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“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Apollo takes a deep breath and rolls up the sleeves of his shirt. It’s an old habit - kind of like a defense maneuver. It’s supposed to set people on edge, even though, deep down, he knows he couldn’t actually do a damn thing to defend himself.
“I’m in love with you.”
The silence in the room is deafening, and Apollo continues to stare ahead. He’s holding onto his resolve. It’s all he has left. The spell is broken when his alarm starts chirping obnoxiously. He’s alone in his room – staring into a mirror.
It’s as pathetic as it sounds.
Apollo murmurs a curse and slings his coat over his shoulder before stepping out of his apartment and readying himself for the day.
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See, the thing is, Apollo has never been very good at feeling things. So, when Phoenix and Edgeworth started seeing each other, it rocked Apollo to his core. He couldn’t go more than an hour at a time without thinking about him. Apollo had had a crush on Phoenix Wright since he was a little boy.
And somewhere along the way, that crush had gotten a bit out of hand.
Apollo watches Phoenix from where he’s sitting at his desk. The older man is talking animatedly with someone else on the other line. It’s Edgeworth, Apollo thinks bitterly. It’s always him.
The thing is – Apollo doesn’t doubt that Phoenix would refuse him if Apollo were to tell him how he felt. He’d do it in a kind, gentle way, as he does with most things pertaining the heart. But he wouldn’t love him back.
So, in summary, Apollo’s pining was doing nothing but making him feel miserable.
He was getting kind of tired of daydreaming.
Phoenix hangs up the phone and leans back against the back of the couch with a heavy sigh. Apollo watches the soft rise and fall of his chest and wonders what it would be like to rest his head against it.
A bad train of thought, for sure.
“You know something Apollo?” Phoenix asks, suddenly, causing Apollo to jump. Phoenix chuckles as if he can see the blush on Apollo’s cheeks, which is completely absurd considering he’s facing in the opposite direction.
“What?” Apollo asks, having long since abandoned any sort of professional tone. They were past that stage in their relationship, for sure.
“-I’m in the mood for a drink,” he responds after a pause; Apollo feels mildly suspicious, “care to join me?”
Apollo sets down the paperwork in his hands and runs a hand through his hair. Does he want to get drinks with Phoenix? Is the sky blue? Is the grass green?
“Yeah, sure,” He says, trying not to sound too desperate. He can practically feel Phoenix's smile.
----------
“What can I get for you?” Phoenix asks, still smiling. Apollo feels unnerved. There must be a reason.
“I can get it, don’t worry about it.” Apollo says but Phoenix shakes his head and waves down the bar tender.
“Scotch – two, please.”
Apollo blinks, wide eyed. He wants to say something about it being too early in the day for scotch, and the fact that he still has work to do. But, something in the deep, dreary look in Phoenix’s eyes, coupled with the deep pain in Apollo’s chest closes his mouth like a steel trap.
“What’s up, Phoenix?” Apollo asks, breaking the silence building between them. Phoenix grimaces and thanks the bartender when he brings him their drinks. He sips solemnly – they both do.
“I know, Polly,” he says, as if that’s enough. And, Apollo knows exactly what he’s talking about, but he’s going to play ignorant anyway because he’s earned the right to play that card by now.
“Know what?” Apollo asks, taking another sip of his drink. It burns and he’s never liked scotch but he doesn’t think there’s a drink strong enough to calm the wild thumping of his heart at this point.
“You’re in love with me.”
It’s not like he expected Phoenix to say anything else. He had said the words in his head a million times every morning for Pete’s sake. Still, hearing it aloud sets every nerve in his body aflame.
“I’m no-“
“Apollo.”
He grips his drink in his hand and pointedly avoids the sharp intensity of his boss’s stare.
“It doesn’t matter,” Apollo murmurs, not enjoying the pity he assumes Phoenix is sending his way, “You don’t have to say anything.”
Phoenix puts a hand on his shoulder and Apollo flinches. Phoenix still hasn’t taken a sip of his drink.
“It matters, Apollo,” he whispers, sending a chill down Apollo’s spine, “you’re miserable.”
Apollo shakes his head viciously. There’s no way he knows that. NO way no way no way.
“I’m fine.”
He slams his drink on the table and pulls away from Phoenix like he’s fire.
“I’m going back to the office. I’ll see you there.”
He goes to reach for his wallet that’s sitting on the table, but Phoenix murmurs something and grabs on to his wrist. Apollo jerks his head to stare at his boss, wide eyed and unbelievably embarrassed.
“You’re not going anywhere. Not until we talk about this.”
Apollo jerks his wrist away and closes in on himself – feeling the tears gather against his will. He doesn’t want to talk about this. Phoenix isn’t a mirror, and Apollo can’t run away this time.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You know that’s not true.”
Apollo blinks away his tears and clenches his fists.
“You’re with Edgeworth.”
Phoenix’s eyebrows push together and he runs a hand through his hair. He looks confused and it pisses Apollo off.
“You don’t have the right to look confused,” Apollo shouts, forgetting the extent to which his voice carries. “You don’t have the right to look at me like that!”
At this point he can feel numerous eyes staring at him. However, he doesn’t have half the mind to pay attention to the self-conscious part of his brain.
“I’m not with Miles, Apollo.”
He looks sincere. He’s so calm.
Apollo breathes in and out, heavy, and, slowly, carefully, sits down. He isn’t with Edgeworth? It doesn’t make sense. They talk all the time. He spends almost every day by the man’s side. He’s been there since the beginning. He’s so much more than Apollo could ever hope to be.
“I don’t understand.”
Phoenix smiles shyly, and reaches forward to place a hand on Apollo’s knee. He flinches involuntarily.
“Please don’t flinch away from me.” Phoenix murmurs – a sad look in his eyes.
“I never meant for you to feel so hurt – I just had to be sure that I –“ Apollo’s eyes grow wide at Phoenix’s words and he scarcely breathes. It’s like a spell has been cast. It’s like the feeling he gets when he’s daydreaming in front of his mirror in the morning, except this time he feels like he might not be daydreaming at all.
“Polly,” Phoenix starts, reaching up to run a hand across Apollo’s cheek. It would be so easy to fall into his trap – to fall into his movements, but Apollo refuses. He’s waited this long. He’s not going to be a coward this time.
“Wait, Mr. Wright,” Apollo lets the title slip and blushes at the way Phoenix smiles, “I have something I need to tell you.”
Phoenix nods for him to continue, and Apollo takes a deep breath – the kind you feel all the way down to the tips of your toes. Phoenix rubs his knee soothingly, and Apollo’s cheeks flush deeply.
He wrinkles up his nose.
“I’m in love with you.”
He lets out his breath and smiles.
When Phoenix kisses him for the first time, he closes his eyes impossibly tight. And he starts crying because dammit he’s so, so tired of daydreaming.