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1. I Know What It's Like to Be Afraid of Your Own Mind by matimae

   Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types  

   • Mature
   • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
   • M/M
   • Complete Work

   17 Oct 2026

   Tags

   • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
   • Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov
   • Shane Hollander
   • Ilya Rozanov
   • Whumptober 2026
   • Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov Situationship
   • Implied/Referenced Suicide
   • Suicide Attempt
   • Irina Rozanova Haunts the Narrative
   • Depressed Ilya Rozanov
   • Ilya Rozanov Needs A Hug

   Summary

   Ilya hated the way his body responded to Shane’s voice. He tried to ignore the wave of warmth he got just being near the other man. The longing that tried to desperately crawl its way out of his skin, begging for the space to breathe in a life where maybe he could have this. Have him. But he couldn’t have this. He couldn’t have him. He had Russia, and he had his obligations to his family, and the weight of disappointment under the expectations of his father.
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   OR, an alternate version of the rooftop scene where Irina haunts the narrative, and Ilya fears he’s becoming too much like her. 

   Series

   • Part 13 of Matimae's Hollanov Whumptober 2026

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   1,569

   Chapters:

   1/1

   Kudos:

   82

   Bookmarks:

   7

   Hits:

   693