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Your name is Equius Zahhak, and you are the worst moirail in the world.
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you, given your nature. You were STRONG, a gift from the Mother, but sometimes it felt possible that you were… Well, that you were too strong. It hadn’t registered to you when you lived secluded from other trolls your age. The only ones for miles were Vriska and Tavros, and you had no interest in interacting with them. But now that you were on this forsaken meteor, surrounded by eleven trolls who didn’t understand what personal space was, you found yourself constantly on the verge of bumping into someone.
You preferred to sit near your husktop and pile of scrap metal most of the time. You didn’t really MAKE anything, though, it was too risky to waste the limited material you had on robots for you to punch. It’s not like there was an absence of metal on the meteor, in fact, it wasn’t impossible that the meteor was made entirely of metal? But your teammates had gotten sick of you taking apart spare husktops and unoccupied experimentation tubes, and made Gamzee order you to stop. You couldn’t refuse an order.
Anyways, you agreed with their decision. You may be required to build something important in the future, like when Tavros asked for you to build him legs. It was selfish to make anything as useless as a fighting machine for yourself when everyone was struggling and not just you.
Without the option to take your biological, pent-up anger out on machines, you had been extremely on edge. You were afraid of lashing out and hurting someone on the meteor, especially Nepeta, who couldn’t seem to stay away from you.
That was weird, how you actually WANTED Nepeta to keep her distance. When you and your friends first ended up on the meteor, Nepeta was the silver lining of this whole thing. If the silver were gold and the lining was all you cared about. You’d longed to meet your precious moirail in person for as long as the two of you had been together, but now that you finally had, you realized something you hadn’t given much thought before. It was so easy to accidentally injure her. You always thought you could control yourself around defenseless creatures, but that’s because they weren't jumping on you every second of the day.
She was thin, you weren’t even sure where Nepeta had gotten that huge jade coat, which slipped from her shoulders. You HAD hurt her before, which was a terrifying experience. You tried reciprocating physical affection—holding her hand a few perigees back—and squeezed too hard by mistake. She’d yelped and pulled her hand away, before assuring you that it “really wasn’t a big deal”. It was. It wasn’t much, but it was something. It wasn’t much, but it was proof that you could not, in fact, control yourself. Proof that you were a savage brute, no matter how much you denied it.
Nepeta, who had an unexpected amount of STRENGTH from her previous uncivilized lifestyle, still paled in comparison to you. And although she should have been afraid of you, the idiotic girl wasn't. She wasn’t even weary of you. Unsolicited tacklepounces would catch you by surprise often, and you were helpless to do anything but go limp so as not to hurt your dear Nepeta.
Something which was an advantage back home, was now a weakness here. Even your noble blood color held no importance on the meteor. You hadn’t felt so useless in your life. Even Sollux, irritating as he was, contributed more to the group than you did. You couldn’t even offer your companionship to your friends, who still saw your presence as unwelcome. You’d have hoped, and assumed, that seeing your honorableness in person would change their view of you. But that clearly didn’t happen, and they respected you less than the mutant.
Most of them did, at least. Luckily, your wondrous moirail would never treat you in such a way. Even if she called you a weirdo sometimes as well. Speaking of, you were just now drawing a picture for her. The meteor was boring, even you had taken up some uncharacteristic hobbies. You’d originally tried to color with the crayons Dave had figured out how to alchemize, but after breaking one the second you attempted to write with it, you immediately returned them. Apologizing profusely, of course.
Now you sat on the floor of your respiteblock, dipping your fingers in different buckets of Nepeta’s paint and dragging them across the wall. You’d gotten the idea after seeing Nepeta's shipping wall, the two of you drawn together with a pink diamond in the middle. It was adequate, and you could appreciate her artistic skill, even if she did not draw your STRONG muscles. You wanted a matching one in your own room, in spite of you not spending much time in there.
You hoped she would enjoy the surprise. You knew she would.
When you finished, you stepped back to go over your work. It looked wonderful. It almost outshined the delicate beauty of the equine posters surrounding it. You left momentarily to retrieve Nepeta. After being the exemplary model of moirallegiance that she was, you wanted to give Nepeta at least one thing back.
EQUIUS: D --> Here you are, Miss Leijon
NEPETA: :33 < hehehehe, im excited!!
NEPETA: :33 < can i open my eyes yet?
EQUIUS: D --> No
EQUIUS: D --> Keep them closed and continue to walk in a linear direction
NEPETA: X00 < YEOWCH!!!!
EQUIUS: D --> Oh dear
EQUIUS: D --> I didn't think you would walk into that pillar
NEPETA: :33 < my eyes are closed, what did you expect?!
NEPETA: :33 < i really wish youd just lead me there
EQUIUS: D --> You know I can't do that
EQUIUS: D --> Just keep walking, we have already arrived at my respiteblock
NEPETA: :33 < okay okay
EQUIUS: D --> Great
EQUIUS: D --> Now open your eyes and behold the surprise I have carefully purrpared for you
NEPETA: :33 < hehehe, what? that was a good one
Nepeta removed her gloved hands from her eyes, grinning from ear to ear. When she saw the sizeable mural on your block’s wall, she screamed happily and tackled you to the floor.
NEPETA: :33 < equius!!!!!
NEPETA: :33 < this is the most purrfect most adorable thing i have ever S33N!!!!!!!
NEPETA: :33 < im so happy!!
EQUIUS: D --> Thank you, Nepeta
EQUIUS: D --> Tr001y, this is the least i could do
EQUIUS: D --> I know this is nothing in comparison to your gestures of affe%tion, so I am glad that you like it
NEPETA: :33 < whatre you talking about!
NEPETA: :33 < the pouncellor already ruled you the best moirail of all time
EQUIUS: D --> Who is The Pouncellor
NEPETA: :33 < my oc!
NEPETA: :33 < and shes someone really impurrtant so youd better listen to what she says
EQUIUS: D --> Well, not to insult The Pouncellor's knowledge, but I really am a rather terrible moirail
EQUIUS: D --> Though the thought had only recently begun to occur
EQUIUS: D --> There is no doubt
EQUIUS: D --> That you put more effort into this relationship than i do
NEPETA: :33 < thats not even true, stupid!
EQUIUS: D --> Language
NEPETA: :33 < you are a very good moirail
NEPETA: :33 < what makes you think otherwise? :((
EQUIUS: D --> What doesn't
EQUIUS: D --> I cannot show my high regards to you physically
EQUIUS: D --> I admit I am controlling
EQUIUS: D --> Even if it's for your own good
EQUIUS: D --> And to make matters worse I can't even pap you
EQUIUS: D --> This e%orbitant amount of STRENGTH I don is keeping me from showing you the care and affection which you deserve
EQUIUS: D --> And I know it's normal for our relationship to be so one sided, seeing as I am more nobly b100ded than you are
EQUIUS: D --> But even then, I still do not feel great about it
NEPETA: :33 < but...
NEPETA: :33 < i dont care about any of that, equius!
NEPETA: :33 < i know you would if you could, and you show me enough affection as is!
NEPETA: :33 < i mean just look at this adorrrable surprise you made fur me, you purrobably care about me more than i do fur you
NEPETA: :33 < i know youre just trying your hardest not to hurt me
NEPETA: :33 < even though im much too tough and quick to be hurt by you
EQUIUS: D --> Untrue
NEPETA: :33 < very true!!
NEPETA: :33 < youre the best meowrail a kitty could ask fur
EQUIUS: D --> Wow
EQUIUS: D --> Likewise
EQUIUS: D --> Thank you for these words, Nepeta
EQUIUS: D --> I will treasure them dearly
NEPETA: :33 < youre welcome!!
NEPETA: :33 < back to this impawssibly purrfect painting, are we riding pounce de leon?
EQUIUS: D --> No
EQUIUS: D --> we are very clearly on a graceful white hoofbeast
NEPETA: :33 < durrrr
NEPETA: :33 < i love it :33
You smiled at Nepeta, being careful not to break a tooth. Maybe you weren’t such a terrible moirail after all.