Chapter Text
You look up (again) to the clock tower ceiling, trying to make sense of the events that happened in this strange nightmare you were still in. Because certainly you must still be dreaming if even after the clock tower talk with Isa, you didn't got back to the spot below that tree you were sure you went to nap before waking up at that blinding meadow (again).
And also, the party seemed… Strange. They were stiff and tired, their minds drifting elsewhere every time they talked with you. You know this feeling well, could understand when it happened and the whys, but even Bonnie was treating you out of focus when you talk! And you tried to annoy them to get their attention!
So it must all be a dream right? An abnormally long dream, but a dream at the end of the day. So there was nothing that you should be worrying about, just focus on letting it do it's job and wait to the sweet moment you will wake up with your friends at your side.
Your fingers fidget with the blanket around you at the thought of waking up, trying to ease some of the tension out of your body and finally be able to sleep. But it doesn't work as intended, instead you feel as if your body just gets more and more awake as the minutes pass by and you are still laying down in that stupid bed that doesn't bring you any comfort when you could be up and training or doing something that is actually useful.
(It is because is a dream…? What would even be useful in here?)
Well, clearly sleeping won't help right now.
You move slowly, using all the years of traveling alone and of being inside the loops to walk quietly through the wooden floor, putting your chest harness and fastening the side bags on, making sure everything is in it's place. You decide against using your cloak today, just for the feeling of doing something new in the loops even if it's just a dream, besides, using it when you are back in Dormont would be... Anyway! Youur eyepatch itches on where it sits too a new feeling! so you leave it behind, silently walking away from the clock tower with only your casual clothes on and trying to not make any noise when your heels meet the wood.
(Do you even had casual clothes back in the loops or even before that? The concept only came to you when traveling to Bambouche and Isa wanted to buy and make some for you.)
You let your feet walk by themselves, taking you wherever this dream wants you to be at the moment, you already know Dormont like the back of your hand now and there is no new place this dream could be taking you. The moon shines over you and guides you to what feels right, the wind against your hair and your unprotected torso making you tremble with something akin to cold.
(But it can't be, it can't, it is all a dream after all.)
And you walk and walk until you are…
The Favor Tree.
Your hands unconsciously grab on the coin that rests at your pants pocket, twisting it between your fingers just like They used to do, a memory that never got said out loud but it marked you anyway. You can almost imagine Them making some corny comment about it, joking about you two being partners again.
(Your heart aches for something you can't describe yet.)
You walk slowly in the direction of the tree even when fearing what you may find. It will be nothing? A grave for the version of yourself that you couldn't save but that made it possible for you to escape? A black hole of the neediest thoughts of yours, waiting for you to come back? A copy of Them, waiting for the moment to take Their rightful place?
(Thought if there were to exist a copy in this world, it would be you and you know it.)
Maybe you should go back… The dream is being pleasant so far! It's a complete change of pace to the usual screaming and gore visions you got on the others before! You don't want to lose this calm air yet, right? You turn on your heels, deciding to go back to the clock tower before any one notices your disappearance and-
"Traveler? What are you doing walking at night?"
You stop suddenly, letting the familiar mocking tone fall over your head, looking up to the Favor Tree where…
"Loop?"
Their eyes widen with shock, your feet seem planted on the field beneath you as Loop gasps and takes a step back, lightless hand full of dots rolling up in fists, taken by surprise. You wait, fueled with the fear that moving will make your mind get ideas on how to make it wrong and distorted, to make it hurt even more.
"Stardust?"
You run.
Both of you fall to the ground with the strength of your despair, Loop wheezes out of breath from it, their arms stuck between yours. You can only laugh at how real they feel in your hands, how their glow twitches as you breathe next to them. Almost six months… All this time without them, and you missed them. You missed them!
A groan escapes you as Loop holds your face with their hands, pushing it away to look at you properly. Wide two-shade eyes look at you with such care and wonder that you have to ask yourself just how much time you have been apart from their point of view. It was months too? It was years?
"Stars, it is really you." Loop says in a quiet tone, almost as a note to themselves about it, thumbs caressing below your eyes stars you forgot your eyepatch Bonbon will get upset. You laugh wetly, tears falling down even as you feel fuller than you had some moments before.
"I didn't expect to find you in a dream of all places, Loop. How did you even get here?"
Loop's face falls and your heart goes with it.
"A dream…? Stardust no, ah..." Loop talk fast, as if their thoughts were rushing. Knowing them, they probably are. No no nononono "You're (back) in Dormont. Before defeating the King."
Your heart stops.
"No, this (can't be real)…" But it can, right? It is not like a time loop was something believable for you before you were stuck in one after all, so going back on time to the beginning shouldn't be something new. "But-! I did everything right!"
A sob makes way up your throat, your hands flying from the grass to your mouth, trying to cover the ugly sounds falling from you. Your eye start to ache and you know the left one will be swollen by the end of it.
Did any of them started to have doubts? Do any of your family started to plan their trip home? What happened? What happened ! !
"We are traveling together! We were going to see Bon's sister! We were… So close! I- I thought…!" But it doesn't matter what you thought, does it? At the end of the day it's the Universe that decides when your wish is fulfilled, when your suffering ends. You hiccup, tears falling over on Loop's glowing face, making the glow twitch for a moment where the tears land. "Loop, it isn't fair!"
Loop press their eyes — you still don't know what this face means —, a sort of sad looking stare that goes right into your soul.
You feel dumb and stupid for throwing a tantrum over something that you know is a sore spot to Loop, but you can't control your tears or the way your heart aches, missing the warmth and closure of the ones you worked so much to call family.
(It isn't fair to any of you, it is?)
Silence washes over both of you, cut only by your low cries and Loop's unsteady breathing. The night sky watches, silent as it always do, apathetic as it always is.
(You still prefer it over the Change God false empathy, that distorted thing that calls themselves a fair god.)
"I'm sorry." You say, grimacing at how dry your voice sounds. It is strange after crying so much and you can tell your right eye is puffy already, your nose itches with a damp trail of tears. Loop sighs looking away, their hands still resting on your cheeks, thumbs tracing the tear lines now, gentle circles that ground you into this nightmare fueled reality.
"Nothing to be sorry about, Stardust." They say slowly, too quiet, as if measuring the words and it's weight in their head. Loop thinks for a moment more, looking at you again with eyes that smile with familiar mischief. "Hah, this pose feels familiar~"
You blink before remembering, throwing your head back away from their hands no no and laughing loudly into the night. Oh, you two really are bad at this feelings things.
"Hey! At least I'm not holding my dagger at your throat now!"
Loop laughs, hand coming to rest in the space where their mouth should be, their eyes shining with tears that do not fall. You wonder again how much time had passed for Loop, how much time you lost from their life just as they lost from yours. You want to tell them everything, Bon's cooking, Odile's new journal, Mira's new little changes, Isa's fashion hobby…
You heart aches.
You don't want to think about it.
"But wait," you think of today's events, of this party and how strange they looked. "If this is back in the loops then why they all seem…"
"Stiff? Worried? Stressed? With all the weight of 51 loops in their little heads~??" Loop completes, eyes still smiling but now with a certain line of worry behind it. Your heart aches it aches and aches. "Yeah, they are the ones looping now, my Stardust~"
You blink. "Oh."
"Yeah, oh."
"Ugh! Blinding-" You groan, getting out from them. Letting yourself lay on their side on the grass, looking above and unconsciously searching for stars, a trained habit that even the Universe can't shake off from your dead body. "So what? I am supposed to be a guide like you?"
Loop thinks over your words with a "hmmn", sitting up in the grass. Their glow shines over your face, it is nice like the glow of a candle but without the warmth of one.
"Maybe? If you are that surprised to being here, then you wouldn't be the one that wished for it… Maybe one of y- of the other Siffrin's party made a wish." Loop says, quickly correcting themselves before continuing. "'A Siffrin that remembers', 'someone to help us', 'someone to give us answers' or variants, would do the trick."
Your nose turns at the thought, you can't judge them for wishing for help when you only didn't because Loop was at your side, but you know for sure that they weren't using the proper rituals and that could be half the motive the Universe misunderstood the wish. It is a shitty situation to all the involved, you guess.
"Loop, I don't want tooo!" You whine, playfully taking their hand in your hands to shake them. Loop flinches with the touch, but quickly laughs loudly.
"Oh please, Stardust!" Loop pushes you, but you can tell by the lack of force that is playful. "Tell them you're not theirs! Or make an act! Whatever! Just know that the Universe will ask of you to guide them."
The last part is said with such a venomous tone you can't help but hide your face in their hand. You know it is not exactly your fault, but you can't help feeling guilty every time you remembered the Dagger Incident. At least you didn't do it again, your discussions seemed so much heavier after you discovered what you could do with them without even wanting to.
"What if I defied the script?" You propose quietly. Loop shrugs, turning with a bored look.
"Haven't you tried this already?"
"Yeah, but I was the only one looping then." You try to explain, moving to sit up and look at Loop better. Grinning, you continue. "What if I just… Pretend that nothing happened? That I'm their Siffrin. And then start 'remembering' random things that they didn't tell me before?"
Loop seem to think for a moment, finger going up as it does when they are having an idea.
"I think… That you should do as you want, Stardust! It is not like the script as you know still exists, this party don't act like yours!" They hold their hand together, talking with a happy tone. "Also, I'm not the one in Siffrin's body! I can at least pass without being confused as him, you aren't so lucky. So be my guess and do as you see fit~"
You sigh then, falling on the grass again and putting your hat on your face to protect your eyes from Loop's glow, maybe here you would be able to sleep, away from the copies of everyone you know.
Nothing more than your breath and Loop's humming fill the air for a moment. It's quiet, something familiar of the time of your loops when everything was too much and all you needed was the noise of the night below the Favor Tree. You yawn, feeling your eyelid getting heavy.
"Don't sleep here, Stardust."
"I won't." You grumble, a clear lie as you feel your eye already dropping. "Just… Resting."
"Liar." Loop pokes you, but there is no heat in their voice.
You mumble something in response before falling asleep at Loop's feet, feeling safe despite all that is awaiting you.
(You dream about two shooting stars, falling together from the sky.)