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A few days before tenth grade started, they were sitting at a lake in their neighbourhood.
With summer coming to an end, the temperature had died down to something tolerable. Either way, neither of them were particularly fond of the sun, so they took shelter under a large tree.
Wifies had taken his shoes and socks off and was now wading in the shallow lake. The cool water felt nice lapping at his lower legs. Hummer sat a few feet away with his legs tucked up to his chest and his chin resting on his knees, watching Wifies splash around.
“I wish we didn’t live so far from the ocean,” Hummer admits wistfully, picking at blades of grass. “I think seeing it would actually heal me.”
Wifies stopped stepping in the silt and turned around. “Why the ocean specifically? There’s plenty of lakes around here. We’re literally sitting in front of one.”
“Yeah but that’s different.” Hummer complained, letting out a sigh as he tossed a pebble into the pond. It lands with a small splash and a plunk. “Lakes are boring. The ocean’s huge and endless. A person standing on the other side of the ocean could be standing on the other side of the world!”
Wifies stared at him, an idea forming in his head. “Maybe if I ever learn how to drive. We can go wherever you want."
“I really doubt you would ever get your licence," Hummer teases.
“You should have some more faith in me,” Wifies huffs. “I'll take my learner’s when I’m of age.”
“Have you even touched the manual?” Hummer asks skeptically. “Like at least skimmed it a bit?”
“Well, no?” Wifies crosses his arms, puffing his chest out a little. “It’s not like I need to, I’m smart.”
Hummer rolls his eyes. What an ego. Despite Wifies’s arrogant words, a faint smile tugs at his lips. “At this point even if you could legally drive, I don't know if I would want to be in a car you’re driving.”
“I’m trying to be nice to you here,” Wifies grumbles, pouting. “Plus, it’s pretty simple. Red means stop, green means go. Use the turn signal if you’re planning to turn. And don’t hit pedestrians. Or do.”
“See, that proves my point.”
“Whatever,” Wifies mutters, wading a bit farther out with a poorly concealed grin on his face.
Wifies did end up learning how to drive. He passed his learner’s first try the week he turned sixteen with only one motive in mind.
And here they both are.
Hummer has talked about the ocean since they met.
He tells Wifies about it in pieces, late at night, lying on the floor with the sound of Hummer’s parents arguing bleeding through the walls. He says it’s vast, beautiful, so much bigger than this small town they live in. He says he wants to see it once, just once before.
Before what, Wifies asks.
Hummer only shrugs, and that’s all Wifies needs to understand.
Back in sixth grade when they first met, despite Hummer’s usually flawless attendance, he wasn’t in class. Wifies had brushed it off, assuming that he’d just gotten sick. But then Hummer wasn’t at school the next day. Or the day after that, and that’s when Wifies started getting worried.
It wasn’t until next week when Hummer came back to school with faded, yellowish bruises on his face. That’s when Wifies knew there was something up.
He never said anything about it, or acknowledged it at all, but that’s how he knows that Hummer is tired, and has been looking for a way out for a while.
It’s been nearly six years since they met, and they're both in eleventh grade with adulthood and responsibilities about to settle over their shoulders.
There wasn’t a buildup or a specific moment they decided to run away. One evening Wifies was studying for a test with his eyes barely staying open. Hummer showed up outside his window with a new batch of injuries on his face and a look that said he had enough and wanted out. Ten minutes later, Wifies was pulling out of the driveway with Hummer in the passenger seat.
That’s the night they both left everything behind.
They drove for four days straight, only stopping to sleep, for gas, and for food. Hummer would lean his head against the window and talk with Wifies, usually ranting endlessly about ocean facts. Wifies enjoyed listening to him talk. He always had, finding Hummer’s accent and slightly nerdy way of talking adorable.
For those four days, they were the only two people in the world.
On the last day, they wake up bright and early, maybe a bit too early. It’s four in the morning, and Wifies wakes up to Hummer sitting up on the hotel bed next to him. Wifies doesn’t feel tired at all, somehow. He feels weirdly alive, and he can’t tell if he’s imagining it or if it has something to do with the fact that it all ends today.
He knows its coming, they have only a few miles left until they reach the ocean, the end of everything.
They get ready, check out, and they’re back on the road. Wifies feels strange, like he’s watching himself move about in third person. The whole thing about them running away has been something anticipated and braced for, yet Wifies still can’t wrap his head around it.
It’s right at the crack of dawn when they make it to the ocean. The sky is still a darker blue, with the faintest bit of orange starting to peak through. Wifies parks a hundred yards or so away from the edge of the cliff, and they both climb out of the car.
Hummer inhales a breath of air, and Wifies copies him. The faint scent of saltwater smells so much cleaner than every lake at home. This smells like it’s alive, something that can swallow him whole, that makes him feel small being near it.
He saw the ocean before they got close. It started as a sliver of water on the horizon, thin like a black blade. He’d pointed it out, and Hummer had gone quiet, and they’d both watched it turn from a line to something that took up nearly half the sky.
Now they’re here, and there's no more horizon to drive to.
“It’s beautiful,” Hummer says, so quietly the words are nearly carried away in the wind. Wifies hums in agreement.
Hummer steps a few feet closer, then for the next thirty minutes, he stands, just looking. The wind blows and turns it messy, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He stays in place, unmoving, and watches. Wifies stays a small distance behind him, admiring the land in front of them as their time bleeds away like grains of sand in the wind.
The sky doesn’t change much, staying the same shade of deep blue that clings to the last of nighttime. The moon is still up, casting pale light onto the water, highlighting every wave. Wifies thinks about the sliver of ocean that had turned out to be so big, and how he’s going to jump right into it.
Hummer looks so happy. His face is a mix of emotions Wifies can’t seem to name. Relief, maybe sorrow, maybe both. Hummer finally moves, turning around to lace his fingers with Wifies’s.
“I wish,” Hummer starts, then stops. He squeezes Wifies’ hand tighter, voice filled with longing. “I wish things could’ve been different.”
“Different how?”
“Dunno. Easier. Better. I wish I could've been enough to stay for.”
Wifies turns to look at the side of Hummer’s face. The freckles dusted over his cheeks and dirty blonde hair that was always a bit messy. Hummer is beautiful. Has always been beautiful. Even now with his eyes empty from the toll living had taken on him.
“You’re enough to stay with,” Wifies says quietly. “That’s why I’m here.”
They go silent after that. Wifies can hear the ocean now. They’re getting closer, close enough for them to hear the waves washing up ashore below them.
A ghost of a smile appears on Hummer’s face. “You’re scared, aren't you?”
Wifies lets out a huff of humorless laughter. “Of course you would know.”
Hummer looks at Wifies. He seems conflicted, eyes flashing with regret. “You know you don’t have to do this, right? You’ve got a great life ahead of you. You can let me go. Keep going forward.”
“That’s a funny thing coming out of your mouth,” Wifies says sarcastically.
“So you aren’t scared.”
“No, not really,” Wifies admits. He exhales slowly. “I’m scared of what comes after.”
Hummer doesn’t respond, urging him to elaborate. They’re at the edge of the cliff, one wrong move away from falling off. The drop isn’t too high, only fifteen metres or so, straight down into the deep waters of the ocean. Wifies has never been too fond of heights, or water he can’t see through. His fear forces its way up his throat. His chest tightens as he looks at the dark, churning water.
“What happens when you cease to exist?” His words start tumbling out before he can stop them. “Do you only exist as a physical human being, or do you have a soul? Where does that soul go after you die? Heaven? Hell? The afterlife? Will the rest of my life– or death be darkness? What if it’s just darkness? Forever? What if–”
Hummer lets go of his hand, instead bringing it up to cradle Wifies’ face, making him cease his rambling. “Wifies,” Hummer starts, looking into his eyes without a drop of doubt. “I don’t know about you, but I believe there’s something else. Something better.”
A lump forms in Wifies’ throat. He doesn’t want to cry. He was the one who insisted on following Hummer, for gods sake. The worst thing he could do right now was start sobbing and make Hummer worry about him. He swallows back tears.
“I want to believe in it so badly,” Wifies chokes out. “I just can’t find myself believing in something that might not even exist.”
Hummer doesn’t pull away. He smiles, thumb tracing Wifies’s cheekbone. The hollow look in his eyes melts away, replaced with one of tender affection and absolute certainty.
“Then believe in me.”
Something shifts inside of Wifies, and the panic melts away.
A strange serenity washes over him. His thoughts become clear as day. He’ll believe in Hummer, afterall, it’s quite hard not to. How could he not when Hummer had asked him so nicely, looking at him as if he was the only thing that mattered in the whole world? He would follow Hummer to the end of time if he’d done as much as asked.
Hummer steps forward, wrapping his arms around Wifies and pulling him in until there’s no space left between them. Wifies buries his face into the crook of Hummer’s neck, his hands gripping tightly into the fabric of Hummer’s shirt. He can feel Hummer’s heart beating rapidly to where they’re pressed against each other. They’re both here. Alive. Their hearts beating to keep them alive until they aren’t.
For a few moments, nothing happens. They don’t pull back, Wifies doesn’t want to. Some part of him doesn’t want to let go. Another part of him wants to beg and plead. Beg for what? To live? Or to get another chance at a life where they could be together? What if the universe separates them on the other side? Panic tries to claw its way back up Wifies’ throat.
Hummer’s voice echos in his head. He’d asked Wifies to believe in him. Wifies doesn’t have to trust the afterlife or whatever comes after death, he only had to believe in Hummer. And Wifies did, completely. He trusts Hummer with his life. Wherever Hummer goes Wifies will go too.
Hummer feels Wifies relax against him as he rubs circles on his back. “Is this it?” Hummer asks softly, pulling back slightly to scan Wifies’s face for any trace of actual doubt.
“Yeah.” Wifies whispers back, his mind made up. “Yeah it is.”
Hummer’s expression softens into something painfully tender. He leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to Wifies’s cheek. Hummer’s lips are warm against his skin, and Wifies thinks that he couldn’t be any happier.
Hummer lets out a small breath that fans out over his skin. He laces his fingers tightly through Wifies’s, then, without another word, he steps back, carrying them both over the edge.
There’s a fleeting moment where they’re both weightless. Wifies wonders if that’s what it would feel like to fly. Hummer’s arms tighten around him as gravity wraps around them, plummeting them both into the ocean.
They break the surface with a splash, and every sound around him is muffled instantly. The water’s cold. So cold. It pierces through his clothes instantly, seeping through his skin into his bones. Hummer slowly unravels their bodies, sliding Wifies’s other hand into his own.
Wifies forces his eyes open. His vision’s compromised. Everything around him is a blurry, deep blue except for Hummer’s face.
His limbs feel like lead, numb and useless from the cold. The surface seems so far away.
I can’t breathe.
Don’t fight it.
His body panics on instinct, pulling in liquid instead of air. Searing heat tears through his chest. His lungs burn.
It hurts.
It’ll be over soon.
The last bit of air in his lungs slips out of him, a tiny cluster of bubbles floating up to the surface that he’ll never reach again.
What if there’s nothing on the other side?
Hummer smiles softly, unbothered by the darkness closing in around them.
Do you believe in me?
I do. I believe you.
Wifies can feel his life ebbing away. His vision goes dark around the edges. The cold stops biting, heat rushing through him.
The last thing he feels is the warmth of Hummer’s hand, his fingers intertwined with his own.
And then, nothing.