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“Why are you here? I thought I told you to go.”
...
“What, nothing to say? Fine. I don’t care. Don’t give me that look; I literally do not care.”
“...That’s not true, Flowey.”
Flowey looked up. The human in front of him - Frisk, not Chara - was squinting down at him from narrowed eyes. “What do you mean, ‘that’s not true?’ I have no SOUL. I can’t feel anything! ”
“But you’re feeling angry right now, aren’t you?”
“Th-that’s different!” Trust a dumb human to completely misunderstand the situation!
Stupid. She was so stupid.
“How?”
He huffed. “I don’t know why you think I’d bother explaining it to you. You’re too dumb to get it, anyways.” ...Also, Flowey wasn’t very good at explaining. Not having anyone to talk to - really talk to - for untold resets had left him...socially challenged.
“I can’t understand if you don’t explain it.”
“I don’t want to explain it!”
Frisk huffed and half-turned. Over her shoulder, the door to Snowdin Forest stood ajar. Snowflakes blew in and settled on the floor, forming a clean-looking carpet over the accumulated dirt.
The Ruins had really started to fall apart after Toriel left.
“...Flowey? Can you at least try? I promise I won’t make fun of you if you can’t explain it well.”
“Wh-why would you think THAT’S the reason I won’t explain it to you??” It was totally the reason, but that’s beside the point. How did Frisk know?
“I can tell.” There was a strange look on Frisk’s face, and for a moment she looked more like Chara than Flowey expected. It was unnerving, like looking at a stranger and seeing a friend’s eyes staring back.
It was how Mom and Dad felt around Flowey, he figured.
“...Why do you care? ”
“Because you’re my best friend. Also, you’re stalling.”
Best friend. Right. “Hmph. Well. See...anger, frustration, boredom; these are negative things. I mean, I technically have a soul, I guess; I have something inside that’s animating me. Philosophically, that’s a soul. I just don’t have a SOUL.”
“Like...a human or monster soul?”
“SOUL, in all caps, but yes.”
Frisk stared over Flowey’s head, as if trying to decipher capitals from his manner of speaking.
Gah. This was why Flowey hated talking to people. It was so...annoying.
“So you have a soul, but not a SOUL.” She drew out the last word into at least five syllables. “What does that mean?”
“It means I can move. I can think. I can...well, I have some of Asriel’s memories. Whether that actually makes me Asriel or not, I’m…” he shuddered, “I’m not...sure.”
There was a look of sympathy on Frisk’s face. It hurt less than Flowey expected.
“Anyways! I can do a lot...for a flower, anyways. I can feel...some things. But...making an attachment to another person? Loving another person? That’s different. I can’t do that. I’ve tried.”
“But aren’t I your best friend?”
“In your words, sure; not mine.” There was a familiar twinge when Frisk looked away, face crumpled. Even after everything he’d done, some part of him hated hurting other people.
He had gotten very, very used to ignoring that part.
“I don’t believe you, you know. I don’t believe that you can feel bad things but not good things. It doesn’t make any sense! Why would that even be possible?”
“It...it just is! ” He clenched his eyes shut. “Besides, even if I suddenly could feel friendship and love and everything else you want me to feel, why would I? I’ve l-lived for so, so long. I’ve done so many terrible things. I may not be able to feel love, but...but I don’t feel regret, either. I don’t want to live a life where I can feel what I’ve done wrong.”
Frisk was quiet for a long time. He thought, for a moment, that she had (finally) left him alone to rot down in the empty Underground. When he opened his eyes, though, she was sitting beside him, leaned back on her elbows and looking up at the ceiling.
“You’re...still here?”
“Yup. You’re still my best friend, you know.” She was quiet again, but this time it felt...well, Flowey couldn’t put a word to it. Less tense, maybe. “You know, my gramma once said that love is a choice, not a feeling.”
...What?
“Yeah. ‘Cuz, see, some people think love is all about feeling nice around someone else, or being attracted to someone else. That’s where all the lovey-dovey stuff comes in, I think. But my gramma said, even if you really really like someone the feelings won’t always be there. Sometimes people fight, or they start liking other people or things more. Sometimes you just have a bad day. You can’t be happy all the time, and you can’t like everyone all the time either.
“Sometimes, people are just hard to get along with. My gramma says that my dad was one of those people; my mom loved him, but he and gramma couldn’t stand each other. But she said she had to love him for my mom’s sake, because he made my mom happy. Even though they didn’t like each other, they had to love each other because they were family. It was hard, but she had to choose to do what was best for him and my mom, even though the feelings weren’t there.
“Do you think you could try that, Flowey? Could you try to be around us, even though the feelings aren’t there?”
Flowey was...shaking, he realized. Was that...true? He’d seen people in love (his own parents were a prime example...or they had been, before his death and Chara’s had torn them apart) and they certainly had feelings. Asriel had had lots of feelings towards his parents.
Was it that...simple? A choice? Simply choosing to do what was best for someone else? Was that really a form of love?
...Had he been wrong all along?
“NO!” He jerked away from Frisk’s questing hand, which had reached uncomfortably close to his petals. “NO! I DON’T CARE! LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON’T WANT TO CARE! I DON’T WANT TO LOVE! JUST GO AWAY! I DON’T NEED TO BE SAVED! GO AWAY, GO AWAY, GO AWAY!”
He thrashed, his extended root system jostling Frisk from where she still sat next to him. He barely registered her rolling out of the way of his roots and vines that spasmed wildly in his agony.
Love?
Love??
He didn’t need such a thing! Frisk was an idiot for even suggesting such a thing! Why would he - how could she think that he would want that?
He was fine!
He was fine!
He didn’t need to be saved!
He calmed down, finally, after an untold period of time, feeling drained and empty - well, emptier than usual. He also felt dangerously cold. A quick glance showed that the door to Snowdin was open, torn off its hinges and cracked.
Frisk was nowhere to be seen.
Good.