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Death was a constant.
It’s an undeterred factor that all mankind experiences as a part of life - mortals and gods alike. Loki is all too aware of death, having been surrounded by it his entire life, his own hands caked and forever stained with the lives of those he’s taken, or were unfortunate enough to cross his path.
The figure of death had first cast its shadow upon him when the nature of his true species had come to light, and would remain with him, growing darker and darker on his path of death and destruction, fueled by his hunger for power and the throne to Asgard. Though time has passed, the memory of those he had a hand in their demise would continue to haunt him for what he believed to be eternity.
If eternity was such a thing for a god.
King Laufey, Odin, Frigga, Hela; the most prominent reminders of his past transgressions, would rise to the surface of his subconscious in untimely moments, often in the times of rest.
~
Loki opens his eyes, remaining still as he stares up at the ceiling of his bedroom in the Avengers Tower. After Loki had awoken back in Wakanda, just moments before he watched the King of Wakanda vanish before his eyes - and Thanos and his children had been defeated, Thor had almost crushed Loki when they reunited. After many tears shed (by Thor) and far too much incomprehensible blubbering, Thor had eagerly invited Loki to call New Asgard his home; the new home for the remaining Asgardian population, established in Norway.
As flattered as he was at the invitation, Loki had politely declined the offer. Though many had forgiven Loki for his betrayal, believing that him saving the remaining Asgard population with Thor, Banner and Valkyrie redeemed his misdeeds - Loki knew there were those who would not rest comfortably, knowing he was only doors away.
Thor had been disappointed, but had not taken it to heart, and instead invited him to travel with his new found friends, the Guardians of the Galaxy. Loki could only stand Thor’s peacocking for Quill for only a day before he returned to Midgard, Thor following to return to take responsibility as King for New Asgard.
~
He had read on his cellular device that taking a stroll is good after an unrestful sleep, which was how he found himself waiting for the elevator at 4 o’clock in the morning, tugging his navy green coat tighter around himself. The elevator doors opened, revealing Banner, who blinks in surprise at the sight of Loki before smiling politely. A change he was still getting used to, far too used to the fear settling across the faces of those who laid eyes on the god of Mischief.
“Loki, good evening,” Banner greets him as Loki steps into the elevator, “Should’ve known you were a night owl.”
As Loki stands beside him, his eyes dart down to Banner’s right wrist. His sleeves are rolled up slightly, allowing the inhibitor device that he wears 24/7 to be visible. Thor had explained to him what it did, but even he wasn’t sure how it worked. Thankfully, Stark explained that it suppressed the gamma-radiation within Bruce and prevented the Hulk from coming to the surface, elevated heart rate or anger not a factor he needed to be concerned with anymore.
The inhibitor was only disabled and removed when the Hulk was required for missions, which was rare, as per Banner’s request. Loki would never admit it aloud, but seeing the device brought a sense of comfort and relief to the god.
“Banner,” Loki nods to him calmly as the elevator door closes, “Ground floor.”
“Yes, Rock of Ages,” FRIDAY responds.
Loki’s lips twist into a venomous scowl. Damn Stark and his use of ridiculous names. It was one thing to be called such names by Stark himself, it was another to be referred to as such by Stark’s robot woman.
Banner’s eyebrows raise above his glasses, “Going somewhere?”
“I am taking a walk,” Loki states primly, keeping his gaze forward as the elevator descends through the tower, “I heard it assists with restlessness.”
Banner hums in acknowledgement, “Nightmare?”
Loki scoffs out a laugh and turns to glare at the midgardian, “Don’t be foolish,” He snaps, “A god such as myself doesn’t allow himself to be subjected to such things.”
Banner doesn’t seem taken aback by Loki’s sudden harshness, and instead asks casually, “Does a god such as yourself allow people to keep him company?” He asks with a raised brow, “Cause I could go for a walk myself right about now.”
Loki looks at him, vexed, “Find yourself restless tonight, Doctor Banner?”
Banner smiles thinly as the elevator doors open, revealing the lobby floor, “Well, when you have a raging alter ego that only wants to smash and destroy everything in his path - restless is considered a blessing in my books.”
Loki’s lips thin, “I thought he couldn’t come out,” He says, eyes darting towards the inhibitor, to check that it’s still there.
It’s green light blinks at him.
“Can’t block him out of my head when I sleep,” Bruce confesses with a sad smile.
Loki chooses not to comment on the green beast hiding beneath the midgardians skin as they leave the tower and step out into the streets of New York City. They walk side by side in silence, following the concrete paths as cars pass them, buildings looming above their heads, practically acting as beacons against the night sky.
“So,” Banner is the first to break the silence, “You gonna tell me what your nightmare was about?”
Loki rolls his eyes in disgust, “Ugh, midgardians and you’re incessant need to be heard and to share your feelings with one another,” He drawls, “Your small minded way of thinking is pathetic, truly, it is.”
Banner takes the insult on the nose with an easy chuckle, “So Thor’s never come to you to talk about a bad dream?”
“Of course he has,” Loki says simply, “I just always tune him out.”
Banner hums, amused, “There’s nothing to be ashamed about, Loki,” He tells him simply, “I can hardly judge when all I have is nightmares.”
“Is that so?” Loki arches a brow.
“Do you know how the Hulk came to be?” Banner asks him curiously.
Lok shrugs his shoulders, indifferent, “After watching how you midgardians interact with one another, I simply believed that all midgardians had their own alter-egos, a dark side of themselves,” He then turns to Banner, “I believed yours just so happened to be more obvious, compared to those whose two faces remained as one.”
Banner tilts his head slightly at that for a moment before he lets out a small laugh, “That’s one way to look at it, I suppose,” His smile then thins before he turns his gaze ahead as he continues, “I was a professor at Culver University when I was approached by a man named Thaddeus Ross, who proposed an experiment to make humans immune to gamma radiation - essentially creating super soldiers, who could cross enemy lines without having to worry about the consequences of being exposed to such things as mustard gas or agent orange.”
His expression turns solemn as he continues, “The experiment had failed - I still toss and turn at night thinking of what I could’ve changed to prevent what happened that night,” He frowns, his words almost a whisper when he says, “Betty… she had been in the room with me.”
Loki looks at him, watching his saddened expression closely, “A lover?”
Banner nods silently before he lets out a bitter laugh, “Ross’ daughter too,” He smiles grimly, “The experiment had caused an explosion, exposing me to a level of gamma radiation that would normally kill a man in seconds,” His expression is despondent as he adds, “Somedays I wish it had.”
“Why?” Loki asks calmly, before he can help himself.
Banner sighs, “Because I could’ve lived a good and normal life, without having to be cautious of my anger all the damn time - hell, I can’t even get passionate about a sports game without the Hulk threatening to climb his way out of me,” He sneers with frustration before he settles after a moment of breathing, frowning as memories seem to flash behind his eyes, “All those people wouldn’t be hurt or dead because of me.”
Loki doesn’t say a word, merely watching his voided expression closely. A man of such passion, held back by the clutches of his green shadow. How familiar.
“So,” Banner clears his throat, fixing his glasses slipping from the bridge of his nose, “You wanna tell me what your nightmare was about now?”
Loki rolls his eyes but chooses not to argue as he turns his gaze ahead of them, eyes tracking the path lit up by lights shining above their heads, “You more than anymore should be aware of what I’ve done; I’ve killed, tortured, betrayed those who bestowed their trust onto me. My very existence remains a constant reminder of a past I cannot erase, no matter how strong my magic is,” His lips pull back into a frown as his brows furrow together, melancholy caking his features, “Thor has forgiven me over and over again, no matter how many times I have betrayed him, and yet it takes me by surprise every time - I sometimes worry that he’s knocked his head far too many times that it’s starting to cloud his judgement. ”
Banner chuckles softly, “Thor may not be all there sometimes, but I know for certain that he would never consider forgiving you stupid,” He says, his tone soft but his words firm, “Loki, Thor has forgiven you time and time again, because you are his brother, and he loves everything about you - the good and the bad.”
“I’m adopted,” Loki reminds him primly, “Odin took me from my true home and raised me as a burden, so I could one day rule Jotunheim and create a bridge of peace between our two realms.”
“That’s a pretty small minded way of thinking,” Banner throws his own words back in Loki’s face, “You and Thor may not be biologically related, or even the same species, but you are brothers - a DNA sample isn’t going to change that fact.”
A small smile makes its way onto Loki’s face and he can’t help but let the chuckle sitting in his chest escape from him.
“I believe you’re right, Banner,” Loki agrees gently, the tension that had been sitting across his shoulders since he had awoken melting, “There is no need to search our DNA to prove that we are brothers.”
Banner smiles, “Your love for one another is proof enough.”
“Now you’re making this uncomfortable.”
“Oh, sorry.”
Their walk continues in relative silence as they wander back to the tower. It’s not until they reach the lobby, waiting for the elevator when Loki breaks the silence first.
“I have to say, this was rather pleasant,” Loki confesses quietly.
Banner blinks in surprise before he settles with a smile as the elevator doors open, “Maybe we could do this again sometime.”
“Perhaps.”
They step inside and the door closes to begin ascending. There’s a brief pause before Banner turns to him.
“Loki, about what you said, about everything that you’ve done in the past,” He pauses, his expression twisting as he speaks genuinely, “You’ve done more than enough to prove that you’re a good person.”
Loki shakes his head slowly, “I’m afraid I can’t make up for my betrayal of Asgard and the attack of New York, Doctor Banner.”
Bruce frowns, puzzled, “I thought New York was Thanos’ fault?”
Loki smiles sadly, “Though I acted as a proxy for Thanos, I was still the one responsible for the pain and suffering I caused,” He states, standing firm on that hill.
Bruce nods slowly, “In anycase,” He continues, “You’re a good person Loki and you deserve good things, and I mean that, truly.”
The smile Loki gives him is truly genuine as the elevator comes to a stop, “You are a good person as well,” He says, honesty dripping from every word before he steps out of the elevator with a call over his shoulder, “Goodnight, Bruce.”
Bruce startles at the use of his first name before he smiles, “Goodnight, Loki.”
The elevator closes and Loki begins walking back to his room, only to pause when he finds Thor sitting in front of the tv in the seating room, munching on a box of poptarts while watching some midgardian entertainment. Thor turns his head to him.
“Ah, brother,” He greets loudly, chewing rapidly before he swallows and gestures to the tv, “Come join me, have you watched Midgardian shows before? It is truly riveting.”
Loki rolls his eyes, “I hardly believe midgardians have good taste when it comes to entertainment,” He remarks, disinterested before he takes a seat beside him, “But I suppose I could spare a few moments of my precious time.”
Thor silently offers the box to him, to which Loki takes one of the poptarts out. Loki settles back, eyes on the screen as his moronic but endearing brother watches the midgardian entertainment with vigorous interest, getting crumbs all over himself as he chows down on a poptart fresh from the box. Perhaps Bruce hadn’t been too far off about Loki deserving nice things - this moment seemed perfectly suitable to him.
And besides, if there was one thing that proved that midgard was a place worthy of gods; it was the creation of poptarts.