the first place. That was a horrible thing for me to make you do. So, please... don't blame yourself. I don't hate you for it and I don't want you to be sad about it anymore."

Phil continued to stare at him in shock, unsure of what to say. What was there TO say? Wilbur had kinda voiced all of the worries he's had for months.

"I... Wil-"

"I'm serious, Phil. Whatever apologies you might have, I already forgive you. I just hope that you can forgive me..."

Phil thought that was ridiculous. "What... of course I forgive you, Wil."

Wilbur smiles. "Then let's not dwell on it anymore. I forgive you and you forgive me. What's done is done now."

Phil isn't sure what to say. He isn't even sure he'll ever fully move on from what he had to do.

But, with Wilbur here now, asking him to try and not be sad anymore...

How could he refuse?

He manages a watery smile.

"I'll try, Wil. I promise."