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Percy leaps after him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. "Jace."
Jason marches forward, jerking his shoulder away from him.
"Jace, please."
Percy has to jog now to keep up.
"Jason!"
Percy's hand lands on Jason's shoulder with an iron grip, and he squeezes until Jason finally whips around to look at him. His eyes are burning a piercing blue and his skin is crackling, but Percy doesn't seem to care.
"What?" Jason's words are dripping with a venom Percy hasn't heard before.
He blanches. "Jason... talk to me- don't do this. Please."
"Don't what? Don't run off? Don't make the right choice? Don't protect everyone here like I'm supposed to?"
Percy steps up closer to him. "Jason, you know that's not going to work. You tried your best, okay? And sure failure sucks but it's gonna happen. Running away isn't-"
Percy tries to reach for him again but Jason slips out of the way and starts marching toward the door again. He picks up his bag from his chair and then slings it over his shoulder.
"Jason!" Percy calls.
Jason keeps walking, quickening his pace, and Percy makes a move to follow him, but Jason slams the door behind him right in his face. Fuming, he tears it back open and bounds across the living room to catch up. Jason's just opening the front door leading out of the apartment when Percy leaps forward and slams the door shut. Jason drops his bag to the floor and then growling, whips back around to face Percy who's glaring at him. Suddenly Percy is reminded that Jason was raised by wolves.
"What the hell, Percy? Just let me go!" He shouts, gesturing wildly with wide arm motions. "I can't do this anymore! I can't be what everyone wants me to be! I may be the son of Zeus but that does not mean I have any capabilities beyond any of you! I can't do it!"
"Don't you dare tell me that- don't you dare tell me you're not special because-"
"But I'm not! I'm not! I'm a failure! I'm the reason a bunch of people are dead, Percy. Do you know what that's like?"
"Hey- I supported you in this mission meaning I have just as much blood on my hands as you, so don't start saying shit like that! And don't slam the fucking door on someone trying to help you! You think i'm not struggling as well? You think I didn't have the same problems when I was the prophecy child?"
Jason scoffs and rolls his eyes. "I never said you didn't have it bad."
"Okay well then stop acting like you're the only one with problems! We all have problems! And the only way we can do anything about them is by helping each other! But- if you walk out that door- I swear by the gods- Jason. Jason!"
Jason's twisting the door handle again. "You've still got everyone else here, Reyna and Frank and Hazel- you'll be fine, you don't need me, and I don't need you."
"Jace-"
"I said I don't fucking need you!"
Percy's mouth closes, and his heart drops to his feet. A lump grows in his throat, and he stares back at his best friend until it hurts. His hands are clenched in fists and he brings them up to stuff in his eyes as he starts to feel the burning of tears behind them.
Jason sighs. "Perce, I didn't-"
"Yeah, you did," he whispers, his voice scratchy from trying to squeeze through his tight throat. He feels like a knife just went through his chest and now he's just bleeding out. "You're right."
"Percy, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"
"Just go!" Percy spits. He's not sure where that came from, but it flies off his tongue like nothing. He brings his arms back down to his side, his eyes probably an obvious red, and he points at the door. "If that's what you think is best, then fine. You're the hero now anyway. You're supposed to know what's right, right? I'm just here to listen to you- that's how it is, right?"
Jason swallows, noticeably uncomfortable. Percy could almost not care less.
"Is it not?" He grills.
Jason lets go of the handle. "I don't know." His voice is tight as well.
Percy turns away from him to take a deep breath and collect himself. Looking at Jason- seeing him so defeated- he's not sure he can handle what it's doing to his brain, his behaviour. He feels like tearing down a door and slamming it in his face. He feels like screaming til his lungs explode, and feels like strangling Jason in a choke hold. But he also feels like throwing his arms around him and pulling him into his chest. He feels like whispering soothing things into his ear, and the more he thinks about these things the faster his heart races and the lighter his head feels and the more he worries he's gonna lose his mind.
"Well I guess you better figure that out."
Percy doesn't hear anything but Jason's laboured breathing behind him. It's making his face hot. He knows Jason is still by the door, probably contemplating picking up the backpack and running for it. Percy wants to be there for him, be there for him the way Jason was there for Percy after Tartarus, but it's hard when Jason won't let him in. Why does everyone need to be so selfish? Percy just wants to grab him and yell at him and... and hold him.
Then he hears Jason take a step back. Percy listens for a little bit longer to try and figure out what Jason has decided without turning back around. He doesn't want to see Jason leave if he does. That's not how he wants to remember his best friend.
Then Jason's footsteps are getting closer, and his breathing louder. Jason's coming towards him! Percy waits a little bit longer to be sure, all the while his back tingles anxiously to sense him approaching.
"Perce... I'm really sorry," Jason whispers. "I won't go."
Now instead of feeling like he got stabbed, he gets punched right in the chest. Is it bad that he's so surprised? Did he really have that little faith in his friend? No. That's not it. Percy was worried Jason didn't care about him, and thought that would be why he left. But Jason chose to stay. For him.
Percy turns around, slowly at first, as if afraid to find Jason not there, but then he is there. His backpack is discarded by the door, and he's chewing his lip the way he does when he's really worried or guilty. When their eyes meet Jason's seem to spark with electricity and emotion. Apologies. Percy's eyes do the same but instead it's gratitude that pulses in his blood.
"I'm sorry," Jason says again. "Please forgive me."
Then the strangest thing happens. One second Percy is watching Jason chew his lip anxiously- god those lips- and he's contemplating the sincerity in the furrow of his brows, and then suddenly Percy is flinging himself at him. He grabs Jason's face in his hands and kisses him furiously while his eyes overflow with the tears he'd been holding back. Jason is shocked and stands still at first, but then he starts kissing him back, soft, tentative. Percy has no idea what he's doing, or what's come over him, but once Jason moves to push his tongue through his lips, all Percy knows is that he wants more and that he needs to take advantage of this moment while Jason is so willing. Percy jumps up to wrap his legs around his torso and Jason catches him and carries them back to the front door where he slams Percy's back into it. A shudder ripples up his spine and Percy tingles pleasantly all over.
"I'm so sorry," Jason mumbles through the tangle of their lips.
Percy just shakes his head, humming it's okay, and knots his fingers into Jason's hair, a few more tears still leaking from his eyes and slipping down to where they're attached at the mouth for him to taste the salt.
Jason's hands slip up his body, feeling and squishing into his abs and chest until he finds Percy's face where he runs his thumbs along his cheekbones tenderly.
Jason breaks away then, both of them gasping. Jason presses his forehead against Percy's.
Percy's eyes shoot open to look down to see where his legs wrap around Jason, his mouth falling open in disbelief. Then his eyes flick back up to see Jason's eyes squeezed shut, breathing heavily. His lips are wet and swollen, and it makes his stomach churn.
"You kissed me back," he whispers as it all sinks in.
Jason swallows. "Yeah. I did."
"But you- you're still hung up on Piper, aren't you?"
Jason shakes his head and then lets him down slowly. Once Percy's feet are on the ground again, he notices exactly how dizzy he is. Luckily Jason is still trapping him against the wall so Jason could catch him if he fell. "I know."
Both of them are quiet for a bit longer. Percy's heart is pounding as he tries to process everything that's happened in the past ten minutes. Them fighting, Jason almost leaving, Jason staying, and then Percy flinging himself at Jason like some kind of maniac, and then them making out. Percy's body feels fuzzy with warmth thinking about how delicious Jason's lips were, and how good it felt for Jason to pick him up like he had and push him against the door...
Then Jason pushes off from the wall and starts pacing. Percy watches through half-lidded eyes.
"I'm not over Piper! Or at least I thought so but... I don't know, Perce. I have no idea anymore what I think about anything because before... that, I was perfectly straight and now?" He looks up at Percy pleadingly, coming to a stop in front of him. "I'm not so sure."
Percy nods slowly. "Okay."
Jason looks like he's just walked through a desert and he's looking at Percy like he's the first source of water he's come across. It makes his skin burn, but he's frozen in place. Unable to do anything.
Then Jason steps towards him, and Percy steps back, only to be blocked by the door. Jason cautiously, uncertainly, places his hands on Percy's chest. Percy's breaths quicken immediately, and he worries that Jason can feel his heart racing. Then Jason leans in, agonizingly slow so that Percy can calculate every second between Jason's lips and his own. He stops right before the last second, hovering.
"Perce?" he asks. A small, desperate plea in his tone.
"Yes?" Percy wants to curse himself for how helpless he sounds. How eager, how breathless.
"Can I just... would it be okay if... can we try that again? I wanna know what it would be like." He rambles on nervously, and all Percy can do is grin and watch his lips move fast to explain himself. "With a guy, I mean. With you, specifically. I don't know what this means, I don't know what I'm feeling right now, I just know that when I used to look at you I would just feel happy, safe, but now I also feel like I'm on fire, and like I'm gonna lose my mind if I don't kiss you and I just..." The sound that comes up his throat almost sounds like a whine and it pierces every nerve in Percy's body. Percy never would have guessed Jason could be just as needy as him. "I wanna..." He licks his lips and Percy feels his tongue brush Percy's lips for the briefest moment, but long enough for him to register it in his mind. Long enough for him to insert it into every fantasy running through his head right now.
Then Jason curls his fingers into Percy's shirt collar. "I want you."
Percy doesn't waste that cue. He loops his fingers through Jason's belt loops and then pulls him up against him. Jason's lips crash onto his, and Percy can feel Jason's moan reverberate through his bones. Percy holds him tight against him, and once he feels Jason pushing back, he lets go to slide his hands up Jason's front. Percy goes over his big, broad shoulders and down his perfectly curved back. When his fingers hit the last knob of his spine, Jason shivers, his lips parting with a shaky intake. After that, Percy takes control.
He slows it down, drawing it out, deepening it. He steps away from the door, pushing Jason back and back one step at a time, not once fumbling with his lips until Jason's back hits the back of the island in the kitchen. Percy grins and then reaches down to grab Jason's shirt, pulling it up over his head. The kiss gets rougher now, faster, and then soon Percy finds himself leaving Jason's lips to kiss down his body, listening to Jason's breaths. Jason's skin, usually cool to the touch, is warm against his mouth, salty on his tongue. His head is spinning, he can hardly imagine how Jason must be feeling. For a second he wonders if he's feeling anything at all. Percy's worried now. But then Jason hisses his name as Percy presses his fingers into the crook between his hips and his thighs.
It's okay, he tells himself. Jason said he wanted me to do this.
Percy is just reaching to undo Jason's pants when Jason grabs his wrists to stop him.
"W-wait," Jason says.
Percy stops. He looks up at Jason. He's chewing his lip again, pulling at his scar, and Percy's heart melts. Of course, he's such an idiot. He should have double-checked.
"I'm sorry, Perce, I just-"
Percy straightens up, and takes Jason's hands in his. He leans in to kiss Jason's nose.
"No it's okay," he says. "Don't apologize, don't ever apologize. I'm sorry if you felt I was rushing you."
"No! It's okay. I just... I mean I didn't even know that I liked guys until now."
Percy can't stop the grin from stretching across his face. "Are you saying you like me?"
Jason swallows, his face is bright red. "Well I- I mean, I think so." Jason slips down from the counter, stepping right up against Percy. Jason looks down as he lays his hand on Percy's chest, as if needing to confirm visually that he can do that. Percy's starting to feel dizzy again. "You make me feel like Piper did. But... better."
Percy doesn't even know what to say. He opens his mouth but nothing comes. There's so many things he should say, he knows that, but for some reason he can't think. Today has been a whirlwind. His mind is suffering from emotional whiplash, maybe even some remnant physical trauma from the quest, and he knows the adrenaline hasn't stopped coming all day.
"I really am sorry for everything I said," Jason whispers. "I didn't mean any of it."
For a second he thinks Jason meant Jason saying he likes him, but then Percy realizes he must be talking about their fight. His heart melts again.
Still no words, not yet, he wraps Jason in a tight hug. He squeezes, trying to pull Jason as close to him as possible, wanting to shield him from everything he's been going through. Finally, he loosens his hold, but he keeps his chin on Jason's shoulder, his hands around his neck.
"I just want to help you," Percy whispers. His throat is getting tight, and he can feel the burn reigniting behind his eyes. "I just want you to be okay."
Jason buries his face into Percy's shoulder. Percy holds him, knowing that like himself, Jason's trying not to cry as he thinks about the people they lost. The blood on their hands.
"You make me feel okay, Percy," Jason says. "I know I said I didn't need you but that was probably the biggest fucking lie I've ever told. I need you so much."
Percy remembers Tartarus. The burning gets worse and a few tears slip out the corner of his eyes. He remembers how him and Annabeth tried so hard to recover, but in the end it was too much for them to be together, because they were together in hell. Percy remembers moving in with Jason, into this very apartment, and Jason helping him through all the nightmares, helping him move on from Annabeth, and move on with his life. Jason managed to do what Annabeth couldn't. Jason wasn't there with them, so looking at Percy didn't mean remembering all the worst things to happen in his life. To Jason, Percy was just Percy. Percy needed to be with somebody who still saw him as just Percy.
And now Jason needs him.
"Anything." His voice is hoarse, strained. He clears his throat and tries again. The burning subsides and his voice is clear. Sincere. "I will do anything you need me to."
Jason laughs a bit, that sort of weird half-laugh someone does when they're crying but starting to feel better. "Okay."
Percy lets go of Jason so that he can take Jason's face in his hands, and kiss him. When he pulls away, Jason gives him a small smile.
"I know that you might be really confused right now, because a lot's happened," Percy starts to say, "but I need you to know that I didn't kiss you by accident. I like you, Jason. I don't know anyone better at saving people than you and you know why? You were there for me when I was at my worst. I went through probably one of the hardest things that anyone could go through, and it destroyed me. It destroyed Annabeth. But somehow, you fixed me. And somewhere between all my breakdowns and you taking care of me, I started to really like you. And maybe I fucked up and you don't feel the same way after all and I've just made things more complicated for you but it's okay because..." Percy trails off, noticing how big Jason's smile is. "...why are you looking at me like that?"
"You're cute when you get passionate."
It's Percy's turn to laugh. His cheeks feel too warm for his face. "Not as cute as you when you're flustered."
Jason takes a deep breath. It's a bit shuddery but Percy can see his tears drying. Jason ties his fingers through Percy's. "Stay with me tonight?"
Percy smirks. "You were the one who almost left."
Jason rolls his eyes. "I'm serious, Perce."
Percy smiles and leans in to kiss Jason's cheek. He wants to kiss all of Jason, everywhere, non-stop. But he can wait. "I know. Of course I will."