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When they got to the Lester's house and were told that Dan usual room was being painted and that he and Phil had to share his room, the brunette didn't think much of it, after all, they slept together all the time.
Well, they used to sleep together all the time back in 2009. I mean, it has only been, what? Seven years? They always fell asleep in the lounge and even ended up cuddling so, was there a differece?
The answer was yes. Yes there was.
It was currently 2:34 and Dan haven't got a wink of sleep and the reason was the sleeping form of his best friend right beside him. Or better say his even breathing, or the way he would mumble things from time to time, or the way his eyelashes scraped against his cheeks every once in a while and maybe he should stop thinking this way about his best friend.
Really, Dan has oppressed his inner conflicts about how he truly felt for his best friend a long time ago, and even thought he has gotten over those feelings (he hasn't) he still felt a little flicker of heart from time to time (all the time) every once in a while (on a daily basis).
Truly, he was just guilty. Even thought he knew that the black haired returned his feelings (he was sure of it) he had absolutely no right in having a romantic relationship with him (after all they already had almost every other type of relationship one could have with someone).
Why? You must be asking. Well, it was simple; 2012.
First, shut up. Really it wasn't that bad. Phangirls totally overreacted the whole deal. No, there were no heart wrecking yelling at the middle of the night, no, there was no angry sex against the wall, no horrible break up, no. Just pure awkwardness.
Let's start from the beginning okay?
The video, that video was indeed a prank, a half prank, because they were quite flirty and there was definitely something going on but that's were it ended. There was no midnight confession while having whiskers drawn in their faces back in manchster when no one heard. Nope.
Then the video leaked and yeah, Dan didn't freak out as much he did in those phanfics that had over a thousand notes on tumblr were he would blame it all in Phil and throw cringe-worthy tantrums but he did get more defensive because he remembered his nicknames back in school and the though of his subscribers turning like that was what it took for him to freak out enough to make Phil move and take off all the copies there were of it.
He still didn't have a reason for how he acted and the things he said, the awkwardness in the videos of that period was true and Dan hated it, but he didn't have enough courage to do anything about it, Phil did, and after that? Dan made the biggest mistake of his whole life.
"Why don't we give it a try?"
You know those new generation play station games? Those butterfly effect ones? Those games that you are faced to the most important question in the whole game, and that is obvious which lead to the good ending and which lead to the catastrophic ending were everyone died?
Just try to guess what ending did Dan choose in that situation.
"Don't be ridiculous, Phil." Please ask me again, I swear next time I'll answer correctly. "I-it would never work out you know it," he tried to cover up the trembling in his voice. He couldn't meet Phil eyes.
"Y-yeah..." Phil didn't expect that answer and Dan hated that he could notice. He hated that his fear was heavier than his desires, chaining him to the ground, not letting him go after the man he had loved for the past 5 years. "You are right, it was a rubbish idea..." No it wasn't. It was Dan's biggest wish so could you please punch me in the face once real hard and then ask me again?
Phil didn't, not that Dan was actually expecting him to. It would have been nice though. After that things went well, but Dan knew without doubt that that scenario would come back to haunt him back in one of his midnight crisis, making him think a thousand what if's that were nothing more that a million of impossible possibilities of what the outcome would of have been if he had answered with the truth. With three simple letters he muttered on a daily basis.
Yes.
Just imagining what could have happened made his chest ache. Speaking of midnight crisis.
Dan stayed there, staring his best friend chest slowly rising and then falling.
Maybe it was stupid still feeling bad about it, but after all, Dan didn't have enough courage to do something about it.
Slowly and quietly, as quiet as a gigantic clumsy noodle like him could manage, he got out of bed because suddenly it was too much and the need to wrap his arms around Phil like he used to do before became too strong.
When he finally got outside the room he sighed in relief and started walking normally until he got to the kitchen.
Dan sat on the kitchen stool and just laid his face in the counter, not really thinking, just making scenarios where he could just stay in bed with Phil and cuddle because he could.
But he couldn't.
"Dan?" The brunette jumped at the voice, startled from his day-night?-Dream. "What are you doing here darling? And so late?" Mrs. Lester asked, now next to Dan, already rubbing a hand on his back.
"Couldn't sleep" Dan murmured simply, it came out muffled as his face was still pressed against the kitchen counter.
"Nightmare?" She whispered, Dan shook his head. "Existential crisis?" In other situations Dan would laugh at how much she knew him, but he couldn't even if he tried so he just nodded. "Oh sweetie... stay right there." Dan didn't even plan on moving. Mrs. Lester just went out the kitchen and came back in an instant holding a blanket which she put around his shoulders and a bag of maltesers which she put in front of him. "Tea?" Dan shrugged and that was enough because Mrs. Lester in an instant boiled water and gave a mug to Dan.
She seated in the stool at the other side of the counter and quietly sipped her hot tea. Dan soon stood straight and followed her. The only sound was them sipping their mugs, on Dan side, he was having a rather intense staring contest with the small bag of maltesers.
"Phil always liked maltesers, but it was never such a big thing. It wasn't until he met you that he told me to 'always have a package of them just in case'" Mrs. Lester whispered with the intention of making Dan smile, but in the younger situation all she could take from him was a pained frown before his forehead met the counter once again. "Oh... it's that type of crisis, huh?"
Dan groaned in response and he heard Mrs. Lester sigh.
"So that's why he is not the one dealing with this." She whispered to herself and Dan wanted to disappear, he had no right in bothering Phil's mum with his mistakes.
At the other side Mrs. Lester couldn't do more than sigh. She had always hoped that her two boys would finally stop messing around and just get together, but even if she wanted, in matters of the heart, she shouldn't interfere.
She've been witness of Martyn's and Phil's broken hearts before, it was only fair for her to be there for Dan too. Just as she was about to ask Dan what happened the boy spoke.
"I'm in love with your son."
Mrs. Lester smiled.
"I know."
And that's all it took for Dan Howell to break.
He didn't notice when did the tears start falling, but he did notice when the arms of his second mother engulfed him in a tight and so warm Lester-worthy embrace, and as Dan hugged Mrs. Lester waist back he found out that he didn't want to let go.
Silent sobs against Mrs. Lester shoulder wrecked his body while the mother caressed his now curly hair.
"If I only had said yes that time..." Dan cried once he could. Mrs. Lester just listened, not sure what he was referring to but already getting the picture of what happened. "Oh mum... I'm so stupid, he wanted me and I was too scared and now I'm head over heels for him and he won't want me anymore..." She resisted the urge to scoff, knowing that wouldn't be the best thing to do in this situation. "I can't even tell him, he will think I'm playing with his feelings. He will hate me."
"Oh little bear..." She smiled softly before- to much Dan's displeasure- releasing Dan from her grip. She took his face between her hands, his nose was red and his cheeks had the trail of ongoing tears which she cleaned with her thumbs. He diverted his red eyes from her with an adorable sniff that made her smile softly. "Hey, bear, look at me." Once he did she smiled softly caressing his tear stained cheek, her heart warmed when he unconsciously leaned to the touch.
Suddenly, he wasn't the successful twenty-five year old man who lived with Phil, no, he was the shy nineteen year old boy with an obvious crush on his son who just left his home to meet this youtuber in the middle of manchester for the first time. He was the boy who kindly refused the first times she told him to call her mum and who finally gave in after the second Christmas he spent there with them. The same boy who once ran from home and bought a one way ticket so he could celebrate Phil's birthday, the same boy who brought happiness to his child life, the same kid Phil would never stop talking about, and now he was worried he hated him? Who wasn't getting the picture now?
"Don't be ridiculous, Dan..." Dan sighed "Do you think Phil is capable of hating you?" He looked away and she smiled, "Do you realize how unbelievable that sounds? Phil Lester hating you?" A small smile escaped against Dan's will, of course he knew it couldn't be true, but he wasn't the one talking now, it was his existential crisis. "Listen to me, bear." Dan turned to look at her, sniffing. Mrs. Lester hands still at each side of his face. She looked deeply into his eyes, and by the intensity of it all Dan felt his eyes whelming with tears again.
"Dan, you brought life back to my son. You are the reason he wakes up every morning and the reason he gets to sleep at night. You made him happier than no one else and I would never be more grateful for anything than for what you've done for him, what you have given up for him, through out these past years, and please, don't you ever doubt the fact that you are the love of Phil's life, because you are, yes?" Dan face broke into a grin and she kissed his forehead before hugging him tightly once again. "Phil hating you, what a piece of rubbish," Dan chuckled holding her closer.
"Well, he doesn't but I do, I hate him" he whispered earning a giggle from Mrs. Lester.
"You do, don't you?" She asked, her cheek pressed against his hair which she caressed lovingly.
"Yeah, i hate him. Such a dork," his voice was muffled by her chest making him sound even cuter.
"Hmm..."
"I hate him so, so much," Dan pulled away from the embrace meeting Mrs. Lester warm glance.
"Don't we all?" She asked moving brushing his fringe to the side. They both smiled and just stood there in silence. Dan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. All the doubts melted away, and once again he thanked that he could find a second family- a second mother- between the Lester's.
"Your tea is cold now," Mrs. Lester said after a while, looking towards the mug next to the untouched maltesers bag.
"I think I'll go to sleep now," he answered, taking her hand from his face and squeezing once. She just smiled and with one last kiss to his forehead she let him go.
Dan stood up and just as he was about pass the doorframe he turned around.
"Mum?" Mrs. Lester turned around from where she stood in front of the sink with her eyebrows rised. "Thank you." She just smiled softly and threw a wink at him and then Dan took off upstairs.
In his way there he passed before the closed room where Dan usually slept in, curiosity took the better of Dan and he slowly opened the door just to not be really surprised with what he found inside.
If it weren't almost four am he would probably of have laughed out loud, but right now he was exhausted so he just made his way to Phil's room and he gently got into the bed beside his sleeping best friend, he propped on his elbow looking at him as he slept, and he couldn't help but to notice his messed fringe and before his brain could warn him that it was a bad idea he was already brushing it into place.
He almost got worried when Phil eyelids flickered slightly but it wasn't until his deep voice sounded through the room that he almost jumped.
"...an?" Phil murmured huskily making Dan bit his lip. "You're back... where did you go?"
"Bathroom." Yeah, for like two hours.
"Hm..." Dan finally turned around towards his bedside.
"Goodnight,"
"G'night," Phil answered back, Dan heard him shuffling closer to him but before he even had time to question it he spoke again; "Oh and, Dan?"
"Hm?" He answered with his eyes already closed. Suddenly an arm surrounded his waist and pushed him closer, startling Dan.
"I hate you too, you spoon."
"What...?" The hell- Oh. Oh. Dan froze. He turned around alarmed.
"You hear-" but before he could finish, Phil lips met his and he was melting. Oh god he've been waiting for so long he felt his eyes roll back before he returned the kiss. "What. When. How?" Dan asked against his lips making Phil chuckle.
"I noticed that you weren't sleeping next to me anymore." He answered and Dan rolled his eyes.
"That's so cheesy,"
"It's supposed to be cheese-ow!" Phil exclaimed with a laugh.
"Please delete yourself," Dan giggled and he still couldn't believe.
"You made me wait a long time you spork,"
"I didn't thought you would still want me..."
"Bear, I'll always want you."
Okay, that was cheesy, but Dan was so damn happy he couldn't bring himself to say.
"I love you, Philip Lester."
"Unfortunately, I love you too, Dan Howell." To most couples that would be way too soon to say it, but with this two, they already knew from a long time ago.
And just like that, seconds later, Phil lips were on his again and everything was right.
It wasn't until mid kiss that Dan remembered something, making him grin so much he had to break the kiss.
"Your mum set us up,"
"What?"
"Your mum set us up," Dan repeated to a frowning Phil. "You know what? Nothing," and then Dan went to kiss him once more, and Phil forgot about it and responded the kiss with even more intensity.
And well, for those curious souls who wanted to know how did Phil's mum set them up; of course that when Mrs. Lester told them that the room was being painted and that Dan should sleep with Phil, none of them questioned it, so naturally they didn't check, but when Dan walked towards the room just some minutes ago, the sight he got made him smile inwardly.
Because as he opened the door there wasn't even a paint tin in sight.