Archive of Our Own ^beta

Josh locked himself in the bathroom. Tyler was in bed sleeping. He didn't notice Josh get up and go downstairs. He stared at his reflection in the mirror of the medicine cabinet. He tried to smile. Everyone always complimented him on his smile. It didn't look right to him, though. It was forced and awkward. He was teary eyed and his vision was blurry. He scoffed at himself. His mohawk was messy and overgrown. The sides hung over his ears a little. Tyler always loved his mohawk. Looking at it now, Josh thought he looked stupid. He pulled the trimmers out of the cabinet under the sink. He plugged it in the power outlet and switched it on. He watched the blades buzz back and forth. He had just shaved Tyler’s head for him the week before. Josh held the trimmers in front of his head and started to shave down the middle. He felt it get stuck and tug at his hair, but he forced it down the rest of the way grimacing at the pain. His mohawk was split down the middle. He snickered at the image in the mirror. He shaved the rest of his hair down to the scalp. Now Tyler wasn’t the only bald bitch in this house. Though, Josh admitted, Tyler pulled it off a lot better. He cleaned up the mess of hair in the bathroom. Tears fall to the floor when he bends over. He doesn’t dry his eyes. He puts the trimmers away and goes back to bed. Tyler wakes up when Josh come back to bed and lies down beside him. Tyler curls up behind Josh and wraps his arms around him. Josh’s body shakes until he falls asleep. The next morning, Josh woke before Tyler and got dressed. He threw a beanie on hiding his hair. The both of them finished getting ready for the day and drank their cups of coffee. Josh started both of their cars to warm them up. He kissed Tyler goodbye and they went their separate ways to work. On his way to work, Josh took a detour. He got himself stuck in traffic on the bridge. He was already late to work. On the middle of the bridge, Josh parked his car. The car behind him beeped their horn. Josh couldn’t care less. He stepped out of his car leaving it running. He walked to the side of the bridge. He took his beanie off throwing it to the ground. The cold, morning breeze hit his head. He lifted his sunglasses and placed them on top of his head. He looked over the rail and down at the water. The sun reflected on the water and shined in his eyes. He squinted. He lifted his right leg over the rail. Then his left. He sat there, his legs dangling over the edge of the bridge. He could hear voices screaming in the distance drowned out by the wind blowing in his ears. Tears were streaming down his face. The mix of his wet tears and the cold wind made his cheeks sting. He closed his eyes. He thought they were going to freeze shut. He let go of the rail with his hands. He could feel his body slowly start to slip down.

Just when he thought he was about to drop, he felt someone wrap their arms around him and pull him back to where he was sitting. His immediate thought was Tyler , but when he looked behind him it was the lady that was driving behind him on the bridge. She had a little girl in a car seat back in the car screaming for her. Josh grunted and muttered, “Don’t touch me.” He struggled to get out of her grasp almost making them both fall over the edge. Another person, a man, came over and helped the lady pull Josh back onto the road. They held him down on the ground. Josh screamed and cried. The cops came. They cuffed Josh’s hands behind his back and shoved him into the backseat of a squad car. They rushed him to the hospital. At the hospital, Josh was given a bed in the emergency room. He was put on suicide watch. He had a belt around his waist that strapped him to the bed and had an alarm on it. He wanted to cry so hard, but he couldn’t manage to get anything out. He wouldn’t talk to anyone. He just prayed to himself that someone would call Tyler. He just wanted to see Tyler’s face. He felt like he was there forever. Finally, someone pulled aside the curtain that separated his bed from the rest of the emergency room. Standing there was Tyler. His eyes were sad and puffy. Josh finally managed to let one word fall from his lips. The one word that’s been playing on repeat in his head. “Tyler.” Tyler rushed over to him climbing on top of the bed and on top of Josh. He squeezed Josh tight and Josh squeezed back. Josh could feel all of the pressure that had built up inside of him begin to pour out. The both of them cried together hysterically. The people in the beds beside them yelled at them to shut up, but they couldn’t care less. Josh’s eyes were closed and he whispered through his tears, “I love you.”

Josh opened his eyes again just before he hit the water. His last thought was Tyler , his name, his face, everything about him that Josh loved more than anything. Josh felt everything as he hit the water like an egg hitting cement. Every bone in his body shattered in one instant. He lied there, face first, his body disfigured and floating in the water like pieces of fish food. Voices screamed in horror from on top of the bridge. Lights flashed and sirens wailed in the distance. Tyler received a phone call at work to come to the morgue and identify a body. Josh’s body.