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Early morning missions weren’t a fan favorite between them.
It was six in the morning, entirely too early for their liking but Mori had explicitly stated they needed to be at their post by seven and it was a half hour drive away. They were sure the day would be drenched in bloodshed and people would lose their lives by the end of it, but for a few moments, they could pretend what they were doing was normal.
“C’mon, asshole!” Chuuya skidded across the floor as he pulled on his jacket, “We’re gonna be late.”
“Ugh,” Dazai waved a lazy hand in the air as he sighed, “Quit yapping, it’s way too early to hear you.”
Chuuya sent him a glare as he fumbled with his own shoes, “It’s your fault, you turned off the alarm four fuckin’ times!”
“Unimportant details,” Dazai smirked as he stood, pulling his coat off Chuuya’s couch before making his way towards the door.
Chuuya looked at Dazai like he was sent to earth to personally spite him as he finally got his shoes on and stood, following his partner out of his apartment. He quickly locked the door behind them and then took the lead out of the building. The last thing he wanted to do today was go on a stakeout to watch idiots mess around with their lives until it was time to intervene, but all in a day's work he supposed. From the way Dazai’s shoulders sagged when he’d rolled out of bed, he assumed his partner felt the same way.
“Chuuya,” Dazai’s voice was serious, causing Chuuya to whip around at the tone, “Are you seriously wearing polar bear socks?”
“Y’know, I ought to kill you.” Chuuya hissed as he balanced on one leg to pull down his slacks that had ridden up on one of his ankles, exposing his embarrassing sock choice.
Dazai laughed at his annoyance and passed him, leading them both out of the apartment building and to Chuuya’s car. It wasn’t anything to be proud of, some old run down thing that needed a ton of work, but it got them from point A to B without too many issues. Chuuya would’ve liked to take his motorcycle that Albatross had given him before- it didn’t matter. Dazai hated it and he wasn’t in the mood to listen to childish whining while on their way to crack skulls.
Chuuya whipped open the driver’s side door and threw himself in the car, closing the door quickly.
“Close your goddamn door already, you’re lettin’ all the cold air in!” Chuuya bit, rubbing his hands together before sliding his key into the ignition and starting the car.
“You’re so-” Dazai cut himself off as a shiver ran through him, “Okay, it is cold.”
“No shit, idiot.” Chuuya replied as he tossed the car into reverse and backed out of his spot.
Dazai reached forward to the dash and cranked the heat up, turning the dial so harshly that Chuuya shot him a look of annoyance. He couldn’t bring himself to care though, he was freezing cold and suddenly he wished he didn’t opt to wear just his white dress shirt and black coat for layers. Chuuya was actually wearing clothes that looked warm, his typical jacket with a black long sleeve under it. Dazai cursed him in his mind as he pulled his shaking hand back to fiddle with his phone in his pocket.
He pulled the device out finally and tried to swipe it open, failing a few times because for some reason, he couldn’t quite make out the numbers on the screen.
“Dumbass,” Chuuya huffed as he reached over to pop open the glovebox, “You’re blind as a bat.”
“Wow! Did you come up with that one yourself?” Dazai teased as he dropped his phone in favor of the extra roll of bandages nestled in Chuuya’s glovebox.
He tried not to think about the fact Chuuya kept bandages in his car, the nice kind, that didn’t irritate his skin and leave it raw and itchy after wearing them all day. He also tried not to think about the fact Chuuya knew he had terrible depth perception in his right eye, and how covering it helped with his skewed vision.
The thoughts unfortunately lingered as he tore off a string of the bandages and pulled down the mirror, slinging them around his head to cover his eye. As soon as the job was finished, he secured the edge behind his hair and tossed the roll back into the glovebox, slamming it shut with his knee as he tried again with his phone. This time, he opened it with ease and connected it to Chuuya’s outdated radio.
“I swear if you make me listen to some shitty music,” Chuuya rolled his eyes as he spoke, making a point not to bring up Dazai’s terrible vision again, “Put on something heavy.”
“Do you need something to get you in the mood?” Dazai taunted as he scrolled through their usual playlist.
Usual playlist- yeah, Dazai really tried not to think about the fact they’d gotten so close to each other and had spent so much time in the other’s presence that they had a playlist they listened to religiously.
“In the mood to beat you senseless, yeah.” Chuuya bit, though his words were pinched as he merged lanes in traffic.
“In that case,” Dazai swiped off their typical playlist and pressed onto one he made specifically to annoy Chuuya, “This should do the trick!”
He hadn’t actually shown this playlist to Chuuya before; saving it for the perfect moment to annoy him. It seemed to do its job as a pop song began blaring through the cheap speakers and Chuuya let out a groan of pure despair.
“I can’t stand you,” Chuuya grunted, “You’re the worst.”
“I feel the same way, we’re so connected.” Dazai smiled, running a hand through his waves as he began scrolling through his phone.
“This sucks,” Chuuya said, annoyed, “Turn on something else.”
“I’m liking it, makes me really want to kill someone!”
“You’re sick,” Chuuya gave him a sideways glance before refocusing on the road.
Dazai shouldn’t have looked over and caught his eyes in that moment because his partner looked stunning as ever, hair choppy and growing out crooked, mismatched eyes glowing in the morning rays of sunlight. The tightness in Dazai’s chest constricted painfully, the feelings he swore he wasn’t allowed to feel bubbling over into something tangible that he needed to get rid of, now.
“Fuck it, we gotta stop,” Chuuya swerved into a turn lane and Dazai choked on a comment about his terrible driving, instead gripping onto the door like it was a lifeline.
They pulled into a gas station, a little further out of the city so they wouldn’t be recognized. Not that it really mattered, nobody was a match for them put together. Chuuya parked the car and messed around in the center console till he produced his wallet. Dazai opened his mouth with a taunt on his tongue but Chuuya spoke before it could come out.
“Want anything?” Chuuya asked, voice steady and full of sincerity and oh no, Dazai was screwed.
There wasn’t anything monumental in the words, nothing grandiose or worth freezing hell over but the way Chuuya was looking at him with expectant eyes, asking if he wanted anything from inside of the gas station was enough to kickstart Dazai’s heart. He looked away to save face, feeling heat rush up to his cold cheeks, childishly crossing his arms over his chest.
“I don’t eat disgusting gas station food,” Dazai made a fake gagging noise to really drive the point home.
Chuuya chuckled, something genuine as he climbed out of the car, “Says the guy who eats canned crab every day,” he opened the door and stood, “Don’t freeze, bastard.”
Dazai wanted to fight back but Chuuya had already slammed the door and was walking inside, hands in his pockets with a hood over his head. He had left the car on and Dazai couldn’t help but look back over to where Chuuya had been sitting once his partner’s form disappeared into the small convenience store. He’d left the car running, with the heat on, despite having gone inside, so Dazai would be warm?
He was in way further than he wanted to be.
Chuuya had crashed into his life, so full of energy and flipped it completely upside down. Brash, cocky and overconfident but also everything Dazai had ever wanted, if he could even allow himself to want. If he reached out, would Chuuya flinch backwards at the sheer amount of darkness that threatened to consume Dazai on a daily basis? Was Dazai even capable of reaching out to someone?
He latched onto Chuuya from the moment they met, covered it up with insults and annoyance and pretended it was nothing more than a rivalry. But he frequented Chuuya’s apartment, found himself sleeping over even when work didn’t call for it, even when it wasn’t convenient he sought the boy out.
And Chuuya let him do it, had even invited him over once or twice under the guise of video games and underage drinking.
The car door opening ripped Dazai from his thoughts.
“Here,” Something was tossed in his lap as Chuuya clambered back into the car gracelessly, “Don’t need you passin’ out durin’ this to make things harder.”
Dazai looked down to see a plastic bag with a specialty soda inside of it, along with a few bags of snacks and candy. Nothing healthy, nothing that would actually keep him from the brink of collapse but exactly what Dazai would have picked out if he went into the store with Chuuya. He looked up to see Chuuya fitting two cups of coffee into the old cupholders between them, popping one of the lids to bring it up to his lips.
He watched as Chuuya swallowed and let out a satisfactory sigh before the cup of coffee was placed back into the cupholder and the car was put in reverse. A hand snaked behind the passenger headrest and Chuuya twisted so he could back up.
“You got me…” Dazai, for the first time in his life, was left a bit speechless, “All this?”
Chuuya shot him a confused look as the car was put back into drive, “Yeah? Don’t complain, you shoulda come in if you wanted to pick your own stuff out.”
“So thoughtful!” The cogs in Dazai’s mind started spinning again as his brain caught up with his mouth, “Almost romantic.”
“Hah?” Chuuya side-eyed him but kept his attention on turning out of the gas station.
“You got me all my favorite snacks with your money,” Dazai taunted, although his words were feeling a bit too exposing, “You’re so romantic!”
“Ew, gross,” Chuuya grimaced, “You’re so weird.”
Dazai grinned as they fell back into the familiar banter. Chuuya peeled out of the gas station and swerved onto the main road, pushing past the speed limit to get them back on their scheduled time. Dazai tried to clear his mind as he scrolled through his perfectly curated playlist meant to annoy his partner as he absentmindedly reached for the coffee in the cup holder, brushing against Chuuya’s arm in the process.
He recoiled quickly and snatched his coffee like it personally offended him, popping the top to blow on it before taking a sip. The warm liquid brought more awareness to his body as it worked itself through his system and he was secretly grateful Chuuya had gotten it. Dazai wondered if Chuuya had thought it would do that, if his dense partner had grabbed all these snacks and a cup of coffee for him with the thought of him in mind.
Of course he had, Dazai shook the thought out of his mind. There was no way Chuuya went into that store and got all this without thinking about it, Chuuya had great attention to little details like this, down to what kind of gas station snacks Dazai preferred and the fact he was hiding the fact he was absolutely freezing cold.
The realization made Dazai feel a little too seen, so he turned the volume up on the annoying pop song to combat the unwelcome, yet comfortable silence that had settled over them.
“I swear this is the most annoying thing you’ve done,” Chuuya grumbled, hanging his head for a moment before returning his gaze to the road, “Turn it off.”
“I think it’s fun!” Dazai replied, voice high, “Plus, I need something to listen to besides your annoying voice.”
“You’re the worst.” Chuuya huffed.
“Chuuya, are you seriously trying to go the speed limit now?” Dazai changed the subject, “You know what organization we’re part of, right?”
“Shut it,” Chuuya rolled his eyes again but sped up at Dazai’s taunting, “Didn’t think gettin’ pulled over at,” he checked the time flashing on the radio screen, face pinching as he read the numbers, “six-thirty in the morning was a fun idea.”
“Well driving with a grandpa isn’t much fun either but here we are.” Dazai said as he ripped open one of the candy bags.
“Asshole-” Chuuya cut himself off as he heard the wrapper being torn open, “Lemme get some of those.”
Chuuya held out an expectant hand but Dazai clutched the bag close to his chest, “No! These are mine, gotten specially for me.”
“Really? I paid for them!” Chuuya shoved his hand further into Dazai’s space, palm facing upwards as he controlled the car with his other hand.
“But they’re mine,” Dazai joked, “You don’t get to just demand things from me!”
“Yes I do,” Chuuya retorted, “C’mon.”
Dazai relented and poured the smallest amount of candies into Chuuya’s hand, “You’re so annoying.”
“So you’ve said.” Chuuya smiled in victory as he tossed the candy into his mouth before realizing just how little Dazai had given him, “Really?!”
Dazai let out a full body laugh at the ridiculousness of his partner’s face, the exasperated look painted over his features as he reeled in anger. He couldn’t help himself, it didn’t feel like they were driving towards a bloodbath, for a moment, he could pretend they had met under different circumstances, driving towards something that wouldn’t be a promised hell, bantering with each other like normal teenagers.
Chuuya slowly took his eyes off the road to look at Dazai, but there was no scrutiny in his gaze, only a warmth that settled over Dazai’s skin like the setting sun did to the countryside. Chuuya was truly a breath of fresh air in his life and he couldn’t help but let the genuine laughter flow out of his system at just how unfair life was and how glad he was that someone like Chuuya had shown up to kick the shit out of him.
—
“Just fuckin’ close your eyes,” Chuuya grumbled, looking over to see his partner fighting off sleep in the passenger seat.
The mission had lasted longer than they both hoped but that was to be expected when working for a criminal organization. They had gotten the information they needed but then got spotted, which led to a fight that didn’t need to get as deadly as it did. It ended with the entire organization wiped clean off the face of the earth, the only indication they ever existed was the fact their flesh and blood was splattered somewhere in the warehouse.
“Shut up,” Dazai replied petulantly, rubbing the heel of his hands into his eyes to try to bring life back to his body.
Chuuya could see the exhaustion that crept over his partner and desperately just wanted him to knock out. Dazai was insufferable when he was tired, always demanding that Chuuya do things for him as he got too clingy as the edges of his mind turned fuzzy. He knew Dazai had only slept a few hours the previous night, winding up falling asleep around three in the morning, hence the reason he snoozed the alarm multiple times when it tried to force him awake.
He’d fallen asleep on Chuuya’s floor after inviting himself into his room to annoy him. Somewhere along the lines, Chuuya had passed out and Dazai had stayed, laying on his floor with a throw blanket from the couch and a pillow he stole off Chuuya’s bed, just staring at the ceiling until sleep took him.
And now, he was fighting with the consequences of his screwed sleep schedule.
“It’s an hour drive back,” Chuuya sighed, not wanting to fight after the day they’d had, “You might as well try to sleep.”
“Why?” Dazai asked, “So you can kill me?”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” Chuuya smirked, but his voice held no real heat.
“Violence isn’t sexy, Chuuya.” Dazai tried to keep up with the banter but Chuuya could hear the exhaustion that leaked into every syllable as he spoke.
“I doubt that,” Chuuya chuckled.
“Annoying,” Dazai breathed, his voice getting further away by the second.
“Yeah?” Chuuya challenged, “You literally kept makin’ all sorts of weird jokes over the comms, which is probably why we got found out in the first place.”
“Can’t help it,” Dazai yawned, slapping a hand over his mouth as soon as he realized he had unconsciously let it slip, “Stop talking.”
“Hah?” Chuuya asked, looking over to his partner quickly.
Dazai had shifted so he was leaning heavily against the door, blood splatter visible on his clothes as they passed under the streetlights, his plump cheeks illuminated while his eyes were glued to the road. Chuuya wished he could reach out and trace his hands against his face, hold something between his hands he knew he couldn’t break, despite the inhuman monster he was.
Because Dazai was the first thing he’d encountered that he couldn’t ruin. Something in Chuuya’s chest had made him actually trust the boy in his passenger seat, to the point he was fully convinced that he couldn’t destroy whatever it was that was between them- a fickle friendship, and indestructible partnership, an unwavering trust. Dazai, regardless of how cunning he could be, made him feel human.
And he realized, all too slowly, that Dazai had asked him to stop talking because silence kept him awake. Silence was Dazai’s worst enemy, something the boy sought out just so he could spite himself and drive himself further into a spiral. Silence meant Dazai could effectively get so lost in his own mind that sleep refused to take him.
“No annoying playlist to keep us awake?” Chuuya asked, hoping his deduction had been correct.
“No,” Dazai replied, voice low but not quiet, “Not worth the energy.”
“No? Not even that terrible pop music you insisted on playin’ earlier?”
“Mm,” Dazai hummed as he shook his head.
“There’s blood on your eye bandage,” Chuuya said, keeping his voice smooth, “You might wanna take that disgusting thing off.”
“No.” Dazai’s voice was quiet now and Chuuya glanced over to see his eyes blinking heavily as he really tried to fight off the sleep.
“You’re gonna regret that in the morning and you know it.” Chuuya kept going.
Dazai hummed again before whispering, “No.”
Chuuya let it go for a few moments before he snuck another glance at his partner, who now had his eyes shut and was breathing heavily as he sagged against the door.
“Bingo.” Chuuya chuckled quietly to himself, returning his gaze to the road.
He wasn’t sure where it came from, but he knew the feelings that spun around in his mind weren’t something he could necessarily chalk up to partnership. Maybe some version of the word, but most definitely not the version they used when referring to each other.
Dazai had offered to do whatever it took for him to learn his background, hadn’t looked at him like some kind of monster when he found out about his singularity, hadn’t treated him any differently. They kept their banter, kept getting closer and continued being in each other’s corner, even when they couldn’t stand each other.
Chuuya looked over at his partner again, this time with a longing in his chest that physically hurt.
—
Twenty minutes later, Dazai shifted so he was folded in the passenger seat like a pretzel, head resting on the center console as he tried to get comfortable in his sleep. There was a warm pressure behind him, bending around his head as something splayed over his back, rubbing circles between his shoulder blades and lulling him back into a deep sleep.
Whatever it was comforted him enough to get him to sleep the entire ride back to Chuuya’s apartment and he leaned into the sensation like a lifeline.