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Chapter Text

jmadzzz: I need your help

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

macaroni fUCK: james oh my god

jmadzzz: what

macaroni fUCK: that was the worst thing I've ever seen I want a Divorce

jmadzzz: wHAT

macaroni fUCK: ALEX WALKED IN WITH HIS SIGNIFS AND YOU AND I BOTH KISSED HIM

macaroni fUCK: AND THEN YOU TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIS SIGNIFS AND YOU IMMEDIATELY GOT SO TENSE AND FREAKED OUT

macaroni fUCK: AND THEN YOU STOOD LIKE,,,AS FAR AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE AWAY FROM THEM IN THE ELEVATOR

macaroni fUCK: LIKE ARE YOU OKAY

jmadzzz: I REALLY SOMETIMES DOUBT THAT YOU HAVE EVER LOOKED AT THEM

jmadzzz: THEYRE S O SCARY

macaroni fUCK: L O  V E

macaroni fUCK: THEYRE N O T

jmadzzz: YES

macaroni fUCK: I CANT EVEN TELL WHICH WAY YOU ME A  N

macaroni fUCK: LIKE A ""they are legitimately terrifying people and I find them haunting my nightmares"" OR LIKE A ""if they all actually killed me I'd probs thank them""

jmadzzz: ITS NEITHER OF THOSE

macaroni fUCK: ???

jmadzzz: I CANT TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW

macaroni fUCK: is this like a crush thing??

jmadzzz: N O

macaroni fUCK: are you okay then?? like actually

jmadzzz: I'm fine for now

macaroni fUCK: okay

jmadzzz: thank you for being concerned I love you

macaroni fUCK: I love you too!!

jmadzzz: <3 <3 <3

macaroni fUCK: <3 <3 <3

---

little lion: james love are you okay

little lion: me and my signifs are concerned

jmadzzz: I'm fine

little lion: you just seemed really tense and kind of !!! so we all just

jmadzzz: why did Your signifs get worried

little lion: they worry about everyone it's who they are

little lion: it's who We are tbh

jmadzzz: that's sweet

little lion: again it's who we are

jmadzzz: thank them for caring

little lion: of course

macaroni fUCK: y'all are really set out to hurt me with how cute you are aren't you

little lion: collateral damage

macaroni fUCK: RUDE

macaroni fUCK: I want to make out with both of you rn but I have a meeting to not pay attention in in ten minutes

jmadzzz: t h o m a s

macaroni fUCK: it's f INE it's the same person who comes in and reads off the emails I get literally the morning of

macaroni fUCK: he's basically pointless I don't know why I'm required to go

little lion: @@james we should make out

jmadzzz: agreed but can we make out in your office

jmadzzz: you have that nice couch

little lion: I wouldn't if god loved me

little lion: but also yes we can you just aren't allowed to judge my desk bc it hasn't been organized since I Got a job here

jmadzzz: I

jmadzzz: I can handle that I'm omw

macaroni fUCK: unbelievable

jmadzzz: don't hate us cause you ain't us

macaroni fUCK: d i v o r c e d

---

macaroni fUCK: woRK IS OVER TIME TO T A L K

jmadzzz: no we're going home first and I'm changing into all of my softest clothes and you're going to cuddle the shit out of me and I'm going to Die in your arms

macaroni fUCK: oh dear

macaroni fUCK: I'm coming down to the car now

jmadzzz: god bless

---

macaroni fUCK: are you gonna tell me why you're so scared of alex's signifs now

jmadzzz: I just

jmadzzz: you've Seen Them I don't know how you don't get it

jmadzzz: alex's signifs are Ethereal, like he is, and they're gorgeous and so good to him and they set Such high standards

jmadzzz: and they're on some weird unattainable level of half human half Divine Entity that I cannot reach and never would be able to reach even if I tried just because I'm not that Kind of person

jmadzzz: and alex!! is on that level and you're on that level and it's incredibly intimidating because I can't Get There and it's !!!!

jmadzzz: terrifying,,,,bc you're both so amazing and for some reason, even though you could have Anyone you wanted, you chose me and you Continue to do that despite the fact that I know I could never live up to what you deserve and idk I guess I'm just worried

jmadzzz: like!! alex's signifs are amazing, and I'm worried that one day he'll wake up someday and realize that I'm not That great, because let's face it I'm not, and then he'll break up with me and then it'll be awkward and ruin your relationship with him and you'll hate me for the rest of our lives and then you'll Leave me and I don't want to lose either of you bc I love you both so much and I just

jmadzzz: please stop crying why are you crying

jmadzzz: thomas??

macaroni fUCK: I

macaroni fUCK: I get the fact that alex's signifs are Deities and that trying to live up to the standard they set is kind of scary but like,,,,,we don't have to

macaroni fUCK: they're Amazing people, and we're A Glorious Mess, but alex loves us anyway, and we love him back,,,,and that's?? enough?? for me??

macaroni fUCK: also!! you are literally one of the most beautiful people on the planet and you're so cute and sweet and you're like the universe inside of one human being that Radiates light and comfort like What are you talking about ""not that Kind of person"" you are the Kindest person how dare you undermine yourself like this

macaroni fUCK: oh my god I'm so in love with you

jmadzzz: I love you too

macaroni fUCK: !!!

macaroni fUCK: moVING ON

macaroni fUCK: you!! are so amazing!! literally you are so out of our league!! you deserve soft things and soft people who are just Warm and make you do that little smile thing when I make you tea but like All the time

macaroni fUCK: and yes I just described alex but like

jmadzzz: thomas I don't even

jmadzzz: I fell in love with You

jmadzzz: bc you're so !!! in such a bright way and you literally Try so hard for both me And alex and I love you endlessly for that

macaroni fUCK: WE'RE GOING OFF TOPIC

macaroni fUCK: BACK TO THIS

macaroni fUCK: ALL IN ALL, you are a beautiful person that deserves entire planets dedicated to you and Empires risen in your honor, and you're so much more than anyone deserves

macaroni fUCK: you're so beautiful and you don't even See it which makes No sense because it's so incredibly Present in everything you are and do and there is No Way that me OR alex would ever wake up and think you're not Incredible, bc you are!! you're so magnificent and there's no words that could describe it

macaroni fUCK: I want alex to come over he's better at speaking than I am

jmadzzz: if he starts talking like you are I'll probably sob even harder than I already am

macaroni fUCK: he'd probably tell you he loves you if he does come over

jmadzzz: nope he's on a date tonight he told us abt it at lunch oops Tragic

macaroni fUCK: fuck

---

macaroni fUCK: when is your date??

little lion: seven!!

macaroni fUCK: oh it's 6:30 already fuck

little lion: are you okay?? you and james have been kind of,,,off?? today??

macaroni fUCK: it's very cute that you noticed and I love you so much

macaroni fUCK: but yeah we're fine it's just !!!

macaroni fUCK: james is scared of lafayette, john, and hercules bc he thinks that he's not Good Enough for you

little lion: WHAT

little lion: DOES HE UNDERSTAND THAT IM THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF A WALMART BAG

macaroni fUCK: wh at does that even me an

little lion: ITS TRUE THE ONLY REASON I HAVE FIVE SIGNIFS IS BC I APPARENTLY HAVE NICE THIGHS OMG

little lion: AM I ALLOWED TO TALK TO HIM ABT THIS LIKE IS HE OKAY WITH THAT

macaroni fUCK: that's Not why we're dating you but Yes you can talk to him

---

little lion: JA ME S

little lion: DE A R

jmadzzz: thomas told you didn't he

little lion: Y E S

jmadzzz: traitor

macaroni fUCK: I love you and I'm concerned

little lion: FIRST OF ALL

little lion: YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, JUST AS A PERSON, AND I DO N O T DESERVE YOU IN MY LIFE

little lion: YOURE SO SOFT AND AMAZING AND INCREDIBLY SWEET AND GETTING TO DATE YOU FEELS LIKE A FUCKING COSMIC COLLISION OF EMOTIONS IM SO HAPPY I GET TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND HOLY SHIT!!!

little lion: ALSO YOU HAVE NO!! REASON!! TO BE AFRAID OF MY SIGNIFS OMG W H Y

jmadzzz: I

jmadzzz: they're all Amazing people, thomas is an Amazing person, as are you, and I just

jmadzzz: I'm like an oversized ball of yarn

jmadzzz: kind of soft and okay to look at but if you touch me I'll probably unravel

jmadzzz: and you don't date balls of yarn

little lion: you're the fucking cutest person I've ever met in my life Who compares themself to balls of yarn

little lion: my he a rt

jmadzzz: a l e x

little lion: l it er ally

little lion: also!! my relationship with you, has Nothing to do with my relationship with my signifs

little lion: yes you're all dating me but other than that they're Separate Things, and I expect that they're going to work differently, and I'm more than okay with that because you're all Different People, who I care about and Hopefully care about me

little lion: so you have nothing!! to worry about!! bc I think you're !!spectaCULAR!! and I wouldn't trade you for the world

jmadzzz: thank you alexander

little lion: I meAN IT

little lion: I WOULD KISS YOU RN BUT I CANT

jmadzzz: omg it's almost seven what are you still doing talking to me

little lion: trying to help you, my boyfriend, understand that you are just as important to me as thomas, john, laf, and hercules

little lion: bc yOU AR E

jmadzzz: <3 <3 <3

little lion: <3 <3 <3

little lion: I'm sorry dear but I have to go now bye!!

jmadzzz: bye!!

---

macaroni fUCK: oh my god just tell him you love him

jmadzzz: I'm not telling him over text message

macaroni fUCK: you love to hurt me don't you

jmadzzz: you didn't tell him you loved him on purpose

macaroni fUCK: ,,,,,true

jmadzzz: exactly

jmadzzz: and despite that conversation we Just had, alex deserves to hear that I love him for the first time In Person

macaroni fUCK: fi ne

jmadzzz: wanna make me tea??

macaroni fUCK: do you want to make me hot chocolate??

jmadzzz: sure

macaroni fUCK: then I'll make you tea

jmadzzz: perfect

---

little lion: DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO HAVE THE CONVERSATION WITHOUT TELLING HIM I LOVE HIM

macaroni fUCK: alex oh my god

macaroni fUCK: but yes I can imagine

little lion: HOLY SHIT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH THOMAS AND I WANT TO TELL HIM SO BAD

macaroni fUCK: he said he wants to tell you in person

little lion: DOES HE UNDERSTAND THAT I DO NOT CARE AND IF HE TEXTS IT TO ME I CAN PRINT IT AND FRAME IT AND PUT IT ON MY DESK

macaroni fUCK: probs not

little lion: I want to tell him so bad pl ease he lp m e

macaroni fUCK: maybe you should go on a date

macaroni fUCK: like without me

macaroni fUCK: and tell him then

little lion: I

little lion: but I want you there and I love you

macaroni fUCK: I love you too but I will banshee screech and you don't need that

macaroni fUCK: also I'll ruin the Mood™

little lion: fine but just know that if he says yes to the date we'll be thinking of you the whole time

macaroni fUCK: you're sweet

---

little lion: james!!

jmadzzz: I thought you were on your date

little lion: we're in the car talking about the lake house we're going to get when we're older I can multitask

jmadzzz: a lake house omg

little lion: lafayette has this entire dream of buying a vacation home to go to when we're older and we're all for it

little lion: you and thomas will also be coming but that's in the future so

jmadzzz: I

little lion: anyway!!

little lion: do you want to go on a date with me like next week

jmadzzz: just us??

little lion: yes

little lion: and this Was thomas' idea so he's okay with it

jmadzzz: yes I would love that

little lion: yay!!

little lion: idk what we're doing yet but chocolate will be involved in some way

jmadzzz: okay then I would Really Love that

little lion: !!!

jmadzzz: !!!

---

little lion: he said yes I love him so much

macaroni fUCK: !!!!!

---

jmadzzz: alex just asked me out I love him so much

macaroni fUCK: !!!!!

Chapter Text

macaroni fUCK: I think our james might be dying

little lion: oh dear

macaroni fUCK: well first of all, he's not dressed, other than that he's completely ready but he's lying on our bed looking up at the ceiling talking abt how Amazing you are and how he's Not ready for this

macaroni fUCK: it's kind of cute actually

little lion: s a ve hi m

little lion: also he doesn't have to go it's fine if he wants to cancel

macaroni fUCK: I want to fight you for that statement I just don't know why

little lion: rude

macaroni fUCK: !! okay I got it

macaroni fUCK: we love you to Death and don't like when you're willing to be upset for us

little lion: I

little lion: I love you too

little lion: but seriously is he okay

macaroni fUCK: yes I just told him that you said he could cancel and he just Screamed

macaroni fUCK: ""wHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT I LOVE HIM,,,DONT TELL HIM I SAID THAT""

little lion: he loves me!!

little lion: god I'm so lucky

macaroni fUCK: he wants to know like,,,,Around when you're picking him up again

little lion: seven

macaroni fUCK: what is with you and scheduling dates for seven o'clock

little lion: it's not That late but late enough to not be Early

macaroni fUCK: ah

macaroni fUCK: okay he's up now and Getting Ready

little lion: yay!!!

---

macaroni fUCK: he's panicking again abt how he looks

macaroni fUCK: which makes no sense bc he's fucking!!! gorgeous

little lion: omg tell him he'll look beautiful no matter what

macaroni fUCK: he's Screaming now

---

little lion: I'm coming up!!

little lion: the door lady isn't at her desk rn omg I'm Sprinting to the elevator 

macaroni fUCK: jAMES LOOKS!! SO BEAUTIFUL!! YOU'RE GOING TO D I E

little lion: omg!!

macaroni fUCK: IM SCREAMING

little lion: leT ME IN YOUR HOUSE

macaroni fUCK: IM COMING

macaroni fUCK: I

macaroni fUCK: this is so rude

little lion: you look so cute rn

macaroni fUCK: fU CK YOU YOU LOOK S TU N NIN G

little lion: you're wearing james' sweater and those sweatpants are most Definitely mine bc they're too short on you but they're loose in your thighs

macaroni fUCK: they are

little lion: I love you

macaroni fUCK: I love you too

---

jmadzzz: IM COMIGN OUT

little lion: we already know you're gay

jmadzzz: I want a divorce

macaroni fUCK: hA

jmadzzz: IM E ME R GING FROM THE HALLWAY TO WHERE YOU ARE AND IM NOT READY BUT IM ALSO VERY EXCITED SO ILL DEAL

little lion: I said you could've cancelled

jmadzzz: yes but that's Stupid bc you're Amazing and I like spending time with you more than Most Things

little lion: <3 <3 <3

jmadzzz: <3 <3 <3

jmadzzz: oKAY IM COMIGN

little lion: woOO

---

macaroni fUCK: so you know how you told me to message you on what alex looks like when he sees james

laf: yes

macaroni fUCK: well first of all his phone dropped out of his hands

macaroni fUCK: second of all (o✪ o ✪o)

laf: o m g

laf: thATS SO C U T E

macaroni fUCK: THYERE JUST DOING (o✪ o ✪o) AT EACH OTHER THIS IS THE GROSSEST THING IVE EVER SEEN IM LIV ING

laf: !!!!!! ! !!!! ! ! !!! ! ! !!! ! ! !! ! ! ! ! !

macaroni fUCK: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

little lion: I just realized I've never told any of my signifs I love them First??

macaroni fUCK: ???

little lion: you told me you loved me by Accident, when you were sad and also 20% an idiot bc you were in a pARK ALONE WITHOUT A COAT IN THE M I D D LE OF DECEMBER

macaroni fUCK: diDNT WE AGREE NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT

little lion: N O

macaroni fUCK: FUCK

little lion: anyway!! john told me and my signifs he loved us all at once in college

little lion: laf told me the morning after that when we First woke up and we were the only ones awake

little lion: hercules told me literally that Afternoon bc I have no self control and made out with him for three hours as Soon as I could and I called him beautiful and he told me he loved me and I fucking !!!!

little lion: I've never said it first

macaroni fUCK: if you're looking at it like that then neither has james

little lion: I HAVE OVER TWICE THE AMOUNT OF SIGNIFS HE DOES

macaroni fUCK: I

little lion: I love all of my signifs so much but I've never said it first

macaroni fUCK: we all love you too

little lion: I know

little lion: after all you said it first

macaroni fUCK: omg

little lion: hA

little lion: I hAVE TO GO WE'RE IN THE LOBBY NOW BYE LOVE

macaroni fUCK: bye!!!

---

jmadzzz: I love him so much thomas Help Me

macaroni fUCK: just!! tell him that!! he's literally so in love with you he would probably Pay Money to hear you Finally tell him that

jmadzzz: sTILL THOUGH WHAT IF HE DOESNT SAY IT BACK

macaroni fUCK: I love you dearly but what part of ""he is literally So In Love With You"" didn't you get

macaroni fUCK: he's gonna say it back

jmadzzz: BEING IN LOVE WITH ME AND LOVING ME ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

macaroni fUCK: he loVES YOU, HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU, ITS LITERALLY SO CUTE HE CALLS ME AT THREE IN THE MORNING CRYING ABT IT SOMETIMES ITS LITERALLY THE PUREST THING EVER IM GOING TO KILL BOTH OF YOU IF YOU COME HOME WITHOUT SAYING IT

macaroni fUCK: OR IF HE DOESNT SAY IT

jmadzzz: I asked his signifs advice on How to date him when I first started dating him

jmadzzz: two hours into the new year

macaroni fUCK: I

macaroni fUCK: and you never passed on this information why

jmadzzz: how did you think I knew that he couldn't wake up alone

macaroni fUCK: o H

jmadzzz: I was so scared of fucking this up thomas I didn't love him then

jmadzzz: I love him now and I'm still so scared of fucking this up

macaroni fUCK: oh love

macaroni fUCK: I mean, I get it, of course I do

macaroni fUCK: idk I guess I lucked out by being able to Not think before I speak

jmadzzz: l o v e

macaroni fUCK: you won't fuck anything up james

macaroni fUCK: you,,,,,also,,,,,already,,,,,,,told,,,,,,,him,,,,,that,,,,,you loved him

macaroni fUCK: ,,,,,,two months ago,,,,at the business retreat,,,,,,,

macaroni fUCK: he's Known

jmadzzz: AND YOU NEVER TO L D M ETHAT

macaroni fUCK: UP UNTIL NOW YOUVE THOUGHT IT WAS TOO SOON

macaroni fUCK: ME AND ALEX BOTH THINK THERES LITERALLY NO TOO SOON BUT YOU WANTED TO WAIT AND WE BOTH LOVE YOU SO WE WERENT GOING TO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE

macaroni fUCK: BUT NOW THAT YOURE OKAY WITH IT !!!!! FUCKING SAY IT !!!!!!

jmadzzz: IM SO SCARED THOUGH

macaroni fUCK: DO IT!! DO IT!! DO IT!!

jmadzzz: well he's driving so No

macaroni fUCK: THERES NO WRONG TIME DO IT NOW!! GO GO GO!!!

jmadzzz: consider: idek what songs he has on rn but they have these really Pretty vocals and he's singing along to them and I'd rather die than stop him rn

macaroni fUCK: okay

macaroni fUCK: I will accept that excuse bc I Relate but if one you haven't said it by the time you walk through our front door I'm killing both of you

macaroni fUCK: I will physically hunt down alex's car and attack him

jmadzzz: understood

macaroni fUCK: good

---

jmadzzz: we're in the eye of the storm

jmadzzz: the belly of beast

jmadzzz: the hurricane

macaroni fUCK: times square?

jmadzzz: you know it

macaroni fUCK: oh my god

---

jmadzzz: I have No clue where we are but alex is So Angry

macaroni fUCK: wh a t

jmadzzz: from where we're standing rn, I don't know where we are, but you need reservations to get in and apparenly alex made them but they don't Have them and he's So Angry

jmadzzz: okay the girl who checks for reservations is definitely flirting with alex

macaroni fUCK: I

macaroni fUCK: omg

jmadzzz: he's literally so >:^(( that he doesn't even recognize it I don't know how she hasn't Noticed this

macaroni fUCK: are you jealous??

jmadzzz: I don't think

macaroni fUCK: had to ask

jmadzzz: it's like,,,,,he's combing his hands through his hair and he Looks thoroughly stressed tf Out ((still cute tho)) and she's like giggling at him,,,,and I'm more Weirded out by this desk woman than Anything else 

jmadzzz: he almost just hit her in the face bc of how Widely his hands are moving when he talks now I'm screaming

macaroni fUCK: shKHSSKHD

jmadzzz: WE'RE LEAVING NOW HE SAID THANK YOU TO THE LADY AND DID THAT CUTE LITTLE SMILE AND SHES JUST STANDING THERE COMPLETELY TAKEN A B AC K BC LIKE

jmadzzz: LOOK AT HIM

macaroni fUCK: true true

little lion: WAIT SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH ME

jmadzzz: A L E X

little lion: sORRY

jmadzzz: HOW WOULD YOU HAVE CONTROLLED THAT

jmadzzz: LIKE YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG

little lion: you're so cute

jmadzzz: !!!

little lion: also that's weird I usually notice when people are Looking at me

macaroni fUCK: alexander I love you but you Don't

little lion: yeS I DO

macaroni fUCK: didn't your signifs have crushes on you for like a year before you noticed

jmadzzz: the morning thomas admitted he had a crush on you he called you by first full name and turned Bright red when he said hello to you and then I had to have the whole interaction screamed to me over text message bc you didn't notice Anything 

macaroni fUCK: james had a crush on you since dolley and martha's ball

little lion: YOU W HA T

jmadzzz: ,,,,,,,

little lion: YOU NEVER SA ID ANYTHIGN UNTIL THOAMS FOUND OUT OMG I

jmadzzz: I??

little lion: FOLLOW ME I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE PLANNED

jmadzzz: I'd follow you to the ends of the earth

little lion: now you're just trying to make me blush

jmadzzz: it's working

little lion: hush

---

little lion: haha almost told james I loved him in that text message and then panicked and sent the message with the I still there

macaroni fUCK: I noticed

little lion: thomas I love him so much Help Me

macaroni fUCK: maybe you should like,,,,,,idk,,,,,just a suggestion

macaroni fUCK: tELL HIM

little lion: THOMAS

macaroni fUCK: NOPE I TOLD HIM THAT IF YOU DONT SAY IT BY NIGHT'S END IM KILLING YOU BOTH

little lion: FAIR

macaroni fUCK: in All Honesty though,,,,,I'm YELLING

macaroni fUCK: literally you!! and james!! both love each other so much!! sO MUCH!! but you won't tell each other!! and it's so confusing bc there is a 0% chance of either of you Not saying it back but you've waited until now, aLLOWING ME TO SUFFER BY NOT BEING ABLE TO SCREAM, to do it, and even now you're still!! si l ent

little lion: the moment needs to be Perfect

macaroni fUCK: any moment spent with either of you, for anyone, is Perfect

little lion: love you

macaroni fUCK: love you too!!

little lion: now say that to jAMES

little lion: we only just got to the car

little lion: which means I have to go so bye thomas!!

macaroni fUCK: bye alex drive safe!!

---

jmadzzz: he brought me to a chocolate store

jmadzzz: also alex in a chocolate store is something I never knew I needed until this very moment

macaroni fUCK: omg

jmadzzz: he's so cute thomas I swear to god I haven't kissed him since we were in the elevator down from our apartment my heart hur ts

macaroni fUCK: I'm cr y i ng jsut k i ss him

jmadzzz: I can't he's talking abt his opinions on caramel I'm literally in tears 

macaroni fUCK: oh wait holy shit this is my Opportunity

macaroni fUCK: bring me As much chocolate home as you can afford

jmadzzz: I

jmadzzz: you're only dating us for our money

macaroni fUCK: I could buy and sell you both

jmadzzz: sweet

macaroni fUCK: I wouldn't though

jmadzzz: I'm not going to be flattered by that

macaroni fUCK: love you??

jmadzzz: ,,,,,love you too

macaroni fUCK: <3 <3 <3

jmadzzz: <3 <3 <3

---

jmadzzz: AKHKJSDHKJSGHLGLDHKJSDHKJHSDHKSDJHK

jmadzzz: LAHHALKDHKJS !!!!KSJHJDHGKSJHGKJS JBKJ!!!!

macaroni fUCK: WHAT

macaroni fUCK: WHAT WHAT WHAT

macaroni fUCK: ITS BEEN AN HOUR DID IT HAPPEN WHATS GOING ON

macaroni fUCK: SP E AK T O ME JE M M Y

jmadzzz: OKAY SO

jmadzzz: PICTURE IT

jmadzzz: TIMES SQUARE, TWENTY MINUTES AGO

macaroni fUCK: JA ME S

jmadzzz: right

jmadzzz: Okay So

jmadzzz: we're in this chocolate store, it's crowded, but it's literally Times Square so what do expect riGHT?

jmadzzz: but it sounds completely!! silent!! for some reason

jmadzzz: and alex is holding hands with me and he's looking at mini chocolate bars and I'm staring at him bc he's beautiful and it's Silent so I'm Completely focused

jmadzzz: but then alex looked kind of confused like >:^/ and I asked him if he was okay bc I'm a Concerned Boyfriend and he turns to me, stares at me for siX SILENT SECONDS

jmadzzz: AND THEN HE KISSED ME

jmadzzz: AND HE!! TOLD ME HE LOVED ME

jmadzzz: IN THE CUTEST VOICE EVER AND I JUST!!!

jmadzzz: DIED I DIED

jmadzzz: LIKE,,,HEART STOPPED, ALL BRAIN ACTIVITY CANCELLED, BLANK LOOK FOR A FULL TWO SECONDS BEFORE I SAID IT BACK AND HE SMILED SO !!WIDE!! AND IT WAS SO CUTE AND HE KISSED ME AGAIN AND THEN WE HELD HANDS WHILE WE WALKED THROUGH THE ENTIRE STORE AND WE GOT YOUR CHOCOLATE AND WE'RE ON OUR WAY HOME TO YOU AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH THOMAS IM GOING TO CO M BU ST

macaroni fUCK: BASHEE SCREECH

macaroni fUCK: !!! !! ! !! !! ! ! ! ! ! !!!!! ! ! ! !! ! ! ! ! !

macaroni fUCK: THATS SO CUTE I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH AND YOU!! TOLD EACH OTHER YOU LOVE EACH OTHER!!! IM C RYIN G

---

little lion: OKAY SO JAMES PROBABLY ALREADY TOLD YOU BUT I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM AND MY HEART IS STILL BEATING SO LOUDLY IM DYING

macaroni fUCK: I wANT DE TAILS

little lion: RIGHT OKAY SO

little lion: we're in this chocolate store, which is Huge, and they have all these mini caramel chocolate bars and I was talking about them bc they were Beautiful and every time I'd look over he was Looking at me and bc I never Shut Up, the fact that he's listening is So Cute

little lion: he's sO CUTE

little lion: anYWAY

little lion: so I'm stARING AT THESE CHOCOLATE BARS, TRYING TO FIND ANY REMNANTS OF SELF CONTROL LEFT IN ME BC THEY LOOKED SO GOOD AND FOR SOME REASON THE WORLD TRUSTS ME WITH A CREDIT CARD

macaroni fUCK: oh dear lord

little lion: AND THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE STORE BUT IT FELT COMPLETELY SILENT AND CALM

little lion: LIKE YKNOW THE OPPOSITE OF MY CONSTANT STATE

macaroni fUCK: I

little lion: AND HE ASKED ME IF I WAS OKAY AND I TURNED TO HIM AND I KIND OF WENT haha yeah AND MY HEART WAS !!!! !! !!! ! !!! !!!!!!! !!!! ! !!!! BC I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HES SO BEAUTIFUL THOMAS HES ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE IVE EVER SEEN ITS LIKE HAVING YOUR HEART BATHED IN HONEY, LOVING HIM

little lion: OH!! AND THEN I STARED AT HIM FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE YEARS AND I KISSED HIM AND TASTED LIKE RASPBERRIES AND THATS SO IMPORTANT HES SO IMPORTANT AND THEN I PULLED AWAY, GOT OFF OF MY FUCKING TIPPY TOES BC Y'ALL ARE TREES AND IM OV ER IT, AND I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM!!! AND HE SAID IT BACK!! SO I KISSED HIM AGAIN BC HES TOO CUTE AND I CANT HA DN LE IT AND THEN WE BOUGHT SO MUCH CHOCOLATE AND NOW WE'RE COMING UP TO YOUR APARMENT, JAMES BC HE LIVES WITH YOU, AND ME BC I LOVE YOU BOTH SM

macaroni fUCK: we love you too!!

macaroni fUCK: also james said you didn't reply when he asked if you were okay

little lion: yeah that's possible I was Very lovestruck

macaroni fUCK: it's like you w an t me dead

little lion: n e ver

little lion: !!! WE'RE GETTING OFF OF THE ELEVATOR NOW !!!

macaroni fUCK: !!!!

---

little lion: I need to move more of my clothes here

macaroni fUCK: some of the stuff in our dresser is yours

little lion: you are Still Wearing the only pair of sweatpants I keep in your apartment

macaroni fUCK: I'm not taking them off

little lion: fine then I'm wearing james' sweater and No pants as revenge

macaroni fUCK: ,,,,,,fuck

---

little lion: !!!! I ALMOST FORGOT TO UPDATE YOU

laf: DID IT HAPPEN

more like HUNKules: ?????????????

johnn: I WANT DETAILS

little lion: OUR RESERVATIONS APPARENTLY NEVER GOT THROUGH SO THEY WERENT SCHEDULED SO THAT DIDNT HAPPEN BUT THATS FINE BC WE WENT TO A V BIG CHOCOLATE STORE AND I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM AND HE!!! TASTED LIKE RA SPBER R IES AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IM GOING TO EXPLODE

laf: aH!!!!

johnn: THATS SO CUTE I LOVE YOU SM

little lion: I LOVE YOU TOO!!

more like HUNKules: LOVE YOU ALEX

laf: LOVE YOU!!

little lion: !!!!!

little lion: !! I'm in their living room now and I don't know why thomas likes drinking wine so much but we're sitting on the couch, which is Prime Soft btw I would die on this couch, drinking and eating chocolate while watching mamma mia

johnn: we're Also watching mamma mia,,,,,which is weird

little lion: I picked it

johnn: okay then that's a little less weird

little lion: we're literally the same people john

johnn: ,,,,,,anyway

johnn: we're on Sos and now and hercules and laf are singing it to each other and laf is In hercules' lap and it's so fu n n y I'm wheezing

little lion: FILM IT AND SEND IT TO ME

johnn: I CANT THE SONG ENDED

little lion: fuCK

laf: you missed the super trouper harmonizing

more like HUNKules: I still don't know how you get your voices to go so high

laf: Dedication

johnn: Passion for the Music

little lion: Courage

more like HUNKules: unbelievable

---

little lion: okay so I've been thinking abt it

little lion: and there's me, laf, john, hercules, james, and thomas

little lion: that's six people

johnn: it's midnight thirty why are you Up

little lion: we're still watching musicals but now it's beauty and the beast and also ""midnight thirty""

johnn: yes

johnn: also sorry love I'm awake now and What are you talking about

little lion: right!! so six of us total

johnn: yes

little lion: we should all cuddle together at some point

little lion: for my Health

johnn: I love you

little lion: I love you too!!

little lion: but seriously this cuddling thing

johnn: I'm for it

johnn: but I want to be next to you I can't be surrounded by the Tree People that we're in relationships with I'll die

little lion: oh same I Can't do that

little lion: but like this is an all day thing we're only allowed to get up to eat

johnn: I

johnn: I'm Still for it

little lion: yay!!

little lion: now I just have to,,,,,Inform everyone else

little lion: bc it's Happening I'll pay money

johnn: godspeed love

little lion: thank you

johnn: I'm gonna go back so sleep now but I'm still For this six person Cuddle Session just so you know I'm also just really tired

little lion: that's fine!! we're going to bed now too I love you!!

johnn: I love you too!!

little lion: <3 <3 <3

johnn: <3 <3 <3

---

little lion: someone carry me

macaroni fUCK: same

jmadzzz: I

jmadzzz: come on

little lion: this makes me feel like a child

macaroni fUCK: this is giving me Ideas abt james' strength and his Abilities

little lion: unbelievable

little lion: also not happening at any point tonight

macaroni fUCK: oh I know

macaroni fUCK: ,,,,maybe tomorrow morning

little lion: I

little lion: you two can do whatever but I'll be Dying in your bathroom bc we went through Multiple bottles of wine in three hours

macaroni fUCK: ,,,,,okay me too

little lion: right

---

jmadzzz: I love you alex

little lion: I love you too!!

jmadzzz: I would tell you out loud but thomas is Snoring

little lion: that's fine!!

little lion: also I've never heard him snore before

jmadzzz: does it sometimes after he gets Really drunk

little lion: makes sense

little lion: I love you both so much

jmadzzz: we love you too

little lion: !!!

Chapter Text

little lion: I love thomas so much??

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

little lion: gROUP CHAT

more like HUNKules: I'm never talking to you ever again

johnn: ???

johnn: it's john btw idk if you remember me

little lion: you were here 20 minutes ago

johnn: I

laf: it's lafayette and also why aren't we talking to alex

little lion: no no no

little lion: hercules isn't talking, you and john are stuck with me

laf: tragic

johnn: unfortunately

little lion: rude

little lion: also hercules is mad because he was like ""we should start a group chat"" and then I said okay and he started yelling when I actually did it

more like HUNKules: I hate you

little lion: yeah okay

little lion: next time you want to cuddle someone Don't contact me

more like HUNKules: ....I take it back

johnn: amazing

laf: is cuddling alexander really that important to you??

more like HUNKules: if you have to ask it means you've never done it before

laf: I have not

little lion: ;^))))))))))) you should come over

laf: I

laf: first of all the implications of that winky face

laf: second of all I honestly would love to but I have work tomorrow so I have to prepare for death

little lion: gl

little lion: anytime you want to burn it just let me know and we'll disappear

laf: a true friend

johnn: I still want to be there when this happens

laf: N o

johnn: fine

little lion: I want more dairy queen

more like HUNKules: you can have mine

little lion: I lov e you

more like HUNKules: can't relate

little lion: and if I offer to hug you for like the next two hours??

more like HUNKules: I love you too and I am Running

little lion: YOU CNA T RUN WHEN IM EATING IC ECREMA

johnn: godspeed

laf: jesus

---

johnn: I just got asked out by this guy and his girlfriend

little lion: ooh go for it

johnn: I Am Gay

little lion: right

little lion: go for the boyfriend then

johnn: I don't think it's that kind of preposition though like I don't think I get to be picky

little lion: then idk how to help you

johnn: kill me??

little lion: it'd be Cruel to kill such lovely cheekbones

johnn: I

johnn: I'm blushing

little lion: ;^)))

laf: gross

little lion: whO ASKED YOU

---

laf: I would love for my eyeliner to be symmetrical Before you come to get me

laf: js

more like HUNKules: your eyeliner is going to look perfect anyway don't even

more like HUNKules: that can be a look can't it

laf: n o T to me

more like HUNKules: fair enough

little lion: anything can be a look laf

little lion: for instance, I'm working the "I haven't slept in three days and my dark circles are couture"" look

laf: I

laf: I don't even want to go anymore I just want to Protect you

little lion: that's nice but I am functioning perfectly fine

laf: are you though?

little lion: sure

laf: oh god

johnn: I would love to have clothes that match

laf: I

little lion: @@hercules can you get here please before I fall asleep

more like HUNKules: I can only walk so fast

little lion: you have long af legs they should be able to carry you faster

more like HUNKules: fuck you

more like HUNKules: also lafayette is the one here literally Made of legs don't look at me

laf: why are you staring at my legs hercules?? hMmMMmMM

more like HUNKules: they're a mystery of nature and should be investigated

laf: ;^)))) I could say something right now

more like HUNKules: go for it honestly

laf: I would much rather you investigate what's between them ;^))

more like HUNKules: .......can I use my girlfriend as an excuse for this

laf: polyamory

more like HUNKules: idk if she'd be comfortable with that

laf: my invitation can extend to her if she'd like it to

johnn: can you not do this like right now?

little lion: like really

laf: fine

more like HUNKules: alex I'm here

little lion: fiNALLY

more like HUNKules: okay @john and laf we're going to be late because none of alex's clothes match

more like HUNKules: I'm burning all of your neon clothes

little lion: THEY'RE IN FASHION

more like HUNKules: it is winter

more like HUNKules: meaning it's WINTER COLOR SEASON

more like HUNKules: NEON YELLOW IS NOT A WINTER COLOR AND THE FACT THAT YOU OWN JEANS IN THAT COLOR GROSSES ME OUT

little lion: RUDE

laf: MY EYELINER IS DONE NOBODY SPEAK TO ME

johnn: I'm kind of ready if you accept the bare minimum of what should be okay to wear in public

johnn: I'm in the most basic clothes I own

laf: you're cute so you're fine

johnn: you think I'm cute?

laf: I

more like HUNKules: ALEX OWNS SO MANY NEON CLOTHES

little lion: THEY WERE ON SALE AND IM BROKE AS FUCK HERCULES

more like HUNKules: I will Dye these clothes for you

little lion: wha t

more like HUNKules: JUST SO THEYRE NOT NEON I SWEAR TO GOD

little lion: YAY

more like HUNKules: NOW GO PUT ON THESE CLOTHES, IN PRIMARY COLORS, AND SAVE ME THE TRAUMA OF HAVING TO LOOK AT YOUR PANTS

little lion: FINE

more like HUNKules: WE'LL BE THERE IN LIKE TEN MINUTES JOHN

johnn: okay!!

---

laf: none of you have said anything since last night are you okay

johnn: I'm dying

laf: wanna come get breakfast with me?

johnn: yeah but I'm wearing sunglasses there and you're not allowed to say anything

laf: so am I it's fine

laf: mainly because I look like a mess but I understand

johnn: where are alex and hercules?

little lion: yeah I'm awake I'm coming with you

laf: yay!! now all we need is hercules

little lion: right

johnn: are you okay alexander? did something happen??

little lion: "alexander" and yeah I'm mostly okay and no nothing happened

more like HUNKules: you guys can go without me I'm not leaving my bed anytime soon

laf: we'll bring you food back

more like HUNKules: than k you

---

more like HUNKules: alex

little lion: no

more like HUNKules: we're gonna have to talk about it

little lion: no we don't

little lion: we kissed, you have a girlfriend

little lion: you should probably fix things with her and then we can never speak of it again

more like HUNKules: okay

little lion: great

---

more like HUNKules: is it normal to feel weird when someone kisses you

johnn: what

laf: did you kiss someone we don't know about??

more like HUNKules: NO

more like HUNKules: I'm home for christmas right now and I elizabeth just kissed me and idk it feels kind of gross

laf: how did we miss that you were going home today??

laf: also that's probably not a good sign?? like I don't want to doubt your love for your girlfriend but when you kiss someone you love it's supposed to be like !!!

johnn: have you kissed someone we don't know about mx. lafayette??

laf: HA I wish

johnn: just making sure there's no one you're Hiding from us

laf: I spend like every second with you people how could I hide someone from you

johnn: true

johnn: anyway hercules are you okay?

more like HUNKules: sure

laf: dear

more like HUNKules: no she kissed me again and it was fine

more like HUNKules: I don't understand this

johnn: how often are you kissing her what the fuck

more like HUNKules: idk?

laf: this is gross btw I hate this

laf: also it's making me realize how much I need someone to make out with

johnn: stop looking at me like that

laf: ......I'm just saying

johnn: no

johnn: also where is alex

little lion: dead

johnn: as per usual but also come over

little lion: do you have food

johnn: no

little lion: hard pass

johnn: wow

---

johnn: NEW YEARS!!!

more like HUNKules: !!!!

little lion: you stopped singing with me just to text john four exclamation points

more like HUNKules: yes

little lion: rude

laf: wait john are you just sitting alone in your dorm rn yelling??

johnn: no my roommate is here yelling with me

little lion: your roommate?

little lion: the one you think is hot??

johnn: maybe

more like HUNKules: oooOoOOooOooOoOOoO

johnn: stop that

laf: GET IT JONATHAN

johnn: that's not my name

laf: just go with it love

johnn: fine

laf: wait

laf: fuck him

johnn: I can't just

laf: yes you can just start talking to him and see where it goes

johnn: fine but it's not going to work

laf: I never fail

johnn: whatever

---

johnn: okay so

laf: HA

johnn: I HAVENT EVEN SAID ANYTHING YET

laf: YOU DONT HAVE TO ITS THREE IN THE MORNING YOU WOULDVE TEXTED BACK SOONER

johnn: I CAN NEVER LOOK AT HIM AGAIN AFTER THIS I HATE MY LIFE

laf: WHY

johnn: ITS AW KWA RD NOW AND WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT

johnn: I WILL STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH ALL OF YOU AND I WILL LIGHT YOU ON FIRE

laf: sweet

johnn: SHUT U P

---

little lion: HERCULES

more like HUNKules: yeah??

little lion: is it just me or is lafayette acting weird around john??

little lion: like idk they're just being ???

more like HUNKules: no it's not just you I noticed it earlier when john laughed and lafayette almost cried

more like HUNKules: but then again they do the same thing towards you so like

little lion: they do n o t

more like HUNKules: last week you were eating scrambled eggs and reading and they stared at you for fifteen minutes straight on the verge of tears

little lion: I don't remember that

more like HUNKules: what Do you remember

little lion: I

more like HUNKules: exactly

---

little lion: when hercules gives you all your neon clothes back and they look nice now and you lvo e him

more like HUNKules: he attacked me when I opened the door and made me drop all of them and now he's just lying on top of the pile

johnn: I don't even want to see it

laf: it's really cute actually

little lion: I am not ""cute""

laf: you're adorable hush

little lion: ngnmgmgngmg

johnn: me too buddy

little lion: fuck off

---

little lion: someone come cuddle me

laf: why

more like HUNKules: on my way

little lion: hercules is a true pal

more like HUNKules: <3 <3 <3

little lion: <3 <3 <3

little lion: also because I'm cold and out of blankets and love my friends

johnn: I just locked myself out of my dorm but !! I'm on my way to you

little lion: my bed is not fitting all of us

laf: I'm leaving now and your bed doesn't even fit two of us we'll work around it

more like HUNKules: aka, you all end up piled on top of me

johnn: you love it

more like HUNKules: I prefer breathing more though

little lion: can y'all get here quicker I'm sha king

more like HUNKules: I'm here

little lion: !!!!!

laf: I put on the wrong shoes

laf: in related news, I hate you alex for buying me these slippers

little lion: RUDE

johnn: aw but I like those duck slippers

laf: THEY QUACK WHEN I WALK

laf: THEYRE ECHOING

johnn: THATS WHAT THAT IS??

laf: IM GOING TO KILL YOU

johnn: YOULL HAVE TO RUN TO CATCH ME

johnn: QUACKING ACROSS CAMPUS

laf: I HATE ALL OF YOU

laf: EXCEPT HERCULES HES THE ONLY GOOD ONE

more like HUNKules: nope I helped pick them out and I helped wrap them

little lion: you have gentler and bigger hands than me

more like HUNKules: I know go back to sleep

little lion: don't have to tell me twice

laf: I don't know any of you

johnn: and yet you're quacking all the way to us

johnn: NONOONOONO

more like HUNKules: did you just kill john

laf: I SAW HIM AND HE WAS LAUGHING AT ME SO I TACKLED HIM

laf: HE'S SO SMALL BUT HE STILL THINKS HE CAN OUTRUN ME

johnn: THEYRE CRUSHIGN ME

laf: PAY FOR YOUR SINS

more like HUNKules: I don't want to get out of bed so I'm going to let you hash this one out

little lion: !!!

johnn: RUD E

---

laf: hercules' girlfriend is so nice

johnn: I can't believe you kissed her hand

laf: I had to!!

johnn: you didn't

little lion: I don't understand why we can't have this conversation out loud

johnn: because you look sad and you don't like talking when you're Sad

little lion: ........

---

little lion: hello welcome to the Crying over hercules chat

little lion: it has one purpose can you guess what it is

laf: we probably should've had this sooner

johnn: true

little lion: I just!!

little lion: hercules is just so good??? I lvoe him???

laf: I get it

johnn: same

little lion: and like elizabeth is so nice!! she's literally the sweetest person ever but like I love him sm it hurts me

laf: alexander oh my god come here

---

johnn: you just want to hug alex

laf: he loves hercules so therefore nothing will come of me being selfish

johnn: he loves you too tf??

laf: no?

laf: we've been over this I am Not doing it again

johnn: fine

---

laf: denny's is such a low quality restaurant

more like HUNKules: oh my god

johnn: idk I think it's kind of cute

little lion: fuck you laf I love it here

little lion: I could LIVE inside this denny's

laf: and that's the moment I would stop being friends with you I swear to god

little lion: no wait hear me out

little lion: endless supply of coffee

laf: I already take it back

johnn: petty

little lion: Free Bacon

laf: if you were to supply me with an endless stream of coffee and bacon I would marry you

little lion: I'm Too Broke to pay for a wedding

little lion: ask me again in five years

laf: will you have coffee and bacon for me in five years

little lion: of course

laf: you're paying for the rings

little lion: fine but I want at Least two goats and $32

laf: as if marrying me requires a dowry

laf: I AM A G I FT

johnn: two goats is a little pricy don't you think

laf: TRAITOR

---

little lion: I miss you :^(((

more like HUNKules: you Just drove away from us

little lion: are you implying that you Don't miss me already

more like HUNKules: my heart Aches

little lion: rude

johnn: I now remember why I hate my father

johnn: on top of all the other reasons

little lion: ???

johnn: ""so, do you have a girlfriend yet"" like buddy

little lion: oh no

laf: alex looks so concerned

little lion: why couldn't we steal john and take him with us

laf: I offered but he said no

johnn: my dad would kill me

little lion: :^(((((( I love you stay safe

johnn: I love you too

johnn: I'll try

more like HUNKules: and I have to work this summer to fund my Future studio

laf: you could've stayed with us and done that

little lion: why are george and martha talking abt hiking

little lion: what did you sign me up for

little lion: I'm not hiking lafayette I won't do it

little lion: I'd rather die

laf: it's not that bad

little lion: save me

more like HUNKules: good luck alex

johnn: don't die!!

little lion: I MAKE NO PROMISES!!

---

little lion: LIGHT ME ON FIRE

johnn: how much time to do I have to get there

little lion: TWENTY MINUTES

johnn: sorry I'm too far away

little lion: it's fine I accept your excuse

little lion: ANYWAY

little lion: IM BEING FORCED TO GO HIKING

little lion: LAFAYETTE IS IN KHAKI SHORTS AND A SHIRT THATS ABSOLUTELY GOING TO COME OFF LATER AND IM NOT READY FOR THIS

laf: ;^)))

little lion: you're carrying me when my legs get tired

laf: fine but you can't walk ten feet and then say your legs are tired

johnn: oh shit

little lion: fi NE

laf: of course I'll carry you then

little lion: maybe I can just fling myself off of one of these cliffs

johnn: good luck dear

little lion: fucking stab me

johnn: again

johnn: I'm 13 hours away

little lion: ugh

laf: we're here!!

little lion: UGH

---

johnn: FIVE DAYS UNTIL I GET TO LEAVE HELL

johnn: AND SEE MY LIGHTS

laf: aw!! we can't wait to see you john!!

little lion: FIVE DAYS

more like HUNKules: FIVE

more like HUNKules: DAYS

johnn: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

---

johnn: I'm not showing up I hate everything

little lion: john oh my god

johnn: ITS SO UGLY

laf: you look so cute shush

more like HUNKules: did I miss something??

laf: john and alex were being gross and skyping and john is yelling because his hair is frizzy

johnn: I LOOK LIKE A CLOUD WITH EYES

more like HUNKules: aw

little lion: an Adorable cloud with eyes

johnn: NO

little lion: an Adorable cloud with Beautiful eyes

johnn: I WANT A DIV O RCE

little lion: we aren't married

laf: tf alex I give you two of my goats and $32 and you're married to someone else??

little lion: I only counted $30

laf: 30 dollars and my Love should be enough for you

little lion: moving on

laf: rude

johnn: I'm still yelling

johnn: ug h I have to get on a plane now bye dears!!

more like HUNKules: godspeed john

laf: bye!!

little lion: see you soon!!

---

laf: ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

little lion: it's TWO IN THE MORNING WHY DO YOU HAVE A NOISEMAKER

laf: ITS

laf: MY

laf: B I R T H D A Y

little lion: S T O P

johnn: I wish I wasn't in your bed

more like HUNKules: why are you in one of their beds?

johnn: I was cold

more like HUNKules: yeah okay

johnn: fine alex is soft And I was cold

more like HUNKules: that's more realistic

little lion: you can come here yknow

little lion: I can feel you pouting through the phone

more like HUNKules: I am not pouting

little lion: your frown just got >:^((-ier

more like HUNKules: ....no....

little lion: come!! here!! then!!

laf: !!!do it!!!

laf: I need someone to cuddle me because alex stole john

little lion: ;^))

more like HUNKules: I'm on my way

laf: yay!!

---

laf: hELP HELP HELP

laf: !!!!!!

laf: I need help getting out of my dress!!!!

laf: !!!!!!

laf: do I seriously need to call y'all for this

laf: absolutely inconsiderate

---

johnn: SINNER

little lion: WE KNOW WHAT YOURE DOING

johnn: WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER

more like HUNKules: OH MY G O D

---

laf: I'm going to be late to go to olive garden!!!

johnn: are you kidding

laf: I wish I was dear

johnn: never speak to me again we are no longer pals

laf: love you!!

johnn: nope

laf: order me an iced tea

johnn: c h o k e

---

more like HUNKules: my parents are trying to kill me

laf: ???

more like HUNKules: I've eaten more food in the past hour than I have for the past 22 years of my l i f e

laf: oh my god

more like HUNKules: what are you three doing??

laf: well I was out all morning

laf: john and alex were asleep when I left and I just called them but they didn't answer so they might?? still be asleep

more like HUNKules: oh dear god

laf: idk I'm headed back now so I'll see

more like HUNKules: godspeed

---

laf: OH

laf: I FOUND THEM

more like HUNKules: ???

laf: LETS NOT TALK ABOUT IT

more like HUNKules: ?????

laf: NO

more like HUNKules: ???????????????

---

more like HUNKules: I'm coming home tomorrow idk if I told you

laf: you did but just so you know that when you do come home you're coming home to alex's pierced ears

more like HUNKules: WHAT

---

little lion: we've known each other for over a year now holy shit

laf: why are you under the bed

little lion: I'm crying don't come down here

johnn: al e x

little lion: I'm so happy I met you all!! you're my best friends and I lvoe you sm

more like HUNKules: we love you too alex

little lion: !!!

laf: I'm crawling under the bed

little lion: n o

laf: nope I'm bringing crackers and blankets and we're cuddling on the floor in the dark because you won't come out from under there

little lion: fine

little lion: <3 <3 <3

laf: <3 <3 <3 now get under these blankets

little lion: they're so soft

laf: not as soft as you are

little lion: hush

---

johnn: ITS CHRISTMAS

johnn: IM R U N N IN G TO ALEX AND LAF'S ROOM TO YELL RN

more like HUNKules: they're going to kill you

johnn: I have alcohol and presents

more like HUNKules: they're going to kill you a little bit less

johnn: ....

johnn: IM GONNA RISK IT

---

johnn: okay private chat for just a moment

more like HUNKules: okay??

johnn: they're so beautiful hercules

johnn: I just woke them up and they want me Dead and they both look like such a mess but they're so beautiful and I'm so g ay

more like HUNKules: oh dear god

johnn: they still have their beds pushed together and they're cuddling and I barged the fuck in on this scene that is so beautiful that its magnificence can't be captured in paintings or sculptures or by any work created by human hands

johnn: and alex looks so tired and his hair is everywere and he's so >:^((( but he's beautiful and Iv oe him and laf's hair is always everywhere but this time it's not On Purpose and the light captures them elegantly and I'm !!!

more like HUNKules: are you okay

more like HUNKules: also do they not notice you're texting me rn

johnn: oH

johnn: AFTER STARING AT ME WHILE I TOOK OFF ALMOST ALL OF MY SNOW CLOTHES

johnn: I CLIMBED INTO THEIR NOW CONJOINED BED AND DID YOU KNOW THEY LITERALLY SLEEP ON TOP OF EACH OTHER

johnn: LIKE THEYRE GLUED TO EACH OTHER AND THEY JUST FALL ASLEEP LIKE THAT

johnn: HERCULES IM SO GAY

more like HUNKules: I UNDERSTAND NOW GO TO BED

johnn: IM CRYIGN I LVOE THEM SM

more like HUNKules: ME TOO NOW S L E E P

johnn: OKAY GOODNIGHT HERCULES!!

more like HUNKules: it's one in the afternoon

johnn: GOOD

johnn: NIGHT

---

johnn: it's valentine's day!! I'm so incredibly alone!!

more like HUNKules: nice to know you're staying positive john

johnn: thanks it's one of my best qualities

little lion: candy!!! shopping!!!

more like HUNKules: I'm scared for your wallet

little lion: can't be scared if I don't have one!!

more like HUNKules: you don't have a wallet???

johnn: yes you do?? it's that hideous brown leather one than you have??

little lion: I kept getting sad that there was no money in it so I sold it

johnn: but then where do you keep that money??

little lion: My Heart

johnn: I

laf: I'm so sorry loves but I!! have a date!! and cannot make it to the wonderful horror show that will be alex set free in a candy store

little lion: you say candy store as if we're not going to cvs where it's like Max 99 cents for a full bag of subpar gummy red hearts

little lion: and that's fine have fun

little lion: !!

laf: thank you I will!!

---

little lion: you could at least try to act like you're okay with it

johnn: but I'm Not

little lion: john

johnn: alex!!!

little lion: we had to know this would happen eventually right??

little lion: like?? lafayette is a deity and we're definitely not the only ones in the world who have noticed that

more like HUNKules: clearly

johnn: I love when hercules gets bitter

more like HUNKules: thanks??

little lion: and like it was only a matter of time?? before someone asked them out?? and I mean

little lion: let's face it it was entirely our faulth that it wasn't one or More of us so like!!

johnn: feelings suCK

johnn: I WANT THEM GO N E

more like HUNKules: me too john me too

little lion: same

little lion: they're telling me abt how cute this guy is can you please kill me

johnn: I'm literally crying in hercules' bed I can't

---

little lion: hercules' bed??

johnn: not what you think

little lion: mhmm

johnn: if you get to sleep with Lafayette every night I get to sleep with Hercules sometimes

little lion: john the Entire Problem here is that none of us are sleeping with each other

johnn: right

---

little lion: p l e a s e

more like HUNKules: john is in my arms I Can't

little lion: f i n e

little lion: they're asking me to see if their fake eyelashes are even which requires me to get four inches from their face and try not to act like I want to die

more like HUNKules: I'm so sorry

little lion: I hate myself

little lion: the guy that laf's going on the date with just texted them and his name in their phone has a heart on it I didn't even see his name but fuck if that doesn't hurt

johnn: I HATE EVERYTHING!!!

more like HUNKules: ME TOO!!!

little lion: SAME!!!

---

laf: sORRY ALEX

little lion: I'm Disgusted

laf: I thought you would be with john and hercules by then I'm So Sorry that I basically kicked you out of our room

little lion: yeah haha they kind of stood me up but it's okay

little lion: and besides I his jawline I 100% understand

laf: they stood you up?? are you okay??

little lion: yeah I went there after you came back and it's totally fine

laf: I'm sorry again

little lion: you're fine!! I hope you and that guy work out

laf: me too I guess

little lion: ???

laf: !!!

little lion: !!!

---

johnn: alex!!

little lion: ???

more like HUNKules: because we accidentally stood you up on valentine's day and laf had a date we were WOndering

laf: all of the candy is on sale now

johnn: we're going to take you to fuckign cvs

little lion: REALLY

little lion: LIKE REALLY REALLY

laf: yes!!

little lion: I LVOE YOU ALL SO MUCH YOURE THE BEST PEOPLE <3 <3 <3

more like HUNKules: we love you too

laf: <3 <3 <3

johnn: also we're literally just making it up to you come on

little lion: !!!!!!!

---

laf: the schuyler st. patricks day party is tonight!!!

little lion: I'm being dressed in so much green it's sinful

little lion: this boa is strangling me

johnn: boa??

little lion: lafayette hates me 

laf: I do not

little lion: THIS BOA SUGGESTS OTHERWISE GILBERT

laf: FUC K YO U

more like HUNKules: are you offering

laf: MOVING ON

johnn: HA

laf: IF YOU'RE NOT WEARING AT LEAST 50% GREEN BY THE TIME WE COME TO GET YOU I WILL KILL

little lion: I'm wearing 70% green if my jeans take up 30% of my clothes

laf: your belt is green

little lion: why do you even own a green belt like what do you even use it for

little lion: you rarely ever even wear jeans

laf: you never know

little lion: I can't believe

johnn: does a green necklace count as something

laf: john that's like 0.5% of what you're wearing

johnn: do my underwear count for anything

johnn: green isn't my color

little lion: your eyes are green and you're So Cute literally shut up

johnn: 3/10

laf: no you're underwear do not count

little lion: mine did this is a double standard

laf: well I Saw your underwear before you put on your jeans though that's an entirely different premise

little lion: fine

laf: speaking of you putting on your jeans

laf: you need new jeans all of yours are too big

little lion: are you going to fund these jeans??

laf: ...no

little lion: then hUSH

laf: fair enough

johnn: y'all argue like a married couple

little lion: we're not married though I was only paid $30 and I never saw ONE GOAT

laf: WE'RE DROPPING THAT JOKE ITS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR

little lion: BUT ITS SO GOOD

laf: N O

little lion: FINE

---

johnn: did something?? happen??? last night at that party

johnn: bc y'all are acting like we did after we made out on Christmas

little lion: we don't talk abt us making out on christmas and thank you for putting this in the Crying abt Lafayette chat

johnn: I figured bc you two speak whenever they talk to you and they look smug

johnn: you couldn't have slept together bc I went home with all of you

more like HUNKules: we didn't sleep with lafayette

little lion: unfortunately

more like HUNKules: BUT

little lion: lafayette Did say that they wanted to sleep with us

johnn: WHAT

little lion: like all three of us

little lion: me, you, and hercules like literally our entire friend group

johnn: FU CK

johnn: WHAT DO WE DO NOW

little lion: U have No Idea

johnn: SHIT

more like HUNKules: let's get breakfast

little lion: I

johnn: okay

---

little lion: we have Four Days until graduation where did the time go

laf: you need to pack your shit before we fucking move out

little lion: we get to live with john!!

more like HUNKules: in a one bedroom apartment

little lion: we're not the best thinkers okay

laf: we'll make it work

more like HUNKules: you're ridiculous

little lion: we wish you could live with us hercules!!

laf: we're going to miss you so much!!

little lion: !! you'll have to visit us All the Time!!

more like HUNKules: I'll be moving back at some point

laf: it better be soon I swear to god

more like HUNKules: hopefully

little lion: hey where's john??

laf: I don't?? know??

little lion: @@@john come to our dorm we miss you

johnn: hey

johnn: yeah I'm

johnn: I'll be there

laf: yay!!

---

more like HUNKules: so I'm guessing that that one bedroom apartment wasn't necessarily a bad idea then

johnn: hush

johnn: I love you all so much

more like HUNKules: we love you too!!

little lion: we're!!! dATING!!!

little lion: !!!! IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SINCE FOREVER IM SO HAPPY!!!!! YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY!!

laf: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

johnn: A H

Chapter Text

jmadzzz: okay wait do I really still talk in my sleep

macaroni fUCK: yes

jmadzzz: why wouldn't you tell me that

macaroni fUCK: I

macaroni fUCK: you're not allowed to make fun of me

jmadzzz: I won't love

macaroni fUCK: you used to propose to me in your sleep

jmadzzz: we're??? engaged????

macaroni fUCK: beFORE THAT

macaroni fUCK: LIKE WAY BEFORE THAT YOU USED TO ASK ME AND I !!

macaroni fUCK: I just!! I never thought I'd hear it in real life so I had to Settle

jmadzzz: you never thought I'd propose to you??

macaroni fUCK: not really??

jmadzzz: whY

macaroni fUCK: I just

macaroni fUCK: I never thought that you would actually Want to marry me, like you'd be okay with dating me just not Marrying me

macaroni fUCK: and I get that marriage isn't the End All Be All of being in a relationship but like I've always Wanted to get married, and I really want to marry you and idk!!

macaroni fUCK: and of course I considered proposing to you, but I would always get so !! about you finding the ring before I got to ask, you saying no, or breaking up with me

macaroni fUCK: or you finding the ring, saying no, AND breaking up with me

macaroni fUCK: or I would ask and you would say yes when you really didn't want to and you would end up resenting me bc you know that you could've done better and you regret settling so young and wasting your whole life with someone that didn't deserve you

jmadzzz: th o m as

jmadzzz: of course!! I would've said yes!! if you proposed to me

jmadzzz: I've been imagining a future with you since we were like eighteen

jmadzzz: and I plan to Have a Future with you

jmadzzz: and even when we're like Eighty and my hair is either gray or completely gone and you still look as beautiful as you always have and you hopefully still love me back, I'm going to look back at this and Know that the best thing I've ever been a part of was my life with you

macaroni fUCK: I

macaroni fUCK: ja me s

macaroni fUCK: I love you so much I can't wait to marry you

jmadzzz: I love you too, I always will

macaroni fUCK: !!!

---

laf: I love learning new things abt all of you even though we've been together so long

little lion: I love you

little lion: also ???

laf: where are you I miss you

little lion: I'm downstairs making coffee love

laf: bring me some omg

little lion: of course but also ?????

laf: right!!

laf: john was Attacking Me

johnn: n O

johnn: NO NO NO

little lion: (stick to the stuff you know)

johnn: LAFAYETTE STOLE THE LAST CUTE BLUE HAIR TIE THAT I WANTED

laf: YOURE WEARING GREEN IM WEARING BLUE IT JUST MAKES SE NS E

johnn: WHAT EVE R

johnn: BASICALLY LAFAYETTE STOLE MY HAIR TIE

laf: IT WAS RIGHTFULLY MINE ANYWAY BUT JOHN KEPT GRABBING FOR IT SO I TRIED TO RUN OUT OF THE BATHROOM BUT JOHN TACKLED ME

laf: AND YKNOW HOW HERCULES IS BASICALLY IN A COMA WHEN HE SLEEPS

little lion: of course I love him so much

johnn: saM E

laf: I WAS LIKE !!HELP!! NOT THINKING IT WAS GOING TO DO ANYTHING

laf: AND IT WASNT EVEN LIKE L OU D

laf: BUT HERCULES SITS RAM ROD STRAIGHT 100% AWAKE AND ALARMED AND HES LIKE !!!WHAT ARE YOU OKAY!!!

little lion: n o

johnn: AND ME AND LAF JUST SAT THERE ON THE GROUND STARING AT HIM BC HE LITERALLY JSUT

laf: AND I GO ""I'm fine love you're okay"" AND HES LIKE ""okay, just making sure you're safe I love you"" AND HE FLEL ASLEEP AGAIN

laf: HE WKA E S UP!! IF HE THNKS WERTE IN DNAGER

laf: IM LVOE HIM

johnn: laf is cryign rn

little lion: and you are??

johnn: weeping

little lion: right

johnn: it's completely different

little lion: Sure

little lion: I'm bringing up coffee now btw

johnn: bless

laf: I need to simultaneously hug hercules for the rest of our lives and also work to give him everything he deserves for the rest of time

laf: hercules deserves so much oh my god

laf: like entire palaces built in his honor but he wouldn't even Want them

johnn: hercules literally wants like,,,a log cabin with an endless supply of hot chocolate and those ugly plaid blankets with fringe on them on comfy furniture with soft throw pillows he probably made himself

little lion: an Eternal collection of yarn in every color and knitting needles with cozy socks and sweaters and us just there to cuddle him Forever

laf: I'm so happy he chooses to have us in his life

johnn: same

little lion: I lvoe him

more like HUNKules: I

more like HUNKules: first of all

laf: omg

more like HUNKules: of coURSE I wake up when I think you're in danger what kind of husband do you take me for

laf: a be au tif ul one I love you

more like HUNKules: I love you too literally so much

johnn: hERCULES

more like HUNKules: omg you're all crying come here

laf: HSKDHKSDH

little lion: HERCULES!!

more like HUNKules: oh dear

more like HUNKules: suffocating

johnn: TRAGIC

---

little lion: thomas where the fuck is your screwdriver set

macaroni fUCK: in my bottom desk drawer why do you need them

little lion: my desk chair is making an Insufferable squeaking noise and I need to Fix It

macaroni fUCK: oh okay

macaroni fUCK: WAIT NO

macaroni fUCK: DONT GO IN MY DESK DRAWER I AM RUNNING TO MY OFFICE DONT DO I T

little lion: I

little lion: is this about your polaroid nudes??

macaroni fUCK: SKDH.KSDLJ'LSDKJ[SEKOJ

macaroni fUCK: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THOSE

little lion: john found them when he took the door to burr's office last year

macaroni fUCK: L AS T YE A R

little lion: it's nothing I haven't seen before thomas

little lion: they're kind of cute actually

macaroni fUCK: I WANT A DI VO R CE

macaroni fUCK: ALSO YOU CANT CALL NUDES CUTE

little lion: you and john agree on this but I Don't

little lion: you're Cute, so are the pictures

little lion: hoWEVER the deeper into your desk drawer they go they do get more explicit

macaroni fUCK: STOP

little lion: OH JAMES IS IN THIS ONE

little lion: N O T HIS FACE THO

macaroni fUCK: YOU LCOK ED THE DOOR TO M Y OFICE

little lion: I NEED MORE TIM ETO LOOK AT THEM THERES SO MANY

little lion: okay,,,,why specifically Silk

macaroni fUCK: IT FEELS NICE

macaroni fUCK: LET ME IN MY OFFICE

little lion: fi n e

little lion: but you have to fix my chair for me

macaroni fUCK: DEAL

little lion: come in

macaroni fUCK: THANK YOU

---

johnn: I guess in hindsight it makes sense that even though thomas and alex are dating now they wouldn't stop fighting

johnn: seeing as their work lives and their relationship are completely separate things

johnn: at least until they start making out here and spending like entire days cuddling in their offices and somehow Not getting fired

johnn: but how did it take this long??

more like HUNKules: oh you put this in This group chat

johnn: alex is dating all of us, thomas is dating alex and james

jmadzzz: hello

jmadzzz: I didn't think I'd have to use my earplugs again once they started dating but here we are

more like HUNKules: how bad is it??

johnn: they are Yelling at each other

laf: it's not even like mean yelling the way they used to

laf: this is entirely sexual

johnn: it is nOT

johnn: oh wait

more like HUNKules: ??

laf: aLEX JUST DRAGGED THOMAS TO HIS OFFICE

laf: I TO LD YOU

more like HUNKules: jesus

johnn: gl burr

laf: t r u e

jmadzzz: oh dear

more like HUNKules: I'm so glad I don't work with you

laf: HA

---

aaron colder than ice: did I miss something?

little lion: burr!! it feels like I haven't talked to you in forever!!

aaron colder than ice: hello alex

aaron colder than ice: again, have I missed something?

little lion: OH

little lion: wait why is the door open I thought john put it back wrong so it wouldn't do that anymore

aaron colder than ice: thomas tried to attach air propellers to his swivel chair and ran into the door while testing it, which somehow opened it and now it won't close

little lion: a i r p r o p e l l e r s

little lion: and lmao rip

aaron colder than ice: you say that as if I'm not already dead

aaron colder than ice: despite that, that doesn't explain why you just slammed him against a wall and made out with him like his lungs were you only supply of air for the next three millennia

little lion: ,,,,,,,,

little lion: you've changed since the last time we talked

aaron colder than ice: I can only hope

little lion: I

little lion: moving on

little lion: bc we were having an Argument about literally Nothing and then he got this Look in his eyes and I Know that Look Burr

aaron colder than ice: that's disgusting

little lion: thank you

aaron colder than ice: so thomas is a part of your relationship now?

little lion: nO

little lion: I'm engaged to lafayette, john, and hercules

little lion: and then I'm Dating thomas and james

little lion: the venn diagram of those relationships starts and ends with me

little lion: don't think I haven't thought abt it though

aaron colder than ice: please don't involve me in this

little lion: you asked

aaron colder than ice: I don't like being confused

aaron colder than ice: also I find this disgusting and I just learned like four thousand new things about thomas that I didn't need

little lion: aw

little lion: also!! you double text casually now

aaron colder than ice: you're still next to me I can get to you fast enough to kill you

little lion: well then you'd have Five people after you to avenge me

aaron colder than ice: oh god

little lion: HA

---

macaroni fUCK: okay haha so yknow how I'm kind of getting married in a bit

Jane: Thomas.

Lucy: ?????WHAT

Lucy: I DIDNT KNOW THAT

Martha: yeah me and dabney got the invitation

macaroni fUCK: don't

Martha: hA

Lucy: ????WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?????

Lucy: TO???? WHO????

macaroni fUCK: ???JAMES MADISON?? THE MAN IVE BEEN DATING FOR LIT FOUR YEARS???

Lucy: I thought you were dating the other guy

Lucy: the short one?? shiny hair, looks kind of old and like a librarian??

macaroni fUCK: oh my god do you mean alex

macaroni fUCK: you've met him like six times

macaroni fUCK: also he's younger than me and yes I'm also dating him but I'm not marrying him

Lucy: wAIT YOU'RE POLY???

macaroni fUCK: you've literally known this

Lucy: EVIDENTLY I HAVENT

Lucy: SI NC E WHEN

macaroni fUCK: FUCKIGN

macaroni fUCK: OCTOBER 22, 2016 WYD

Lucy: HWAT

Jane: Did you make this group chat for a reason, Thomas?

Anna: why the fuck do you type like that

Jane: Like what?

Randolph: you disgust me

macaroni fUCK: oh my god

macaroni fUCK: YES THERE WAS A REASON @@@JANE FUCK YOU

Jane: Rude.

macaroni fUCK: OKAY SO THIS IS ABOUT ALEX

Lucy: WAIT I LIKE ALEX

macaroni fUCK: oh my god you literally sit and have tea with him Every time he is at the house I know that you like him

Lucy: we read a lot of the same books

macaroni fUCK: I know he has a rec list for you next time we go down

Lucy: yay!!

Mary: thomas

macaroni fUCK: RIGHT

macaroni fUCK: OKAY SO IM GETTING MARRIED TO JAMES BUT WE LOVE ALEX A LO T AND WE'LL PROBS BE MAKING OUT WITH HIM 16% OF THE TIME AND I DONT NEED ANY OF YOU TO ASK HIM WEIRD QUESTIONS AND EMBARRASS ME SO PLEASE DO NOT

Anna: you once came to our school place and Screamed every time we came on stage and you're getting Literally Married and you expect us not to be embarrassing

macaroni fUCK: YES

macaroni fUCK: A WEDDING IS NOT A SCHOOL PLAY

macaroni fUCK: MOM WOULD ACTUALLY BUY A DVD OF MY WEDDING

Anna: F U C K O F F

Anna: ITS BEEN SIX YEARS

macaroni fUCK: SIX YEARS AND SIXTEEN UNSPENT DOLLARS IN OUR MOTHERS DESIGNER WALLET

Anna: I HAVE DECIDED TO KILL YOU AT YOUR WEDDING

Randolph: you just announced it now he knows what to expect

Anna: FUCK

macaroni fUCK: ALSO CANT I BE A PROUD BROTHER WITHOUT IT BEING A RECEIPT

Randolph: can't we be proud of our brother for finally finding people that fucking tolerate you?

macaroni fUCK: you're 18 and I am Thirty I don't deserVe it

Randolph: debatable

macaroni fUCK: RUDE

macaroni fUCK: JUST DONT TALK TO ALEX LITERALLY ESPECIALLY NOT YOU TWO @RAGGEDY ANN AND RANDY

Anna: WE FUCKIGN GN GAVE UP ON THOSE NICKENAME S

macaroni fUCK: ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ALEX IS THAT HES LIT MY AGE, WE LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND YOUR APPROVAL OF HIM IS NOT ONLY NO T NEEDED BUT ALSO WILL NOT CHANGE ANYTHING, HES LIKE 5'7" AND VERY SWEET BC UNBEKNOWNST TO YOU PEOPLE, I DONT DATE MONSTERS

Lucy: also any book you ask him abt he's probably read

macaroni fUCK: AND ALSO HES MARRIED TO THREE OTHER PEOPLE, TWO OF WHICH LOOK LIKE ME AND JAMES RESPECTIVELY, THE THIRD IS AROUND HIS HEIGHT AND HAS V CURLY HAIR AND HE'S BEEN DATING THEM FOR SEVEN YEARS, ENGAGED FOR TWO YEARS, AND MARRIED FOR LIKE ONE

Mary: we've met him before why are you so scared of this

macaroni fUCK: IVE DATED PEOPLE BEFORE WHERE YOU LITERALLY HAVE EMBARRASSED ME SO MUCH THAT THEY BROKE UP WITH ME

Jane: Sources?

Randolph: oh my god please type like a person with a personality

Anna: she has to Have a personality for that

Jane: I fucking hate you both.

Randolph: OH NOW WE'RE GOING

Jane: No, we're not, because I don't have time for my siblings who are 15 years my junior and think that they're somehow better than me despite just barely passing school and still struggling to get into college. Not to mention that, besides your mediocre and disappointing school ability, you have no other hobbies or skills other than tormenting people that you think are below you

Anna: I

Anna: we just got killed randy

Randolph: I,,am aware of that

Randolph: but she makes a point what could we be with that skill set

Anna: politicians

Randolph: y e s

Martha: don't even think about it

Jane: Thomas, you haven't answered my question.

macaroni fUCK: fine

macaroni fUCK: once when you asked that girl I once dated all those invasive questions and she never spoke to me again and blocked me on myspace

Martha: MYSPACE HOLY SHIT

macaroni fUCK: YES MYSPACE THIS WAS FUCKIGN 2005 I WAS 16

Jane: That was one time.

macaroni fUCK: our old neighbor that I liked so I invited her over and you fucking showed her pictures of my skateboarding phase and then told her people I fought with, which included her best friend, so she got mad, slapped me, and then never spoke to me again

Mary: lmao she married that guy

Mary: like the best friend that you fought, she married him

macaroni fUCK: that's cool but I was So Upset

macaroni fUCK: and if I'm upset but someone who literally slapped me and dumped me after one dinner with all of You people

macaroni fUCK: how do you think I'm going to feel if you literally Ruin the relationship I have with one of the loves of my life

Martha: you're deadass serious abt this aren't you

macaroni fUCK: YES

macaroni fUCK: HE IS THE LOVE!! OF!! MY!! ENTIRE!! LIFE!!

macaroni fUCK: DO NOT RUIN THIS FOR ME

Anna: if he really loves you he wouldn't care what we ask him

macaroni fUCK: first of all Don't fucking put him in the position

macaroni fUCK: second of all if I really loved him I'd try and protect him from my family

macaroni fUCK: and I reALLY LOVE HIM

Mary: you really want us to not talk to him?

macaroni fUCK: I WOULD PREFER IT

Jane: Thomas you're being irrational.

macaroni fUCK: I KNOW BUT PLEASE

Lucy: can I talk to him??

macaroni fUCK: yes of course you're my fave and he likes you

Anna: can me and randy talk to him

macaroni fUCK: n o

Anna: PLEASE I WANT TO SEE WHO THIS GUY IS

macaroni fUCK: I ALREADY SAID WHO HE WAS

Anna: DID YOU REALLY THO

macaroni fUCK: YES HES VERY SOFT AND SWEET AND CHARMING WITH A CUTE EVERYTHING AND IS JUST GENERALLY SMART AS HELL AND ADORABLE

Randolph: gross

macaroni fUCK: EXCUSE ME

---

jmadzzz: we need to stop going to our private chats when we talk about how attractive we find each other

macaroni fUCK: alexander's legs are not Attractive they are Immaculate how Dare You ignore them like this

jmadzzz: thomas we've both agreed that alex's legs are past the point of Perfection and that no words could properly describe their magnificence but at the same time we have a Literal group chat where we can talk about this and make alex blush when he reads the messages back later

jmadzzz: and alex blushing is a topic we've discussed Extensively here

macaroni fUCK: yes but then he uses it against us bc he knows how much he Kills Us

jmadzzz: okay

jmadzzz: fair

macaroni fUCK: wait you and alex do this with me???

jmadzzz: of course?? have you Seen You

macaroni fUCK: what the fuck do you even talk about I wear the same suit like everyday but in different colors and literally Nothing Else

jmadzzz: excUSE ME

jmadzzz: ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL AND OUTSTANDINGLY GORGEOUS AT ALL TIMES, YOU FORCED US TO GO ROLLERSKATING WITH YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY AND WE DIDNT LEAVE ALIVE

macaroni fUCK: OH MY GOD REALLY

macaroni fUCK: I DIDNT KNOW WHY YOU WERE SO !!!

jmadzzz: OKAY YOU DONT JUST GET PULLED INTO A BATHROOM BY YOUR BOYFRIENDS AND THEN DO WHAT WE DID AND N O T KNOW WHY

jmadzzz: YOU DONT GET TO WEAR THIGH HIGHS AND JEAN SHORTS AND THEN HAVE TWO LIVING BOYFRIENDS YOU JUST CANT

macaroni fUCK: you made me keep the thigh highs on when we got home

macaroni fUCK: Just the thigh highs

jmadzzz: you didn't seem to hate it when you literally couldn't Form Words

macaroni fUCK: I should buy more of those

jmadzzz: it's like you Want us dead

macaroni fUCK: oh darling

macaroni fUCK: when I wear thigh highs you and alex are Anything but dead

macaroni fUCK: maybe the next time I wear them, and there Will Be a next time, I can get alex to wear his garter belt and see how long it takes you to pass out

macaroni fUCK: or just forget how to speak

jmadzzz: that's only happened once

macaroni fUCK: it was very cute

jmadzzz: it wasn't

macaroni fUCK: love you!!

jmadzzz: ,,,,,,,

jmadzzz: love you too

macaroni fUCK: !!!

---

the coolest brother you got: lafayette what's your last name

laf: Lafayette

the coolest brother you got: then what's your first name

laf: a curse

---

macaroni fUCK: save me

jmadzzz: same

little lion: oh loves you know I would if I could

macaroni fUCK: can I yell rn

little lion: of course

jmadzzz: go for it love

macaroni fUCK: right thank you I love you

little lion: love you too

macaroni fUCK: thANKSGIVING IS HELL AND I HA T E IT

macaroni fUCK: NOT ONLY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THESE HEOPLE (((HELL PEOPLE)))

macaroni fUCK: I DONT GET TO SEE EITHER OF YOU A T ALL OR ACTUALLY TALK TO YOU UNTIL I GET A SPARE TWO SECONDS WHICH IS R U DE BC THEY MAKE ME SO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU MAKE ME SO !!! AND THEYRE TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT EMOTIONS

macaroni fUCK: CAN WE GO ON A DATE WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER AGAIN

jmadzzz: HONESTLY SAME LIKE PLEASE

little lion: oh I'm the decider on this??

little lion: of course!! but literally every time you get home from virginia, we always end up passing out in your living room in matching sweaters after doing Nothing and eating Copious quantities of lo mein

macaroni fUCK: that counts as a date

jmadzzz: and it's also tradition now

little lion: I am completely fine with that and Wait for the day you come home

macaroni fUCK: oh my g o d they won't stop yelling at each other

macaroni fUCK: except lucy, she's reading and also my favorite

little lion: !!! I read that book she told me about and I Cried for three hours

jmadzzz: that's so cute

macaroni fUCK: I miss you both so much

little lion: I miss you too!!

jmadzzz: miss you!!

macaroni fUCK: !!!

macaroni fUCK: also how are either of you texting me with Legions of people in your house

jmadzzz: they're cleaning up and putting stuff away in the kitchen and I'm still now allowed in there

little lion: we're all in christmas sweaters watching christmas movies bc it's nine o'clock and thanksgiving is #Over

macaroni fUCK: can't I just do that

macaroni fUCK: like why do I have to be Dying

little lion: next year love

macaroni fUCK: wait really

little lion: if you want to then of course

macaroni fUCK: I mean like

macaroni fUCK: would your signifs be okay with that?? would your family be okay with that??

little lion: of course!!

little lion: and you don't have to!! I don't want to pressure you into anything

little lion: but if you do!! just tell me next year

macaroni fUCK: you don't have to do that

little lion: I want to

little lion: you shouldn't have to be with your family if they Drain you and you Hate it, and bc you won't let me and/or james Kill Them, I officially invite you to the laurens-hamilton-mulligan-lafayette family thanksgiving 2019

little lion: you too james omg!! you don't Yell as much but I know how utterly Dead you are when you come back and you don't deserve it and I love you so much

jmadzzz: I love you too but my family may still kill me

little lion: your choice love

jmadzzz: thank you

macaroni fUCK: wait will we even be Back by thanksgiving next year

little lion: I

jmadzzz: well our wedding is november 16th, and we leave the next day for our honeymoon, probs not staying there until the 28th

macaroni fUCK: Can We

jmadzzz: n o

little lion: omg I'm going to miss you so much when you're in paris

little lion: send me pictures though!!

macaroni fUCK: I??? you're coming with us???

little lion: wait what

little lion: reALLY

jmadzzz: oF COURSE

jmadzzz: WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH

little lion: I love you too but you Don't have to do this

macaroni fUCK: we want to!!

little lion: but that's like!! your thing!! it's not mine to intrude on

jmadzzz: it's Our thing

jmadzzz: and you're part of Us

little lion: I

macaroni fUCK: you don't have to say anything right now

little lion: I want to go

macaroni fUCK: RELALLY

little lion: yes but Only if you're Sure you want me to and if you let me teach you french

macaroni fUCK: I cAN SPEAK PERFECT FRENCH

little lion: THOMAS DEAREST I LOVE YOU BUT YOU C A N T

macaroni fUCK: RUD E

jmadzzz: HA

little lion: OKAY AS MUCH I DO LOVE THE TWO OF YOU AND AM APPARENTLY GOING TO PARIS WITH YOU??? WHICH IS SUPER COOL TRUST ME IM V EXCITED, SOMETHING WENT WRONG AND THERE IS HOT CHOCOLATE EVERYWHERE AND LAF IS IN HERCULES' ARMS SCREAMING AND I HAVE TO GO

little lion: PLEASE DO NOT LET THIS AFFECT YOUR THOUGHTS ON COMING TO OUR THANKSGIVING NEXT YEAR THIS DIDNT HAPPEN LAST YEASKHKASHDKSA I JUST HEARD GLASS SHATETRING I GOTT A GO

jmadzzz: I

jmadzzz: godspeed darling

little lion: THANK YOU

---

more like HUNKules: haha so okay

more like HUNKules: do n 't freak out

laf: Panic Mode Activated

more like HUNKules: nO NO NO

more like HUNKules: ITS NOT THAT BAD

laf: mgmmgnngngn,gn,gn,ngmgnmngmgmn,

more like HUNKules: okay so like what if I told you we own a boat now

little lion: I

johnn: exCUSE ME

more like HUNKules: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

more like HUNKules: IVE BEEN G I V E N A BOAT

johnn: hercules

little lion: honey

laf: W H A T

more like HUNKules: WILLIAM AND MARY DECIDED THAT THEYRE TOO OLD TO OWN A BOAT RN BC THEY DONT ""GIVE HER THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES"" SO THEYRE GIVING IT TO ME

more like HUNKules: AND I HAVENT SAID YES YET SO YOU HAVE TO REPLY SOON

johnn: we don't know how to take care of oR drive a boat

more like HUNKules: okay so according to william, all boat maitenance is ""taken care of"", which scares me, and I'll explain the rest of it when we get home

laf: I'm for it

more like HUNKules: REALLY

laf: yes but only bc I have Many summer clothes I never get to wear

laf: get ready for sundresses

more like HUNKules: oh dear

johnn: A Boat

more like HUNKules: yes

johnn: A

johnn: Boat

more like HUNKules: y e s

johnn: okay

more like HUNKules: so that's a yes right?

johnn: yes

johnn: I am 63% Ready to become a boat husband

more like HUNKules: I

johnn: rapidly approaching 100% every time I think about laf in sundresses

laf: I'm flattered

johnn: I love you

laf: I love you too!!

little lion: I support it For you, but personally I want no part of it

little lion: but I want You to have it

more like HUNKules: are you okay love

little lion: yes!! I'm fine!! I'm v excited for you and your Boatventures but at the same time I do not Want to take part in said boatventures

johnn: are you sure

little lion: y e s

little lion: maybe one day, but idk probs not anytime soon

laf: that's fine love

laf: @hercules: accept the boat

johnn: !!!

more like HUNKules: yAY!!

laf: !!!

little lion: !!!!!

---

laf: can I have our kids call me Overlord

little lion: yes

more like HUNKules: OF COURSE

johnn: I SUPPORT IT

laf: I

laf: I was kidding but Okay

johnn: we support you overlord

little lion: if we went with that, wouldn't you calling laf overlord be the equivalent of calling someone daddy

laf: I want a divorce @both of you

johnn: same @alex

little lion: rt @john

more like HUNKules: okay none of you, based on our past, have any room to talk abt this

little lion: ANYWAY

---

little lion: HERCULES IS A FILTHY LIAR

more like HUNKules: IM NOT

little lion: YOU JUST SAID YOUR MUSCLES ARE LOSING DEFINITION AND HOW YOU AREN'T AS MUSCULAR AS YOU USED TO BE LIKE HUSH

more like HUNKules: ITS NOT NECESSARILY LIKE A BAD THING LIKE I JUST DONT REALLY LOOK THE SAME WAY THAT I DID WHEN I WAS 23

little lion: but you want to

more like HUNKules: it would be nice

little lion: you're beautiful no matter what

more like HUNKules: I love you

little lion: I love you too, and I meant what I said

more like HUNKules: I know

more like HUNKules: and if I do actually start going Back to the gym it will be bc this is something I want to do, not because I want to be like I was a few years ago

little lion: good bc you're gorgeous and you don't Need to change

little lion: actually wait but seriously if you all start going to the gym

little lion: keep your fitness stuff aT THE GYM

little lion: we are not becoming a kale family I swear to god I'm not doing it

laf: kale is actually kind of good if you just give it a chance

little lion: BLOCKED

little lion: I WANT TO CONTINUE TO EAT CHEESE CURLS FOR AS LONG AS MY HEART BEATS AND YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO STOP ME

little lion: IF ANY ONE OF YOU EVER COME HOME AND GO ""I think we should cut sugar out of our diet"" ILL WILL WAIT UNTIL YOU FALL ASLEEP AND THEN I WILL ROLL YOUR BODY OUT TO THE BALCONY AND L O C K YOU THERE UNTIL YOU ST AR VE

johnn: have you seen any of us before?? sugar is an Always

little lion: GOD BLESS

---

more like HUNKules: you all speak different languages around our house sm why don't you ever text them

johnn: bc you'd take forty years to respond switching between the chat and google translate

more like HUNKules: I

laf: I would speak french here but my phone always corrects it bc it hates me

little lion: you can fix that love

laf: reALLY

johnn: bab e

laf: !!! I did it

laf: je t‘aime plus que tout!!

little lion: you're so fucking cute

laf: ah!!

more like HUNKules: I understand the I love you part but nothing else

johnn: ""I love you more than anything!!""

more like HUNKules: oh!!

more like HUNKules: we love you too!!

johnn: love you lafayette!!

little lion: love you!!

laf: !!!

---

little lion: !!DID YOU HEAR!!

johnn: ???

laf: ??

little lion: BURR AND MISS BARTOW ARE ADOPTING A CHILD!!!!

laf: WHAT

little lion: YE APPARENTLY IDK I JUST OVERHEARD THIS CONVERSATION BUT THE CHILDS NAME IS ALSO THEO WHICH I DONT UNDERSTAND BUT I LOVE AND I MIGHT EXPLODE

more like HUNKules: aHHHHH!!!

more like HUNKules: also I see the trend of being white suburban moms gossiping at a water cooler has continued

laf: we are Still city-living poc with no children

more like HUNKules: and you are sTILL not letting me make my comparisons

laf: WOW

---

laf: now that I think about it, why don't we make out in broom closets anymore

johnn: we lost all of our dignity and just started making out in our offices

laf: right

little lion: I can't tell whether that's risky or not

laf: oh it is but we just,,,,don't,,,,care,,,,

laf: we should probably be more concerned about that

johnn: true

little lion: honestly??

laf: ,,,,,wanna make out in my office??

little lion: omw

johnn: same

---

more like HUNKules: why don't we paint the room yellow

laf: no

laf: never

more like HUNKules: but yellow is ~~calming~~

laf: I don't trUST IT

more like HUNKules: LAFAYETTE JUST BC ONE CHILD IN THAT YOUTUBE VIDEO YOU WATCHED THAT ONE TIME HATED THE COLOR YELLOW DOES N O T MEAN OUR CHILD W ILL

laf: THE MOM ENDED UP EA T ING HER BABY I CANT DO THAT

more like HUNKules: DO YOU PLAN TO CANNIBALIZE OUR CHILD, WHO IS LITERALLY SIX YEARS OLD BTW AND N OT A BABY

laf: NE VE R

laf: SHE'LL ALWAYS BE A BABY TO ME TF??

more like HUNKules: Y ELL!! OW!!

laf: N O

little lion: what if we do like a bright green

laf: ALEXANDER I LOVE YOU BUT THAT IS THE W O R ST IDEA

little lion: R U D E

---

jmadzzz: why did I just hear plates shattering

jmadzzz: and it better be good bc it woke me up

macaroni fUCK: I just accidentally proposed to alex haha

macaroni fUCK: as one does yknow hahahahhahhaha

jmadzzz: I

jmadzzz: who dropped the plate you or him

macaroni fUCK: I diD

jmadzzz: where are you now

macaroni fUCK: SITTING ON THE FLOOR OUTSIDE OF OUR BEDROOM

jmadzzz: okay now What Happened

macaroni fUCK: FUCKIGN!!

macaroni fUCK: I WOKE UP AND HE WASNT THERE SO I WAS LIKE ??? AND I WENT TO GO LOOK FOR HIM AND HE WAS COOKING AND I WAS LIKE !! YOU DIDNT HAVE TO !! BC !! HE DIDNT HAVE TO !! AND HES SO CUTE AND HE SAID HE WANTED TO AND I GOT ALL OF THE PLATES AND STUFF OUT AND HE HANDED ME ONE AND SMILED AND I WAS JUST SO FUCKING FLOORED

macaroni fUCK: I LITERALLY STARTED CRYING THIS WAS SO REAL

macaroni fUCK: IT WAS LIKE ONE SINGLE TEAR AND I WHISPERED ""marry me"" AND HE TURNED AROUND LIKE ????WHAT???? AND I DROPPED THE PLATE AND TOLD HIM TO PLEASE JUST STAY THERE AND ILL CLEAN UP THE PLATE LATER AND I RAN TO OUR ROOM BUT THE DOOR IS LOCKED

jmadzzz: I

macaroni fUCK: COME LET ME IN

jmadzzz: coming

macaroni fUCK: okAY

macaroni fUCK: I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

little lion: thomas

macaroni fUCK: ALEX

little lion: you literally put this in our group chat I don't know how you expected I wouldn't see this

macaroni fUCK: IM SO SORRY

little lion: you're fine thomas omg

macaroni fUCK: WE'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT FOR SO LONG I GUESS IT KIND OF ALL CAUGHT UP WITH ME

jmadzzz: okay thomas I love you but Why do you have to expose me like this

little lion: wAIT YOUVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS?? FOR HOW L ONG

macaroni fUCK: ,,,,,,your wedding,,,

little lion: THAT WAS ALMOST A YEAR A G O

little lion: AND YOU DIDN T TELL ME???

jmadzzz: WE DIDNT KNOW WHEN TO BRING IT UP

little lion: oh my god

macaroni fUCK: you don't have to say anything yet

little lion: I'm not going to marry you

little lion: and don't take this the wrong way I love you both so much with my entire heart please don't forget that but if we got married I wouldn't be able to be as Present in your lives as I'd like to be or give you as much Time as you actually deserve from someone you're married to

little lion: being your boyfriend is serious, I've always seen it that way, but it's Completely different if I'm your husband, and I'm sorry but I cannot handle being married to both you two and my spouses

little lion: I'm sorry

jmadzzz: alex you don't have to be sorry that's completely understandable

little lion: I'll leave if you want me to??

little lion: I cleaned up the plate anyway even though you told me you'd do it btw

macaroni fUCK: you don't have to leave

macaroni fUCK: I mean

macaroni fUCK: uhm

jmadzzz: we still want to date you, even if you don't marry us, so if You want to continue dating Us then you don't have to leave

macaroni fUCK: yes that thank you james

little lion: I

little lion: I love you so much I'm sorry that I can't marry you

macaroni fUCK: you don't have to be sorry love

little lion: I'm crying on your floor bc I don't want to leave

jmadzzz: you don't have!! to!!

little lion: I'm coming in your room because you deserve to not have me text this to you

macaroni fUCK: oh

---

little lion: I'll be home soon

laf: I thought you were stay and thomas and james' house??

little lion: we kind of broke up??

laf: oh alexander

johnn: kind of??

little lion: thomas proposed to me, and I said I couldn't balance being married to both you and them, so I said no

little lion: and then they said that we didn't have to break up and I fucking wanted that so bad but !! they want to marry me, and I Can't marry them, and they don't deserve that

little lion: so I told them that and that I loved them and then I left and it hurts so bad I'm crying on the floor of their elevator I don't even Care that someone could get on rn I just need to be hugged for like six million years please

more like HUNKules: of course alexander

johnn: we'll make hot chocolate and we can just watch the golden girls if you want

little lion: please

laf: are you driving home??

little lion: no they picked me up so I'm just taking a cab home I'll be there soon

more like HUNKules: we love you

little lion: I love you too

---

macaroni fUCK: so,,,he didn't find a ring bc there wasn't one to find

macaroni fUCK: but he said no And broke up with us

jmadzzz: I kinda just want to go back to sleep now

macaroni fUCK: same

macaroni fUCK: this is all my fault

jmadzzz: love

macaroni fUCK: it is!! I can't think Once before speaking Ever and now alex broke up with us and this hurts so Fucking Much

jmadzzz: you didn't do anything wrong love

jmadzzz: he couldn't handle being married to five people, which is completely understandable, and you proposing Later in our relationship with him wouldn't have changed that, we would've always wanted to marry him, and he would've never been able to

macaroni fUCK: I know you're right

macaroni fUCK: but I also know that you're doing this so you don't start crying

jmadzzz: can you hug me please

macaroni fUCK: of course