Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Clark wasn't sure when his crush on Lex started. For his entire high school career he had been so in love with Lana, from afar and not-so-far, that any attraction he felt for anyone else was vague and hard to define. (Chloe, having dated him extremely briefly, could attest to this.) When he did recognize it it had confused him. He'd understood that same-sex relationships existed in theory, and that people did and do that, but it seemed far away. A Metropolis thing.

He knew he trusted Lex a little too much, defended him a little too readily. Even his dad, who claimed to always try to see the good in everyone, didn't trust him. That's how he'd figured it out, eventually.

But his crush didn't bother him. Lex might not deserve it, but he needed someone to believe in him. And it felt safe, in a weird way, because there was no way anything would come of it. It kind of sucked to have one more secret, but it was also satisfying to have one normal secret in his life.

And he managed to keep that secret for four years.

---

Lex and Clark trudged into Lex's study around midnight, exhaustion evident in their movements. A particularly dangerous and sleepless metahuman had run them ragged for days. Clark had been awake for far too long, been extremely stressed and worried for so long, even he had no energy left. The two men were torn up - much more emotionally than physically, although Lex was covered in cuts and scrapes - as they'd both come so close to dying, so close to each other. Again.

Lex wasn't aware that Clark's life hadn't been in any real danger. Both were very aware that Lex's had.

Lex went for his scotch, grabbing two glasses. Clark immediately protested that at 19 he was too young to drink. Lex called him a goody-two-shoes and only poured one glass before downing it. Clark collapsed into an armchair, lightly so that he wouldn't smash the piece of furniture. Lex dropped into the adjacent -90 degrees was still adjacent- armchair with his full weight, knowing he purchased the best. He placed his empty glass and closed bottle on the small glass table that completed the angled setup, wanting them close just in case.

Lex pressed his right knee against Clark's left as he sunk even further into his chair and Clark was glad Lex had initiated the contact. He'd wanted a tangible reminder that Lex was alive but had always been terrible with knowing what kind of touch was normal when he was near Lex.

They were having a nonsensical conversation. Sleepy, post-stress, post-adrenaline, post-near-death-experience nonsense. One tipsy, one punch-drunk. Both happy to be alive, both happy the other was safe. Clark was much too comfortable and loopy, however, because he'd accidentally mentioned his crush. Called it that, a schoolboy crush. He'd been joking about himself, let slip in a haze of self-deprecating humor.

Clark didn't notice Lex leaning forward, his hand on Clark's knee as Clark desperately attempted to backtrack. Hoped his face wasn't visibly reddening as he explained that he'd meant it like a "man crush," that's what Pete always called it, he was totally using the word crush in the joking sort of way.

Lex squeezed his knee and Clark stopped his babbling. "Aren't I supposed to have the crush on you?" he said with one of his trademark smiles, "Since you saved my life?"

Clark swallowed. When had Lex gotten so close? "D-do you mean tonight or the first time?"

Lex might have said something along the lines of "Every time" but Clark didn't register it as Lex had only sort of ended his answer before kissing him. And then Clark was so focused on the fact that Lex was kissing him that he didn't even react, didn't kiss back, as his mind tried to rearrange itself around the long-established "nothing will ever come of it" thought.

Lex broke the kiss. He had gotten up from his chair, leaning over Clark, right hand bracing his weight on Clark's thigh and left hand still on the back of his neck from kissing him. He shifted his weight back, head tilted to the side (and away) giving Clark a little space. He smirked but his eyes were insecure as he asked, "No good?" as if he was only asking if he was a bad kisser as opposed to whether his advancement wasn't appreciated.

Clark finally caught up, making a soft frustrated sound as he rushed forward to properly kiss Lex back.

They just kissed for a short while, Clark's hands in Lex's shirt, both being very gentle with the other -- Lex because Clark was so young and innocent and he was afraid to scare him away and Clark because he always had to be gentle with everyone and everything.

Lex's hands were in Clark's hair and it occurred to Clark to mirror him before remembering that Lex didn't have any hair to do anything with.

Lex was about to throw caution to the wind and be more aggressive when Clark broke the kiss with a small laugh. Lex rose his eyebrow, confused. Clark managed to explain, "You're bald," in the middle of his giggles.

"And you need to go to sleep," Lex responded fondly, lightly patting Clark's shoulder before walking away, presumably to lead him to his usual guest room.

Clark caught up to him quickly, taking Lex's hand to get his attention (and just because he could.)

"I don't think I can sleep without you tonight," Clark requested, fully sincere.

Clark slept really well that night.

Chapter Text

Clark woke up a little after dawn. You can take the boy off the farm and all that. Lex was still asleep.

Clark wondered if this was the part where he was supposed to be surprised that last night wasn't just a dream, but his life had always been too weird for him to entertain the thought. He more seriously wondered if this was the part where he was supposed to sneak out. He and Lex would pretend they never spent the night sleeping in each other arms because they'd both been too afraid to be apart. Pretend they never kissed.

Clark would be lying if he said he wasn't afraid that's what Lex wanted. That when he woke he would claim that last night was just a high emotion mistake, that he'd been drunk (Lex only had one drink and way more tolerance than that), that their latest stressful experience had been the entire reason they'd done anything and not just enough to do what they'd always wanted.

In any case Clark wasn't going to leave until Lex tells him to. It was too likely this would be all he'd get.

---

It wasn't common knowledge that Lex Luthor was bisexual. In fact, the only two people who knew were Lex himself and his father. His father who had forbid him to tell anyone. He'd given him permission to do the whole millionaire playboy thing, sleep with whatever women he'd like, but to not let it out to anybody that he was bi. He had nothing against his son's preferences or same-sex attraction in general (he'd named him after Alexander the Great after all) but knew it would be a PR shitstorm if it came out.

Nobody knew that for every woman he'd slept with there'd been a man he'd wanted just as much, but had abstained. For the most part. There had been very few and very discrete hookups.

Clark had been triply off limits. For the first three years of their friendship he'd been too young. (Lex felt guilty about being attracted to a teenager but Clark had always looked older than him, it wasn't fair.) And none of his usual methods would work with him. He didn't think he had the tools to do anything but occasionally sleep with and date someone in a casual, expensive way. Clark didn't deserve anything less than a sincere courtship.

Lex hadn't planned this, he thought to himself as he woke up in bed with Clark. He hadn't planned for anything for once. He'd always categorized Clark as something he'd never have. It had just happened. Clark had let slip his own attraction and suddenly Lex couldn't help himself. Lex had to admit he was a little lost, nothing good had ever just fallen into his lap without him scheming a bit first.

And what was he supposed to do now? Clark was nothing like his usual one night stands - hell, they hadn't even actually had sex. (He'd had every intention, but they'd obviously been too tired last night.) Lex was the king of morning afters. Women actually recommended sleeping with him to their friends, he knew. "Do it if you get the chance," they said, "he's a good lay and the next day is like a mini vacation." After all they got to shower in a luxurious mansion bathroom, get breakfast from a personal chef, and a ride home with a chauffeur.

Lex loved spending money on other people, loved pampering them and thought money should be spent and enjoyed. He knew he didn't have much else to offer.

When Clark realized Lex was awake he kissed him. He didn't know how else to communicate what he needed to: I like you, I don't regret last night, how are you feeling about everything?

Lex didn't even think about it. He kissed him back hard and shifted their positions so he was on top. Morning sex was a reflex to Lex Luthor.

---

Lex was aware that it was ridiculous but he felt fiercely good about being Clark's first. It had come up that he wasn't just his first guy, but his first ever, and Lex knew it was stupid but he felt victorious about it. That was one of the reasons he couldn't stop grinning anyway.

But eventually the afterglow faded and they needed to talk.

"What now?" asked Clark.

"We should probably take showers."

Clark gave him a look that insisted he be serious.

Lex looked at the ceiling, thinking. What he wanted was to ask Clark to date him in secret. Have his cake and eat it to. But it wouldn't work. People would be suspicious if Lex stopped having women on his arm, and maybe even if Clark stopped dating people. More importantly Clark was far too honest to even think about doing that.

He bit the bullet.

"I say we go for it."