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Chapter Text

"Mulan."

Her father's normal speaking voice sounded gentler than usual. After the accident at the matchmaker's, Mulan did not expect him to be so kind to her. Her life turned miserable since the day she set fire to the matchmaker's skirt. In the whole world, the only thing that was not awful this morning was her father. Her father, the old war veteran Fa Zhou, who should have been furious, who Mulan had thought would disown her for less than what she'd done at the matchmaker's, was the soul of gentle understanding.

"I know how you feel, darling." He whispered miserably. "I wish I could stop this from happening."

"You should not, baba." Curled up in a tight ball of misery against her father, Mulan watched her childhood house sway and pitch and lunge from view. She shifted her gaze to her father, "Why are you looking so sad?" She tried to smile forcefully, "It is my wedding day."

"You barely know him." Fa Zhou sighed, "I feel like I am marrying you off just to get rid of our burden."

Mulan knew how he felt. Even after the accident at the matchmaker's, when everyone started to blame her, her father never used any harsh word about her. She heard the neighbors talking about her with disgust, girls looking at her with pity, and her mother lowering her head in shame. She tore away her bridal make-up and ran into the deepest part of the forest to relive her family from this disgrace. She did not expect anyone to find her, but her father did. He always did. The wise, old war veteran Fa Zhou always knew his daughter well. Sometimes Mulan thought he knew her more than she knew herself. He led her home, laid in her bed, and stayed with her while she sobbed in his lap. Mulan knew her father was suffering too. She understood how much her family was suffering because of her. Why would not they? It was a disgrace to have a daughter declared as an improper bride in public.

Their suffering came to an end when an old friend of Fa Zhou came to visit. General Li, the captain of the emperor's army, came to collect soldiers for the impending war with the Huns. He stopped to visit the Fa family, and when he heard about his friend's trouble with his only daughter, he offered a solution.

"I think my son Li Shang can marry your daughter." He said to his friend, waiting for his reaction, "Since the war is drawing closer, I want to see some grandkids as soon as possible."

Grandmother Fa looked absolutely delighted. "Yes, it will be a great arrangement." She said.

"But mother…" Fa Zhou tried to protest, but the oldest member of the Fa family silenced her son immediately. Her mother, Fa Li gasped, and Fa Zhou sighed. An uncomfortable silence fell across the room. Mulan could only stare at her grandmother wordlessly.

"Look, son," Grandmother Fa said, finally breaking the silence, "It is the only way to bring back our lost honor." She watched Mulan from the corner of her eyes, and continued, "Besides who wants to marry a girl rejected by the matchmaker?"

It was true. Mulan looked at her father's thoughtful face and her mother's sad one. It was the only way to undo the damage she had done to her family.

Besides who would want to marry a girl who disgraced her family in public?

"It will be alright, baba." So, she took her father's hand and patted it gently. " I will be happy with my new husband. I will bring back your lost honor."

"Are you sure, darling?" Mulan could feel her father's keen eyes watching her anxiously. She was feeling as guilty as her father.

"Yes, I am, baba." She swallowed again and again.

The carriage stopped in front of the Fa family temple. Mulan made an effort to see the faces of the guests, but she could not see anyone except her mother and her grandmother. They had arrived in another carriage a few minutes before them. Her mother hurried to her side as Mulan stepped down from the carriage, and her father led her inside the temple.

A moment later another carriage arrived carrying the groom and his father.

*****

Despite her determination to ignore it, her wedding had a distinct aura of unreality, of strain. It actually took less than ten minutes, attended only by her parents, her grandmother and her future in-laws. She was led to the groom by her father. They had not exchanged a word except in answer to their vows. Soon after the ceremony, she was shoved into her new husband's carriage. Mulan was so much occupied with her own misery all the time, that she did not bother to look at her new husband. But now, sitting opposite to him, inside a coach, she could not but escape one or two glimpses of the man she had married. His name was Li Shang or so she had heard from her mother. He was the captain of one of the finest troops in the emperor's army. He had a distinct aura of supremacy around him. He was tall and muscular, well fitted for his position. His long dark hair was tied in a neat bun. There was something unnerving about his eyes; Mulan could not tell what it was. His expression was unreadable. So, Mulan could not tell whether he was happy or angry with this marriage.

It was odd that she felt so insecure and uneasy; Mulan mused, for she had just saved her family from further disgrace by this marriage. But now, being married to a complete stranger, she was feeling completely clueless, like she was at her wits and had no idea what to do next. Even she had no idea what kind of man her husband was, and the thought of going to bed with a complete stranger tonight was choking her.

So, Mulan looked out of the window, trying to enjoy the changing landscapes. But she could hardly concentrate because she felt her husband was watching her curiously like he was assessing her, and measuring her from all the angles. Maybe she had mistaken, but she was sure she had seen a hint of a faint smile on his lips.

Finally, the carriage stopped in front of a pleasant looking house, painted with ancient Chinese arts. The whole cottage was decorated with ribbons and candles of different colors. It was so beautiful, that Mulan could not hold back her curiosity.

Uncertain of what to do next, she asked, "What is this place?" She bit her tongue immediately. She forgot that brides were not supposed to speak without the permission of their husbands.

After all first impression always mattered. And she had just made a bad first impression on her husband.

She expected him to be furious. When she looked at his face, she found him watching her closely. His expression was still unreadable, but, as his gaze drifted from the top of her shining hair to the hem of her gleaming silk ruqun, she sensed that he was finally going to say something, and she held her breath expectantly.

"It is your new home," He smiled, offering his hand.

Chapter Text

Mulan's hands never stopped trembling when she served tea to the wedding guests, and she kept wondering if she was ready to take the responsibility of being a wife at all. Fortunately, she did not repeat the same incident at the matchmaker's and finished serving tea to all of the wedding guests without spilling or setting them on fire. She needed to find out which one of her lucky charms helped her today- the lucky cricket tucked inside her wedding dress or the blessing of her ancestors. After serving the tea, Mulan was finally allowed to take her seat beside her husband at the banquet table.

"A toast for my son and his bride." General Li announced his voice like a thunderclap in the unnatural, tomblike silence of the crowded hall. "May they enjoy a long and fruitful life together."

He raised his teacup and smiled warmly at the bride's parents. The Fa family raised their teacups and smiled gratefully at the groom's father. The crowd cheered wishing the new couple a lot of happiness. Mulan escaped a glance of her husband watching the cheering crowd. His thin lips were pressed tightly together and his face was expressionless. Mulan was dying to ask if he was feeling uneasy like her, but the newly wedded couple was not permitted to talk in the presence of elders.

She shifted her gaze to the foods from her husband. There were almost ten or more items were served, decorated with ingredients such as shark's fin, abalone, lobster, squab, sea cucumber, swift nests, fish roe on top of each dishes to symbolize fertility, to remind her duty to her husband, to remind her duty as a wife, even when she was married to a complete stranger.

*****

An hour later, clad in a cherry nightdress, Mulan followed her husband upstairs accompanied by an army of married women from the groom's family. They kept whispering pieces of advice in her ear about how to please her husband tonight, some of them were too extreme to make her blush. Mulan was actually seeking some advice from her mother, but she was with her father downstairs discussing the dowry. Finally, they stopped in front of their honeymoon suite and Mulan followed her husband inside.

The room was heavily decorated with roses- the walls, the ceilings, even the bedposts were adorned with gorgeous chains of flowers. Mulan glanced about her, admiring the beauty of the flowers around her and the crystal-and-silver lamps above her head. Luxuriating in the unexpected comfort of her new home, she tried to realize the fact that she was really married, ready to spend her first night with her husband. Her husband, Shang, who had already locked the door, sank into the comfort of the bed, stretched his legs out, crossed them at the ankles, and concentrated on a parchment he was carrying with him, lapsing into a comfortable silence. She wondered if he wanted to go through the next part of the marriage ritual tonight, and what she would do if he asked her to do so. She uttered a silent prayer that he might be as reasonable as he looked, and waited for him to start the conversation.

When he made no attempt to converse with her, Mulan sensed that he was not at all interested to talk, and she let the silence continue, content to watch the decorations of her new room. This room was decorated differently than her former one, holding everything necessary for an efficient captain of the emperor's army. She walked near the armor in a corner and ran her fingers absentmindedly over the shiny black surface. The armor also included a sword with a shiny golden handle carrying her husband's name. She tried to imagine him in the armor but it was not an easy task, so she glanced over her shoulder to find him busy with the parchment he was reading. Letting a sigh to escape, she picked up the sword and unsheathed it, trying to concentrate on something else.

"I have never seen a woman holding a sword." said a deep, unperturbed voice behind her.

Mulan whirled in surprise and found her husband standing just behind her. His dark eyes were watching her curiously. Realizing that she was holding a sword, which was very much against the rule, she lowered it immediately.

"My father let me play with swords when I was little." She swallowed hard.

Shang's amused glance slid to the way she was holding the sword, "That's interesting." he observed, slightly amused, "I hope you are not planning to use it on me tonight."

Mulan followed the direction of his gaze, realized that she was almost pointing the tip towards his stomach, flushed with embarrassment, and said with a mixture of distress and frustration, "I am sorry, I was just—"

He flicked a glance in her direction. "Playing with swords is dangerous;" he said with a slight hint of disapproval. "It is a man's job to do so. Girls and swords never match. "

It hurt her ego a bit. Her father always taught her to think herself equal to a man, and she could not agree with her husband's opinion. Trying to think of the best way to explain, Mulan ran a shaky hand through her dark straight hair, and Shang's gaze lifted, watching the unconscious grace of her gesture—really studying her for the first time. Candlelight glinted in her hair, gilding it with a golden sheen, and turned her magnificent eyes a dark, mysterious pool. The red of her wedding dress flattered her creamy complexion and the peach tint glowing at her cheeks.

"But my father thinks it is necessary to learn the basics for everyone." It was an act of disobedience, but Mulan said with quiet, implacable firmness, "He says most women are every bit as intelligent as men.."

"Do you really believe that?" She expected him to be furious, but when she looked at his face, she saw his eyes take on the sudden gleam of suppressed laughter and realized that he was amused by her view towards the world.

"Please stop treating me as if I haven't a wit in my head!" She said in a long suffering voice. "I have defeated my father twice in sword fighting."

"Are you challenging me?" Shang teased, noting for the first time her high cheekbones and the soft fullness of her lips. As he gazed at that arresting, delicately carved face with its winged brows and long, sooty eyelashes, he couldn't imagine how he had ignored her for this long. No husband would tolerate this kind of disrespectful behavior of his wife. But to his dismay, he found himself actually enjoying her stubbornness. "Now I wonder why you were declared as an imperfect bride."

"Will you kindly take me seriously!" Mulan was really irritated by his view towards women. Yes, she was not expecting him to have a high opinion about her, but she did not like being laughed at. "Women are not as weak as you think." She placed her hands on her hips and declared confidently.

For his part, Shang confirmed what he had already guessed about his new wife—she was sensitive, intelligent, and witty. He also discovered that she was even more hopelessly naive about social rules than he would have imagined possible. A part of him liked her unusualness, but his reasonable part told him to abide by the rules.

"A good wife never challenges her husband in a sword fight." He said coolly, decided to go with his reasonable side, "It is serious enough."

Mulan's heart sank. She always wanted a husband different from those arrogant, self-absorbed men she met, maybe a bit like her father, but unfortunately, he was not an exception. Like all other men, he expected her to be his little wife- calm, obedient and foolish. He expected her to obey his orders without any question, to fulfill his demand, to bear sons for him. Any wrong step would destroy the honor of her family.

"I am sorry." She apologized, the defiant glow in her eyes was gone, "I forgot the rules for a while."

Though she had accepted her defeat, Shang could not enjoy his victory. Instead, he felt a sharp pang of guilt inside him. The burden of his guilt was increased by the discovery that she was no longer holding the sword. For some weird reason, he missed the view of her holding a sword with such grace. He knew he had hurt her feelings, but he thought it necessary to teach her the rules of surviving in the society, "Do you realize," he said softly moving to her side, "what will happen if any of the wedding guests find out about our little argument? What will they think about you?" When she said nothing, Shang laid his hand on her sleeve, trying to drive some sense into her thick head. "We must follow the traditions. An ideal wife brings honor to her family by bearing sons for her husband. That is how marriage works. "

Mulan was not unaware of the wedding rituals. But was it the real way to make a marriage work? Could she be a good wife by pleasing her husband and in laws? She looked back at his face trying to make some sense of his words. He changed for the night, and Mulan quietly admired the way his tight-fitting grey pants and white socks emphasized his long, muscular legs. He was wearing nothing beneath the wedding costume, displaying a glimpse of his tanned throat through the vee of his crimson robe and the twin dragons embroidered over his sleeves embraced his powerful shoulders to wonderful advantage. She was expecting him to be furious with her, perhaps beat some sense into her rebellious head. But she never expected him to be so gentle. Mulan could feel the intensity in his eyes, and her uneasiness grew.

"Is it obligatory for us to consummate our marriage tonight?" She whispered shakily. The thought of having sex with a complete stranger was chocking her.

"That is the tradition." Shang shook his head slowly, "Tomorrow we must visit our family temple and pray to our ancestors. And we will be allowed to enter the temple only after consummating our marriage…."

"But what about the other things, essential things like…" Mulan persisted, her voice trailed off in horrified silence, cutting him off in the middle.

"Like what?" Shang asked, a bit puzzled.

Like love, she thought. Love was the only essential. Unable to choke out the word, Mulan hastily looked away and shrugged noncommittally.

Love, Shang silently filled in with a resigned sigh, wanting to seek some advice from his father. Somehow this girl reminded him of his mother. She taught him to value his heart above everything, while his father taught him to follow traditions. Mulan wanted a marriage based on trust and love, not traditions and biological needs. She wanted more than bearing sons for him. A part of him wished to think like her, but his reasonable part was telling him to follow the rules. Adamantly unwilling to stand out here like a besotted fool and try to teach her about the social rules he always found a bit confusing, he decided a kiss would be the quickest, most effective, and most expedient way to fulfill his duty and neutralize her misgivings, so that they could finish the ritual of the wedding night.

Mulan was not expecting this. She jumped nervously when his hand suddenly lifted and cupped her cheek, forcing her to give up her embarrassing study of decorations of their honeymoon suite. She lifted her eyes and gazed into his tanned face. His expression was unreadable, and she had no idea of what he was actually thinking.

"Tradition comes first," he said in a low, velvety, unfamiliar voice that sent an unknown fear darting up to her spine. "And I want you to be my perfect wife tonight."

Chapter Text

How could she be a perfect bride, a perfect wife to her husband? Was it just about following rules, entertaining him in the bed and bearing sons for him? Or was it something more? Something more like love, trust, friendship, and respect- something like the relationship her parents shared. Mulan looked into his dark, fathomless eyes and her heart slammed into her ribs. No, she was not ready for this yet. No, she was not. Bent on doing anything to delay him from what he meant to do to her, she returned his gaze with equal confidence. Fastening a bright, inquisitive smile upon her face, she returned her gaze to the sword in her hand and seized on a subject sure to interest him. "I've heard it said you have fought many battles for the emperor," she announced changing the subject, raising her confident eyes to look at her husband's face. "How many times you were disarmed?"

Her sudden change of topic surprised Shang. No woman dared to ask him such question before. He lowered his gaze to look at her confident smile, and the sword she was holding with such grace. It suited her, he thought against his will. But unfortunately, it was not what he was willing to discuss with his wife tonight. "Twice." He replied with cool indifference.

"Twice!" She exclaimed. Twenty would have been a minute number, Mulan thought with a slight twinge of pride. Any woman would be proud to have this man as her husband. Any woman would be proud to bear his child …she thought unwillingly…any woman. Unfortunately, she was the one out of the league, and no angel of deliverance was going to swoop in through the window to save her from her fate tonight.

"I see." She said with a forced smile, trying hard to divert her husband's attention, wondering if he was angry with her disobedience. But his expression was so indifferent that she could hardly guess anything. So she decided to continue with her trick, "That's amazing, considering how many battles you must have fought in all these years. My father managed to disarm me too often." She added.

"What a pity." A curt reply came from him. Mulan cringed when she noticed a slight hint of annoyance in his face. She had no idea whether her lack of skill in showmanship or her desperate measures to divert the conversation was annoying him.

"Perhaps you can teach me some of your skills," she suggested a little wildly, holding the sword close to her breasts, her tension compounded tenfold by his clipped answers. "Shall we do that now?"

Shang was amazed by her courage. No wife should ask her husband to teach her men's skills. In his last few years in the emperor's army, he got chances to train a few troops. Most of them were unwilling to learn anything. Shang was very much tempted to challenge her in a sword fight or to measure her skills, but no, the bedroom was not a place for things like this. Not when she was the woman he married only a few hours ago. He discarded the idea and walked near her. Placing his hand over hers, over the sword she was holding close to her chest, he interjected smoothly, "Women are not supposed to learn men's skills. Now I have a question." He voice sounded stern as he tried to teach his disobedient wife something about the social rules, though his heart sank when he saw the disappointment in her beautiful eyes. "Did not your family teach you about the duties of a wife? Or are you trying to avoid the next part of the marriage rituals?"

Instead of defying him again, which Shang half expected her to do, she surprised him by saying in a helpless little whisper, "But how can I please you when I don't know you properly?"

His brief spurt of annoyance at her attempts to manipulate him for the last few minutes abruptly dissolved, and as he looked at her looking miserably at the sword, he realized that he had just shattered her romantic dreams. He did not like the disappointment veiling her beautiful face. And yes, the spark of intelligence. He was really enjoying her intelligent effort to divert his attention. A part of him wanted to tell her about his dreams, the whirlwind romance he wanted when he was a teenager. As he grew, he learned that it was traditions which were the most important things to live in society. It was the rules which could bring honor to a family. He must teach his wife to do the same.

Gentling his voice, he took a step towards her, extending his hand to her. "Breaking rules never brings honor, Mulan." He said, remembering the words his father used to say to his mother too often. "Traditions are what that shapes us. You can find happiness if you follow them. Just let me teach you."

It was the words that her mother used when she fought with a sword with her father or ran away to play with boys, while other girls perfected themselves as potential brides for their husbands. As a result, when every girl in her neighborhood secured a desirable husband, she ruined the honor of her family. She had no right to ruin their hopes anymore with her silly dreams.

Her knees quaking violently, Mulan returned the sword to its original place and walked over to him, trying to tell her outraged conscience that the act she was about to commit was a part of her wifely duties, a part of saving her family honor. Her parents went through these rituals before. She could do this too.

Hesitantly, Mulan placed her cold hand in his warm palm, watching as his long, tanned fingers closed around hers, finding a strange reassurance in the warmth of his grip and the compelling look in his eyes. And when his arms encircled her, drawing her against his hard, muscular length, and his parted lips touched hers, her conscience abruptly went silent.

It was a kiss like none of her dreams, not romantic, not gentle. It was a kiss to introduce a maiden to the world of forbidden passions, or what she had expected. It was methodical and slow, for he knew where it would end. Mulan was confused for a moment and looked into his eyes. He only told him to follow his lead. His tongue slid across her lips, urging them to part, insisting, and the moment they did, it plunged into her mouth. Mulan tried to return his kiss with equal passion as she did not want to disappoint her husband with her naivety anymore. He had tolerated enough of her stubbornness, and she was grateful that he did that for her. She was grateful because he was so gentle with her while other husbands would beat some sense into her rebellious head. His hands glided restlessly, up and down her back, her breasts, sliding across her spine, pressing her tightly to his hardened thighs, and Mulan felt her body answering to his call against her will. With a silent moan of helpless surrender, she wound her arms around his neck, clinging to him for support.

"Is this what a perfect bride supposed to do?" She thought as she felt her wedding dress falling away, and then the brush of his palms against her swollen breasts, the sudden increase in ardor in each of his expert kisses. Arms like bands of steel surrounded her, lifting her, cradling her, and then she was being carried to the bed and gently laid down upon cool sheets.

Surfacing slowly from the dreamlike daze where she had deliberately sought refuge from the reality of what was going to happen, Mulan felt cool air touch her skin and, against her will, her eyelids opened. He was standing beside the bed, removing his clothing, and a tremor of alarmed admiration quaked through her. In the glow of firelight, his skin was like oiled bronze, the heavy muscles in his arms and shoulders and thighs rippling as his fingers went to the waistband of his pants. He was splendid, she thought, magnificent. Swallowing a knot of fear and embarrassed admiration, she swiftly turned her head away, her fingers clutching the edge of a sheet, using it to partially cover herself as he removed that last piece of concealing clothing.

The bed sank beneath his weight, and she waited, her face turned away, her eyes tightly shut, wanting him to finish this act swiftly before more cold reality returned to her.

Shang wanted to finish the act as swiftly as she did. In his mind, the sole purpose of marriage was procreation and sex was only a part of it. There was no question of love, no question of patience or other things. But his breath stopped when he looked down at her naked splendor. Unwillingly, a part of him was feeling disappointed to see her squeezing her eyes shut so that she could go through this. For some weird reason, he began to feel guilty for ruining her innocence without a proper introduction, for shattering her romantic dreams like this. Something inside him was telling him to stop now. Somewhere in his mind, he wanted to know her better, to find what she wanted, to wait until she surrendered in his arms willingly. But another part of him was telling him to finish his duty as her husband. His conscious mind was aware of the upcoming ceremony waiting for them at their family temple where the new couple was supposed to pray after consummating their marriage. His reasonable part told him not to break the age-old tradition for a girl who had her head above the clouds.

Stretching out on his side, he brushed a light kiss against her ear, and gently pushed aside the sheet. "It is time now." He whispered in her ear.

When Mulan kept her face averted, her eyes tightly closed, his fingers gently grasped her chin, turning her face toward his. In a voice like rough velvet, filled with admiration and gentleness, he whispered, "Open your eyes, Mulan. It will hurt only a bit."

Mulan held her breath as her skin burned with the heat of his kisses and braced herself for the upcoming event which was going to change her life forever, would mark her as a married woman. I can do this, she thought. She never feared to try new things. She could be brave enough to do this too.

Reluctantly, Mulan obeyed and found herself staring into his gentle dark eyes that held hers imprisoned while his hand slid from her cheek to her hip. "Don't be afraid," he ordered softly as he positioned himself on the top of her, ready to end her maidenhood, "It will end soon."

Chapter Text

Sunlight spilled through the window, and in her sleep Mulan rolled onto her stomach, reaching out with her arm for her pet dog. Her hand encountered cool sheets, not warm flesh. Her cheeks met the softness of the feather pillows, instead of Little Brother's tongue. The unfamiliarity of her usual waking ritual brought her from deep, sated sleep to sharp awareness in the space of seconds. Her eyes snapped open as she rolled onto her back, her gaze scanning the room, sweeping over the furnishings that loomed like ghostly shadows in the faint morning light.

The soothing caress of the unseasonably balmy southern air had helped restore her spirits, but even so, she felt as if the whole world had turned upside down last night as she looked at her reflection in the mirror on the wall. She stood up to make a quick assessment, stretching her body automatically, tensing and flexing her muscles. There were stiffness and a lot of soreness, too, it was true, but mostly there was the odd sensation between her legs.

The awful realization had hit her just as she looked down to the bed sheets and found them stained with blood… her blood…

She was not the same girl from the day before. Now she was a married woman, graced by her husband's favor on her wedding night.

Her heart sank when she could not find her husband in their bedchamber. Even the crimson robe he discarded on the floor sometime in their night together was gone. He might have left their chamber soon after consummating the marriage, or so she assumed from the coldness of the bed. She could not expect her husband to stay in the bed with her in the broad daylight, it was not appropriate for a man to cuddle his wife longer than it needed. Mulan did not expect her husband to do so either.

Yet the memories of last night were not so unpleasant. Her husband was not as inexperienced as she was, and he certainly knew how to please his woman. He found her most sensitive spot within minutes and made her moan, though she dreaded the fact that she was having sex with a complete stranger. Well, he was her husband, but still, she knew nothing about him, except how much he valued his family rules and how good he was in the bed. But for some weird reason, she again longed to see his face, his lazy smile sweeping across his face when he kissed her mouth gently, whispered soothing words when he ended her maidenhood…It was a feeling she never felt before, she did not even know what it called.

It was not love, she knew…

Her thoughts left the past and shifted to her reflection in the mirror. Aside from the soreness, she noticed a faint purplish bruise in her upper arm. Her eyes trailed upwards to her neck and found another. Love-bites… her married friends used to describe them.

Highly inappropriate, Mulan thought, there was no love in the ritual they performed last night, she decided glumly. As far as she had seen her husband, she realized that he was a stern man. Her silly dreams held no value to him.

"Mulan," Her mother said behind her.

Mulan grabbed the bedsheet, making a stern effort to hide her shameful state. Fa Li stepped inside her daughter's new chamber and looked around her. Looking at her daughter's disheveled state, she quickly picked up the wedding gown from the floor.

"Let me dress you." She said softly, draping the wedding robe over her uncovered shoulders.

If it was like other times, Mulan would refuse her mother to help her to get ready for the day. It was a tradition for the bride's mother to dress up her girl before giving her up to her in-law's family forever. It was more like saying goodbye, so Mulan did not stop when her mother filled the bathtub with warm water.

"Mama, do you love baba?" Fa Li's head snapped with her daughter's question. She stopped scrubbing her daughter's arm and gazed at her shampoo covered face.

"Of course, I do, Mulan." Fa Li tried to read her daughter's mind by looking into her eyes, but her eyes seemed so distant. "Without love, we could never live so many years together." She replied calmly, though her heart trembled with an unknown fear. She was well aware of her daughter's untamed nature, so she was afraid that she might do something that displeased her new son-in-law. She only hoped that he did not punish her too badly. "Why are you asking this now? Did you do something to displease your husband?" She asked her daughter, just to be sure of that.

Mulan, who had forgotten her mother's habit of being afraid of simple matters, smiled reassuringly at the worried woman, but her mind was on a different matter: "I was just wondering how to live with a man I don't even know."

"Every woman will eventually learn to do it." Fa Li said.

Mulan's head jerked around and she stared at her mother. "Why do you say such a thing?"

"Because," Fa Li eyes became soft as she looked back at her daughter, "I did not know your father when we got married. But I finally fell in love with him." Fa Li smiled at her daughter. Her face filled with such a warm glow that Mulan had never seen before. " I fell in love with him when he soothed me after I lost your brother. I fell in love when I knew that he spoke my name in his fevered dreams when he lay injured on the battlefield. When we had you, it only grew stronger. His love was so true that he refused to take another wife when I failed to give him a son."

Mulan was shocked by her mother's simple confession. But her words were so true. She had seen the loving exchanges between her parents, even when they simply looked at each other. But her mother was a perfect image of a perfect wife- loving, caring, gentle, everything that any man could expect from his wife. Unfortunately, Mulan was not her mother. She possessed the exact opposite nature of her mother. She was nothing close to the image of a perfect girl. What about all the imperfect girls like her? Was she doomed to live an unhappy life, unloved by everyone?

Her head ached with worry as she stepped out of the bathtub. Fa Li wrapped the robe around her body, and Mulan turned around so her mother could help fasten the slash around her waist.

"I don't know if he really needs a wife to love." Mulan sighed as her mother finished fastening the ribbons in her hair. "I know nothing about him, mama."

"Of course, he does. Everyone man seeks a perfect bride, a perfect woman to spend his life with." Fa Li said taking her hand, helping her to stand up from the bed, which surprised Mulan. She never expected her mother to think so deeply about anything beyond her little family. "Now it is up to you, Mulan, to become his perfect bride."

As Fa Li led her towards the Li family temple, Mulan was greeted by the extended family of her in-laws. Her father took her hand when she reached at the end of the stairs. Fa Zhou never looked so happy before, not since the matchmaker debacle. Women in brightly colored dresses accompanied her as her father led her to the altar where her husband stood with her new father-in-law. Old General Li seemed proud of his son, while Shang matched his father in an equal prideful manner. Their eyes met for a second, and Mulan failed to stop her treacherous heart's reaction at the mere sight of him. He was dressed in blue robes for the ceremony which clung tightly to his well- built body, his black pants shaped his muscular thighs so beautifully and perfectly, that Mulan could hardly take her eyes off him. Why she wondered desperately, could she still feel his hands upon her skin, and why did the mere sight of his face call to mind the tender roughness of his kisses. She accepted his hand and followed him inside the temple, where a huge statue of Lord Buddha stood in the middle. Rest of the wedding guests gathered in the opening in front of the temple, and the new couple knelt in front of Lord Buddha and performed the ceremonial bows to the heaven and earth, to the ancestors, to their parents. And finally, they bowed to each other.

The audience busted into applause as soon as they finished their bows. General Li walked up behind the new couple and took his new daughter-in-law's hand. "Welcome to the Li family, child."

'Welcome home, wife." Her husband whispered behind her. Mulan turned around to meet his eyes, but he had already joined the rest of the family.

People from her in-law's family came to greet her, and Mulan accepted their greetings with a warm smile. It was a strange situation with new families, new name, new responsibilities. She wondered if she was ready for any of these.

The Fa couple was due to leave soon after the ceremony. A carriage was already waiting for them at the temple gate. Fa Li came up to her first, wrapped her arms around her daughter, and kissed her forehead. Her father sat beside them and wrapped his arms around the two most important women of his life. Mulan knew how they felt. It would be a long parting because they would not be able to visit her for another full year. Her mother told her about the duties of a wife, the duties of a mother, the duties of a good bride to her in-laws. Mulan listened, wondering why her mother was telling her these now because she told her the same things so many times. She could feel the tension in her voice, maybe she was too worried about her daughter's wild nature.

So she held her mother, and let her talk until she ran out of words. Then she looked into her eyes, when her mother said, "Promise me, Mulan, you will not do anything to ruin the honor of your in-laws."

This time, Mulan could not hold back her tears. She hugged her mother tight, and whispered, "I will mama."

Fa Zhou walked behind his daughter, and kissed her forehead, "And bring us honor."

Mulan let go her mother and gazed into her father's eyes. "I will, baba. I will try."

Fa Zhou smiled, and let go her hand. Gently he took his wife's hand and led her to the carriage waiting for them. Mulan stood in the balcony and watched them go. She watched as long as their carriage disappeared from her sight.

She mumbled a silent prayer for her parent's safe journey, while her father's voice continued ringing in her head, Bring us honor…

Chapter Text

With the festivities of the wedding being over, everything began to go back to normal. By the third week, all of the wedding guests left, and the number of members of the Li family reduced to only three. As the only woman in the house, Mulan's day started with greeting her father-in-law, praying to Lord Buddha, instructing the maid what to make for the breakfast, looking after the chickens, gathering dirty clothes for washing, then again instructing the maid what to make for the dinner. She was not really good at those things; still, she remembered her mother's advice and was trying her best to be a devoted housewife. She remained all alone in the big Li house when the men left for their respective works, except the maid, who really was not a very interesting companion. So, in her spare time, she tried some sewing, with a hope to make a new Hanfu for her husband before their first winter together, and looked forward to her husband to come home.

When she finally got the chance to meet her husband at night, he seemed too tired from working all day. Mulan was eager to help, ready to do anything to ease her husband's tension. She brought him tea, arranged his discarded clothes, and asked him about his day. It was highly inappropriate for a woman to ask about manly matters, but Shang had no energy left to teach her about the social rules tonight; so he concentrated on finishing his tea, then having to join the war council afterward.

"You can change the strategy a bit," Mulan suggested when he commented on the Huns invading the southern borders.

Shang lowered the teacup from his lips, and regarded her with a mild curiosity, "Really? Of what kind?"

"Like spying on the Huns and learning their battle skills." Trying to think of the best way to explain, Mulan ran a shaky hand through her dark hair and Shang's gaze was immediately drawn to the unconscious grace of her gesture—really enjoying her attempts to talk about the matter which was not really her forte. "It will help to find their weaknesses." She added a bit hesitantly.

"That is interesting," Shang said absently, unconsciously admiring her high cheekbones and the soft fullness of her lips in the dim candlelight. "Where do you get such ideas?" He teased playfully, feeling aroused by the roundish, delicately small face with its winged brows and long, sooty eyelashes, he couldn't imagine how such intelligence met her delicate features.

"My father told me once." Mulan replied a bit stubbornly, realizing her husband's teasing tone and intense glare, "You can fight your enemy better if you know them—"

"Did he really teach you that?" Shang demanded, not shifting his gaze from her fascinating face. She was perfect in every way, except the naivety, which was her only flaw. No man expected his wife to think like a man. For some weird reasons, her every attempt to speak something witty was turning him on like having a secret orgasm. It annoyed him. He could not let his wife speaking nonsense all the time. As a respectable man in society, he had to teach his wife how to talk properly outside the privacy of their bedroom.

"I'm familiar with the technique," Shang hardened his voice a bit, finally deciding to discourage her from having those unacceptable thoughts, "I'm merely surprised that a female would be familiar with such battle strategy."

Mulan's heart sank realizing her husband not really appreciating her ideas. He actually disliked it. Her dark eyes lost their brilliant glow when she realized the truth. "He did not teach me battle strategy," Her heart moaned in protest as she tilted her head to the side, and gazed into his unfathomable dark eyes, seeing the cynicism lurking in their depths.

Transfixed, Shang stared at her as she met his gaze with such confidence. He never met any woman speaking with so much wisdom. The courage and indomitable spirit he had sensed in her the night of their wedding, was in her voice now as she lifted her eyes to meet his, and informed, "I was just thinking about the alternatives. I was bored of being alone all day."

Shang was irritated to learn how much old Fa Zhou had spoiled his daughter, but he could not but feel pity for the girl. He softened his tone, and said, "But now you have many other things to worry about."

She dropped her gaze from his face and looked at the ground beneath her feet. "You think I am foolish." she sighed. Stiffening her spine and ignoring the sharp stab of disappointment she felt by his comment, she said with a miserable smile, "But I heard the neighbors saying how strong the Huns are."

Determined to beat some senses into her stubborn head, he moved behind her, but his thoughts changed when his eyes met her saddened face. He did not like her looking at the floor with such a miserable look in her face. He admired her spirit, and for some weird reason, he was beginning to like her difference from other girls. He missed her courage and defiant glare, and suddenly he realized that the definition of his perfect wife really did not suit her. And his desire to have her underneath him only grew.

"It is not appropriate for women to think about crude things like war and violence." He whispered in her ear. "You are made for something important than this."

Mulan, who was misled by the matter-of-fact tone of his words, failed to instantly absorb the import of his words. Although she was still miserable and hurt from her husband's view towards women, the sudden tenderness in his voice surprised her. His fingers splayed sensuously across her cheek, and he smiled—a slow, lazy smile that made her heart leap unwillingly into her throat. Instantly wary, she demanded without preamble: "What are they?"

It was obvious that his wife was attracted to him too, and when he gazed into her heavily lidded eyes, he could not ignore the secret admiration he felt for her. He glanced toward the entrance of the bedroom to make certain they were private, then he turned the full seductive force of his dark gaze and a lazy smile on the girl standing before him. "Like," he said, smiling reassuringly into her deep dark eyes as he matched his actions to his words, "Pleasing your husband in the bed."

The name of her first lesson made her blush immediately. The memories of their nights together were still vivid in her mind, and she could not ignore the longing she felt for her husband whenever she was alone. Mulan glanced down at the strong, long fingers gently imprisoning her upper arms, then at the vee of his night robe, before she finally raised her embarrassed gaze to his. "But we have done that last night."

Shang squelched his shout of laughter, as well as the thoughtful reply that automatically sprang to his lips. "But you must be ready to do that when your husband wants to." He taught her. "It is necessary to bring our son to this world." He explained, "We need more warriors to stop Huns, and you must give birth to one of them."

It is not supposed to happen in this way, Mulan thought frantically.

It is the only way, Shang silently promised with an inner smile, correctly interpreting her mutinous expression. Tipping her chin up, he gazed into those wide, rebel eyes of hers, and tenderness began to unfold within him—a sensation that had been as foreign to him until he met this unspoiled, unpredictable, artless child-woman. He felt, for the moment, as if he was gazing into the eyes of an angel, and he touched her smooth cheek with unconscious reverence.

The look in his eyes contained a poignant tenderness she hadn't seen in his features before, and she desperately wanted to believe that he wanted something more than sex from her. Something like love…She looked at his face, and whispered, "But what about love…"

"There is no such thing called love." He whispered as his lips took hers in a kiss. He started it methodically, with an aim to teach her about the art of lovemaking. But he was terribly wrong; he realized the moment when he touched her lips with his. Her unwilling lips evoked an unfamiliar sensation inside him, and the quiet kiss changed it's course suddenly. His mouth slanted over hers with fierce tenderness, while his hand curved around her nape, his fingers stroking her sensitive skin, and as his other arm encircled her waist, moving her tightly to him.

Mulan's eyes opened wide. It was nothing like the kisses they had shared before- not the slow, sensual kisses when he took her to the bed in other nights. It was tender, it was fierce. Out of pure instinct, Mulan slid her hands up his hard chest and wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him for support, innocently and unconsciously molding her body to his length. The moment she did, the seducer became the seduced: Desire exploded in Shang's body, and the girl in his arms became an enticing woman. Automatically, he deepened the kiss, his mouth moving with a hungry, persuasive insistence on hers, while Mulan clung tighter to him, sliding her fingers into the crisp hair above his neckline, her entire body racked with a jolt after jolt of wild pleasure. He kissed her long and lingeringly, then he touched his tongue to her trembling lips, coaxing them to part, insisting, and when they did, his tongue slid between them, filling her mouth. His hand shifted from her back to her midriff, sliding upward toward her breasts.

Whether from fear or desire, Mulan moaned softly, and the sound somehow penetrated his aroused senses, dousing his desire and dragging him reluctantly back to reality.

There was a knock at the door. Shang dropped his hands to her narrow waist and raised his head, staring down into her intoxicating young face, unable to believe the passion she had unexpectedly evoked in him.

It should not be in this way, he thought, it should not be. He was supposed to make her bent to his will, not losing his control over his desire.

"Master Shang," The maid said from the other side of the door, "Master Li expects you to join the council."

So, he let go of her hand and picked up his robe from the bed. "I must join my father in the war council." He said slipping the robe over his head and left the bedchamber leaving a very confused Mulan behind. 

Chapter Text

Mulan ran her fingers over her lips, still red and swollen from the kiss, and wondered what it was.

It became clear to her on the third week of her marriage that the relation between her and her husband depended only on sex. He wanted her body to please him, her silly ideas had no value to him. In his eyes, women are only an instrument of reproduction. But sometimes…in fact a several times, nothing could explain the strange tenderness she had seen in his eyes, of the way he looked when he laughed at her silly thoughts, when that lazy white smile swept across his tanned face, or…

Mulan jerked her mind from such thoughts and gathered the teacups on a tray. She ran her fingers through her disheveled hair and left the kitchen. Male voices raised in debate made her pause on the stairs and glance down into the guest room below. At least two dozen men—soldiers from high ranking positions and nobles from surrounding provinces—were gathered around the fire, their rough-hewn faces grim as death. Her husband and father-in-law were there too, and the sight of their stern, icy faces made Mulan cringe with a combination of alarm and worry. When she entered, Shang took her hand and introduced her to the guests. Mulan was surprised to find most of her father's old comrades in the council, and she could not but note the slight twinge of pride in her husband's face as the guests congratulated him for choosing a wife of such a good breed.

Soon after the brief introduction, the guests returned to their previous conversation. The maid helped her by putting the teacups in front of each of the guests, and Mulan poured them tea. They were discussing the genocide that the Huns caused in a village near the southern borders. Her hands trembled, but she tried hard not to spill the tea as she picked up the gory details. Her worried eyes met her husband when she poured tea in his teacup. He said nothing but casually took the cup from her.

"They have killed an entire troop near Xinan." The royal advisor, Chi-Fu, informed. He finished his tea with an audible sip, then said, "We need more soldiers."

"I know." Her father-in-law, General Li, looked at at the royal advisor worriedly, "But we have only a few experienced soldiers left. Most of them have retired recently."

"We must bring them out of retirement if needed," Chi-Fu said. Mulan's gaze flew to her father-in-law's face, and her worst fear began to creep inside her mind.

"We must if the emperor demands. We will ask for at least one man from each family to join the army," he suggested, his smile gentle and inexplicably sad as he returned her gaze—as if he was forced to agree with the royal advisor's proposal. His eyes met his son's, and the expression on their faces only increased Mulan's worry.

"Are you thinking about recruiting retired soldiers too?" Shang asked, noting his wife's worry.

"If there is no young man in the family, then we must." Chi-Fu smiled, eyeing Mulan. She paled immediately. The remainder of her color drained from her face as the royal advisor handed him the conscription. "I shall send my men to spread the word. And I wish you will ask your father-in-law personally to join the war."

No, Mulan's gaze flew to her husband, desperately wanting him to deny Chi-Fu's proposal. She gave him a hopeful look, but her hopes were gone when he took the parchment and said, "I will."

Shock and fear combined to send Mulan surging to her feet. "This is madness!" She cried out suddenly, that made the whole council turn. "Please, husband." She said to her husband, but when he remained silent, she turned to the royal advisor and pleaded.

"Please sir," She pleaded, "My father is old and disabled. He will not survive if he joins the war."

Chi-fu looked annoyed, and General Li was clearly offended by his daughter-in-law's disgraceful behavior. Shang only remained standing there, stunned by his wife's outraged behavior.

"You better learn to control your wife, captain." Chi-fu spat out bitterly. Anger turned her husband's face into a terrible shade of red, that made Mulan cringe with fear. She had never seen her husband so angry before.

"Mulan." He warned. There was something in his voice that made the whole council turn.

Tension hung in the air. Sensing the impending disaster, General Li decided to step in. "It is alright, Shang." He said to his son. Turning to his daughter-in-law, he said gently, "You better go inside, Mulan."

Mulan shook her head slowly, in silent, desperate denial, while her voice slid to a frightened whisper. "But father…" She pleaded again, which only made the general lower his head in shame.

"Enough, Mulan!"

Mulan was cut off in middle by her husband's firm grip on her upper arm. She let out a scream of pain as he grasped her arm and yanked her backward. She tilted her head to meet his gaze, and a shiver ran down her spine.

****

Shang had never been so angry in his life. He dragged his wife out of the guest room and shoved her inside their bedchamber. Slamming the door behind him with a loud thud, he faced his wife. She was still shaking and crying from fear and worry for her father. But Shang could not hear her any longer.

Mulan went off some tangent about her father's condition and how sorry she was for her behavior, but Shang barely registered it, letting it immediately go to the back of his mind. It didn't matter about her actual concern—because to Shang, at this moment all he could feel was rage and anger. Because she had humiliated him and his father in public, had ruined his honor in society, he felt no pity for her anymore. His mind promptly presented him with frightening visions of people laughing at him, pointing at him for not being able to control his wife, and all he could see was his manly pride being lost to him.

And he snapped because at this point all he could feel was blind rage. It didn't matter that it was extremely cruel to push his wife against a wall roughly, his arm gripping hers tightly, shakily.

What mattered was she disgraced his family in public.

"How dare you!" he cried, raising his voice at his wife. "It is your father's fault that he doesn't have a son to serve for him." Shang didn't take in how hurt she looked by his rude comment, how frightened she was by his sudden outburst. He didn't take in how Mulan tried to get out of his tight grasp, didn't notice all the confusion and hurt that crossed over her face. He only knew that his wife disobeyed him, disgraced his family.

But as a daughter Mulan had right to worry about her father's safety too…Logic didn't cross his mind at all.

Finally, he heard Mulan speak, but for him, it only made things worse. She just shot it back, her voice more shaky than ever. "But I have right to worry about my father, as much as you have." She exclaimed, her daring eyes met his, and Shang leaned in, sneering as he dared her to continue. Mulan's breathing was so shaky he could hear it perfectly.

And she went over the edge as she declared, "By marriage, you are his son-in-law. Then why is it mandatory for him to join the war?"

You don't belong to the Fa family anymore…Like he could explain…You have gotten married, and your name has been changed forever. He had enough of her silly comments, but her last comment shattered his patience into pieces. "Why can you not be a son, like I become a daughter to your father?"

"Enough!" He shouted, "Enough, Mulan. You are a woman and you always will be. You cannot compare your husband with a brainless creature like you. It is your parent's fault that they could not have a child except you."

"I am not brainless. And it is not my parent's fault that none of my siblings survived after being born. " Mulan insisted wildly, voicing the first logical arguments that tumbled to mind, unashamed of the havoc she had just caused to her in-law's family. "You have no idea how much pain they felt when they lost each of their children. You have no right to speak of my parents like that. And I have every right to speak for my father…."

"I said enough!" Shang's free hand came down quickly toward his wife. He was literally an inch away from striking her face when he finally noticed an unafraid woman, standing proud under his burning glare.

She could not be tamed, he realized. The more he tried to tie her down, the more her spirit grew. He lowered his hand and turned away from her, his head was still throbbing from his sudden outburst.

"Get out." He growled, knowing he needed a few minutes to compose himself, a few hours maybe, he did not know. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Mulan slowly get up, shaking as she tripped to run out of the room.

Chapter Text

In the next three days, Mulan was not able to talk with her husband again. Even so, every time she saw him, the hint of irritation in his eyes destroyed her attempts to speak with him.

Mulan knew she had done wrong. It was not acceptable for women to talk in men's presence, but it was the only way she could think of to stop them from forcing her disable father to join the war. Far from considering her actual reasons, her husband regarded her breach of conduct as a disgrace to his family honor. Instead of being sympathetic to her situation, he simply stopped listening to her anymore.

But the consequence of her actions was much more than she had actually imagined.

Her father-in-law, General Li, on the other hand, obviously had a clearer grasp of the real situation, which was that his daughter-in-law had disgraced his family in front of his colleagues, and his son had worsened the situation with his pride and anger. He understood Mulan's point, but he had also understood his son's reasons. He had dealt with that by calling Mulan to his chamber and talking with her in private.

"I understand how you feel, Mulan." He took a long sip from his teacup, "But the impression you have created to the guests is very disgraceful for our family. Royal advisor Chi-Fu has taken this as a personal insult."

Personal insult…Whatever she did, she did for a valid reason. She hoped at least her father-in-law would be a reasonable man, but it seemed like he too was not different from others.

Mulan raised her head and looked at her father-in-law with surprise. Did she really disgrace her family that much? But she soon learned the consequences of her actions from the old general. "It is not acceptable for a captain's wife to speak in the presence of her husband's superiors, let alone speaking against them. You have exactly done that, and ruined my son's, as well as my honor in the society. No wonder Shang is very unhappy with you. Besides, Chi-Fu has not taken it so easily. He threatened my son to throw him out of his position if he tried to insult him again."

Mulan gasped to hear the long term effect of her actions, but the old general continued, "I am going to join the army in the south while Shang is appointed to train a new troop in my absence. I do not want you to ruin my son's life with your foolishness anymore. I think it will be best for you to stay at your father's home until you learn to be a proper wife. Shang will drop you there on his way to the camp."

"But father…" Mulan opened her mouth to protest, but it only added more to her father-in-law's annoyance. "You need to learn some manners, child." He said, getting up from his seat, "And I am sorry to say that your father had not taught you any."

****

In the coach, on their way to her childhood home, Mulan tried to talk to her husband, to explain, to apologize. After listening to her pleading in glacial silence, he had finally spoken to her. "If I hear just one more word from you, you will find yourself standing on the side of the road before your sentence is finished!"

He was punishing her, Mulan knew. Humiliating her in retaliation for what he believed—and would always believe—she had ruined his honor by her stupidity. And the worst part of it was that when Mulan put herself in his place and looked at things from his point of view, she could understand exactly how he felt and why.

But it made her feel more and more mutinous. What was wrong with her? Why did she always end messing up things whenever she tried hard to make them right?

Their conversation ended abruptly as the carriage stopped in front of the Fa family home. She opened the door of the carriage and was greeted by her father. He looked a bit surprised by their sudden visit but was absolutely delighted to see his daughter again. Mulan hugged her father, and Shang bowed in a traditional way. Mulan was relieved to see that he did not start complaining about her misbehavior to her parents. Fa Li was very much delighted to see her daughter and son-in-law together. Mulan tried not to blush hard when Grandmother Fa asked if she was pregnant. Fa Zhou glared at his mother playfully and ushered them inside.

At night they had dinner with the Fa family. Grandmother Fa tried to suggest some names for her future great-grandchildren. Mulan blushed immediately and tried to give her husband a side glance, but Shang simply informed the old Fa and replied that they had not thought about something like that yet. Fa Zhou asked a few questions about his friend's well-being to cover up the embarrassment. Shang answered his questions too with an appropiate curtsy. Mulan wondered how could he keep up this kind of act for so long. She was feeling distressed inside already. They had not exchanged a single word since they had arrived at her parent's house this evening. So, she was surprised when she found him waiting for her at the door of her old bedroom which was given to them for the night.

He turned at the sound of the door opening, and Mulan's heart sank to see the previous grim expression in his face. She remained standing at the door waiting for his permission.

"Come inside, Mulan." Shang said, waving his hand toward the bed in the room, a silent command to sit down. The brief flare of hope that had ignited in Mulan a minute ago when he told her to come inside had already died the instant he met her gaze in that insolent, appraising fashion. He hadn't softened a bit, she realized with a sinking heart.

"I'll come directly to the point," he said without preamble as he sat down beside her, keeping a careful distance between them. Mulan looked eagerly at his face, but Shang broke the eye contact immediately. Keeping his voice devoid of emotion he said, "I am going to leave for the camp tomorrow morning to train a new troop, and Chi-Fu will be there to monitor my works. If he finds any fault in my performance, I will be demoted to an ordinary soldier."

Mulan knew what kind of intolerable being the royal advisor was, and having him around all day would be a pain in the neck. "I understand." She said softly.

Instead of replying he stared at her as if he thought she was the most repugnant form of human life he'd ever beheld. Unable to resist the need to try to convince him she was at least capable of compassion, Mulan said, "I know he is angry because of me, but believe me, I know he will not be able to find any fault in your performance…."

He interrupted her as if she hadn't spoken, "He also demands your father's presence in the camp within two days. I am going to talk to him about it now. I hope you will not interfere."

Mulan swallowed and nodded. It was getting worse than before. "But is not there any other way?" She whispered a bit helplessly.

A wry smile laced Shang's lips as he looked at his wife's worried face, "Yes, there is one."

"What is that?"

"If your father had a son, or if you could magically transform into a man to take your father's place in the army." He drawled sarcastically, "I believe Chi-Fu would spare him."

Driven by the same desperate anger she'd felt the night she defied his decision in the council, she cried, "It is insane. It is not really fair."

"I will not stop you if you want to think like that." Instead of being amused by her completely childish comment, he looked completely revolted. "But whatever you do, do not try to turn yourself into a laughingstock again." He finished icily, as Mulan stared at his unforgiving face, "You have already done it once. If you step out of the line again, I will have no other way but abandon you."

Then he got up and walked out, his strides long and swift as if he could not tolerate her stupidity anymore.

Chapter Text

Mulan obeyed her husband's order.

She stood at the door, clutching the lucky cricket close to her chest, while her husband talked with her father, desperately hoping her father to refuse his proposal of joining the army. Unfortunately, her lucky cricket was not lucky enough to stop her father from accepting his son-in-law's invitation.

Shang caught a brief glimpse of his wife moving away from the door. He excused himself and exited his father-in-law's study, but he could not see her anymore. He searched for her in the yard, but she was not there either. He met his mother-in-law on her way to the kitchen and asked if she had seen Mulan, and the older woman informed that she had just seen her going inside.

"She was crying." Fa Li gazed at his face worriedly, "Had something gone wrong? Did Mulan interfere with the meeting?"

Since the Fa couple learned about their daughter's misdeed, they never stopped apologizing to him for her misbehavior and were trying to make up things between them. But it was not going anywhere partly because of Mulan's stubbornness and mostly because of Shang's unforgiving attitude. But now seeing the Fa family already worried about their only male member joining the war, he decided not to bring up the topic again.

"Everything is fine." Shang shrugged noncommittally and turned, but it did not convince the mother of his bride.

"I am sorry for what she did. But she is upset. " He stopped as Fa Li spoke, and turned to meet the older woman's eyes. "Just give her a little bit time. Maybe I can try to talk with her."

Her concern somehow reminded him of his mother. If she were alive, Shang mused, she would have probably helped him to change the situation for better. Unfortunately, his manly pride stopped him from seeking help from a woman, even when the woman was probably older and wiser than him.

"I will see what I can do," He gave her a false assurance, and turned to leave.

If he didn't know how much stubborn Mulan was, if she didn't dishonor his family, Shang would have been incredibly proud of his wife. He would appreciate her wit, her bravery, if she had not defied him in the presence of his superiors, thus ruining his reputation.

He found Mulan packing his luggage for him when he entered into their borrowed bedroom. His armor and sword were lying on the bed, and his traveling clothes were neatly arranged beside them. Without any further conversation with his wife, he silently put on his clothes and armor. Mulan helped him to fasten the sword with his belt. When she did that, Shang could not help but look at her face, the bloodshot eyes and the dried tears that stained her cheeks.

There were times—too many times like this—he forgot that he despised her for what she did. Times when all he could remember was the enchantment of her smile, the way she made him laugh, and how amazing she felt in his arms. For a moment he actually wanted to bend down to kiss her temple, because it felt too natural, too right thing to do in this situation.

He hated himself for his body's reaction to her. If he'd been able to hold off his admiration for her in the first place, had been able to teach her a proper lesson when she first showed her disobedience, he wouldn't be in this untenable situation.

Finished with the cape, Shang turned as Mulan handed him the luggage. Taking the bag from her, Shang faced his wife. Keeping his voice carefully devoid of emotions, he said in a tone of a parent teaching his disobedient child a lesson, "I hope you will be good, Mulan, as long as I am away. I do not want you to do anything that ruins the honor of yours or my family."

Mulan shook her head, whether in the agreement or in denial, Shang was not sure. She gathered his discarded clothes and moved to dispose them in a bucket.

****

That night, dinner at the Fa family was unusually silent.

Fa Li passed the bowl of rice, Mulan helped her mother by filling the cups with tea, while Fa Zhou gave thanks to Lord Buddha for food and work and friends and family. They offered a portion of their food to their ancestors before eating their dinner.

Mulan sipped her tea silently. Fa Li took her husband's hand and moved her thumb in a small circle over his knuckles. Mulan stared at their joined hands. Her parents loved each other, but they rarely showed affection like this in front of people.

"So," Fa Li said to her husband, "When are you going?"

Mulan caught her grandmother's eyes, but the old woman simply continued sipping her tea. Mulan stared at her plate waiting for her father's answer.

"Tomorrow morning." He replied curtly, then concentrated on his food.

"Oh!" Fa Li sighed softly, filling her cup with tea.

How could they act so normal, Mulan wondered. It seemed like they had given up all hopes, and waiting for fate to decide their future. She gazed at her father's face only to see his deep frown and sagging posture. Seconds later he put down his chopsticks and stormed out of the dining room without finishing his dinner.

"Baba…" Mulan tried to follow him, but her mother's hand over hers stopped her.

"Don't stop him, Mulan." She said; her voice was firm. But Mulan simply ignored her and followed her father to his study.

She pressed herself against the wooden wall as she watched her father unsheathing his old sword. It took her a lot of will power to hold herself back as Mulan watched the line of pain appearing in his face with his every movement. But when the sword clattered to the floor, ripping a scream of pain from his proud lips, she could not hold herself back anymore. Forgetting all the promises she made to her husband, she rushed to her father's side, and cried with unsuppressed anguish, "Baba, you can't go."

"Mulan!" The raw anger in her voice made Fa Zhou look at his daughter's face with much surprise. "Do you know about what are you talking?"

"Yes, I know." Mulan insisted wildly, voicing the first logical argument that tumbled in her mind, "And I also know that there are plenty of young men to fight for China."

The anger she felt towards him was valid, because she loved him, and this realization flooded Fa Zhou's heart with affection. He moved to his daughter's side and cupped her chin. Mulan tried to look away, but Fa Zhou held her shoulders firmly. Her eyes were still puffy from crying all day. Somehow she reminded him of her four years old self.

"Would you were right, my child, but you're wrong." Suddenly he paused for emphasis, a fond smile on his face, "It is not a question of right and wrong. It is my duty to protect my country and my family. It is a great honor."

"Honor," Mulan repeated blankly. "Baba, I know what you mean, but you can't die just for the honor!" Her hands clutching helplessly at her skirt, she looked at him with a desperate plea, while her mind made up all the possible scenarios of her family crying over her father's lifeless body.

"Please," she said, looking at the medals on the wall given to her father by the emperor in recognition of his service to the country, then at her father. "Try to understand. This is not a question of honor; this is the question of reason, Baba. It is a question of our future. You have served the country when you were able. But now what will happen to us if you die? Think about grandma, you are her only son alive. Think about mama—"

She just hit his weakest point.

And his daughter's stubbornness, her unwillingness to understand the reality pushed a quiet man like Fa Zhou at the edge of his patience. His determination was weakening with every word she spoke, and he felt a sudden urge to silence her before his heart could overrule his logic.

"Stop arguing, Mulan." Finally, he snapped, raising his voice at his daughter, feeling bad for chiding her in this way. "Stop speaking of the things you have no idea about. You have already lowered my head to your in-laws with your foolishness."

Mulan felt as if he had slapped her, because he too was sounding like her husband, like her father-in-law, like the rest of the world. She hoped at least her father would understand her, but it seemed like he did not anymore. Yet in some tiny part of her, she realized her father was only trying to keep himself from breaking. "But—" She whispered, almost inaudibly.

"I know my place." Fa Zhou cut her off firmly, feeling guilty as he looked at his daughter's face, at the hurt look in her eyes. But his sense of duty made him to speak the next words, "Now it is time to learn yours. You must learn the difference between a son and a daughter, a man, and a woman, a husband, and a wife. You can never change the role set for you in the society."

Each word her father spoke struck Mulan's heart like a lash, making her cringe with shame and hurt that was almost past bearing. When he was finished, she stood there while a blessed, cold numbness came over her, until she felt nothing at all. Nothing struck her like this. Nothing, not even her husband's harsh words. When she finally came back to reality, she thrust open the door and ran.

****

Mulan ran until she reached their family temple. Her father's words were still ringing inside her head.

Now it is time to learn yours...

She never hated herself for being a girl before.

She prayed to the ancestors, asking for a miracle. But nothing happened. No fairy godmother appeared out of thin air to change her situation. Only her lucky cricket stared at her from its cage.

There was no such thing called a miracle, Mulan realized all of a sudden. There was no such thing called luck. She set her jaw and opened the cage to set the cricket free.

If you could magically transform into a man…

She unsheathed her father's sword. The silver blade glowed in the moonlight. Gritting her teeth, she dragged the blade down right through her long silken hair, letting them fall on the ground like dead leaves in the autumn.

Chapter Text

She rode through the night.

Stealing her father's horse and dressing like a man was the worst idea she had ever come up with, not to mention was very much against the rules, but Mulan could not think of any alternative. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to imagine the situation back at home soon after her departure. She could see her mother's eyes burn into hers with a look of accusation, her father searching for her in the woods, neighbors speaking of her with disgust, her in-laws breaking all kind of relationship with her family. At first, she thought about going back, taking all the insults that were meant for her, but no- she rode on.

The path was dark and narrow. Mulan glanced over her left shoulder, crimson light from the rising sun painted the sky with red, and she could faintly see the thatched houses that used to be her home. She closed her eyes and pictured her parents sitting at the dinner table in silence while the whole village came to blame them for her disgraceful action. Was it a lingering hint of selflessness that made her throat tighten at the thought of them, or is it selfishness because she knew she would never be their daughter again?

Ancestors, she prayed silently, Show me the way.

"Are you looking for a miracle?"

Mulan almost fell off her horse at the sound of a frightening voice behind her. She grasped Khan's bridle and ran for her life as a huge shadow shaped like a dragon began to rise from the shadows. So ancestors sent a ghost to punish me, Mulan thought miserably. Her mother often warned her about them whenever she disobeyed her. The shadow seemed to follow her wherever she went. Finding no way to escape, she ducked behind a stone and pressed her fists over her eyes. The sound of the ghost's thumping feet was getting closer. It stopped an inch away from her, and Mulan held her breath, still not daring to look at her ancestor's ghost.

"I am just trying to save my father." She cried, fearing the ghost might unleash its wrath upon her.

"Your ancestors sent me to help you." It said.

Mulan opened her eyes only to find a tiny red lizard, not more than six inches tall standing at her feet.

"The ancestors sent a lizard to help me!" She exclaimed, wondering what kind of cruel joke it was. But the tiny creature seemed insulted by her comment.

"Hey, I am a dragon….DRAGON…." It declared proudly, sticking out its tongue. "I don't do that tongue thing."

Now Mulan was utterly disappointed. She did not need this ridiculous type of help from her so-called all-merciful ancestors. She looked at the tiny dragon and sighed. Somehow he managed to find her lucky cricket too. It was not the kind of miracle she was looking for.

"Sorry, I don't need you." She took Khan's bridle and began to walk.

But her protector seemed too eager to help. He began to jump from one tree to another, trying to keep pace with her. He kept rattling about things, about his mission to be her official guardian, about how much her ancestors would be disappointed if she failed. But Mulan paid no heed to his words and walked on, thinking about how to find her way to Yu-Shun camp. She had no idea about the paths stretched before her, leading to various directions. She did not want to ask anyone because she did not want to be caught. She was also aware that she could never make to the camp if she went on like this. Finally, she stopped and turned to face the dragon. She had a thought.

"Would you please be a less annoying and help me?" She asked finally. The dragon stopped rattling and gazed up at her face eagerly.

"Of course I do. This is what I was sent for." He grinned.

"Can you show me the quickest way to Yu-Shun camp?" Mulan was feeling ridiculous. Now she was talking with a dragon! Who knew what she would do next to keep up her stubbornness? But she did not show it to her new companion.

"Of course." The dragon seemed to have some sort of twinkle behind his eyes as he agreed to help her. "But you need to work on you a bit more before that. You barely look like a man."

It was the last thing she needed- a piece of advice from a dragon. But he was right; she realized when she looked at her reflection in the water at her feet. She might have cut her hair and dressed like a man, but her face still retained its feminine features. She would be easily caught if she walked into the camp like this.

"So what do you suggest…er…dragon?" She softened, considering the dragon's suggestion useful.

"It is Mushu..." The dragon introduced himself and tapped his claws on his nose as if he had a thought.

"I suggest you to wear a false beard," Finally he suggested, "Maybe a tiny one, just under your chin. It will make you look manlier."

That was an extremely bad idea. Mulan hated beards as much as she hated to be caught. But it looked like the only option right now. She looked at Khan's mane. She hoped he would not mind if she borrowed a few strands, but the question was how could she put them on?

"Do you have any idea?" She asked Mushu.

"Yes," A bright smile adorned the tiny dragon's face, "Dragon saliva is the strongest adhesive." He spat on his claws.

Mulan was not squeamish, but this time she groaned.

****

"Are you new here?"

Mulan lifted her head. A man in silver armor standing at the entrance was asking for her summoning letter. Her back was aching. She had been riding for at least twelve hours, thinking about her possible destination. Mulan got down from her horse and handed him the summoning letter which she stole from her father's desk. The man ran his eyes through the parchment and signaled to follow him.

Hundreds of tents bearing flags of China were set in a large clearing. And their occupants were busy in doing their respective jobs- polishing armors, making horse hooves, carrying cannons, fighting with swords. The idea of spending her days among thousands of unknown men, the fear of being caught, made Mulan sick in her stomach. Still, she decided to keep up her appearance. She held her chin high and followed her guide. He led her to a group of newcomers gathered in front of the captain's tent, waiting for his arrival.

"Wait here until the captain officially confirms your joining." He said before leaving.

"Do we have to learn to do that thing?" A lean man with a pointed chin waved at the soldiers practicing arrow retrieving from a high pole. "It is insanely high."

"That is what we must do if we need to spy on the Huns from tall treetops." Another short man with a single eye pointed out. "Don't be a chicken head."

"Don't call me that." The lean man growled angrily, "I have outwitted all of my mates in hand to hand combat, and earned a dragon tattoo from my master." He ripped open the front of his robe to show the object of his pride- a dragon painted over his muscled chest, spreading over his flat stomach, barely stopping an inch above his navel. Rest of its tail disappeared beneath his pants.

"Where is the tail?" The single-eyed man said, holding back his laughter. "Did you earn only half of it?"

Mushu giggled, but Mulan was not ready for what happened next.

"I earned it fully." The lean man replied, turning red. But he was too eager to save his pride that he seemed not to care what the other man was exacting wanting him to do. "I have it here." He pulled down his pants to display the rest of his tattoo painted over his thigh.

Everyone cheered. "Now," The tattooed man faced the crowd, "Who else wants to challenge me?"

One by one, men in the crowd began to show their body assets. One showed his huge biceps, another showed his protective charm written over his back, while others boasted about the body assets they barely had.

Mulan closed her eyes at this shameless display of naked male bodies. She had not seen anyone in that state except her husband, and it was very shameful for a woman to see other men like that. She tried to push herself at the end of the crowd, from where she could be barely noticed. But she was not that lucky, because the single-eyed man caught the sight of her escaping. He followed her, caught her by her hand, and dragged her in the middle of the gathering.

"What do you have in your store, mate?"

"I don't have any tattoos or muscles," Mulan cried, trying to free her hand from his grip. But he was far stronger than she was.

"Don't be shy." Her captor grinned. "All of us showed what we have. You don't need to hide anything."

Mulan blushed. Of course, she had things to hide, but surely she did not want to show it here. Not in front of these people. The crowd gave her an expectant look. "Show us your lucky charm, mate."

"Punch him," Mushu suggested from her back.

She had never punched anyone in her life. She told herself, as sternly as possible, that is how things work here. Men would do brutal things. She needed to do the same if she wanted to be one of them. The sooner that lesson sank in, the better chance she had at surviving here.

She balled her fist and punched the man straight in his face. Her hand stung, but the blow successfully landed the man on the ground. The crowd around her cheered, and Mulan smiled. Maybe being a man was not so hard at all. But her smile soon vanished as she turned, only to meet the angry eyes of her opponent.

"How dare you?" He threw his huge fist aiming her face.

Mulan ducked, and her opponent missed his target. But it only added more to his anger. He picked up a stone from the ground and threw it, missing her for an inch. The crowd parted to make space for two fighters, cheering over them.

"Come on, mate. Don't be shy." The single-eyed man shouted at her. She looked at her opponent. He was three times stronger than she was. Goosebumps rose on her pale arms, and her stomach lurched. Sometimes bravery was close to foolishness like her father used to say. She swallowed hard and then did one thing she could think of. She ran.

The crowd went mad behind her. They began to chase her as she ran.

The air howled in her ears as she kept running, her heart pounding so fast it hurt, every muscle in her body tensing as the cry of the angry mob rang in her ears.

She hit something hard. It gave way beneath her and cradled her body. The impact knocked the wind out of her and she wheezed, struggling to breathe again. Her arms and legs stung.

She opened her eyes and looked at the face of her savior. The face that was looking at her belonged to none other than her husband.

His hands gripped her arms, but he released her a moment after she stood upright again.

"Thank you." She said, almost inaudibly.

But her husband did not look so pleased. His attention was on the crowd chasing her. "Stop." He shouted, and a pin drop silence fell in the clearing. Everyone stilled in the place where he was.

"You…" Captain Shang turned his accusing gaze at her. "You have caused all of this. Have you forgotten the rules of an army? Do you know the punishment of breaking rules?"

"No," Mulan lowered her head; carefully avoiding meeting his gaze with a fear that he might have recognized her.

"Clearing all the dishes for this night." Another man said. Mulan immediately recognized the royal advisor, Chi-Fu. She was in real trouble.

"I will think about it," Shang said. His voice was deep and it rambled, "What is your name?"

Mulan never felt so much relieved by a question before. So he did not recognize her yet. Thanks to her new hairstyle and of course her new beard. "Um…" She hesitated. She did not think about finding a boy's name before. But "Mulan" didn't sound right anymore.

"Have you forgotten it?" he said, a faint smile curling his lips. "Do you remember your father's name? Or have you forgotten it too?"

Mulan turned red. No one ever insulted her like this before. Fortunately, Mushu suggested a name just in time.

A new place, a new name. She could be remade here.

"Ping," She said firmly in a voice like a man, meeting the captain's eyes, "And I remember my father's name too. Fa Zhou."

The name of her father made the captain frowned. "Fa Zhou?" He gazed deep into her eyes as if wanting to find out if she was telling the truth.

"I never knew Fa Zhou has a son," Chi-Fu whispered.

It only made Shang observe her more closely. Maybe he was surprised to see the sudden appearance of his brother-in-law. Mulan felt as if he could see through her armor. She wanted to cringe under his stern glare and ran. But she summoned all of her courage and declared boldly. "I live with my aunt since I was a child. I was given up for adoption when I was born, and my aunt adopted me because she had no child. I rarely meet my real family. My father never talks about me either, because…" She stopped, searching for a believable cause. Her fake beard was itching. She could not resist digging her nails through them. Now she became allergic to dragon saliva. How nice.

"I…" The intensity of the itching was increasing. She could not stop scratching her beard vigorously. She was afraid that it might come off anytime. Fortunately, her situation ticked off her interrogators, and initiated laughter among the crowd observing her.

"I can see why." Chi-Fu sounded a bit disappointed. "This boy is absolutely lunatic. Make the announcement, Shang."

Shang agreed because his new soldier proved to be nothing but trouble, though he still had doubt about his identity. But he was in a hurry. He had some important battle strategies to discuss with his father. So, he decided not to waste any more time.

He set his hand on Ping's back and announced to the crowd, "Soldiers, meet our new friend Ping."

Chapter Text

Mulan survived that night without getting caught.

Sleeping with nine unknown men in the same tent was scandalous enough, and Mulan did not want to extend the scandal by exposing her secret.

She left the tent before sunrise, took her bath, and put on her father's shirt. It was too loose to hide her feminine curves, though her body built was almost boyish comparing to other girls. Three weeks of marital bliss did not change her much. Her breasts were so small that most of the matchmakers predicted her being unable to bear sons, but now this only added more to her advantage. When she finally stepped out of the water, she found Mushu waiting for her with a bowl full of porridge.

"Come on, baby girl." Mushu flashed a bright smile, ready to shove the food into her throat. "You cannot get late for your first day at training."

Mulan began to like this tiny dragon. Without him, she could not walk in here yesterday without getting caught. She was surprised by the fact that her ancestors suddenly took mercy on her. Still, she could not stop thinking about her parents. She stared at her food, thinking about how much damage she had already done to her family. She could not imagine what would happen if her husband found out her true identity. Mushu noticed her silence. He dropped the chopsticks and asked, "What's the wrong baby?"

"What if I get caught?" Mulan whispered in a voice tainted with guilt. "I have already ruined Baba's honor. I don't want to dishonor him more."

"Do you want to go back home?" Mushu suggested sympathetically.

"No," Mulan shook her head firmly, determination flashed in her eyes, "I have chosen my path."

Mushu sighed. The look in her face, full of misery yet full of determination, suddenly made him feel him very sympathetic, very protective towards her. He leaped in her lap and patted her hand. "Don't worry." He promised, "I will do my best to protect you."

Mulan smiled. She could not but stop thanking the ancestors for sending Mushu as her guardian. Now he became the only friend she could trust.

****

When Mulan finally reached the camp, everyone had already gathered in the training field.

"There you are." She was greeted by a firm glare from the captain, "I hope you have some reasonable explanation for your delay." He said in a voice full of annoyance, which made the rest of the trainees laugh. But Shang silenced them with another firm stare and turned his attention on Mulan. His intense glare was fixed on her face, and for a moment Mulan feared that he might have recognized her. "I hope you will learn to be punctual next time." He pressed a bow in her palm without looking at her and kept walking. "I do not want any kind of chaos in my class."

Mulan shook her head. It was too dangerous to stay in his sight any longer. She took her weapon and ran to find a place at the end of the line. She met two of her previous acquaintances there, who greeted her with a devilish grin in their faces, but Mulan ignored them and turned her attention on their teacher walking to the front of the crowd.

"Our primary plan was to teach you the basic war strategies," Shang said, turning around and facing his students. "Since we have not much time to train you before moving you to the battlefield, we will teach you some basic skills like attacking your enemies and defending yourself from an attack."

Mulan stared at the weapon in her hand. Never in her life did she expect to hold a bow, let alone use one. It felt dangerous, as if just by touching it. It was almost a crime to use a man's weapon.

"I expect you to follow me," Shang said, shedding his shirt, and picking up a bow from the ground. Another man appeared with a box full of ripe tomatoes. They had to pierce the tomatoes before hitting the pole.

"But what…" The tall man with the dragon tattoo, who Mulan later learned was called Ling, yawned through his words. "What does shooting a pole do with defeating them…the Huns?"

Shang set an arrow to his bow and aimed it straight at Ling's forehead. Ling froze with his lips parted, the yawn dead in his mouth.

"Wake. Up." Shang snapped. "You are about to become one of the emperor's soldiers. Act like it."

He lowered the bow. Once the immediate threat was gone, Ling's dark eyes hardened. Mulan was surprised that Shang stopped himself from shooting this man, for she knew he never tolerated disobedience. But one thing was now clear to her, being a man was harder than she thought, especially when she had to excel in her training as well as to hide her identity.

"And to answer your question…you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you go to the battle unprepared." Shang stopped walking at the end of the row and turned on his heel. "This is also the mantra you need to remember for your future. So, watch me."

He faced the pole which almost touched the sky. He stood with his feet apart, set an arrow to the strings. His assistant threw some tomatoes in his direction as he released the arrow. Mulan craned her neck to look at the target. The arrow lodged itself at the end of the pole with the tomato dangling from its middle.

One by one the trainees took turn to hit the target, but none of them could come close to it. Tomatoes crushed over their faces, covering their faces with red juicy liquids. Mulan watched them with wide eyes. Her husband would never approve of her shooting an arrow. When it came to her turn, she found him standing at a distance, watching her intently. She could distantly remember his face when he forced her out of their bedroom. He looked so angry, so proud, and so unreasonable. Now she was standing here under his stern gaze, with him expecting her to hit the target. What an irony!

His bare torso riddled with rippling muscles, shining in the sun made her blush. She was surprised with her body's reaction at the mere sight of him even in this situation. She forced the thought out of her mind and lifted her bow. It was heavy and hard to lift away from her body, but she did. She wanted to show him what she was able to do. She set an arrow to the bow, and released it, hesitantly at first and then harder, stumbling for balance as the arrow left her bow, successfully missing the tomato coming towards her.

Shang lifted his brow as she released the arrow, and Mulan realized she shot nowhere near the target. She shot again and again and again, and none of the arrows came close.

"You should have hit at least one even by accident," Remarked one of the trainees as he threw a tomato in her direction. His height exceeded all of them, but his tone was incredibly gentle compared to his size. He introduced himself as Chein-Po.

"Is that so?" She said successfully missing the target once again.

"Yeah," he said. "I think you're actually defying nature."

Right in the time, Mushu handed her an arrow with an already fixed tomato at its end. It was not fair, Mulan knew, but she did not budge. She was too eager to prove herself. Out of pure luck, this time her arrow hit the target. The crowd cheered. Ling gave her a jealous look, but fortunately, none of them noticed her dirty little trick. She eyed her instructor only to find him watching her with a stony expression in his face.

After two more sessions, Shang finally dismissed them for lunch. Mulan picked up her armor and hurried to join the crowd before Shang could spot her. She found Chi-Fu at the entrance of the dining tent, writing some report. He raised both eyebrows when their eyes met.

"Fa Ping." He grinned evilly, scribbling something in the parchment. "You seem to have a strange affinity to breaking rules. Does it run your family?"

Mulan gritted her teeth and followed others into the dining tent.

But the royal advisor was right. After lunch, she was summoned to the captain's tent. He rose from his seat as she entered, and looked at her with an extremely bitter expression in his face. He was angry, she realized. Her cheating during the training made Chi-Fu write some bad report about his performance.

When he looked into her eyes, her insides twisted like someone was stirring them with a chopstick. He stared at her, his eyes following her body from her head to her feet, not lingering anywhere—a practical, scientific gaze. Mulan felt an urge to cover her because she felt practically naked under his gaze. But soon he lifted his gaze from her body and turned his attention to her face.

"No one ever dared to cheat in my class." He bellowed, "How dare you even think of that?"

There was something in his tone that made her cringe inwardly. Unconsciously she lifted her hand to check if her false beard was still in place. But she could not lose heart now. "We will not cheat if you give us prior instruction before expecting us to hit the target in the first attempt." She shot back bravely.

Shang was taken aback by this young boy's arrogance. None of her trainees dared to talk with him, let alone look directly in his eyes. Oddly, his arrogance reminded him of his wife. Only she had the courage to challenge him like that. He stared at her, but Ping didn't look away. Does arrogance run in the family?

Mulan's heart was pounding wildly in her chest. But she could not give up now. Looking away would be submissive. Looking at him in the eye was a challenge. It was her choice.

Heat rushed into her cheeks. What would happen when this tension broke? Would he tear away her false beard and reveal her identity to the world?

But he just said, "Careful, Ping. Remember there is no place for weakness in the battlefield."

Chapter Text

Life in the camp was full of new experiences, but none of them were pleasant for Mulan.

Though she challenged the world to prove herself worthy to take her father's place, she was failing miserably in every task given to her. She was not even able to hold her weapon straight yet. She turned over the bucket and slipped over the water during balance practice. She almost drowned while crossing the river. She always made some horrible mistakes only to become a laughingstock among the trainees.

Mushu tried to help her a few more times, but every time she got caught- either by Shang himself or by one of her fellow trainees. Speaking of her new colleagues, no one was kind enough to help her except Chien-Po. Two of her tent-mates, especially the one named Yao, loved to put various types of insects in her bed. Mulan could never spend a single night peacefully due to her nightly bedmates, and in the morning she woke up with red, itchy circles all over her fair skin. Lack of sleep at night always left her drowsy for the rest of the day, so she was never able to follow any of the commands given by her instructor. Chi-Fu was always present in every training session like a hungry hawk sharpening his claws for mistakes. And Mulan became his favorite one. It became an unwritten rule that she was the one who was summoned to the captain's tent after each training session. These meetings did nothing to improve her condition, and her stubbornness angered the captain. So she got scolded at the end of each meeting and was awarded different kinds of punishments for her lack of obedience.

Shang was not doing any better. He tried hard to teach his students all the tricks he knew, but none of them seemed bright enough to pick up any. The royal advisor happily wrote his monthly report about Li Shang's incompatibility as a captain.

It was like a cold war. Following day, Shang rescheduled their lessons, and they had to practice all day and night, except the time for eating and sleeping. A single mistake was punished by rigorous tasks.

So when Shang lined them up for hand to hand combat in that evening with Chi-Fu in tow, Mulan sensed that today's session would be harder than before.

"The one who fails to reach the expected level will be thrown out." He declared.

"But…" Ling spoke, raising his hand, "Who will take his place?"

"Someone else who is better," said Chi-Fu.

"According to the rules," Shang said, "One of your comrades will be promoted."

Chi-Fu narrowed his eyes at the captain. "According to the old rules," he says. "In the new rules, one from your family must fill in your place."

"I have never heard of such kind of rules," Shang frowned.

"This is new, captain." Chi-Fu grinned, throwing an evil glance at Mulan. His gaze met hers and she swallowed. If it was true, then she was in the top of their list of elimination. She turned her gaze at Shang and found his frown growing deeper. "Fine." He finally nodded. His eyes briefly met Mulan's before he faced the crowd. "We will go over technique first," He declared, "After learning the basics; you will start to fight each other. So I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast, will go home at the end of this month."

Mulan knew she was already being counted among the lowest ranking soldiers already. Now she did not know if she could survive this time. But she had to try. She gritted her teeth. She had to. She could not give up in the middle. She lowered her eyes and concentrated on her task.

Shang named a few different punches, demonstrating each one as he does, first against the air and then against one of his assistants. He showed a few defense moves later, some easy but effective ways to block the blows coming from the attacker.

Mulan made a few tries to figure out how to hold herself and how to move her body to make it look like his. The defense was more difficult because her partner was Chein-Po, and Shang only taught them the basics. All around her there were only sounds of hard knuckles hitting soft fleshes. Ling and Yao were teamed up together. Ling landed on the ground by the first punch from Yao on his jaw.

"Does it seem too tough?" Yao laughed at Ling, "Do you want to fight more?"

Ling put his hands up again. Mulan saw the determination in his eyes that wasn't there before. He tried a punch, and Yao raised his elbows, blocking his attack effectively. Mulan watched them wide-eyed because Chien-Po was much gentler than Ling during the practice. Ling dodged another punch, slipping around Yao and kicking him hard in the back. Mulan watched the light leave Yao's single eye, which was dark amber. It rolled back into his head, and all the tension fell from his body. He slipped from Ling's grasp, dead weight, and crumpled to the ground. Cold rushed down Mulan's back and filled her chest as Ling turned his attention on her.

"Wanna give a try?" He grinned.

Mulan swallowed. Ling was at least a foot taller than her. His whole body was a spectacular show of toned muscles. She eyed Mushu for help, but he had nothing to do in this case. Rest of the trainees did not look much interested to take her place.

She took a deep breath and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, then took a hesitant step towards her opponent. She eyed Shang who was watching her with much curiosity. At first, Mulan took a turn to hit Ling but missed miserably. Ling took his turn to punch her, and Mulan moved her head out of the way, but Ling just punched again, and again, until his fist hit her jaw, her nose, her mouth. She could taste the blood running down from her nose. She raised her fists to block Ling's second punch but again failed, and was thrown to the ground by a kick in her side.

Mulan tried to rise from the ground. Her knees were shaking like they were made of jelly. Her body was sore in all places, and she wanted to fall desperately into the unconsciousness, but she could not. Instead, she remained sprawled on the ground like a torn rag doll.

"Come on, lad," Ling called her.

Mulan was too weak to answer his challenge. She tried to rise from the ground but again failed miserably. Chien-Po rushed to her aid but was stopped by Shang's hand on his shoulder.

"Let him try himself." He said.

Mulan opened her eyes to find the captain standing over her, his dark deep piercing gaze was fixed on her face. He stared at her, his eyes following her body from her head to her feet, not lingering anywhere—a practical, scientific gaze.

"You better use your knees and elbows, if you are too weak to use your legs." He said. As their eyes met, Mulan's insides twisted like someone's stirring them with a chopstick. But she followed his command anyway. After two unsuccessful trials, she finally pulled herself up on her legs. Her head gave a slight spin as she stood, and she tumbled backward.

Then suddenly he was by her side and caught her before she hit the ground. Then he pressed a hand to her stomach. His fingers were so long that, though the heel of his hand touched one side of her rib cage, his fingertips still touched the other side, barely missing her breast for an inch. Did he realize who she was? Her heart pounded so hard her chest hurt, and she stared at him, wide-eyed. But he looked into her eyes and said, "Fa Ping, if you were wiser, then you'd use your knees and elbows to attack. You have only a small amount of muscles, so you better off using the bony parts of your body. You can put more power behind them."

Then he lifted his hand and walked away. Mulan felt the pressure of his palm even after he was gone. It was strange, for she never expected this kind of help from the captain, but she had to stop and breathe for a few seconds before she could return to the practice.

But she remained so distracted throughout the practice that Ling was able to defeat her again.

****

Ling did not look so happy despite his victory. "He gives Ping secret tips because he is his brother-in-law." He threw a dirty look at Mulan during dinner, "No wonder, the royal advisor wants him to be demoted."

Mulan had a headache and a black eye, but the most injured part of her body was her spirit. She thanked Mushu for helping her to tend her wounds. "I wish I could help," Mushu said wiping away dried blood off her face.

"I wish there were some miracles to save me from this disgrace." She said quietly. Why did she always end messing up everything? She wished if Mushu had some magical power. Unfortunately, he was only her guardian, keeping an eye on her on behalf of her ancestors, in order to keep her safe.

"I am so sorry, baby," Mushu said a bit guiltily.

"It is not your fault." Mulan smiled, trying to cheer him up. But she was feeling miserable beyond words. She promised her father that she would prove him wrong, would show her husband that he was wrong, but now she was doing nothing but ruining her family's reputation. And this fear began to suffocate her from inside. She finished her meal and walked outside the tent for some air.

She stopped in front of the captain's tent, hearing the voices of Chi-Fu and Shang.

"No matter how you want to impress me, Shang," Chi-Fu said, "You are not doing any good as a captain. Your troop fails in every task. How long will you help them personally?"

"These boys are new." Shang tried to defend, "Just give them a few more weeks and they will learn everything."

"But how long?" Chi-Fu sounded a bit annoyed, "In the last report, we got from your father that the Huns have already reached near the Tai-hang Shan Mountains. Four troops were killed to stop their advances. We need more soldiers as soon as possible."

"But…" Shang tried to protest, but Chi-Fu stopped him. "I will give you one more month to prove yourself, or you will be demoted to an ordinary soldier."

Despite her own vulnerable position, Mulan worried about her husband. She did not know the exact reason, but she assumed it was a trait she picked up during her short time as a wife. Their eyes met for a moment when he came out of the tent. He was not in his usual tempered mood, instead, he looked tired. Dark circles lined his eyes; lines of worry creased his forehead. He greeted her with a stony expression, so Mulan wondered if he had aged a lot in only one day. He did not scold her for eavesdropping but kept walking.

"I am sorry for sucking so miserably in everything." Feeling a surge of guilt for putting him in his current situation, Mulan tried to apologize. "But I promise I will learn."

Shang stopped hearing her words and turned. "When?"He sounded so impatient, "You talk big, Ping, but you don't do anything to keep your words. It had been a month but you cannot even aim your arrow in the right direction. You can't even punch your opponent even when I gave your clues. If you really understand your fault, Ping, then try to do something to prove your worthiness." His voice was cold, and devoid of emotions, "If you fail, I will be forced to throw you out of the army, and summon the right person in your place."

Mulan could feel the silent desperation behind his anger. He was an excellent trainer, Mulan had to admit, no matter what she felt about him as a husband. He tried hard to make them worthy soldiers for the imperial army, but everyone failed him so miserably. The worst part of it was that when Mulan put herself in his place and looked at things from his point of view, she could understand exactly how he felt and why.

This realization made her feel a sudden surge of affection for him that she never felt before.

Chapter Text

Mulan could not recognize the girl in her reflection.

She untied her shirt and stared at her bare side, which was patched with bruises. For a second the colors mesmerized her, bright green and deep blue and brown. She changed as fast as she could. She wanted to let her hair hang loose because lifting her arms was still painful, but she could not take any chance. She looked at her reflection in the water stood still at her feet and saw a stranger. She had dark hair, a round face like her, but that was where the similarities stopped. She did not have a black eye, and a split lip, or a bruised jaw full of false beard. She was not as tanned as a copper plate. She could not possibly be her, though she moved when she moved. She looked nothing like the gentle bride from the Li house or the rebel daughter from the Fa family. She looked like someone else. Someone completely different.

By the time Mushu came back with his usual tasteless porridge, Mulan sat by the river, staring at her untied shoes. Her stomach still hurt from Ling's kick yesterday. It would hurt more if she bent down to tie her shoes. Gratitude surged through her heart as the tiny dragon sat at her feet and began to tie her shoes. She did not know what to do without him.

"Thank you," she said.

"Well, we would never get there on time if you had to tie them yourself," Mushu said handing her the bowl. "Come on. You can eat and walk at the same time. Everyone has already gathered in the training field." Then he helped her to stand. Her balance was still a bit iffy, but she steadied herself on her feet anyway. She had to. She would not give up, no matter what happened.

She crossed the path leading to the camp quickly. Every thump of her feet sent pain through her ribs, but she ignored it. By the time she reached the camp, everybody was already lined up in the middle of the training field.

"How are you feeling, Ping?" Chein-Po looked concerned as she limped in.

"Better than last night," Mulan assured him taking her place among the soldiers.

"Stumpy Legs over here turned into an old man overnight." Ling grinned, in a voice full of mock sympathy, "Are you still crying for your mommy? Do you need to kiss it better?" He busted into laughter at his joke, and Yao joined in.

"We are all awed by your incredible strength, Ping," added Yao. They had an ugly laugh, Mulan gritted her teeth. She needed to learn how to ignore it if she wanted to survive here. The sooner, the better.

Today's lesson involved weight lifting. Mulan's heart sank at the sight of the barbells. There was no way she could move a single one in her current condition.

"Feeling a bit stiff, baby?" Ling whispered in her ear.

Captain Shang, standing in front of the pack, spoke before Ling could retort. "Are you going to follow me before I throw two of you out of the class?"

Everyone fell quiet. Mulan watched wide-eyed as Shang lifted the barbell to shoulder level in one motion and above the head in another, separate motion. His legs flexed at the time of the lift, and she feared he would stumble backward with the weight, but soon he straightened and returned to the same plane to complete the lift.

Chein-Po started with the heavier ones. He lifted them with such an ease that Mulan could not but envy him a bit. Ling and Yao had excelled with lighter weights already, so they went for the medium ones. Mulan decided to go for the lightest ones, but she could not find any when it came to her turn. Instead, her place was full of heavy plates, possibly heavier than herself. She turned to find Ling grinning widely behind her, and she realized that he might have switched the plates. She was planning to ask Mushu for help, but then she found Shang's stern gazed fixed on her.

Silently she scolded herself for being such a coward. Ling's insults shouldn't bother her, and she should focus on getting better at her task, not on how badly she did yesterday. And she should be willing, if not able, to defend herself instead of relying on someone else to do it for her. So she decided to go for whatever waiting for her.

"Follow me." Shang said as she bent to lift the weight, "You need to do exactly what I shall do now." He stood beside her and bent to lift his. "No matter how much strength you possess, you can do everything if you follow the right technique." He whispered close to her ears.

Startled, Mulan looked at his face. He sounded just like her father. But his voice was completely professional, devoid of all emotions.

It felt strange to work with him side by side, but his words had a strange effect on her. It made her feel more determined than she was at the beginning of the class. So she followed her instructor's words, memorized the way his body moved when he lifted the weight, the way his bare chest glistened with sweat. She tried to look past him and concentrate, but her eyes shifted back to her husband. She didn't know what she expected to see, or what she wanted to see if anything. Her knees buckled under the weight, and she was about to collapse, but she followed him without thinking.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself as an object of wide-eyed gazes. Surprised, she gazed at herself and realized that she had finally succeeded in her task. Even Chi-Fu looked surprised. After a moment of silence, the crowd busted into applause. Ling looked disappointed, but he kept his mouth shut from hurling another insult at her. Chein-Po patted her shoulder.

"Congratulations Ping." He smiled warmly.

"Thanks." She smiled back, looking at her husband expectantly. But he only lifted his shoulder casually, "Well done, Ping."

Mulan's heart sank. She was expecting some appreciation from the man who inspired her through the whole session, but he simply moved on to the next lesson like nothing happened. She swallowed her disappointment and concentrated on the next part of their lesson.

****

News from the outside world hardly reached the Yu-Shun camp. A messenger from the general came in that evening, with the news of the Huns burning down two villages near Wu-Chuan province. Two troops were killed to stop their invasion, but nothing could save those poor villages from destruction.

Mulan's stomach pinched as she heard the gory details. Out of the corner of her eyes, she watched blood draining Ling's face when he heard the names of the villages. Shang's frown only grew deeper. The messenger also informed that they were able to save a few and kept them in a nearby refugee camp. Mulan was tempted to ask the messengers about more details, but Shang dismissed them soon after the meeting.

That night she had trouble falling asleep. Her own village was only ten miles away from the place of attack. She had not yet received any message from her father, so she supposed that he kept his mouth shut for the sake of her safety. Now she felt worried about their safety. She asked Mushu if he could see or feel anything, but the tiny dragon said that he had no power to predict the future.

She buried her face in the pillow. Would she ask Shang to give her some hints about the current condition of her family? It would be unwise, because the moment he contacted her family, he would find out about her daring escape. She had a thousand questions, and they swirled in her head, now she doubted she would be able to sleep until she could answer them.

She heard a scuffle across the tent and lifted her head from the pillow. It took her a few moments to adjust to the dark. She heard another shuffling and the squeak of a shoe. A heavy thud. And then a wail that curdled her blood and made her hair stand on end. She threw the blankets back and stood on the ground with bare feet. She still could not see well enough to find the source of the scream, but she saw two human shapes trying to hide in the shadows. Another scream pierced her ears. Few more people rushed near the figures still trying to escape in the dark.

"Thieves!" Chien-Po was carrying a lamp, and Mulan saw a small crowd near the entrance of the tent.

"I got them," Yao said, wrapping his strong arms around one of the intruders.

"Let us go…" Cried one of them from the middle of the gathering, and it sounded surprisingly like a woman.

A woman's voice!

Chein-Po brought the lamp close to the crowd and shone it over the faces of the guilty. They squinted at the sight light. Mulan gasped when she recognized the intruders- Ling and a woman, almost nine months pregnant standing helplessly in the middle of the crowd.

Yao immediately released his hold on the woman's arm. His single eye was wide as a saucer. "Is this a woman?" He threw a perplexed gaze at his comrade.

"Have you just stepped so low to bring a harlot in the camp?" Chien-Po asked, still not able to believe his eyes.

Ling automatically placed a protective arm around his companion. "She is my wife." He protested firmly, "Her name is Ting-Ting." Ting-Ting still looked frightened at the sight of so many unknown faces around her. She leaned closer to her husband as if she was trying to melt into his body.

"But don't you know that women are not allowed here?" Yao shook his head disapprovingly. "Send her back, Ling. The captain and the royal advisor will have both you executed if they find her out."

"But she has nowhere to go." Suddenly Ling stood up straight, still keeping his arm around his wife's shoulders. Determination flashed in his eyes when he spoke, "The Huns has burned down our house. I have followed the messengers to the refugee camp with a hope that she is still alive, and found her there, being treated like dirt. Will you allow if this happened to your pregnant wife too?"

Mulan could not believe her eyes. Since their meeting, Mulan found Ling nothing but a complete jerk, only capable of insulting people. But seeing him protecting his wife in such furious manner, made her respect this man all on a sudden. She could not but pity herself, her rotten luck, even when she was living so close to her husband.

So she decided to step forward. "We better talk with the captain." She suggested. "He is a reasonable man. I think he will give Ling's condition a thought."

Yao gave her a strange look like she had gone mad. Various suggestions began to appear, but no one was ready to let a woman live among men.

"It is disgraceful," Yao commented.

"A woman in the camp!" The crowd went silent hearing Chi-Fu's sharp voice from behind. He was walking towards the crowd with the captain in tow. Both of them were still in their nightdress. "I can't imagine your soldiers behaving like this, captain." He shook his head at the captain disapprovingly, "What a disgrace."

" I will make sure that this thing will not happen again, advisor," Shang assured him as he ordered the guards to take Ling away. The crowd parted, making way for the guards. None of them looked too sympathetic to stop the guards from taking their comrade away. Ting-Ting tried to reach for her husband, but another guard restrained her.

"But he was trying to…" Finally, Mulan decided to speak up for Ling, at least for the sake of his wife. But she was cut off by Shang's stern glare.

"Rules are rules, Ping. And I believe that you were told very well that no women are allowed in the camp." He said flatly. "When you are a soldier, you need to value the rules above your personal gain. The soon you learn it, Fa Ping, the soon you will become a man."

Mulan stared up at him. For the first time since she confronted him, she saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. She was tempted to ask if he had abandoned his own wife for the sake of rules, but he simply avoided her gaze and ordered the guards to bring the guilty to his tent for trial.

Chapter Text

That night, the trial was witnessed by a hundred and twenty soldiers of the camp.

Shang walked in the middle of the crowd, his movements slow, and stood over Ling with his arms folded. He said quietly, "Do you have any idea what you have done?"

Ling remained silent, his eyes fixed on the ground beneath his feet.

"You have disobeyed the rules of the army," Shang said, "You have disgraced your position. You dishonored your family name." If he had yelled, Mulan might not have felt like everything inside her stomach was about to come out of it. If he had yelled, she would have known that the yelling was the worst he planned to do. But his voice was quiet and his words precise. He grabbed Ling's shoulders and forced him to face him.

"Now you have only two choices. Leave the army and go back to where you have come from, or take the punishment given for your disobedience."

At a distance, Ting-Ting was shaking like a fallen leaf in the strong wind. She was probably blaming herself for her husband's fate. Mulan could not but feel a bit of sympathy for the poor girl, because punishments for such crimes were often too cruel. Everyone was holding their breaths, waiting for Ling's answer.

Ling pushed himself to his knees. He raised his head to meet the captain's eyes but again remained silent.

"Leave him to me, captain." Chi-Fu cut in, "I know how to make him speak."

Shang was annoyed with the interruption, but he stepped aside quietly. He released Ling's arm to meet the royal advisor's eyes, "What are you planning to do with him, advisor?"

"I know how to teach people like him a good lesson." The corners of Chi-Fu's eyes twitched as he threw a hateful look at Ling.

There was odd cruelty in his voice that made Mulan cringe inwardly. Shang did not look so happy either. Yet he kept his mouth shut when Chi-Fu ordered the guards to fetch the guilty. Then he turned to face the rest of the crowd. "Follow me." He said.

And they did.

****

Mulan could feel the roar of the river in her chest.

They stopped near the bank and Chi-Fu ordered Ling to strip off his clothes. It was extremely cold outside, and Mulan watched Ling stripping off his clothes without any hesitation. His teeth chattered as he stripped off last of his clothing and walked into the ice cold water, completely naked. Mulan could see the expression of pain as the icy water touched his warm skin, but he bit his lips and continued to walk until the water reached to his neck.

"He will remain there for the night." Chi-Fu announced, in an oddly pleasant tone despite the grimness of the whole event, "No one is allowed to help him to get out of the water. If anyone does, he will be punished too."

The crowd nodded in silent agreement, though Mulan could not understand how they could even allow this. If she felt cold despite her warm clothes, she could not even imagine how Ling would survive in that freezing water for long. Out of the corner of her eyes, she tried to see Shang's face, to see any sign of sympathy behind his cold mask, but she was shocked to find none.

"You can do this, mate." Yao encouraged.

For the first hour and a half, Ling was fine. His face remained stoic and his body didn't shake. Mulan started to think he might make it and show Chi-Fu how foolish he was to underestimate him.

Then the temperature started to drop. Ling wrapped his arms around his bare shoulders to keep himself from shivering. But as the night grew older, the temperature continued to drop lower and lower. In the second hour, Ling started to shiver so uncontrollably that even his manly pride could not keep himself warm anymore. Most of the soldiers had already returned to their tents, including Chi-Fu, but those who remained did not seem to have enough courage to disobey the royal advisor.

Mulan remained among the sleepless bunch as she watched Lings' lips turning blue. It was clear now that he would not survive if he had to stay in that freezing water for another hour.

Then, suddenly Ling lost his footing. His numb feet gave up as he fell back into the freezing water. He tried to keep himself from falling by holding a nearby stone, but his hands lost their hold on its slippery surface. Yao gasped, but none of them were brave enough to step forward. Ling was too exhausted to swim. He kept drowning.

Ting-Ting did not utter a word during the whole trial. But as she watched her husband falling to his doom, she could not hold herself back anymore. She started to walk towards the water.

"What are you doing?" Mulan tried to restrain her, but she simply brushed her hand off her shoulder. Everyone gasped as they watched Ling's pregnant wife swimming towards her drowning husband, trying hard to keep his head above the water with all her might. But she was already exhausted from carrying the weight of her unborn child, now she was not strong enough to keep her husband from drowning.

"Please, help us." Ting-Ting was crying. No one stepped forward, not even Shang.

Mulan never felt so ashamed in her life. But what could she even do? If she helped her, Chi-Fu would make her fate the same as Ling. Would she let them drown, or would she risk her honor to being kicked out of the camp? Was she strong enough to support both of them? She knew what those questions were: excuses. Human reason can excuse any evil, her father used to say.

For a moment, Mulan could see her own reflection in the drowning woman's eyes. They were not so different. Both of them were rule-breakers. She would suffer the same fate if she ever got caught. She silently cursed herself for being such a coward.

She took off her warm coat and shoes and waddled into the water. She swam towards the drowning couple as fast as she could in the freezing water. She wrapped her arms around Ting-Ting's shoulder to help her to carry Ling, but he was already unconscious. Ting-Ting was also exhausted, so she leaned on her shoulders for support. The ground beneath her feet was slippery, and Ling was like a dead weight on her shoulder. Slowly she began to guide them carefully to the bank.

She tried to swim, encouraging Ting-Ting to keep swimming as well, but all of their limbs were turning numb from the cold.

Then Mulan lost her footing too.

****

Shang's conscience was warring over his reasonable part since Chi-Fu ordered Ling to step in that freezing water. Yes, he never supported disobedience, but he also knew the need of able men in the army. Ling was one of his best trainees. All he planned to punish him with a few whiplashes. He cursed himself for letting the royal advisor dominate in the first place. And now things were only becoming worse.

Now, if he helped them, he would contradict his own superior. Years of military training taught him to value his superior's orders above everything. He would be a bad example if he joined this idiotic mess now. It would encourage the rest of his subordinates to do such things in the future. But he could never forgive himself if two of his soldiers died today. It was a part of his responsibility to protect his subordinates as a commander of this troop. Would he let two people die to punish one, or would he let himself live with the guilt forever? What is worse- to be idle when someone dies, or contradict the order of his superior he was taught to obey since the beginning of his military training?

His father would have no problem answering that question.

But Shang was not his father, and his values were still shadowed by his relatively immature mind.

He hated himself for not being brave enough to stop Chi-Fu in the first place. He also hated himself for not being brave like Ping. Bravery is another name of foolishness, he knew it too.

Probably his conscience finally won over his reasonable part, or he simply lost his mind for a while, because next moment he walked into the water, and reached for Ping's hands.

In her dazed state, Mulan seized on the hand and clung to it for all the help it offered. For a moment her eyes met the eyes of her rescuer. She almost lost her hold when she recognized her husband. Shang's gaze flicked to the slender fingers gripping his wrists with a strength that seemed born of fear.

"Hold on, Ping." He assured her.

Few more hands reached for her, and her companions, pulling them out of the water. Mulan dropped to the ground, her back soaking wet, her body quivering. Yao and Chein-Po helped Ling and his wife out of the water.

Shang knelt next to her. His eyes never left hers when she finally spoke.

"Thank you." She said, in a grateful tone. For the first time, Shang noticed the strange resemblance between his wife and his brother-in-law. Strangely, they both had the same dark, inquisitive eyes. He had not gotten a word from her since he left her at her father's house. He wondered if she was even alive.

He stared down at the pale lad with the amazing eyes and felt a deep stirring of care mingled with admiration—a combination of emotions that was completely foreign to him. "You are lucky that Chi-Fu is not present here." He tried to sound as stern as possible.

Ping's eyes regained their look of stubbornness immediately. "I was just trying to save two drowning people." She shot back, trying to get up from the ground. But her legs were still numb from cold, and she stumbled as she tried to stand.

"A soldier must learn to differentiate between right and wrong." Shang caught her before she fell. "Breaking rules is never considered as an act of bravery."

"A soldier must be kind too." Ping replied stubbornly as their eyes met briefly, "Ling only brought his wife here for shelter. He never deserved this kind of cruel punishment."

"I never supported Chi-Fu's actions." Shang tried to defend himself.

"But you remained silent." Ping breathed impatiently in his arms.

His words reminded him oddly of his wife. She was never afraid of speaking the truth. It was a shame that he never got enough time to know her. Now her brother's behavior made him curious about the similarity. Was it a simple coincidence or a family trait?

Shang caught his breath at the unexpected wisdom behind the young soldier's words and froze in amazement when he felt an odd, inner tingle from the boy's touch. A boy's touch. Brusquely shaking off the small hand, he wondered grimly if his long abstinent from sex was turning him into some sort of a perverted dilettante.

"Ling broke rules, so he deserved punishment." He warned her, "Never try to pull this kind of stunt again. Or next time you will be in his place." Then he turned, without having a look at his young trainee's reaction.

He ordered other soldiers to provide three of them with warm blankets. On his way back to his tent, he found Ling's wife leaning over her husband's unconscious form, praying quietly for his quick recovery. The expression in her face was so tender, her eyes were full of so much concern for her husband, that Shang stopped to see the couple for a while. He had never seen any couple risking their lives and honor for each other. It was surely a stupid act, but Shang could not stop thinking about it.

What was it? Love?

For once in his life, he almost envied Ling's luck.

Chapter Text

In the next few weeks, life in the camp returned to normal again.

In the morning, shortly after dawn, the men arose and practiced with their weapons for several hours, making the fields and valley ring with the ceaseless, discordant noises and battle cries. Even the higher ranking soldiers practiced daily also, adding the twang of their bows to the clanking of metal on metal, swords against swords, spears against spears. The horses were taken out each day and drilled, their riders galloping them at breakneck speed in mock charges against imaginary foes, until the sounds of warfare continued to drum and echo in the air long after the men ceased for the midday meal.

But a few things indeed changed after that night, one of them was Mulan's relationship with her fellow trainees. Ling had been helpful to her during practice sessions since the day she spoke up for him and his wife. He taught her a few tricks of hand to hand combat. He was so good in that particular style of fighting that Mulan admitted that he was even better than their captain sometimes.

"You have earned your dragon tattoo rightfully from your master." She said to Ling, though Mushu disagreed a bit. In his opinion, dragons looked more ferocious than the image over Ling's abdomen.

Yao was warming up too. Even once he offered her to help to bath Khan. That day Mulan found that man had a strange fascination for horses, but he could not afford to buy one. Mulan gladly offered him to let him ride Khan once a day if he stopped pulling dirty tricks on her, and Yao had no way but agree. It worked like magic. He stopped putting insects in her bed so that Mulan could finally sleep peacefully at night.

It was a new experience. She never had real friends here except her faithful guardian Mushu. She always felt out of place in a bunch of unfriendly men.

When they were finally dismissed for lunch in that evening, she found Ling waving at her from a corner. "I saved a seat for you, Ping." He smiled, making a place for her.

"Thank you." She returned his smile, taking her seat beside him.

Yao and Chien-Po joined them eventually. As they ate, they discussed their day, about the new battle skills they had learned today. But Mulan found it more fascinating learning about the people she barely spoke with a few months ago. She had never imagined herself sitting among a bunch of unknown men, speaking with them the matters she had hardly talked before. She always wondered what kind of freedom men enjoyed when they were not bound by many rules of society. But she was surprised to find that that they were also bound by their own fears and insecurities. Most of the times their manly pride was only a way to hide their weaknesses.

They switched to one topic to another, and finally, their discussion returned to the incident of that night, about how lucky Ling was to be spared from further punishment. They expressed their gratitude to Mulan for her unexpected bravery, and the generosity of the captain to allow Ling to move his wife to a safer place.

"How is your wife, Ling?" Chien-Po asked.

"She gave birth to our son two days ago." Ling smiled broadly. Mulan could not miss the hint of the secret pride of a new father behind his smile. "The captain made all the arrangement for her stay with his aunt in Changquin. This place is not yet attacked by the Huns. Besides the captain's aunt is a very nice woman."

"Our captain is a very generous person too." Yao agreed.

Mulan's eyes shifted unconsciously to her husband sitting at the head of the dining table, discussing something with Chi-Fu. The royal advisor was not very happy with the captain's disobedience and he never hesitated to express his dissatisfaction in every possible way. Now their relationship was only deteriorating more and more with every passing day.

Mulan did not know what made Shang act suddenly so out of character. She stopped eating and looked at his face. Their eyes met across the table. But his face remained stoic, his expression remained unreadable. Was his coldness a part of his mask too?

****

They had no more classes scheduled after lunch, so the soldiers were free for the evening. Yao planned to take Khan for a ride, while Chien-Po decided to take a quick nap. Ling retired in his tent to write a letter to his wife and his new baby. So Mulan was left alone to spend the evening wholly by herself. She decided to take a walk outside with Mushu.

Outside the tent, Shang was practicing sword fight in the training field. His assistant was one of the senior soldiers of the army and was very much skilled in the art of fighting with a Jian, a special kind of double-edged sword, but Shang's skills were far more advanced. Mulan stopped to see the metal of his sword gleaming in the setting sun, and his sweat covered body; his graceful movements only reminded her of her father's skill.

Mushu urged her to go on with her previous plan, but Mulan was so engrossed with the amazing display before her that she hushed him gently. Mulan wished she could join them, but Jian was considered as a sacred weapon, reserved only for the oldest and the best soldiers of the army.

Shang outwitted his opponent with his intelligent moves, but his opponent defended himself with his equally tricky footwork. Suddenly he slipped his legs under his right one, making Shang slip, his sword clattered on the ground. Mulan expected him to fool his opponent with another trick, but Shang seemed a bit helpless at the point of his sword.

"Got you, captain." His opponent grinned.

For some reason, Mulan could not accept her husband losing in a simple sword fight. She quickly unsheathed her own sword and slipped behind the other man, thrusting it at the older soldier's back.

"Make your move, captain." She told him.

Both of them were startled with this sudden interruption, but Shang did not waste this opportunity. He grasped his opponent's hand with one and reached for his sword with another. With a thrust of his elbow, he quickly grounded his opponent.

"You lost, Jan-Chu." He told him, pointing his sword at his throat.

Jan-Chu raised his eyebrows instead of admitting his defeat. Mulan only gripped her sword more tightly.

"It seems you got another partner to practice with, captain." He said joyfully, clearly admiring the young soldier's skills.

Shang's eyes shifted to his unexpected alley. He did not certainly expect the small skinny boy standing right beside him, jauntily crossing one ankle in front of the opposite leg, looking like a remarkably pretty, youthful swordsman, holding his rusty sword.

"Have you fenced before?" Shang asked, his dark brows still furrowed in disbelief. Fighting with a Jian was considered as a part of advanced training, and was reserved only for older, experienced soldiers of higher ranks, while young, inexperienced soldiers like Ping were reserved for the cavalry. Besides, Ping was never good at anything, but the flawless motion he had just executed with an old sword, that Shang couldn't believe the worst student of his class could master such a technique overnight. On the other hand, he couldn't believe Ping possessed any real knowledge or skill, either.

"Who taught you this?" He asked.

"My father." She replied proudly, her confidence suddenly increasing by the puzzled expression in the captain's face. "He was one of the frontline fighters of the imperial army."

"Fa Zhou was one of my trainers during my earlier years in the army," Shang commented, carefully observing the way she was holding the sword. Very professional, he noted.

"I disarmed him three times," Mulan said, her spirit soaring higher with his simple words of appreciation.

Shang was aware of that daylight slipping past, and he was getting late in a meeting with Chi-Fu, but his fascination rapidly won out over his common sense. Really, this boy, Ping would never cease to amaze him. First, he risked his life to save Ling, now he was boasting about some advanced fighting techniques he barely had an idea of.

"You sound very brave, Ping," he said, deliberately discouraging her silly dreams, with an aim to bring her back to the reality. "But sword fighting is one of the most advanced battle skills. It is not only a skill, but it is also an art. It needs years to master this art. You can hardly wield a bow to shoot an arrow. So don't tell me to believe this."

"I am not lying. My father taught me to hold a sword since I was four." Mulan protested, "I spent years learning it. I can show you if you want."

"No, no…" Mushu whispered urgently behind her, knowing it was simply stupid to challenge Shang in swordplay. He was one of the best swordsmen in the troop.

But Mulan was so much eager to show her skills that she ignored Mushu's advice completely. "You may think I am weak." She returned his gaze with the same confidence, "But you must also know that Jian is called the Lady of weapons. But she can be fierce when needed."

"Ping is right, Shang." Jan-Chu agreed, "There is only one way to find out how good he is."

Accepting her challenge with a gleam of amusement, Shang reached for his sword. By the time he unsheathed his sword, she wiped hers clean. Then she wrapped her slender fingers around the handle and faced him, her color gloriously high, her dark eyes sparkling with anticipation, her sword posed in a gesture of salute.

"Shall we begin?" She glanced at him, but Shang's mind was momentarily preoccupied with how similar she looked like his wife in that particular pose, and another, less welcome awareness: Desire. Without warning, he felt hot desire pulsing to life within him—unexpected, unwelcome, but undeniable.

"Captain?"

His gaze shot to hers.

"Shall we begin?"

Realizing he was feeling some unnatural feeling for a boy, he jerked his mind from such unholy thoughts. "Yes, we should." He replied with an effort, mentally chiding himself for harboring such kind of forbidden thoughts about a boy.

Mulan bowed, touching her sword to her forehead in a formal salute. Shang returned the salute, though his mind was occupied with the undeniable similarity between Ping and his wife, the inquisitive sparkle in his dark eyes and the exquisite rosy color at his young cheeks.

Mulan had scored two points on him before he finally managed to concentrate on the swordplay, and even then she proved to be a worthy opponent. What she lacked in strength, she made up in lightning-quick moves and flashy footwork. But in the end, it was her footwork that finally cost her match. She had stalked him halfway around the clearing, advancing quickly, holding her ground, never retreating unless he physically overpowered her. With only one point left to decide the outcome, Mulan suddenly saw an opening and lunged at him. Mulan saw the proud smile appearing in Shang's lips as he blocked her attack, quickly slipping behind her and charged, cornering her with his next move.

"You lost," He chuckled as he pointed his sword at her throat.

"I am not." Mulan slipped her leg tactfully under his, a trick she recently learned from her own instructor, making him fall on the ground. Shang reached for her hand to prevent the fall, and both of them settled on the ground together.

Shang's cold hand clamped around one of her hips, one of his fingers finding a strip of bare skin just under the hem of her shirt. He squeezed, steadying her and pushing her gently away from him, helping her to stand up from the ground.

Now Mulan couldn't breathe. She paused, staring at her hands, her mouth dry. She felt the ghost of where his hand was.

"So you are using my tricks on me?" he asked.

"I am a first learner," She said, her voice strained.

"Very clever." Mulan was surprised to find that Shang was not angry at all, instead, he looked pleased with the progress she made. "I have never seen anyone mastering a Jian before learning to shoot an arrow. It seems you will do better in the frontline than the cavalry. "

He was praising her indirectly, Mulan realized. She had never been praised by anyone before.

"You better credit my father for this." Mulan shook her head, her chest rising and falling as she strove to catch her breath. But the heightened color on her cheeks owed far more to his touch than her exertion. "I used to play with my father's weapons when I was little. Jian was the only weapon I could wield without any difficulty."

"So he taught you fighting with it?" He asked the image of his wife wielding a sword in their wedding night flashed in his mind. Were all Fa children this unusual? "But traditionally no one is allowed to hold a Jian before mastering other weapons first." He shook his head disapprovingly.

"My father says, there is no boundary for knowledge." Mulan shook her head impatiently, "Once you find your center you must learn it by heart."

"Did Fa Zhou spoil all of his children rotten?" He smiled half-jokingly. "Because I remember someone speaking exactly like you."

Mulan's eyes shifted to her husband's face immediately, trying to find any kind of recognition in his eyes. When she did not find any, her fear was quickly replaced by anger.

"Is that what you think about my sister?" She shot back immediately, "A spoiled child?"

Shang quickly regretted asking such question, because Ping's angry expression only reminded him of the similarities he shared with his wife. Though he despised her for what she did, he could not still forget how amazing she was in his arms, the feelings of her soft lips against his own. He disliked her spirit, still, he missed her courage. Time after time, the memories of undressing her and holding her invaded his idle thoughts. Now Ping's question again renewed those thoughts. What was wrong with him? He was searching for similarities between a boy and his wife. Was his long abstinence from sex turning him into some kind of pervert?

Instead of answering Mulan's question, he directed his inner thoughts at her, "Ping, have you ever been in love?"

Mulan was taken aback by his question but did not lose her wit. She took a deep breath, trying to find a suitable answer. But when she looked back at him, the truth spluttered from her mouth almost involuntarily.

"Yes."

Chapter Text

Their time was drawing closer.

Every day new areas were attacked by the Huns and the imperial army failed to stop their advances. In many provinces, they were either being killed or were forced to surrender. The number of uninjured soldiers on the battlefield was decreasing at an alarming rate, which meant the reserved troops would be called in soon.

Every morning they were lined up in the training field for practice. They had to practice until they became exhausted. Still, Shang made them practice a few more hours even after the sunset. After her outstanding performance with a sword, Mulan was often paired with the captain during practices, which meant having more interactions, more physical contact with him every day.

If only she could control her body's treacherous reaction to his touch, she would not be so worried. There were moments when she could not hide her blush, or his hands almost missing her breasts for an inch. She could hardly control her feelings when she was with him, and now she feared to lose her cover to him in some incautious moment.

If she turned back now, she would only bring dishonor to her family. If she stayed, she would have to live with the fear of getting caught. Still, she had chosen to stay. So she took extra precaution before walking out of the tent. Usually, her clothes were loose enough to hide her feminine curves, but today she wore the tightest undergarment she had so that her breasts almost flattened beneath the tight clothing.

She could not find Shang when she walked into the training field. Instead, there was Chi-Fu standing in his place with his quill poised, ready to write down whatever mistakes they made.

"Your captain is busy today." Chi-Fu announced with a wicked grin, "But he ordered you to carry on with your practices. I shall watch over you in his absence."

His voice sounded oddly joyous, and Ling made a face. Mulan sensed that today would not be going to be a happy day.

Soon the whole troop broke into small groups, choosing their own ways of practice. Ling teamed up with Yao in a hand to hand combat, and Mulan invited Chien-Po in a sword fight. For an hour and a half, all of them did well. Yao and Ling's competition grew intense, while Mulan taught Chien-Po the basics of a sword fight. But as the day grew older, all of them began to grow tired. Usually, Shang allowed them to have a break after every two hours of practice, but today Chi-Fu showed no sign of telling them to stop.

"Stop!" wailed Ling as Yao pulled his foot back to kick again. He held out a hand. "Stop! I'm…" He coughed. "I'm done."

Out of the corner of his eyes, Chien-Po watched them quitting the fight. "I really need a break, Ping." He said, his arms falling to his sides tiredly.

Mulan was feeling the same. She wiped the sweat off her face and nodded, "But we can't have a break until Chi-Fu allows us."

"Fuck Chi-Fu…" Chien-Po cursed under his breath as he watched Chi-Fu walking toward the center of the training field, his movements slow, and stood over Ling with his arms folded. He said quietly, "I'm sorry, what did you say? You're done?"

Ling pushed himself to his knees. When he took his hand from the ground, it left a wet handprint behind. "But the captain allows us to have a break in every two hours." He faced him bravely. "Besides all of us are tired. We can't practice long if we continue to go on like this."

"But today I am in charge here," Chi-Fu said. If he had yelled, Mulan might not have felt like everything inside her stomach was about to come out of it. If he had yelled, she would have known that the yelling was the worst he planned to do. But he turned to face the crowd, his voice quiet and precise. "You must work until I tell you to stop. All of you must practice until the sundown."

The crowd gasped, but no one dared to protest. Chi-Fu finished his announcement and threw a victorious gaze at Ling, "You might not have forgotten your punishment yet."

His words were enough to shut up Ling. Chien-Po whined in frustration. Mulan wondered what was keeping their captain busy for so long.

****

Fortunately, Chi-Fu's energy did not last long. He dozed off in his seat long before the midday meal. Chien-Po took a quiet step near him and waved his hands in front of his face. When he got no response, Ling trickled his ear with grass. This time Chi-Fu answered with a loud snore.

It was now confirmed that Chi-Fu would not be waking up soon, so nobody wanted to waste this opportunity. Ling fell flat on the ground, while Chien-Po became busy to deliver some food to his hungry stomach. Rest of the soldiers ran to fetch their bags and water bottles. Mulan decided to peek inside the captain's tent.

The tent was empty. His breakfast lay uneaten on the table, his armor remained untouched in a corner. Mulan tiptoed inside and looked around herself, but there was no sign of his presence. He looked so distressed when a messenger from the general came to meet him earlier this morning, and now she wondered what made him leave his tent unnoticed.

"Look," Suddenly Mushu pointed at the backdoor and a pair of footprints outside.

"Thank you, Mushu." Mulan thanked her faithful companion and checked the footprints. Knowing it was unauthorized, her curiosity made her follow them.

She certainly did not expect the footprints leading her to the riverbank where she found her husband.

"What is he doing here?" Mushu frowned. Mulan stopped at a distance to have a clear look of him. He was sitting down on a stone, leaning against a thick tree trunk. His eyes lifted to the sky, where there was the sun was peeking through a thick layer of clouds. He looked almost lost into some deep thought, holding an old helmet in his lap. For some reason, his presence in this place gave her a weird feeling. It was the place where she sought loneliness when she became exhausted by the routine life in the camp. But Shang was certainly not the man seeking for any kind of isolation.

All she wanted to sit beside him and ask what was troubling him so much, but she discarded the idea quickly. She had to keep her distance from him. She could not let her emotions flow so freely, she could not risk being caught.

She turned to leave but Shang's voice stopped her. "Are you here to find me, Ping?"

Mulan whirled around to find Shang standing just behind her. Does he always notice her? "No…NO…" She shook her head vigorously, trying to hide her unauthorized curiosity about him.

"It is alright." Shang assured her, "It is my fault actually. I should not sit here instead of joining the practice." There was something in his voice that made Mulan look at his face. She might have mistaken, but she was sure that there were stains of dried tears in his cheeks.

"Is everything alright captain?" Suddenly she felt a surge of concern for him. "What was the news the messenger bring?

"Nothing important," Shang replied, ignoring her concern completely. "Go back to the training field. I am going to join you soon."

His legs were shaking slightly as he turned to leave, and Mulan had a better look of the helmet in his hand. It did not belong to him, he left his armor in the tent, and still, it seemed oddly familiar.

"The general's army has fallen, hasn't it?" Suddenly Mulan recognized her father-in-law's helmet. When he did not reply, she asked again, "Are you trying to keep this news from us?"

Shang stopped and turned. His eyes were red and swollen.

"This is none of your business, Ping." He replied coldly. But Mulan was not giving up. She knew he was suffering, and for some odd reason, she did not want him to suffer alone. She did not even know what made her think like that. Maybe she just cared for him. Maybe it was just her wifely instincts that made her do this. Maybe she just did not want him to grieve alone in a corner. Despite his annoyance, she continued to follow him.

"But why are you doing this, Shang?" She asked, ignoring his icy glare. He simply ignored her and continued walking. When she did not get any answer, she decided to take more direct means. She walked past him, and stood in front of him, right in his way. "Do you think it will make you appear tough?" She persisted, "Do you think it is a shame to cry in public? If you do, then remember that you are wrong."

Shang lifted his head to meet her face. Their eyes met for a second. Mulan prepared herself for the scolding, but when she looked at his face she saw strange helplessness in his eyes.

"Shang?" She whispered.

"But what can I do?" Finally, he broke down, "'If I cry in public, my soldiers will see how quickly their captain loses his control over his emotions. If I tell them how brutally the Huns had murdered my father, they will only fear them instead of fighting. If I appear weak, my soldiers will lose their confidence before they even can go to the battlefield. I can not certainly let this happen to them." Mulan could see how badly he was trying to keep himself together. "I did not even get the chance to bury his body." He said, finally losing the battle against tears, "I have to pretend like nothing happen. You can never imagine knowing how painful it is."

There was a single tear rolling down from the captain's eyes. Mulan always pictured her husband as a stern man, unable to feel any kind of human emotion. But now she when she looked into his eyes, she could see the grieving boy behind his mask of coldness. "He was not only my father but also my mentor." He sobbed, "You can't imagine how much I depended on him for guidance. Now I have nothing left."

Mulan knew the feeling. She loved her father more than herself. She did not know what she would do if she had to lose her father today. You can have me, she wanted to say to him, her heart flooding with affection for him. She walked beside him and took his hands in hers. "I am sorry." She whispered softly.

"It is alright." Shang looked really grateful as he wiped his tears away. "But we can't just sit here and grieve. After my father's fall, there are no more efficient soldiers left to guard the mountains. We need to help them."

Mulan gasped at his incredible mental strength. How could he think for others when his own world was breaking down? It only added more to her respect for him. She felt a strange urge to wrap her arms around him, to tell him to rest until he let out all the tears of grieve.

But she did not. She stood beside her captain as a soldier should do in this situation, "You are right, captain. We have battle plans to make."

Chapter Text

When Mulan returned to the camp after burying the general's remnant, it was almost dark, and Chi-Fu was not sleeping anymore. As expected, he greeted her with a wicked grin.

"Where have you been, Ping?" He said quietly, leaning closer to her.

Mulan bit her lip. It was not good.

"I…" She mumbled, unable to find a suitable answer to satisfy him. A devilish grin almost crossed Chi-Fu's face. After the incident with Ling, the royal advisor considered her as some kind of enemy, and it was his perfect opportunity to punish her.

"I think you are well aware of the penalty for leaving the camp unnoticed." Chi-Fu smiled a little, but his eyes stayed cruel.

Mulan was preparing herself for receiving another punishment from the royal advisor, right then Shang decided to cut in.

"I sent for him to deliver my sword to me." He lied. Mulan was surprised. She did not really expect him to lie for her. He sounded bored, but he didn't look bored. His face and body were tense, alert. "I left it in the tent."

Mulan squeezed her hands into fists. No matter how casual Shang sounded, his interference was clearly an act of disobedience. And Shang did not often disobey Chi-Fu directly.

"Well." Chi-Fu was taken aback, still disappointed for not being able to punish Mulan. "But what kept him busy for this long?" He asked waving his hand at her.

Mulan held her breath, waiting for Shang's answer. Would he lie for her again? But Shang sounded completely casual, "We were discussing battle plans." He said meeting Chi-Fu's directly in his eyes, "I have decided to lead my troop to the mountains."

His announcement made the camp gasp in surprise. Chi-Fu stared at the captain, still unable to believe that he had taken such a big decision without discussing with him. His posture became so rigid that it looked like someone replaced his spine with a metal rod. The sight of him made Mulan feel like all the air in the camp was heavier, bearing down on her.

"You better inform me first before taking such decision." Chi-Fu finally said, in a voice like ice. "I am the royal advisor here, I have the right to know about your decisions first." He pointed his finger at Mulan, "Not him."

"My soldiers will fight in the battlefield." Shang shot back immediately, "They have the right to know first."

Mulan dug her fingers in her palm so hard that it stung. She felt a strange urge to punch Chi-Fu in the face when finally an evil grin appeared on his lips. "What if I don't give you the permission to move your army, captain?" He said, so quietly Mulan could barely hear him. He held up the parchment on which he was writing earlier, and said, "I am the authority here. Here and everywhere else. You cannot move a finger without my permission. Besides, once the general knows about your disobedience, you will be demoted to an ordinary soldier soon."

Color rushed into Shang's face, though his expression did not change. His grip on his sword tightened and his knuckles turned white. He was very much tempted to drive the sword straight through Chi-Fu's throat. Mulan looked from Chi-Fu's cruel, dark eyes to the angered look in Shang's face, and was amazed to see his control over his anger. But Mulan did not have much control over her anger, so it busted from her mouth, forgetting all the promises she made to her husband: "The general is dead."

Everyone gasped, and Shang only gave her a surprised look. But the expression in his face did not change a bit. Soldiers began whispering among themselves but soon were silenced by a firm stare from the royal advisor. Chi-Fu moved his eyes to the captain from Mulan. "Is it true?"

Mulan was about to throw some angry words at the royal advisor, but Shang stopped her. She was amazed to see how calm his voice was even in this situation. "The general's army has fallen." He said calmly, looking into the royal advisor's eyes as if trying to make a child understand. "There are only a few soldiers left to guards the mountains. If we do not go to help them soon, the Huns will gain easy access to the mainland in no time."

Chi-Fu listened to Shang's explanation without any interruption, and Mulan hoped that at least now he would understand the importance of this situation. But her hopes were lost when he finally announced, "Very well then, I am sending my reports straight to the emperor. The emperor will never allow a disobedient captain to lead his army." He finished his announcement with a cruel grin. Then he turned to meet the captain's eyes, "I am very disappointed with you Shang. Your dead father must be rolling in his grave seeing how incompetent his son has become."

It was enough to shut up the captain. Nobody dared to say a word as he turned his heels to go back to his tent for the dinner. Mulan was so angry that she wanted to follow Chi-Fu to his tent and punch him in the face. Maybe she would, if not Shang's firm grip on her arm stopped her.

"Control your—" he began.

"You can't just let him go like this!" Unable to control her anger, Mulan shouted.

"Yes, I did. He is my superior." Shang said quietly. "And you must remember he is your superior too."

Mulan gritted her teeth. "Superior? That man has not an ounce of the brain inside his skull. He insulted your dead father. And you are obeying his command?"

"You must obey the command of your superiors." He said. "This is the number one rules of the army, remember?"

He glared at her, and even when he glared, his eyes looked thoughtful. Their shade of dark was peculiar, so light it was almost brown, with a small patch of dark on the left iris, right next to the corner of his eye.

"Remember? Remember what?" Mulan wanted to scream watching her husband losing the battle even before going to the battlefield. "That you wanted to prove to Chi-Fu how obedient soldier you are? That you're a coward, just like he is? You are blinded by your rules, Shang. If you have opened your eyes, you will see the whole troop is ready to follow your command. You are our captain. We shall obey you, and no one else. Don't be Chi-Fu's pet dog. "

"I am not Chi-Fu's pet dog." He didn't yell. Mulan wished he would yell. She wanted him to gain the courage to break the rules when needed; she wanted him to be the tough captain who talked with her earlier this day. He unsheathed his sword slammed the point into the ground so hard that it stuck there, handle towards the sky.

"I am not a coward, Ping." He said quietly, "It is just hard to break the rules wired to your bones."

"I don't mean—" Mulan started to apologize, but he was already gone.

****

It was Mushu who found him first.

He was sitting beside the grave where they buried the general's remnant. His sword was plunged into the ground and his face was hidden behind the handle. Mulan did not want to disturb him, but he seemed somehow sensed her presence.

"Come here, Ping." Shang motioned her to join him. Mulan took a hesitant step near him and looked at his face. His face was stained with tears.

"I am sorry." She said softly.

"It is alright, Ping." He looked away from her. Silence enveloped both of them again. While Mulan was thinking about whether she should stay or leave him alone, he finally began to speak. "After my mother's death, my father never took another bride. He feared that having a step-mother would ruin my childhood. He sacrificed his biological needs for me. He was like both father and mother to me." Shang stared at the sword in his hand, letting his tears flow freely from his eyes, "He taught me how to use weapons. He taught me how to be a man. I would never be here if not he was with me. You have no idea how much I respect him, worship him."

Mulan knew this feeling. She did not have much interaction with her father-in-law. She remembered a few words she exchanged with him when she was the bride of his son on the moment he tried to stop her husband from slapping her in front of the war council. Still, she respected him from the few memories she had of him. She could picture a young motherless child growing up with his father as his idol, and now the idol was lost. It was much like the feeling she felt when her father was called in the war. She did not know what she would do if she had to lose him today.

"I understand." She whispered. "Please take your time, captain."

"No," Shang shook his head impatiently, wiping away his tears, "I am not grieving. I am just fighting with the beliefs my father taught me to obey. He always taught me to follow the rules, the traditions. He said rules and traditions are what that shapes us." Then he paused, taking a deep breath, "But sometimes I wonder if he was even right."

Mulan understood his hesitancy. It was hard to let go of the old beliefs wired to your bones since childhood. It was strange to see a man change over time. A few months ago this man did not hesitate to drive his new bride out of their house over a simple matter. She wanted to tell him that rules and traditions should not always control one's life. Traditions were created in the time of need like her father once told her, and new rules could be made when needed. She moved close to her husband and laid one of her hands on his shoulder.

"But sometimes it is okay to break the rules." She said softly. "You are doing this to save our country. Your father will understand."

Somehow her words had some soothing effect on him. He squeezed her hand on his shoulder. His fingers felt dry and warm, and the look he gave her was full of gratefulness.

"Thank you." He said, smiling a bit.

"It is alright, captain." Mulan returned his smile. Looking into those inquisitive dark eyes, Shang admired the wisdom this young soldier held. Unwillingly, his eyes fell on his full lips and wondered how many similarities he shared with his wife.

Mulan did not know what was going inside her husband's head. Fear prickled inside her, in her chest and in her head and in her hands as her eyes met the dark gaze in his eyes. She felt like the word "Traitor" was branded on her forehead, and if he looked at her long enough, he'd be able to read it. She wanted to shove him away and run, but her limbs seemed to be weakening against her will.

Tension hung in the air, and Mulan did not know what to do. But the fortune seemed to be with her that day.

"Captain." Shang was startled by a familiar voice. They broke apart to find Ling running towards them; his face bore an expression of wild fear and worry.

Shang walked near Ling and offered him some water. Ling accepted the bottle and drank greedily. When he finally calmed down, Shang asked him what made him so distressed.

The news Ling bore was devastating. "A messenger has just arrived from the mountain." Ling panted heavily, "The last army guarding the mountains has fallen. The Huns have crossed the Tang-Shung pass. Now they are approaching to Wang-Ling province."

"No," Mulan gasped because Wang-Ling province was only one night's ride away from her parent's house.

Chapter Text

Captain Li Shang explained the battle plan to his soldiers.

The plan was very simple. They would reach Wang-Ling by taking shortcuts, and wait for the Huns at the foot of the mountain before they could make their entrance into the mainland. The quickest way to Wang-Ling was through Tai-Sei, a village close to the mountains, only one night's ride away from the camp.

Chi-Fu made a small noise in protest, telling them it would be wiser to guard the emperor instead, but Shang silenced him with a stern glare. He also warned him- if he made another attempt to stop his soldiers from going to the battlefield, he would leave his superior right here, in this deserted valley without any second thought. Chi-Fu was taken aback by the young captain's outrageous behavior, but rest of the camp was with him too, so Chi-Fu could not hold his ground any longer.

Soon after the announcement, the soldiers became busy in preparing themselves for the battle. Yao helped Ling to join Khan with the cart, while Chien-Po loaded the cannons. They kept singing cheerful songs to encourage themselves, but Mulan could not shake away her worries.

She carefully avoided them and made her way towards the captain's tent. Silently she moved the flap and looked inside. But Shang looked so absorbed in his work that Mulan decided not to disturb him.

"You okay, Ping?" Somehow he sensed her presence. He rose from the ground and walked near her. Mulan shook her head. Her husband had already so much in his plate, now she did not want to burden him with her own problems.

"Don't tell me it's nothing." His voice was cold. "I am your captain, Ping. I order you to tell me whatever it is."

Mulan raised her head and lifted her eyes to his. The concern in his eyes surprised her. Heat spread through her slowly. And a warm sensation growing like fire in her chest.

"My family," She said, as calmly as she could, "lives in Tai-sei." She paused taking a deep breath, wondering if her words irritated the captain, "I don't know if they are still alive."

"I wish I could help, Ping." Shang stepped back, shaking his head sadly. There was no hint of irritation in his eyes. "But we can't stop there. It will only delay our journey."

He was right. There was no reason to delay their journey for her sake. She pressed her hands to her face and looked away. She was not the crying type. She blinked a few times, fighting back the tears.

"You are right, captain," She said quietly as she turned toward the entrance.

"Wait." He suddenly grabbed her wrist and wrenched her back. Mulan was surprised by his sudden urge and stared back at him, but he grabbed her other wrist, holding their crossed arms between them. His eyes had lost their stern look. "But I can send a messenger to check on them."

"Why?" Mulan was surprised. She had never seen her husband talking like this before. There was no reason for him to show this kind of favor to a soldier from a relatively lower rank. She gazed into his eyes and was surprised to see a new kind of tenderness in them.

"Both of us have some important people living in that village." Shang looked away. His cheeks were bright like he was embarrassed. "After the incident with your sister, you may see me as a heartless person. But I do not want to lose the only family I have after my father's death," he said. He took her hand in his, his fingertips cold and his palms warm. "After the war, I shall try to make up things with her, I promise."

Mulan believed him. If he said those words a few months ago, she would not probably believe him, but now they developed some kind of friendship where they shared the same kind of thoughts, same kind of secrets. His touch sent electricity coursing through her veins instead of blood. She wanted him to kiss her, she wanted to kiss him, but she was afraid it would reveal her feelings for him.

She stepped back without meeting his eyes, and said, "Thank you."

****

Their journey started soon after dawn.

They took the forest to cut their path short. Shang rode in front of them, so did the royal advisor, though he looked very unhappy with the arrangement. Behind them, Mulan was leading Khan's cart carrying the cannons, while the rest of the soldiers rode behind the captain. The troop moved in unison, faces laden with worries. Mulan tried to mimic them as best she could, with Mushu occasionally whispering encouraging words in her ears, but nothing could lift her spirit.

She did not know how long they walked in silence because Yao was the first to break it. He removed his helmet, and wiped the sweat off his forehead, "Is it just me or you too find this place oddly silent?"

Mulan noticed this too. It was the harvesting season, but the fields were empty, which was odd. They had been walking for hours, but none of them had seen a single living being out in the roads yet. Jan-Chu whispered something in the captain's ear. Shang immediately ordered his men to change their direction and move inside the village. Only Chi-Fu refused to join them and chose to stay behind.

Mulan followed the captain. She was dragging her cart through the narrow village road when the wheels were caught into something. She looked down to see what was blocking her way, and what she saw almost made her heart stop: a young girl, lying dead in the middle of the road, fresh blood still oozing from the wound over her heart. Mulan covered her mouth to stifle the scream coming from her mouth.

People crowded around her, everybody seemed at a loss of words when they saw the terrifying scene in front of them. Shang climbed down from his horse and ordered Chien-Po to lift the body, in order to give her a proper burial later. His dark eyes were insistent as he ordered the rest of his men, "Search for the survivors."

The soldiers nodded. They divided into small groups to spread around the village. Mulan was still shaking, her heart pounding so hard that it was difficult to breathe. She felt Shang's hand on her shoulder.

"My family…" She could barely whisper.

"We will find them," Shang said, his fingers squeezing hers.

Ling was left to guard the cannons, and Mulan untied Khan from the cart. Mushu also joined them, the tiny dragon was too worried about her family's safety. Shang kept riding ahead. Mulan knew, she should focus on the back of his head, but she could not because the roads she walked were stained with blood. They passed the matchmaker's house, the marketplace, the great temple where they used to pray in occasions.

Everything was different now. The cottages were dark and empty. The roads were packed with dead people. She recognized most of them: Cho, her best childhood friend, Mili, the kind woman who groomed her in her wedding day, Chan, the good old monk dedicated his life for in the service of Lord Buddha. The little girl, who used to deliver milk to their house every morning, was now lying dead on the pavement. No one seemed to remain alive after this genocide.

"Look," Mushu whispered, pointing at the clearing in front of them. Mulan followed his gaze to see a Hun soldier pushing an elderly man to his knees. His sword was pointed at his throat, his lips twisted in a peal of cruel laughter. The old man had a grey streak in his hair. Mulan gripped Khan's bridle so hard that the horse almost lost his balance.

Her father.

Mulan could not almost recognize him for a second. His hands were tied behind his back, his clothes stained with blood, his left arm hanging beside him at an odd angle. But his eyes did not lose their stubborn look.

"Bow to me." His captor ordered.

"Never." A bold reply came from Fa Zhou.

"Kill him." His captor ordered in a bored tone.

The soldier behind Fa Zhou swung his sword above his head, ready to slice his throat. Mulan was about to unsheathe her sword, but Shang stopped her. "Don't." He said, setting an arrow to his bow and aimed it right at the executioner's heart.

He dropped dead, his sword cluttering on the ground beside him.

Shang's sudden attack startled the rest of his companions. The tall Hun, who was ordered to kill Fa Zhou earlier, turned his attention on them. He moved his head wildly, searching for the source of the attack, and soon his dark cruel eyes found them. His eyes lit up as he saw the sign of the imperial army engraved over their armors.

"I have no idea that the old emperor has more soldiers left." His lips twisted in a cruel smile, as rest of his companions turned their attention on them. "Finish them." He ordered his men without any second thought, and the whole army began to move in their direction, leaving their previous prey behind.

"Shang…" Mulan cried in alarm, unsheathing her sword. Shang set another arrow to his bow; his eyes insistent as he said, "Run."

Mulan nodded. Shang shot an arrow to distract the Huns advancing towards them. She slipped from Khan's back and made her way to Fa Zhou.

Before she could reach near him, another Hun caught her by the wrist. Mulan tried to twist away, but he was far stronger than her. He laughed like a madman, pointing his swords right at her throat. Her life would end at that moment, if not Mushu sank his teeth right into her captor's hand. He cried in pain and released her wrist.

Mulan whirled around madly, driving her naked sword straight through her enemy's throat. Blood spurted from his neck, staining her face with red. Mulan stared down at the man, lying motionless at her feet. Her first kill.

But she had no time to panic. She looked behind her, where Shang was distracting the enemies with more arrows.

Suddenly her entire body was alive with energy. She made a wild dash towards her father, lying helplessly on the ground, the cut in his throat now spurting fresh blood. She fell on her knees beside him, checking for any sign of life, and to her relief, she found him still breathing. She checked the cut over his throat, but fortunately, it was only a superficial one.

"Dragon saliva is the best antiseptic in the world." Mushu offered.

If it was other time, Mulan would possibly squirm away, but this time she agreed. She applied his saliva over the wound and the bleeding stopped almost immediately.

"Baba…" She whispered.

Fa Zhou's eyes fluttered. His brows frowned in confusion as he saw a small armored figure kneeling in front of him. But it was only for a moment because soon he recognized his old armor.

"Mulan?" He whispered, desperately hoping that the person behind the armor was actually his daughter.

"Yes, baba." Mulan smiled through tears, helping her father to stand. Fa Zhou gasped, his face twisted with the pain shooting from his broken arm. He gasped and coughed, and gasped again, and his good hand closed around her arms. "I thought, I have lost you." He winced as he tried to hug her, but Mulan steadied her father on his feet.

"I am not going anywhere, baba." She wanted to soothe him. But she had other things to be taken care of.

"What about mama and grandma?" She asked, "Are they alive?"

"They are hiding in our ancestor's temple. They have a few more villagers with them. But it had been two days since I saw them last." Fa Zhou shook his head sadly, "I don't know if they are still alive."

In her peripheral vision, Mulan saw Shang being attacked by more and more enemies. His helmet was gone; his armor was now stained with blood. She almost gasped when one of the Huns unhorsed him. It took her a lot of willpower to stop herself from going to his aid. Her people would die if not she found them in time. She had to choose between one. Her list of options narrowed, and she could see the path she must take.

She would save her people. And whatever sacrifice she had to make that did not matter. A blanket of calm settled over her. She pulled her father's arm across her shoulders and hauled him to his feet. "We will find them." She assured him.

Fa Zhou did not know this Mulan. She might look like his daughter, might talk like his daughter, but that was where the similarities ended. She dragged him to a corner where they faced two more Huns. She drove her sword straight into them without any hesitation. They fell dead right in the spot.

She was not his little girl anymore.

Fa Zhou's heart swelled as they continued the journey through dark alleys, without looking at the men they had just killed. Time changed her for good. He remembered the sleepless nights he spent after her escape, praying to Lord Buddha for her safe return. Now she had returned, like a soldier, like a son serving his father. He had never felt so proud in his life.

They stopped for a breath.

Finally, Fa Zhou got a chance to look at his daughter closely. Her clothes were stained with blood, her hands were still shaking. It was probably her first time killing people, and Fa Zhou wanted to tell her to be strong, to teach her about the duties of a soldier. But there was not much time. "It is alright, Mulan." He placed a quick kiss on her forehead, "Everything will turn well in time. We just have to wait."

Mulan believed him. "I love you too, baba." She whispered, hugging him back, savoring the warmth of her father's affection. How long had she not held him like this? She lost the track of time.

They would stay like that for a few more moments, if not an arrow flew from their back, lodging itself in the wall behind. Mulan freed herself from her father's hug, only to see the Hun who tried to kill her father earlier, standing at the mouth of the narrow alley. He raised his bow, aiming his arrow right at her heart.

Everything happened so fast, that Mulan could not remember well. She only remembered an arrow coming in her direction, and the next time her father standing with a dead Hun's sword right in front of her. He urged her to run, moving the sword with his good arm, shielding her from her attacker.

Her attacker released another arrow. This time it was aimed at her father.

Fa Zhou stiffened, his back arching. Blood surged from the wound in his abdomen, dyeing his white Hanfu crimson.

Mulan screamed.

"Baba…" She fell to her knees beside him. His sword had sliced the Hun into half. Mushu helped her as she dragged Fa Zhou to a corner and laid him on a stone. She was frantically trying to stop the blood from flowing. But even dragon saliva could not stop the bleeding this time.

"No," Mulan cried in frustration, tears flowed freely from her eyes.

"Run, Mulan." Fa Zhou said, his breathing was labored"You must find your mother and grandmother."

"No," Mulan cried, "I can't leave you, baba."

"Mushu will protect me." Fa Zhou tried to assure his daughter. "He is our guardian dragon."

"You know me?" Mushu was surprised to find the old Fa Zhou being aware of his existence.

Fa Zhou smiled, "I have seen you many times in my dreams."

Mushu could not speak for a second. He always dreamed to be a guardian. Now the head of the Fa family bestowed him with such an honor. He could not dream for more.

Suddenly they were startled by the shrill cry. Mulan lifted her head to see a falcon circling above them. She picked her head through the small gap between stones only to see more Huns appearing. She pressed her back against the stone and held her breath. The falcon flew back to the arm of the man leading the army. A savage expression crossed his face when the body of his dead comrade came into his view.

"Shan-Yu," Mushu recognized the Hun leader immediately.

"You must go, Mulan." Fa Zhou urged. But Mulan still looked unconvinced.

"I will take care of your father," Mushu assured her.

Mulan bit her lips. It was a very big decision to make. But she had to. Tears flew over her cheeks as she stood up from her father's side and ran. She had to make through this. She had to. She looked back to meet her father's gaze. He was smiling.

Chapter Text

Three Hun soldiers pursued her. They ran in unison, their footsteps echoing in the alley. One of them shot an arrow. Mulan ducked, the arrow hit a tree to her right. Mulan unsheathed her sword and gripped it tight, ready to fight whoever came in her way.

She watched them shooting an arrow to her father. Mulan took a deep breath and drove the sword right through one of the Hun soldier's heart. Red blood spurted from his chest, staining her armor red. Another Hun chased after her, but she did not stop. She could not stop. She promised her father that she would protect her family. She squeezed her eyes tight and swung her sword blindly. This time her blade sliced the enemy's throat into half. Last of her followers watched his companion's fate and chose to retreat. Mulan turned around without opening her eyes and stumbled away from the alley.

She finally found her childhood home, which was nothing but a pile of ruins now. Remnants of fire were still burning here and there. She stopped in front of her ancestor's temple that contained what was left of her family.

Mulan knelt next to the temple door, wanting to scream for her mother and grandmother. Shang would call her unwise to make any noise. Noise might attract the Huns. So she pounded on the door. Once. Twice. Thrice. For a moment she feared the people inside suffered the same fate as the rest of the village. She wanted to cry out loud, but she clamped her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound coming from her lips and knocked again.

This time the door opened and her mother stood in the doorway. Her appearance stunned Mulan. Her face reflected vivid fear, and she was holding a knife. "Who are you?" She asked, gripping the knife more tightly.

"Mama." Mulan slowly stood up and threw away her helmet, but still, it did not convince Fa Li. So she tore away her false beard and freed her hair from the constricting bun that kept her true appearance hidden. "It is me, mama. Mulan."

Fa Li stared at her for a few seconds and then threw her arms around her daughter, her knife cluttering on the floor. "Mulan." She sobbed openly in her shoulder, hugging her close, "I never thought that I can see you again." Mulan bit her lip to keep her tears from escaping, but she hugged her mother back. It was a miracle that she found her remaining family still alive. She wiped away her tears. She had seen her mother for the first time since she ran away from home, and she did not want her to see her crying.

"I never thought to see you again." Mulan smiled back. Fa Li hurried her inside, and the door fell shut behind them.

Few more people gathered around her. In the dim candlelight, Mulan could see familiar faces, her neighbors and childhood playmates. Her grandmother stared at her long enough like she was a strange creature from another planet. Rest of the villagers gave her surprised looks but did not make any comment.

"How did you know about this place?" Fa Li asked. "Did you find your father too?"

Mulan nodded. The sight of her hopeful face made her heartache. She didn't want to think about her father's fate. She didn't want to deliver this news. She didn't want to have this news, to begin with.

"He was shot," Mulan said. "He saved me."

Grandmother Fa let out a muffled sob and looked away. Fa Li bit her lips and took a deep breath. A few drops of tears rolled over her cheeks. "At least he would die like a soldier." She said quietly.

If Mulan spoke right now, she would break down, and she could not afford to do that. So she just nodded. She did not want her father to die, but what could she even do? She left him bleeding in the road. Her heart broke whenever she remembered his bloodied face. It was not just he was her father, but he was the bravest soldier she had ever seen, who fought for her, saved her without fear, without hesitation. She could not fail to keep the promise she made to him. She could not grieve for what she had left behind.

So she stood up from the ground. Time to face the rest of the room.

"We must leave this place as soon as possible." She said quietly, after a long pause. "The Huns have taken over the whole village. We must reach the nearest refugee camp as soon as possible."

People in the room gasped. A girl named Su who lived two houses away from the Fa's held her daughter close to her chest. She was the first to secure a husband among the village girls of Mulan's age, but Mulan could not see him here. He was probably dead. The baby in her arms began to cry. Her twin, Mei, scooted close to her sister, offering a helping hand to calm the crying baby.

"But how?" Another woman, most possibly Su's mother asked, "We are still alive because we are safe here for so long. How can we get out of this place with the Huns lurking outside?"

Mulan bit her lip. It was her duty to keep them safe, but she had no idea how to bear that burden.

"We must." Suddenly her mother was by her side, "We are running out of food and water. We can't stay here for long. We shall move in the dark if needed." She turned to meet Mulan's gaze. "Do the Huns fight at night?"

A lot of things about her parents might surprise her, but nothing like the confidence she saw in her mother's face. She remembered her talking about being a perfect wife soon after her wedding. She thought it was just about pleasing her husband in the bed and doing all the household chores, but she was terribly wrong. It was to be the anchor to hold on when one of them fell.

"I don't know," Mulan replied. She did not have much idea about the Hun's battle techniques, but she did pick up a few hints from the spies. "But I heard the spies saying that fighting in the dark is against the Hun strategy."

"Fine." Fa Li announced, "Then we will move after the sunset."

.

.

.

.

Mulan discarded the idea of taking the shortcut through the forest because most of her companions were women and small children. Instead, she decided to take the alleyways. The Huns concentrated in the middle part of the village, so as long as they run away from the village squares, they were less likely to encounter difficulty.

"How long?" Su asked tiredly, the baby in her arms was now sleeping peacefully.

"Almost two more hours before we can reach the village boundary," Mulan replied.

"I wish it were less." Mei sighed.

Only Fa Li didn't ask that question, but she, like her, kept on walking. It was already an hour after the sunset, and they walked in the shadows, careful enough not to make a sound. The nearest refugee camp was in Xinan, and they had to reach Wang-Ling first, where they would take a boat to the city. Most of the women wore shoes two sizes smaller than their original, which made the walk more difficult.

They almost made it to the marketplace without being noticed, but suddenly Su's baby began crying. Su tried to calm her down by pushing her breast into the baby's mouth. Mei clamped her hand over her mouth to stop herself from screaming as a shadow appeared behind them.

The man raised his bow.

Mulan ordered her companions to duck. The arrow hit the clay wall behind them. Mulan moved her sword blindly in the dark, aiming the man behind them. She heard a painful cry, followed by a heavy thud. A Hun soldier fell right at her feet. Dead.

It seemed all of her calculations went terribly wrong.

"The Huns." Mulan said to her mother quietly, searching her eyes for an answer, "They found us."

"We must keep running." Fa Li said.

They changed their path to distract the Huns. More and more shadows began appearing behind them. Mulan gripped her sword and ordered others to follow her.

It was a race against time. The Huns chased after them, arrows flying over their heads like rain. Grandmother Fa stumbled. Mulan stopped to help, but Fa Li gripped her hand. "We don't have much time." She said, pushing the old woman away. With wide eyes, Mulan watched her grandmother disappearing into a bush below.

"She will be safe there." Fa Li assured Mulan.

Right then, Mei cried out. Mulan turned around to find a Hun soldier gripping her arm and swinging her over his horse. Su tried to reach for her sister, but another Hun caught her too.

Women began to scream, children began to cry. Mulan held her sword tight and made a mad dash towards the opposite side. But there was no way to escape.

The Huns scattered among the little procession, kidnapping one woman after another. Mulan whirled around madly, driving her blade into the enemy soldiers around her. But she alone was no match for hundreds of armed men. She lost her sword in the middle of the fight, and her attacker was stronger than her. He gripped her arm, and pushed her against the ground, ready to drive his blade into her throat. She would die at that moment, if not Fa Li's knife pierced his back.

"Mama." Mulan cried, watching another Hun making his way towards her mother. But Fa Li could not get the warning in her voice. She stood where she was, shaking, holding the blood-stained knife in her hand.

"No…" Mulan picked up her sword from the ground and stumbled to her feet. It was too late. Fa Li clutched her stomach and fell on her knees.

"Mama…" Mulan's blade went right through the Hun's neck, detaching his head from his body. She ran beside her mother.

"Mama…" Tears streamed down from her eyes. "What have you done?"

But Fa Li could not hear her anymore. Her gaze was fixed at a distance. "Go, Mulan." She whispered, her voice was fading.

"No…" Mulan cried as her mother slipped from her embrace. She laid her gently on the ground and drove her sword right the heart of the next Hun soldier coming in her direction. She could not see where she was going, her vision was too blurred with tears. She could hear the screams of the girls, as the Huns restrained them. She failed to save her people, her family. She failed to do her duty.

Her blade cut through the enemies standing in her way until three Huns overpowered her. She was weak from stress and struggle, her heart was heavy from the loss of her family. She could not keep on fighting anymore. One of them stroked her shoulder, and her sword flew away from her grip. She cried in pain and gripped her shoulder, fresh blood oozing from the gap between her fingers.

Unarmed, Mulan tried to fight the rest of her attackers with her good hand, but it was close to impossible. Five of them surrounded her from all the sides, their grips tightening around her injured shoulder. Mulan wanted to faint, but she kept on struggling, knowing it was worthless. She bit a hand that belonged to the Hun on her right and smiled as she tasted blood. The man released his hold on her arm and ordered others to kill her. She closed her eyes when one of the Huns swung his sword over her head.

For a moment Shang's face flashed in her mind. They did not even have a proper goodbye.

But the blow did not come. Mulan opened her eyes to see a huge man standing in front of her, his cruel yellow eyes watching her face closely. His eyes matched the cruelty of the falcon sitting in his arm. He placed his sword under her chin to tilt her face upwards, and her eyes met his.

She recognized the Hun leader immediately. Shan-Yu.

"Aren't you the one who killed my men in the square?" He hissed, his blade pointed at her throat. "I never imagined you to be a woman."

Then he turned to his companions, "Leave this little bitch to me. She deserves something more for what she has done."

****

Shang found an unconscious Fa Zhou in an alley not far away from the battlefield. Several footprints headed to the north part of the village from Fa Zhou's unconscious form. Shang grasped the whole situation immediately. Rest of the Fa family was hiding elsewhere.

He ordered Yao to attend his injured father-in-law and followed Ping's trail. All of the trails headed to the Fa family temple. Fortunately, he met few others of his troop on the way. They returned empty-handed, which meant rest of the survivors were with them too.

It was obvious that Ping headed to the temple to find the rest of his family. Shang decided to go to his young friend's aid.

But the temple was empty. Shang ordered his men to search every corner of the place to find any sign of life, but no, there was nothing. Fear began to consume his mind. Did they suffer the same fate as the rest of the villagers?

Just then, Chien-Po came to him with a flower comb. "I found it in a corner."

Shang recognized the comb immediately. It belonged to Mulan, his wife. She wore the comb in the night of their wedding. Shang's hands shook for a moment, his heart began to beat faster. They were alive. His wife was alive, so did his young friend. They were here even a few minutes ago.

The sky was dark outside. If he were Ping, he would take his family to the nearest refugee camp in Xinan. If he had women with him, he would certainly avoid the forest paths, which meant they had taken the alleyways.

Now it was clear where his young friend had taken his family, Shang ordered his soldiers to search for them. They divided into small groups to search for all the possible ways leading to Xinan. Ling and Chien-Po remained to accompany their captain. They decided to take the path leading to the marketplace.

It did not take him long reach their destination, where he found Fa Li. Shang climbed down from Khan's back and knelt beside his mother-in-law. A single tear rolled from his eyes at the sight of her lifeless body. He had a few interactions with her, still, she reminded him of his mother sometimes. She did not deserve such a cruel fate. Blood, shoes, and remnants of female clothing remained scattered everywhere, a clear sign of a vicious battle taking place not very long before their arrival. There were a few Huns, lying dead here and there, so were a few more village women and children. He recognized a few, those who attended his wedding. But there was no sign of Ping or his wife. What fate did they suffer?

"Captain." Ling came back with an old helmet from the ruins.

"Ping." Shang recognized the rusty armor of his most trusted friend.

"They have taken him." Chien-Po gasped "And rest of the survivors." Vivid fear reflected in his usually calm face.

Shang stood still, holding the helmet close to his chest. It meant the Huns had taken his wife, Mulan, too.

Last of his family was gone, so did his most trusted friend. Was it his fate to remain alive in this world alone to bear the pain of their losses?

No, he could not give up. Not when his family and friends were in danger. He could not be that coward. He failed his father. He could not fail the rest of the people he cared for.

"We will find them." Finally, he broke the silence.

"This is madness." Chi-Fu disagreed, "No one ever came out of the Hun camp alive."

Shang ignored him. He climbed on Khan's back and ordered his men to follow the Hun's track.

Chapter Text

The Huns rode toward the camp at the foot of the mountain, then unceremoniously hauled their prisoners down. Good looking women were distributed among the soldiers for the night. Children and old were separated to be sold as slaves. Su gave a mad cry when one of the Hun soldiers snatched her baby daughter away. She tried to follow them but was soon pulled backward by another Hun. He caught her arm and dragged her away.

"Let her go." Mulan thrashed against her captors, throwing one of them to the ground in the process. She made an unsuccessful attempt to get free, then stifled a cry of pain when another one of her captors caught her arm and jerked her back.

Her futile escape attempt angered Shan-Yu. As the Hun leader marched towards her, Mulan could feel the hostile rage blazing from his huge feature. "Shut up, you little bitch." He hissed, as he reached out and tossed her over his shoulder like a sack of flour, her buttocks pointing skyward, her hair falling to his back.

The tent flap was up, but there was no way to escape; men had been gathering out there since Shan-Yu had carried her into the tent, waiting for no doubt to hear the fearless Chinese woman who almost killed half of their best soldiers, whimper or scream for mercy.

She was dumped on the ground roughly, on her injured shoulder. Mulan tried to stand and clutched her shoulder which started spurting fresh blood.

"You must suffer the punishment for murdering my best men." Shan-Yu hissed, looming over her like a huge shadow, his sword pointed at her throat, "But I also admire your bravery. If you tell me the quickest way to the capital without facing the emperor's army, I may consider it."

Mulan remained silent. No doubt her silence would cause her a painful death, but she would rather die than betray her own people. She tried to return his gaze bravely, but his yellow eyes were too cruel for a normal human.

Shan-Yu certainly did not like her stubbornness. "Answer me." He bellowed, pressing his sword a bit harder to her skin. Mulan bit her lip, a drop of blood trickled down from her throat.

Even now, her stubborn, unyielding pride refused to permit her to stay collapsed at his feet. Putting her hand to the ground, she rose slowly, unsteadily, until she was standing before him, she was holding a dagger which she managed to steal from Shan-Yu's boot.

"I will not." She replied firmly, aiming the dagger at Shan-Yu's heart.

This unexpected turn of events even surprised the mighty Shan-Yu. It took him a few seconds to comprehend the whole thing, and Mulan's dagger slashed through the air with the speed of light, aimed straight at his heart. Only his swift reflexes enabled him to deflect it with his arm, then twist the blade free of her death grip, and even with that, as he jerked her away from her, throwing her on the ground, bright red blood was already seeping from the gash she'd managed to carve along his cheek near his ear.

"You bloodthirsty little wench!" He said in a savage underbreath, and Mulan saw murder in his eyes. "There is no mercy for you."

Mulan braced herself, thinking that he meant to kill her in the place, but the huge hand she'd expected to hit her yanked her injured arm down. Mulan let out a cry of pain. "I can kill you right now, but I don't want you to die so peacefully." Shan-Yu said, "I have another target in mind—"

In a tent, just behind her, she heard Su screaming. No doubt she was going to suffer the same fate, or even worse.

Weak and unarmed, her struggle became fruitless as Shan-Yu yanked her across his lap in one fluid motion. "No!" she gasped, wriggling in furious, frightened earnest, horribly aware of her fate. "Don't you dare!" she cried, as she threw all her weight toward the floor, trying to bite his hand. He clamped his leg over both of hers, imprisoning them between his thighs, and ripped off her pants. Mulan tried to twist free, but Shan-Yu was far stronger than her. Tear stung in the back of her eyes, she wanted to die before this.

"There is no place for a woman on the battlefield." Shan-Yu hissed. "You must know it clear before you die."

Mulan never regretted being a woman, but she did now. She never felt so vulnerable before. She counted through waves of pain, biting her lip until it bled in an effort to strangle her sobbing cries, as the Hun leader robbed her honor with relentless pain, again and again, and again.

Shan-Yu expected her to cry out in pain and beg for mercy, But Mulan did not make a sound at all. She was not going to give him this satisfaction, she decided. When he was finished, Shan-Yu shoved Mulan off his lap, making her land on the ground painfully. Disgusted with himself and deprived of the satisfaction of making her weep and plead for mercy, Shan-Yu stood up, glaring down at her and breathing fast.

Mulan lay on the ground, unable to stand. She was all bloody and messed up badly. Her legs hurt, her whole body hurt, and her injured shoulder was bleeding again. She took a deep breath, trying to fight the pain, but the world around her was fading.

"Take her away." Shan-Yu ordered his men "She is of no use to us anymore." He flapped his hand to dismiss her. That flapping hand commanded her execution, but to him, it is just crossing off an item from a list of tasks, the only logical progression of the particular path that he was.

"Make sure she suffers a painful death." He surveyed her without the slightest hint of regret in his eyes as two Hun soldiers pulled her out of the tent.

They dragged her outside. Mulan could feel the hostile rage blazing at her from every Hun soldier. She had made fools of them all by fighting and killing their men, snatching away their almost victory. They hated her for that now, and their hatred was so virulent it made her skin burn. She felt numb inside, but outside she was screaming, thrashing force of will. She bit a hand that belonged to the Hun on her right and smiled as she tasted blood. Then he hit her, and her world faded into the dark.

****

Mulan woke in the dark. With an effort that nearly sapped her strength, she clutched her throbbing shoulder and slowly forced her lids open. Warm liquid slipped against her fingertip- her blood. The darkness was too much for her tired eyes, while pain again threatened to send her plunging into the dark oblivion of unconsciousness.

"Don't fall asleep, Mulan." She heard a voice beside her. She could not see a thing in the dark, but she recognized the voice- Mei, Su's twin. Someone was sobbing not very far away from her, and Mulan tried to comprehend where she was. "What is going on?" She could barely whisper.

"The Huns raped Su." Mei sighed in the dark, "And the rest of the girls."

She remembered the night when she lost her honor to Shan-Yu. She wondered why the Huns even kept her still alive when the Hun leader himself ordered her execution. But soon her doubt cleared when Mei informed that the Huns planned to sell them as slaves.

"The Huns are talking about moving into the mainland tomorrow," Mei said.

Mainland….Even in her current condition, Mulan's breath hitched in her throat. The capital was not much far away from her village. She tried to sit up straight forgetting the pain in her body.

But she failed, heavy chains holding her feet down.

Her right arm was numb. When she pushed herself up from the ground, she felt a pool of blood where she was sitting. Mulan sat, using Mei's body as support, and breathed. There was no time to panic. No one knew about her current location. No one knew about the Hun's next plan. The Huns would get an easy entrance into the emperor's palace, before the last of his army could guard him.

She needed to find a way to inform Shang about the Hun's plan, tell them to deliver the message to the capital before the dawn. But she could not see any. The only thing she knew that all of them were going to have a very painful death. Mulan was not afraid of dying, but she wanted to die a different way, any other way, bravely like her father.

Tear stung at the back of her eyes, but her mental pain was far worse than her physical one. She screamed and slammed her heel into the ground, but it did not break the chain around her feet. Mulan closed her eyes as her tears made their way over her cheeks. She failed, she failed everyone. She failed her father, she failed her people, she failed to do the job she swore to do on her first day in the army.

Suddenly, a small flicker of fire lit the darkness, and Mulan opened her eyes to see a huge shadow looming over the tent wall. Girls in the tent cringed, fearing the Huns had returned. They huddled in a corner to save themselves from their hungry eyes.

Another flicker of light and Mulan blinked. The chain around her feet snapped. Mulan turned her head to see the source of the fire and found a tiny dragon standing at her feet.

"Mushu." She whispered, his fiery breath melted the chain at her feet.

"My poor baby." Mushu leaped over her shoulder and touched her face with his claws. "You look awful."

"I am alright." Mulan did not want to upset Mushu, though she was anything but alright. Mushu's concerned eyes caught the sight of blood sipping from her shoulder. "Let me help." He said.

"Alright," Mulan nodded, feeling disgusted while Mushu applied his saliva over her injured shoulder. It worked like magic. A few seconds later her shoulder stopped bleeding, and the pain in her body subsided. Other girls in the tent gave the tiny dragon a frightened look, but Mulan assured them. "He is my guardian dragon." She told them, as Mushu freed and tended them as well.

"Come." Mushu said, there was urgency in his voice, "We have to run."

Mulan felt some of her old strength returning and finally stood up from the ground using Mushu's claws as support. Mei pulled Su's arm across her shoulders and hauled to her feet. Mushu breathed over a small stick and made a fire. The rest of the prisoners stumbled behind them and followed the dragon out an open doorway. A few Huns lay dead next to the door.

"How?" Mulan asked.

"The imperial army followed the Hun's trail." Said Mushu. "They found your father too. Alive."

Relief rushed over Mulan as she followed Mushu outside. Her father was alive. When she finally saw the starry sky above, a faint hope flickered in her mind. They were going to live, no matter what. The dragon ran towards the clearing, and the prisoners ran after him. There were more Huns lying dead on the ground.

As she ran, Mulan finally began to feel more like herself. She picked up a sword from a dead Hun and slipped his helmet over her head. She followed Mushu as fast as her sore legs could muster.

Outside the tent, the Hun camp had turned into a battlefield. In the light of the burning tents, she saw black armors of her comrades, and the man leading them.

Her husband.

****

It was certainly not a good idea, Shang knew it well. Invading a Hun camp with only a hundred and fifty amateur soldiers was nothing but madness. They could hardly make their way through the entrance of the Hun camp when the soldiers in guard attacked them. Shang let out a sigh when Jan-Chu, his trusted co-captain fell. He drove his sword into his attacker's heart, making him fall dead on the ground. More Huns emerged from their shadows and began to attack them from behind. Shan-Yu alone killed half of the troop. Chien-Po defended most of their arrows with his large hand, still, it was not enough.

"It is impossible to make an entry into the camp." Yao said to the captain."It is unlikely for them to be alive."

"We can't give up hope," Shang said, decapitating one of the enemies. Yao let out a sigh, they were getting dangerously outnumbered.

Shang decided to change the battle plan and ordered his men to retreat. They stepped back, pretending to retreat, to fool the Huns. He ordered Ling to load the canon, and fire, aiming where Shan-Yu just managed to kill three Chinese soldiers at once.

"But…" Ling hesitated. One of the tents might contain the prisoners. But he followed the captain's order anyway.

The canon landed on one of the biggest tents in the middle, setting it on fire immediately, killing at least fifty Huns at once.

Shang ordered Ling to fire, again and again, until smoke filled the air. Finally, they hit their weakest point. The Huns were never acquainted with this kind of weapon before which breathed fire. They panicked and spread, but it was too late. The fire already began to spread. They waited for their leader to rise and give orders. Shang ordered his men to move into the camp. The Huns were so disorganized, that they hardly noticed the Chinese taking an entrance.

Shang led Khan into the mess, killing the disorganized Huns wondering aimlessly in the pen. Dead Huns lay at his feet. He found Shan-Yu lying dead in the middle, holding his greatsword, with five dead Chinese soldiers around him. The first impact of the cannon killed him, still, he managed to kill last of his enemies before his death. Shang looked around desperately, hoping the explosion did not kill Ping and the survivors.

Mulan ran through the smoke, among the dead Huns. She stumbled and stood, she caught a glimpse of the Chinese soldiers coming in their direction. She gathered the rest of the survivors and began to lead them towards their rescuers. The first thing she saw the face of her husband and her eyes lit up. She had never seen so much desperation in his eyes before.

"Shang." She called out.

Shang indeed noticed the young soldier coming in his direction. His clothes were torn, his face was hidden behind a dead Hun's helmet. But he recognized his voice almost immediately.

"Ping." He answered him and ordered others to move towards the small crowd of the survivors coming towards them. Ping tried to run faster before his weak feet decided to give up finally.

But before Mulan could reach him, she saw a big shadow emerging from the ashes behind them, and raised his big jagged sword. Shan-Yu. He rose from the dead, ready to avenge his men. His weapon was aimed at the captain's heart.

"Move out." Mulan pushed Shang away, and Shan-Yu's sword missed them for an inch. Shan-Yu seemed a bit surprised to find the little brat still alive, but Mulan kept herself focused. Her eyes flashed with murderous rage, memories of her dishonor flooded her mind, and her sword pierced his heart.

The Chinese stood in shock, watching Ping finally sinking to his knees beside Shan-Yu's dead body.

"You are the bravest and craziest soldier I have ever seen." Shang offered his hand, helping her to stand. Mulan felt his lips almost touching his forehead. Standing among the dead and destruction nothing felt so sweet like his touch. She wanted to stay in his arms forever like this, she did not want this moment to end.

"Whatever you do, I will always support you, Ping." He whispered.

Mulan looked at her husband's face with surprise. It was the confession she wanted to hear from him always.

The soldiers gathered around the survivors, covering their tortured, naked bodies with their cloaks. Mei collapsed from exhaustion, but Chien-Po held her. Yao gathered a crying Sue in his arms and gently led her towards his horse.

"Ping," Shang asked Mulan, noting that his wife was not among the survivors. "Where is your sister? Where is Mulan?"

Suddenly Mulan began to very weak as if all of her energy left her body. She was tired, she was exhausted, she had enough for one day. Now the last thing she ever expected this question. "She..." She began, trying to form a reasonable answer in her mind. But her mind seemed to have stopped working. Her head was feeling very light.

"Ping," Shang sounded concerned as he saw Ping turning very pale. "Are you alright?"

Mulan nodded weakly. Shang held her before she hit the ground. The helmet slipped from her head, revealing the face of his wife.

Chapter Text

Mulan woke up in a cozy bed.

"Welcome back, baby girl." Mushu's cheerful voice greeted her. She opened her eyes to meet the smiling face of Mushu, sitting on the top of her body.

Mulan pushed herself to a sitting position and hold on the corner of her bed until her surrounding settled into focus. The tent was full of people-burnt, injured or dead. Mulan frantically searched the faces of the people around her, until she found one familiar face.

"Baba," Mulan wrapped the bed cloth around her naked torso carefully and stumbled beside her father's bed. Last time she had seen him bleeding in an alley, and never expected him to find him alive.

Fa Zhou was too weak to keep his eyes open for long, still, he could not hold back a smile when he saw his daughter's face. "Hey." He slowly reached out and pushed away a loose strand of hair off her face. "I never thought to see you again."

"Neither did I, baba." Mulan cradled her father's hand and buried her face in his palm. Tears rolled down from his eyes as Fa Zhou held her close. The infirmary was quiet, except for the moaning of the injured. They would stay like for a few more moments if not Fa Zhou broke the silence.

"Mulan." He whispered, alarmed. It was the voice he used when there was a possibility of extreme danger. "They know who you are."

Memories began to come back to her. She remembered losing her secret to her husband in front of the army of China. "You should not stay here for long." Fa Zhou urged, "The emperor's army is waiting for you outside."

"No, baba." Mulan let go of her father's hand and stood up. " I will not escape. I will face them and talk with my husband." After everything they had been through, she believed that Shang would understand her situation. "I will tell him the truth."

****

As soon as Mulan stepped outside the tent, Chi-Fu walked forward and grabbed her arm, hauling her in the middle of the crowd. "There she is."

"A woman." A shocked whisper rose among the soldiers. Her hair was down, she was wearing nothing expect the bedclothes around her torso. The army physician had already confirmed her identity, now the soldiers gasped when they finally saw her real face without any disguise. Her eyes found her friends, Ling, Yao and Chein-Po, standing among the crowd."Ping?" Ling whispered, and all she could see the betrayal in his eyes.

"My name is Mulan." Mulan gathered her courage and faced the crowd.

"Fa Mulan." Chi-Fu cut her off in the middle, his lips twisted in a cruel grin. "I believe you have another identity too, the wife of Captain Li Shang."

"The captain's wife!" Another shocked whisper spread among the soldiers hearing his declaration. Ping turning into a woman was shocking enough, now it was just devastating.

"She was among us all the time." A soldier whispered.

"I think the captain knew it all along." Another said.

"No, he did not." An older soldier took the captain's side, "She fooled him like she fooled us all. Too bad the captain could not control his wife."

"What a shame." A young soldier said.

"What a liar." Someone else said. Mulan could not take it anymore.

"I am not a liar." Mulan's gaze riveted to her husband standing a few feet away from her, his face red from all the accusations they laid upon his wife. "I did this only to save my father. Please tell them, Shang."

His wife's shameful action had already devastated Shang, now her plea for his mercy only added more to his irritation. He raised his head and looked at the people around him, watching him, mocking him for not being able to control his wife. His gaze met Chi-Fu's and the pitiful expression in his face. There was nothing as shameful as being proved as a failed husband in the public.

Mulan saw his shoulders stiffen at the sound of her voice, and when he turned and looked at her, she could almost feel the effort he was exerting to keep his rage under control. "Yes, you are," he bit out, and Mulan's eyes widened. "Everything you did, you did only to challenge me. To show how stubborn you are. You wanted to take your revenge, and now you have."

In silent, helpless protest Mulan shook her head and stared at her husband's face, dimly aware that the blame her husband was giving her, was worse, much worse than the accusation Chi-Fu was laying on her. A small ray of hope that flickered in her mind was extinguished as soon as she saw the look of pure hate in his face.

"Shang," she began, stretching her hand out in a gesture of mute appeal, then letting it fall to her side when her beseeching move got nothing from him but a blast of contempt from his eyes.

"I realize," She began again, her voice trembling with emotion while she tried to think how to begin to diffuse his wrath, "what I did was wrong. You have every right to despise me for what I've done. But…" Mulan continued bravely, "after all the time we spent together, you know why I did this, and what I told you about my life…"

"Shut up!" Shang's voice cracked like a whiplash. He could not see how hurt his wife was from his denial. He could not see the reasons behind her action. Not at all. All that mattered to him at that moment was his lost honor.

"No, you have to listen to me," Mulan said, speaking more quickly now, driven by panic and an awful sense of foreboding that nothing she could do or say would ever make him understand. "And everything I said about my feelings for you, about loving you, even when I-"

"I don't believe a word you say…" Shang said in a murderous voice, her betrayal hurt him more than his lost pride.

"But…" Mulan tried to protest, tears gathered in the corners of her eyes hearing those painful words from the person she loved most.

"You betrayed me. I believed every word you said, even I defied my superior to support your actions, but you broke my trust, Mulan. Yes, I forced your father to join the war, and you turned me into a public joke. You dishonored me, and my family name in front of my people." He continued, without any hint of emotion in his voice, "And now I can see you nothing but a consummate liar and a magnificent actress."

At that moment Mulan could not say anything or do anything to convince him. She could not believe, actually could not comprehend that the understanding man who made her fall in love with him could do this to her-without listening to her reason, without even giving her a chance to explain.

"If you think I have ruined your family honor by my actions," Mulan spoke finally, drawing a shaky breath, praying she could finish without starting to cry. She stood in front of her husband, meeting his eyes directly, "You can give the punishment I deserve for this." She said in a voice of a beautiful, courageous, heartbroken angel, "You can give me the punishment fit for a soldier who disobeyed her superior. You can give me the punishment fit for a wife who dishonored her husband's name. But I know everything I did was right."

Everyone gasped hearing her courageous statement, even Shang was surprised for a moment. Only Chi-Fu looked victorious.

"Captain," He told Shang, "Fa Mulan has confessed her guilt."

Behind them, Fa Zhou limped into the crowd, trying to tell them it was not his daughter's fault. "No, Mulan." He said, crying helplessly, but Mulan ignored him and knelt in front of her husband.

Shang gazed down into the eyes of his wife, kneeling in front of him, ready to receive her punishment. She knew the law.

Shang knew it too. He unsheathed his sword, ready to punish the guilty. Few of the soldiers walked forward to stop him, but Chi-Fu's threatening glare stopped them. Fa Zhou struggled weakly against the guards restraining him. Mushu stood at a distance and closed his eyes. He was not ready to see his baby girl's fate.

Mulan looked up at her husband to see him blink long, squeezing his eyes shut. His face was glistening with tears. When he looked down to her, she saw the same look she had seen her own eyes many months ago. It was pain, it was hurt, it was sorrow, and guilt, and anger.

Shang hesitated a moment while Mulan's heartbroken words whirled through his mind, juxtaposed with the lies and omissions that had begun on their wedding night and continued right up to their last night together. He recalled the beautiful wife who filled his needs with passion, the courageous girl who stood up for her father in a council full of men, the unafraid soldier who never stopped despite all the odds coming in her way, and now the dishonored woman who was ready to accept her fate without any fear. He looked at his wife and recalled the admiration he felt for her, and the respect she gained from him. He remembered the friend who stood beside him when he was alone, the brave soldier who saved his life and avenged his father.

And his hand shook.

Chapter Text

Mulan braced herself for the blow.

But it did not come. Instead, the sword landed on the snow at her feet. Mulan raised her head to see her husband's face, but his face remained emotionless as he finally spoke. "I have vowed to your father to protect you when I married you. I can't break my vow."

"But…" Chi-Fu tried to interrupt but was silenced by the captain's stern glare. Shang turned his gaze at the disgraced woman lying at his feet and continued in a voice colder than ice, "But I can never forgive you for what you have done."

The gratitude that filled her mind when he spared her life was soon gone with his cold word. Mulan's lips trembled with a silent sob, her eyes filled with tears, but she could not say anything. He ordered his men to pack their belongings. They took the Huns as prisoners. Ling came to say goodbye. Mulan did not say anything to stop them. She remained collapsed on the ground and watched them go.

When the imperial army was finally out of her sight, Mulan collapsed in her father's arms. Fa Zhou was still weak and sick, but he did not say any word to console his daughter. He held his daughter close and whispered in her ears, "Whatever they say, my girl, I am still proud of you."

Mulan startled and looked into her father's eyes. She knew he was telling the truth.

****

They decided to return to the village.

After a long night's journey, they finally reached Tai-Sei. The Fa family house was nothing but a ruin now. Somehow Mulan managed to find one room still in good condition and led her father in. He was tired from the long journey. She helped him to get down from Khan's back. Little brother came to greet them. Mulan picked up her long forgotten pet dog, and he nuzzled her cheek. Finally, they were at home. Mushu gathered some straw and lit a fire. Mulan cooked. Soon after the dinner, Fa Zhou finally fell asleep.

Mulan could not sleep. The rest of the house loomed cold and dark. Little brother slept at her feet. She pulled an old shawl over her body and watched the flames. It was odd to have this house so silent and dark. Thousands of memories swirled in her mind. Her mother's face, her grandmother's laugh, her husband's warm kisses, the way he looked at her when they made love. She remembered her mother's sacrifice, she remembered being dishonored by Shan-Yu, she remembered her husband's face when he knew her true identity. She remembered his cold voice when he abandoned her forever. In the dark, her memories came to surround her, to consume her, to torture her. Finally, Mulan could not take it anymore. She buried her face in her hands and cried.

Mushu might have heard her cry because he climbed on her shoulder. "What is it, baby girl?" The tiny dragon flashed a bright smile.

The sight of her faithful friend cheered her up a little. "Nothing." Mulan wiped away her tears and tried to smile. Mushu understood. He curled around her neck and patted her shoulder gently. "Don't worry, dear. Everything will be alright. Just try to be the brave girl you are."

Mulan tried to gather courage. So in the morning, she went to search for the ruins to gather some wood. She carried as much as she could. Khan carried the rest. She gathered straw to fix the roof. Mushu helped her. Little brother ran around, trying to cheer her up. In the evening Fa Zhou rose from his sickbed to help his daughter's work. He helped her to fix a pillar or two but soon became tired. Mulan snatched away the log from her father's hand and ordered him to rest. Fa Zhou watched his daughter with much amazement in his eyes. He could not believe how much she had grown. Two days later, they managed to bring at least one of the rooms into livable condition.

"I shall try to fix the temple tomorrow," Mulan said during the dinner.

Fa Zhou took a sip of the broth Mulan prepared for him and looked at his daughter. She looked tired. "You should take a break, Mulan." He said.

"No," She shook her head, "The temple is left unused for a long time. We can't leave our ancestors in misery for long. Besides," She eyed Mushu sitting at her feet, "I have help."

Fa Zhou met Mushu's gaze. The tiny dragon also wanted him to approve her proposal. It was the only way to keep her busy, to keep her mind from going insane.

"All right, Mulan." Fa Zhou sighed, "Do what you want."

After a week or two, people finally began to return to Tai-Sei. Abandoned houses were once again flooded with light, the silence of the night was broken by the arrival of new people every day. They gathered wood, tried to fix their houses, tried to find what was left among the ruins. Mulan met some familiar faces as well as a few new ones. Teams of masked and people with horse-drawn carts gathered in the square. Sifting through what lay under the snow this winter. Gathering remains. A cart was parked in front of the matchmaker's house. She recognized Chan, Su's husband, pausing a moment to wipe the sweat from his face with a rag. He joined the war in the east, where most of the imperial troops were killed. He might have been lucky to come home alive. Su was sitting on the ground with her arms wrapped around her torso. Her sister, Mei was whispering something in her ears. The Huns killed her baby and raped her. Her body still bore the scars. Chan greeted Mulan. His greeting gave her the courage to ask, "What are you doing here?"

"Gathering." Chan eyed the human remains at his feet. The Huns killed his entire family, as well as Su's.

"Oh," Mulan nodded and kept moving. Most of the old inhabitants of the village had returned. A few did not. A few were lying on the snow at their feet. Mulan took a shovel from a cart and offered to help. There were rotten flesh and bones, torn clothing. They found Fa Li's body, rotten to the bones, a few feet away from the square. They found grandmother Fa too, lying in the bush beside the road. The old woman did not survive the fall. There were also many more. Finally, they gathered all the bodies in the carts and drove them inside the village.

Two days later the village people gathered in the graveyard to finish the last ritual for the dead. They tied white ribbons in their hair and ankles, made hundreds of pyres. Fa Zhou leaned against his daughter as he watched his wife and mother turned into ashes. When the fire finally died, he sat down on the rock beside the graveyard, took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was still so weak and dizzy, even his strong heart could not take it anymore. Mulan crouched beside him and held his hand. A drop of tear rolled over his cheek.

"You loved mama, did not you, baba?" She whispered.

Fa Zhou stared into space. "She was the bravest woman I have ever seen." He whispered after a long silence.

"I know." Mulan buried her head in her father's lap. This time they both cried together.

Slowly, after many sorrowful days, everything began to turn normal. Houses were fixed, temples were rebuilt, the people of Tai-Sei learned to live again. Roads were filled with children, markets were full of people. Fa Zhou recovered. Children often came to him to hear the story of the war. Mulan joined her father often. They told about the brave soldiers who drove the Huns away, but no one talked about the girl who returned home disgraced. Mushu tried to interrupt often, but Mulan silenced him.

Days passed slowly. Nightmares never stopped haunting her. There were nights when she woke up from her nightmares, crying and shivering like a small girl. Then she tried to think of something happier. But all she could remember was Shang's face, his warm smile, the beautiful times they spent together. She opened her eyes and tried to convince her mind, tried to wipe away those memories. But they came back to torment her again and again.

Among her old friends, Chien-Po visited Mulan often. The gentle giant kept her company. Mulan enjoyed it too. He told her about Ling and his baby boy, Yao and his horses. Mulan was so happy for them. She asked him to tell more, Chien-Po obeyed. Mei sometimes joined them too.

Finally, on a beautiful summer morning, Chien-Po got married to Mei. Mulan attended the wedding and wished the couple a fruitful future. Mei blushed and hid her face behind her fan. Chien-Po laughed and hugged Mulan.

After the wedding festival, Chien-Po decided to take his new bride with him to his house in the capital. It was a six day's ride from the village. Before the journey, he pulled Mulan aside and asked if she was interested to join him.

"The emperor arranged a big festival in the honor of the soldiers who survived the war. He will show his gratitude to them personally." He said. "There is a rumor that the emperor will promote Captain Shang in his father's position soon."

Blood drained Mulan's face hearing her husband's name. Several times she closed her eyes and counted to ten, thinking that when she would open them, he would be standing here instead of Chien-Po to give her the news, his face shining with glee. She reminded herself that Shang was in the capital, with his army, probably with a bunch of concubines to keep his company.

"Is he doing well?" She finally asked.

****

Captain Li Shang was appointed to train the emperor's personal guards.

It was a great honor, especially for a mere captain of the most insignificant troop of the emperor's army. He was provided with a cozy house, servants to serve his every need, beautiful concubines to entertain him. It was more than he could ask, but still, something was missing.

The scandal involving his wife did not spread and Chi-Fu promised to keep his mouth shut. It cost him a good amount of fortune to make him promise, though he did not always keep his word whenever they were in private.

Shang could not still believe his wife could cause such a scam. He despised her for what she did, hated her for her ungrateful heart. He continued trying to purge his wife from his mind and tear her from his heart, but with decreasing success. He knew he was losing ground in the battle, just as he had been slowly losing it from the moment he'd looked up and seen her defending herself in front of the war council.

Sitting alone before the fire in his private chamber, five months after their separation, he gazed into the flames, trying to concentrate on the session he had to arrange with his newest students, and some important security issues needed to be discussed with the emperor, but it was his wife he saw in his mind, not training sessions or the battle strategies. . . . Mulan in her wedding dress; Mulan challenging him in swordplay; Mulan standing in front of the war council defending her father, her dark eyes glowing with courage and determination; Mulan looking at him as she confessed her guilt: "You can give me the punishment fit for a soldier who disobeyed her superior. You can give me the punishment fit for a wife who dishonored her husband's name. But I know everything I did was right."

That day he declared her as the guilty. Tonight he was wondering if his judgment was right. His father taught him to follow the rules, but now his rebel heart was questioning his decision. He held his father's helmet and stared at it. If only he could ask for his advice now. He wanted to be like him, to differentiate between the right and the wrong without getting confused, to leave the past behind for a better future. But he could not. Now he could not forget the wife who dishonored him.

A faint smile touched his lips as he remembered her standing in her wedding dress, holding a sword, looking heartbreakingly young and naive, trying logically to explain her view towards the world. Shang chuckled, as he'd been doing whenever he thought of her that day. Only Mulan would have dared to challenge her husband in swordplay on their wedding night. If he hadn't been so occupied with the thought of consummating the marriage and keeping the tradition alive that day, he'd have stood up and accepted her challenge. He thought he could forget her after what she had done to his honor, but he could not forget her courage, her strength, her honesty. She had saved his life from Shan-Yu, saved China, and avenged his father's death. He opinion about her had been changed since the day she confessed her love for him accidentally and wanted her since he laid his eyes on her, admired her courage and skill, loved her as his best friend. If Chi-Fu told him about her lie, instead of exposing her secret in the public, his affection for her would have made him reject it. But now it was clear, his wife betrayed him, dishonored him in front of his subordinates. He could not deny it.

He no longer trusted his head, but he trusted his heart. A wise man should abandon a wife like her, and take a better replacement like his father used to say. Nothing could be more valuable than honor and duty. A high ranking officer like him was a very much desirable goom among the families with at least one marriageable daughter. He could get much beautiful and rich wife if he desired. A few council members at the emperor's court hinted that, especially those who had daughters. But his heart warned him that of all the women in the world, no one suited him better in every way than Fa Mulan.

Tonight he was too exhausted from his long internal battle to bother lying to himself anymore. He wanted to know how she was because he needed to know. He was worried about her, he was thinking about her. He wanted to know what these feelings called, and wanted to get rid of this endless torture.

Wearily, Shang leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes, but he wouldn't sleep, and he knew it, even though it was three o'clock in the morning. He never slept anymore unless he'd either had a day of grueling physical activity or drunk enough alcohol to knock himself out. And even when he did, he laid awake, wanting her, and knowing-because he could feel that she was somewhere out there, lying awake, wanting him.

He met Chien-Po in a local tavern. The city was preparing for the upcoming festival in the honor of the heroes who saved China. The tavern was full of soldiers from every part of the country. The soldier bowed at the sight of his former commander and requested to join him for a drink. Shang was too exhausted with the internal struggle that he accepted the offer. They talked and shared experiences like old friends, wondering how life changed for all of them. At one point, Chien-Po informed him that he had gotten married.

"It is a girl from Tai-Sei." Chien-Po admitted shyly, "One of the girls we rescued from the Hun camp."

"Congratulations." Shang smiled, slapping his shoulder like an old friend, though he rarely showed such friendliness with anyone. Possibly the alcohol had lowered his guard a bit. "What is her name?"

"Mei." Chien-Po replied, "She lives two houses away from the Fa's."

"The Fa family?" Suddenly Shang dropped his cup and gazed into his old comrade's eyes, "Did you mean Fa Zhou and his daughter?"

"Yes," Chien-Po shook his head, "I visited Mulan often before the wedding."

His intellect was telling him to drop the topic right now, and leave the tavern as early as possible, but the alcohol had probably muddled with his judgment. "How is she?" He asked suddenly.

Chien-Po did not certainly expected this question from his former commander but obeyed his order anyway. He told him about the life in Tai-Sei, the life of Fa Mulan. He told him how she was doing, and how people saw her now. "Nothing changed for her," Chien-Po said, "Mei said, when Shan-Yu raped her, she did not cry. She did not tell anything to save herself. No one recognizes her contribution to China. Everyone from Tai-Sei vowed to keep their mouth shut." He paused and hesitated. Shang was concerned. "What is it Chien-Po?" He asked.

Chien-Po took a deep breath, " I may be wrong Sir, but she did not really deserve it, while we have all the honor and glory." He spoke in one breath.

Shang closed his eyes. For some reason, his former trainee's word seemed right. He looked out of the window, where the lanterns adorned the paths of the soldiers coming back from the battle. The people of China lit them to show their honor for them. And all Mulan got was dishonor. She fought like a true soldier. She was never afraid to face danger. She did not deserve to suffer like this.

"She also asked about how you are doing," Chien-Po added.

Was she really worried about him? He gave her nothing but dishonor, he hurt her so many times, humiliated her in front of everyone, yet she was worried about him. Did she just set a battle of wills knowing that he could never win?

And everything I said about my feelings for you, about loving you...

He refused to trust her that day, but it was the truth. Shang thought with a defeated sigh, damned hard to concede the battle of wills when he couldn't find the victor so that he could surrender. Suddenly his anger was replaced with respect, his pride turned into regret.

So the day before the honor ceremony, Captain Li Shang sought an audience with the emperor. He refused to take the position of the general.

"Why son?" The emperor was surprised. No one had ever declined such a prestigious offer.

"Because there is someone else who is more eligible." Captain Shang knelt in front of the emperor and said, "Someone who killed Shan-Yu, someone who saved our land."

The emperor was never heard of this brave soldier. He met the captain's gaze and asked curiously, "Who is he?

This time Shang replied without any hesitation, "My wife."

Chapter Text

A big, golden carriage arrived in the village Tai-Sei.

The children playing in the road noticed it first and ran to give the news. It was the harvesting season and Mulan was helping her father in the field. She was surprised when she heard the news.

"What is it?" One of the village men called suddenly. It was obvious that the carriage was carrying someone very important because it was heavily guarded by several armed men in uniforms.

"Let's hope it is not a call for another war." Another said. None of them had recovered from the scars of the previous war yet.

The carriage stopped in front of the crowd and one of the officers stepped forward to open the carriage door, respectfully removing his helmet and cradling it in the crook of his arm. An old man in regal robes stepped out and walked near the crowd. The villagers fell silent when they saw the emperor coming down from the carriage.

"Does Fa Mulan live here?" The emperor asked.

At the mention of the name Mulan, the villagers suddenly stopped whispering and exchanged startled, malevolent glances before shaking their heads affirmatively. Mulan was about to step forward, but Fa Zhou's hand over her shoulder stopped her. "Don't." He whispered.

"It is alright, baba." Mulan assured him.

The air was filled with mute horror, and the villagers parted to make way for her. Mulan walked in front of the crowd and bowed respectfully to the emperor.

"So you are the girl who disguised as a man and joined my army." The emperor's gaze flew from her head to her feet. He certainly did not expect a young girl, not more than seventeen years old. His heart flooded with affection for her, but he kept his voice as stern as possible, "I have heard about you, Fa Mulan. I heard about your misdeeds and the way you have dishonored your family and in-laws. Do you know the punishment for your crimes?"

Mulan kept her head bowed. She knew she could never escape her past. "Yes," She said, ready now to forget her personal concerns and fear. "I am ready to take any punishment you wish to give, your highness."

The villagers behind her held their breaths, waited for the fate of the girl who committed high treason. Fa Zhou was not ready to accept his daughter's fate. "Please, sir." He wrapped his arm around his daughter's shoulders protectively. "She is only a child." He pleaded, "She doesn't understand."

"Baba." Mulan held her father's arm, gaining all the courage, and looked into her father's eyes, "It is me who committed the crime. Let me face it." She could not bear her father being dishonored for her anymore.

Her words and her bravery earned amused gaze from the emperor flying to her face, and now he was sure about what he had heard about her. She was a true soldier, and a true soldier never feared to take responsibility for his action. Li Shang was not wrong about her eligibility. She was the right person to fill the position of his most trusted general.

"I want you to lead my army as the general." The emperor smiled, earning a startled gaze from Mulan. She raised her head and looked at the emperor's face, trying to understand if he was joking. But he was not. He bowed to her, and the rest of his companions followed him.

Mulan looked around her and watched the villagers bowing their heads in respect. The emperor hugged Mulan. "It is an honor to meet you, Fa Mulan." He kissed her forehead like a father kissing his child. Then he turned to meet Fa Zhou, "You must be very proud to have a daughter like her."

"I am honored." Fa Zhou was crying. Mulan was crying too. She did not expect so much honor and recognition for what she did.

Behind them the villagers slowly stood up, their smiling faces turned up to Mulan, and suddenly the air was split with deafening cheers.

Lifting her hand in a reassuring wave, Fa Mulan looked down upon her people. They cheered louder as the emperor gave her his crest, a gift to honor her family and her people. Fa Zhou held her hand to keep her close. He could not be more proud if he had a son instead.

Mulan was crying as she smiled back at her people, her father. But among all the joy, something still seemed missing. A face she longed to see since she left the battlefield. The emperor walked beside her as they both watched the cheering crowd. "When Li Shang told me about you, I had a doubt." He said. Mulan startled and turned to look at the emperor's face. "Sir?" She was puzzled. She really did not expect her husband revealing the truth about her to the world.

"Yes, Fa Mulan." The emperor met her gaze understandingly, "He recommended you. And I do not doubt his choice anymore."

Mulan sighed and turned her gaze to the crowd still cheering over her. Fa Zhou looked at his daughter's face and saw the hint of sadness in her eyes. He understood.

****

Li Shang did not expect to receive a letter from his father-in-law, nor did he expect him to invite him for dinner. A small dragon named Mushu carried the letter and told him that Fa Zhou had something important to discuss with him. He could not ignore his invitation. So when he reached the Fa house that evening, Fa Zhou was already waiting for him. Shang climbed down from his horse and bowed courteously, still unsure how to explain his actions regarding his daughter.

"Honorable Fa Zhou." Shang finally spoke, trying to keep himself as calm as possible, "You called me?"

"You seem too much concerned about my daughter." A small smile laced Fa Zhou's lips, as he looked at his distressed face and then pinned him with a look that was disturbing and was meant to be. Shang cringed under his glare. He felt the old man was reading him like an open book.

"What," Shang said warily, "do you want to talk about?"

"You told the emperor about my daughter's part in the war."

"Everyone knows about her part in the war. There are many people who witnessed her killing Shan-Yu." He nodded, trying to hide the fact that he had given up to his internal battle. Fa Zhou looked at his face and smiled, "Good, you are as stubborn as my daughter."

Shang began to feel uneasy. "Fa Zhou, maybe you have assumed wrong."

Oddly his uneasiness did not affect him. "Li Shang, you are trying to be as humble as your father and that's good. Now, do you have a heart?"

"What?"

"And if you do have one, who does it belong to?"

Shang stared at him riveted by the topic if not his tone. "I don't understand."

"Well, I'll grant you, it's a little complicated to me, too. Do you love Mulan?"

Shang was taken aback by the question, but he nodded slowly, "I am bound to fulfill my duties to her as her husband."

A small smile curved Fa Zhou's lips, as he looked up at the younger man, "Then why did you stepped down from your position for her?"

Shang really did not expect this, but shook his head honestly, "I think she deserves that."

"That's the only part makes sense," Fa Zhou contradicted bluntly. "Don't think I am a fool. Whenever I look into my daughter's eyes I can see her feelings for you. I don't know what happened when she was with you in the camp, but I know she still loves you. And you now better go to her and explain your actions. She is waiting for you."

Now there was no way to refuse. Shang bowed and shook his head in agreement, "I will, Fa Zhou."

****

Shang hesitated outside the wooden door, his hand on the handle, his heart slamming with a combination of relief and dread. He had no idea how Mulan would react to seeing him, no idea of what he could possibly say to her. But at that moment, all that mattered was being able to see her and feast his eyes on her.

Opening the door, Shang stepped silently within, then closed it behind him. Mulan was in a big wooden tub with her back to the room. Mushu was soaping her back with a wooden handle, her shoulders naked above the water. The tiny dragon dropped the wooden handle and quickly ran to hide from his view. Unable to think what to do next, Shang simply stood there.

He wanted to go to her and pull her, naked and wet, into his arms, to absorb her into his body, to carry her to the bed and lose himself in her. And at the same time, he didn't feel worthy of even speaking to her, let alone touching her. He wasn't worthy. Twice in their lives now he had treated her with a brutal viciousness of which he'd never known he was capable.

Great Buddha! Shang winced when he saw the scars in her body. They said that Shan-Yu tortured her, raped her brutally, and now he could see the mark. How could he fail to see them before? She never gave up under Shan-Yu's threat, she saved his life more than once and supported him in his darkest hours, and all he did was hurting her. How could one slender girl of only seventeen years bear the weight of such cruelty without hating him as he deserved? Shang drew a long, labored breath.

Shang stood there as Mulan finished washing her legs and shoulder. He took a towel from the rope and waited for her to come out. She started to turn and reach behind her for the towel, but Shang, in an excess of compassionate helpfulness, was already gently drying her off.

Shang toweled her neck, her soft shoulders, and her back. He visibly cringed when his fingers touched her scars. Mulan was not used to be helped during bathing, so she turned to find her helpful companion. The color drained from her face, and she swayed unsteadily as she beheld the handsome, grave man who said nothing to her but continued to dry her body. In a state of numb paralysis, she stood stock still, incapable of movement or speech. When Shang toweled her stomach and thighs, Mulan was dimly aware that his hands lingered imperceptibly longer there, but they were not caressing her. Desperately she tried to assimilate what was happening.

Her husband was here-no longer angry with her-but not speaking to her. Not smiling at her. He wasn't even touching her as a husband, but almost like a ... a servant!

A servant!

An aching lump began to swell in Mulan's throat as she realized what he was doing. He was acting as her maid as a way of humbling himself to her.

His strong hands were gentle as he forced her down onto the seat beside the tub and, without looking up at her, and knelt down on one knee and solemnly began to dry her calves.

"Shang," she whispered. "Oh, what are you doing?"

"Serving my superior." Ignoring her plea, Shang continued his humble services. He lifted her legs and began to dry her feet.

"But why?" Mulan asked after a long silence, unable to find any word. "Why are you doing this for me?"

He raised her foot to his jaw and tenderly laid his cheek against it. Her feet were big and rough; her mother did not bind them when she was little. She had small breasts and a boyish figure. She was not a beauty in the traditional sense. Still, he found her beautiful somehow. He turned his head and looked into her eyes. "Because I could not bear this torture anymore." He whispered in a pain edged voice. "I tried hard, but I lost. I had not seen the sun shine in more than five months, or been able to sleep without drinking a bottle of alcohol. I can't forget what I did to you. I asked myself so many times and realized that I was wrong. And finally, I decided to give up."

His tone was so frank and unemotional that Mulan didn't immediately grasp what he was saying. When she did, tears of joy and relief sprang to her eyes as he continued: "I've been trying to follow all the rules, thinking they will make my life easier. Unfortunately, I rarely get anything accomplished, and when I do, it's generally wrong. All things considered, I decided to step down and give up my position to someone more eligible."

Shang saw the tears shimmering in her magnificent eyes, and one of them traced unheeded down her smooth cheek. Standing up, he reached for his bag and brought out a fine silk ruquin, and waited while Mulan put her arms into the sleeves. It fitted her perfectly. Like a puppet, she stood there while he reached around her and brought the sash to the back, tying it at her waist. Without a word, he stood in front of her and looked into her eyes. "And now I am here to seek my redemption." Unable to control himself Shang caught her hand and gazed into her face, "I can not find a way to forgive myself. And I don't know how to find it. Can you help me to find my way, Mulan?"

Mulan saw her husband as a firm and stern man, but she had never seen him opening up himself like this. And when he finally did Mulan did not know what to say to him. She never felt so vulnerable before, and the naked anguish in his voice brought tears to her eyes. She looked at their joined hands and whispered finally.

"I will try."

Chapter Text

The road to the healing was not easy, and it was true for our heroes.

Mulan could not recover from the scars of the first war, and Shang could not always let go of his manly pride. Years after years she avoided the question of resuming their conjugal life. Shang waited, but once his husbandly pride overruled his logic. He overpowered his wife physically. Mulan did not say anything but remained silent as he undressed her. The scars in her body brought him back to his senses and made him leave the room almost immediately.

That night Shang stayed in a separate room, cursing himself for losing his patience so easily. He lay across his makeshift bed and remembered the mute horror in Mulan's eyes. She had not yet recovered from the scars that Shan-Yu laid on her, now his aggressive attitude made her lose her trust in men completely. How could he reduce himself to the level of a common man curving for lust? Finally, unable to bear the burden of his guilt, Shang left his room to ask for his wife's forgiveness for his behavior.

The room was dark when he entered, and he found his wife lying in the bed, crying. The faint sound of her whimper made his heartache, and he gently laid his hand on her bare back.

"I should not have done this…" He began, but she pressed her finger to his lips to hush him as she pulled him down with her. Her hand slipped inside his pants and began to move them with the rhythm he taught her in their wedding night, her cheeks were wet when she kissed him. "No, I am sorry." She said, her voice strained, "I should not keep you waiting." Her words surprised Shang, and he lifted his head to meet her eyes, full of fear and desire at the same time."I want you too." She whispered, "I was just afraid."

Shang understood. He held her naked body close to his and kissed her mouth with urgency. Mulan tried to satisfy him by mimicking his techniques, but he stopped her. "Don't," he whispered, withdrawing her hand from his body, but she heard the passion thickening his voice, and so she obeyed.

Refusing to let her do anything to increase his pleasure, he kissed her again and laid her on the bed as he brought her to the very brink of fulfillment with his hands and mouth before he shifted on top of her and entered her with one sure, powerful thrust. Their eyes met again and they saw the words they never said to each other, and their hearts continued to beat with the mutual trust.

Mulan's journey as a worrier was not easy either, especially when her subordinates were not ready to serve under a woman. There were many people who opposed having a woman as their general; even it was not easy for Shang to have his wife as his superior always. Sometimes it was because of the people around him mocking him, or sometimes it was simply hard for him to let go his manly pride. Many times they ended up in quarreling in the public, but they always came to an agreement in the time of crisis.

Their daughter was born at the end of the war with the Mongols. It was Mulan's first time leading an army as a general, and her pregnancy made it harder. But the strong woman she was, she brought victory to their people again. Shang was with her too, as her always trusted captain. Mushu remained as their most trusted guardian as always. The joy of the victory was great, but nothing was as joyous as the birth of their daughter. They distributed thousands of eggs painted in red among the soldiers, a custom people celebrated after the birth of a male child. People were surprised to see them cheering over a daughter, but Mulan and Shang were simply overjoyed at having their first child. They named her Chun, born in the spring.

Slowly things started to change. People began to change their view towards women, and many began to accept them in the role fixed for men in society. Now both Mulan and Shang were well known and respected figures across the middle kingdom. Together they fought many battles, carried out many secret missions for the emperor, and saved China more than once.

Standing at the entrance of their house, Shang gazed out at the garden where his wife and daughter were playing with wooden swords. They matched each other in looks and the talent they shared. Something Mulan said caused Chun to give forth a peal of happy laughter, and Shang's eyes crinkled with a smile at the joyous sound.

Shang never thought about teaching his daughter the skills of a man, but today he was going to give her a Jian on her tenth birthday. Chun saw him first and ran to hug her father. She practically squealed when she laid her hand on her first weapon. Chun lifted the sword, it was still too heavy for her.

"Let's show it to grandpa." She was still bouncing up and down with excitement and ran to meet Fa Zhou in the family temple.

"She is too wild." Mulan shook her head as she watched their daughter go. She turned and tilted her head to meet her husband's eyes. "It worries me sometimes."

"She is perfect." Shang assured her as he gazed down at his wife, "Like you."

Mulan startled and moved close to her husband. Silently both of them thanked Lord Budha for having each other in their lives for more than twelve years.