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It is dark when Sean first wakes up, his body demanding a drink. At first he tries to ignore it and go back to sleep, only for need to overwhelm him. Having been using his cloak as a blanket it is easy enough to wrap the warm, thick fabric about himself, and start clawing around, bleary eyed, for his canteen.
Eventually he finds it, far enough away that he has to crawl out of bed. As he drinks he rubs at his eyes, squinting around the camp.
Mia is there, curled up around her pillow instead of resting her head on it. M.O.O.N. sits in a form of "sleep" nearby, the soft pulsing of his sensors proving he will spring to full alertness at the first sign of trouble. 4-
4 is supposed to be nearby, also resting. They must have been recently - the grass is still dented - but there is no sign of the android in question.
"Four?" He tries to keep from waking Mia, but that means his calls are uselessly quiet. "Four?"
The only response is M.O.O.N.'s eyes opening, his friend turning to look at Sean.
"MOON, did you see where 4 went?" Sean asks, once attention is on him.
"No." M.O.O.N. shuffles to sit up more properly, rather than the slump he charges in. "He is a combat android, however; it is likely he has gone on patrol. It would not be unusual, and he will be back before dawn."
Those words do not actually reassure Sean, especially not with the implication that 4 has wandered at night before. Trained as they might be, it is dangerous out there, and if something were to happen they might never know. At least when he 'patrols' in the daytime, everyone is awake and likely to notice a fight, and 4 themself can see any steep ledges.
Worried now, Sean ties his canteen to his belt, and stretches as he forces himself more awake. He needs to find 4, before anything bad happens. Maybe convince them to stop wandering alone at night? Do something, at least. Bring them back to the safety of the fire.
"I'm gonna find him," Sean replies. "Watch Mia while I'm gone?"
"I always watch over her."
Sean quirks a small smile at the almost, almost offended tone in M.O.O.N.'s voice. Any amusement, however, is quickly crushed as he remembers the problem.
Right. Wandering android.
At first, Sean tries to look around for a direction; given what M.O.O.N. said, and just the programming that a combat android must have, they have likely left a trail from their pacing. Guarding. Whatever it would be called. Footprints in the mud, or some damaged shrubbery, or snapped twigs on the floor.
As he looks, however, Sean finds no evidence of that. Just... Nothing.
4's gun is even still resting against a tent.
And that is when Sean panics. If 4 were patrolling, he would have taken his gun. Any other option is objectively worse - what if 4 left, what if 4 was taken, what if 4 received new orders by radio wave and was forced to return to a master who is killing them - Sean searches around the camp. He checks where they collected water, and firewood, and even where 4 was trying to teach him and Mia to shoot his gun; 4 is nowhere to be found.
A wider circle is needed, then. Sean has to scramble through some bushes, and then some others, and then-
There, in a crack in a cliff face, he spots a red glow.
Sean fixates on it as he scrambles over rocks and bracken, making his way to the crack. Closer up, he can see it is more a cave than a crack, easier enough to enter, and opening out inside. The whole cave is illuminated by a somewhat intimidating red light, one which Sean uses to peer into the din.
Rocks, sone, rubble, and there, hidden away, is 4. Curled in the furthest, smallest corner of the cave, blending in with the rock thanks to the dim light. Only the light of his bright red eyes really proves his presence, and then the light reflects off of the rest just well enough for Sean to see. Their eyes are turned on, and their light level stable; even if 4 is hurt, the damage is not critical.
Sean nearly collapses to his knees in relief. He does manage to hold himself up, but only by bending double as he pants from his frantic run. Between the adrenaline and catching his breath it takes him a moment to form words, and even longer to process more than the sight.
"4," he breathes. "Thank the stars you're okay; I was so worried."
4 does not move.
Dread crashes back in; 4 is often quiet, but rarely unresponsive.
"... 4?" Sean inches closer, cautious now, taking step by careful step. "4, are you okay?"
4's speaker is crackling and squeaking quietly, as though a signal outside of its proper pitches has been sent. Their body is rigid, immobile even by their usual standards, and every part of them screams something very scared. Very fearful. Very... human.
No.
Very defective.
Sean pushes away thoughts of potential success, and of what that means; right now 4 is suffering. The weird vocal glitches could be crying or screaming or whimpers, but Sean is certain that they mean nothing good. Maybe it is just that having emotions is itself overwhelming - Mia and Sean both struggle with that, so to suddenly be hit with them must be even worse - though something in Sean's gut warns him otherwise.
"I know its scary." Sean puts his weight on his knees, shuffles close, tries to remember how to be gentle instead of abrasive. "But it's just feelings. It will pass and you will be okay."
That... seems to do nothing. Sean pauses, reassesses. He vaguely remembers someone once telling him that for a baby everything they experience is the worst thing that has ever happened, so of course they cry. Applying that principle to an android...
Well, when Mia is overwhelmed, Sean or M.O.O.N. sit with her and guide her breathing and let her know that she is not alone. For Sean it is similar, except that Mia also wraps herself around him and refuses to let go. The second even he realises is a bit dangerous - touching a scared soldier seems a stupid way to die - but maybe the first has potential. Sean cannot leave 4 to suffer alone - he would never forgive himself - and so he will try his best to help.
"It's okay, I need you to just..." wait, no, breathing might work for Mia, but not for 4 does not breathe. What is similar, what else can he try... "Just count with me. Join in when you can, okay?"
"One. Two. Three. Four." Sean keeps his counting slow and even, keeps his trembling from reaching his voice. "Five. Six. Se-"
4 flinches, curling harder and tighter. Sean can see the tension running through worn metal, and is briefly impressed by the strength of 4's hydraulics before remembering the situation at hand.
Whatever is wrong, counting is making it worse.
But if 4 cannot breathe, and counting makes it worse, what more can Sean possibly do?! He has to do something. Maybe... Maybe... Just talk and keep talking; Sean has a lot of practice at that.
"4?" He keeps trying to be gentle, but Sean is the scorching burst to his sister's softer glow. "4, you're okay. It's all... you're safe, I'm here. I know it must be really scary and overwhelming right now, but it's okay, you're okay, I'm right here..."
Sean continues for a few moments, worrying to himself. He and Mia have desperately wanted for 4 to defect, but was that truly the kind thing to do? Sean has to believe that it was, that it is better to know fear than to know nothing at all, but faced with an android in such deep, deep distress, it feels hard to justify. From what Sean has seen, 4 likely is not even free of their directives, yet, all research indicating that defection is a complex process, sometimes instant but most often long. Have they done nothing but damn 4 to returning to the battlefield, but now with a capability to feel pain?
Sean hopes not.
He prays not.
He could not live with himself, if that becomes true.
He reminds himself that this is good, that 4 may be hurting but if the poor android cannot fully defect before they reach their rendezvous then they are dead. And being dead fixes nothing. Dying a puppet must be worse, right? It must be worst than crying? You cannot ever be happy again, if you are dead. It stops the pain, but gives you no more chances. And it hurts other people. That is what M.O.O.N. always says.
And so Sean keeps trying to calm 4 down, shifting from reassurances to discussing the ethical dilemmas found in each form of rulership. His rambles are themselves tinted by panic, a fallback on recitation to at least try and keep noise, give something for 4 to ground themself with, he doesn't know what he's doing, but if he just-
A small sound, but a change. It sounded... like words? Compared to the earlier distortion, at least, the noise 4 makes sounds intentional. Sean can find the shape of words, but not the meaning within them.
"4?" Sean's distress, his inability to help, is leaking through. "What did you say."
"They're dead." Another crackle - another attempt to sob - and a voice so broken it may as well be dead. "They're all... dead..."
"Who?" Sean asks, before he remembers that prodding at a wound will just make it worse. "No, wait; its okay. You're safe. Mia and MOON and I will look after you. We won't let anyone hurt you."
"They killed them," 4 sounds utterly heartbroken as they say the words, and guilt for making someone suffer tightens Sean's throat again. "What? Why- Why did they kill them? I love them, I love them, they are my friends, and I didn't know. I didn't know I loved them. And now they're dead. They killed them. I- I killed them. No, it was them. It was me. It was... they're dead. They're dead, I- They- I- It was me. I killed them. They made me do it. But I killed them and I loved them and I didn't know!"
... But what use is Sean being guilty about letting 4 feel this, when the real crime is the situation they were placed in at all? They can help. They have to help. For 4. For every android like them.
M.O.O.N. had said that 4 was a combat android, but had Sean even thought about what that meant? About what it means 4 must have done? They stamp on the glimmer of hope such an emotional outburst inspires, and stamps on their guilt for causing it to. Sean is needed. Sean has to help. Sean cannot leave someone to suffer like this, especially not alone. He cannot be distracted by other thoughts, he needs to get closer, to offer comfort, to help.
"It wasn't your fault." Sean assures, not knowing the crimes, but being more than aware about how code works. "You couldn't feel. You couldn't refuse. Whoever gave the orders? It was their faults, not yours."
"But they're dead," 4 continues to sob back. "They're dead, and I- It was me- I- My hands-"
4 is staring at their hands, some robotic form of shock having overtaken them. Sean gives up on waiting; he scoots closer still, and places his hands over 4's own. Holding them, squeezing them. Like he did for 4 when they first met, when the android was injured in the bushes; Sean holds 4's hands, covering whatever they are seeing, and wills with all his might that things will turn out okay.
"It wasn't your fault." Sean tells them again. "You didn't want to hurt them. You were made to."
"I hurt them. I loved them and I hurt them."
"They would forgive you."
4 shakes their head, a very human sort of dismissal and a very robotic sort of fear.
"They would," Sean keeps insisting. "If they loved you to, they would understand. You had no choice."
"But I hurt them." 4's voice pitches and breaks, but with neither breath nor tears the android can never cry. "They couldn't love me. I couldn't love them. But I do. I love them, I loved them, and I killed them."
"They were androids too?"
A sharp nod.
Alright. So the they couldn't love 4 is probably true, but the rest of it could still be. 4 clearly is not letting go of this, so talking about it it is. Examining the wound. You cannot fix what you do not understand.
"Tell me what happened?" he asks, instead of backing away again.
"The enemy. 0, 1, 2, 5, 8, 9 were killed by them. Then they took me. Reprogrammed me. They told me to kill 3, 6, 7, 10. Then there was me. There is only me."
... Shit. Sean did not think of what counting might mean, when 4's identity is tied up in a number. It is done now, though; Sean shuffles closer, holds 4's hands a little tighter.
If Sean had been forced to kill Mia and M.O.O.N., what would comfort him? He would be destroyed, broken. He would not live long after that, not if he had any say in the matter. Nothing, nothing in the world could save him, but maybe...
"Did you know all androids go to heaven?" He asks, absolutely certain in his words; he has done plenty of philosophy, and concluded that even defective androids are still bound by enough code to never truly be evil, and that even controlled ones have souls.
4's eyes flicker off and then back on, a mimicry of a confused blink.
The question has, at least, broken 4's tears.
"They do!" Sean nods as he confirms his own words, scooting a little closer still. "Your friends? They're safe now. They're happy now. And- And they're waiting for you. When you die they'll be right there waiting for you. And they'll prove that I'm right. That they do forgive you, and they've been happy but they missed you. So don't worry. They made you kill them, but you saved them too. Made sure they could never be hurt again. Got them somewhere they could learn happiness, and they would never have to hurt or be hurt again."
"I betrayed them. I hurt them. I don't-"
"It was not your fault. It is not your fault. Only the humans who forced you to do this." Sean squeezes 4's hands hard, even if he knows the android cannot feel it he is desperate to stop the tears, desperate for 4 to understand. "They would be proud. They are proud, so, so proud that you managed to keep fighting, to realise you love them, and so happy to be remembered. I- I'm sure of it. Certain. They are in heaven, and they can love you, now. They do love you, now that they can, just like you love them. They are safe and they are free and they would want you to live and be so, so happy."
4's eyes are fixated on Sean's hands. The metal of their body shudders with grief and horror, one Sean cannot comprehend. He has to be here. He needs to help.
He will never abandon someone who needs him, no matter how hard helping always seems.
"It's okay to take a moment," Sean switches, now trying to soothe again. "We have so, so many moments, right? Its such a long way to West Nest, so you have plenty of time to learn."
There is a part of Sean - a huge part - that hopes 4's defection is one of the fast ones, that hearing the name of the city they have been ordered to will trigger a response, a request to run far, far from his masters instead of continuing to seek them. 4, however, seems oblivious to that - or even their own need to run, or of the link between their current suffering and the orders given. That city is still their goal, then. 4 might be able to feel, but in the worst case scenario is still bound to their orders. Sean's heart skips beats, calculating how long they have to free them; with M.O.O.N., they have been failing to truly free him for years.
For 4, they have three weeks, maybe four if the weather is truly awful.
It is not enough time.
They do not have enough time.
Sean has damned 4. Unless there comes a miracle, unless the code breaks soon, Sean has damned 4 to be forced to fight, and to feel every moment of it.
4 slumps sideways, falling onto Sean's chest, and Sean panics shifts again - did the emotions overload something? Sometimes, he has heard, defecting, stress, intense emotions can overload an android's chips. Causing permanent damage, sometimes even death, as connections are fried. If its a chip, if its that sort of hurt- but, no, it is something more... human than that. 4 flops to the side, twisting a little until the rust-pitted husk of their forehead plate rests on Sean's shoulder. 4 still trembles; Sean pushes his own failures aside, and desperately tries to think of more ways to help.
They tucked themself away somewhere small and dark. Is that... comforting? Sean cannot really make the cave smaller and darker, but it is warm enough that he does not strictly need his cloak. The hood is even loose enough that he could probably pull it over 4's eyes...
A plan in mind, Sean pulls his hands from 4's. A distorted whine comes the defecting android. He settles a hand against 4's back, hoping it will reassure them, while his other scrabbles around to unlatch his cloak. Once it is free, he swoops the dark fabric around 4, leaving it unfastened but pulling the hood down and over 4's unsettlingly red eyes. He looks at his work, and finds 4 clinging to the hem like a safety blanket; it worked, then. Probably. Sean finally did something right.
Driven to do more, Sean adjusts his own position. He wraps his other arm around, shuffling until he is hugging 4, the android's weight still heavy on his shoulder. Like Mia does for him, when he panics too much to continue.
"You'll be okay." Sean promises 4 with everything in his heart. "Nobody's angry. It wasn't your fault. Your friends will understand, I promise you. It's going to be okay. You just... You just keep leaning on me, and on Mia; we'll make sure that you're okay. It's going to hurt, what they did to you will always hurt, but... you will be okay. Okay? We're going to help you."
If he has to kill 4's owner himself... Sean is not sure he can do it, but if it comes to it... If it means protecting a grieving, hurting, broken friend? Sean will give it his very best attempt.