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Cassian climbs into the captain’s seat, fully intending to brief Kaytoo on the newly-received transmission from Base One, but is completely and utterly derailed when he sees what Kaytoo is doing. Or rather, what Kaytoo is watching.
One would think that Kaytoo would’ve run out of new ways to surprise Cassian by now, but no.
“Kaytoo,” Cassian says carefully. “What is that?”
“Information.” Kaytoo is staring intently – inasmuch as one with unblinking optical sensors can stare intently – at the holo playing above the dashboard. “You made a judgment call to invite them on board without a single background check, so it obviously falls upon me to address your error.”
“What?” Cassian blinks, fails to turn away, and leans in to study the moving miniaturized figures. “Is that…?”
“It was really easy to find, actually,” Kaytoo says. “Despite there being whole sub-genre on the open market, and multiple tiers and variations within that. Yet with just enough parameters, you can narrow it down considerably.”
Bodhi appears just then, poking his head up between their flight seats. “Are we heading to Eadu now? I was wondering if you needed…” He trails off. “Is that… porn?”
“It’s not—” Cassian stops himself. “It’s Kaytoo being Kaytoo. Turn it off. Hey, I said turn it off.”
“No,” Kaytoo says. “We should review the entire vid.”
“Why,” Cassian says.
“This is your fault, you know,” Kaytoo says. “It’s not as though this is a cruise shuttle, yet you’re going around inviting everyone you think might be useful, whether or not they might actually be useful—”
A roar from behind has Cassian sighing and pressing a gloved hand to his temple.
“What is that?” Baze yells. Cassian’s flight seat shudders when Baze practically slams against it, rattling Cassian’s teeth. “Where did you get that?”
Chirrut is less noisy in his approach, and merely pipes up from Bodhi’s other side, “Is that our holo? I thought it sounded familiar.”
“Turn it off!” Baze says.
“Don’t turn it off.” Chirrut taps Bodhi’s shoulder with his staff. “What’s happening in it?”
“What?” Bodhi says in alarm.
“Baze has always refused to describe it to me,” Chirrut says. “What’s it like?”
“I—I’m not—”
“There’s excellent physical and expressive detail, considering its age,” Kaytoo says. He deftly blocks Cassian’s attempts to reach over the switch it off, his optical sensors never leaving the blue-green projection. “Though I still had to do a facial match in order to be sure it was the two of you.”
“Oh yes,” Chirrut says, nodding. “Baze’s hair was shorter, mine was longer, among other things.”
“Chirrut,” Baze says.
“Now,” Kaytoo continues, “you’re pulling him off the platform and arranging him on a frame structure.”
“That was a bar top, not a platform,” Chirrut says. “And the pole frame was used by dancers, but obviously had other uses as well. Terribly complicated, but I only did that because the Hutt was complaining that he didn’t have a good view. How was I supposed to know?”
“The Hutt?” Cassian echoes.
“Long story,” Baze grumbles.
“This is no doubt part of that sub-genre of large men being mounted,” Kaytoo says. “And enjoying it enthusiastically.”
“Aren’t you a monk?” Bodhi says in disbelief.
“A monk, not a Jedi.” Chirrut pats Bodhi on the shoulder. “It’s all right. It was one of the better jobs we’d had over the years.”
A strange silence falls over the ship as they watch the illuminated figures go at it – their various limbs arranged in various configurations, and their muted voices increasing in fervor. Cassian and Bodhi even start to tilt their heads to follow the action, and Baze shifts closer to Chirrut’s side for no reason whatsoever.
Then Cassian’s stomach practically jumps into his throat when Jyn says, her voice close by and clear as a bell, “What was Baze’s weight then? 85? 90?”
“A little over 90,” Chirrut says.
“That is really impressive,” Jyn says.
Chirrut beams. “Thank you. I assume it’s reached the part where I have him up—”
He’s cut off when Cassian slams his hand across the dashboard, striking the switch out of pure luck and killing the stream.
“That,” Kaytoo says, “was uncalled for.”
“Now you know another portion of their skill set,” Cassian says. “Which is far more than we need to know. Show’s over everyone, we have a mission to deal with. Baze, Chirrut, I’m sorry for Kaytoo’s behaviour.”
“I’m not,” Kaytoo says.