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Colt should be happy.
He won. He saved the day and got the girl, and he didn’t die doing it—though he may have gotten close on several occasions. That was a full success. Hell, he even got his old job back and overcame his fear of returning to it. He should be over the fucking moon.
Instead, his guts were broiling with dread.
He owed it to Jody to tell her the truth. He wouldn’t get away with white lies anymore. Not when he was supposed to be better, when he was supposed to put all his feelings on the table.
Just thinking about having that conversation made him want to throw up.
Luckily, cleaning things up kept them busy for a while. The movie needed to get finished, and with a new lead actor. The legal stuff occupied the rest of their time, and Colt was healing from strained muscles and bruised ribs. He felt like he’d been tossed in the dryer on high. That was a pretty good excuse, for a week or two.
Then things calmed down.
Movie production was running smoothly, and they were miraculously on track to release the film on time. Jody was beaming about it. She’d been so unsure of her script before, but now she was certain she was making a masterpiece. That confidence looked good on her.
They weren’t going to have to appear in court, either. Plea deals were taken and suits settling. Everything was coming up Colt and Jody. Except, maybe, Colt and Jody.
…
Colt didn’t have to come to set every day, but he tried to, just to support Jody. He was unofficially supervising the stunts, though they’d filmed most of the big ones already. No need to reshoot those scenes.
He picked up two coffees from craft services and brought them over to the director’s chair. It was empty.
“Anyone seen Jody?” he asked.
“She went back to her trailer. We changed the filming schedule, since it’s overcast,” one of the PAs said.
“Ah. Right.” Colt looked up and squinted at the sky. Cracks of sunlight peeked through the grey clouds. “Thanks for letting me know.”
He meandered off set to the trailers. The coffees sloshed as he walked, the one in his right hand starting to leak a little out of the side of the lid.
“Anyone home?” He rapped on the door with his knuckles.
“Colt! Oh, coffee, bless you.” Jody eagerly took the cup from his left hand. Coly followed her up the steps and into the trailer.
“This sky gonna put you behind schedule?”
“No, no. We only have a few scenes left to film, anyways. Small stuff, just the leads talking to each other. Third act resolution.”
“Right.” Colt put his coffee down on the counter and licked the spilled liquid off his hand. “The lovers come clean about their feelings and make up?”
“Exactly,” Jody nodded. She gulped down her coffee, let out a satisfied sigh, and wiped her mouth. Her lips spread into a grin.
“Feels like we haven’t had a moment to ourselves in forever,” she said. “So maybe the sky is doing us a favor.”
She stepped into Colt’s space, and Colt wrapped an arm around her back, leaning down to kiss her. Easy and slow, a comfortable rhythm resurrected from their old fling.
Fling wasn’t exactly the right word. What they had back then was a thing full of air and light, a balloon soaring into the stratosphere. It was all flirtation and laughter. They weren’t particularly physical.
That was part of the problem.
It wasn’t just that Colt never said he loved her. It was that he never showed her, either. That’s why she’d been so angry with him. That’s why he avoided her after the accident.
That’s why he had to tell the truth now.
“Colt,” Jody said, pressing her body into his, her breath heavy into his mouth.
“Mm?” He tilted his head. His lips were in the perfect position to kiss her jaw, but he held back.
“Don’t you wanna…?” She tilted her head toward the little bed at the back of the trailer.
Colt glanced at it, then back at her.
“It’s a bit small, don’t you think?”
“Colt!” Jody laughed and shook her head. He smiled, but his eyebrows pulled down like he was frowning.
He opened his mouth, sucked in a breath. The words didn’t come.
“Come on, I’ve been waiting so long. We can make do with a shitty little trailer bed, right?” She gripped his face, rubbing her thumbs through the stubble on his cheeks.
“We… can,” he said. She giggled and started tugging him towards it, hand on his wrist, but he remained firmly in place.
“But—” Again, the words escaped him. His throat closed up.
“But?” Jody gave him a wary look.
Colt cleared his throat.
“We need to… I need to… there’s something…” He sighed, cringing at himself.
“Colt. Don’t. Don’t do this right now. We just—”
“I know.” Colt shook his head. “It’s not what you’re thinking. At least, I don’t think it is.”
“Well, now I’m just confused.”
“Ugh, I know.” Colt dragged a hand over his face. “Can we sit down?”
Jody brought him to the bed. They sat on the edge of it, legs dangling off so their toes just barely touched the ground. Jody put her hand on the mattress between them, and Colt wrapped his hand around hers without hesitation. It grounded him. He took a deep breath, and found the words.
“We can have sex if you want,” he said. “But you should know I don’t… feel the way most guys do about it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, it’s not important to me. And that might make you feel like you’re not important to me, but that’s not true. You are. You really are.”
Jody frowned and stared at him, her eyes narrowed. Colt scratched his cheek and looked away.
“It’s why I avoid relationships. I’m not very good at making it clear how I feel. But, uh. But I’m saying it to you now, and I’ll keep saying it, okay? So, even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes, you’ll know. You’ll know I love you.”
“So that’s why…” Jody mumbled. “You know, I almost thought you were religious, or something. And then I thought you were just fucking with me the whole time. Well—not fucking. You know. Taking the piss.”
“Oh, god, no.” Colt laughed and shook his head. “I wasn’t. I was a coward about it, yeah, but I wasn’t trying to mess with you. I really did like you. And I still do, obviously. I’m crazy about you, Jody.”
“Right. You keep saying that.”
Colt felt his jaw clench.
“You don’t believe me?”
“No. I do. I’m just a little confused.” Jody shifted her position, bringing one of her legs up on the bed and folding it under herself. Their hands remained clasped together. “It’s just sex, then? That you’re weird about?”
“I guess so, yeah. But it’s not like…” Colt felt the words getting stuck again and gulped down the lump in his throat. “I don’t mind it, really. Physically, it’s all fine. Everything… works.”
Jody snorted. Colt flashed a little grin.
“It’s an attraction thing. It’s called, uh, asexuality. I’m kind of asexual. It’s complicated, don’t worry about it.”
“What? No, no, explain.” Jody leaned in closer. “I want to know.”
“You do?” Colt looked her up and down. She had that stern, serious expression on her face, and she nodded, hard.
“Okay. Sure.” Colt ran his hand through his hair. “So, asexuality is a sexual orientation. Like homosexual or heterosexual. It means you’re not attracted to anyone, sexually. But, uh, it’s not the same as not being attracted to people romantically. That’s called being aromantic.”
Colt glanced at Jody to make sure she was following. She nodded, making a small motion for him to continue.
“And asexuality is kinda a spectrum, too. Like, some people are totally grossed out by sex and don’t want anything to do with it, some people are kinda whatever about it, and some people are interested, but only under certain conditions or it fluctuates or that kinda stuff.” Colt shrugged. “I’m probably not explaining it great. But there’s lots of ways to be ace or on the ace spectrum. I’m on the ace spectrum. I’m mostly okay with sex, but… my sexual attraction is really low, and, uh, it’s kinda noticeable when I’m doing it. My exes all said I looked bored or, like, made them feel like they weren’t attractive enough. Which made me feel like a shitty boyfriend so I stopped… yeah.”
“Yeah.” Jody nodded and squeezed his hand.
“You… you’re not weirded out by all that?” Colt asked.
“No?” Jody frowned. “You explained it fine. I think it makes sense.”
“Really?”
“Sure. I might have some questions but…” Jody let out a breath and smiled up at him, her gaze soft and warm. “I’m happy you told me.”
“Yeah. Me too.” Colt nodded. “I don’t know if you could tell, but I was super nervous.”
“You looked like you were about to pass out for a second, actually.”
“Oh, god, really?” Colt groaned. Jody laughed.
“It’s cute. But also no, actually, it’s kind of sad.” She bit down on her thumbnail for a minute, thinking so hard Colt could practically see the steam coming out of her ears. “It probably makes it worse that you’re this macho stunt guy, right? People expect you to be all a certain way.”
“Um. Yeah, I guess.”
“Which means you must really trust me and want to be with me, to tell me.”
“Right.”
“Which is kind of sad but, actually, yes, very cute!” Jody nodded and looked up at him with a smile. “I have an idea for my next movie.”
“Oh, no, no, no!” Colt wagged a finger at her. “I think you’ve put our relationship on the screen quite enough with this one.”
“No one’s gonna know.” She grabbed his hand and shook it around with excited energy. “Don’t worry your empty little head about it.”
“Hey!” Colt snapped.
Jody giggled and kissed him.
“Don’t think this is going to stop me from teasing you.” She tapped him on the nose and hopped off the bed, grabbing a notepad and pen to start scribbling down her ideas.
Colt rolled his eyes and leaned back on his hands, watching her with an adoring smile.
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said, putting on a calm front. Inside, he was still screaming, trying to make sense of it all. She didn’t mind. She believed him. She still wanted to be with him.
Something bright and burning swirled in his stomach, like kids running on the beach with sparklers.
There it was. Happiness.