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He barely had the strength to press down on the handle to Maria’s bedroom door. His arm shook heavily, and when the door finally swung open, he stumbled, nearly falling down when it no longer helped him support his own weight.
Maria glanced up from the book in her hands, settled under the covers of her medical bed. She smiled when she spotted him, but her smile quickly faded, twisting into a frown when she saw the state he was in.
“Shadow?” Maria called out, voice laced with gentle concern. “Are you alright?”
He opened his mouth to respond, but all that came out was a weak, dry sob, body too weak to even produce tears. His stomach clenched, wracked with intense pain.
Maria’s frown deepened, and she set the book down on her bed. “Come here, please.”
He closed her door, using his air shoes to glide over to the bed. He struggled to move forward, but he knew that if he tried to walk without them, he would surely fall. Every step he took shifted wounded organs, forcing him to bite down on his tongue to keep from crying out.
He stopped at her bedside, using the edge of the bed to stabilize himself. Breathing was difficult, leaving him panting and dizzy.
“Can you get up?” Maria asked, eyes softening when he tried lifting a leg up, only to immediately give up, wincing.
His ears flattened, an arm wrapping around his stomach protectively.
“Hang on.” Maria said, sliding over the side of the bed to stand.
He shook his head, already knowing what she was planning. He shouldn’t need her assistance to climb up onto the bed. He’d manage it himself, he just needed a moment to let his body recover a little more.
Maria sighed softly. “It’s okay, Shadow. I can help you. Being sick doesn’t mean I’m fragile.”
He begged to differ, but he didn’t dare say such a thing out loud. He didn’t want her hurting herself just to help him. He was supposed to help her- it was his whole purpose for existing.
But he didn’t even have the strength to speak. He couldn’t argue against the assistance, so all he could do was gather whatever remaining strength he had left to try and make things easier on her, weakly pulling himself up onto the bed after she lifted him up. Her arms around him was usually a comfort, but right now, he wanted to scream when he felt her arm press against his stomach.
He all but collapsed onto the bed, sheets still warm from Maria’s body heat. He curled up closer to that warmth, another dry sob trapped in his throat.
Maria climbed back into bed, sounding the slightest bit breathless just from lifting him up. She placed a hand between his ears, stroking his fur softly, like Gerald sometimes stroked her hair on her worst days, sitting by her bedside when she could hardly move.
He flattened his ears, welcoming the contact. He carefully shifted closer to her, tucking himself into her side. Just that small amount of movement felt like a blade twisting inside his stomach, but it was worth it, to feel her warmth closer.
Everything inside the labs felt so cold; the air, the surgical table, the scientists’ hands, their tools-
Organs weren’t supposed to feel cold. Even after the external damage healed, he still felt cold inside, like they’d shoved ice into every crevice of his body before closing him back up.
He wanted to tear his stomach open and pour hot water into the cold spots. Maybe, if it was hot enough, it would melt his organs. If they were made useless, the scientists wouldn’t want them. If he ruined his body, they wouldn’t use him anymore-
“Are you in pain?” Maria asked, running her fingers over one of his fluffy ears. She’d told him how much she loved them before, always playing with them just to feel how soft they were, laughing when they twitched and flicked away from her touch.
He nodded shamefully, hiding his face against the fabric of her dress.
Maria’s lips thinned into a worried line. “Would it be alright if I held you?”
He nodded again. Even on his worst days, he wouldn’t dare reject Maria’s affection. It was the only time a human ever touched him without the intent to harm him.
(It was for her sake it was for her sake it was for her sake it was for her-)
She turned over onto her side and wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. An ache bloomed behind his eyes, but the tears couldn’t form. His battered, exhausted body couldn’t afford to waste even that small amount of water. The scientists already gave him so little.
“I’m sorry they hurt you again.” Maria whispered against the top of his head.
He couldn’t hold back a soft sound at that, a whine or a sob, he couldn’t really tell anymore. He wanted to tell her that it was fine, that he’d spend every day suffering if it meant healing her. But right now, he couldn’t hope to get the words out.
He let himself sink into the warmth of her arms, unable to truly rest in this state, but the safety of her presence alone soothed him more than any painkiller ever could.