Chapter Text
Sanji never really thought about his identity. He’s always known he’s a man.
Right? You’re born a boy and you stay one forever. Simple as that, pretty normal.
Joining the Straw Hats made Sanji’s life anything but normal. It exposed him to things he didn’t even think were possible.
__
“How did you get those scars on your chest?” He asks one day as he’s chopping up veggies in the kitchen. Zoro is sitting at the table and looking at the newspaper while eating some onigiri.
“You got those before you joined the crew.”
Zoro scoffs and looks up from his paper, “I don’t think your pea sized brain could handle it.”
Sanji rolls his eyes. “If anyone here has a pea sized brain it’s you.” He retorted. “Was there a tragic accident or something?”
Zoro let out a deep sigh. “You really wanna know, huh?”
“I guess,” Sanji replied as he was putting oil in the pan.
“Fuck it, why not?” Zoro thinks to himself. He is a man who lives without shame.
“I got my tits removed.”
“Huh?” Sanji stopped what he was doing and furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you even talking about?”
“I was born a girl and now I’m a man,” he said.
“You were actually born a girl?” Sanji asked.
“Yup.” Zoro replied. “I got surgery to remove my tits, so that’s why I have those scars.”
There was an awkward silence between them.
“But how are you so….?”
“What?” Zoro raised an eyebrow.
“How are you so manly? You’re the exact opposite of a girl in my eyes.”
“Testosterone,” he replied.
“Why did you want to become a man anyways?” Sanji asked. “Women are so beautiful and soft and amazing.” He said with hearts in his eyes. “And they aren’t gross like you are.”
Zoro laughed when he heard the question.
“What’s so funny?” He asked.
“You’re so ignorant, Cook,” Zoro replied. Before Sanji could say anything else, someone barged into the kitchen.
“ZORO, ZORO!” Luffy could not contain his excitement. “USOPP CAUGHT A SWORDFISH!”
“Hell yeah!” Zoro replied as he was getting up out of his seat. “I need to see it!”
“C’mon, let’s go!” Luffy yelled and Zoro followed him out the door.
That ended their conversation on gender. It would be a while before they had another one. Sanji didn’t think too much of it. Zoro was clearly a man. He was gross and smelly and annoying just like they all are.
The next time the two of them talk about gender is when Sanji is shitfaced drunk. There was a party thrown in honor of the Straw Hats for saving their town from their corrupt mayor. Zoro decides to go in for the night. When he approached the Merry, he saw that Sanji was sitting on the beach, staring up at the night sky.
“Hey Mossy!” Sanji said with a big smile on his face. He waved to Zoro as he was approaching the ship.
“Huh?” he replied. “Why are you being so nice to me?” Zoro raised an eyebrow.
“I was just thinkin about you,” he giggled.
“What’s so funny?” Zoro crossed his arms. “Are you drunk?” he asked. Zoro gets closer to Sanji and then he notices the two empty bottles next to him.
“It was an accident, okay,” Sanji put his hands up in defense. “That stuff was so sweet I forgot it was booze.”
“And why were you thinking about me?” Zoro furrowed his eyebrows.
“Cause, you were born a girl and now you’re a guy,” Sanji replied.
“You’re drunk,” Zoro said and rolled his eyes. “You better shut your mouth before you say something stupid.”
“No, no, no, nooooo,” Sanji slurred. “I think it's cool,”
“What?”
“I mean if you can be a handsome guy, maybe I could be a pretty lady one day,"
“Oh, really?” Zoro smirked and crossed his arms.
“Yeah,” Sanji replied. “But there's my old man,” he took another sip of his drink. “What if everyone back at the restaurant hates me?”
“I mean it’s your life,” Zoro shrugged. “But don’t pretend to be someone you’re not in order to please someone who isn't even here.”
Zoro snatched the bottle out of Sanji's hand and looked at the label. The alcohol percentage was really high. “You’ve had too much to drink, Curls,” he said. “You’re gonna have a nasty hangover tomorrow.”
Zoro then took a sip from the bottle himself. “Ugh,” he groaned. “Too sweet,”
“Alright, c'mon,” He picks him up off the sand and carries him like a sack of flour. “You need to sleep.” If Sanji was sober he’d be humiliated that the mosshead of all people had to be the one to find him like this.
When Zoro arrives in the room where they all sleep, he sets Sanji on top of a futon. He even places an extra blanket on him. The stars really did look beautiful tonight Zoro decides to sit on the deck and gaze upon them. It’s quite relaxing until he suddenly remembers something.
“Fuck!” Zoro jolted out of his seat and quickly ran to the room. He got some pillows and placed them next to Sanji so he could prop him up to sleep on his side. He was about to leave when the door opened.
“That’s quite nice of you Zoro,” Robin smiled.
“Never tell him about this,” Zoro says frustratedly.
“I won’t,” she smiles.
____
The next night, Zoro can’t sleep. He took too many naps throughout the day. He goes onto the deck and sees that Sanji is out having a smoke.
“Hey Cook,” Zoro said. “You, remember anything from yesterday night?”
“What?” Sanji asked confusedly. “I remember the party.”
“You don’t remember anything else?”
“What are you getting at?” Sanji’s eyes narrowed.
Zoro let out a long sigh, he had absolutely no idea what Sanji’s reaction would be to bringing up this situation. He could just tell that Sanji was deeply repressed.
“You told me and I quote, “If you can be a handsome guy, maybe one day I could be a pretty lady.” Zoro made quotes in the air with his fingers.
“Doesn’t everyone say stupid shit when they’re drunk?” He asked.
“What’s that one thing people say?” Zoro asked.
“What thing?”
“Hmm,” Zoro was trying to remember it. “Oh yeah, drunk words are sober thoughts.”
“Every man imagines another reality where he’s a beautiful chick.” Sanji scoffs.
“Well I don't,” Zoro said. “When I was a kid I imagined being a guy with muscles.”
Zoro could tell by the look on Sanji’s face that the gears were turning in his head.
“Oh,” is all he can say in response.
“I’m not saying you’re trans or anything, that’s for you to figure out.”
Sanji started thinking about his gender a lot more after that.
A lot more.
____
“Have you ever imagined yourself as a girl?” Sanji asks as Usopp is waiting for a fish to bite on his hook.
“No,” Usopp replied.
“Not even once?” Sanji asked.
“The thought has never crossed my mind.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Luffy asks as he approaches the two of them with his fishing pole.
“Luffy, have you ever thought about what it would be like if you were a girl?” Sanji asks.
“Nuh-uh” replies as he casts his reel.
“Oh god.”
Sanji thinks to himself.
He decides to go to the side of the boat where Nami keeps her tangerine trees.
“Oh, hi Sanji,” Nami says as she’s picking them off of the trees and placing them into a basket.
“So Nami….”
Sanji took a deep breath.
“Have you ever thought about what it would be like if you were born a boy?”
Nami furrowed her eyebrows, “No.” she replies. “Why are you asking?”
“No reason,” he replies.
It turns out, imagining yourself as a different gender is not something most people do, shit. There’s no point in asking Robin now, he knows that he’s going to get the same answer from her.
He decided to go to the kitchen and start baking in order to distract himself from all of this. It’s just too much.
____
“You’re acting weird,” Usopp says when he walks into the kitchen and is met with Sanji frantically making cookies.
“What are you talking about?” Sanji asks. The kitchen is messy with dirty dishes all over the sink and trays of cookies covering the tables.
“C’mon Sanji,” Usopp says. “You can’t fool the master of lying!” He puffed out his chest and pointed to himself confidently. When Sanji didn’t even come back with some sort of silly remark, Usopp knew whatever was going on was serious. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” He placed his hand on Sanji’s shoulder. “No judgments here.”
Before Sanji could reply Nami yelled out to everyone from outside. “WE’RE HERE!”
“YES!” Usopp said with joy, he’s been looking forward to going to this island since it was one that was well known for some of the best artists on the Grand Line . Sanji was excited too. He could finally distract himself with something else besides cooking. “I’ll tell you about it later,” he said. “Go have fun.”
“See you later,” Usopp said.
“Bye,” Sanji said. He started to finally clean up all of the dishes and put away all of the extra cookies he made. It took a long time for him to complete it. When he was finally finished, he looked outside and noticed it was dark outside already.
He decided to wear his favorite suit and go out on the town. Maybe he’ll get lucky and meet a beautiful woman?
As he’s walking through the streets Sanji notices a very familiar orange head of hair walking towards a bar. “NAMI!” he yells and tries to get her attention. “HEY NAMI!” he yells out again.
He follows her into the bar and is quite surprised to see what he walked into.
Because it’s a gay bar. He doesn’t think much of it, all he cares about is catching Nami’s attention.
“Nami!” he taps her shoulder. “What’s a lovely lady like you doing in a place like this?”
“I'm not a lady.” The person with the orange hair turned around and Sanji was mortified. It was definitely not Nami.
“I’m so sorry, I thought you were my friend.” he replied nervously.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Sanji thought to himself.
“It’s alright,” they smile. “Don’t worry about it.”
For Sanji’s entire life, he assumed he only liked girls. But now? The guy in front of him was pretty, really pretty. The reason why he thought he was Nami was for more than just the hair, he had a tank top and shorts on. It looked like something she’d wear.
“I’m Jess,” he said with a smile on his face. Sanji’s cheeks started to turn pink.
“I’m Sanji,” he replied.
“You’re cute, can I buy you a drink?” He asked.
“S-sure,” he replied nervously.
What the fuck is going on? Sanji is used to being the one doing the flirting and asking someone if he can buy them a drink. Not the other way around!
Does this mean?
Is Sanji is gay?
That’s impossible, he loves girls. He’s always loved girls. He could never turn his back on them….
Well....going fishing one time doesn't make someone a fisherman........
“Just for tonight,” he thought to himself.
The two of them sit on the barstools as they waited for the bartender to finish making their drinks.
“I come around to this bar quite often, but it's the first time I’ve seen you here,” Jess said. “Where are you from?”
“I’m a chef on a pirate crew.” Sanji replied. “My crew and I decided to stop here for a few days since we heard about how nice it is here.”
“Oh really?” Jess said. “Maybe I should go out to sea if the pirates are as handsome as you.”
Sanji’s cheeks turned pink. He’s not used to being at the receiving end of these kinds of words.
“You’re so cute, blondie,” Jess smiled.
“Here are your drinks,” the bartender interrupted. Sanji immediately took a sip, hoping the alcohol would make him more confident. Talking to men was unknown territory. Even if they did look like pretty girls.
“You’re really cute too.” Sanji replied. Jess cupped his cheek with his hand.
“Wanna dance with me?”
Sanji nodded and chugged the rest of his drink, the lights were flashing and the music was loud. As the night went on, Sanji’s worries were melting away. Those repressed feelings of guilt were no longer there. That voice in the back of his head telling him that he shouldn’t be doing this ceased to exist as well. He was moving to the beat and dancing alongside Jess without a care in the world. Alcohol really was liquid courage. He kept getting wasted as the night went on. It felt so nice to let go of everything he was internalizing and just be free. This is what being a pirate is after all, right? Being free.
“Hey Sanji,” Jess asked.
“Can I kiss you?”
“Yeah.” Sanji nodded.
Jess grabbed his hand and led him out to the back alleyway. The moment he felt Jess’s lips on his, he realized that there’s no going back.
He likes this.
He likes it a lot.
Oh god, he kissed a man and liked it. He wasn’t worried at the moment though, the alcohol coursing through his veins made him forget about all of the guilt and shame he’s felt. The truth is, this isn’t the first time he’s felt attraction to a man. He’s felt it before. He simply pushed away those feelings away cause “Real men don’t feel like that”
“You’re so lucky Sanji,” Jess said out of breath. They were kissing for so long that he was starting to get tired.
“How come?” he asked confusedly.
“You get to be free,” said Jess. He ran his fingers through Sanji’s blonde locks. “You’re a pirate.” He kissed Sanji’s cheek, he was pretty drunk too. “This bar is the only place where I feel like I can be myself.” “I wish I could be a pirate like you,”
Those words stuck with Sanji.