Archive of Our Own

Seonghwa dug his nails into his palms to keep from jumping as the Director brought his hand down on the large wooden desk between the two of them, knuckles thunking against the wood. His eyes bore into Seonghwa with so much icy disappointment he felt like his skin was peeling. "Explain to me again what went wrong."

"The monsters got the upper hand on us. There were more of them than we anticipated, and we were under-prepared for an ambush." Seonghwa said, as measured as he could get his voice to be. It wasn't like the explanation was really necessary anyway, but he wanted to at least be able to say he tried. He knew he was in for a punishment the moment he returned to the agency without a monster head.

"Under-prepared." The Director said, letting out a low hiss under his breath. "Now, Captain, how is that possible?"

Seonghwa refrained from saying the truth, that it was impossible for them to have been prepared for an ambush based on what they were given. The agency had sent them on a mission to capture and kill one monster, and so they were only given enough resources to do that. It was standard practice. Giving out extra men, weapons, and equipment for every single-monster case would be a massive waste, but it also meant that if an ambush did happen, there was no way to be ready for it. And still, Seonghwa was unsurprised he was being blamed for it. "It shouldn't have been, sir. I am entirely at fault for this misstep."

"Then I suppose you would prefer to take the the full brunt of consequence." The Director said, and Seonghwa nodded without a second thought. The Director let out a brief huff. "Unfortunately, Captain, I'm not entirely convinced that your team is learning anything from these mistakes. Especially if you continue to insist on shielding them from any due punishment."

Seonghwa felt his heart sink. He'd always feared this happening eventually. Ever since Seonghwa was awarded the title of Captain over three years ago now, he had been putting himself in the line of fire deliberately to spare his fellow hunters. It wasn't like he had to do it extremely often, because he knew the rules inside and out, but even he wasn't good enough to keep those entrusted to him completely safe. He should've known that eventually the agency would get sick of only punishing him. He just thought he'd have more time. He swallowed back the tiny part of him that wanted to argue, to insist, and nodded. "I understand."

"It was you, Jung W., and Hwang S., wasn't it? I have another hunt for you." The Director said, opening a drawer in his desk and flipping to a file towards the back. Seonghwa realized what was happening before the file even hit the desk.

A "den case." An attack on a large group of monsters, on their home terf. The hunters of the agency called them "suicide missions." Seonghwa had never heard of a successful den case, and he never would, because everyone knew what they really were. Being sent out to your death without the numbers or weapons to actually accomplish anything. Culling the group of monsters as much as you could before they killed you, hoping the agency regarded you enough to retreive your body, and knowing they never did. Seonghwa had tempted fate a lot with failure over the years, but he'd convinced himself he'd never be on the recieving end of a den case. He'd convinced himself he was too valuable a hunter. He should've learned sooner that holding any conviction like that was proof he wasn't valuable at all. A valuable hunter would know his place.

"Sir." Seonghwa tried, as the Director laid out the file on the desk, opening it to the first page. He felt his stomach pull as he realized that not only was this a den case, but a den full of high-priority captures. Monsters who'd been terrorizing the city for years, who'd no doubt killed tens of civilians and his fellow hunters alike. The One-Eyed Shifter was an especially notorious one. The monsters they could get to talk always spoke of it like a leader, and any human he'd ever come face to face with referred to it in terror if they referred to it at all. Seonghwa knew that all the "King of Monsters" myths were untrue, but if he had to guess who they were about, his first and only choice would be the One-Eyed Shifter. Facing it down was one thing, Seonghwa had done it twice and failed both times, but facing it down in its home with the rest of its cohort present was asking for death more than even the average den case was. Seonghwa felt his collected facade crack. "Director—"

"Seonghwa." The Director said. Seonghwa's blood ran cold. He hadn't been referred to by his given name by anyone with authority in years. "You're one of our best, and so you must know I hate to do this, but you've been slipping as of late. Especially since Jung and Hwang were assigned to you. I would suggest you look at this case not as punishment, but as an opportunity to prove yourself. Perhaps change your attitude. The goal of a good hunter should be to protect our civilians above all else. I feel like your own goal became misaligned somewhere along the way."

Seonghwa tried not to let that comment puncture him, but it was difficult. Everything he did was in pursuit of protecting others. But he supposed, in trying to protect his subordinates, he had become slightly selfish as of late. Had he really been letting down the commonfolk, in favor of his fellow hunters? How could he have let himself get so caught up?

"I understand." Seonghwa said, keeping his nails biting into the skin of his palm.

"There's a reason I made you a Captain, Seonghwa." The Director said, circling the desk to set a hand on Seonghwa's shoulder. It felt more heavy than comforting. "This world needs good hunters, and good leaders. You have the capacity to be both, you just need to remove all the things that have been holding you back."

Seonghwa nodded, trying to keep back the conflicted emotions rising in him as the Director put the case file in his hands. "I understand."

"You may see yourself out. I expect you and your team to meet me by the East gates at seven tomorrow morning." The Director said, retreating back behind his desk and sitting in the plush leather seat behind it. Seonghwa turned to go, the click of his boots against the polished wood floors nearly defeaning to his ears. As he reached the door, he heard the Director adjust in his seat. Seonghwa knew well enough to turn back over his shoulder, watching as the Director leaned over his desk with a hardened expression. He cleared his throat once, gaze lingering on Seonghwa. "Do not dissapoint me, Captain."

"No, sir."

The doors closing behind Seonghwa sounded like a death knell, echoing in his ears and following him down the hall.

—

Seonghwa had read through the case file five times by the time the rest of the hunters in his room returned from dinner. He wasn't sure why he was doing it. There was no amount of studying he could put in that would even give him a chance of getting himself, Wooyoung, and Sunwoo out of this one. Six monsters, all with their own extensive record of sightings and attacks. The One-Eyed Shifter was terrifying enough one his own, but he had nothing short of five other high-profile captures directly behind him this time. Five other monsters who would probably be gleeful in ripping Seonghwa and his men apart.

Maybe the only reason Seonghwa was reading it so much was to prepare himself to tell them what was happening. How he'd failed them, what to expect out of the death they would be faced with tomorrow.

None of the other hunters in Seonghwa's room bothered him as he flipped back and forth through the dense file. They usually didn't anyway, but today it almost felt like every one of them knew the weight of the file in his hands. The death sentence he was holding. It wasn't until he heard his bunkmate climb into bed above him that he finally snapped out of it, closing the case file and standing. The room was eerily silent of its usual mumbled chatter as he marched out of the room and down the hall towards Room 8, at the opposite end.

He raised his fist to knock, hesitating when he heard someone laugh inside.

He followed through after a single deep breath. This moment would be ruined for them anyway. Who cared when.

A hush fell over the room as soon as he knocked, two in quick succession, the calling card of a Captain instead of the three random knocks of a lower rank hunter or the single uniform knock of a higher authority. The door was opened in a second, Wooyoung's fresh face staring back at him with a tiny smile. His hair was still damp from a shower. Seonghwa felt more guilt than he thought possible.

"Jung." Seonghwa acknowledged quietly, and the smile disappeared from Wooyoung's face in a millisecond. "I need to speak to you and Hwang in private."

Wooyoung looked back into the room, and Seonghwa followed his line of sight to where a bunch of them were playing cards on a circle in the middle of the floor. Sunwoo slowly stood, setting his cards on another young hunters thigh with a whispered "take my turn."

Seonghwa lead the two of them away from the quarters and out towards the empty courtyard, punching his access code into the panel and hearing the click of the lock grant them entry. He took them to a small, secluded part of the courtyard by the shallow pond in the corner. It had always been one of Seonghwa's favorite places in the agency building, as stupid as it probably seemed. A tiny pond dug a couple feet into the dirt and inhabited only by some overgrown waterlilies. If he was honest, bringing them here was mostly for the selfish desire of wanting to see it one last time. To find some false comfort in it.

"Captain?" Wooyoung whispered as Seonghwa sat down, setting the case file in his lap. Seonghwa had no doubt they'd already noticed it. "Is this…about the mission?"

"Yes." Seonghwa said. Sunwoo was already picking at the skin around his nails.

"The meeting didn't go well, then?" He asked hesitantly.

"I did my best." Seonghwa said, honest. "The Director was not keen to let me take the blame."

"Are we in trouble?" Wooyoung asked, and Seonghwa physically forced his eyes to the pond. He couldn't look at Wooyoung after hearing that. After hearing how young it made him sound. Because that was the worst part, Wooyoung and Sunwoo were achingly young. Only a couple years behind Seonghwa in age, maybe, but they were new recruits, barely a year into the agency. Still kids in all but actual age. Seonghwa had been here for nearly eight years. He knew better. He should have known better. He should have protested when he got the mission assignment, complained to the Director like he was annoyed by the boys instead of worried for them. He should have insisted on bringing stronger, older recruits. He should have been brasher, complained about green hunters and babysitting. In short, Seonghwa should've done what the other two Captains in the agency would have done in his place. If only he were more like them, maybe he wouldn't be about to tell two boys who hadn't even really gotten a chance to see the good they could do as hunters that they were being considered dead weight.

"Captain." Sunwoo said. "What's the file?"

Seonghwa's thumb pressed into the manilla folder in his hands. If he were any more aggressive, he could have dented it. He smoothed it back out. "I would like you to know, I am very sorry. I tried to have him reconsider."

He looked back up at them then, and saw the moment Sunwoo understood their situation. Wooyoung looked back and forth between them, lost.

"A den case?" Sunwoo asked, sounding winded. "A den—you're fucking kidding me."

Wooyoung's eyes widened and he lurched, losing any decorum he might have had as he snatched the file away. If they were in any other setting, Seonghwa would have swiftly lectured him for that, but he and Wooyoung had become rather close in the quiet moments like this one. The least he could do was let him get away with one more rash action before he caught a monster's fangs in his neck tomorrow morning.

"Seonghwa." Wooyoung breathed, flipping frantically through the file. His bottom lip was trembling. "Why?"

Seonghwa bit his tongue. "I wish I could say."

"This isn't fair." Sunwoo complained, and Seonghwa nearly shushed him. "We didn't even do anything wrong."

"I know." Seonghwa said, shame eating up his insides like a swarm of tiny carnivorous bugs.

"You're the best captain they have." Wooyoung said, like that was what he was most confused about. Like he was more offended on Seonghwa's behalf than about his own life being called disposable. "Why would the send you on a den case?"

"I am as much a hunter as anyone else." Seonghwa said, a fact that had been beaten into his head by every single authority in the agency when he screwed up. Remember your place, Captain, they'd sneer. Your rank is just a pretty word. "It only makes sense I'd face consequences like one."

"That's bullshit." Sunwoo mumbled. Seonghwa's shoulders tensed into a straight line.

"Yeah." Wooyoung agreed, huffing. "Good thing we're going on this case together. I'd rather die than serve under any of those other assholes."

"Boys." Seonghwa hissed.

"They're killing us anyway." Sunwoo said, getting up and starting to pace back and forth. Seonghwa tried to hold his tongue so he didn't complain about Sunwoo thoughtlessly trampling the tiny flowers under his feet, hiding in the grass. Logically, it should have been the least of his concerns. Especially when he was having to sit here and listen to two hunters make dissenting remarks about the agency within its walls. "I hope they at least know what a mistake they're making sending you with us."

"Sunwoo." Seonghwa warned again, a flash of panic flitting through him when Wooyoung dropped the case file on the ground and got up too. He scrambled forward, getting it off the ground and holding his breath as he flipped it over and checked for dirt or wet spots from the grass. It was too dark to see any, but he'd check again in the morning. He didn't care if he wouldn't see the Director again after tomorrow, the idea of being caught mishandling a case file he was entrusted with made it feel like the Director would bring him back to life just to punish him again. And Seonghwa would deserve it.

He felt fingers brush the top of his ear and looked up to see Wooyoung standing over him with a tiny handful of flowers. Wooyoung smiled at him, and Seonghwa reached up carefully, brushing his fingers over the soft wildflower Wooyoung had put behind his ear. He had half a mind to take it out before he could be seen and accused of lacking propriety. Of going against uniform. Wooyoung grabbed his wrist and lead it back down to his lap, leaving the rest of the flowers he'd gathered in Seonghwa's hands where they rested against his folded legs and the file.

"Sunwoo and I are going to go play more cards. Make the most of our big last night alive, you know?" Wooyoung said. Seonghwa could see Sunwoo had stopped pacing behind him and nodded vacantly along. Seonghwa wondered if this was something they discussed while Seonghwa was worrying over the grass stains or if Wooyoung had just decided that for them. He'd not be especially surprised by either one.

"Promise you'll try and sleep, Captain." Sunwoo said, once he seemed to find his voice again. He still sounded pissed. Seonghwa could only hope they both had the common sense not to complain too loudly to their roommates once they were back in the bunks.

"Seonghwa, if it's worth anything, I'll be proud to die your subordinate." Wooyoung said, tucking another flower behind Seonghwa's opposite ear. "You're the only reason I even made it through training."

Seonghwa watched as Wooyoung and Sunwoo gathered themselves and walked off, Wooyoung bumping Sunwoo's shoulder playfully and Sunwoo whispering something back to him that made Wooyoung stifle a laugh. The last thing Wooyoung said rang in Seonghwa's ears as he sat there alone in the courtyard.

Wooyoung had probably meant it to be comforting, but all Seonghwa could think was how awful it felt knowing Wooyoung was only dying now because of him. That if it weren't for Seonghwa's softness, Wooyoung wouldn't have even made it to being a real hunter.

Seonghwa would carry the guilt of the revelation to his grave. Luckily, he wouldn't have to carry it long.

He stood, letting the flowers fall from his lap with the case file pressed protectively against his chest. He took a moment to carefully move them all into the pond, letting them sink to the bottom so no one could find them in the morning. His hands found the flowers Wooyoung had left in his hair, pulling them out. In the darkness, he couldn't make out their colors. But in his head, he imagined them to be black and baby blue.

He dropped them in the pond with the rest.

—

Seonghwa lead the mission just like any other. Quiet and calm as they made their way towards the site, weapons always readied just in case. If there was one thing Seonghwa would not allow, it would be Wooyoung or Sunwoo having a meaningless death. Even if they died in seconds, they were going to fell at least one monster. Each, if they could. They were going to prove what a mistake it had been to toss them aside like this.

Seonghwa had explained as much in brief words as they walked, not turning his head. Wooyoung and Sunwoo said nothing in return, for once. Seonghwa let them be. So long as they followed his lead, he had nothing to be strict with them for, and as insistent as the Director could be to the contrary, they had not failed him yet.

"Captain." Sunwoo whispered, only a few minutes out from where the monsters' den was meant to be. Where they were, all Seonghwa could really see was dense greenery. The paths disappeared an hour ago, and they were moving now based only on Seonghwa's extensive knowledge of maps and the compass the Director graciously supplied them.

"Hwang." Seonghwa acknowledged, turning back over his shoulder to look at him. Sunwoo was scanning the area, eyes flitting about the treeline. Seonghwa's hand immediately went to the hilt of the small knife strapped to his thigh, undoing the button on the sheath in case he needed to get it out quickly. It was made specifically to kill shifters, being made of silver, but it would work well enough on anything that bled. Sunwoo turned back towards him, frowning.

"I don't think we're alone." Sunwoo told him, and Seonghwa nodded, looking at Wooyoung on his other side to make sure he'd gotten the message. Seonghwa's eyes started tracking any minute movement of the bushes, any evidence of someone or something hiding in the trees. With the amount of monsters that had comoflague, sometimes the smallest rustle of leaves would be the only way to see them coming. Seonghwa had done this enough times to immediately confirm that Sunwoo was right, they were not alone. In the bushes a few paces North-East of them, Seonghwa could see a figure crouching in the leaves. Seonghwa put a hand on Wooyoung's shoulder and squeezed it twice to convey he was giving a code.

"Keep moving. I'll hang back to make sure we're not being followed, but hopefully there's nothing there either." Seonghwa said, watching the words click into place in Wooyoung and Sunwoo's minds. Thankfully, Wooyoung didn't immediately look to the indicated spot as had been an issue with him when he was first starting out. Instead he saluted and nodded to Sunwoo, who started taking steps backwards, purposefully loud to make sure whatever was in the area thought they were moving. Seonghwa was just about to turn around and investigate further when a loud bang split through the woods.

On instinct he grabbed onto the hunter closest to him and dropped to the floor with them, getting low in the brush so any lined up shots would miss. Shots. How the fuck did monsters get their hands on guns?

Seonghwa felt someone wrap their hand around his arm tightly and looked over to see Wooyoung staring up at him with wide, panicked eyes. Seonghwa guessed he must have been the one he grabbed at the sound of the shot.

"Captain." Wooyoung breathed, staring at something behind Seonghwa.

Seonghwa followed his gaze silently and time seemed to inch slowly to a stop as he took in the sight of Sunwoo's body, limp on the ground, a perfectly round bullet hole in the side of his head.

Seonghwa's hand went to where the holster of his pistol would usually be before remembering that they weren't given guns for this mission. The agency probably didn't want to lose any truly expensive weaponry. He'd known that. It was reasonable. Somehow he'd still forgotten.

He cursed under his breath and grabbed Wooyoung by the shoulders, years of training slipping from his grasp like water through the gaps between his fingers. "Wooyoung. We're going to make a break for it. I don't know how the hell they got guns but we can't fight them like this."

"But…the case—" Wooyoung protested, and Seonghwa had to hold his tongue. A part of him wanted nothing more than to scream to hell with the case, I'm not letting you die. Another part, the more realistic part, told Seonghwa he knew this was coming. He knew they were all going to die, he knew he'd have to watch the boys be killed. He just hadn't expected it to happen so fast. He hadn't expected it to happen like this.

In another life, Seonghwa might have made the call he wanted to make. Told Wooyoung to run for it, and that the case wasn't worth their lives. That Wooyoung had more to live for than this.

As it was, Seonghwa was a better hunter than that.

He let go of Wooyoung's shoulder and slowly drifted his hand down to the hilt of his knife. It wasn't designed to be thrown, but Seonghwa would have to make it work. He took it away from his thigh and brought it up between himself and Wooyoung to obscure it from the monster. Wooyoung watched him carefully.

"Jung." Seonghwa whispered. "On my signal, get to higher ground. Don't get hit."

Wooyoung nodded like that was in any way a reasonable order, like Wooyoung was at all prepared enough to dodge bullets. None of them were trained to do that. Monsters weren't supposed to have access to guns, so training for the situation seemed pointless. Seonghwa's first regret was that he wouldn't be able to warn the other hunters at the agency that things had changed. They'd have to figure it out on their own, just as gruesomely as Sunwoo had.

His second regret was that he'd never be able to give Sunwoo a proper burial.

Just one monster, Seonghwa told himself. All he had to do was kill one, and it would be worth it.

Seonghwa popped up to a higher crouch, twisting around and using the momentum to launch the knife towards the hidden attacker. He heard Wooyoung start moving behind him and reached up to unsheath the sword on his back, drawing it and making a break for the bushes. He heard another gun shot, two, a thud, but he didn't turn around. He didn't stop running. He didn't stop to wonder why none of the bullets seemed to be flying close to him until he got near enough to the bushes and heard a familiar voice shout out to him.

"Captain, stand down."

Seonghwa froze, heart stopping halfway up his throat. He lowered his sword, letting it drop to the ground as the Director stepped forward, two other members of the agency behind him, both armed.

"Director." Seonghwa said, stepping back. "What is going on here?"

"Captain, I want you to know you have been given a very special gift." The Director said, settling a hand on Seonghwa's shoulder and smiling at him. Seonghwa didn't think he'd ever seen the Director smile like that. "This sort of opportunity doesn't come to hunters often, but you have proven yourself worthy of it."

"I don't understand." Seonghwa said, even as the pieces started clicking into place. Even as Seonghwa was able to connect the guns in the men's hands to the bullet hole in Sunwoo's head. Even as he realized he hadn't heard a sound from Wooyoung since that third gunshot. There were never any monsters in the bushes after all.

"What is it that I told you, Seonghwa? That you're destined for greatness, but always being held back? Well it appears, that burden has at last left you." The Director said. Seonghwa felt oddly sick. "You thought monsters had gotten their hands on guns, and instead of choosing selfishness, you charged forwards anyway. It takes a lot of courage to do something like that, Seonghwa, especially knowing the cost."

Seonghwa stared ahead numbly. "You killed them."

"They were defectors waiting to happen." The Director tsked, the smile finally falling off his face. "Monster sympathizers. Perhaps you've not been able to notice it, but I'd like you to recall the last time Sunwoo used lethal force against a monster without someone finishing it off for him. I'd like you to recall how every mission Wooyoung has ever been sent on, at least one monster got away."

Seonghwa couldn't believe his ears. He didn't want to believe Wooyoung or Sunwoo would actually do that, would actually betray the agency and humanity so greatly. But as he thought about it, the Director's declarations weren't unfounded. Sunwoo and Wooyoung had always been hesitant to kill monsters, but Seonghwa thought they were just too new to it. That they'd grow to understand the necessity eventually.

"Really, this has helped us kill two birds with one stone." The Director said. "We've gotten two troublemakers out of the way, and you have finally proven you're ready."

"Ready?" Seonghwa asked, but he could already feel the implication threading itself into his veins, wrapping around his nerves.

"Imagine what a force you'd be, the first hunter to come back from a den case alive. Having fought valiantly, having mortally wounded a number of high-profile captures. Should we never see them again, the glory will be all in your hands, and should we, everyone would feel emboldened even knowing someone managed to wound them at all." The Director explained, the hand on Seonghwa's shoulder slithering around his back. "Perhaps, after a display that grand, hunter wouldn't even be a suitable title anymore. Maybe you could finally become something more integral to the effort."

Seonghwa nearly felt dizzy at all the promises being made, all the flowery words. Most of it sounded meaningless to him, but integral. Wasn't that all Seonghwa had ever wanted? To make a difference? To protect humanity? But his mind wouldn't move from its reservations. His tongue felt leaden in his mouth. "It would be a lie."

"Perhaps, but a harmless one. Sometimes, lies need to be told to keep morale up." The Director told him. "We've been fighting this war for centuries, Seonghwa, and only in the last few years have we really begun to make a noticeable dent in monster population and attack frequency. Thanks in no small part to you."

Seonghwa's throat felt like it was closing up. He didn't believe any of this. That he had somehow managed to trick the Director into thinking he was better than he was. Seonghwa hadn't earned this. He'd never earn this. He was selfish and foolish and soft, either of the other two captains would've made better choices, so why him? Why him, when the director could see proof of his naivety in the hunters he had chosen to protect?

The worst part was, Seonghwa knew none of it had left him even now. He still felt guilty when he thought of Sunwoo and Wooyoung. He still almost wished he'd told Wooyoung to just run instead of adhering to protocol. And he couldn't think that any of these promises sounded truly pleasant when he knew he'd have to lie to so many of his former friends to get them. He still didn't want to be more than a hunter, he didn't want to be someone they were forced to respect instead of someone who earned it. He had always only wanted to watch out for them. The Director was right, that selfishness was his fatal flaw. And now, the one time he thought to prioritize the hunt over his men, he was being rewarded for it. It should have felt good, to know he'd finally done the right thing.

Seonghwa's hands were shaking.

"You know you were made for more than this, Seonghwa." The Director said, circling around him until Seonghwa could only hear his voice and feel the ghost of his arm against his back. "Well?"

Seonghwa stared at the ground. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see one of the other men shift, the barrel of his gun aimed between their feet. "Can I have some time to think?"

"Hm." The Director said. Seonghwa felt something brush his neck lightly. "We could give you time."

A roar ripped through the woods and Seonghwa jumped, on high alert instantly. He watched the guns rise just as fast, firing into the treeline in the direction of the noise. He turned to reach for where he'd dropped his sword on the ground only for the Director to lock an arm around his neck and stop him from moving. Seonghwa let out a strangled noise of confusion.

"You'll get hit if you charge in there now." The Director said, voice tight with rage. It was the closest to normalcy Seonghwa had experienced from him this whole interaction. He was muttering to himself furiously, but Seonghwa couldn't make heads or tails of any of what was being said. Another inhuman growl echoed, this time closer to them, and Seonghwa knew immediately it wasn't the same creature.

"Director, the bullets won't be enough." Seonghwa tried to warn him, still feeling uncomfortably close. The Director didn't respond for a moment, and Seonghwa heard the strange clinking of glass on glass near his ear. The bushes started rustling even more aggressively and all of Seonghwa's training screamed at him to do something, but he couldn't will himself to struggle in the Director's grip. "Sir—"

Seonghwa felt something cold sink into his neck like two freezing metal fangs and gasped, panic and pain licking up his spine as his knees went weak and vision tilted sideways. He sank, arms catching him under his armpits and keeping him from collapsing fully to the ground. He heard the Director's voice bounce off the walls of his skull. "Cover me!"

Seonghwa's vision closed in, smaller and smaller like a shuttering lens until he could make out barely a pinprick of sight. In the end, that disappeared too, and Seonghwa was left in the dark. His limbs felt numb and floaty, the inside of his mouth acrid, and soon the only thing he could sense at all was the sound of gunshots and the screeching of a monster.

—

Sensation returned to Seonghwa in disjointed pieces. For a while, all he could feel was that he was lying on something soft and warm, floating in an otherwise vacant abyss. He was vaguely aware of the changing of the day and night from how the redness behind his eyelids shifted, and he could feel a dryness in his throat that wouldn't go away, even though he also sometimes felt water and warm broth be coaxed down it by an unknown person. Someone taking care of him, maybe the nurse in the agency's infirmary. Seonghwa couldn't remember the last time he'd had to go in. If it was something he felt he could handle on his own, he often didn't bother.

He kept trying to open his eyes, but the darkness never changed. It was like someone had shut Seonghwa down but left in the tiny cogs turning his mind. Not that they seemed to turn especially quickly, given how Seonghwa often felt like he'd spend hours without a single real thought in his mind that he could hold for any significant time. It scared him, in the moments of consciousness he could cling to. Terror pushing against his floating soul for brief stints until even the ability to feel that slipped away from him.

And for four days, it remained like that. Seonghwa drifted along in the nothingness and was occasionally interrupted by waves of anxiety and grief or sudden touch erupting on his skin. Even in the moments where nothing reached him but the objective softness and warmth of the void there was no comfort. If this was death, it was a cruel scam.

On the fifth day, when Seonghwa tried to open his eyes he felt relief wash over him when something actually changed. He couldn't move his eyes even when they were open, so he made himself at peace with staring up at the ceiling. The first thing he noticed was that it was built of wooden planks, well-polished but still natural, and not at all like the stone ceiling he was used to in most of the agency building. He wondered when they would have found time to renovate the infirmary to be homier. He wondered even more why they'd bother.

Out of the corner of his eye he could make out the top of a window, looking out onto a forest Seonghwa didn't recognize, framed by flowy white curtains. It was only then that voices in his room started sounding comprehensible. Fuzzy, and like whoever was speaking was in the next room over, but enough to make Seonghwa's mind move slightly faster than the sluggish pace he'd been subjected to in order to parse out the words.

"He's doing it again."

"He can't see you, Hongjoong, relax."

"It's just creepy, isn't it?" The first voice tsked, but it lost its fire by the time it spoke again. "What a horrible thing to do to someone."

"He's out of their hands now." The other voice said. "So at least he's safe while he waits it out. That's all we can really do."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." The first voice said. Distantly, Seonghwa could hear a chair creak. "You help him today, I can't look at him right now."

"But didn't you say—?" The second voice started.

"I was being paranoid. He's not going to miraculously wake up." The first said, Seonghwa heard footsteps stride quickly across the room. They paused. "But if he does, you leave and you come get me immediately."

"Yeah, I know." The second said. It sounded like they were smiling. "You're doing the right thing, Hongjoong."

For a moment, the room was so quiet Seonghwa worried he'd lost his hearing again. The panic of it nearly made him miss the voice's return, lower than Seonghwa had heard it yet. "I hope you're right."

The door opened and closed softly, the creaking startling Seonghwa slightly. He couldn't remember the last time he'd heard a door in the agency creak. They were usually so well tended to.

Seonghwa saw a person sit down in his periphery, though he couldn't make out any distinguishing features. A hand reached out and brushed some hair out of his face gently, but it didn't linger long enough for Seonghwa to miss the touch when it left. The second voice spoke up again, closer now. "I hope so too."

Seonghwa tried desperately to hang on to the moment. The faint sound of the person breathing above him, the tiny movements in the corner of his vision. He wanted to stay in it forever. To savor the feeling of knowing he was real, and someone else was there. He wanted to scream. To tell them he was awake, that he wanted to see them, that something was horribly wrong and he didn't know how to make it end.

His eyelids fluttered closed against his will.

—

Nothing else changed for five more days.

Seonghwa found short reprieves in sleep and what he could make out of the actions and words of the people who'd come into his room. Nurses, he guessed, though he didn't remember any of them from the agency and there seemed to be a strange amount of them. Maybe he was less attentive than he thought. Maybe something was so wrong with him they had to call in outside help. Usually he was sure he'd hate the idea of any extra resources being spent on him, knowing he'd have to make up all the waste to the agency in the end. Somehow, he couldn't find it in himself to be scared. He just didn't want to be alone when he was able to find consciousness, and it seemed they always had at least one person with him.

More often than not it was the same one, that first voice Seonghwa heard when he got his hearing back. Hongjoong, his name was. Seonghwa had heard the other nurses refer to him that way, when they came to visit. Most of the time, though, it was just him and Seonghwa alone. Hongjoong would keep him hydrated and fed as much as possible with the way Seonghwa couldn't chew or get anything down without help, would move his limbs around every once in a while so they didn't get stiff, and on one occasion braided Seonghwa's hair to keep it out of his face. He did it all quietly, only ever speaking when another nurse was in the room. And despite the gentle way with which he went about it, Seonghwa could hear in every conversation Hongjoong had with the others that caring for Seonghwa was not exactly something Hongjoong wanted to do. Always making comments about being owed for this, being forced to do it and hating the waste of resources. For some reason, Hongjoong insisted on being Seonghwa's primary caretaker anyway.

Even when the other six nurses, who Seonghwa was slowly learning the names of, came in and offered to take over Hongjoong would decline with some vague talk about this being the safest way. Seonghwa didn't really understand it, but there were a lot of things he didn't understand about Hongjoong and the situation at large. He still hadn't even seen him. He learned pretty quickly that it freaked Hongjoong out whenever his eyes were open so he always waited until Seonghwa closed them again to actually get close. Seonghwa didn't mind it that much, it wasn't like the view ever changed when his eyes were open since he still couldn't move them. Though, it did leave him more and more curious with time. There were very few things he'd been able to learn about Hongjoong given how relatively little he spoke, but all the things he did learn made him feel like the two of them might get along well. Hongjoong was apparently smart and driven, unnerved by Seonghwa's state as much as he was sympathetic to it, and every time someone came into the room Seonghwa could hear a familiar lilt in his voice. An underlying care to all his level statements. Seonghwa recognized it immediately as the way he talked to the younger hunters he was assigned. He wondered if Hongjoong was the head nurse of them. He did seem the most qualified.

By the time the tenth day of Seonghwa's imprisonment in his own mind began fading into the eleventh, he wanted almost desperately to know more about the nurse. His mind had latched onto him as a lighthouse through the storm of Seonghwa's paralysis, and he knew he'd rather die than never get a chance to at least glimpse the man and thank him.

So when Seonghwa woke up that night and let his eyes drift to to the window before he could register what that meant, he already had Hongjoong on his mind, even if the thought was hazy. The curtains were drawn, but a small sliver of the view outside revealed itself to him and Seonghwa watched the stillness of the forest with a sense of peace he didn't think he'd felt in a long time. He felt his hands twitch where they rested against the thick fur blanket he was under and he spread his fingers against it, finally realizing he could move. He could move.

He knew from trying and failing a few times to pull himself up from lying down that he wasn't fully back to himself yet, but the fact he could move at all was enough to embolden him into making so many attempts. Finally he was able to sit up, folding his knees towards his chest and looking at the wall opposite him. There was a desk there, a candlelit lantern still flickering, someone having forgotten to blow it out. It illuminated a small stack of books and paper and a drinking glass halfway full of water with a single marigold in it. Seonghwa frowned. He didn't recognize this room, and he didn't think the infirmary would have a desk like that in view of one of the cots.

A sound pulled him from his thoughts and he stilled, listening to what he recognized to be a person breathing. Hongjoong, his brain supplied. Seonghwa turned, restless to finally see him.

But instead of the tired man in scrubs Seonghwa pictured, there was a monster in the chair beside the bed. He felt his heart stop. He recognized it. He'd been obsessively looking at its face in a file not too long ago. The One-Eyed Shifter, asleep at Seonghwa's bedside.

Seonghwa didn't know what it could possibly be doing here, why it hadn't attacked him yet. But it must have attacked Hongjoong to get in and replace him. Maybe even killed him and shifted to look like him to get access. Seonghwa guessed the illusion didn't hold when the Shifter slept, because Seonghwa knew from experience that this was the Shifter's most common form. Half-monstrous, half-human. It looked normal enough at first glance, which was what made it such a dangerous creature to be around. If someone didn't know to look for the subtle texturing of scales on some parts of the monster's skin or didn't think too hard about the signature scar slicing through its right eye and cheek, they could easily be fooled into believing it was a person. Such a thing had happened a number of times, enough that a year ago the agency had published a series of artistic renderings of what the shifter could look like in its various forms. The clearest feature of course being the missing eye and scar, which no matter what, the Shifter couldn't shift away. After all, any shifter was only as good as its eyes and the eyes of its beholders.

The hunter who'd died to leave that mark on the One-Eyed Shifter and give it its nickname was a hero and a genius in every sense of the word. Because of him, everyone had an easy way to look out for the monster. And Seonghwa had a way to recognize the creature now sitting vigil beside him, no doubt waiting for a chance to strike. Seonghwa was lucky he woke when he did.

Seonghwa started searching the room for the nearest thing he could use as a weapon. His real weapons had probably been put back in the armory, and there was no chance he could make it all the way there without alerting the One-Eyed Shifter to his consciousness, especially with how weak his body still felt. He'd have to make do with something in reach, then. His first instinct was to find something silver, but he couldn't find any in the room, everything metal seemingly made of brass or gold instead. Inconvenient, but while silver was the only surefire way to kill a shifter, physical damage would work well to at least slow it down until Seonghwa could either escape or alert someone who could get silver and kill the intruder.

Seonghwa's first thought was the lantern, but shifters were resistant to fire and Seonghwa knew he wouldn't be able to effectively use it for a weapon after shattering it. The glass holding the marigold, on the other hand, Seonghwa could do something with.

Seonghwa braced his hand against the windowsill, willing it not to shake as he used it to drag himself to the end of the bed. From there he quietly lifted the blanket and slipped out from under it, holding his breath as his first foot touched the cold wooden floor. He had to lean heavily against the wall, aches and pains shooting up his legs as he tried to stand on them. He sank to the ground after the first attempted step, realizing quickly how risky it was to walk around on such unstable legs when even the slightest misstep could lead to him falling and waking up the Shifter in seconds. He dropped to his hands and knees instead, slowly crawling along the ground and taking brief breaks to fold in on himself and give his aching limbs the rest they were begging for. He considered himself extremely lucky the Shifter was sleeping so heavily as he inched his way across the short distance between the end of the bed and the desk.

By the time he reached it his arms were shaking from the strain but he forced them steady and planted them on the edge of the desk, using them as leverage to pull himself to a crouch just high enough to reach the items on the desk. He stretched his arm across the desk and winced when the glass clinked lightly against it as he lifted it. He managed to get it over to him without any other noise and slowly removed the marigold from the glass, setting it gently on one of the hardcover books, hoping the water clinging to the stem wouldn't damage it somehow. A part of him still held out on the idea that Hongjoong had lived through the attack, and he'd hate for him to have to come back to ruined books.

He held the glass close to his chest and moved to back away before another thought occured to him and he gently pulled open the drawer of the desk, relieved to find what he'd been looking for in the form of fountain pens. He grabbed a couple of them and slipped them into the pocket of the soft pajama pants he'd been changed into before moving away from the desk and dropping into a crawl again. He kept one hand off the ground this time to hold the glass, which only served to put more strain on his opposite arm, but it didn't matter. If he had to spend more time recovering because of this, so be it. He couldn't fail to kill the One-Eyed Shifter a third time, especially when given such a perfect opportunity.

Seonghwa crawled over to the bed and lifted himself onto it as carefully as he could, inching across it until he was sitting right in front of the Shifter. He took a deep breath and steadied himself, raising the glass in both hands.

In one strong strike he brought it down on the Shifter's head. It shattered, and Seonghwa turned the sharp edge forward and stabbed it into the Shifter's stomach before it had time to react to the initial hit. The One-Eyed Shifter cried out in shock and hopefully pain and Seonghwa used the opportunity of surprise to launch himself at it, tackling it out of the chair and bringing it to the ground with him. He pinned one of its arms under one knee and used the other to press down on the glass embedded in the Shifter's stomach, using his now free hand to fish out one of the fountain pens. Predictably, the Shifter attempted to claw at him, and he used the chance to drive the fountain pen through its palm. The Shifter let out a wail and Seonghwa shifted the knee on its stomach to the wrist of its now impaled hand, grabbing the other fountain pen and forcing it through the other one. It was as the Shifter screeched that Seonghwa realized he'd never heard it audibly react to pain before, and pride welled up in his gut as he grabbed either side of its face and slammed its head against the floor as hard as he could manage. He could feel the Shifter struggling beneath him, attempting to buck him off but too off-kilter to succeed at anything.

Seongwa brought its face up to look at him, watching its eye flicker around his face in pain and surprise. "What did you do to him?"

The monster made a strangled noise, almost confused sounding. Seonghwa took a hand away to grab one of the fountain pens and push it in further, the Shifter letting out a weaker but no less haunting cry.

"The nurse that you were impersonating." Seonghwa clarified, twisting the pen. This time, the monster just stared up at him with glassy eyes. "His name is Hongjoong. What did you do to him?"

The monster let out a shaking breath, revealing its sharpened teeth. Seonghwa tightened his grip on the pen in warning. The monster didn't react, tilting its head up in defiance. Before Seonghwa got a chance to pry further, the door to the room burst open.

The relief Seonghwa felt at knowing help had finally arrived disappeared when he actually looked up to see who was at the door. The first creature that came in was covered in feathers and had a giant pair of brown wings with tiny white diamonds across them, followed closely by one with black scales shielding parts of its body and piercing red eyes. More monsters. He recognized them both from the case file. Backup. Seonghwa was going to die.

In the second it took the monsters to rush towards him, he knew he only had a chance to do anything even slightly helpful for his fellow hunters. So he tangled his hand in the hair of the One-Eyed Shifter and used it to bash the monster's head against the ground three times before the serpentine monster reached him and pulled him off of the Shifter. It pinned him up against the wall and only a few seconds later Seonghwa heard someone singing, the noise immediately distracting him from everything else. Logically, he knew it was the harpy luring him, but he couldn't get his mind off of simply listening to the beautiful music. Seonghwa fell asleep wishing he could listen to it forever.

—

The next time Seonghwa woke, he was immediately met by the lingering panic he'd been holding onto before the harpy started singing. He tried to move but found he couldn't lift his arms more than an inch before something tugged at them. The same thing happened when he tried to move his legs, and he realized with mounting horror that he'd been strapped down to the bed. He flipped his head sideways, nausea burning in him when his eyes caught on the Shifter and another monster, a werewolf Seonghwa knew as part of the One-Eyed Shifter's den, speaking to each other in hushed voices. The Shifter was sitting down, and Seonghwa's eyes quickly found the thick bandages wrapped around both of its hands. A sense of defiance burned in him. Because no matter how it ended up, Seonghwa had done something to hurt the One-Eyed Shifter, and that alone made him feel much less frightened about his odds, even as they grew bleaker the more monsters he saw.

He pulled at his restraints again, succeeding in getting the monsters' attention. They both went silent, the Shifter staring back at him with cold hatred in its eyes. Beneath it, though, Seonghwa swore he could see a little bit of fear. It was enough to embolden him.

"You can't keep me like this forever." Seonghwa warned. His voice came out scratchy from the days of disuse. The werewolf took a step closer and Seonghwa sneered.

"We don't plan on it." The werewolf said. "But so long as you can't be trusted to not pull another stunt like that, you're going to have to put up with the restraints."

"Stunt?" Seonghwa asked, the wording almost confusing him more than the calmness in the werewolf's voice.

"We were trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, not restraining you in the first place, you know." The werewolf continued, coming to crouch at the bedside. Seonghwa recoiled from it, but the werewolf seemed unphased. "We thought maybe you'd hear us out first."

Seonghwa couldn't understand what the werewolf was saying, his eyes flickering back to the One-Eyed Shifter as it sat silent and stoic. Like it wasn't a part of this. Seonghwa felt rage flicker in him as he thought of how they could have gotten in here. Of all the nurses they must've slaughtered to get to him. "You'll pay for what you did to them."

"What do you think we did?" The werewolf asked and Seonghwa grit his teeth, still watching every minute movement of the Shifter.

"They were innocents. Good people." Seonghwa hissed out, eyes boring into the Shifter to make sure if there was any humanity in it at all, it felt all the guilt of what it had done. "He was just doing his job."

"Hongjoong." The Shifter said, and Seonghwa bristled. Somewhere in the back of his mind the voice lit up recognition, but his rage was too blinding to notice it. "That's the nurse who was helping you, hm? Did you hear people say his name?"

Seonghwa bit down on the inside of his cheek until he tasted metal. "I don't have to answer you."

"Do you know why you're here, hunter?" The One-Eyed Shifter spat, rising from the chair and stalking towards the bed. The werewolf seemed caught between stopping it and stepping out of the way. "Do you even know where you are?"

Seonghwa opened his mouth to bite out another retort, but he found his mind stutter over the question. He thought he was somewhere in the agency, but nothing about that assumption really lined up with any of what he'd seen or heard. It was the only logical explanation, the agency was the only place he ever was when he wasn't hunting, but something felt off. He decided to stay silent instead. The monster snarled.

"You seem really attached to the idea of this Hongjoong, considering you have no idea who he really is." The Shifter said, looming over Seonghwa now. "What he really is."

Seonghwa frowned. "I don't know what game you're playing—"

"That's fine." The Shifter said, stepping back again. "But I hope when you work it out, the guilt eats you alive."

The Shifter turned abruptly on its heel and stormed out of the room, disappearing into the hallway. Seonghwa didn't know what to make of what it had said aside from it all being a ploy to get Seonghwa in his own head. To doubt himself. If that was its goal, Seonghwa would never fall for it.

The werewolf cleared its throat, and Seonghwa resolutely didn't look up at it. It sighed. "Okay, be difficult all you want. We have time. Someone asked me to check in with you, though, so if you could give me some answers that'd be nice."

Seonghwa rolled his head back so he was staring up at the ceiling. He could still see the werewolf out of the corner of his eye. Something about the sight was strangely familiar.

"Do you prefer I call you Captain?" The werewolf asked, and Seonghwa tensed. Half out of instinct and half because he wanted to know how the hell the werewolf knew to say that. Did all monsters have insight into their ranks like that? The werewolf hissed almost sympathetically. "Okay. Not that. Is there a name you do feel comfortable with me calling you?"

That actually made Seonghwa look at the werewolf, because unlike everything else so far, there was no way Seonghwa's brain could twist that into a taunt. It sounded shockingly genuine. Like the werewolf really wanted to know. "What?"

"Is there a name I can call you?" The werewolf asked again.

"Why would you want to know?" Seonghwa couldn't help himself from asking.

The werewolf cracked a tiny smile. "Because, believe it or not, I'm actually trying to help you."

"By keeping me captive." Seonghwa accused and the werewolf sighed again. Like Seonghwa was exhausting him somehow.

"Again, we didn't want to use the restraints. Actually, I was very against it." The werewolf said, and Seonghwa was once again surprised by how honest it sounded. "But then you tried to kill my best friend, and it seemed kind of necessary."

"You have poor taste in friends." Seonghwa insulted. The werewolf frowned at him.

"I know you hunters have a lot to say about our kind." The werewolf said. "But most of it is wrong."

Seonghwa huffed in disbelief.

"Alright." The werewolf said, not sounding unsettled by Seonghwa at all. Instead he smiled again. Friendly-looking, in spite of how Seonghwa could see his enlarged canines peeking out. "My name is Yunho."

Seonghwa paused. Yunho. Why did he feel like he'd heard that name before? And more importantly… "Why did you tell me that?"

"Because I have a feeling you didn't really think I had a name." Yunho said. "And I do. It's Yunho."

Seonghwa was quiet for a while. The truth was, he really hadn't thought about it. Logically, he guessed it made sense that werewolves and maybe even other monsters would have names, maybe even ones pronouncable on a human tongue. Seonghwa had never given much thought to it, though. Monsters were just monsters, even if they did have names, how could those names matter when they weren't human anyway? When they'd never really be people? From the way everyone Seonghwa had ever known talked about monsters, they felt more like animals, unnamed until a human chose to give them one. He hadn't considered how they'd refer to each other, even knowing some of them spoke. Even having heard one call out for another, once.

"And he really is my best friend, you know. I'm not just using a human term to make you understand." Yunho told him. "I have a few best friends, actually. I've known one of them since I was young, and he shares a room with me here. He carved the bedframe you're laying on. You'd probably call him a fire-starter or a phoenix or whatever you call people like him nowadays, but he prefers Mingi."

Seonghwa felt like his head was spinning, but somehow, the way Yunho spoke made him want to know more. Monsters weren't human, but they seemed to share a lot more than Seonghwa thought possible. "Do you all have names? Your whole den?"

"Den? Is that what you call it?" Yunho asked, seeming fascinated. "Yes, everyone has a name. Some of them have two because they have one in their own language and one in common."

Seonghwa frowned before something started to click into place for him. Yunho and Mingi. Hongjoong had said those names before, when Seonghwa was paralyzed. Any curiosity towards "Yunho" dried up in seconds and he narrowed his eyes at him. "You're despicable."

"Sorry?" The monster asked, smile disappearing from its face.

"I was awake, you know. I heard the nurses." Seonghwa said, expecting the monster to look surprised by the information. It just kept on looking confused. "Stealing one of their names won't work."

"Ah." The monster said, brow creasing. "Do you know where you are?"

Seonghwa was silent. He didn't understand why they kept asking him that.

The werewolf sighed, moving up to the head of the bed so he was more in Seonghwa's line of sight. "Can I ask what you remember before you woke up here?"

Seonghwa froze. He'd been trying not to remember. He'd been trying so, so hard to think of anything else. He was still grappling with what had happened to Sunwoo and Wooyoung, and reeling over the offer the Director had given him. When he closed his eyes he could still hear gunshots. Could still see Sunwoo's body lying on the forest floor.

When the first tear rolled down his face, he tried to reach up and wipe it off, but with his wrists strapped down the best he could do was turn his head away from the monster and pretend it gave him any dignity. He wanted nothing more than for the tears to stop, for him to be able to push down the grief burning at his lungs like he had the countless other times he'd watched hunters die in front of him. Most of them had had far more violent ends than Sunwoo and Wooyoung, but for some reason he'd never felt so sick to his stomach thinking about them before.

He knew they weren't who he thought they were. Monster sympathizers, the Director had called them. He was right, Seonghwa knew it, and still the knowledge couldn't bring him to hate them. When he thought of them all he could picture were their smiles, the outrage they had on his behalf whenever he was punished, the hope still flickering in their eyes. He didn't care that they were traitors. The thought made him disgusted with himself, but it couldn't compare to the black hole he felt in his chest knowing he'd lead them to their deaths. It wasn't fair that he was the only one who'd been spared. They deserved to live. Traitors or not, they deserved a chance at life and redemption. Maybe Seonghwa could have changed their minds. He didn't want to believe they were really lost-causes.

He was sobbing now, grief tearing up his throat. He felt someone gently grab at each of his wrists and the pressure lift off of them only a minute later. He lurched upwards, folding over and pressing one of his now-freed palms against his mouth to stifle the sobs ripping out of him. He didn't think he'd ever cried like this before. Maybe it was an after-effect of the state of paralysis he'd been in. Maybe he was still weak from it.

He felt the bed dip and flinched, curling in on himself further. His ankles were still bound so he couldn't bring his legs to his chest and fold up completely, but he tried as hard as he could to make himself small. He was only vaguely aware of the fact that he was having this breakdown in front of a monster, giving it the perfect opening to hurt him when he was weak and fragile, but for some reason he didn't think the werewolf would take advantage of that. Maybe it was stupid, to believe in any kind of mercy from a monster, but Seonghwa had always been a little naive.

A hand gently came up to brush his hair behind his ear and he whimpered, the hand trailing down to cup the back of his neck. A quiet voice made itself known at his side. "Seonghwa?"

Seonghwa's first thought was that his mind had finally snapped from the mental and physical toll of the last week and a half. That he was hallucinating. Even still, he pried his eyes open and looked up towards the source of Wooyoung's voice. He let out a strangled sob at the sight of the ghost sitting on the bed with him. Wooyoung looked different than he remembered, a little more well-rested in death, and with shorter hair, in comfortable clothes. He looked entirely normal. Seonghwa nearly screamed in agony at the thought that flashed across his mind, that Wooyoung would never actually get to look this safe and cozy. That he had died scared and alone while Seonghwa prioritized killing a monster that wasn't even there.

Arms wrapped around Seonghwa, pulling him against the ghost's chest and Seonghwa could swear it almost felt real. He clung to ghost-Wooyoung, twisting his hands in the loose shirt he was wearing. Seonghwa's voice came out choked up. "I'm so—sorry."

Ghost-Wooyoung shushed him, rubbing small circles into his back. "It's okay."

Seonghwa sobbed harder, because that wasn't true. He couldn't breathe. "I killed you."

"You didn't kill me." Ghost-Wooyoung said, and he sounded so sure. So strong. "Look at me, Seonghwa. I'm alive. You didn't kill me."

Seonghwa shook his head. "I heard you get shot. I heard you fall."

"It didn't hit anything vital." He said, pulling away from Seonghwa to look him in the eyes. Carefully Wooyoung pulled down the collar of the shirt he was wearing, revealing bandages sprawling over his shoulder. "I stayed down and they never came to check."

Seonghwa reached out to run a hand lightly against the bandages, recoiling when he actually felt them and Wooyoung didn't disappear like an illusion. He stared at him. "You're real?"

"I'm real." Wooyoung said, brushing his fingers through Seonghwa's hair again. He looked mildly unnerved, probably because he'd never seen Seonghwa break down like this before, but he was clearly trying to keep his face calm. "I'm alive, Seonghwa."

Seonghwa still didn't believe it. It was a miracle, and Seonghwa usually didn't put any stake in miracles. Still, for some reason, he asked. "Sunwoo…?"

Wooyoung's face crumpled and Seonghwa felt the last few shreds of his composure disappear like tissue paper in the rain. He wailed, Wooyoung's face showing a flicker of panic before Seonghwa was collected against his chest again, comforting words whispered into his ear.

Once Seonghwa was no longer loudly sobbing and instead just breathing a little heavily and crying, Wooyoung pulled away again. Seonghwa could see how hard he was trying to hold it together, and that alone made him feel guilty. Seonghwa was supposed to be the one who had it all under control. He didn't know why he was handling this so poorly. "We buried him out in the garden, if you ever want to visit."

Seonghwa didn't respond, not trusting himself not to start sobbing all over again at making any kind of commitment to actually go see Sunwoo's grave. Though he did turn the idea over in his head.

That was what finally made it all click. Because the agency didn't go back for hunters' bodies unless they were extremely well-regarded, and they certainly didn't bury them on agency property even then. A suspected monster sympathizer killed on a den case would never get that kind of treatment. And more, if they were at the agency, how was Wooyoung still alive? Seonghwa didn't believe the Director would even give him a chance to explain himself, let alone allow him back after trying to kill him.

"Wooyoung." Seonghwa said quietly. "Where are we?"

Wooyoung's eyes darted back towards the door to the room. It was only then that Seonghwa realized that at some point between him starting to cry and now, the werewolf had let them alone. Wooyoung let out a breath. "A friend's."

Seonghwa watched his face carefully, brows drawing together when he realized Wooyoung wasn't telling him the full truth. Seonghwa glanced out the window. "I should go back."

"No." Wooyoung snapped, and Seonghwa couldn't help but tense at the aggression. "No. You are not going back there."

Seonghwa hesitated before trying to pull together some semblance of the authoritative voice he used as Captain. "What they did to Sunwoo and you…I don't know I can forgive it, even if I know why they did it. But even so I have a duty. The Director—"

"The Director poisoned you." Wooyoung nearly yelled, grabbing onto Seonghwa's shoulders. "You owe that bastard nothing."

Seonghwa felt like something in his head shifted out of place. "He…?"

"Poisoned you. He's the reason you were like that!" Wooyoung said. "He used some sort of syringe with two heads to make it look like a serpentine bite. We think he was going to trick you into thinking you were attacked. Or…"

Wooyoung looked pale. "San said it was a form of torture, to poison people with serpentine venom and only give them the antidote when they did what the poisoner wanted them to."

"Serpentine venom." Seonghwa repeated numbly.

"He also said that pure serpentine venom would have killed you, so they must have altered it somehow, but the effects were similar." Wooyoung said, before grimacing stormily and correcting himself. "They were worse. The Director wanted you to suffer, Seonghwa."

"That…" doesn't make sense, Seonghwa stopped himself from saying. Because if he was being honest with himself, it did. Of course the Director wouldn't actually want to ascend him so easily. Of course it was just another means of punishing him, probably for not wholeheartedly agreeing in the first place. If Seonghwa were just more grateful he wouldn't have had to struggle through another punishment, but even after everything that had been done he hadn't learned his lesson. "That's reasonable."

Wooyoung went silent for a moment, and Seonghwa watched him open his mouth twice before actually finding the words. "Reasonable?"

"He gave me an offer and I refused him." Seonghwa said easily. "I shouldn't have done that. Discipline was warranted."

Wooyoung stared at him for a few more seconds and Seonghwa was horrified when tears suddenly sprung to his eyes and he pulled Seonghwa into another hug. "What have they been doing to you?"

Seonghwa didn't understand that question, but he figured asking was only going to make Wooyoung more emotional, so Seonghwa shushed him gently and wrapped his arms around him. Even if he didn't know why Wooyoung was upset, he could at least hold him through it. He frowned when his eyes drifted to the desk again. Wooyoung had said that they were at the home of a friend of his, but then, whose room was this? That friend's? And why were there so many monsters here? Had they been invaded? Why would Wooyoung not have done something?

"Wooyoung." Seonghwa asked, making Wooyoung pull away as he realized something. Wooyoung looked caught off-guard by the sudden gravity in his tone. "The monsters, are they threatening you and your friend into letting them stay here?"

"What?" Wooyoung asked, like he was genuinely confused. "Oh, no! No, Seonghwa, they're—ah—"

"They're what, Wooyoung?" Seonghwa pressed, eyes darting around the room for any indication they could be being listened to. He dropped his voice to a whisper. "Are we being held captive here?"

"Seonghwa, I can explain, but you need to promise me you aren't going to freak out." Wooyoung asked, putting his hands on Seonghwa's shoulders again to placate him. Seonghwa nodded, still searching the room with his eyes. Wooyoung snapped his fingers in front of his face to get his attention and took a deep breath. "We aren't being held captive, or threatened. The friend whose home this is…is a monster."

Seonghwa pushed Wooyoung's hands away, mind reeling as he searched Wooyoung's face. Wooyoung grimaced in hurt. The word friend bounced around Seonghwa's head painfully. No hunter in their right mind would ever refer to a monster like that. "The Director was right."

Wooyoung stilled. "Seonghwa—"

"You're a monster sympathizer." Seonghwa accused, trying and failing to get further away, stopped by the restraints around his ankles. Panic lit up under his skin. He was in a house full of monsters, with a monster sympathizer sitting in front of him, bound to a bed.

"I—well, they're sympathetic!" Wooyoung tried to defend himself. "Seonghwa, please, they're not what you think they are!"

"How can you say that, knowing the pain they've caused humanity? The pain they've caused you and I? Wooyoung, you told me a monster killed your mother, how could you even think to align yourself with them with such a thing on your conscious?" Seonghwa asked, disgusted as he watched Wooyoung sit so casually in a monster's home. "Or was even that a lie?"

"It wasn't!" Wooyoung said hotly. "But they aren't all violent. A human tried to kill me, did kill Sunwoo, does that mean all humans are bloodthirsty, unthinking beasts?"

"He was justified." Seonghwa said, only regretting it slightly when Wooyoung's eyes went so wide with hurt it seemed like they might pop out of his skull. "He was trying to save others from you before you could betray us all."

"Save people from me?" Wooyoung shouted, getting off of the bed and taking a step back. "They—wow, they really brainwashed you, huh?"

"Monsters are dangerous, Wooyoung." Seonghwa said. "They take pleasure in ruining lives. Imagine how many humans your friend has drank the blood of. Imagine all the mothers of other children it has killed."

"He never killed anyone." Wooyoung snapped. "He saved my life, he saved your life. The only reason you're not still trapped at the agency being tortured is because he went in for you, because he thought, just like I did, that you were better than blindly believing what you've been told. That you wouldn't try to murder someone as soon as you woke up just because you think they're evil."

Seonghwa felt aghast. "Think? Wooyoung, do you know how many lives the One-Eyed Shifter has claimed? Killing it would do all of humanity a service, I would be a failure of a hunter to have not taken the chance."

"That isn't his name." Wooyoung said sharply. "And he's really not as bad as you think he is."

Seonghwa gave Wooyoung a once-over, having trouble believing this was the young man he'd gotten so attached to. "I can't believe I once thought of you as a good hunter."

Wooyoung's face was red with anger, and he took another few paces away from the bed. "I can't believe I once thought of you as any better than the other people at the agency. You were so kind to me, I don't understand why you won't even try and believe there's good in them."

"My kindness does not extend to creatures who want to destroy humanity." Seonghwa said definitively. "I would die to keep humanity safe, any monster is a threat to that."

"The monsters in this house are the only reason you're alive and safe right now." Wooyoung tried again, Seonghwa couldn't believe his ears.

"Safe?" He asked. "The One-Eyed Shifter was leering over me while I slept and you think I feel safe?"

"Well, yeah, I do, considering he's the one who was keeping you alive!" Wooyoung said. The words felt like a smack to the face. He only kept going. "You think you know everything because you've been told one story your whole life, but you refuse to look at any facts that show you're wrong. Would unfeeling monsters save you from someone who poisoned you and keep you warm and fed while you recovered from it, even though you've done nothing but hunt them? Do you really believe a monster as cruel as you think Hongjoong is wouldn't just take the opportunity to let you die?"

"Hongjoong." Seonghwa said, feeling like he'd been kicked in the gut. Wooyoung narrowed his eyes for a moment before realization seemed to wash over him. He said something else, maybe trying to get Seonghwa's attention again or throw some other "proof" in his face, but Seonghwa didn't hear it. Nothing registered to him now. Not after learning that apparently Hongjoong, his savior, his nurse, the man who Seonghwa had thought had so much in common with him, who he had wanted to see and meet and thank, was the One-Eyed Shifter the whole time. That at any time over the last ten days, the One-Eyed Shifter could have killed him. He'd been a perfect sitting duck, it would have been as easy as slitting his throat.

But the Shifter didn't do it.

Seonghwa didn't know how to feel about that. Maybe there was some obligation to the member of its den who was supposedly Wooyoung's friend, but why would the Shifter even care about an obligation like that? Seonghwa wanted nothing more than it dead, the Shifter must have known that. It would have been to the Shifter's benefit to take him out. It was given the chance on a silver platter. When Seonghwa had seen the One-Eyed Shifter asleep before him, his first thought was to kill it then and there, or to make it suffer until someone else could finish the job.

The One-Eyed Shifter had been alone with Seonghwa for ten days, maybe more, and it hadn't so much as scratched him. Seonghwa had always been lead to believe everyone within a few miles of the Shifter was in the gravest danger imaginable. Why wasn't that true? Why did everything Seonghwa had ever been taught to believe about monsters suddenly feel shaky? Just because one showed him the tiniest sliver of mercy?

Seonghwa thought back on his days spent paralyzed. About Yunho and Mingi and the other people who had come in and out of his room. They were all monsters, too, then. And none of them had hurt him. None of them had even referenced wanting to, as far as he knew. In fact, they kept offering to help him. The first thing Yunho had done when he had Seonghwa alone in a room was ask what he wanted to be called, even though he must've already known through Wooyoung what his name was. He gave him the choice, anyway. To decide how he was referred to.

Seonghwa had spent the last twenty-eight years of his life believing monsters didn't have names at all. Believing the closest they'd ever get were the things people whispered about them, that hunters called to incite them to fight, that Seonghwa overheard the agency's interrogation specialists mock them with. That were listed in their case files. Seonghwa had memorized these ones.

The Oilbird Harpy. The Phoenix. The Red-Eyed Serpentine. The Scarred False Angel. The Lone Werewolf of the East Woods. The One-Eyed Shifter.

Whose name, it seemed, was Hongjoong.

By the time Seonghwa looked back up from where he was staring dead-eyed at the floor, it was to the sight of the door closing behind Wooyoung. He must've grown tired of trying to get Seonghwa to stop ignoring him.

Seonghwa looked around the room again. He didn't know whose it was, but it was hard trying to match it to even one of the monsters he knew were in this house. He didn't think any of them would sleep in beds, or read books, or put single marigolds in half-full cups of water on their nicely carved wooden desks.

It was gone now, the marigold. Seonghwa wondered if he'd killed it when he'd taken it out of the glass to attack the Shifter. If maybe no one noticed that was what was used until it was too late, and the marigold had shriveled up on top of one of the books. He wondered if the room's owner was upset about it. Seonghwa thought of the one time they'd cut back the lilies growing in the pond of the agency's courtyard, of how devastated he was when he went out that night to find the overflowing pond had been reduced to one single lily, floating in the center. They grew back, but slowly, and Seonghwa checked in constantly for fear of them being ripped up again. Not that he would've been able to do anything about it, of course. But he still checked. Those lilies were the one thing in the agency that brought him any semblance of the peace that he'd had when he still lived with his mother before his father was killed on a hunt and his mother died of grief only a week later. They used to pick flowers together.

If this wasn't just a guest room, did the monster who this room belonged to feel the same distraught that Seonghwa had when they saw their marigold wilting? Were they capable of it?

Seonghwa laid down again, turning his face towards the window and watching as the sky turned pink in a sunset beyond the treeline.

He hoped the room wasn't Hongjoong's like he'd thought it was. That it was just a guest room or a study or a makeshift infirmary for other monsters who got injured and needed to be taken in. He couldn't think otherwise, or else he'd only prove the Shifter right.

The guilt would eat him alive.

—

Seonghwa woke up before the sun was in the sky and sat there watching the forest beyond his window for a few hours before anything happened. He watched as small critters ran up and down the trees and wove between them. Just before the door to his room opened he watched a small bunny hop into the clearing the house was in and sniff around, looking towards the window. It was silly, but for a moment, it felt like it was looking at him through the glass.

It hopped away as Seonghwa turned at the sound of the door creaking.

"Good morning." Wooyoung said, standing in the doorway with a determined set to his brow. Seonghwa couldn't help but think of the screaming match they'd had the other day. It took guts for Wooyoung to want to come back in at all. But then, he always had been stubborn. "Can we come in? Yeosang wants to meet you."

"Yeosang is one of the monsters." Seonghwa said, not a question. Wooyoung grimaced but nodded. Seonghwa sighed and motioned him in with a tilt of his head. He frowned at Wooyoung's confused look but didn't say anything, just letting Wooyoung awkwardly step in.

Seonghwa immediately recognized the monster on his heels as the Scarred False Angel. Seonghwa had never been on a case hunting it, but he'd heard from other hunters that it was notoriously difficult to catch. And being such an extremely rare species of monster, no one knew its weaknesses. No one even really knew what the jagged black lightning scars covering its body were from, though of course everyone had their folkloric theories over it being from when it was cast out of heaven and fried by the light on the way out, or from the evil in its soul creeping out and the corruption manifesting on its skin.

Seonghwa watched it stand beside Wooyoung, looking at Seonghwa like it was waiting for him to do something. It cleared its throat. "Wooyoung has told me a lot about you."

Seonghwa tried to keep a straight face and not reveal how much that statement bothered him. "I see."

"I know you view me as a monster." The false angel said. "But I wanted to thank you, for helping Wooyoung while he was at the agency."

Seonghwa's shoulders tensed, confusion pulling at his brow. "Sorry?"

"He said you helped him a lot. That you got him and the others out of a lot of punishments by offering yourself in their place, and that you defended him when the people in charge would question him. That must not have been easy to do." The false angel said. Seonghwa tried to search the words for any indication they were hiding a manipulation, but he couldn't find one. The false angel seemed genuine, if not a little anxious. What had Wooyoung called him, again? Yeosang? "I offered to try and get Wooyoung out a few times, but he always said he wouldn't leave knowing you were still there."

"He…" Seonghwa said without thinking, eyes drifting to Wooyoung who kept looking at Yeosang like he'd hung the stars in the sky. "How long have you two…known each other?"

"A decade, maybe." Yeosang said, shifting his weight. "Of course, he didn't know I was a monster until a year ago."

"How can that be?" Seonghwa asked, looking Yeosang over. He certainly didn't look human. And he wasn't a shifter who could pretend to be one. Besides, Seonghwa had trouble believing any amount of shifting could do away with the scars sprawling across his skin.

"When we were young we only spoke through a gap in the fence behind his family's home." Yeosang said quietly, looking shyly over at Wooyoung who smiled and nudged him on. "And then I started writing him letters, once I got scared of being seen so close to human civilization, even if he did live on the outskirts."

"And when my mom was killed and I applied to be a hunter, we stopped speaking." Wooyoung said, his eyes flashing with guilt. "On the first case I was assigned to, he was the target. He recognized my voice and managed to seperate me from the rest of the hunters I was with so we could talk. I nearly—"

Wooyoung cut himself off with a terrible choking noise, and Seonghwa watched as Yeosang weaved their hands together and squeezed Wooyoung's. Seonghwa didn't miss the way Yeosang stepped ever so slightly so he was between Seonghwa and Wooyoung. Like Wooyoung was the one who needed protecting here, from a hunter who was still tied down to a bed. For whatever reason, Seonghwa didn't see it as a slight. He saw it as evidence of how clearly Yeosang cared, that he was willing to try and protect Wooyoung from someone who was far more likely to hurt him.

"But he managed to convince me he was the boy I grew up speaking to. And I figured that if someone like him could be a target of the agency then there was no way all that they said about monsters was true." Wooyoung said, and Seonghwa couldn't help but feel like the wording felt strangely pointed and rehearsed. Like they'd spent time trying to come up with a way to tell this story that would make Seonghwa hear them out and believe them. He couldn't say it wasn't working. "We started meeting up then, and I started trying to rebel against the agency without anyone catching on. Though that obviously didn't work out so well."

"All the monsters you let get away." Seonghwa said, it finally making sense to him. Seonghwa was conflicted when he thought about it. Because he didn't know that he could say for sure that if he'd had a moment of realization like Wooyoung's, he wouldn't have done the same. Even if it put himself and his fellow hunters at risk. To willingly follow the orders of people you knew sent hunters after monsters who'd never done anything to harm humans before…Seonghwa didn't know if he could do it either. He looked up at Yeosang again. "Wooyoung, could you give us a moment?"

Wooyoung went rigid, hand tightening protectively in Yeosang's. "Why?"

"I won't hurt him." Seonghwa said, though he could see from the way they looked at each other they didn't really believe him. At least for a few seconds before Wooyoung looked back at him with less suspicious eyes.

"You won't hurt him?" He asked, looking like he'd won something. Seonghwa couldn't help but notice Wooyoung had put the tiniest amount of emphasis on the word "him," though he didn't quite understand why. Seonghwa shook his head.

"I won't move an inch, if that helps." Seonghwa promised, and Wooyoung finally relented. Letting go of Yeosang's hand, he gave him a lingering glance and leaned in to whisper something, no doubt about how if Seonghwa tried to kill him he should call for help and Wooyoung would come back in. Seonghwa tried not to let the idea that Wooyoung thought he'd go against a promise hurt, even though it did, just slightly.

Wooyoung closed the door behind himself, leaving Seonghwa and Yeosang in the room, the two of them staring at each other. Seonghwa glanced back towards the door, sure Wooyoung was trying to listen in, and lowered his voice so it would be too faint to hear. "You've really never killed anyone?"

Yeosang looked caught off-guard but nodded. "I've never even thought of it."

"And yet you were the subject of multiple hunts." Seonghwa pressed. Yeosang fidgeted under his stare.

"I don't know why. I don't go into town that often, I try to stay out of sight." Yeosang said, wringing his hands. "Sometimes I try and help when the others go into town by staying on the outskirts to make sure I can help them escape if they need to. But I've never attacked anyone. The worst I've done is steal, but I wouldn't have done it if I didn't have to, and I never stole anything I didn't need."

"You seem nervous." Seonghwa said, and Yeosang shrunk in on himself impossibly further.

"You stabbed my friend through the hands with fountain pens." He mumbled, trying and failing to seem put together. "I know you think we're all way stronger than you, but…that scared us. A lot. You're kind of lucky Yunho talked us down from throwing you out after that."

Seonghwa frowned. He'd been the one saying he was against restraining Seonghwa, too. "Why does he care so much?"

"Oh." Yeosang said, frowning. "I don't know what you mean?"

"Yunho. He said he fought for me to not be restrained, you say he stopped you from throwing me out." Seonghwa listed, a memory appearing in his head of when he'd first regained his hearing and he'd heard those two voices. The first was the Shifter and the second, Seonghwa realized now, was Yunho. "He was so sure you were doing the right thing saving me. Why?"

"I…you'd have to ask him, I guess." Yeosang said with a shrug. "But, uhm, he probably understands what you're going through a lot more than you think."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Seonghwa asked and Yeosang's eyes stayed firmly on the ground, like Seonghwa would lash out the moment he looked up.

"His birth pack wasn't great to him." Yeosang admitted, taking a hesitant step back. "Sorry, it's really not my place to say."

"Yeosang." Seonghwa said. He watched Yeosang jump a little at being addressed by name and tried as hard as he could to soften his voice, just a little bit. Like he always did with the younger recruits. "You really don't know why the agency was after you?"

"No." Yeosang said quickly, shaking his head. He took a beat before continuing, impossibly quieter. "But…a hunter once told me wings were a really nice trophy. So maybe it was that."

The room went silent enough Seonghwa swore he could hear a pin drop. He knew that hunters were often cruel, in their words and their attacks. He was one of them. He'd been cruel. He'd taken solace in hurting monsters before, in seeing them struggle against death at his hands, because he believed they deserved it. He'd done it to the One-Eyed Shifter, even. It would have been just as effective to put his weight on the Shifter's wrists to pin it down, but he'd wanted to see it in pain. Even still, the idea of someone cornering Yeosang and threatening to cut off his wings and mount them on a wall was sickening to Seonghwa now in a way he didn't think it ever would've been before. The agency was littered with trophies of slain monsters, hung up in common areas or turned into garments or accessories for the hunters who made the kill if it was worthy of that much praise. Harpy wings, siren tails, werewolf pelts, serpentine scales, the list went on. Seonghwa had contributed to the collection himself a few times over. He couldn't help but think of how many of the monsters he'd butchered could've been like Yeosang. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time, but never doing anything worthy of the violent painful deaths most monsters were dealt.

He'd always been told violence was in every monsters' nature. If they didn't kill now, they would eventually. If they never killed, they'd burn crops and murder livestock just for the sake of it. And Yeosang had admitted to stealing, but he'd also sworn he'd never done it without good reason, and even though everything Seonghwa had ever been taught about monsters told him not to, he believed him.

Seonghwa was starting to wonder if any of what he'd been taught about monsters was completely true.

"Is there anything else you want to ask me?" Yeosang asked, and Seonghwa hummed.

"You're the one who saved Wooyoung and I?" Seonghwa asked, and Yeosang nodded. "How did you know? Why did you do it?"

"I didn't know. I heard gunshots in the woods while I was out with some of the others and since they were sort of close to our home we thought one of the others was in danger, so we ran." Yeosang explained, eyes looking almost far away as he recounted it. "When we got there I saw Wooyoung on the ground and I told them we needed to save him. And then I saw you and…I don't know. You looked scared. It felt wrong to leave you there, especially once that man poisoned you."

Seonghwa watched Yeosang for a moment, tension making his head feel foggy. That was it, then? Yeosang thought Seonghwa looked scared, so he ran towards men with guns just to save him. Not even because Wooyoung told him to, not even because he thought Seonghwa was one of Wooyoung's friends or even because he knew Seonghwa was the person Wooyoung kept refusing to leave the agency over. He just thought Seonghwa needed help.

The Director had called him selfless for prioritizing the mission, but Seonghwa hadn't had anything to lose. Yeosang could have lost everything, and he went in anyway, to save a hunter he didn't even know, who was statistically unworthy of saving. Seonghwa didn't think he could ever be that selfless.

Seonghwa startled as the door swung open, sitting up straighter when he saw the One-Eyed Shifter in the doorway with a bowl in one of its bandaged hands. It scanned the room quickly before landing on Yeosang. Stepping forward carefully, it grabbed Yeosang's shoulder and squeezed it. "What's going on in here?"

"We were just talking." Yeosang said. Seonghwa couldn't help but notice that with the Shifter around, he looked much more relaxed than when it was just the two of them. As if he knew he wasn't in as much danger with it around, like Seonghwa hadn't unequivocally won the last altercation between them.

Though, maybe calling it an altercation wasn't fair. The Shifter hardly got a chance to fight back.

The One-Eyed Shifter eyed Seonghwa skeptically but eventually seemed to determine that nothing had happened after all and turned to face Yeosang completely. Its voice went soft, almost quiet enough that Seonghwa couldn't hear it. "Breakfast is ready. I'll catch up in a second."

Yeosang glanced back at Seonghwa before nodding, shuffling out of the room. The Shifter waited until he was gone to come closer, setting the bowl in his hands at the end of the bed between Seonghwa's ankles. He could feel the warmth of it through the blankets. He watched the Shifter carefully as he reached forward, but it didn't move, even as Seonghwa picked up the bowl and didn't immediately lean all the way back. The bowl was filled with what looked like simple oatmeal, but someone had cut up strawberries and placed them delicately on top. It certainly didn't look like the average prisoner meal Seonghwa imagined in his head.

"What is this?" He asked, just as the Shifter started walking away.

"Oatmeal." The Shifter said, clipped. He turned over his shoulder, hardly looking at Seonghwa. "Something you want to complain about?"

"No." Seonghwa said. "There are strawberries in it."

"I guess Mingi wanted to make a good first impression." The Shifter said tightly, its hand making it to the doorknob.

"You aren't going to ask me any questions?" Seonghwa asked, watching the Shifter sigh. Its hand twitched where it held the doorknob. Seonghwa wondered if the injuries still hurt, or if monsters had access to any kind of pain relief. The way some monsters seemed to bounce back after injuries that would knock down a human, he couldn't help but think maybe they hardly felt pain at all. "You aren't curious what Yeosang and I were talking about?"

"Did you threaten him?" The Shifter asked.

"No." Seonghwa said, honestly. Maybe Yeosang saw it differently, given how shaky he was, but that wasn't Seonghwa's intention.

"Then I don't care." The Shifter said, opening the door. Its short responses were starting to grate on Seonghwa's nerves. He usually didn't care when people spoke to him rudely. He was more than used to it at the agency, but there was a certain indignance at a monster speaking to him like that.

"Did you steal this food too?" Seonghwa said, and the Shifter froze. It didn't turn to face him, but Seonghwa knew it was listening. "I'm sure you don't remember our first meeting, since you've doubtless had hundreds like it, but I do. It was before you got your scar, wasn't it? Before you became the One-Eyed Shifter?"

The door slammed shut with enough aggression Seonghwa had to tense his muscles to keep from flinching. The Shifter whirled on him, one hand still on the doorknob. Its eye was alight with anger. "I have tried to be civil with you."

"That's one word for it." Seonghwa said, and the Shifter's expression only got stormier.

"You want to do this?" The Shifter said, stepping away from the door and towards Seonghwa again. It didn't come any closer than a few feet from the bed, but Seonghwa could feel its menace even then. "Yes, I remember the first time we met. I remember you trying to gut me in a corn field, and I remember trying to tear out your jugular, is that a good enough answer?"

"I'm shocked you admit it so easily. You seem to have convinced your den and Wooyoung that you're not a violent creature." Seonghwa said. "I've watched you tear a man apart, you think that isn't violent?"

"I never killed any man who didn't deserve it." The Shifter said, and Seonghwa couldn't help but scoff. "You can refuse to believe me all you want, but I remember every person I've ever killed. Twelve, and not one of them was innocent. I'm sure you run laps around those numbers."

"None of the monsters I've killed were innocent." Seonghwa defended, and the Shifter narrowed its eyes.

"You still believe that?" It pressed, some of the heat draining from its voice to push Seonghwa back into cold reality. Because it was right. He didn't still believe that. Not after what Yeosang and Wooyoung had told him. Not after thinking back over the case files he'd seen and remembering how many of the sightings listed under their titles were only sightings.

"Twelve is not a small number." Seonghwa said instead and the Shifter snarled.

"Believe me, if I were half the bloodthirsty beast you think I am, it would be ten times that." The Shifter said lowly. "I only kill when I'm forced to. When a person attacks me or someone I care about."

"But I'm sure ripping up crops and destroying food sources is a fun way to get the anger out." Seonghwa taunted, and the Shifter seemed like it was fighting itself not to come closer and claw his face off.

"Do you know what happens when monsters try to get food any other way? You burn our crops, you kill us for hunting animals and say it's justified because we're ruining your precious ecosystems." The Shifter snapped, seemingly more furious at this accusation than being called bloodthirsty. "I've never ripped up crops for fun. If I didn't steal what I do, my people would be starved out, and I have watched too many of my own die of hunger not to take what I know you can spare."

Seonghwa sobered as he watched the Shifter step back, its eye glossy.

"You watch someone you love starve to death and then you can tell me I'm evil for stealing crops." The Shifter said, and Seonghwa couldn't help but think in that moment about how it got its scar. From what he knew, the case that it happened on was one where hunters were being sent out to try and slay the Shifter for killing farm animals in the night. Was he trying to save someone, then? Was there someone he loved back home, in this very house even, starving to death who Hongjoong was trying to save from that fate? Did they die because Hongjoong had had his eye carved out and couldn't steal any more?

Seonghwa watched as Hongjoong took a heaving breath and turned, striding back towards the door more frantically than Seonghwa was sure he was trying to let show. He stopped just before leaving to glare at Seonghwa one last time. "And for your information, we grew those strawberries. So you can eat guilt-free. No human will go hungry because of you."

Hongjoong slammed the door behind him, leaving Seonghwa to his own devices in the silent aftermath of his anger. He looked down at the bowl in his hands, the heat no longer radiating out from it onto his palms. Twelve people. It was a lot, but nowhere near the hundreds Seonghwa had always assumed when people talked about the One-Eyed Shifter.

About Hongjoong.

Seonghwa didn't realize it until now, but he'd been subconsciously dividing the two of them in his head. Even knowing that the Hongjoong who nursed him through paralysis and the One-Eyed Shifter were the same person, he couldn't reconcile that the monster who Seonghwa had watched murder one of his fellow hunters on a case with his bare hands could be gentle in any way. He couldn't conceive of someone who could be so violent just to not only spare but save the life of a hunter who'd tried to kill him on no less than three occassions. He couldn't picture the One-Eyed Shifter getting teary-eyed at the thought of someone he loved dying, and all the same he couldn't imagine the Hongjoong that had carefully propped him up and coaxed warm brothy stew down his throat ever digging his claws into the side of it to rip it out.

One of Seonghwa's hands left the bowl to carefully brush the side of his neck where small long-healed scars ran up the length of it. He remembered the Shifter leering above him, wearing the appearance of one of his fellow hunters with its claws burning at the side of his throat. Someone had gotten it off of him though he couldn't recall how, and the next thing he knew his Captain was bandaging his neck and telling him to be more careful around that particular Shifter. Something about how it had been making itself more and more known lately, stealing crops and killing wildlife, and once violently murdering a retired hunter in his home.

Seonghwa set the bowl on his windowsill, his appetite disappearing. Even still he picked off just one of the sliced strawberries to try it. It was perfectly sweet and ripe. He'd forgotten how much he loved the taste.

Seonghwa ended up picking off all the strawberries from his oatmeal but letting the rest of it go cold on his windowsill as he watched the wildlife. Despite what Hongjoong said, though, his enjoyment of them was nowhere near guilt-free. Nothing he'd done had felt guilt-free since he'd woken up. Maybe longer than that. Guilt was a near constant companion for Seonghwa. He didn't think he'd ever be able to remedy it. He wished he could just get used to it, already.

—

Seonghwa's door opened again a few hours later, just as Seonghwa was starting to actually get bored of watching the forest outside his window. He looked up to see Yunho and the Phoenix from the case file. Mingi, he thought, given how Yunho referenced him. The one who gave Seonghwa the strawberries.

"Hello again." Yunho said, carrying another bowl in his hands. "We brought you lunch. This is Mingi, I think I mentioned him."

"You did." Seonghwa said. Mingi shyly raised a hand to wave, and Seonghwa couldn't help but notice the tiny sparks that flickered off his fingertips when he did. If they weren't accompanied by such an innocent movement, he would've considered them a threat. As it was, he was starting to wonder how much Phoenixes could really control their fire.

"Do you mind?" Yunho asked, pulling the chair Hongjoong had been sitting in closer to the bed. Seonghwa hesitated but shook his head. Of all the monsters in the house, Seonghwa had to admit he feared Yunho the least even before they'd met. Werewolves were dangerous, sure, but lone ones were often weaker. And now that they had met, Seonghwa had to admit Yunho reminded him more of a golden retriever than any terrifying mutt. Yunho handed over the bowl, which Seonghwa saw was filled with what seemed to be a fish stew. His mouth watered upon seeing it. He thought he recognized the smell from when he'd only been having the broth while paralyzed. If he did, this was undoubtedly his favorite thing they'd given him.

"I can take your other bowl." Mingi offered, and Seonghwa was momentarily surprised by the deepness of his voice. In combination with his towering height it was no wonder people found him scary, but as Seonghwa put the new bowl in his lap and handed over the cold one of oatmeal, he couldn't help but realize how small Mingi seemed to be trying to make himself. Mingi frowned a little when he saw the bowl was still full but seemed to try and soften it into a smile as he sat down on the floor next to Yunho's chair. "You like strawberries?"

"I guess." Seonghwa shrugged. "I don't have them very often."

"Wooyoung said they don't usually have a lot of fresh fruit at the agency." Yunho said and Seonghwa was only a little perturbed about the fact that they would know things like that. Even if it was fair that Wooyoung would tell them, since it was his experience to share too.

"It's too expensive for how short it keeps." Seonghwa said, bringing the bowl to his lips and blowing on it carefully before sipping from it. He couldn't help the way his shoulders deflated at the comforting taste. It was the one he liked after all.

"So." Yunho said, after Seonghwa managed to get down a good half the bowl. "I don't think you ever told me what you wanted to be called."

Seonghwa paused, spoonful of stew hovering above the bowl before he unceremoniously dropped it back in. For a moment, he thought about asking why Yunho was so insistent on getting Seonghwa to tell him his name when it was pretty obvious by now Wooyoung probably told them it when he told them everything else. But he knew why. He didn't look up. "I get the message."

The two of them were silent for a moment, which only made Seonghwa feel more judged. Yunho cleared his throat hesitantly. "What message?"

"I'm sorry, that no one let you decide what you wanted to be called." Seonghwa said quietly. "I know it sounds hollow, but I am. You don't have to prove to me that you're better than that because I know. You don't have to ask when you clearly already know my name."

Yunho was silent for a moment before Seonghwa watched his hand hesitantly appear on the side of the bed. Not close enough to touch Seonghwa, but much closer. Closer than any of them had dared to get yet.

"I'm not trying to prove I'm better." Yunho said, quietly. "I…okay, you're right. Wooyoung told us your name already. But I wasn't sure if you wanted to be called that yet. We…um, us werewolves put a lot of stake on titles. I thought maybe you'd want us to call you something less casual first."

Seonghwa looked up at him, searching his face. "That's why you asked if I wanted to be called Captain."

Yunho nodded, looking almost flushed. Mingi wrapped a careful arm around his shoulder. "If I can say, Yunho really wasn't trying to teach you some kind of lesson. He does that to everyone."

"It's respectful." Yunho said in defense of himself, before leveling back out. "I'm sorry if it felt like I was trying to make you feel guilty."

"No." Seonghwa said, shaking his head. "It would've been deserved."

"I don't—" Yunho tried, but Seonghwa cut him off quickly.

"It would have." Seonghwa said, looking up at Yunho again. He noticed all the things he usually did, the enlarged canines, the giant ears, the tail, the sharp yellow eyes, all the things that made Yunho a monster. And for the first time, Seonghwa hated that he noticed them before he noticed how kind and patient his eyes were. He hated that he still couldn't accept that the monsters in this house were anything but. "I should feel guilty. I do. And it's not worth anything, but I am sorry for how I acted towards you."

"It's okay." Yunho said. Seonghwa stared at him a little sideways.

"You're unbelievable, you know that?" Seonghwa said, not really minding the fact he couldn't put any heat behind it. Not even really minding how it came out nearly fond. "I don't understand how you're still being patient with me after all I've done."

"Well…" Yunho said, looking awkwardly over at Mingi who only reached out to squeeze his thigh comfortingly. Yunho took a breath. "Well, it's not like me holding a grudge would do anything, you know? And I guess…I want to see the good in you. I know it's hard to realize you've been wrong about something your whole life."

Seonghwa watched the way Yunho's eyes drifted somewhere far away, Mingi's hand gentle but grounding on his thigh, and he knew there was a story there. Yeosang had said something about it too. About how Yunho knew what Seonghwa was going through. That his birth pack had done something to him that somehow related to it. For some reason, though, Seonghwa didn't want to pry. Maybe he just wanted to extend to Yunho some of the courtesy he'd been shown.

He looked at where Yunho's hand was still placed on the bed, still establishing some tiny connection. Seonghwa slowly moved his own hand away from where it was steadying his bowl, shifting the weight to between his thighs, and set it a few inches away. He tried not to overthink it as he brushed his pinky against Yunho's clawed one, laying it over top and looping them limply. Yunho stilled, looking up at Seonghwa and then down at their hands, and smiled.

Seonghwa turned back to his stew. Yunho and Mingi stayed in his room while he ate it, and his pinky stayed where it was.

—

The days continued on like that. Slowly and without much fanfare as Yunho, Mingi, Wooyoung, and Yeosang revolved in visiting him. He was only a little surprised when the door opened the third day to reveal Wooyoung and Yeosang joined by the serpentine. He should have expected it, though. They talked about "San" unendingly most of the times they visited, once Yeosang got comfortable enough to do anything but stand awkwardly to the side while Wooyoung tried to non-subtly convince Seonghwa of the monsters' goodness. He had to admit, it was working more and more lately, almost to the point Seonghwa wasn't nervous when San entered the room even though the last time he'd seen him, he was being pinned against the wall for attacking someone.

San didn't seem to hold much of a grudge, stepping right up to Seonghwa's bed and holding out a salad with strawberries cut up on the top. He pointed to them with a smile that made his eyes disappear into slits. "Mingi told me you liked these."

As it turned out, San was incredibly talkative, nearly rivaling Wooyoung in that regard. Seonghwa actually found himself laughing at their antics, only realizing how long it had been since he'd done that when Yeosang looked back at him. He pressed his lips together a little self-consciously after that, but he couldn't keep himself from smiling at them.

When San left that first time, he undid the restraints around Seonghwa's ankles too. He didn't make a big fuss of it, none of them did, but Seonghwa still found the small notion lingering with him as he got up once they left and did a slow lap around the room to readjust to walking. They trusted him, then. Seonghwa had no idea how he'd earned that. How he'd in any way proven he wouldn't use the newfound opportunity to attempt another murder.

Seonghwa paused with his hand on the desk for support. He hadn't realized it until then, but someone had taken all of the books that had been on it away. Maybe to stop him using them as weapons, maybe because whoever owned them wanted them back.

He didn't know when killing a monster became murdering them. He didn't think he'd ever thought about it like that before.

None of the monsters who visited him seemed to worry about it, though. Even when Yunho opened the door to find Seonghwa restlessly doing pushups in the middle of the floor, all he'd done was smile and say he was glad to see him up and moving. San quietly joined the rotation that would visit him, the door stayed closed, and Seonghwa never tried it because he knew it would probably be locked anyway. As things carried on, Seonghwa felt himself growing steadily more okay with the situation. He didn't mind staying in this room or having the monsters and Wooyoung as visitors, even though he was sometimes a bit unnerved by the lack of structure to his days outside of the agency. And he didn't even really mind knowing there was still a monster in the house who hated his guts. Maybe two, if the absence of the oilbird harpy was any indication. Seonghwa had determined he was named Jongho through process of elimination, and had also determined he wouldn't especially care if he never saw him or Hongjoong if that was what they wanted. He knew he hadn't exactly done much to earn their favor, even as the others got more comfortable with him.

Seonghwa winced a little as Wooyoung tugged at his hair, unknotting it carefully with a comb after so long of it going neglected in its braid. Technically, Seonghwa was sure he could wash it now if he just asked to be escorted long enough to do so, but he'd always hesitated to ask for much of anything.

"Have you always kept your hair this long, Seonghwa?" Yeosang asked where he was sitting in Seonghwa's periphery, on the bed with Wooyoung. It had surprised Seonghwa a little bit when he'd done it, but he figured Yeosang simply wasn't scared of him anymore. It felt strangely nice.

"My mother liked it this way." Seonghwa admitted quietly. "A little shorter, actually, but I don't mind it."

"We could cut it for you." Yeosang offered. "Yunho's not bad."

"Is he who usually cuts your hair?" Seongh+wa asked and didn't miss the way Yeosang shifted almost uncomfortably.

"Ah. No." Yeosang said, voice dipping quieter. "It's usually Hongjoong."

Seonghwa nodded. There was probably no way either of them would want the other close enough for that, especially with a blade around. He twirled one of the newly untangled sections of his hair around his finger. It had gotten pretty long as of late. Seonghwa couldn't remember the last time he cut it. He'd just never had the time, knowing he'd have to cut it himself or find a hunter he trusted to do it for him. The one who used to died almost a year ago. Had he really not cut it since then? "I guess I wouldn't mind cutting it."

"It'd be easier to take care of." Yeosang said, no doubt watching carefully as Wooyoung fought with a particularly stubborn knot.

"Go get Yunho and tell him to do it now." Wooyoung grit out. Seonghwa was a little glad he had the pain tolerance he did. He wasn't sure he'd survive Wooyoung's detangling otherwise. "Before I rip off Seonghwa's scalp trying to get these knots out."

"Actually…" Yeosang said, and Seonghwa could hear a smile creeping into his voice. "We could go to him, if we wanted to."

"Wait." Wooyoung said halfway through brushing out another knot. "You mean like Seonghwa's allowed out into the house?"

"We talked about it, and most of us agreed he's proven he won't hurt anyone." Yeosang explained, Wooyoung shaking Seonghwa's shoulder lightly in excitement. Seonghwa tried to be excited too, he really did. As much as he was content with staying in his room he did feel a little like he was being held prisoner even with how much the monsters and Wooyoung tried not to treat him like it. Being able to go out into the main house whenever he wanted would be a welcome change of pace. But his brain couldn't move from the words "most of us." For the life of him, Seonghwa couldn't get himself to feel good about getting to go out knowing even just one of the people in the home he'd be walking around still thought he couldn't trusted. Knowing even just Hongjoong was out there hating the idea of Seonghwa in his home was enough to make the thought of leaving sickening. Seonghwa had always hated inconveniencing people. Every time someone at the agency made it clear he wasn't wanted around, he made himself scarce and small until he could be sure they wouldn't be bothered by him. But Wooyoung and Yeosang seemed so happy about this. He wasn't sure how to tell them he didn't know it was such a good thing.

"Then let's go!" Wooyoung said, already getting off the bed.

Seonghwa tried to hide the nausea swirling in his gut with an exhausted smile. "Don't you need to finish getting the knots out first?"

"Just get Yunho to cut them out." Wooyoung said, grabbing Seonghwa's wrist. Seonghwa yanked it back, getting out of bed on his own and ignoring the way pins and needles shot up the bottom halves of his legs.

"Where did your respect for me go?" Seonghwa asked, frowning at the way Wooyoung only grabbed his wrist again to start dragging him towards the door.

"Turns out you're a lot less scary out of uniform." Wooyoung teased. Seonghwa had half a mind to tell him that, armor or not, he was still his Captain, but held his tongue. From the way Wooyoung had been talking since what happened in the forest, it seemed as though he truly didn't think of Seonghwa that way any more. As though he didn't think about the agency at all any more. It was…strange. Seonghwa knew Wooyoung hadn't been involved with the agency as long as he had, but he didn't understand even then how someone could completely abandon a purpose like that.

Then again, hunting monsters and protecting humanity had never been Wooyoung's purpose, had it? Certainly not the way it had been Seonghwa's. Wooyoung had been rebelling against the agency almost as long as he'd been a part of it, and Seonghwa…still wasn't sure he could ever do that.

There was still a part of him that wanted to go back to the agency once they let him leave. If he was lucky, and the Director took him back in as an authority, he might even be able to start reforming it. Not rebelling like Wooyoung, but trying to make it so the monsters they were hunting were only monsters who needed to be hunted. Monsters who were actually violent and actually doing harm.

Except…Hongjoong was on that list still, wasn't he? And Seonghwa knew from their files that every monster in this house except Yeosang were on it too for "destroying" food sources and some attacks that Seonghwa couldn't exactly verify the moral ethics of. He wanted to walk the tightrope of being a good hunter and not immediately returning to the admittedly short-sighted way he viewed monsters before this, but every time he even thought of taking a step it started to wobble violently. All he wanted was to do the right thing. He thought he'd been doing it for years. Why now, all of a sudden, was it so difficult to understand where his morals were supposed to lie?

Seonghwa let himself be pulled out into the hallway. Across the way was the bathroom they'd been escorting him to, and down the hall lie the a couple of the monsters' rooms and wherever Wooyoung was staying, probably with Yeosang. He hadn't yet left this tiny part of the house, but he let Wooyoung lead him out into the main area and tried not to let himself be immediately overwhelmed by how homey it was.

When Seonghwa used to envision where monsters lived, if he envisioned anything, it was hollowed out caves with loose furs for bedding and a fire. In reality, they seemed to live just how Seonghwa had as a kid. Just as every human did. In houses with furniture and decor, and tiny signs of life sprinkled throughout. Seonghwa hated how awed he felt by it. He knew that a lot of what he'd been taught to think about monsters was wrong, but being confronted with it over and over again like wave after wave against an eroding shore was a lot to handle.

Seonghwa's eyes swept the details of the living room. The couches which Seonghwa now assumed had been hand-carved by Mingi, and fitted with cushions and furs by Yunho. The framed portraits and pressed flowers that Seonghwa knew had to be handmade. The small lovingly crafted piano tucked away in the corner with a vase of flowers sat on its closed lid. Seonghwa wondered which one of them played, and how they could have come into posession of such a beautiful instrument. If Mingi had carved that too, he was even more skilled than Seonghwa could properly comprehend.

Seonghwa only stopped when he noticed a tiny squirrel nested in a pile of fur blankets on one of the couches, almost indistinguishable from them if not for the small rise and fall of its chest and the erratic flicking of its tail. Seonghwa had no idea the monsters had any pets, let alone a squirrel. No one had referenced it. Maybe they were worried he'd hurt it, too. He swallowed back his nerves and spoke up in a small whisper. "Is that a squirrel?"

Seonghwa watched Yeosang's head turn so quickly it threatened whiplash, his wings puffing up in a way that immediately put Seonghwa on edge. Was it not a pet, then? Had it gotten in somehow? Seonghwa didn't understand how that could even be feasible. Yeosang put a hand out to halt Wooyoung. "Ah—maybe we should—"

Yeosang was interrupted by quiet chatter from the adjacent room, and Seonghwa watched as Yunho and a very tired looking Jongho emerged from the doorway. Seonghwa saw the exact moment Jongho registered that Seonghwa was there, because his wide pitch black eyes landed on him and his wings immediately flared out like he was trying to make himself look big to a predator. Jongho's gaze flashed from Seonghwa to the squirrel on the couch and in a matter of seconds he had walked across the room, carefully collected the squirrel and a couple blankets in his arms, and disappeared into the hall. Seonghwa blinked, looking up to see Yunho's face flicker from confusion to seeming sadness before he managed to fix a smile onto his face when making eye contact with Seonghwa.

"Hey." He said, stepping towards them and completely ignoring what had just happened. "Are we giving Seonghwa a tour?"

"Actually, we were looking for you." Wooyoung said. Seonghwa wondered if all of them were going to just brush that off. Clearly Jongho did dislike Seonghwa, then. Yeosang must not have warned him they were going to start letting him into the house. Wooyoung let go of where he'd been loosely holding Seonghwa's wrist to brush some of his hair in front of his shoulders. "He needs a haircut."

"Oh." Yunho said, smiling. "Of course. I can do that."

Seonghwa looked back towards Yeosang, whose wings were still all puffed up and who seemed to be having trouble dragging his attention away from the spot on the couch where the squirrel had been. Even as he followed them towards the kitchen, it seemed like his mind was elsewhere. Seonghwa wasn't surprised that almost as soon as they got Seonghwa set up, he was finding an excuse to pull Yunho aside.

"Woo, you probably do need to untangle the rest of it before Yunho can do anything." He said, and Wooyoung's face immediately reflected betrayal.

"I thought we agreed he could just cut them out." Wooyoung complained.

"We didn't agree on anything. You just said that." Yeosang said. Seonghwa could see from the tension on his brows how hard he was trying to come off light-hearted. "I thought you were joking."

"Wooyoung, if I cut out the knots Seonghwa's hair would be all choppy." Yunho said, coming to Yeosang's defense. "He probably wouldn't want that."

Usually, Seonghwa wouldn't actually care that much. He usually had his hair in an updo anyway since having it down made it easy for monsters to grab at, and it wasn't like his appearance mattered all too much to him. But he could see how much Yeosang wanted to step away from him and Wooyoung for a moment, and decided it was best not to voice that. "No, I wouldn't."

Wooyoung sighed exaggeratedly, but did grab the comb off the counter where he'd put it and sit down in the chair they'd pulled away from the dining table for Seonghwa to get his hair cut in and gestured for Seonghwa to sit down on the floor in front of him. He followed the direction easily, and once again found Wooyoung tugging at his hair. He was entirely unsurprised when Yeosang pulled Yunho towards a far corner of the kitchen as soon as Wooyoung started talking. Seonghwa tried to focus on Wooyoung and whatever he was trying to rant about, but his curiosity won and he found himself tuning him out in favor of watching Yunho and Yeosang whisper to each other.

Seonghwa had always been almost too-aware of his surroundings. At the agency, not knowing what was expected of him at any given moment was too much of a risk not to learn ways to avoid being caught off guard. He got good at reading emotions in a matter of seconds and targeting his attention wherever it needed to be. If two higher members of the agency were ever speaking in a room he was in, he could reliably gather enough of what they were saying to know what to be most alert to. As it turned out, that instinct didn't go away outside of agency walls. He found himself tracking Yeosang and Yunho's expressions, reading their lips, catching any words said even a little bit too loud.

"…told us. If I'd known…"

"…wouldn't have helped…"

"…first time since…"

"…true-shifted."

It was that last one that made Seonghwa wish he could've just ignored them. Because all too fast pieces started clicking together to a puzzle Seonghwa didn't think he wanted to solve.

He'd heard the term true-shifting used before, to refer to the fact that some shifters could shift into exactly one form that resembled a dangerous animal instead of the near-countless ways they could tweak their appearance to look like humans and other monsters. Seonghwa had always thought the One-Eyed Shifter didn't have one, because no one had ever seen it true-shift before. That, or he thought if it did have one, it would be something as frightening as it. A wolf or a big cat or a snake. Something dangerous and deadly and not…a squirrel. A tiny, fluffy, defenseless squirrel.

Seonghwa felt discontent settle deep in his gut as Wooyoung finished brushing his hair and eventually Yunho came over to begin cutting it. He couldn't focus on anything, mindlessly agreeing to anything Yunho asked.

He didn't know how or why true-shifts were the way they were. He'd always been told that they were manifestations of the shifters inner-self. It was why they were only ever dangerous animals. At least, that anyone had ever seen. It had never occured to Seonghwa that some shifters could have true-shifts that they never let humans see precisely because they wanted to be seen as dangerous. Maybe all shifters had them after all, maybe they were just scared to ever be caught vulnerable.

From what Yunho and Yeosang had been saying, it seemed like that was exactly the case for Hongjoong. Afraid of being seen that way to the point he hadn't true-shifted probably since Seonghwa was taken in, and to the point Yeosang still got freaked out about Seonghwa seeing him even though he didn't seem scared of Seonghwa in general any more. Was it the vulnerability, or was it the fear that Seonghwa would use this knowledge to his benefit somehow? That he'd use it to hurt Hongjoong again?

Seonghwa felt nauseous as he considered how, if he'd found out the One-Eyed Shifter's true-shift was a squirrel any sooner than maybe a week ago, he would have used it to his advantage. He would have found a way to torment him with it. He would have probably reported the knowledge to the agency, knowing they'd use it to go out into the forests where the Shifter was most frequently sighted and kill as many squirrels as possible in hopes of one of them being him. He could imagine the things hunters would say to each other about it, about how the Shifter must actually be far weaker than he appears. It would have boosted morale. Seonghwa would have been praised for finding such an integral weakness of a high-priority capture. Like the hunter who had taken Hongjoong's eye.

A hand squeezed his shoulder and he looked back to see Yunho smiling lightly at him. "What do you think?"

Seonghwa looked back in front of him at the small mirror Wooyoung had found and was now holding up in front of him. Seonghwa stared back at his own reflection. He almost didn't recognize himself, hair down and a sweater he was told belonged to Yunho on instead of the agency uniform. He was surprised when he saw his eyes get glossy in the mirror. He felt like he was looking at someone else. Even with his hair greasy and his undereyes a little bruised, he looked lighter than he remembered looking when he saw himself in the mirrors of the agencies bathrooms.

"Seonghwa?" Yunho asked again. Seonghwa felt frozen as Yunho carefully brushed a hand through his hair. He hummed when Seonghwa didn't respond. "It's a little greasy, huh? Maybe it'll look better once you wash it."

Seonghwa reached up to touch his own hair, gut twisting as he realized that despite the grease and matting some of it was still lightly curled from being stuck in the braid. He glanced over to Yeosang, who was frowning at him from where he stood by the kitchen counter. Seonghwa could see a large wooden bowl of fresh fruit sitting out on it. If he asked for one right now, Yeosang would probably hand it over without a second thought.

The idea made his breath shallow. He could hardly get air behind his words. "What am I still doing here?"

"Sorry?" Yunho asked from behind him. Seonghwa watched Wooyoung lower the mirror.

"You haven't sent me away yet." Seonghwa said. "I wouldn't tell the agency anything if you sent me back."

"Oh." Yunho said, awkwardly. "Do you think you're only still here because we don't want you to tell the agency where we are?"

Seonghwa stared down at his hands. "Why else would I be here?"

"Do you…want to go back?" Yeosang asked, quietly. Seonghwa nodded before he could think about it.

He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror, only the bottom half of his head because of the angle Wooyoung had dropped it to. His hair curled around his ears. Framed his face. He looked young. He thought about the question again. Did he want to go back? "Something's wrong."

"What?" Wooyoung asked, dropping into a crouch in front of Seonghwa so they could be eye-level. He looked terrified. "What's wrong?"

"I don't…" Seonghwa started quietly, not able to look Wooyoung in the eyes. He felt his throat close up. He shouldn't say it. He shouldn't speak the words aloud. Someone could overhear. He could be punished. But…it was true, wasn't it? Wooyoung always said what was on his mind. He'd want Seonghwa to do the same. "I don't think I want to go back."

"Okay." Yunho said, even though Wooyoung was opening his mouth to speak up. Yunho circled around Seonghwa and crouched down in front of him, putting a gentle hand on his thigh. Seonghwa's own hand found his pinky, linking them together absentmindedly. Yunho smiled. "Do you want to stay here?"

Seonghwa hesitated. "I don't deserve to."

"Is that because of what you did as a hunter?" Yunho asked and Seonghwa felt like shrinking away into nothing.

"Yes." Seonghwa whispered. "You shouldn't want me around. I take from you and give back nothing."

"That's not true." Yeosang said. Seonghwa looked up to find he'd stepped closer. "Seonghwa, I don't know how to say this without being blunt, but we wouldn't be trying so hard with you if we didn't think it was worth it. You're a good person."

"I'm not." Seonghwa said, almost before Yeosang could finish his sentence. "I haven't done anything but cause you hurt."

"You think you haven't been kind to us?" Yunho asked.

"I've never been kind to monsters." Seonghwa said before he could think better of it. For some reason, Yunho didn't seem upset by the admission.

"You always listen when we talk, even though it would be well within your power not to. And you talk to us and never get mad at us for bothering you. You eat the things we give you and compliment it." Yunho listed. "You compliment us a lot more than I think you realize."

"That's what I'm supposed to do." Seonghwa said quietly.

"For humans, maybe." Yunho said. "I always thought that if you really hated monsters you'd just yell at us or hurt us until we left you alone."

"But not being cruel doesn't mean I'm kind." Seonghwa pointed out, almost frustrated.

"Maybe." Yunho hummed. "But it makes you kinder than I was."

"What?" Seonghwa asked, and Yunho glanced up at Yeosang. Seonghwa watched as Yeosang nodded and carefully stepped over, taking Wooyoung's hand and pulling him to stand. Wooyoung made a noise of protest that died in his throat almost immediately, and Seonghwa watched the both of them leave the kitchen exchanging whispers.

"You know, you're not the only one who almost killed Hongjoong when they first met him." Yunho started, and Seonghwa felt his heart suddenly swerve and crash against the side of his ribs, the fog in his mind clearing in an instant. He stared wide-eyed at Yunho who only gave a nervous smile. "My pack raised me to believe a lot of things that weren't true. One of them was that shifters were all jealous of our nature and wanted to kill us and infiltrate our packs. They used to tell me that if anyone in the pack acted even slightly out of character, it could be a sign they'd been replaced. I spent my entire youth paranoid that anyone I loved could go out in the woods one day and come back a shifter in disguise."

Seonghwa stared back at him. "That's how a lot of humans talk about shifters too."

Yunho smiled sadly. "You'd be surprised how many monsters are just as scared of them as humans are."

On one hand, Seonghwa was surprised. On the other, it made sense. Of all monsters, shifters were often considered the most inherently malevolent. All monsters were evil by nature in human eyes, but shifters specifically existed in folklore only to trick and hurt. To hide amongst humans until the opportunity arose for them to attack. It wasn't that shocking that monsters were also scared of the possibility of someone they knew being replaced by a shifter. What they could do was frightening. Even still, Seonghwa wondered if any shifters had ever actually done that. Killed someone and taken their place, just for the sake of it. It seemed as uncertain as everything else he knew of monsters.

"It wasn't just shifters, though. My pack taught me that anyone who wasn't born a werewolf was inherently bad somehow, that we were given our lycanthropy because of our pureness of heart." Yunho said, almost wincing. "A lot happened while I was with them that I…might never really recover from, a lot of thoughts they planted in my head that I still find myself thinking. But I met Mingi, and he eventually realized I was being hurt and got me out. When he brought me here and introduced me to Hongjoong I thought the whole thing was a scheme so that he could kill and replace me. So I tried to kill him first to protect my pack."

Seonghwa tensed. The whole thing sounded almost eerily similar to what Seonghwa had done. Yunho continued. "I was stopped before I could really do much, but I didn't stop thinking they were trying to hurt me. I tried to attack anyone who came in my room until they had to restrain me, and every time someone came in after that I threatened them until they left. I still don't understand why they didn't determine me a lost cause."

"They wanted to see the good in you." Seonghwa mumbled, and Yunho smiled up at him.

"It took six months before Mingi was able to convince me they were trying to help." Yunho admitted. Seonghwa's shoulders dropped. Six months. They didn't give up on Yunho for six whole months, even though they were constantly being hurt or threatened by him. Just because they thought they could help him. Yunho let out a soft sigh. "That is to say…you are kinder than you think you are. And you don't have to do anything to deserve getting to stay here."

Seonghwa inched his hand until it was covering Yunho's instead of only their pinkies being linked. "Jongho and Hongjoong still hate me."

"Jongho's…protective." Yunho said quietly. "Hongjoong saved all of us in one way or another, but Jongho feels really indebted to him. Anyone who even looks at Hongjoong wrong is someone he hates. I wouldn't be surprised if it takes a while for him to forgive you."

"Hongjoong saved all of you?" Seonghwa asked, feeling guilt wrap around his throat like a noose when Yunho nodded. "Why don't you all hate me, then?"

"Well, like I said, you're not the only one who's done something like that." Yunho said. "As for the others…I think a lot of them are still angry at you for that, but they want to believe you're changing. Most of them are kind of forgiving to a fault."

"It seems that way." Seonghwa said, a little surprised when Yunho laughed.

"They're good people." Yunho said, fondness taking over his expression.

"You're good, too." Seonghwa told him. Yunho hummed like he didn't quite believe him, but didn't say anything else. Seonghwa almost wanted to tell him off for it. To insist that Yunho had been perhaps the kindest person to Seonghwa of all of them. He caught himself with the fact that he knew Yunho wouldn't believe him the same way he never believed anyone who said something like that to him.

"You should wash your hair." Yunho said, but didn't make any move to get up until Seonghwa nodded and did it first. Like he would've been content to sit there for hours if that was what Seonghwa needed. Seonghwa didn't understand how someone like Yunho could ever believe he wasn't a good person.

As he washed his hair in the house's bathroom, he wondered if anyone ever thought about him like that.

—

Seonghwa didn't use his newfound privelige very often unless someone explicitly came to get him, all too aware of the two monsters in the house that still didn't want him around, but he got more used to being in it with time. Over the course of the next week he even started to feel like the house was somewhere he could stay forever. That if he really didn't want to, he might never have to go back to the agency.

The realization came with a full sleepless night of him turning over in bed and pacing around until eventually he found his way out into the living room and sat on the floor by the piano with his back pressed uncomfortably to one of its legs, warring over the feeling of deserting the one purposed he ever felt like he'd had. He'd almost snapped that morning, almost went right out the front door with the goal of finding his way through the woods and to the agencies doorstep. He didn't even care whether they took him back in or shot him on sight, or locked him in the holding cells they used for monsters they needed information from and tortured him for not returning immediately. He just wanted the normalcy back. He didn't want to have to think about his life and his morals any more, about all of the lies he'd been fed and willingly believed because it was easier than questioning them. For those couple hours, he would've rather died at the agencies hands than spend one more second thinking about Hongjoong and whether or not he still deserved to be killed.

And then Mingi had come out of his room and stopped when he spotted Seonghwa on his way to the kitchen, holding out a hand and groggily asking Seonghwa if he wanted to help make breakfast. Somewhere between taking Mingi's outstretched, warm hand and plating the savory crepes he'd made on muscle memory when Mingi told him to just cook whatever he felt like making, he forgot all about wanting to go back.

"Woah." Mingi said, taking a bite of what Seonghwa had made. "I didn't know you cooked, Seonghwa."

"My mom taught me." Seonghwa said, frowning down at his plate. "I didn't know I still remembered how."

"Haven't had the chance to do it much lately, then?" Mingi asked. Seonghwa shook his head.

"I enjoyed kitchen duty too much." Seonghwa said, almost laughing as he said it. "I took too much time. And once I became a captain I was never asked to do it because it was supposed to be a chore."

"That's…huh." Mingi said, frowning as he took another bite. He covered his mouth with his hand as he talked. "So they didn't let you do it because you liked doing it too much?"

"It was a distraction." Seonghwa said automatically before cutting off the tip of his crepe with his knife. He corrected himself. "They told me it was one."

Mingi hummed, letting the silence between them breathe before he spoke again. "Well, cook as much and for as long as you want here. I know I won't complain about not having to do it."

"You're not bad." Seonghwa said, almost teasing. "I really enjoyed all the broths you made, when I could taste them."

"Oh. Wooyoung made those." Mingi said, softly. "He said he wanted to be able to do something for you, since we were worried him visiting you when you were like that would mess with your head."

Seonghwa let out a quiet "ah." He guessed that made sense. He did immediately assume Wooyoung was a ghost when he saw him for the first time after waking up, so it was probably good they kept them seperate. It was nice that Wooyoung had wanted to help him though. He wondered why Wooyoung never took any credit for it. Maybe somewhere, in the back of his mind, he did still think of Seonghwa as a superior. Someone he was meant to do things for. Or maybe, everyone in the entire house really was more selfless than Seonghwa could ever possibly be.

Slowly, the others started filtering in, all exceedingly complimentary when Mingi told them Seonghwa was the one who made breakfast. It flustered him, slightly. He wasn't used to so much praise.

He wasn't surprised when breakfast came and went without any sight of Hongjoong or Jongho. Seonghwa assumed someone probably told them he was out there, and they both decided to stay in their rooms. He made sure to go back to his own for a while in case that was true, hopefully giving them time to be out in the house without his presence making it hard for them.

He spent the entire day except for meals in there, needing to be practically dragged out of his room to eat. It was only when he tried settling down to sleep that his mind started itching for something else to do. He tried walking around his room and excersicing lightly to get the energy out, but it wouldn't work.

So he found himself wandering around the house at night again, moving through the halls and eventually making his way to the kitchen. He wasn't sure why, but being confronted with it, all he could think about was Mingi's promise. That he could cook whenever he wanted, for however long he wanted. It sounded almost too good to be true, but Seonghwa knew Mingi wouldn't lie to him about that, so he started quietly pulling ingredients down from the pantries and out of the icebox and seeing what he could remember of his mother's recipes.

He was shocked by how soothing it was. For the first time in a long time, Seonghwa's mind felt truly quieted as he went through the motions of baking bread and then trying to recreate the fish stew Wooyoung had made. He'd forgotten how much he liked cooking. And now, no one would be here to tell him to stop because he was wasting too much time or too many resources. It was a dissenting thought to have, to think of the agency as something that took this from him, but Seonghwa found that while he was cooking that didn't bother him as much as he knew it should have. It was nice, not to feel guilty for once.

Seonghwa stilled in adding more spice to the stew when he heard a faint clicking noise echoing through the house. He set the tiny glass jar of red pepper down and turned, watching the doorway with his hand absentmindedly inching towards the knife on the cutting board as the clicking grew closer and closer.

Eventually, the lamp he'd set up on the countertop illuminated the winged form of Jongho, who winced and made a keening noise at the light, stepping back. Seonghwa froze for only a second before rushing to blow out the flame inside, waiting as Jongho seemed to readjust.

Seonghwa couldn't make out his expression in the dark, but he saw as Jongho's wings puffed up and tried to keep himself from moving or making any noise that would offend him.

"Why are you awake?" Jongho asked, and Seonghwa felt guilty about the fact he almost instinctively covered his ears to protect from voice magic. He forced his hands to his sides, reminding himself that the others listened to Jongho talk all the time and weren't enchanted by him. That Yunho had told him as much when he'd very nervously asked. That Jongho would have to actually sing to have that effect and that, once again, not everything Seonghwa had been told was true.

"I'm cooking." Seonghwa said quietly. He fumbled. "You?"

"I'm nocturnal." Jongho almost hissed. Seonghwa wanted to hit himself. He should have known that. It was in Jongho's case file and more than that, Jongho was an oilbird harpy. They were all nocturnal. Though, San's case file had also said he was nocturnal, and Seonghwa saw him up and about in the day quite a lot. Maybe San had just adjusted his sleep-schedule to suit the others more than Jongho. "Why are you cooking in the middle of the night? Trying to waste our food?"

"No—" Seonghwa said, having to bite his tongue to keep from saying sir, feeling way too much like he was trying to defend himself before an authority member. He took a calming breath. "No. I'm cooking for everyone. Fish stew and bread. You're allowed to have some, if you want."

"I don't eat that." Jongho said tersely. Seonghwa tried not to take it to heart.

"What do you eat?" He offered quietly. Jongho was silent for a few seconds.

"Why do you want to know?" He eventually asked.

"I figured it might be a good way to apologize to you. For what I did to…to Hongjoong." Seonghwa said. The sillhoutte of Jongho's wings only got bigger.

"I don't want your apology, hunter." Jongho snapped. Seonghwa nodded, stepping back. Jongho didn't seem to recognize the deferral. "Especially when you haven't even had the decency to apologize to him."

"I'm sorry." Seonghwa whispered, unable to say much else. Jongho was right, of course, but Seonghwa didn't know what to do about it. He did feel guilty for what he'd done, especially now that he'd started to come to terms with the fact that Hongjoong and the One-Eyed Shifter were the same, and that he really wasn't the evil monster Seonghwa had spent so long believing he was. It just felt like at this point, no apology would really mean anything.

And upsettingly, a small part of Seonghwa still didn't regret what he'd done. He could never admit it aloud, he could hardly admit it to himself, but he still felt like he'd been justified in attacking Hongjoong. He still felt like a monster who'd killed twelve people couldn't be wholly good, even though he knew he was a hypocrite for thinking it.

"I don't feel bad for you." Jongho said. "If you hope to earn my sympathy, you won't."

"I don't hope to." Seonghwa said, leaning back against the countertop and hunching in on himself. "I know I haven't done anything to deserve it. I know I don't deserve anything from any of you, but your friends have extended kindness to me anyway. I don't think I'll ever be able to wrap my head around that."

Seonghwa watched Jongho shift his weight and let his shoulders drop a little more.

"They're the kindest people I've ever met." Seonghwa said quietly. "You're very lucky to have them. And it's okay if you don't agree with what they've done for me, I don't know that it was right either. I'll try to stay out of your way as much as possible while I'm here, if that makes things easier for you."

Jongho didn't say a word in response, but Seonghwa did watch as he started to slowly take steps closer. His wings stayed flared, and for a moment Seonghwa was scared Jongho would attack him, but he only got to the end of the counter and grabbed the wooden fruit bowl off it. Seonghwa watched as he brought his face closer to it and stared for a few seconds before putting it down and selecting a piece of fruit from the bowl. He looked back at Seonghwa for a moment, took a bite of the fruit, and left. Seonghwa watched him go.

He only realized as he started cooking the soup again that, however indirectly, that was Jongho telling Seonghwa what he ate. He made a small fruit salad as he set the stew to simmer. Trying to conserve as much of each piece of fruit he used as he could, to prove to Jongho he wouldn't be wasteful.

He left the wrapped bowl in the ice box and wrote a small "J" on the top of it in a pen he managed to find buried in one of the kitchen drawers. He hoped if nothing else, Jongho would eat it, even if he hated the gesture itself.

—

The first time Seonghwa left his room on his own during the day to do anything but use the bathroom, it was to cook again. The boys had all been very supportive of his starting to cook, even if he did choose to do it mostly at night or early enough in the morning the sun hadn't risen so that he wouldn't bother Jongho while also not randomly appearing when Hongjoong wanted to avoid him. It was a careful balancing act, but he didn't mind it so long as the waters stayed calm.

Today, though, he had too much of an itch to cook to ignore it until everyone went to bed. And he was allowed out into the house now, even if he didn't use the allowance much. So he guessed it probably couldn't hurt.

If he knew he was going to walk in on what he did, he would have just stayed in the room. But he made it all the way to the edge of the kitchen before he heard San's voice pipe up from inside.

"Hey, Hongjoong?" San asked. Seonghwa stopped just at the entryway, unable to see anyone inside and sure they were unable to see him. "We were thinking maybe we could show Seonghwa out to the garden. At least before the strawberries go out of season."

"No." Hongjoong's voice came back quickly. Seonghwa felt his throat close up. He hadn't heard Hongjoong in weeks now, barely catching glimpses of him when he was in the common areas.

"Come on, Joong. He won't hurt anything." Yunho responded, voice gentle. "We just think maybe it'd be good for him to go out."

"I said no." Hongjoong said sharply.

"Why not?" San asked, voice a little louder.

"Because I'm not giving up anything else." Hongjoong snapped, and Seonghwa felt his shoulders tense. "I've given up my room, my safety, your safety, our food, my sleep and my home and my hobbies and for what? For a person who wanted to kill me not even a month ago? Who doesn't even acknowledge I exist? How much more do you want me to sacrifice?"

It was quiet for a long moment, and Seonghwa could feel an ache in his chest from where he'd been subconsciously holding his breath. Yunho's voice came out quiet. "Hongjoong…"

"I've given him everything else. He can't have the garden." Hongjoong said, voice cracking slightly under the anger and exhaustion wringing him. "Tell him it's my fault if that helps. Just don't…please don't take this from me."

"Hongjoong, we weren't trying to—" San tried, Seonghwa heard footsteps beat against the floor. He caught a glimpse of Hongjoong as he blew past San and made it to the door that lead from the kitchen out into the woods. Seonghwa could still see bandages wrapped around his palms when he opened the door, closing it behind him far too gently for the outburst that had just happened. Nothing like how he slammed the door on Seonghwa. Almost like now, he didn't want to be heard leaving, even as he was watched. San sighed heavily. "Fuck."

"I—" Yunho started, cutting himself off as he paced just in view of the doorway. Seonghwa watched him deflate as he noticed him standing there. "Seonghwa."

Seonghwa stepped over the boundary between the kitchen and the living room, still hugging the corner of the entryway. He felt like his head was on fire. "I've been in Hongjoong's room?"

"He offered. When we first took you in." San explained, fidgeting with a mug he was holding. "He insisted, actually. He wanted to be the one watching over you in case you…did anything when you woke up."

Seonghwa felt his heart sink. Hongjoong had known Seonghwa would hurt whoever he found when he woke up and gave up his room anyway, insisted on it so that none of the others would be hurt in his stead. Seonghwa hated how familiar it felt. How much he could relate to throwing himself at things he didn't want to do because he knew being hurt for them was inevitable and he'd rather suffer than watch someone else be put through it. Maybe Seonghwa's first assessment of Hongjoong was right. They were alike. Far more than he wanted them to be.

Seonghwa had considered the room could be Hongjoong's, but he didn't want to think about it more than he had to after realizing he was the Shifter. He didn't want to confront the fact that he'd tried to kill Hongjoong with pieces of his room. That after he'd been hurt there was nowhere he could even go to rest up alone.

"Where has he been sleeping?" Seonghwa asked. Yunho and San looked between each other in a way that only worried Seonghwa more.

"We think he's been sleeping in Jongho's room some nights. Sometimes he sleeps in mine and Mingi's." Yunho frowned. "But most nights we're pretty sure he's been sleeping in the garden."

Seonghwa dug his nails into his palm. "I could've moved into someone else's room."

"We know. We suggested that." San said, glancing at the back door. "He said he doesn't want it back."

A breath escaped Seonghwa too fast, dragged out of him. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"We didn't think it would be very helpful." Yunho said gently. "For a long time we thought it'd be worse for you knowing, and now…I don't mean this badly, but you already have trouble asking for things, Seonghwa. We were scared you'd start sleeping on the couch so you didn't inconvenience him."

Seonghwa bit his tongue, because Yunho was right. Seonghwa would've done that. He kind of still wanted to do that, even though he knew Hongjoong apparently didn't want his room back. He wasn't sure if he believed that or not. On one hand, it made sense Hongjoong wouldn't want back a room Seonghwa had so thoroughly contaminated with his presence. On the other, Seonghwa had said that kind of thing more than a few times when he was trying to make things easier on the other hunters. They didn't need to think about him missing lunch to help them train because he wasn't hungry, they could have his favored weapon because he needed to get better at other ones anyway, they shouldn't worry about the punishments he was taking because the agency wasn't that hard on him. Hongjoong saying he didn't want a room again rang as the same kind of lie to Seonghwa's sensibilities.

"Speaking of which." San said, coming to gently grab Seonghwa's shoulders. "Please don't let this keep you from coming out on your own again."

Yunho nodded, forcing a more proud expression. Seonghwa couldn't say he took any of it to heart. He might rather stay in the room forever than come out and risk having to face what he'd done again, even though he knew that made him a coward. Just the kind of person Hongjoong thought he was. Content to pretend he didn't exist after doing so much to hurt him. "What did you come out here to do, Seonghwa?"

Seonghwa shrugged. He'd wanted to cook, he knew that, but standing in the kitchen any longer might just cancel out any relaxation he normally got from that. He tried to grasp at any straws. "You said you'd teach me to sew."

Yunho lit up slightly, and Seonghwa let him drag him into the living room and go find some scrap fabric for them to work on. He tried to let it distract him, but his eyes wouldn't stop drifting to the piano in the corner. He hadn't seen or heard anyone use it while he'd been here, and now all he could think about was Hongjoong saying he'd given up his hobbies. Seonghwa was terrified to think that that was one of them, that Hongjoong felt like he'd needed to give it up so Seonghwa couldn't figure that out. Like if he'd known, Seonghwa would've done something to ruin it for him.

Seonghwa's eyes found the vase on top of the closed lid as Yunho tried to explain a stitch to him, and he couldn't help but remember the marigold he'd ruined trying to murder Hongjoong.

For so long, he'd been fine to let this all lie. To let Hongjoong and Jongho by extension hate him, to ignore what he'd done because there seemed to be no real consequences for it and he didn't know how to apologize without it being disingenuous. Now, though, he realized how much hurt he'd really caused. How little he'd really changed despite the way all of the others were treating him like he'd been making big strides. Because he hadn't attacked anyone again? Was that really the line? Seonghwa couldn't believe that. He didn't want to let himself believe that and keep getting away with being cruel.

The thoughts followed him throughout the entire day, never letting him relax. Eventually everyone went to sleep, and Seonghwa dragged himself out of bed and crept down the hall to the front door. Opening it felt like breaking some kind of rule, but they'd all promised he'd never be punished even if he did break any tiny rules they had. Seonghwa had to hope they were telling the truth about that, but even if they weren't, this would be worth it.

Seonghwa stepped out into the night and looked up at the sky, orienting himself by the stars.

It was a skill he'd held onto from his early days at the agency, when they still trained hunters to navigate by the stars instead of relying on maps. Why they'd stopped, Seonghwa didn't know, but in hindsight he thought it might've been because hunters who could only navigate with agency provided materials wouldn't be able to go off mission as easily. He was glad he'd been with the agency for so long, if only because it meant he was able to follow the stars and his knowledge of the woods to get him all the way through the woods and back to civilization.

He only started to regret leaving without telling anyone when the sun began to rise and he was only halfway through his journey. He'd also lost his means of navigating by the stars and was now only able to go on north, east, south, and west and geography. It was obnoxious, but he couldn't turn back now. Not if he wanted to make things right.

So he continued on, even though his legs burned and he could feel the toll the lack of sleep he'd been getting as of late was taking on him. Alongside not having eaten, he knew he'd probably made a poor decision, but he kept moving. He knew where he was going, and it wasn't far into the city at all. If he was lucky, he'd make it back before this new night ended.

—

Seonghwa kept his head low as he navigated the tiny paved streets of the part of the city he was born in, barely wide enough for a cart to fit through. Luckily, few people seemed to be out today, and no one who could possibly recognize him from the agency. Not out here.

He felt relieved when he found what he was looking for, a tiny flower stand on one of the street corners. Seonghwa was almost surprised to find a young girl behind the stand, arranging flowers. He'd been expecting the older woman who'd run it when he was young, who Seonghwa's mother always bought from if there was a flower she wasn't able to find on her own because somehow, they always had them, even out of season. Seonghwa guessed she must've passed while Seonghwa was in the agency, her daughter or a young family friend taking over in her stead.

He swallowed back the nerves and emotion, stepping up to the stand and only then realizing he didn't have any currency on him. He hesitated, rocking back on his heels awkwardly. Where was he meant to get money now?

"Are you just going to stand there?" The woman at the stand asked.

"I don't have any currency." Seonghwa told her, but for some reason, he didn't move.

"What do you need?" She asked, looking a little amused by his nerves.

"Marigolds." Seonghwa blurted out.

"Marigolds." She said, reaching beneath the stand. Seonghwa stepped a little closer, watching as she crouched down and lifted a small curtain that covered the area. He couldn't see what she was doing, but she seemed to be looking for the flowers quite intently. Seonghwa couldn't imagine there were that many in such a tiny space. "What for?"

"I need to apologize to someone." Seonghwa admitted. "I think he likes marigolds."

"Hm, well, not usually a flower you'd use to apologize." She said, a little snarkily. A few seconds later she emerged again, holding a bouquet of orange marigolds. Seonghwa had no idea how they looked so perfect after being stored under a market stand. "But I trust your judgement."

"Okay." Seonghwa said.

"About payment." She said, looking him up and down. Not predatorilly, but like she was trying to glimpse something. She seemed to catch whatever it was in the sweater he was wearing, eyes lingering on a tiny heart sewn onto the shoulder of one of the sleeves. She looked back up at him. "What's his name? The person you need to apologize to?"

"Oh." Seonghwa said, brow furrowing in confusion. "Hongjoong."

"Hongjoong." She repeated, straightening up a little. "Take them."

"What?" Seonghwa asked as she handed him the bouquet. She left her hand on the stems for a moment and Seonghwa watched in wonder as her eyes glittered inhumanly.

"They'll survive the journey." She said with a smile. "Tell San and them they should always send rescues into town in his clothes. It's much easier to recognize you as one of ours."

Seonghwa stared, trying to keep the shock off his face. The woman was a monster, then. Maybe a nymph based on how she procured flowers that shouldn't have been possible to find. Which meant the woman Seonghwa's mother bought from was probably one too. He held the marigolds a little closer to his chest. "Thank you."

"Don't stick around too long." She said, waving him off and going back to boredly looking at her nails. Seonghwa took the hint, stepping back and beginning to walk back the way he came. He wondered how many monsters hid among human society like that. He wondered how many of them owed something to Hongjoong.

He couldn't help but remember how many times he overheard monsters respond to mentions of the One-Eyed Shifter with reverance. Maybe King of Monsters wasn't accurate, but Hongjoong definitely seemed to have made an impact on any he came in contact with.

—

When Seonghwa made it back to the house it was the middle of the night, and Seonghwa took the opportunity to sneak in, put the marigolds in a vase, and leave them on the piano. He'd meant to go straight back to his room but was stopped by clicking again. This time he rcognized it and stepped towards it, finding Jongho using his hand to guide himself down the hall. He stopped once Seonghwa got close enough.

"You're back." Jongho said.

"I had to go get something." Seonghwa said, he couldn't help but notice Jongho's wings weren't any bigger.

"Should have warned someone." Jongho commented briefly. Seonghwa nodded.

"I know." He said. "I wasn't thinking straight."

"San's awake." Jongho told him, landing in front of his bedroom door and knocking at a seemingly random spot on it once. "He's in the forest looking for you."

Seonghwa didn't react verbally, but he felt his mouth go a little dry at the information. Jongho opened the door to his room and slipped inside without another word, and Seonghwa stared after him for a few more seconds before he turned and nearly ran out of the house. He wasn't sure where he was going, or what he even planned on doing, but he darted out into one section of the woods before doubling back again, rinsing and repeating. It felt like running drills, being sent into a random part of the woods and told to find something or someone. There were better ways to do it, but Seonghwa was sure he was running on fumes at this point and all he really wanted was to find San and tell him he could go to sleep. That Seonghwa hadn't run away.

He finally found him after maybe a half hour, almost running into him in the darkness of the woods.

"Seonghwa!" San called, grabbing Seonghwa by the forearms. Seonghwa watched nearly glowing red eyes scan over him, seemingly checking for injuries. "Where were you?"

"I went into town." Seonghwa said, frowning when San only grabbed him tighter. "I just needed to get something."

"Did anyone see you?" San asked.

"I'm human, San." Seonghwa said, drawing away from him gently. "It doesn't matter."

"You should have said something." San said clinging to Seonghwa again. Seonghwa couldn't help but huff a fond laugh at him. "You worried us."

"I know." Seonghwa said, amusement disappearing as he took in just how upset San seemed. "I'm sorry. It was important, though, I promise."

"Next time, you tell someone where you're going." San demanded. "I don't care if you're human, you're an agency deserter, you could still be hurt."

"I understand." Seonghwa said, automatic. San frowned at him and he dropped his gaze. "I—ah, it was…"

"You can go wherever you want, Seonghwa. Any time, even, but leave a note." San said carefully. Seonghwa nodded and was a little surprised when San pulled him forward into a hug. He froze for a second before relaxing. The feeling of San's scales against his cheek where it pressed to his collarbone was strange, but oddly not unpleasant. They were almost soft. "Tired?"

"Yes." Seonghwa whispered. San laughed under his breath.

"Let's get you to bed, then." San said, drawing away just enough to lead Seonghwa. He stayed close, though, their arms linked together. Seonghwa wondered whose comfort that was more for.

In the morning, Seonghwa noticed two things. One, everyone seemed excited he was back and were sure to gently remind him he'd done something reckless, but no one reprimanded him or even demanded to know what he'd been doing. The second, the marigolds were gone from the piano when Yeosang dragged him out for breakfast, and no one even vaguely mentioned them. Hongjoong must have found them, then.

Seonghwa stayed out in the house almost the whole day in hopes of catching him, wanting to see at least some semblance of reaction. He didn't get one, though. Hongjoong never showed. He decided maybe Hongjoong didn't even know the marigolds were from him. Maybe he didn't care.

Seonghwa could be fine with that. He'd find some other way to apologize.

—

Seonghwa waited three more days for Hongjoong to show up again, but he never seemed to. He could tell he wasn't the only one thinking about it any more either, given how he overheard Yunho and Mingi whispering about whether someone should go try and get him.

"He's probably in the garden." Mingi had said. "I could go harvest and find him while I'm there."

"Let him be." Yunho had replied, and then his voice dropped low enough Seonghwa couldn't hear it any more.

It didn't keep Seonghwa from wanting to wait around. He knew something about what he'd done was keeping Hongjoong away. Something about the marigolds or the fact that he was spending all of his time in the house now. Maybe Hongjoong kept trying to come back only to see Seonghwa there and turn away again.

Seonghwa knew if that was the case, he should probably go to his room and wait, but he couldn't get himself to. He was sure if he did he'd miss Hongjoong and miss his chance, and he couldn't bare that. For the last four days he'd barely stopped to think about anything but Hongjoong. He'd rehearsed his apology over and over again enough times he needed to come up with a new one because the first sounded too polished. He wanted to wait it out patiently. He knew Hongjoong didn't even owe him a chance to apologize, but it was eating away at him now. He didn't even know why. The guilt was still there, always, but Seonghwa couldn't tell what else made him want to apologize so much. He was scared he still didn't want to, he just thought this was the next step. He wasn't sure what he'd do if that was the case.

Seonghwa started sleeping in the living room in hopes that Hongjoong coming into the house in the night would wake him, but if Hongjoong ever did show, he was quiet enough not to. Seonghwa almost gave up because of how relentless Hongjoong seemed to be in trying to avoid him, but he forced himself through.

He set up on the couch with a fur blanket over his legs and tried to sew random scraps of fur and fabric that Yunho had given him to practice in an attempt to keep himself awake. It finally paid off when he heard the back door open when the moon was just starting to creep past the top of the window he was staring out of. He stilled, quietly putting the fabric, needle and thread, and blanket to the side and standing. He crept over to the kitchen entryway and peeked in to see Hongjoong looking through the icebox. Seonghwa debated whether or not he should make himself known, if it would be best to let Hongjoong at least get whatever food he was here for before popping out at him, but he didn't get to decide on anything before Hongjoong suddenly rose and turned around, catching Seonghwa in the entryway.

Hongjoong went rigid, staring at Seonghwa. Seonghwa took the opportunity to walk forward, getting within a few feet of Hongjoong before slowly getting to his knees and folding at the waist.

"I know," Seonghwa began, "that this isn't enough, but I'm sorry. For what I've done to you, and to your kind. I'm sorry for what I've accused you of. I wish there was something more I could do, I wish I could change the minds of others for you so you could live more comfortably, and I'm sorry I can't. I wish I could give you the apology you actually deserve."

Hongjoong was silent for a few seconds before Seonghwa heard him sigh. "Get off the floor."

Seonghwa looked up at him, stunned still for a moment. Hongjoong only continued glaring at him impatiently though, so Seonghwa slowly got to his feet, eyes on Hongjoong's frown. After a few seconds of them staring at each other Hongjoong waved a hand and turned, beckoning Seonghwa to follow him.

Seonghwa did without hesitation, letting Hongjoong lead him out the back door and into the woods. He kept his head down as they walked, not knowing what was happening but knowing this feeling in his gut was usually what preceded a punishment. He decided pretty quickly that whatever Hongjoong was going to do to him, though, it was warranted.

Hongjoong stopped them before a strange warping of trees that almost seemed to form a passageway. He turned back to look at Seonghwa. "I know you got me those marigolds."

"I did." Seonghwa said, watching Hongjoong's face carefully.

"You had no right to do that." Hongjoong said, voice getting a little thick. "But I'm not stubborn enough not to recognize an olive branch."

He turned around again and ducked into the space between the warped trees. Seonghwa followed him, eyes going wide when he looked up to see a small clearing full of little garden boxes and artfully overgrown shrubbery. In the center, a pond with waterlilies floating on the surface. Seonghwa felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs.

"Here's my olive branch." Hongjoong said without fanfare, pointing at a tiny garden box at one side of the hollow. "Strawberries there, you're welcome."

"This is your garden." Seonghwa said, watching as Hongjoong started walking away from him towards the pond. Seonghwa forced his feet to follow, steps feeling heavier than normal. "You said you didn't want me in the garden."

"Someone told you that?" Hongjoong asked, stopping to look over his shoulder at Seonghwa.

Seonghwa shook his head. "I overheard."

Hongjoong's face twisted up in discontent but he turned away again, sinking to sit in front of the pond. "I figured it was a good enough way to show I'm willing to let you apologize."

"Why would you do this?" Seonghwa asked, still standing a few feet away, over Hongjoong's shoulder.

"Did I not just say?" Hongjoong huffed.

"But this is it." Seonghwa said, baffled. "You said it yourself. You've given me everything else."

"Why are you trying to fight me?" Hongjoong asked, looking back at Seonghwa again.

"I took your bed and your home." Seonghwa said, unable to stop himself. "I've been horrible to you. Aren't you mad?"

"Of course I'm mad." Hongjoong bit out. His hand curled into a fist where it was against the grass and he pulled it back into his lap, folding in on himself and turning away again. "I lay awake at night thinking about how much I wish I killed you when I had the chance."

"So why don't you?" Seonghwa pressed. Hongjoong fully turned around at that, the expression on his face so completely lost Seonghwa almost found it hysterical.

"What is your problem?" Hongjoong asked, almost breathless with frustration and confusion. "Why do you want me to kill you?"

"I don't." Seonghwa said. "I want to understand why you don't want to kill me. Why you didn't kill me when I was paralyzed."

"Because Wooyoung and Yunho would have probably been mad." Hongjoong said, and Seonghwa didn't buy it for one second.

"Why would that have mattered? Why do you think they wouldn't have just believed you if you said you had to do it in self defense?" Seonghwa said. "Why didn't you try harder to kill me when I attacked you?"

"Why did you go all the way into town to get me marigolds?" Hongjoong volleyed back. "If we're asking questions."

"It was a good way to apologize, if we're answering." Seonghwa said, stepping closer. "Your turn."

"That's not the full answer." Hongjoong accused.

"You haven't even given me half an answer." Seonghwa said, practically leering over Hongjoong now.

"Well, I—" Hongjoong fumbled, cutting himself off a wih an enraged hiss. Seonghwa watched frustration flash across his face and he suddenly tackled Seonghwa's legs. Seonghwa yelped, feeling his back slam into the ground.

He kicked out at where Hongjoong was still wrapped around his legs. Hongjoong released him only to aim for his torso this time, grappling with his arms. Seonghwa grappled with Hongjoong's in return, nearly flipping them over before Hongjoong managed to shift his weight so he was half-straddling Seonghwa. Seonghwa grabbed at Hongjoong's waist to push him off. He managed to knock him to the side only for Hongjoong to snake an arm around Seonghwa's throat and nearly put him in a chokehold. Seonghwa reached backwards and tangled his hand in Hongjoong's hair, pulling it until Hongjoong let him go, turning himself around and trying to sit up only for Hongjoong's hand in the fabric of his shirt to pull him back down.

Seonghwa huffed in frustration. He jabbed his elbow into Hongjoong's stomach and earned a bite to his arm in return. He hissed in pain, propelling himself up and grabbing at Hongjoong's wrist, pinning it next to his head as he got on top of him. Seonghwa watched Hongjoong's eye flash with panic and the sight made him falter enough that Hongjoong was able to hook his leg and flip them, reversing their positions. Something about the ordeal must've tapped Hongjoong out, though, because he released Seonghwa only a second later to roll away.

Seonghwa's breath stuttered in his chest as he stared up at the night sky, blood pumping in his ears but not quite loud enough to drown out Hongjoong's panting where he lay on the grass next to him. Seonghwa grit his teeth in a poor attempt to control his breathing, squeezing his eyes shut and feeling dizzy when stars danced across them when he pried them open again. He glanced over to see Hongjoong pressing the heel of his bandaged hand against his eye, chest rising and falling rapidly. Like the squirrel's on the couch. The thought made him laugh, bursting out of his lungs and using up the last of his breath. He coughed on his next inhale, feeling the air like sand trickling down his throat.

"What's so funny?" Hongjoong wheezed.

"I can't believe you're a squirrel." Seonghwa coughed before he could think better of it. "The most dangerous monster in the continent is a squirrel."

"You aren't that much better." Hongjoong snapped, but it lacked the heat Seonghwa was used to. "I can't believe a Captain of your status lets himself be bossed around by a rookie. Any other hunter I've met would've smacked him by now."

"Wooyoung's hard not to listen to." Seonghwa defended himself, not even really thinking about how Hongjoong must've either been paying attention to their dynamic in order to learn that, or Wooyoung had talked to him about Seonghwa and he'd actually listened. "And I was never a great Captain anyway."

"Seem to have Wooyoung fooled." Hongjoong commented.

"Same way you tricked the boys into thinking you aren't violent." Seonghwa said, echoing himself from their first real conversation. He was surprised to find the smile that accompanied it.

"They're easy to trick. You'd know." Hongjoong said. "You tricked them into thinking the same thing."

"Yeah." Seonghwa said, sobering slightly. His head felt light and he let it loll against the grass until he could see the side of Hongjoong's face in one of his eyes and the stars in the other. He frowned at the thought that Hongjoong couldn't do that. "I don't know how."

"Me neither." Hongjoong whispered. Seonghwa got the sense he was talking about himself and not Seonghwa.

"You're right to hate me." Seonghwa said, swallowing back the taste of copper on his tongue. "I'm exactly what you think I am."

"What would that be?" Hongjoong asked.

"A cruel, murderous hunter who took joy in hurting and killing people of your kind." Seonghwa admitted. He closed his eyes. "Someone who thought you deserved to die in excrutiating pain, and was so scared to admit that he still thought it even after being told he was wrong that he ignored who you really were instead of facing it."

Hongjoong was silent for a couple seconds, and Seonghwa nearly worried he'd said too much. Hongjoong let loose a tiny laugh. "That's a better apology than the bullshit you said in the house."

"Hey! I took a long time thinking of that." Seonghwa said defensively. He opened his eyes again, sitting up and folding his arms under his knees. Hongjoong didn't follow suit, still looking up at the stars.

"But none of it was really honest, was it?" Hongjoong asked. Seonghwa didn't have a good response for that. "What you just said was honest."

"It wasn't an apology." Seonghwa said.

"It was in past tense." Hongjoong hummed. "Maybe I'm wrong, but that's saying you don't think any of those things any more."

"I…don't." Seonghwa said, surprised for a second by how easy the realization came to him.

"And you regret that you did." Hongjoong said, and Seonghwa nodded without having to stop and think about it. Hongjoong lifted his head long enough to see it before letting it drop on the grass again. "Good enough for me."

Seonghwa watched him for a little bit, how his eye lazily jumped between the stars in the sky like he was drawing the constellations in his mind. He looked back towards the pond, the waterlilies. "I thought maybe the marigolds were your waterlilies. That's why I got them for you."

"My waterlilies?" Hongjoong asked, sounding almost on-edge. Seonghwa tried not to think too hard about it.

"At the agency, there's a pond in one of the less-used courtyards." Seonghwa explained, watching the way the white petals of the ones before him reflected the light of the moon. "It's overgrown with waterlilies. It was my favorite place in the agency's walls, I used to go out and look at them whenever I had time. Once, some groundskeeper cut them back."

Seonghwa took a deep breath. "It's silly, but I was devastated. When I attacked you, I killed your marigold. I thought maybe you were just as hurt as I was when I saw the lilies cut back."

Hongjoong was quiet for a second, and Seonghwa turned back in time to see a single tear roll across the top of his cheek, disappearing into his hair just above his ear. "I was."

"So they are your waterlilies." Seonghwa said. Hongjoong shook his head.

"Not quite." Hongjoong said. For a long moment he was silent, and Seonghwa wondered if that was all he'd get to know. After a bit, though, Hongjoong sighed. "The last thing my partner gave me before he starved to death was a marigold he found near our house."

Seonghwa felt his heart still, like even the sound of it against his ribcage would be enough to startle Hongjoong out of saying any more.

"It must've been mistakenly grown by a nymph, because I've never been able to find them growing here again." Hongjoong explained, voice so quiet it almost felt like he didn't even mean for Seonghwa to hear. "I go out every year to get one and I put them in enchanted water a friend of mind gives me to keep them alive until the next year."

Seonghwa had to catch his head in one of his hands to keep it from falling against his knees under the weight of what he'd done. This was so much worse than the gardener cutting back his waterlilies. He didn't even know what to say, only able to stare at Hongjoong's glassy eye and tiny, broken smile.

"You have his eyes." Hongjoong whispered after a moment. "It's so hard to look at you and not see him. I hate that."

Seonghwa had to blink to keep tears from forming in his own eyes, forcing his gaze back to the waterlilies.

Hongjoong's voice came out tight. "I'm not a good person, Seonghwa. I'm exactly who you thought I was."

"Who is that?" Seonghwa whispered, voice barely making it past his lips.

"Someone who kills anyone who he thinks even might hurt the people he loves and calls it justified because he thinks killing people who deserve it makes it selfless. Who tricks people into thinking he isn't just a violent creature at heart." Hongjoong said, voice stronger than Seonghwa's managed to be but still unstable. "A monster."

"You didn't kill me." Seonghwa said, watching a tiny fish swim near the shore only to be scared away by a leaf falling from a nearby tree into the water. "You would have been justified, but you didn't kill me."

"I thought you deserved another chance." Hongjoong said so sincerely it made Seonghwa's head hurt. All this time, all the pain he'd caused, and Hongjoong could still admit something like that. Could still say it and not sound bitter or hopeless. "And you did. The boys love you."

"That doesn't mean I deserve it." Seonghwa said. "If you're selfish, I'm worse."

"Wooyoung told me you'd take on punishments for other hunters, and get yourself in trouble just to spare them. That you'd put them before the case and that was why the agency didn't like you, even though you were one of the best." Hongjoong said. "That isn't selfish. Maybe the agency told you otherwise, but that's what made you a good Captain."

"Then maybe you're a better Captain than I'll ever be." Seonghwa said, turning back to look at Hongjoong, who had at some point sat up. His hands were wrapped around his calves, pulling his knees to his chest absentmindedly. The bandages wrapping around them glowed slightly like the waterlilies. Seonghwa didn't look away from them this time, bearing the sight of what he'd done. He smiled in spite of himself. "You should hear the things other monsters say about you. The boys and any random monster who's asked. Any time the agency would try and torture monsters for information on you, all they'd ever say was that you were the best of them."

Hongjoong's brow furrowed. "The best of them?"

"'I owe him my life,' is something I've heard said by almost any monster who's ever mentioned you." Seonghwa told him, watching the way Hongjoong's eye darted to the ground and to the pond like he was trying to meet anything but Seonghwa's gaze. "Everyone talks about you like you're a hero."

"I'm not a hero." Hongjoong insisted.

"I'm not a good Captain." Seonghwa said.

Hongjoong finally looked back at him, and for the first time, Seonghwa saw a tiny spark in his eye. A twinkle, almost. It reminded him of something he heard a monster being tortured by the agency said, years ago.

"He has the North Star in his eye. Like a compass. I would follow him anywhere."

At the time, Seonghwa had assumed to monster was messing with them, saying random things to throw them off. Now, though, Seonghwa knew exactly what they meant. And it was maybe the most damning piece of information the agency could have possibly gotten, and they'd never know it. They'd spend forever trying to comprehend why monsters revered the One-Eyed Shifter, why all of them seemed to hold him in high regard. All this time it wasn't intimidation or fear or power, it was that Hongjoong cared. Relentlessly and obsessively, at risk of his health and his sanity, Hongjoong cared.

"Sunwoo is buried by the rose bushes." Hongjoong told him. "Wooyoung insisted."

Seonghwa nodded, looking in the direction Hongjoong described. He could see a small wooden grave marker poking out of the grass by the rose bushes. He knew the right thing to do would be to get up and pay his respects, but for now, all Seonghwa could make himself do was lay back against the grass. Sunwoo had always been telling him to sleep more. And the peace it brought Seonghwa to know Sunwoo had been buried at all was enough to soothe his soul.

"Is your partner buried out here, too?" Seonghwa asked. Hongjoong didn't reply for a long moment, and Seonghwa was worried he'd taken one step too far. Broken the boundary he hadn't realized was drawn.

"I don't know." Hongjoong said quietly. "Fairies' bodies only last a couple hours after they die before nature reclaims them. Yunho's never been able to remember exactly where he managed to get his body to before it disappeared, but…"

"But?" Seonghwa asked.

"But he wanted us to put him by the pond." Hongjoong said, letting out a watery laugh. "You'll never guess what his favorite flowers were."

Seonghwa cracked an eye open to see Hongjoong still sitting up, staring out at the waterlilies with tears rolling down his cheek. Seonghwa rolled over so he could see them, looking at the surface of the pond sideways with his cheek pressed into the grass, the delicate flowers looked massive. Seonghwa remembered confiding in one of his fellow hunters once, about how much he liked them.

"Makes sense." The hunter had said, their shoulders pressed together in a way Seonghwa would always claim was just a matter of trying to leech off each other's warmth when they couldn't get to a fireplace. He remembered the way he'd turned to Seonghwa with a teasing smile. "They grow out of the dark water and mud and still emerge pure and beautiful. It's sickeningly hopeful. Of course you'd like some sappy thing like that."

Even now, Seonghwa didn't know that he could really say he'd changed enough to be what everyone seemed to want him to be. He still thought of the agency fondly, still let its rhetoric cling to his brain and sometimes wanted to go back to it. A world where he could completely unlearn all of what he'd been taught seemed like an imaginary one.

But a month ago, a world where he could lie in a garden looking at waterlilies with no obligation to be anywhere else, with a monster sitting peacefully only a pace or two away had seemed imaginary too. And Seonghwa knew things wouldn't be perfect now. Hongjoong still had reasons to distrust and dislike Seonghwa. Seonghwa still looked at him and sometimes only heard the echoing screams of the hunter he'd watched Hongjoong kill. He had no illusions that the both of them were anything close to friends. But maybe one day, Seonghwa could cook him a meal and they could eat it in the same room. Maybe one day, Hongjoong would play piano again when he knew Seonghwa was listening.

Maybe, one day, Hongjoong would look Seonghwa in the eyes without being reminded of his grief, and Seonghwa would look into Hongjoong's and see his humanity.

Seonghwa wasn't a good person. He never would be. But sickeningly hopeful? Seonghwa could let himself be that.