Chapter Text
She was halfway down the jet way when she heard Phoebe screaming her name at the top of her voice. Immediately her heart dropped. And when she saw Ross standing there, it dropped further.
“Ok, you’re on,” said Phoebe to Ross, and stepped back to give them space, while at the same time completely failing in her attempt to look nonchalant and disinterested.
“What? What is it? You’re scaring me.” Was it Emma? Monica? Had something happened to someone she loved?
“Okay, thing is...don’t go.”
“What?”
“Please, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please don’t go.”
“Ohmigod,” she said, near tears. It was the only thing she could think to say.
“I know, I know I shouldn’t have waited ‘til now to say it. But I’m, I’m...that was stupid. Okay? I’m sorry, but I’m telling you now. I love you. Do not get on this plane.”
The emotion showed in his voice as well. Rachel couldn’t think. This was just too much. She needed more time.
Time, however, was not something she had a lot of. Already, the airline staff were finishing boarding the plane. She needed to go now. She pulled her hand away from Ross. Why was he making this so hard? Didn’t he know that this was something that was already so difficult for her? Didn’t he know that she had already spent at least one sleepless night debating herself about whether or not she should go?
“I’m so sorry,” she said with a sad shake of her head when she had finally pulled herself free of Ross and his pleas. She couldn’t bear the look of devastation on his face, and didn’t turn back before the door was shut and locked behind her.
On the plane, she couldn’t stop the tears spilling down her face. That wasn’t how she wanted to leave New York. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed the all too familiar number.
“Ross, hi, it’s me.” an uncertain beginning, apropos given her uncertain feelings. “I just got back on the plane, and I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It’s just that I wasn’t expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you’re there, and you’re saying these things…” Beautiful things, sure, but also things that pointed to all the reasons they broke up in the first place.
If he had given her this speech last week when she had first gotten the offer, maybe it would have been different. But instead he had waited, and now she was obligated, once again, to make a choice between Ross and work, but in this case, it was more like choosing between Ross and herself.
“And now I’m sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, but didn’t. Of course I love you too, of course I do. But this….us? It just doesn’t work. I’m sorry. We have spent so long making each other miserable. I think it’s time for both of us to move on and be happy. This time, I choose me. I’m sorry, Ross. I love you.” She hung up, and flipped the phone closed, the tears still slipping down her face.
All the way to Paris, she kept remembering her would-have-been wedding day. The frenzied cab ride into the city, with the tulle of her custom tailored wedding gown threatening to swallow her whole. This was different. It was a conscious choice, and not a panicked reaction. But it was also the same. A new life in a new city that forced her to leave her old bad habits behind.
In a little while, a feeling of peace settled over her. When she landed, she felt stronger.