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“There are only two things I want in life-- to be hot, and to be evil. Just when I think I’ve finally achieved both, this stupid quiz tells me that I belong in a house that values stupid sappy shit like "friendship" and "bravery"!? I can’t fucking believe this. I'm suing.”
“If it makes you feel any better, Penny received the same result,” Simon says from where he's standing beside me. I'm sitting down, glaring at my laptop screen, wondering if there's a spell I can use to change my results. (Doubtful.)
"That doesn't make me feel better at all. Bunce is a ninny."
“I heard that!” A voice shouts from somewhere deep inside the apartment.
"Good!" I yell, deciding to take my frustration out on my boyfriend's best friend. "Come at me!"
"I would, but the Sword of Godric Gryffindor would probably materialize right in your hand."
I scowl, crossing my arms. There's no way I'm a fucking Gryffindor. I'd rather die than not be in Slytherin. I grumble unhappily. I bet I'd get a different result if I made another account and did it again. Yes, I should do that. I move forward in my seat to do just that when Simon comes up from behind me, and starts rubbing the back of my neck. His hands are warm and soft, instantly relieving the tension in my body. Simon's touch always leads to the beginning of my undoing. He places little kisses up my neck, making me give in to the desire to melt. Once it feels like my bones have turned to jelly, he wraps his arms around my shoulders, pressing his cheek against mine.
“I’m still a bit upset,” I pout, nuzzling my head against his. “I look so good in green. Plus, I already bought, like, seven Slytherin hoodies.”
“Oh, I know. I’ve worn six of them to sleep.”
I pull away to look at him, my eyebrows furrowed. “What did you do with the seventh one?”
He winks. “Extracurricular activities for when you’re away or busy.”
I roll my eyes. Simon leans down to bite my ear and I turn red from head to toe when a moan unwittingly escapes my lips. I grab him by the back of his neck and kiss him, my stomach fluttering with pleasure. He pulls me closer, hands cupping my face. I can barely breathe through my nose with the way he's overwhelming my senses.
Simon pulls away first. (He can’t breathe through his nose because he’s a mouth-breather. ) And I can’t stop myself from running my lips all over his face, paying particular attention to the moles on his cheek and the one under his eye.
"Do you want to show me what exactly you mean by extracurricular activities?" I whisper.
Simon bites his lip and nods frantically.
We stumble towards his bedroom and do something that not only distracts me, but also makes me forget about the whole sorting debacle completely.
One hour later, I'm sated and completely naked, my gorgeous and very much alive boyfriend in the same state next to me.
“Ten points to Hufflepuff,” I sigh happily, snuggling into his naked chest.
He laughs, his fingers stroking up the knobs of my spine and making me shudder. “You’ll always be a Slytherin to me, Baz.”
I kiss the mole on his neck and smile. “Babe, I think that might just be the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me.”