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Louis Tomlinson’s Quest for Happiness (ft Harry Styles)

In which Louis is sad and Harry is the photography major who frequents the bus stop.

They say that a mid life crisis hits you in well, your mid life. Louis Tomlinson begs to disagree with that. At 22 years old, Louis is certain that he is in the middle of his own mid life crisis; it just came a bit early that’s all, he’s sure fate has made mistakes like that before.  See, Louis is sad. He’s sad when he wakes up in the mornings, he’s sad when he gets to uni and he’s sad every night he goes out clubbing with Liam and Niall because well he’s just sad. There’s no reason for it really; no terrible family tragedy, no traumatizing past. He’s just Louis Tomlinson; former class clown, the kid who got picked first for every footy game and now, the sad man living in a gray little apartment in urban London.

Mornings are usually the worst for Louis; waking up being one of the main reasons.

“Wake up Louis! Wake up!”

“Shut up Liam.”

“Wake up Louis! Wake up!”

“I said shut up Liam, how many-”

“Wake up Louis! Wake up!”

“Oh.”

Louis groaned as he flopped to the side and quickly clicked off his alarm. See, Louis’ mornings usually started with a chipper phone call from Liam himself, but after  more than one ”incident” (which involved Louis throwing a cursing fit, that Liam really didn’t appreciate thank you very much) Mr. Payne had decided that setting an alarm would be much more effective. And effective it was. The only problem was that Liam decided to call every morning after the alarm went off, to see if his little plan worked out.

“Louis? Hey, did the alarm work?”

“Yes Liam. I tell you that every morning.” Louis muttered as he rubbed his head and walked into the bathroom.

“Good! Well, when are you getting to uni? You know, we do have that thesis due next Tuesday, have you started-”

“That’s after-coffee talk Liam. Bye. Thanks for the wakeup.” Louis clicked off the phone and prepared for a shower, the only high point in his dreary morning. The water was ice cold when he stepped in, just the way he liked it. Sometimes Louis wished he could stay in his little cubicle shower forever, until he realized that oh, eventually his landlord would shut off his water and oh he actually has to get out and make a future for himself. Sigh.

 After a good long shower, that lasted a little too long but hey, it was cloudy out give him a break, Louis stepped out and began to prepare himself for the day, just like he did every single morning.  Pants: left leg then right. Shirt: black or white? Black. Hair- Now hair was the issue. Louis never really knew what to do with his hair. It just flopped onto his face as emotionless as him, and really most days he just left it like that, no matter how many times Niall pleaded him to do a quiff because Really Lou! You have a quiff-worthy face! Louis sighed as he stared at his face. There was nothing special there. Just Louis with his sad little blue eyes and his sad little mouth that always seemed to frown. With another sigh Louis just slipped on his black framed glasses and walked out.  Coffee awaits.

The smell of coffee always brightened up Louis’ day.  But the taste of it definitely did not. See, Louis is a tea person and a tea person who drinks coffee every morning like an addiction is quite unusual. Louis stared longingly at his stacks and stacks of Yorkshire tea compacted into his little cupboards. If only he could actually make tea. Sure he’s added water to the tea bags and hoped for the best but unfortunately, the tea never actually turned out tasting as good as his mum’s.

After staring mournfully at his pile of tea once more, Louis proceeded to leave his little apartment, book bag in hand, thermos of coffee in the other and a black tweed jacket tightly wrapped around him. His stomach growled with hunger as he slowly walked down the chipped tile steps out of his building and in response Louis took another huge sip of his coffee. Louis isn’t much of a breakfast person either. That is mostly due to the fact that he is incapable of working a stove, and that oh most of his meals consist of instant raman. And, of course, he’s lazy.  No matter how many times Niall has told him that “breakfast is the most important meal of the day Lou, come on!” Louis just cannot bring himself to grab a piece of bread on his way out. He’s quite stubborn you see.

The bus stop is as empty as it always is when Louis arrives. After plopping himself down on a small plastic seat, Louis began to pour over his Psychology textbook because really, he might as well use his time well. His intense analyzing of “common human behavior” was suddenly interrupted by a flash and Louis started as he looked up, squinting as he came face to face with the lens of a camera.

“Hello there! Sorry about that chap!” A cheery voice from behind the camera lens stated, a little sheepish.

“Um, did you just take a picture of me?” Louis asked slowly, still unable to see Mr. Camera Guy’s face hidden behind his, well, camera.

“Well yea, you’re kind of beautiful you see, and I’ve taken it onto myself to take pictures of every beautiful thing I come across today,” said Mr. Mysterious Camera Guy as he finally moved his camera down from his face and oh.

“Oh.”

“I just called you beautiful and you say ‘oh’? Well ok then,” remarked Mr. Mysterious Camera Guy who is now Mr. Camera Guy with the curly brown hair and green eyes and the raspy laugh and oh.

“I’m Harry Styles by the way, photography major and guy who takes creepy pictures of people while they’re busy studying and getting somewhere in life,” said Mr. Harry Styles as he stuck out a hand and smiled and oh he had dimples.

“Louis, Louis Tomlinson. Guy at bus stop who is busy studying and getting somewhere in life.” Louis said softly as he took Harry Styles’ hand and there definitely were not sparks because Louis definitely wasn’t a teenage girl dammit.

“Cool, hello there Louis. So are you taking the 402? I think it’s going to be late this morning.” Harry Styles commented as he plopped down onto the seat beside Louis.

“Oh.”  Damn it Louis can you stop being your sad little self for one moment and at least attempt to be interesting? “Uh, and how would you know?” Louis stammered, after his little mental reprimand.

“I spend quite a bit of time at the bus stop, actually. You could say it’s a second home to me, kind of.” Harry grinned, staring intently down at his camera.

“Er..That’s cool?” Louis attempted, his eyes already wandering to his phone where the time clearly stated that yes, his bus the 402 definitely was late. “You were right, anyway. My bus is late.”

“I’m not a hobo or anything, I swear! And of course, I’m always right.” Harry added cheekily, even going as far as to send a wink in Louis’ direction. The latter shifted a bit.

“Uh well I guess I’ll catch this bus, then. Er, see you…Harry,” Louis hesitantly approached the oncoming bus and sighed because this wasn’t his bus and Louis didn’t like when things went off of his morning schedule. Except for maybe Harry Styles. Maybe.

  “I’ll see you too Louis! Don’t worry; I won’t put your picture on a porn website or anything. I’m trustworthy!” Harry cried as Louis stepped onto the bus stairs. As it pulled away, Louis smiled slightly. How strange.

x

“I met a boy at the bus stop today. It was strange.” Louis nodded to Liam who sat up, his eyes widening in interest.

“Really? Was he nice?” Liam inquired, a small smile already filling up his face. His doe eyes lit up as Louis told him the Tale of Harry Styles, and really Louis was quite jealous of the small little things that could make the boy so happy.

“That’s great Lou, but seriously you can’t let people take pictures of you like that ok, stranger danger.” Liam reprimanded and Louis rolled his eyes because stranger danger. Honestly.

“He’s right you know, Louis. Stranger danger.” A voice chuckled beside him, as Niall sat down next to the two. “Why do you guys hang out at the computer lab of all places, it’s so quiet.”

“Exactly. It’s quiet.” Liam intervened, sending the blonde boy a meaningful look.

Niall chuckled. “Alright, alright I know how glad you are to see me. Anyways, where are we off to tonight lads? Stalking a certain photographer tonight?”

“I think I’ll stay home tonight actually. Have fun, you two.” Louis said, piling up his books that were strewn over the wooden table the three were seated at. He tried to ignore the look his friends had just shared.

“Come on Lou. It’ll be fun! How long has it been since we’ve had a fun night out, huh? Hit a club or something?” Niall tried cautiously, while Liam shifted beside him.

“We hit a club every night Niall. You two go on.” Louis said firmly, swinging his bag around his shoulders.

“But you never have any fun.” Liam sighed and it was as if the room had gone silent, but not really.

“Yes I do.”

“No, you know you don’t.” And then the three were just staring at each other, two and a half best friends because half of Louis just seemed to be missing.

Louis sighed. “Honestly guys, I do have fun. Really. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And then Louis was gone, leaving the two staring at each other.

“What even happened to him Niall?”

“I don’t bloody know.”

x

It was a quiet night in at the Tomlinson residence, and that was terrible, really because quiet nights in just made Louis think and when Louis thought, nothing seemed alright.

He sat on his armchair, his living room brightened by the mindless show playing on the telly and he thought. He thought about his life, his family, his friends, and wondered why they all put up with him. He was just Louis; why did they even care? He was going nowhere. He had everything; a home, family, friends and yet, why wasn’t he happy? Why did nothing seem to matter?  His mind was a dangerous place at the moment and Louis just couldn’t escape.

With a quick gulp, Louis scooted over to his laptop and tapped it on. Distractions were what he did best. He sighed as the bright Google page came up, and with a little hesitation, he typed in ‘Harry Styles photography’.

Louis was directed to a university portfolio page and with a quick scan, he found Harry’s pictures. Some were simple, of flowers, of the sky. Others, Louis was confused by; black and white shots of tires, of restroom signs, even a careful shot of a bus stop chair. He just didn’t get it. Harry Styles was strange. And then, there were others; beautiful photos of people; their edges blurred and soft, others seeming to be alive on Louis’ bright laptop screen. Then, Louis found himself. He was reading, his head tilted down slightly, his glasses slipping down just a tad. He looked like himself, only different and Louis stared. Harry Styles was strange.

x

“Wake up Louis! Wake up!”

“Damn it..”

“Wake up Louis! Wake-” But Louis had already turned off the alarm and was waiting, bleary eyed, for Liam’s confirmation call. It didn’t come.

Louis did not care for these calls, but it was a habit and now, it was as if his life couldn’t go on without hearing Liam’s chipper voice before coffee. Louis dialed the boy’s number. This just would not do.

“Hello?” Liam answered, his voice seemingly muffled from sleep.

“Liam, its Louis. You didn’t call me after my alarm. What, wild night at the club?” It was at moments like these that Louis admired his own bluntness.

“Oh, is it that late already?” Liam’s voice seemed to rise with panic, and Louis could imagine the boy jumping up from bed, already on his way to the bathroom. “And no, not really. I had a few drinks and I met a boy and we talked. For a while. Look, can I call you in a few minutes? I’m late.” And then the line went dead and Louis called Niall because ‘I met a boy.’

“Why are you calling me so early Lou, what the hell?” Louis rolled his eyes. “We have uni Niall, get up already. And also, I need information. On Liam’s boy.”

“What? Oh right. That was last night. I had a lot to drink; I met a nice bloke too.” Niall yawned.

“What is going on here. Start from the beginning.”

“I’ll call you later, let me get ready alright?” And then the line went dead and Louis was sitting on his bed and he had just gotten hung up on twice and that just wasn’t right.

x

The bus stop was not empty when Louis finally arrived, croissant in hand, because his morning routine had changed and it only seemed fair to get something worthwhile out of it. Anyways, the bus stop was not empty, but was in fact occupied by a certain Harry Styles.

“Hey, Louis. You have a croissant.” Harry nodded, before submerging himself into his camera once more.

“Yeah. Hi.” Louis responded, taking a seat and tucking into his croissant. He really should get breakfast more often. His before bus wait was more silent than the day before, with Harry seemingly in another dimension with his camera, and Louis munching on his croissant and pondering about Liam and Niall’s boys. It was to be expected of course; Harry and Louis were practically strangers. There was no expectation to make idle small talk with strangers.

“Your 402 is here.” Harry said suddenly, his face still down, eyes trained.

“Oh, uh thanks. See you, Harry.” Louis responded, book bag already ion hand as he walked slowly to his bus, which indeed, had arrived.

“See you Louis.” And with that, Harry poked his head up and shot Louis a quick grin with dimples and really, Louis thought, Harry Styles was quite strange.

x

“Liam.” Louis nodded as he quietly set his books on the table where Liam was presently seated.

“Louis.” Liam nodded back; eyes already back on his textbook.

“Niall.” Niall added solemnly as he arrived and shot them all a grin. “You really should have been there last night, Lou. It was quite fun.”

“Sure.” Louis shuffled his books uncomfortably. “So, about your boy Liam. And yours, Niall.”

“Well, I don’t kiss and tell but-” Niall started with a grin, before being elbowed by Liam. “There was no kissing Louis, honestly. We just met a couple of blokes and had a few drinks.”

“If they were just a couple of drunken buddies, you wouldn’t have mentioned them first thing in the morning, Liam come on. If I’m being replaced, I need to know now so I can let Stan know-” Louis began dramatically, because he had a croissant this morning and he was feeling quite light hearted ok.

Liam sighed, (a bit dramatically but hey Louis was feeling light hearted so he wouldn’t comment) “His name was Zayn. We just talked. He’s cool.”

“They were practically snogging by the end of the night, trust me.” Niall inserted, grinning at Liam who just shot him an unimpressed look.

“Shut up, Niall. I didn’t even get his number, ok.”

“So you were thinking of getting his number-”

“Can we move on please-”

“Niall, tell me about your boy. I had no idea you were bi-curious, are Liam and I rubbing off on you?” Louis interrupted, saving Liam, because he could be a freaking super hero if he wanted to ok, Liam owed him.

“Nah man, he’s just a buddy. Harry something or another. What a drinker!” Niall chuckled.

“Hey wasn’t that bus buddy of yours named Harry too?” Liam commented and Louis rolled his eyes because bus buddy. Honestly.

“Yea. Harry’s becoming such a common name. It should be restricted to Princes only.” Louis drawled, pulling his Phych book out because his light hearted mood was becoming quite the less light hearted suddenly and reading was a distraction.

“Hmm.” Liam hummed and their conversation was over, Liam and Louis bent over their textbooks and Niall tapping away on his phone and this was just how their friendship was. Half-assed but precious all the same.

x

Harry was alone at the bus stop, at 12AM, and this may seem strange but it really wasn’t. Sure, there was always the chance of getting attacked, or mobbed or killed, who knows, but Harry wasn’t afraid because well, he just wasn’t. He was immersed in a certain photo he had taken of a barista a few hours prior, her lightly died pink hair falling out of her ponytail just slightly, a slight rosiness to her cheeks because it had been a busy day, Harry could just tell. He had snapped the picture quickly and the barista had smiled when he’d shown her and that’s why Harry loved what he did. He loved capturing people’s essences when he took a portrait, he liked gauging their reactions, whether it be an “Oh my god, delete that quick!” or a “Wow, my hair is looking rather good today, isn’t it?” because Harry liked people and people liked Harry.

Sighing, Harry finally got up from his seat on the plastic chair and began to walk, the streetlights around him giving the gray London streets a slight yellow tinge. It was shady and shifty and frankly quite frightening, and Harry quickened his pace just a tad bit because really he wasn’t asking to be mobbed. He tucked his camera tighter into its little black case because that camera was the most important thing in Harry’s life and he would sacrifice himself before he gave it up to some mobster. Harry is quite passionate.

The eerie silence of the London Street was broken suddenly, by the loud sound of bass and the sounds of many, many people. Harry was approaching a club, its lights still flashing brightly and music at its peak because for club goers, the night had only just begun. Harry would have gladly joined in on the fun, merge with the crowds and become one with the music. He would feel the bass all the way to his heart and drink until the world became perfect, a paradise. He would meet other drunken friends, have a few rounds and spill his heart and soul out and forget it in the morning. Except, of course, that Harry had done this all the night prior. He and Zayn had gone out because “Haz you literally have no life outside of that goddamn camera come on” and Harry hadn’t argued. The night had been great, the world had become paradise and he had even met a nice Irish bloke whose name Harry really couldn’t remember because so many drinks.  Zayn had met a nice puppy dog of a person and everything had been nice and pretty.  But now, of course, Harry had his camera with him and he definitely would not risk losing it in the piles of coats and handbags and other who knows whats. Also, Zayn was waiting at home and Harry liked Zayn.

As Harry approached his little brick walled apartment complex, the night had turned calm again, the only sounds wind chimes, chiming gently as a slight wind picked up. Harry took the stairs twice at a time, arriving at his doorway in record time, sliding his key into the rusty doorknob and stepping in.

“I’m home.” Harry called out to Zayn because even if he was sleeping, Harry liked to call out to someone because then the dark flat didn’t seem so empty.

“In here. You stayed out today, went to a club or something?” Zayn called back, and Harry followed the sound of his voice and entered their dimly lit kitchen, where Zayn sat nursing a nice little mug of coffee.

“Nah yesterday was plenty enough. I was as at the bus stop; is there anything to eat?”  Harry dropped his camera onto the table where Zayn was seated and began  to rummage around in their cupboards which were filled with food, but not made food and Harry really wasn’t in the mood to whip up some spaghetti bolognaise right at that moment.  “Why don’t we have any frozen food? Frozen food is the best food; you just have to heat it up.”

“Why do you stay out at that goddamn bus stop so late? You’ll get mobbed one of these days, I swear.” Zayn responded, pointedly ignoring Harry’s frozen food comment because he wasn’t the one to go grocery shopping this week ok.

“Shut up and make me food.” Harry said, and Zayn rolled his eyes but began to make some cereal because it was Harry and Zayn quite liked Harry. Most of the time.

 “So Zayn, how’s it going with Mr. Puppy Dog whats-his-name?” Zayn didn’t like Harry.

“Shut up, I’m making you food.”

“You’re making me cereal, that doesn’t’ count. And what, is this a touchy subject? Does Zayn have a little crush? Do you want to talk about it while we paint each other’s nails?” Harry mocked because it was Zayn and Zayn didn’t mind being mocked. Usually.

“Fuck off Styles.”

“Ok, ok I get it, touchy subject, I just want my cereal.” Harry chuckled as Zayn threw his nice little bowl of cereal in front of him and landed huffily in his chair. “Oh, by the way Zayn, you have a little bit of eyeliner from yesterday still on, I’m no expert but that can’t be healthy-”

Harry went to bed that night with a bruised arm and a grin on his face.

x

Mornings in the Styles-Malik residence were calm. Harry was always awake before Zayn, because he liked seeing his flat filled with the first rays of sun in the day, or submerged in cloudy disarray. Harry was a morning person. Naturally.

“Had enough beauty sleep?” Harry winked as Zayn walked into the kitchen, hair a little mussed from sleep, but otherwise looking practically flawless. Zayn was a descendent from some ancient Greek god, Harry was sure, because that boy was fine. This was partly why Harry’s camera memory was filled with the boy, his dark hair and complexion taking over most of Harry’s photography portfolio. 

Zayn hummed something in response because Zayn just wasn’t a morning person, no matter how much Harry tried to rub off on him. With a flourish, Harry set down a nice plate of grits and eggs and coffee in front of him because Harry was an absolute angel.

With a wave Harry was out the door, camera already up to his face because it had rained the night before and the world was stuck in a limbo, as if indecisive whether to let a small drizzle come down or just remain cloudy and uptight, stubbornly refusing to let any water fall. Meanwhile, London was speckled with dew and everything shone and Harry quite liked days like this.

x

Louis was tired. Since he had been oh so very light hearted yesterday, he had agreed to ‘have some fun’ at a seedy club the night before and Louis quite hated himself for that at the moment. The night had been anything but fun. Liam had spent the majority of the night with hopeful, searching eyes and Louis had felt pity on the boy and had sat with him for most of the outing. Niall had disappeared within moments of arriving because he was a fucking social butterfly and Louis had been left to deal with Liam’s ‘I’m absolutely not heartbroken Lou, come off it” eyes. Later on and after a few more drinks, Louis had planted himself in the middle of the dance floor and became a whirlwind, dancing with everyone in sight because distraction. Louis liked to think of himself as a happy drunk, he really did, but he, Liam and Niall knew the truth. If he was a happy drunk, Louis was pretty sure he’d have become an alcoholic long ago.

Louis’ morning was robotic, his stomach filled with nothing but coffee and his hair hidden pathetically beneath a pale orange beanie because remnants of Niall’s quiffing gel still remained and Louis quite hated Niall’s quiffing gel. When Louis arrived at the bus stop, Harry was present, kneeling on the sidewalk as he focused his camera on the leg of the bus stop chair.

“Hi there Louis. I’m taking a picture of a caterpillar, look.” Louis did look, and there was indeed a little furry caterpillar on the chair leg.

“It’s small.” Louis commented and he was right, the caterpillar was small.

“It’s furry too.” Harry responded, and then the caterpillar was in Harry’s hand and Louis resisted squealing because it was furry.

“What are you doing Harry?” Louis took a few careful steps away from Harry because he once had a worm thrown at him and definitely did not want to go through that again. Then again, Harry didn’t seem like the caterpillar throwing type. You never know.

“I’m taking it home with me.” Harry stated, cupping the caterpillar in his hand and dropping a few leaves from a nearby bush into it. “He’s going to be the star of my new portfolio.”

“Oh.”

“Do you know anything about taking care of caterpillars Louis?” Harry said suddenly, swinging his black camera bag around his shoulders and cupping the caterpillar safely in his large hands.

“Not really.”

“I don’t really know either. Would you like to help me?” And Louis stomach was suddenly filled with butterflies and that had nothing to do with Harry’s offer. Really, it just had to do with the caterpillar. Yeah. Caterpillars and butterflies. Yeah.

“Um.” Harry was staring at the caterpillar as if it was the second coming of someone great and Louis had class and Harry could easily be a caterpillar loving lunatic who could stab him to death and Louis couldn’t believe he was even considering this, Liam would be mortified and-

“Come on, Louis. You never know, it could make you happy.” And that comment from Harry was enough. It was aloof; he didn’t know about Louis gray life and sadness;  to Harry, it was just a word. But Louis wanted it. He wanted happiness. Even if it was happiness in the form of a curly haired fellow and a furry caterpillar.

“Ok.”

I

Harry wasn’t very sure why he had invited the boy at the bus stop to help him care for his little caterpillar and he was even more unsure as to why he had accepted. Louis seemed shy and quiet and for some odd reason he didn’t seem to smile all that much. But he intrigued Harry; his hair hidden quite endearingly under a worn orange beanie and a face that was hesitant but so innocently beautiful. He had caught Harry’s attention the day he had photographed him; Louis Tomlinson was a mystery and Harry quite like liked mysteries.

At the moment, the two were trekking to Harry’s apartment in silence; Harry staring intently at the caterpillar and Louis just seeming confused as to why he had accepted the curly headed boy’s invitation.

“Oi, you’re not a serial killer are you? Did I just invite a serial killer to my house to help me care for my caterpillar?” Harry turned to Louis and sent him a charming smile, just in case. He was doing it for his mother, really.

“Nope. I’m just helping you care for your caterpillar.” Louis responded simply, and Harry stilled for a moment because Louis had sent him a small smile and Louis really should smile more often. Louis should grow old and have laugh lines and everyone around him should assume that he lived a wonderful youth with lots of laughs because Louis’ face was a face where a smile should always be present, Harry was sure.

“Harry! You’re going to drop Fred!” Harry was thrown out of his imagining of Louis’ future as the boy shouted at him and Harry had only a second to ponder who the hell Fred was before he looked down and saw that he had almost uncupped his hands and his caterpillar was about to fall.

“That was close.” Harry sighed and really it was quite close and he had just saved a caterpillar’s life, he was a hero. “Fred?”

Louis blushed and Harry resisted grinning cheekily at him because he was a nice guy ok. “Um, I just sort of named your caterpillar Fred. Because he’s furry. You know, furry Fred. I got tired of calling him ‘the caterpillar’ so. You can change it if you like, make him ‘Harry the Second’ or something, I don’t know.”

Harry laughed out loud, one of his loud and raspy laughs that made people stare but hey, Louis was a funny kid. “Nah, Fred is good. Furry Fred the caterpillar. I like it.”

“Did I just christen your caterpillar Harry?”

“I think you did Louis.”

x

Louis felt strange. Maybe it was the guilt of skipping class to take care of a caterpillar or maybe it was Liam’s disapproving look that he was most likely going to have to face tonight, Louis wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he felt strange and Harry Styles was strange but he was also quite fascinating. Harry distracted Louis.

“Are we there yet?” Louis asked for about the fourth time because his empty stomach was becoming apparent and all this exercise definitely did not help.

“One more block.” Harry responded and now he was trying to take one handed photographs of Fred the Caterpillar and it all looked rather dangerous to Louis. “Would you mind holding him? I want to get a nice shot, the lighting is great, sun just came out.”

And this put Louis in an awkward situation because Fred was furry and Louis was a man and this really shouldn’t be this hard but. “Ok.”

Louis spent the rest of the walk to Harry’s with a furry caterpillar in his hands and maybe it wasn’t so gross after all.

“Ok here we are. I have a roommate, Zayn, but I don’t know if he’s in or not, but don’t worry he’s cool. Well not really, but he’s bearable.” Harry explained as he took the stairs to his apartment two at a time, all while taking shots of Fred still in Louis’ hands.

Zayn. Zayn. Zayn. The name rang a bell in Louis’ mind for some odd reason and he really could not remember why but Zayn the Roommate had some significance in Louis’ life.

“Welcome to Shangri-La.” Harry announced as he led Louis into his flat, where Louis’ mouth dropped wide open because there was Spiderman in Harry’s apartment.

“You have Spiderman in your apartment.” Louis noted and it took him a moment to realize that it wasn’t actually Spiderman but a statue and if asked, Louis would deny his disappointment for the lack of Andrew Garfield in the vicinity.

Harry chuckled. “It’s Zayn’s. He had a superhero phase and now everyone thinks we’re hiding Andrew Garfield in our apartment.”

“My friend Liam likes superheroes too.” And then something clicked in Louis’ head just as an Adonis of a man walked into the vicinity.

“What are you doing back mate-” The boy, Zayn, started before crossing his arms and staring at Louis. “And who’s this?”

“You’re Zayn.” Louis started, his eyes widening as he stared between Harry and Zayn. “And you’re Harry. You’re Harry and Zayn.”

The two boys shared an uncomfortable look. Harry seemed to begin to regret his instantaneous decision to invite a stranger to his house. “Louis, mate, yeah I’m Harry, and that’s Zayn. What’s going on?”

“I know you! Well not really, but I know you.” Louis exclaimed and he really wasn’t making a great first impression but hey he had just discovered the secrets of the universe. “You know my friends!”

It was Harry’s turn to widen his eyes. “Liam. Wasn’t that Mr. Puppy-Dog’s name? Whoa. Connections.”

Zayn still looked confused and Louis felt quite bad for the boy as Harry began to laugh raucously. “London’s actually kind of small innit? Zayn, this is Louis I met him at the bus stop. He’s here to help me take care of my caterpillar, furry Fred. He knows Liam, aka puppy dog, from the night before! Cool, right?” Louis thought he summarized that up quite nicely.

“Um. Cool? Uh, good to meet you Louis. I’ve got to head out but tell Liam…hi?” Zayn shook Louis’ hand tentatively, and rushed out of the apartment, though not before sending Harry a look that plainly said ‘we’ll talk about this later you little fucker.’

“Well this is hilarious.” Harry grinned as he took a seat on his worn couch and began to flip through his camera roll. “You’ve got nice hands Louis.”

“I’m aware.” Louis responded dryly. “Uh, so where should I put Fred?” It wasn’t that Louis didn’t enjoy holding a furry caterpillar in his hands but really. Also, his phone had begun to vibrate and Louis didn’t want to make the choice of answering a life or death related text message or killing a caterpillar. Louis lived a hard life.

“Oh right. Here, pass him over to me.” Harry muttered, not taking a moment to lift his gaze from his camera. Harry was passionate, Louis decided.

10:14AM

Liam P.

hey lou u weren’t at class today what’s going on? r u ok?

Louis tried to hide his grin, really, but having Liam Payne as a best friend really was a blessing..

nah Liam I’m ok I was feeling kinda under the weather nbd. I’m at a friend’s house dw.

Liam responded almost instantaneously and he was a dork but adorable.

ok mate call me up later yeah?

“What’re you smiling at Louis?” Harry chuckled and Louis flinched as he looked up and he did have a grin on his face and darn you Liam Payne.

“Just texting a friend. Liam, actually.”  Harry chuckled again in response.  “ Yeah? I only talked to him for a few moments actually, but your mate, the Irish one? Yeah him, Niall was a blast.”

Louis smiled at Harry and he wasn’t glowing in pride at his friends oh no he wasn’t. “Er, so how are we going to do this? Where’s Fred going to live?”

 “Can you search up how to take care of a caterpillar on your phone Louis? I’ll go find a box for Fred.”

Harry retreated into his kitchen and Louis praised Niall silently for convincing him to take the slightly more expensive, unlimited data included, cell phone package. “I’m on wikihow! This looks promising. Um, listen up?” Louis mentally slapped himself on the head. Why was he so awkward.

“I’m all ears!”

“Uh ok. A caterpillar is a really easy pet to keep. They’re fun and easy to take care of-”

“Hear that Fred? You’re fun.”

Louis grinned slightly. What was he even doing. “First step. Find a home for the caterpillar. A jar or a Tupperware container should do.”

“Got it! Look Fred, your new home!”

“Second step. Put a lid on and make sure there are a lot of air holes so Fred can breathe. Harry, why is there even an article on this, what are we doing.”

“This is some serious stuff Louis, get back to work.” Harry chuckled from the kitchen and Louis followed his voice and ignored the warmth in his chest because for once he wasn’t thinking and this was fun and what was Louis doing.

“I’m not sure I appreciate your tone. I volunteered to help, you know.” And was Louis actually joking with the kid from the bus stop? Louis gulped.

“I assure you Louis; I do very much appreciate all your hard work. Now, if you’ll continue please, I’m done poking the holes.” Harry grinned as he showed off the lid of an old pickle jar, now littered with holes.

“Er, right. Next, make the base. Fill it with dirt, twigs, leaves etc. Oh and put a huge twig in there so Fred can make his cocoon.” Louis stared as Harry leaped from his seat at the kitchen table and bounded towards a window plant box. From there, Harry scooped a pile of dirt with his free hand and piled a few small twigs and leaves into it.

“It’s Zayn’s. He’s a tree hugger of sorts.” Harry responded as he bounced back to his seat, one hand filled with dirt, and the other filled with a furry caterpillar. Harry very carefully set the dirt down onto the jar’s base and began to set the leaves and twigs up, doing it all with extreme precision. Harry Styles was extremely passionate, Louis decided.

“Ok now it says to put food in it, like clovers and leaves and such. And to remember to replace it once Fred’s done eating it. Now, we can put Fred in, and put the jar near a window so he isn’t too isolated. So yeah. That’s it.” Louis gulped again. That was quick. Far too quick for Louis’ liking really. Now he had to go home and sit and think and Harry Styles was such a good distraction.

“Well that was fun! Thanks for your help, Louis. I couldn’t have done it without you. I’m sure Fred will live a long and prosperous life thanks to your skillful WikiHow reading.” Harry winked at Louis and Louis felt so warm.

“Hey, no problem mate. I’ll just be lea-”

“Do you wanna stay for a while? We could watch some telly and drink tea or something. I can make lunch actually, as a thank you?” Harry looked at him with an easy smile and he almost looked earnest and Louis mentally kicked himself as he grinned and nodded. Harry Styles was nice, Louis decided. And he could also make tea; that was always a plus.

x

Harry was glad that he had invited Louis to stay for lunch. Fred was all set up next to Zayn’s plant box and Louis was set up on the couch watching some football because they were men and Harry felt quite comfortable.

“Are fajitas ok?” Harry called out from his vantage point in the kitchen, from where he could see Louis turn and send him a small smile. Harry’s knees did not go weak, they did not. “Yeah no problem. Should I trust your cooking skills to not poison me Styles?”

The two made easy banter, Louis a lot smilier and happier than when they had first arrived. Harry quite liked this Louis, though he would often go back to silence, as if he was thinking deeply about something in the back of his head. At those moments, Louis’ smile would drop from his face and his eyes no longer shined as bright and Harry really didn’t like those moments.

“So, any comments? Any compliments to the chef?” Harry asked earnestly, hoping to sound aloof and care free, in an attempt to really hide his actual yearn for an answer. Louis had just gone quiet while he was chewing his fajita and Harry terribly wanted Louis’ eyes to light up again.

It worked, and Harry mentally high fived himself. “Yeah definitely, very good. Though it could use a bit more salt to be painfully honest.” Louis laughed teasingly and why were the two so comfortable? Louis seemed to contemplate that as well as he stopped laughing and began to chew his fajita thoughtfully.

“So Fifa it is, then?”

The rest of their afternoon was spent in front if the telly, controllers in hand and it was care free and light and Harry enjoyed it. At one point, Louis’ orange beanie fell from his head, revealing his fringe which stuck up in various places due to some gel and Harry found it absolutely endearing.

The two made conversation, talking about Harry’s family and life and hobbies and Zayn. Louis was less enthusiastic as he talked about his own life, his voice going slightly emotionless and any remains of his previous smile completely wiped from his face. He lit up a bit, though, as he spoke of Liam and Niall, and his large family. Louis was a mystery, Harry thought.

“Say, Louis, this is a weird question alright? But, why don’t you smile more? You really should.” And then Louis face went slack and Harry mentally slapped himself because that had sounded a lot better in his head. He barely knew Louis and he had asked him why he didn’t smile what was he doing.

“Er. Sorry mate. That was kind of random, really. You don’t have to answer. Would you like a beer or something?” Harry rushed the words out and stared as Louis face twisted from blankness to thoughtfulness and Harry practically flew out of the room after a confirming nod from Louis’ direction. Harry thanked his stars that Louis hadn’t gotten up and fled right then and there. When he returned, two beers in tow, Louis had his beanie back on his head and was staring at the floor. Harry couldn’t fathom why his stomach suddenly filled up with absolute guilt because he had just asked a simple question, really.

“Er, thanks. Um, you know what I might actually get going now, I just-” Louis began.

“I- yeah, ok er, thanks?” Harry responded and Harry hated tension he really did. His new friend was practically fleeing from him and ok maybe that was just partially Harry’s fault but really-

“You know what? No. I’m going to answer your question.” Louis stated resolutely and Harry was broken out of his inner monologue as he stared at Louis’ pale but determined face. He vaguely questioned why Louis was making such a big deal out of this really, he could have responded with a sarcastic remark or just not responded at all and what was going on.

“I, uh, don’t really know why I’m answering you really, but like no one’s ever asked me that, so.” Louis started, staring down at the floor and Harry really just wanted to lift his face up so he could stare at his eyes but that would be weird. “Um, it’s not that I don’t smile but, I don’t know, I’m kind of sad? That sounds so stupid I know but like I have no reason to be. There’s nothing wrong with my life but like there’s nothing right with it either? I’m just kind of living and sometimes that just hits me with full force and I feel sort of empty and meaningless and yeah. I, uh, am going to leave now ok, I don’t know why I just told you all that I need a therapist ok sorry-” Louis rushed out and Harry just stared at him because whoa. That was sort of very unexpected and something just stirred in Harry and he chose the path he always chooses. The simplest way out.

“Hey Louis, wait. I have a solution. It’s simple really. Just become happy!”

x

Louis felt like an absolute fucking idiot actually. He had just poured his heart and soul and whatever else was inside of him to a partial stranger named Harry Styles. It had all just come out after Harry had asked him the question so very innocently, and Louis had just wanted to answer him. What came out probably just scared the hell out of Harry since Louis was a fucking nutjob and all he knew was that he had to get out of Harry’s apartment when

“Hey Louis, wait. I have a solution. It’s simple really. Just become happy!” And Harry was just staring at him as if he hadn’t just spilled out his soul to him and

“What?”

“Sorry, sit down, come on. But I meant what I said. The best way to not be sad, is to be happy, so be happy!”

“Harry this isn’t some fucking joke ok what the f-” Louis just stared at Harry because if ‘be happy!’ was the best advice Harry could give then Louis was a fucking joke to him.

“What no, Louis no that’s not what I meant. Really. Sit down? Please?” And Harry’s eyes had gone wide and his voice had gone frantic and what was Louis even doing here.

“You know what, I don’t even know you, I don’t know why I just told you those things but just forget it ok? I’ll just see you around.” Louis began his trek to the door and it was hard to turn his back on a pleading Harry Styles but apparently his curly hair and green eyes were just a façade to his hide his evil devilishness inside. Louis was dramatic.

“Louis please wait! Really, just listen? I just want to help, please?” Harry grabbed hold of Louis arm and how could he not turn around.

“Ok, what. If this is just some way to make fun of me then-” Harry just shook his head around frantically and gave him a small smile as Louis rolled his eyes and followed him back to the couch.

“Look, I don’t really know what you’re going through. But, I’m a photographer. I like seeing people smile and I like seeing you smile Louis. So, I want you to be happy. So you’ll smile more. Basically.” Louis felt warm suddenly and no he was supposed to be furious not warm.

“That’s-that’s kind of weird Harry.” Louis sighed and resisted the urge to smile because Harry was grinning now in apparent relief that Louis was no longer an angry mess.

“I know. But I’m weird. But I want you to smile and you want to be happy right? I mean you can’t be completely happy, like no one can, but you can’t be completely sad either. So there’s hope. So all you have to do is want to be happy yourself Louis. Do things that make you happy.”

“Did you go to a self help seminar lately Harry?” Louis sighed because that line sounded awfully like some infomercial he had seen the other day.

“Maybe.” Harry winked and smiled and ugh. “Think about it?”

“Er, fine? I’ll try to resolute myself to be happy? Ok?” And it really wasn’t that simple if it was that simple Louis would be a ray of sunshine right now but Harry looked hopeful. “So yeah, I really should be going now but yeah. Thanks?”

“No problem Louis. Also, sorry? For being weird, yea? See you around.” Harry smiled as he led him to the door, past Fred and Spiderman and Harry smiled a lot, Louis decided.

“Bye.”

x

“He told me to be happy Niall. Like ok, thanks Harry since you said that I’ll just be happy ok wow thanks.” Louis complained and he knew that he sounded like a self centered bastard but the day had been eventful.

Niall just chuckled. “Aight, I understand that parts kind of weird, yeah? But whoa I still can’t get over the fact that your Harry is my Harry! And Zayn and Liam and whoa.” Louis rolled his eyes.

“But seriously Lou. What he said makes sense sort of. Like yeah, it’s weird, but you should try. Just try to be happy. Do things like going to the club every night or something.”

“That’s what makes you happy Niall.”

“Whatever man, but I think you should do it. Kind of like a quest. Your quest for happiness or something.” Niall grinned as if he had just found the title for a new Shakespearean gem.

“A quest, huh? I’ll pass.”

On his way home from the bar, Louis pondered. It could have been the alcohol inside Niall talking but. A quest. Interesting.

x

“I told him to be happy Zayn like what the hell was I thinking?” Harry sighed dramatically as he slammed his head down onto their dining room table. He had not spilled all of Louis secrets to Zayn and had just generalized everything because he was fucking loyal.

Zayn sighed. “Ok that’s weird but you’re weird Haz, so. He’ll get over it and if not, you’ll never see each other again. Just take a different bus stop. Simple.”

“Zayn I don’t want to not see him again! He’s my friend. He’s cool and I want to continue our friendship.” Harry complained because Zayn was not helpful not at all.

“He seems like a right weirdo to me Harry.” Zayn shrugged taking a sip of his coffee because Harry wanted him to shift from smoking to coffee and he said that he would try.

“That’s just because he knows Liam ok Zayn, whatever. I know it’s awkward with that one night stand and all but-”

“He was not a one night stand ok, leave it alone. I don’t even remember his name.”

“Its Liam.”

“Shut up.”

x

3:37am

hey liam guess what harry knows zayn. zayn from the other night rem.?

3:40 am Liam P.

its 3 am Louis what

3:41am

zayn

3:42am Liam P.

Oh

x

Louis decided that he would try. It was a weekend and he had been laying in bed for practically the whole day thinking and the tear marks on his cheeks made him feel pathetic and for once he wanted to do something about it. Louis decided to make a list.

“Louis’ list of happy things”

“things that once made Louis happy ha ha”

“fuck you harry styles”      

“List.”

Louis settled on “list”. He made it to six points before he gave up.

List

• Football
• Family
• Liam and niall
• Liam
• Niall
• Harry
• Fred
• Music
• Clubs
• people

Louis was disappointed in himself.

x

“I made a list.” Louis eyes were down and he was thrusting a piece of crinkled paper towards Harry and ok.

“Ok. Hi Louis, come in.” And Harry didn’t know how Louis remembered  the way to his flat but he liked it and he liked Louis but he did not like how Louis eyes were slightly red so he decided to do something about it.

“Erm yeah, I don’t know why I came here but you gave me the idea and I said I’d pursue it and Niall told me to go for it so. Yeah. I tried? Its lame, I didn’t know what to write.” Louis rushed out and he still didn’t look at Harry and his cheeks were red and he looked so embarrassed and Harry wanted to ruffle his hair.

“So it’s a list of stuff that makes you happy? Ok cool, I’ll read it.” As Harry read through he smiled and frowned and oh.

“Is that my name crossed out?”

“No of course not, it’s another Harry.”

“You know another Harry?”

“Yeah, it’s a common name you know.”

“Ok.”

Something about Louis’ list made Harry’s heart hurt. He wanted to help Louis and take pictures of him and make him smile and ruffle his hair some more.

“I’ll help you.”

“What?”

“I’ll help you be happy. Let’s start with football.”

II

“I fucking suck at football.” Harry groaned because he really did fucking suck.

“You’re not that bad Harry, just try.” Louis shouted as he flew past Harry, the ball in line with his quick feet. Louis felt alive and he didn’t know why he hadn’t played football in so long. It made him feel like he was flying and having someone to play with made him feel warm. Even if it was Harry. Who kind of fucking sucked.

“Slow down Louis, damn it!” Harry shouted, before sprinting to one side of the park and returning with his camera and snapping pictures of the ball and Louis and the park.

‘Don’t be lazy Harry, come on!” And Louis was giggling and happy and high on life. Louis mentally kicked himself for even thinking “high on life”.

“Oh why, look who’s here!” Harry suddenly shouted with glee. Louis stopped for a moment to turn and see Liam and Niall walking quickly towards them.

“What are you guys doing here?” Louis shouted, bewildered.

“We got a text. Harry, mate good to see you again!”  Niall yelled as he and Harry shared a quick hug. “This is Liam, say hi Liam.”

“Hey Harry.” Liam said hesitantly, looking over his shoulder, as if being in Harry’s presence meant Zayn had the possibility to pop out from behind some tree.

Louis sprinted to join them and grinned. “Care to join us? I’m whooping Harry’s ass so he could use all the help he could get.” Louis decidedly ignored the look his two friends shared.

“Of course Tommo! Let’s team up!” Niall grinned, giving Louis’ back a quick clap.

“Wait a moment guys, I asked someone else to join us too. Oh, here he comes.” Harry smiled coyly and the other three quickly turned to see a black haired individual all wrapped up in a tweed coat sauntering toward them. Liam stiffened.

“Zayn, my man, so glad you could join us! Just playing a friendly game of footy with the pals. You know Niall, Louis and Liam right?” Harry winked with a smirk on his face and Zayn looked absolutely murderous and Louis and Niall absolutely loved it.

“Zayn, mate, you can be with L-” Harry started, but quickly changed tactics as Zayn took a threatening step towards him. “With Louis. Yeah, he’s pretty good. Amazing, actually. Liam and Niall can be a team and I’ll sit on the side and commentate ok, go!”

The boys scattered, Harry sitting comfortably on the grass as he took photos. As the sun began to set the boys left one by one; Niall giving everyone friendly smiles and claps on the backs and Louis sending Harry a quick smile that did not make Harry blush and even Liam and Zayn managed a hand shake.

Harry looked back on the photos later that night; photos of Louis swiftly shooting goals at a distracted Niall, Zayn sulking, Liam being a star athlete much to the distaste of everyone else and most importantly, a certain photograph of Louis grinning at the camera.

Harry gulped as he received a text from Louis a few seconds later.

2:40am LouisTomlinson

Hey harry, today was really great. Thanks.

x

“ Louis, how could you? Yesterday was possibly the most single handedly embarrassing day of my life.” And it was 7AM and Louis had uni and Liam chose that exact moment to become dramatic.

Instead of the usual ‘hey Louis did the alarm work” call, Louis was greeted with a less than friendly accusation from Liam. It wasn’t exactly bringing his day to a grand start.

“Listen Liam, I didn’t do anything. Zayn just happened to show up and since Harry and I are friends it’s only proper that you’ll run into him one way or another. So really, you have two options.” Louis ran his hand through his hair and yawned.

“And what would those be?”

“Either move on from this weird thing you two have going on or fuck him. Basically.” Louis made the slow walk to the bathroom and turned on his cold shower.

“Ok.”

Louis smiled as Liam clicked off his phone. Just another day in the exciting life of Louis Tomlinson.

x

Harry proved to be a prominent blip on Louis’ life; always at the bus stop with a smile and his camera, and Louis’ couldn’t help but smile back which made his Daily Smile Count go up by +1. Which was an improvement. Louis would smile and Harry would snap a photo and Louis would scowl and Harry would laugh and it was a cycle and a cycle Louis quite liked, for once.

“So Louis.”

“Yes, Harry?”

“Have you taken it upon yourself to continue this so called ‘quest’?”

“Damn it, Niall told you didn’t he?”

“Never trust an Irishman”

“Well isn’t that a tad bit stereotypical of you, Styles? I’m disapointyed in you.”

“I formally apologize to all the Irish men whom I have just offended.”

Louis rolled his eyes. His bus stop waits were continuingly less uneventful. Mostly due to, of course, the presence of one Mr. Harry Styles beside him. Currently, the boy was headlong into some riddle game on his iphone, his wild curls pulled back nicely in a crude bandana.

“Why don’t you just play Candy Crush like most of society Harry?” Louis smirked as Harry threw up his hands in success as he completed another level on his strange riddle game.

“I have to uphold my hipster status in some way don’t I Louis?” Harry winked; his gaze back down to his game just as Louis’ bus pulled up. “Hey, you want to come visit Fred today? Bring Liam and Niall too. It can be a right party.”

“Sure. Just make sure Zayn’s not there or Liam might have an aneurism.” Louis chuckled as Harry looked up and grinned.

“Don’t count on it.”

Louis did not blush he did not.

III

“Sorry Harry, it’s just me; Niall and Liam had plans and what not.”

Harry smiled. Louis stood at his door, head held down, sopping umbrella in hand, from what appeared to be a sudden downpour. London weather was a health hazard.

 “No problem Lou, I guess we’re just stuck together, Zayn’s not here either. You’re a bit wet, eh?” And Harry pretended to ignore Louis’ surprised glance at his nickname because Harry just gave nicknames to people ok it was his thing.

“You know how London weather is, mate.” Louis looked at a loss of words as he gently laid his sopping umbrella to the ground and trodded awkwardly inside. Harry didn’t miss his little wave to the Spiderman statue and Harry didn’t want to kiss him right then and there he did not. And Harry mentally kicked himself for thinking kiss when they barely got to hug and they were friends damn it.

“Let’s see Fred then. Has he grown?” Louis hugged himself for warmth as he tread towards the kitchen and Harry mentally kicked himself again because idiot.

“Er, no I don’t think so, he looks the same to me, to be honest. Uh, Louis, do you want to borrow some clothes? You look kind of cold?” And Louis shook out the sopping sleeves of his worn sweater and smiled tentatively at him.

“Thanks, I’d appreciate that, actually.” Harry all but leaped out of the room in haste, already in search for the smallest pair of clothes he owned because Harry was a mess of long limbs and torso and length and Louis was nice and petite and put together. He returned to the living room with a nice warm jumper Gemma gave him a few Christmases ago and an old pair of track pants.

“Thanks, really.” Louis greeted as Harry returned, Fred already in his hands. He was seemingly over the overall furriness. Louis was quick in slipping off his damp clothes, jumping into Harry’s slightly longer ones hastily.

“Now that’s adorable. Mind if I get a shot for the Christmas cards?” Harry all but giggled as Louis spun around to face him, sleeves and legs all bunched up at his wrists and ankles.

“Don’t you dare touch that camera Harry Styles, do you understand me?” Louis scowled and adorable, adorable, adorable. “But this jumper really is comfy.”

“Gemma got it for me a while back. Doesn’t fit me anymore, so..” Harry trailed off, avidly trying to avoid expressing Louis’ overall smallness.

“Gemma, your sister; really great, beautiful and currently at uni. Am I right?” Louis recited, grinning, painfully smug.

“That you are, Lou, you’ve got the works to be the next Einstein, you do.” Harry responded with a smirk and he didn’t know when their innocent banter turned into flirting but it worked.

x

“Let’s have a slumber party.”  Harry announced, and where did this boy get his ideas, Louis did not know.

“We both have uni tomorrow Harry. And I don’t sleep over on the first date.” And Louis flushed because that was out of the blue and forward and they had been bantering playfully for the past hour and Louis had just gotten comfortable.

But Harry just laughed his large raspy laugh. “You’re already in my clothes though, Lou. I’d say that we’re past the sleepover part to be honest. But seriously, I hear thunder outside and I refuse to let you go home in this madness. Liam would report me.”

“It’s still light out, Harold.”

“So what. Everyone loves slumber parties. We can make hot cocoa and do each other’s nails and watch chick flicks and bother Zayn. Come on Louis.” Harry was begging and Louis rolled his eyes because he was worse than Niall, honestly.

“Skip the chick flicks and the nails and I’m in. Also, maybe add a shot of whiskey to the hot cocoa to seal the deal, you know?” Harry grinned and Louis didn’t know what the fuck he was doing.

“Right then, I’ll get the pillows. Open the door for Zayn will you, he always forgets his keys.” Harry’s eyes lit up as he leapt out of the living room, leaving just as a knock resounded from the front door.

“Um.” And Louis was painfully awkward and he barely knew Zayn and what the fuck was he doing. But Harry asked him to open the door and he wasn’t fucking whipped, he was not. “Er, hello Zayn.”

Zayn was standing mid knock as Louis opened the door, his hair quiffed up nicely (though a little saggy from the weather, but hey, Louis was not here to judge) , his face partly hidden by a large pair of glasses Louis was sure Zayn didn’t actually need. “Uh, hey Louis? What are you doing here? And why are you in Harry’s clothes? Um, are you guys, like, should I come back later or-”

Louis flushed again and he wasn’t a teenage girl damn it. ‘What, oh no, um we’re being PG 13 today, er, Harry wanted to have a slumber party?” And Zayn looked even more confused and damn Louis knew he should have made a better first impression on him ugh.

“Hey Zayn, don’t bother us.” Harry chorused as he wandered back into the living room, his arms filled with pillows and a rather large comforter.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Harry.” Zayn smirked, before sending Louis a quick glance. “Good luck. You’ll need it.”

“Shut up Zayn.” Harry crowed as Zayn quickly maneuvered himself to his room and Louis smiled and decided that Harry made him smile too much.

x

They were playing monopoly.

“Who the fuck still plays monopoly. Why the fuck do we even have monopoly. And why are there no credit cards, this is horrid.” Harry was a whiner, Louis noticed.

“Because, Harry, I quite like monopoly, Zayn has great taste in games, and the credit card game is a fucking disgrace.” Louis replied, just as Harry’s silver bowler hat rolled onto Boardwalk.

“Ha! Styles, pay up, you’re on my property. Come on now, don’t be stingy.” Louis cheered as Harry scowled and promptly flipped over the playing board.

“Oops.” Harry Styles was a devil, he really fucking was.

“Harry, you prick! I was winning. Sore loser.” Louis gasped as his silver cargo ship lay flipped upside down sullenly, his multicoloured money, at one point impeccably organized, now strewn around him.

“Sorry Lou.” And Harry was not being sincere, not at all, but Louis crumbled and shot him a weak scowl.

“You’re terrible, honestly. You hide beneath those cherub cheeks and dimples and you think you can get away with murder. Fuck you Harry Styles.” Louis had owned all of the blue properties with hotels on them ok, he was not overreacting.

“I said sorry, Lou.” And suddenly Louis was being tackled by Harry and he couldn’t stop giggling he couldn’t breathe-

“Zayn-zayn help me, H-harry is a devil child, why didn’t you warn me?”  Louis managed to gasp as Zayn wandered into the kitchen, phone on ear. He shrugged as Harry started another round of tickles and Louis was positively shrieking.

“They’re worse than my little sisters, honestly.” Zayn muttered into the phone as he slowly backed out of the kitchen, cup of coffee in hand. The laugh that resounded from the phone sounded painfully familiar and

“Harry, Harry stop, listen.” Louis gasped, as Harry finally stopped his round of tickles and his cheeks were rosy from laughing so hard and his head band had come loose so his curls lay wonky on his forehead and Louis’ breathe caught for a moment.

“I-uh-Zayn’s talking to Liam. Yeah.” Louis said, glad he could actually formulate words property. Honestly.

“What? Really? Well, come on then, we’ve got some quality spying to do.” Harry yelped as if spying on Zayn was his sole goal in life at the moment and Harry Styles was an absolute child.

Zayn was actually talking to Liam and Harry and Louis got about five minutes of quality eavesdropping in before they were violently (and rudely) thrown out of Zayn’s hallway. The rest of the night was spent cleaning up the poor, poor monopoly game, eating a hasty dinner of cereal and having a pillow fight (which only lasted about two seconds) because of course.

The night ended at around 3, after a glass of hot cocoa each with just a dash of whiskey because they were adults ok.

“This is delicious, Harry you’re the next Gordon Ramsay.” Louis giggled and maybe they each had just a bit more than a dash.

“Thanks Lou, you’re the best, really.” Harry grinned back, his eyes wide and Louis really liked whiskey, he did. The two clambered onto the couch at some point, Harry claiming two pillows and the whole comforter which Louis did not approve of at all, thank you.

“Goodnight, Louis tonight was fun.” Harry grinned to him from one side of the couch, almost hidden completely from view by his giant comforter.

“Night, Harry.” And Louis hadn’t gone to sleep with a smile on his face for a while and he quite liked it, really.

x

8:34 AM

Niall hey niall, I think liam and zayn are fucking bye.

8:37 AM Niall Horan

The word on the street is that you and harry have been getting it on, actually.

8:39 AM

Shut up

IV

Louis’ life passed as normal for the next few weeks; of course, with the addition of Harry Styles. Also, Zayn because after a week of prodding and terribly hidden innuendos from the other three, he had admitted that he and Liam were seeing each other and nothing more. Seeing each other apparently meant that they were always in each other’s company, as Louis soon realized after he ran into the two doing absolutely inappropriate things at Liam’s flat for the third time. In a row. Louis should stop visiting Liam’s flat in the middle of the night.

Louis frequented Harry’s flat instead, (I’m going to see a fucking caterpillar Niall, not to fuck him), cooed over Fred (who was beginning to fatten up and grow and Louis smiled) and chatted with Harry, who’s mouth moved too slow for Louis’ liking. Instead, he just let Harry’s low and rumbling voice consume him and Louis just stared because Harry Styles might have been an angel in another life, really. His eyes were green and almond shaped and spoke meanings far faster than his mouth ever could. His skin was fair and blemished sometimes which made Louis giggle and Harry flush;  his lips were red and wide and puffy and perfect and Louis might be swooning.

“-Lou are you even paying attention to me wow, I’m hurt.” Harry’s rumbling voice drew to a close and it was as if Louis had been forced to surface from a lovely dream, spluttering.

“What?”

Harry sighed. “Er, I was wondering if you’d like to come to my uni photo gallery thing?  It’s like black tie and stuff they just showcase the best shots from this year’s class and I was chosen and I can bring guests so…?”

Louis was an idiot. “Sorry, really, I was just. But yeah, Harry, mate, that’s fucking great; I’d love to come.”

And Harry looked nervous for some reason and his cheeks were tinged pink and his eyes were down and why was he nervous? “ No problem Lou, that’s great thanks um I can bring as many people as I want since it’s like an intimate thing so; a couple of my friends and Zayn and Niall and my mum are coming so it’d be great if you and Liam can come too?”

“Yeah mate of course.” And Louis was going to meet Harry’s other friends and his mum and Louis wasn’t nervous, not really.

x

Harry was nervous. Really fucking nervous to be honest.

“Zayn, fuck, does my bowtie look alright?” Zayn smirked from his perch at Harry’s door frame, and he looked like a fucking Burberry model, fuck him.

“Yeah, Haz, you look great, I swear. Louis’ going to swoon.” And Harry really fucking loved Zayn in his fancy suit and tie and his smile where his eyes crinkled up and so he hugged him. Tight.

“You’re wonderful Zayn. I love you. Do you think everyone will like my pictures? They blew them up and its going to be presented I’m so fucking nervous.” Harry whispered into Zayn’s shoulder because he was good at photography he knew that; but he cared too much about what others said, he cared too much.

Zayn chuckled. “Harry, your pictures are amazing. I love them; everyone else will love them too, ok? Now doll up your hair all nice and let’s get going, we don’t want to keep Anne waiting do we?” And Harry smiled as they left the flat, his camera tucked close to him.

The drive to the venue was eventless, Harry fiddling with his camera straps until Zayn swiped them away from him with a meaningful glance. Harry sighed as the two finally arrived at the venue, his hands clammy but his eyes bright. A weight was lifted from his shoulders as Anne appeared and smothered Harry in a hug because mums always make everything better.

“You made it mum.” Harry grinned because his mum was here and soon his friends would be here and maybe everything would turn out ok.

“As if I would miss it.” Anne smiled and turned to Zayn who shrugged. “As responsible as every Zayn?”

“Yup, Harry wouldn’t survive a day without me.” Zayn smirked and Harry smacked him, just as a car rounded the corner.

“Yes, Louis let’s carpool, let’s help the environment. Your worse idea yet.” Niall’s loud voice remarked as the boy practically leaped out from the car, looking prim and proper in his suit. Behind him followed a sheepish Louis who tugged at his suit sleeves nervously as he looked around.

“Well none of us died on the way here, so I think that’s a plus.” Liam muttered as he stepped out of the driver’s seat of the car, looking no less modelesque than Zayn, who Harry felt relax beside him.

“Lou, Niall, Liam! Over here.” Harry called, and he couldn’t keep the grin off his face as the three ambled towards them, Zayn meeting Liam half way and smiling. Niall smirked. “Harry, you look like a right snob.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Well you guys look sharp.” Harry chuckled as he wrapped his arm around the three in a quick embrace. “Uh, lads, this is my mum, Anne.”

Anne stepped forward with a smile and embraced the three as well. They were a hugging family. “Louis, Niall and Liam I take it?”

“Um, yes m’aam. Nice to meet you.” Louis responded with a small smile and Harry could just die he was so charming even when he wasn’t charming. Harry was fucked.

The troupe slowly made their ways inside with no big incident. Harry waved to his classmates from class who were loitering around and looking at the photographs which were blown up and placed on the walls and oh.

Harry flushed with pride as he pointed out a black and white photo of a black haired individual leaning out of a terrace with smoke falling out like rings from his lips. It was Zayn on one of his bad days when he had just lounged around and smoked and Harry had taken the photo without a second thought and now it was on the wall of an exhibition and Harry couldn’t breathe.

x

“I look alright don’t I Liam?” Louis smirked slightly as he overheard Zayn’s remark. The boy was leaning forward and studying the photograph of himself, Liam smiling at him from behind.

“Perfect really. Look at those cheekbones.”  

Harry stood around the corner chatting with his peers and he looked so proud of his photo on the wall, Louis just wanted to wrap him up. Harry was wearing a nice blazer with a bowtie, his hair done up all wavy and Louis could stare at him all day long, he really could.

“Harry! You’re fantastic mate!” Louis turned towards the sound the call, loud compared to the soft mumblings of the exhibition. Harry had shouted back a greeting and was now hugging a man, hair quiffed up much like Zayn’s.

“Lou, come on over. This is my mate Nick. Nick, this is Louis, I told you about him remember?” Harry smiled as he ushered Louis over, the fellow Nick smirking at him as Louis sauntered over, trying to look suave and cool like all the suave and cool photography majors he was surrounded by.

“Hey.” Louis smiled to the smirking Nick who stood with an arm around Harry. “I’m Louis.”

“Ah, the infamous Louis. Harry has told me about you. Nick Grimshaw.” Nick threw out a hand to Louis, which he carefully took, while sending a questioning look in Harry’s direction.

“Nothing bad, I promise! Come on, let’s take our seats.” Harry laughed and he looked so happy that Louis almost felt jealous, he almost felt like walking away from Harry and his smirking friend and going home and just laying on the bed for the rest of the night. But he didn’t. Of course he didn’t.

The exhibition went wonderfully, Harry leaping to the stage with a grin as his name was called, accepting an award for his photograph as the boys stood and cheered for him raucously. Harry was a whirlwind for the rest of the night, flushed and beaming and Louis thought he almost saw a glow surrounding Harry, a happy yellow glow. And Louis almost felt the need to take a little teacup and scoop up some of Harry’s glow and pour it on himself for maybe then he would be happy too, happy with a glow dimmer than Harry’s, but happy nonetheless. But Louis didn’t. Of course he didn’t.

The night passed quickly, Harry hugging his mum long and tight which made Louis miss his mum, even as Anne embraced him goodbye too. He heard a whisper in his ear, something about going out to celebrate and he obliged, piling into the car with the rest of the boys and driving off to some seedy club Nick picked out, playing music he’d never heard by bands he’d never seen.

The bass was loud, thumping deep into Louis’ heart as he watched from the sidelines. He watched Zayn and Liam laughing in a corner, as they tried the different colourful drinks the club offered.

“Come join us, Lou! I found one for you too; it’s red come, try it!” Zayn slurred to him, pointing to a bright (and frankly frightening) red drink, which Louis declined with a small smile and a shake of his head.

“No thanks, I’m going to go dance.” Which was a lie really, he was just going to go to other side of the bar, where his friends wouldn’t be in view. Which didn’t actually work out since he came face to face with Niall, who was surrounded by a group of laughing people as he always was, smiling as he told them another one of his funny stories that made drunken people cry from laughter.

Louis moved on before Niall could notice him, notice his hollow expression, which Louis felt like slapping off his own face. He ended up in the middle of the dance floor with his own colourful drink; dancing with everyone he could in an attempt to get his chest to stop feeling so heavy. Instead, he saw Harry, who had disappeared as soon as they had arrived, swinging his posh little blazer over his head, his bowtie undone and the first few buttons of his shirt unbuttoned.

“Lou! Come dance with me!” Harry slurred to him, obviously a happy drunk and Louis felt like punching something because everyone was a happy drunk except him that wasn’t fair.

“Yeah, join us Louis let’s see what that ass can do!” Nick appeared beside Harry and the two were laughing suddenly as Louis joined them, his mouth drawn out in a tight smile.

“Actually, I’m going to head home. Congrats, really, Harry. And nice to meet you Nick.” And Louis continued his tight smile as he waved to the two, backing away from the dance floor ad out of the club because he couldn’t take it anymore.

Louis opted to walk home, which probably wasn’t the greatest idea but he was drunk so. Louis gulped as he stopped by a lamppost and closed his eyes. All his friends had been smiling and laughing and happy and glowing and Louis had felt so gray around them. He didn’t shine as bright, he didn’t exude a happy glow; he just needed to get out and stop and just think.

An hour later of drunk stumbling and slow sign reading, Louis was back in his bed, his eyes closed, thinking. Thinking of the weight that had suddenly appeared on his chest, thinking of how he had to swallow a few times to get rid of his seized up throat. Just thinking.

x

Harry had been hammered the night before, he was sure. Well he wasn’t sure, since he couldn’t remember his own name for a second, but the pounding in his head seemed clue enough.

“Ouch.” Harry muttered as he felt around the sheets on his bed (his bed thankfully) until he felt the edge and dropped gingerly to the floor. His heavy curtains were drawn, shielding the sun from his sensitive eyes and Harry yawned and winced before staggering to the bathroom.

The living room however, was bathed in sunlight and Harry groaned as he came across Zayn who sat lounging at the dinner table with coffee and a cigarette, which Harry chose to let go because he might be dying and Zayn possibly had access to aspirin.

“Morning sunshine.” Zayn greeted as Harry slid in and collapsed onto the dining table. “You were properly hammered last night you know?”

“I assumed. Aspirin?” Harry groaned as he laid his head onto the table, before grinning as he shot up to stare at the mantel, on which sat his plaque from the night before. Harry winced again. “You put that up yesterday? Thanks.” Zayn nodded as he tossed Harry a pill and a glass of water.

“I think so. Wasn’t as hammered as you were, thankfully, apparently all those fruity drinks had minimum alcohol levels.” Zayn smiled as he took a breath and another sip of his dark coffee. “Also, you better get going, I don’t have class till later.”

Harry groaned. Of course his uni would plan an exhibition a school night, of fucking course. “On my way.”

x

Louis stumbled out of bed with a groan, quickly dismissing his thoughts of skipping his only uni class of the day in favour of lounging around at home and maybe trying one from the pack of cigarettes Zayn had accidently left behind from the last time the boys had come over. Louis decided against it for the fact that he was missing enough uni class as it was; he blamed Harry Styles.

Louis groaned again as he sent a quick text to Liam apologizing for his disappearance the night before and also for his ignoring of the confirmation call. Harry. His name itself brought back the feelings from the night before and Louis desperately tried to stuff them back into his head and seal it with a key (though it seemed he was running short on mind keys). Louis blatantly ignored his mind as he quickly slipped on his dark framed glasses, unused for a while, and hoisted his book bag onto his shoulders. Louis felt rather vulnerable without his glasses that morning, not trusting his naked eyes which were connected to his lightly pounding head. Louis left his flat in a hurry, slipping down the sidewalk without even a coffee in hand; willfully trying to ignore the weight on his chest which didn’t seemed to have disappeared the night before.

Louis arrived at the bus stop in record time, sliding onto the plastic seats with a sigh and reaching out for his text. Harry had evidently not arrived yet and Louis entertained the thought that maybe Harry wouldn’t even show up, seeing how hammered he had been the night before.

Louis was proven wrong however, as a figure walked briskly down the sidewalk, wild hair hidden messily beneath a knitted beanie, eyes covered with dark sunglasses, completely unnecessary for the fact that London was being London that day, skies overly overcast.

‘Hello Harry.” Louis smiled as Harry plopped down beside him and Louis froze for a moment, heavily disappointed at the fact that he had to force some of his smile out, something he hadn’t had to do in a while.

“Hey Lou, how’re you?” Harry smiled sheepishly at him, slipping off his glasses to wink at Louis. “I missed your glasses. This reminds me of the first time we met; only I wasn’t so bloody hung-over.”

Louis tried to grin and desperately hoped it came out more real looking than he thought it did. “You were pretty drunk last night Harry.” Harry laughed quickly before wincing.

“I concur.” The two sat in silence for a while which was strange since Harry always had something to say and Louis always had ears to listen.

“Hey Louis, why don’t you have your coffee this morning?” Harry inquired suddenly and Louis shrugged.

“No time I guess.” In response, Harry dug around inside his book bag for a few moments before sliding out one half of a sandwich.

“Here, it’s a breakfast sandwich. I didn’t have breakfast either, so. Have half; it’ll be like a picnic.” Harry smiled softly at him and Louis froze once more for Harry’s smile wasn’t loud and beaming but soft and serene and Louis had a feeling Harry had noticed his own feeble attempts at smiles.

“Thanks Harry.” The weight on his chest relaxed but chillingly, did not disappear.

x

  Harry didn’t know what was up with Louis and maybe it was nothing and maybe it was just his hangover talking but Louis’ smiles didn’t seem as genuine as they usually were and Harry knew smiles, he was a photographer. Currently, the boy was nibbling on his breakfast sandwich, fighting to finish it before his 402 arrived.

“Slow down Lou.” Harry laughed and ouch that hurt and Harry made a note to never laugh again. Louis shot him a withering glance and Harry laughed again. Damn.

“Looks like your bus is here. Slide up your glasses Louis, they’re about to crash onto the pavement.” Louis shot him another glance as he gathered up his things and prepared for the slowing bus.

“Thanks Harry. See you.”

V

Louis arrived back at his flat in record time, sprinting to catch the early bus he always missed in favor of loitering around with Niall and Liam. This time, however, Louis slipped out of class as soon as it was signaled to be over, dashing to the bus stop, stopping just to confirm a meet up with Liam and Niall the weekend coming. Louis had agreed to this idea graciously, hoping, heavily hoping, that some time with his best mates would help lift the imaginary weight from his chest that seemed to be smothering him hour by hour.

Louis lifted his gaze from his flat bed sheets as his doorbell sounded, resounding throughout his dreary flat. It was surprising, really, that Louis would have a visitor and Harry flashed through his mind just as Louis drew open his front door, a small smile (which wasn’t completely forced thank goodness) already upon his face when

“Hey Louis.” Zayn Malik stood at his doorway, flipping through his phone casually as if it was a normal occurrence for him to be visiting Louis; which it was not thank you very much. Louis and Zayn had a mostly business relationship, related mostly by Harry and Liam and Louis’ frequent visits to Liam’s flat at inappropriate times.

“Zayn?” Louis’ eyes were questioning as he took a step back to let Zayn into his house because it wasn’t his first time visiting per se, but it was his first time visiting without the presence of Liam or Harry at his shoulder. Zayn responded with a small smirk and clicked off his phone.

“Want to go somewhere with me?”

x

Zayn wanted Louis to come with him downtown to visit a record shop of all places, and Louis had the strong suspicion that a certain somebody, (Liam Payne), had something to do with this sudden warmness.

“Did Liam put you up to this?” Louis asked for the third time, because the first time Zayn had simply ignored him and the second time he flapped the question away as he had been on the phone and this time Louis was prepared to pry Zayn’s little fingers from his little red car’s steering wheel if he had to.

He received no response. “Is this even your car? Harry didn’t mention you had a car.”

“Harry doesn’t mention a lot of things.” Zayn responded vaguely, staring straight ahead at the busy London streets in front of them. Louis buried his head in his hands and groaned. He was going to advise Liam on his choice of men sternly when he got home, that was for sure.

“I’m kidding Louis, oh my god. You’re so dramatic.” A chuckle resounded in the car and Louis jolted up to glare at the now openly laughing Zayn. “Then answer my question.”

Zayn rolled his eyes but continued to chuckle as he sent Louis a glance. “Fine, fine. Firstly, no this isn’t my car; it’s my friend Perrie’s, I’m just returning it to her. She works at the record place we’re going to. Secondly, I choose not to answer whether Liam put me up to this, but I don’t think we actually hang out so much and I feel like I kind of owe you, I don’t know.”

Louis was surprised, to say the least. He had expected a feeble explanation involving Harry or Liam or something and maybe Louis hadn’t made such a terrible first impression on Zayn after all. “Ok. What’s the relevance of me and a record shop though? And why do you owe me Zayn?” Zayn was finally talking to him and hell if Louis was going to let that go to waste.

Zayn sighed in response, sending Louis another glance.  “I heard you and Harry talking about some old indie band I don’t know the name of and this record shop has records of basically all the bands I don’t know the names of, so.”

Louis was surprised again and maybe there was more to Zayn the Roommate and Zayn the Boyfriend than he had previously thought. “Were you eavesdropping Malik? Were you eavesdropping on mine and Harry’s conversations?” Louis smirked as Zayn glared at him and Louis liked how he kind of forgot about his heavy chest when he laughed. “And let me guess. You owe me because I brought Liam into your life again right? Am I right?” Louis laughed loudly as Zayn’s tanned cheeks got a shade darker and Louis could barely feel his heavy chest now this was progress-

“We’re here.” Zayn slid the car into park at the side of the road, next to a nice little strip of stores. Well, they weren’t very nice and Louis even spotted a few ruffian-looking types hanging outside the tattoo parlour next to the record shop. Louis took just a step closer to Zayn; Zayn with his fitted t-shirt that showed off his multitude of tattoos, looking very tough compared to Louis’ pullover and jeans. Louis felt quite unmanly next to Zayn.

“Zayn, I want another tattoo.” Louis said, as Zayn approached the record shop door and turned to face him. “Yeah, the one I have is of a stick figure riding a skateboard; I got it when Niall and me got drunk one night so yeah, tattoo.” Louis kept talking because talking with Zayn was fun since Zayn never interrupted him and only gazed at him and talking was a distraction.

“Ok. You want one today? I can get you a discount for the place next door.” And Louis and Zayn were discussing tattoos outside a record shop in the middle of downtown London and that was different and Louis liked it.

“Ok. Cool, thanks.” Zayn just shrugged at him and walked past and into the record shop, Louis following suite.

“Perrie! I’ve brought your car. Piece of junk by the way.” Zayn called as walked inside, throwing the car keys onto the empty counter and nodding at the ginger who was organizing records in the corner. The shop was empty of people, the only movement being Zayn and the ginger man, who continued to shuffle records, obviously used to Zayn’s drop ins.

“Then don’t come crawling to me the next time you want to impress your little boyfriend, got it?” A voice called back, and Louis ripped his gaze away from a staggering pile of records to watch a petite blonde with streaked hair come out of an apparent storage room. “Oh hello.” She smiled and she looked like a pixie, Louis thought.

“Hi, it’s Louis.” Louis smiled back at her and she waved before smacking Zayn off the counter and grinning. “I’m Perrie. And that over there is Ed. Cool to meet you Louis. ” The ginger looked up and offered Louis a smile. Louis wandered off to Ed, who looked as if he belonged on the cover of one of the many records he was painstakingly organizing.

“Hey. You’re Harry’s friend right? Ed.” The ginger, Ed, straightened up and extended his hand. Louis sent him a questioning look. “You know Harry? How does everyone know Harry?”

Ed laughed and Louis decided that he quite liked Ed’s laugh. “We go way back, he’s one of our most frequent customers. Told me a bit about you, actually.” And Louis froze and prayed that it wasn’t a pitying glance that Ed was sending him right at that moment because he didn’t want to be pitied, not one bit.

“Right.” And Louis decided that he was jumping to conclusions as Ed piled CDs and records into his hands even as he insisted that he didn’t own a record player; but the thought still sat in the back of his mind even as he laughed at one of Perrie’s jokes and smiled as Ed sang a few lines of a song he was working on and before he knew it, Louis could feel the weight on his chest once again.

“Right, Louis let’s get going, you still want to get that tattoo right?” Zayn called out about an hour later. Only one customer had arrived since the two had shown up and he had shot them all an uneasy look before leaving the store quickly. Perrie decided that she blamed Louis and Zayn for the customer’s hasty retreat and had the beginnings of an angry rant coming up, just as Zayn brought up the suggestion. Perrie rang up Louis’ purchases (and Louis would probably have to pick up a second job to pay for this month’s rent thanks to Ed fucking Sheeran and his great taste in music) and then the two were off, Louis waving quickly to Perrie and Ed who smiled back and  demanded that he visit again.

“Hell if I’m visiting again. I’ve basically used up my whole paycheck!” Louis complained, blatantly ignoring the thought at the back of his mind, ever present.  Zayn simply laughed in response. “They liked you, mate. And do you even work?”

Louis was offended. “Of course I work Zayn, not all of us can afford to pass through life relying solely on their good looks.” Zayn grinned, but punched Louis, just as the two stopped in front of the tattoo parlour, looking even shiftier in person. Louis swallowed away his doubts and stepped boldly inside with the vague thought that maybe this would be a part of his so called quest.

“Well come on Zayn, I need a discount after all that. Work your charms.”

x

“This hurts; I don’t remember this hurting so much Zayn. How do you and Harry have so many of these. Bloody hell.” Louis all but hissed as Zayn chuckled softly beside him.

“Maybe you were too drunk to notice last time, mate.  Why’d you choose a compass anyway? Kind of random. Our stop is coming up, by the way.” Zayn queried as he turned to face Louis. The two were forced to bus it home, Louis’ arm all bandaged up, where the needle had poked his skin multiple times, drawing out the intricate figure of a compass. During the process, Louis had temporarily forgotten about the weight on his chest and the thought at the back of his mind and so he made the tattoo artist go into more detail, prolonging the experience. Now, Louis regretted it, his arm stinging.

Louis blushed slightly as he thought of what Harry and Niall would say when they saw his newest tattoo.

“Oi mate, did you get that compass to help you with your quest?” “Let me guess what that compass stands for Louis. Will it help you pursue something? Something that starts with the letter q? Hmm?”

Louis shook his head. “Nah man it was just random.” Zayn shrugged and accepted the answer, looking up as the bus slowed to a stop. The two began their separate journeys home after nods of farewell.

“Hey Zayn.” Louis called, and the boy turned to face him questioningly. “You don’t owe me anymore.”

x

12:32 AM Harry S.

Hey Lou, I heard you got a tattoo with Zayn today? Can’t wait to see it x

12:34 AM

yeah harry. also I think I might like zayn more than you now, so you’re being replaced, sorry.

12:38 AM Harry S.

No way Louis, I’m your favourite! I’m helping you out with your quest, remember ;)

Louis gulped as he stared down at his phone, the thought hidden nicely away at the back of his mind suddenly jumping out to face him in bold.

VI

 “I- I thought this when I first told him about like the whole ‘sad’ thing and then I, I don’t know, I forgot since we became friends but now. I don’t want Harry to think I’m his fucking charity case or something; I’m just his bloody friend. I don’t want him to tell his fucking friends about me like I’m the sad little bloke he decided to help out. I sound like an asshole don’t I? Don’t I? It’s just that his friend Ed yesterday just looked at me in this weird way and I don’t know I thought that maybe Harry told him. Like everything. I don’t know.” Louis sighed as he stared at the floor of Niall’s apartment, his lingering thought finally put into words; words that made him sound like a fucking idiot. Liam and Niall sat across from him and Louis was thankful that Niall’s flat mate, Josh, was out or he’d have to get an actual fucking therapist or something.

“I don’t know guys it was just bugging me all day. Since yesterday. So.” Liam and Niall sat in silence across from him and Louis felt like an asshole, unloading his problems onto them on the day that the three were just supposed to hang out and have a good time. Louis was about to start his lame attempt at an apology when

“Louis. Do you like him?” Niall started and Louis was surprised becauseNiall would usually be the one to crack a joke at a time like this but he looked serious and Louis gulped.

“I-I don’t know. Kind of?” Louis stammered because the real answer was yes fucking yes so much and Louis hated himself because he was 22  and he was having so much trouble over a fucking crush.

Liam sighed heavily. “Louis, we all know you more than just ‘kind of’ like him. I think this has nothing to do with him thinking of you as a ‘charity case’, which he doesn’t by the way, his whole face lit up when you stepped out of the car at the exhibition the other day. I think this has to do with you fearing that Harry won’t think of you like that. You’re scared he’ll only think of you as that sad little bloke he decided to help out, as you put it.”

“That’s not true.” Louis said quietly but he knew, he knew that what Liam was putting into words was what was resting at the back of Louis’ mind for the past day.

“It’s true, Louis. He likes you mate. And Harry doesn’t seem like the kind of bloke to go spewing your secrets everywhere. He’s loyal. Like a fucking puppy.” Niall grinned and then Liam grinned and then finally, Louis smiled and the thought at the back of his mind was replaced by what felt strangely like hope and he felt like a bloody fucking idiot all over again.

“When did my best mates become my therapists?” Louis sighed as Niall threw an arm around his shoulders.

“Since always, mate. Come on then Liam, put on the movie, I don’t need any of you to start analyzing my thoughts now.”

VII

Louis arrived at the bus stop early for a change, his Psychology final frighteningly close. He had one earphone in, blaring a song from one of the many albums Ed had piled into his arms a week ago. The music helped distract him from his heavy chest, which seemed to return every time the boys’ went clubbing or went somewhere in a group; Louis couldn’t trust himself, he couldn’t trust himself to fit in with the crowd without staring at his friends who would be drunk or just happy, or staring at other people, who seemed so content with their lives. Louis would be happy too sometimes, but he never felt at bliss like his friends did at clubs or when they went along with their daily errands. That’s when the weight would return to its spot on his chest, his throat seizing up so he had to swallow and try. Louis didn’t want to try so hard at something that others seemed to grasp so simply.

Louis skimmed over his text, humming to the music and ignoring his heavy chest with high hopes that it would disappear like it did so many times before. He was about half way through the second chapter of his textbook just as he felt the weight of someone sit down heavily next to him. Louis spared a glance upward to see Harry smiling at him, which he responded to, rolling his eyes as Harry snapped a quick shot with his camera. Louis didn’t complain so as not to disturb the chorus of the song which still played softly into his ears. Harry seemed to understand that the two would not be speaking all that much today, and proceeded to stare down at his camera, sending slow glances to Louis every so often.

Most of the bus stop wait passed in silence, and Louis had chance to recall his second day of knowing Harry, when the two had sat similarly like this in silence. Louis recalled thinking something along of the lines of ‘not needing to make small talk with strangers’ and how everything was so much different now. Louis smiled so much more than he did back then, and also Harry was no longer a stranger to him. He was a friend.

“Lou. Hey Louis, what are you listening to?” Harry broke the silence reigning between the two by leaning towards the earphone that was stuck in one of Louis’ ears. Louis lifted the earphone and held it up between them, the heavy song playing softly into both their ears,

“Um, I actually don’t know the name. Your friend Ed actually gave the CD to me; I just kind of ripped it and put it onto my iPod.” Louis flushed a little, knowing that Harry was a fan of indie bands and Louis was currently listening to music he didn’t even know the name of. Harry just smiled.

“Right, you met Ed at the record shop before you got your tattoo right? Love it by the way.” Harry winked at him knowingly and Louis would punch him, he really would, if only Harry’s face wasn’t so pretty. Instead he settled for a withering glance, before slipping the headphone back into his ear.

“Wait Louis, I want to show you something.” Harry said quite suddenly, grabbing Louis’ Psychology book and placing it onto the bend beside them. Louis looked questioningly on as Harry picked up Louis’ stray earphone and put it into his other ear.

“Harry what are you doing, I need to study you know-” Louis began, reaching towards his textbook because the two were in very close proximity all of the sudden and Louis couldn’t possibly handle it. Harry just batted away his hands.

“I’m going to teach you how to listen to music properly.”

“I know how to listen to music Harry, what the hell-” Louis began again, because Harry was being weird and the last time Harry had acted weird, they had a slumber party.

“No, listen. Ok, close your eyes.” Harry looked earnest as he held Louis’ iPod in his hands and Louis sighed but obliged, blinking his eyes shut just as Harry increased the volume of the music and oh.

Louis was no longer on the streets of London, he could no longer hear the sounds of cars rushing past him or feel the presence of busy people walking down the sidewalk with people to see and places to be. Louis knew nothing but the music in his ears, knew nothing but the soft words that were whispered into his ears, words that resounded in his head, taking him away.

In the black out of light I found a rhyme on hope.

And Louis was back in his room in Doncaster and he was seventeen and lying on his bed, eyes closed. Music blared from his old, worn speakers, so loud that it drowned out his mum yelling at him to turn it down, so loud that the rest of the world disappeared, and only Louis and the music remained.

In the corner of doubt someone left a word hanging on to me still.

And Louis was eighteen and drunk and lost with Niall playing a song on his old guitar. Louis became lost in the music instead, lolling his head back, letting Niall’s calm voice swallow him.

Walking aimlessly..

The music reverberated into Louis and he was lost again, letting himself forget everything besides the gentle guitar chords. Even the ache in his chest was subdued, drowned and smothered by the music.

Walking aimlessly…

And Louis was back and the sun was shining too bright as he opened his eyes, letting himself be swallowed back up by the real world. Harry was smiling softly at him as the song settled to silence and Louis was bewildered but so calm.

“How’d you know that’s what I needed?” Because Louis had needed that, he had needed an escape today; an escape from studying, an escape from his heavy chest and thick throat, just an escape. And Harry had offered him the escape into music.

Harry just stared right back at him. “I-I don’t know Lou, I was looking through the list you left at my house and music was on it so. I listen like this sometimes, when I need to like, get away?”

And Louis nodded because he understood. He really, truly did.

VIII

Harry was upset. He tried very hard not to get upset very often for when he got upset he got upset and broke down and Harry absolutely despised breaking down. But that’s exactly what he was doing as he boarded his bus back home with a stoic expression replacing his usual pleasant visage. He arrived home safely enough, not even bothering to dilly dally at the bus stop for hours, instead choosing to jet home, his camera bag flopping limply at his side. Harry’s hair was especially wild today, after raking his hand through it in disdain more than once; his cheeks flushed red.

 The house was empty when Harry arrived and for one moment he was relieved but in the other he found himself yearning for Zayn’s presence, for someone’s presence.  Harry pressed his fingers to his eyes; he would not cry he would not. He was being pitiful, he thought, but his body seemed not to notice as thin tear tracks began to make their appearance on Harry’s cheeks, squeezing past his pushing fingers. Harry heaved a heavy breath before the tears came again in force, his face damp in no time, his fingers still pressed to his closed eye lids. Harry promised himself that he would make no noise but then it came, his shuddering breaths that took hold of his body and forced him to think of nothing but why he was a mess. The reason why he was silently crying in his flat alone. Alone. Harry didn’t like to be alone. Straightening up, Harry slowly lifted his fingers from his eyes, still closed; probing for the phone he had dropped onto the cushion next to him.

 He tried the first number on his speed dial, Zayn, but Zayn was in class. He tried the second, his mum, whose phone went straight to message as Harry cursed. He always told her to charge her phone damn it. Finally, he got somebody and Harry had the sense to wonder when he had ever added the blond to his speed dial, but the phone was ringing and all Harry could hope for was Niall’s happy Irish voice to distract him.

 “Hey Niall! What about you and I go out for a few drinks huh? Get smashed.” Harry greeted enthusiastically, and he hated the way his voice sounded, hated how choked it appeared. He could only hope that Niall would be willing to go down to the club with him, for going alone seemed like a challenge but Harry was prepared to do whatever he could to stop thinking about the terrible day and just forget.

 “Harry? Mate, you ok?” Niall’s voice was concerned and Harry shook his head violently as he let another tear streak down his cheek.

 “Y-yeah, of course! I just want to get properly smashed, you know? Up for it?” Harry hoped his voice sounded smoother than he thought it did, but it was Niall. Niall wouldn’t possibly notice. He was wrong.

 “Sorry mate, hate to miss it but I’m leaving for my shift right at this moment. Are you sure you’re ok? Harry, your voice sounds strange.” And who knew that Niall of all people could be so perceptive and really, Harry thought, he should give him more credit.

 “Uh ok, it’s ok I’m fine. Yeah, I’ll see you later.” Harry dropped the phone quickly, leaning forward to switch on the telly because maybe there would be some terrible reality tv show on and he could pretend to laugh and pretend to be normal and pretend not to be so crushed.

 It was barely ten minutes later, however, that Harry was interrupted by a quick rap at his door. Unfortunately he had decided a few minutes ago that he did not want company after all, and Harry prayed that Zayn forgot his keys so if it was him, he could lounge over at Liam’s. The raps continued and Harry didn’t lift his head from the sofa because he was a fucking mess.

 “Harry. Um, are you in there? Niall sent me. He said you sounded weird on the phone?” Louis’ sharp voice carried from the door and Harry cursed his flat and its damn thin walls. “Harry? I texted you a few times; can you open the door? I was just at home studying and Niall called so I thought I’d come to see if you were ok. Are you ok? Are you even home? Am I fucking talking to myself? Harry?” Harry sighed as he brought his hand to his face, wiping away the last of his tears and rearranged his face into something presentable. Or so he hoped.

 Silently, Harry approached the door and swung it open, only just to relieve Louis and send him back on his merry way.

 “Harry!” Louis looked up from his phone and he wasn’t smiling and Harry wanted him to go home. “You look like a right mess.”

 “Do I? Must be allergies. So. What’s up.” And Harry knew he was being terrible but he just wanted to sleep and forget. Louis seemed vaguely surprised at his tone, his eyes searching Harry’s face in suspicion.

 “You look like you were crying Harry, what’s going on? Want to talk?”  And Harry closed his eyes quickly to calm himself because he didn’t want to fucking talk he wanted to sleep or party or get drunk or anything but snap at Louis because that was what he was about to do, he was about to be terrible to Louis and he couldn’t stop.

 “No I wasn’t crying Louis, not everyone is sad like you ok? Just leave me alone please. Just leave.” And Harry could see Louis’ eyes widen and his head hurt from his tears and he couldn’t stop.

 “There’s no need to be an arse Harry. I just wanted to see if you were ok. I could be studying right now, you know?” Louis’ voice was raising and his stare on Harry hardened and Harry’s head was pounding. “But no. Niall said that Harry fucking Styles sounded upset so I decided to check up on you. Sorry then, I’ll just take my fucking sad self and leave, huh?”  Louis’ usually calm blue eyes were fiery now and Harry didn’t like it, not at all.

 “Yeah, leave. I don’t want to be another cause to your sadness now do I?” And Harry hated when he got like this; it was as if he wasn’t speaking, as if he was watching this play out from somewhere else, watching and screaming for it to stop. Louis’ face grew slack and Harry wanted to bury his head in his hands.

 "Shut the fuck up Harry.” With another glance, Louis turned and left Harry standing, his cheeks flushed and eyes glassy.

x

The ache in Louis’ chest was back and this time it was pounding. Louis couldn’t tell if it was the ache or his heart which was pounding but either way it hurt and Louis just wanted to go home and punch a wall. Or something.

The worst part was that Louis knew that Harry didn’t mean the things he had shouted cruelly to him. He knew that the person with sad eyes and an angry flush on his cheeks wasn’t truly Harry because Harry was nice and funny and weird, not cruel. But it stung what That Person said to him and Louis had just turned and ran. And he hated himself for that, really, because Harry was crying and Harry needed help and Louis had just turned and ran.

Louis sent a quick text to Zayn, saying that Harry was acting weird and that he needed space or a hug or whatever. Louis didn’t know and Louis didn’t help and Louis was terrible. Harry was always there and always willing to help him with his stupid issues and the one time Harry needed something in return, Louis decided to be a selfish bastard.  He finally stopped himself and turned, quickening his pace back to Harry’s flat because Harry needed someone and Louis was someone. Also, Harry was sad and Louis knew what sad felt like and he could help, he would help.

But when Louis returned, Harry’s door was unlocked and Harry was gone, his only remnant being a quick note taped onto the Spiderman saying that Zayn should probably sleep over at Liam’s tonight. Louis sighed.

IX

Louis decided to go home for his uni break. He said hurried goodbyes to Liam and Niall and called Zayn quickly and even managed a lame text to Harry before he was off on a train, heading back home to Doncaster. It had been a week since The Incident with That Person and Louis and That Person hadn’t talked since, Louis opting to walk an extra ten minutes to the next bus stop because he was a fucking coward.

Thankfully, the boys hadn’t noticed, Louis ducking out of social gatherings using ‘exams’ as an excuse for everything. Zayn however, had been more persistent, once even showing up at Louis’ door with Harry in tow, Louis thought. But he had just blasted the volume of his music and buried himself in textbooks and fought the weight on his chest. Exams were over now, however, and Louis couldn’t hide forever; so he booked the first train to Doncaster and took off because he was still a fucking coward. His Daily Smile Counter was dangerously low and Louis needed his sisters and he needed his mum and he just needed a break.

His one month break was just a break unfortunately, and Louis was back in London, back to his dreary little flat. Louis thought back, and his life was almost just as it was before he met Harry Styles. But it wasn’t, not completely. Dare he say it, he had become happier.  By no means was he the definition of happy but he had friends, and music and football and fucking monopoly and a furry caterpillar and a few months ago that wouldn’t have been enough but now, surprisingly enough, it was. The weight on his chest did return some days and some days it felt as if an elephant was sitting on him, sitting on him so he couldn’t breathe and only think. But now, Louis learned to escape. He learned to appreciate and run to his friends and maybe play footie or escape into music. Louis could go into clubs and he didn’t have to try so hard to fit in and distract himself. Only sometimes. And only sometimes did he get jealous of the glowing people around him because he could feel a faint glow around himself now too; it was dim still, but it wasn’t grey and that’s all Louis ever wanted, really. Some days were wonderful and some days were terrible and some days were just normal and that was fine, that was fine as long as Louis didn’t feel so empty and so sad.

It was the first day back at uni and after a lecture/welcome back gathering, organized by Liam and Niall and a passive Zayn, Louis was back at his old bus stop, coffee and croissant in hand because he’d need a fucking croissant if Harry was going to show up. Harry, who Louis hadn’t spoken to in a month. Harry, who was strolling up the sidewalk with his hair wild and camera bag hanging to the side. Louis gulped.

 X

Harry was cradling a jar in his hands as he glanced down at Louis, before running his hands through his hair and plopping down next to him.

“Lou.” Harry said, openly staring at him now, his gaze spilling guilt all over the place. “I-“ But Louis couldn’t let him finish because the jar in his hands was far too important.

“Is that Fred? Is that fucking Fred, oh my god.” And Louis shouldn’t be freaking out so much over a caterpillar since he was a man but in his defense, Furry Fred was no longer a caterpillar, but a cocoon. A nice brown cocoon almost hatched and hanging idly from the large branch Harry had placed there so long ago.  Harry seemed surprised at Louis’ sudden outburst and really, those were Louis’ first words to a person he hadn’t spoken to in a month. He was a fucking idiot.

But Harry just grinned, almost in relief. “Uh, yeah. Here look. He’s been in the chrysalis for a few weeks now. He’s going to be a butterfly soon, maybe today or tomorrow.” And Louis just gazed at the little brown sack that was once Furry Fred the caterpillar, before rolling his eyes at Harry’s in depth caterpillar vocabulary. Honestly.

“Wow. But Harry. You said this was a part of your portfolio. Don’t you want to shoot Fred as a butterfly? I mean, why did you bring him here?” Louis was confused really, but Harry only smiled wider.

“I know. But, I don’t want Fred to become a butterfly and the first thing he sees to be my fucking kitchen. So, I brought him back home. I’m going to put his chrysalis branch in those bushes somewhere, so the first thing he sees once he’s a butterfly will be his home. It’ll be great. I don’t think my portfolios completion is quite as important as an animal’s first glance at life. Or something like that.” And Harry was glowing as he stared down at the jar, and Louis was glowing as he stared at Harry.

“Do you want help?” And Harry glanced up hopefully at Louis before smiling and soon the two were on their knees at the clump of bushes behind the bus stop and Harry was carefully lifting Fred’s branch from the jar and Louis was holding his breath.

“Careful Harry. Careful. Oh my god, be careful.” The cocoon shook for a moment before Louis took the branch carefully from Harry’s hand and planted it safely in the coverage of the bushes.

“Wait Lou, I need a picture of this, wait.” Harry fumbled with his camera bag before dropping to his elbows and snapping so many pictures that Louis could only stand and stare. Harry stood up finally, before dropping one more glance at the caterpillar entombed in its cocoon.

“Goodbye, Fred.” Harry whispered, and Louis gulped.

“Goodbye, Fred.” Louis echoed and that was that. In two days or so, Fred would become a butterfly and that seemed to mark an end to something, though Louis couldn’t figure out what.

“Louis.’ Harry said now, and Louis glanced up and froze as Harry stared him down. “Louis. Louis listen, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

And Harry looked so earnest and upset and soft that Louis just sighed. “I know Harry. I know, ok? It’s alright, really. We both said stupid things that day. I was the one who ran away, so.”

Harry’s eyes seemed to widen almost comically. “Lou, no. I was being terrible. You were supposed to run away and leave me to ponder my wrong doings and all. Also, I missed you. I really fucking did, this past month.” And Louis managed a small smile.

“Right. Um. Thanks.” And Louis’ awkwardness decided to make its appearance right at the moment and Harry was smirking and Louis was an absolute idiot. “But it was nice, you know, to get a break and go back home. And stuff.” Louis hesitated. “Harry, could you tell me what was up with you that day? Why you were so upset?”

Harry paled and Louis felt like patting his hair and telling him it was alright because Harry’s face just wasn’t supposed to look upset, it just wasn’t. “Um. Well. I didn’t mean to get so upset. But. I don’t really handle criticism very well. Like, I kind of overheard a couple of my photography classmates talking about me. They said that my photographs were strange. Like they called me a faggot or whatever. I don’t know. I guess I took it the wrong way or something.” And Louis knew that this wasn’t just criticism because photography was a part of Harry and having his own worked mocked must have hurt him to the core. Harry was just that passionate.

“Harry. I’m sorry.” Harry glanced up and gave him a small smile. Only just then did Louis notice the odd space between the two. They were standing quite far apart, and Louis took a step closer, just to make things less awkward. Yeah.  That was why.

“I got over it. Or, Zayn forced me to get over it. But anyways. How’s your quest going Lou? Still loving the tattoo.” And Harry switched topics fluently, his downcast eyes looking alive again as he reached to poke Louis’ compass tattoo. Louis rolled his eyes. Harry was back.

“I think I’m done with my quest now, actually. Like I’ve finished all the things on my list. And I feel better now, actually. So. Yeah, thanks for the idea Harry.” And things were not back to normal apparently because Harry just took a step forward with a strange look on his face and Louis was confused.

“Really? That’s great Lou. It was my pleasure.” And Harry took one step closer and Louis had to glance upward slightly now to look him in the eyes. “But if I do recall, there was something crossed out on the list. I think it was my name.”

Oh. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Um, that was another Harry.  Remember?” Louis didn’t know what he was doing. Harry took a step closer.

“Well the name was on the list of things that make you happy. Do I make you happy Lou?” Harry paused now and glanced hesitantly at Louis and oh.

Louis closed his eyes for a moment because Harry looked nervous yet determined and Louis just wanted to kiss him, really. “Yeah. Yeah Harry you make me happy. Really fucking happy.” And suddenly Harry was leaning down and Louis was leaning up and they were kissing in front of the bus stop. Harry’s lips were rougher than Louis expected but still gentle and light and Louis couldn’t breathe. His eyes, which had fluttered closed at one point, suddenly shot open as the click of a camera went off.

“Harry, you idiot!” Louis cried as he pushed off Harry and stared at the camera held out in his hand.

“I wanted to remember this moment.” Harry grinned back at him and Louis really couldn’t help but lean back in and feel Harry’s lips again because now he could.

“I think your 402 is here Lou.” Harry smiled into Louis’ lips and Louis only wrapped his arms tighter around Harry’s neck and stood up higher on his tippy toes.

“If you touch that camera of yours again Harry, I swear.” Louis mumbled back and Louis decided that he could afford to skip uni that day.

I

Louis was pretty sure he managed to get over his mid life crisis without much fuss. He’s still Louis Tomlinson; former class clown, the kid who got picked first for every footy game but now, the content man living in a slightly more colourful flat (thanks to one Mr. Zayn Malik) in urban London.

The boys had taken to Louis’ and Harry’s new relationship with more calmness than either of them, and nothing really changed for the two except that now it was Zayn or Liam and sometimes even Niall walking in on quite inappropriate scenarios in either Louis’ or Harry’s flats. Louis felt that it was karma, really.

Eventually Harry moved out and Liam moved in and Niall would just float through each flat because everyone wanted Niall there at some point. Sometimes Louis’ ache would return but Harry would be there or Niall and Liam would be there or even Zayn would be there and the ache would go back inside Louis and wouldn’t return for a while.

Harry and Louis still took the bus stop every morning (Louis with his glasses some days because Harry just insisted) but instead of that dreadful coffee, Louis had tea in his hands (Harry put his stacks of Yorkshire to good use, Louis may love him) and his stomach no longer grumbled because Harry would make breakfast every morning because he was a morning person, apparently. Louis still required Liam’s alarm just because, and the confirmation call still arrived some mornings and Louis had to hand it to Liam, he really did.

Sometimes Harry would spot a butterfly and absolutely swear that it was Fred, and Louis would call him a fucking idiot but it was ok because Louis could kiss him afterwards and maybe think at the back of his mind that just maybe Fred was almost the same colour as that butterfly’s wings. Maybe.

And some days Louis would just glance down at his arm, now littered with more ink (thanks to Zayn’s frequent visits to Perrie and Ed’s record shop which Louis absolutely insisted on tagging along to) and he would pause for a moment at his compass. His compass which Niall still persists is about his so called quest, but really, now that Louis thinks about it, it means so much more. It symbolized a journey, a voyage of sorts. A voyage where Louis changed and learned and grew, and the compass just pointed him in the right way.

Louis wasn’t ever completely happy because Harry insisted that no one could be completely anything, but Louis wasn’t sad anymore. He didn’t need to scoop up Harry’s happiness in a teacup and pour it on himself because Harry was always there and Louis could just smother himself up in his arms and that would suffice, really.

And sometimes (just sometimes) Louis would look back at his List and smile because after many corrections and crossed out lines, Louis wasn’t so disappointed in it after all.

“Louis’ list of happy things”

“things that once made Louis happy ha ha”

“fuck you harry styles”

List

• Football
• Family
• Liam and niall
• Liam
• Niall
• Harry 
• Fred
• Music
• Clubs
• People
• Harry Styles
• Zayn
• Record shops (but not Perrie’s record shop because now I’m fucking broke; never trust Ed Sheeran.)
• Monopoly
• Harry’s photographs
• Watching sports with Niall
• Croissants
• Hot chocolate with whiskey
• Beaches
• Movies
• People (sometimes.)
• Breakfast
• Kissing.
• Harry Styles (and don’t you go and cross this out again, Lou. Love you x :) –H)

fin.