Archive of Our Own

The Hootenanny had to be the worst possible name Laura could think of for a bar. ‘I’m a bartender at The Hootenanny’ had to be one of the worst possible answers to the question of where one worked. Laura forced herself to practice it in the mirror before every shift, while she adjusted her dumb cowboy hat and tied the ends of her even dumber plaid shirt so some of her midriff showed (as required per the employee handbook). Then she raised her head high, taking a deep breath before marching out to be hit on for six hours, at least, six nights a week.

She supposed she was in no position to complain. Laura could afford a place to live. She had a car. She managed to hold onto to at least some shred of self respect--although the job was working on that, bit by bit, but Laura refused to lose it. And Laura liked to people watch, anyway, which was a nice way to pass the time during nights that weren’t so busy.

“Hey, Laura!”

“Carmilla, hey! Just a sec.”

Laura liked Carmilla well enough as a regular customer. And Carmilla liked her--well, as much as she could like anyone--because Laura made sure to ward off men that wanted to buy her a drink. Carmilla also tipped well, especially when her girlfriend came with her, which was more often than not.

“What'll you--”

“Bourbon shots.”

“...Okay. How many?”

Carmilla tapped an agitated rhythm against the bartop. “Ten. Line them all up in front of me, right here.”

Laura's eyes widened. “Right. Sure.”

Laura started to grab the glasses. “So,” she started to line the glasses up, “sharing these with anybody? Where's Ell?”

“Fuck if I know,” Carmilla answered, “Georgia, I assume.”

“Visiting family? Right, isn't she from...?”

“Peachtree Corners,” Carmilla answered blandly.

Laura nodded. Ell was the type of aggressively southern person that would live in a town called Peachtree Corners. Laura also heard Ell and Carmilla bicker a lot, over drinks, about going to visit. Carmilla hated Ell's family or something.

“Well, sorry. When will she be back?”

“I don't know; I assume never.”

Laura paused, starting to tip her bottle over the first shot glass. “Never?”

“Nope.” Carmilla grabbed the first glass and downed it. “I got dumped!”

“She dumped you?”

“That she did, Cupcake. Now fill my next glass.”

Laura chewed her lip. “Um, I don't know if it's a good idea--”

“Christ, I'll take a cab or an Uber home or whatever, just give me the booze.”

Laura swallowed, but she filled another glass. “Carmilla, I'm so sorry. If you don't mind me asking...did she say why?”

She had seen them only a few nights ago. And Laura guessed it made sense, that they weren't at each other's throats in public, but they seemed happy. Ell certainly didn't give off a ‘I'm about to dump my girlfriend and move to Georgia’ vibe, even while Carmilla was in the restroom and she was alone at the bar.

“Just that she was making all the sacrifices in our relationship, I was insensitive, blah blah blah she took an assistant editing job back home and left me.”

Laura was starting to think that Carmilla had already been a little tipsy before she showed up, because her words were already slurring, and she definitely was way more loose-lipped than usual. Usually without Ell’s prompting Carmilla only really spoke to Laura in a series of monosyllabic words or word-ish sounding noises, mixed with the names of pastries Laura had inferred were meant to refer to her. Basically, Carmilla was kind of like having a cat around that only cared about Laura providing her food.

So she was not really sure what she should do. Let Carmilla keep ranting? Try and get her to go home? Commiserate?

Laura tried ‘commiserate.’

“Hey,” Laura said, leaning on the counter toward her, “I broke up with my college girlfriend to move here. Breakups suck.”

“No shit Lauronica Mars,” Carmilla snapped.

Laura suddenly felt way less bad about giving Carmilla way too much to drink. She topped off the rest of the shot glasses.

“Hey,” Laura turned to one of the other bartenders, “don’t give her anymore to drink, and call her a cab if she stays until closing, okay?”

She went to take care of another customer, and left Carmilla to mope by herself.

***

Carmilla kept coming back.

It seemed strange at first, because between friendly conversations with Ell, Carmilla always complained about the overabundance of male testosterone and loud country music; Ell loved that it reminded her of home and forced Carmilla to return week after week. But Carmilla had, apparently, ‘acquired a taste’ for it. So every day, presumably after going to whatever job she had, Carmilla would sit at the same stool right at the end of the bar.

At first she'd get totally smashed. Usually around her fourth shot she'd start ranting. Laura listened; Carmilla seemed to tip her better when she did, as if she subconsciously knew Laura deserved money for putting up with it.

“She had the worst family,” she'd slur, “they hated me. I can't believed she actually likes being related to them. I don't need to listen to her mom asking me when I'm gonna get a real job. News flash, lady, you're unemployed and your major in college was Brit lit. And her great uncle, he gave me a Bible as a Christmas gift, talk about a bunch of petty, passive aggressive…”

At some point she'd get so drunk she'd lose her train of thought--at which point Laura called her a cab and helped her get home.

She started only having four shots instead of ten. Then she started actually managing to leave without getting drunk at all. Laura couldn't help but feel proud when, after a few months, Carmilla even brought a date with her sometimes--although Laura never saw any of them a second time.

So Carmilla was doing well.

Until, a year and a half later, Carmilla walked back into the bar, sat down, and didn’t wait before she announced, “shots.”

Laura stopped cleaning a glass and looked at her. “Shots…?”

“I don’t care what they are, I just want a lot of them. Come on.”

Laura poured one. “Carmilla, what’s wrong?”

She was holding a scrap of paper in her hand. She looked at it, then at the glass. “Doesn’t matter.”

Laura grabbed it before Carmilla could.

“HEY!”

“Carmilla, no. You’re not drowning your sorrows in alcohol! That isn’t healthy!”

“You’re a bartender! Tend to me!”

“I am tending to you.”

Carmilla got out of her seat and reached for the glass; Laura held her back. “Carmilla, I have watched you slowly get over having your heart broken for over a year, I don’t care how upset you are about whatever happened, but I am not letting you fall off the wagon! Now I know we are not friends, but you’ve been doing really well--”

“You’re right, we’re not friends; just give me the glass!”

In a last fit of desperation, Laura drank it herself.

“Hah! No alcohol for you--”

“Ell got engaged, alright?”

Laura's eyes widened. “Wait, what?”

“My ex. Got engaged. To someone else.”

Carmilla's head fell on the bartop, and she held up the scrap of paper. Laura grabbed it.

“Is this an engagement announcement…?”

“I ran into a college friend who was invited. I looked it up when she told me because I hate myself or something. There it is.”

She gestured vaguely with her hand, not lifting her head. Laura read it.

Roseanne and Robert Applewhite are pleased to announce the engagement of their daughter, Elizabeth Jane Applewhite--

“‘Elizabeth Jane?’”

“I mentioned once her mom majored in Brit lit,” Carmilla mumbled.

“Carmilla, I understand this hurts,” Laura looked back at the announcement, “but maybe this is a sign for you to move on--”

--to Miss Danny Lawrence, daughter of--

Laura stopped. She let the paper flutter to the ground. She grabbed the liquor bottle. Carmilla glanced up and saw Laura filling a glass.

“Finally, thank you.”

Laura didn't react. She sat down next to Carmilla at the bar and drank.

Carmilla shrugged and reached for the bottle.

***

“We dated for two years. Danny was amazing and gorgeous and smart and now she’s engaged. To someone else!”

Laura was totally getting fired if her boss knew what she was doing; she didn’t care. She was too busy clinking glasses with Carmilla, who somehow managed to stay mostly sober; although it might have just been a higher tolerance. She didn’t seem to be drinking less than Laura. Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“Two years? Please. Ell and I dated for five. Five years. And we lived together. And--and this lady. How long does it take to plan a wedding? They couldn’t have been dating more than a year! Who the fuck rebounds after a five year relationship that quickly?”

“Yep. She’s awful,” Laura agreed, taking a sip from her glass. Carmilla ran a hand through her hair.

“So...you dated her fiancée, huh?”

“What gave it away? The fact that I said so?”

“Whoa, no need to get bitchy on me; I’m on your side.”

“You do it all the time!”

Carmilla actually looked thoughtful for a moment. “...Fair point.” She poured herself another glass. “Our lives suck!”

“Here here!”

They clinked glasses. “You know what Ell liked to call me? She liked to call me ‘Darcy.’ ‘Cause she was Elizabeth and I was her Darcy and we were going to be together forever and shit. Now she’s stuck marrying some boring William Collins or George Wickham or--or some other person that isn’t me.”

“Hey, Danny isn’t boring,” Laura warned, “I won’t have you insulting my taste.”

“I saw the picture of them that came with the announcement, I will admit she did not look half bad,” Carmilla admitted, “are you sure it’s the same one?”

“‘Daughter of Rebecca and Judd Lawrence, from Boston Massachusetts? Nope, I’m definitely not wrong. I met Danny at Boston University after I transferred.”

Laura moved her glass back and forth, sinking lower onto the table, sighing. “You know what’s the worst part for me?” Laura continued, “it wasn’t even a bad breakup. We were in love and everything. But I got offered an internship and it was such a great opportunity, I couldn’t say no. And we broke up. I broke up with someone I loved and now the internship is over, I wear this for a living,” Laura took off her cowboy hat, “and I’m clearly not over her, because otherwise I wouldn’t be so upset that they are getting married,” Laura looked at the announcement again, “on Valentine’s Day. Oh man, I forgot that was Wednesday. Wow, that’s romantic. I just wish I could go back and change everything…”

“I just wish I could tell Ell that she is a bitch,” Carmilla sighed wistfully. Both of them wore matching, wistful expressions, glasses in their hands.

Carmilla lifted her head first.

“...Wait. How far is Atlanta from here?”

Laura frowned at her. “Um, why…?”

“That’s where the wedding is. How far is it?”

“How should I--”

“Nevermind, I’ll just use my phone.” Carmilla pulled it out of her pocket, tapping against the screen. Laura tilted her head curiously.

“Carmilla, what are you--”

“Thirteen hours without stops,” Carmilla said.

“Your point?”

“Need to sober up first,” Carmilla mumbled to herself, “and then the hangover is probably going to kick my ass, but if I left in the middle of the night, I could get there in time…”

“Hello!” Laura waved a hand in front of her face, “earth to Carmilla! Hello? What are you thinking here?”

Carmilla put her phone away. “I am thinking,” Carmilla said, “that I’m going to crash a wedding.”

“Are you insane?”

“What is insane is that Ell gets to dump me, u-haul it with some ginger, and get away with it! Well, nuh-uh.”

Laura tried to blink the haze of alcohol away. “You...you want to stop their wedding.”

“No. Not stop it exactly. Just humiliate Ell in front of her family and friends. I want to ruin it.”

“Oh, that’s much better.”

“I don’t hear you telling me no, Cupcake--”

“No.”

“--Even if I did you a favor?”

Laura bit her lip. “Favor…?”

“I don’t want to stop the wedding, but it sure sounded like you don’t like the idea of this Ginger marrying Ell. Come with me. It’s always more fun to crash a wedding in pairs.”

“You know this because…?”

“Are you in or out?”

Laura was about to, very forcefully, be out when Carmilla stood abruptly.

“Hey, come on, let’s go. Just--just think about it,” Carmilla put her hands on Laura’s shoulders, “you said yourself, you and Ginger were so in love before you moved, that you regret everything, right? Well, here’s your chance. Go tell her that.”

“Like...like storm into the church to proclaim my love?”

“Sure let's go with that.”

“But I'd be ruining a wedding!”

“Cupcake, what's worse? Stopping a wedding,” Carmilla leaned in close to Laura's ear, “or forever knowing that Danny might have married the wrong woman, and living with a lifetime of regret?”

“You don't actually care, you just want someone to come with you!”

“But am I wrong?”

Laura shook her head. “I--I'm sorry. But I can't do that, it's crazy.”

Carmilla let go. “Fine,” she said. She grabbed a napkin, and took a pen from her purse. “This is my address. This is when I'm leaving. Show up if you change your mind, but I'm gone with or without you.”

She handed Laura the napkin and managed to walk straight out the door--well, she managed to walk straight more or less.

Laura stared at the paper. She shook her head.

Ridiculous. Totally wrong. Laura started to crumple it up--

“Hey, Hollis!”

Laura scrambled to her feet, looking at her manager. “Uh, what?”

“I'm not playing you to sit. Get off your ass and start serving drinks.”

“Right, right. Sorry.”

He lumbered past her, fumbling with a pack of cigarettes. “And keep your hat on,” he continued, pulling it down over her eyes before continuing on his way.

Laura pulled it back up.

She slipped the paper into her pocket before she went back to work.

***

Carmilla looked surprised when she slipped out of her apartment the next night, seeing Laura standing on the sidewalk.

“So you decided to show up?”

Laura nodded. “Uh, yeah. I brought stuff,” Laura hefted up the beach bag she brought with her, “and I think I’m ready.”

Carmilla raised an eyebrow. “What made you change your mind?”

“I don’t want to talk, I want to get on the road before I lose my nerve. And remember why I shouldn’t be agreeing to take cross country roadtrips with vague acquaintances I only know from the bar--and what are you wearing?”

Carmilla looked down at her ripped jeans and combat boots. “What?”

“You can't wear that to a wedding! I changed into a dress for this!”

“Cupcake, you're trying to win your ex back. I’m trying to embarrass mine. My attire is perfectly suited to the occasion, thank you.”

Laura pouted. “...Fine, but when we get there, I will deny knowing you.”

“Fine by me. I just want you there for the added drama. Come on.”

She started walking, not waiting for Laura, who started to walk after her. They stopped walking when Carmilla put a hand on a black Jaguar.

“Oooh, that's a really nice car Carmilla!”

Laura tried the door; it was unlocked, and she slipped into the passenger side, dropping her bag on the floor. Carmilla frowned and sat down. She put her keys in the ignition and Laura turned on the radio.

“We are not listening to top forty radio,” Carmilla said.

“But they're top forty for a reason--”

“My car, my rules. Panthera does not like pop songs.”

“...Panthera?”

“Plenty of people name their cars.”

“I mean, yeah, real names.”

“Well what did you name your car?”

“Um...Lois.”

Carmilla glared at her. “I rest my case, stop complaining.”

Laura pouted as Carmilla pulled out of the parking lot, reaching into her beach bag. “Alright, you win.”

She pulled out a package of oreos, tearing them open. The sound of the thin plastic ripping made Carmilla's eye twitch.

“What. Are you. Doing.”

“I brought oreos. Want one?”

She crunched down on one, some crumbs spilling into her lap. Carmilla's eyes widened.

“Are you insane? You are not eating in my car!”

“Why not?”

“Crumbs. I will not let you get crumbs on my baby.”

Laura didn't stop eating as Carmilla rounded a corner. “Carmilla, you are over--”

“Give it.”

“No! You seriously expect me not to eat anything the entire ride?”

Just to annoy her further, Laura chewed as loudly as she could. Carmilla gritted her teeth. Finally, she made a grab for the package.

“Cupcake, my car, my rules--”

“Well you know what, they are stupid rules--”

“So help me I will turn this car around!”

“Carmilla let and go and LOOK OUT!”

Carmilla looked back at the road, swerving to avoiding a cat--and ended up hitting a fire hydrant instead.

“Um, Carmilla?”

Carmilla blinked.

“Seriously, are you okay?”

“...We could not even make it outside city limits. Jesus fuck.”

“Carmilla, it's okay! I can fix this!”

“You know how to fix a car?”

“No, but we can use mine.”

Carmilla rubbed her temples. “I am starting to regret having you come with me.”

They both got out of the car.

“Hey, if it weren't for me, you'd be out of luck right now!”

“If it weren't for you this wouldn't have happened!”

“Well--well--” Laura sputtered, “who tries to take someone's oreos?”

Carmilla narrowed her eyes and walked past her. “Let's just go.”

***

“...That's your car?”

Laura flipped through her key ring, unlocking the door. “Don't make fun of Lois.”

Sure, her volkswagen beetle was old, sure the yellow paint had faded a little, but it was her car. Carmilla wrinkled her nose.

“You are really lucky I used up all my money to get Panthera fixed.”

Carmilla slid into the passenger seat, crossing her arms and leaning back. The car made a soft, sad little ptt ptt ptt as the engine started, and Laura turned on the radio. Laura grinned at Carmilla’s face when a Taylor Swift song came on and said, “my car, my rules!”

Carmilla leaned her head back and groaned.

***

For the first few hours, Carmilla ignored Laura unless she needed to eat.

“Do you have any food in here?” Carmilla asked.

Laura, wordlessly, reached into the glove compartment, opening it. Carmilla’s jaw dropped.

“Holy shit, that’s a lot of food.”

Laura shrugged. “I like to be prepared.”

She had at least five different flavors of chips ahoy, double stuff oreos (Laura was a purist; none of that golden stuff) and an assortment of cosmic brownies, twinkies, and entenmann’s cookies.

“Why do you need entenmann’s and chewy chips ahoy cookies?”

“They taste different!”

Carmilla huffed and Laura kept her eyes on the road, while Carmilla presumably started to eat.

“...You’re talking to yourself, Cupcake,” Carmilla said.

“What?”

“You’re mumbling under your breath.”

“I’m going over what I’m going to say to Danny in my head. What, you don’t want to be prepared?”

“What do I need to prepare for? I just want to embarrass her. Doesn’t matter what I say, just showing up is going to do the job.”

“If you’re going to ruin a wedding, you should at least have the respect to come up with a proper speech.”

They stopped at a red light.

“So what are you going to say, Shakespeare?”

Laura’s frowned a little. “I’m going to tell Danny that leaving her was the biggest mistake of my life. That I know we had our differences, but we loved each other, and I don’t think either of us could really be happy with other people with ‘maybes’ and ‘what ifs’ hanging over our heads. Ugh, I’m nervous,” Laura shook her head quickly, “hand me a cookie?”

“...Uh, out.”

“What do you mean ‘out?’”

“I ate them.”

“You ate them? I had like, a million snack packs in there! And a package of oreos!”

“We’ve been driving forever. I got bored!”

“You ate like, five packages of cookies in like two hours!”

“Well excuse me for being fucking hungry!”

Laura turned off the highway. “Fine.”

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“I am getting food.”

“It is barely after four in the morning, where are we getting food?”

“It’s New Jersey,” Laura answered, “there are diners, like, everywhere that are open twenty-four seven. We’re near the Tick Tock right now.”

“But we’re already running late--”

“Holy Hufflepuff, Carmilla, the drive to Atlanta is eleven more hours and I haven’t eaten since I started my shift at the bar at six last night! I NEED SUSTENANCE.”

She pulled into the parking lot, glaring at Carmilla. “We are eating.”

“...Man I regret having you come with me.”

She unbuckled and got out of the car. Laura got out a moment later. They walked inside and got seated, not without some strange looks by the waitress.

“I guess they normally don’t get two young women coming in this late,” Laura’s brow wrinkled, “or early? I guess?”

Carmilla looked tense, looking around the empty diner. “Let’s just get fed so we can get back on the road.”

“Hey, will you at least try and relax? Oh,” Laura looked at the waitress, “coffee for me please, cream and sugar. And...and oh man, the big breakfast waffle. Carmilla you should try that it is amazing.”

“Yeah, sure. Give me the same thing I guess.”

The waitress left. Carmilla leaned back in her seat.

“You’ve been here before?”

“I grew up here,” Laura answered cheerfully, “I went to Boston for school and that’s where I met Danny and...well, I told you the rest.”

“In New Jersey?” Carmilla scoffed, “my condolences.”

Laura pouted. “That’s rude. And you wonder why Ell broke up with you?”

Carmilla’s mouth fell open, just slightly, and she looked down at the table. Laura bit her lip.

“No, wait, Carmilla, I didn’t mean--”

“Yeah, you did.”

“But that was still kind of a low blow--”

“Yeah, it was.”

Laura was smart enough to stop talking until the waitress came back with their food. Her mouth started to water at the smell of the huge stack of waffles with whipped cream and bacon. She started to dig in.

“Carmilla, really, I’m sorry,” Laura said again, “I didn’t mean that. When you and Ell would come into the bar,” she shoved another piece of waffle into her mouth, “you were, like, pretty obviously whipped. You weren’t mean to her at all.”

She was pushing the waffle around on her plate. Laura tilted her head. “Are you not going to eat?”

“I’m not really hungry,” Carmilla mumbled.

“Do you want to go over what route we’re going?”

“Sure, I have it--” Carmilla patted her pockets. “--oh shit.”

“What?”

“I left my phone and my wallet in Panthera! How the fuck are we going to know the fastest way to Atlanta now?”

“Carmilla, don't worry. I got this.”

“You brought your phone?”

“I mean, yeah, but it doesn't get internet. But I have something even better.”

Laura pulled a map out of her purse. Carmilla narrowed her eyes.

“The fuck?”

“What, you've never used a real map?”

“No? I'm smart enough to have a phone.”

“But not smart enough to bring it,” Laura shot back, effectively shutting her up. Laura grabbed a pen.

“It's not that hard--look,” Laura grabbed a pen, drawing a line. “We can take I-95 most of the way…”

She carefully traced the route and showed it to Carmilla. “There. This is how our ancestors navigated.”

“That's...actually kind of impressive,” Carmilla said, sipping her coffee, “I didn't know you were so good with directions, Cupcake.”

“Of course not, we never spoke outside of the bar.” Laura shrugged. “And my dad made me learn. He said ‘you never know when you'll be stranded with nothing but a map to lead you back to civilization.’”

Carmilla looked at the map, starting to eat again. The waitress came back with the check, which Laura stared at.

“Um...Carmilla, are you sure you don't have your wallet?”

“Yeah, I'm sure?”

“You don't have any money on you?”

“You can't pay the bill, can you?”

“I don't have that much money!”

“Use a card!”

“I only have debit and I don't have that much in my account.”

Carmilla raised an eyebrow. “You don't have fifty dollars?”

“Living in New York on a bartending salary is expensive,” Laura grumbled. “Seriously, what are we going to do?”

Carmilla looked at the bill, seemingly deep in thought. She got up, grabbing her plate. “Run.”

“Run?”

“You heard me, RUN!”

Carmilla ran out the door with her food. Laura jumped to her feet. She waffled a little, until she saw the waitress coming back. Laura gathered up the uneaten toast and muffin that came with the meal.

“What are you doing, get back here! Hey!”

“I'm so sorry!” Laura shouted back as she ran out the door. Carmilla already had the car door open.

“Let’s go, go, go come on!”

“Trying!”

Carmilla vaulted into the passenger’s side so that Laura could get into the driver’s seat, fumbling with her key to get it into the ignition. The waitress ran out of the door just as Laura peeled out of the parking lot.

Laura looked at Carmilla. “What did we just do?”

“We scored a free meal, that’s what we did.”

She stared at the road for another moment before bursting out laughing. Carmilla looked disturbed.

“Are you okay…?”

“I just did that. Oh my God I just did that. That was awesome! I mean it was horrible and I’ll never do it again, but the adrenaline!”

Laura held up a hand. “High five, partner!”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, but lightly tapped Laura’s hand.

***

Eating a plate of toast and a muffin while driving was difficult, but Laura managed, balancing the plate on her knees and holding the wheel with one hand.

“Seriously, if I can do that, speaking at the wedding will be easy,” Laura said, munching on a piece of rye toast, “hey Carmilla, do you want any?”

Carmilla opened her eyes; she had fallen asleep. “Uh, no, I’m good.”

“Alright, suit yourself. You know what this toast is? The breakfast of champions.”

She took a bite, humming a little. Carmilla snorted.

“You were really so broke you couldn’t pay, huh?”

“I mean,” Laura shrugged, “I’m getting paid Friday. But living in the city is expensive.”

Carmilla didn’t say anything else, and Laura looked at her toast. “Um, hey, I meant what I said before about being sorry,” Laura said, “I mean I know I didn’t see you and Ell outside the bar, but you both seemed really happy. I don’t think you were a terrible girlfriend. And I mean, I don’t know what Ell did, but it must have been pretty bad for you to want to do--”

“I proposed,” Carmilla mumbled.

“You what?”

Carmilla looked at Laura; they stopped at a light. “I said,” she repeated, “I proposed. I proposed and that's why she dumped me.”

Laura stared at Carmilla uselessly. “...Toast?”

She wanted to slap herself. That was her answer? Toast?

Carmilla grabbed a piece. “She told me she needed a day. I just...she was always a really careful person you know? I didn't think she'd actually say no.”

She took another bite of toast, biting off the corner viciously. “And then she said she just...couldn't see being married to me. After almost five years. And then we fought and--and she had to have known Red for at most a year before they got engaged. One year and she's willing to spend the rest of her life with some ginger--but she spends almost five with me and I'm not worth it.” The light turned green. Carmilla slouched in her seat. “So yeah, if you're working at why I'm bitter enough to do this, that's why.”

Laura frowned. Carmilla seemed to take Laura's silence as permission to continue.

“She used to call me her Darcy,” Carmilla mumbled, “she was Elizabeth and I was Darcy and they're supposed to get married at the end, dammit.”

“Yeah, you said before.”

“Well it still isn’t fair and I’ll keep saying it. Elizabeth is not supposed to leave Darcy and marry douchebag George Wickham. This should be my wedding.”

“Hey.”

“What?”

“I'm trying to get Danny back. She is not George Wickham. Danny is too nice to be George Wickham. Although,” Laura chuckled a little, “Danny loved Pride and Prejudice too.”

“Oh, great, no wonder they're soulmates,” Carmilla said dryly.

Laura bit her lip. “Carmilla, you deserved someone that wanted to marry you,” Laura said, “you deserved better. I'm sorry.”

Carmilla looked at her. “You barely know me.”

“I don't need to,” Laura answered, “no one who isn't, like, pure evil deserves that. Besides, when you crash a car and dine and dash with someone on the way to crashing a wedding, I feel like that earns you the right to call them a friend.”

Laura sighed, turning. “So yeah, my friend deserves better than that.”

Carmilla swallowed her last piece of toast.

“...Thanks, Cupcake,” Carmilla said gruffly.

But when she turned to look out the window, there was a small smile playing at the corners of her lips.

***

They were in Maryland when Carmilla finally decided to take pity on Laura.

“Hey, Cupcake, you look exhausted. Cupcake?” She tapped Laura lightly on the shoulder, making her jerk.

“What? Oh. Hey Carmilla.”

“You're sleep driving Cupcake. Pull over.”

Laura pouted, but acquiesced, but not without giving Carmilla a crash course on how to handle Lois.

“...and if it starts to go backwards when you hit the gas just switch it between reverse and neutral a few times--”

“Jesus, relax, I won't ruin your precious car.”

Laura got into the passenger side, leaning the seat back and immediately starting to snore. Carmilla pulled back onto the road. She made it a few miles before she looked down.

“Laura!”

“Hm?”

“Your gas. It's on empty.” Carmilla's voice raised in pitch a little. “We are on empty and we have no money.”

Laura rubbed her head. “I mean...we could...coast?”

“Coast? How are we supposed to fucking coast through like, three more states? What, is it all downhill--”

“Carmilla, calm down! Just--just find a gas station. We'll figure out money when we get there.”

Carmilla did, and they both got out in the rest stop parking lot scratching their heads.

“We need money,” Carmilla looked at Laura, “any ideas Creampuff?”

“I have five dollars in my wallet.”

“That’s not going to be enough, any better ideas?”

“Why do I need to come up with it?”

“Well, I came up with the last idea--”

“Okay, I don’t consider ‘dine and dash’ a real plan,” Laura answered, rolling her eyes, “but fine, I have an idea.”

She grabbed the map from the car, then a pen to write on its back. She hid what she was writing from Carmilla, before walking out to the side of the road and holding it up.

“...Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me.”

Laura glared at her. “What?”

“‘Will write for cash?’”

“I’m a journalism major, this is my skill!”

“Okay,” Carmilla shoved her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket, standing next to her. “Write what?”

“That depends on what they want and what they’ll pay me.”

“Jesus Christ, get out of the way,” Carmilla shoved Laura to the side, “let me show you how to catch someone’s attention.”

Carmilla threw off her jacket and started to peel off her shirt.

“What? Carmilla, no! What are you doing?”

“Stop yelling, geez.”

“I do not care how badly you want to get to this wedding, we are not doing--doing--that.”

“Please, I'm not sleeping with them Cupcake. I'm just going to entice them a little.”

“And what do we do once one of those cars stop? You’re going to strip tease on the side of the highway? In the middle of winter?”

“At least my idea might actually make them stop!”

“It is the middle of February, Carmilla, put your jacket back on before you get cold!”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. She finally pulled it back on. “Fine. We still need to find someone we can hitch a ride from though.”

“I’m not hitching a ride. I’m not going to leave Lois at a gas station in Virginia!”

Carmilla raised her arms before letting them fall uselessly at her sides. “Okay. So what’s the plan, huh? You rejected mine. We’re not going to get there in time if you stand here for an hour with that stupid sign. So, what is the plan?”

Laura and Carmilla both scanned across the road.

Their eyes fell on the sign that said ‘Metropolis Casino’ at the same time.

“...Carmilla, no.”

“Carmilla, yes.”

***

“Remind me why we’re not doing a slot machine or something?”

“Because blackjack has the best odds of winning for the player. Let’s go.”

“Can’t we at least do poker?”

Carmilla stared at Laura. “Poker? Really?”

“Carmilla, look, I played it with my dad all the time, I could--”

“Laura, this is not your daddy’s house with all his buddies when you were a kid in Jersey,” Carmilla answered, “these players will eat you alive. Trust me.”

Laura squinted at the bright artificial light in the building, the air constantly filled with the click click click of roulette balls and slot machines falling into place, occasionally punctuated by the bing bing bing of a payout.

“At least tell me why I’m the one playing.”

“Because you’re cute and will be underestimated.”

“It’s not underestimating when I really don’t know how to play!”

Carmilla pulled Laura to the Blackjack table.

“Ell and I went to Atlantic City every summer,” Carmilla said, “trust me, I know what I’m doing. I’ll walk you through it.”

“Did you ever win a lot of money?”

“This is how you play. Listen carefully, okay?”

Carmilla started running through the rules. Laura blinked.

“...Are you ready?”

“Sure, let’s go with that.”

The dealer took Laura’s five dollar bill and handed her a single green chip. Laura frowned down at it and started playing. Laura looked at her hand.

“Um, okay, I have an ace and a ten point card,” Laura whispered to Carmilla, “What now?”

“Laura, that’s a blackjack!”

“What’s a blackjack?”

“Did you not listen to any of my rules?”

Laura stared at her. Carmilla sighed.

“The goal is to get as close to twenty one as possible without going over. A blackjack means unless the dealer has the same thing we win the hand!”

“Oh!”

Laura won the hand. The dealer gave her a ten dollar chip.

“Yes! Yes! I just doubled my money, did you see that?”

“Uh, Cupcake, don't get too cocky--”

“You're one to talk. Betting another five!”

“Okay, you might want to think this over--”

“SPLITTING!”

“Laura what the fuck you can’t just split there’s a strategy--”

Laura won again. Carmilla’s eyes widened.

“Holy shit you won?”

“YES! Alright, alright, ten! I bet ten!”

Carmilla started clapping. “Go, go, go!”

"DOUBLING DOWN! Alright, alright--blackjack! I got blackjack!”

“Holy shit Laura, I can’t believe it!”

Laura fist pumped. “That's right!”

“You really don't need to shout everything though.”

She placed another bet. Laura grabbed her cards and immediately said, “splitting!”

Carmilla's smile faltered. “Wait--”

They lost.

Laura's eye twitched. “Uh...ouch.”

The adrenaline of winning gone, Laura grabbed her remaining chip.

“Okay, we still have five left.”

“Laura, what the fuck was that?”

Laura got up, glaring at Carmilla. “Excuse me, you seemed pretty pleased with my skills when I won!”

“Because,” Carmilla said with gritted teeth, “you...were...winning!”

“How is it my fault? It's a chance game!”

“It's your fault when you split fives!” Carmilla threw up her hands. “You never split fives. Every idiot knows that!”

“Then why don't you play!” Laura shouted.

Carmilla pouted. Laura crossed her arms.

“Okay, we cannot afford to lose this,” Laura said, “so now we are going to do this my way.”

“Yeah, because I trust you to play poke--”

Laura was already gone. She walked over to one of the tables where a game was about to start.

“Hey, guys,” Laura said, pointing to herself, “have room for a lady to join you?”

Carmilla groaned. “Oh my God we're doomed.”

***

“Fold.”

“Fold.”

“Fold.”

Laura stared at the fourth player, utterly serene yet intense. Carmilla had never seen Laura look that determined.

Carmilla fought the urge to bite her nails. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of Laura’s opponent’s head. He added another chip to the pot. Laura added more.

He added another.

Laura pushed all her chips into the middle of the table.

He did the same thing.

“Four queens,” he said smugly, laying out his cards.

“Wow, that’s a really good hand,” Laura said.

Carmilla face palmed.

“But not good enough--BOOM!” Laura slammed her cards down on the table. “Four kings! BOOYAH! Which means these chips are mine.”

Carmilla’s jaw dropped. Laura gathered up all the chips, getting up and proceeding to do the running man.

“Uh, Laura, grab the chips and let’s cash them.”

It didn’t help that those men looked very, very angry. Laura finally stopped and walked away with Carmilla to do just that.

“Laura, how the Hell did you do that? Why didn’t you tell me you were a freaking poker shark?”

“I tried. Someone was convinced we’d get our money playing blackjack.”

“And you learned that from playing with your dad’s buddies?”

Laura looked at Carmilla after handing her chips to the cashier. “Yeah. Including my uncle, who is a professional poker player. He kept trying to convince me to try and go professional but,” Laura shrugged, “I just don’t have my heart in it, you know?”

The cashier gave Laura back cash. Carmilla grabbed it from Laura.

“...Two hundred dollars. Laura, you turned five dollars into two hundred dollars. I could kiss you right now!”

Laura raised her shoulders a little, holding out her arms. “Uh, how about a hug instead?”

Carmilla hugged Laura, patted her on the back, and put the money in her jacket pocket. “Let’s stop a wedding!”

She was absolutely exhilarated by their (well, mostly Laura’s, but they were a team) success. Laura started to laugh, following Carmilla outside.

“How are we on time?” Laura asked, after they crossed the street, got in the car, and filled up the gas tank.

“Thanks to your swift and decisive poker playing, we can still make it on time.”

This time, it was Carmilla who held her hand up for the high five.

***

Time passed more quickly when Carmilla realized, hey, if Laura apparently grew up around professional poker players, maybe there were some more interesting things about her. So they talked.

Laura Hollis apparently grew up around an outdoor camping and survival store, owned by her father, that she was never even allowed to step foot in without him until she was sixteen years old-- “he thought I might shoot myself with one of the guns” was Laura’s explanation. The store was, however, the reason that Mr. Hollis was able to keep their home stocked with survival gear in case of an apocalypse. Besides the weirdly specific talent of poker because of her uncle, Laura knew how to tie ten different types of knots, fish, create her own bow and arrow, and how to create a solar still using tarp and a pebble to collect water from moisture in the ground.

“...I had a really weird upbringing,” Laura finished.

“So after all that training, what made you want to be Lois Lane instead of Katniss Everdeen?”

“Katniss Everdeen wasn’t in Superman the Animated Series every morning before I went to school.”

“Ah, that makes sense.”

“What about you?”

“Me?” Laura turned down the radio a little.

“Sure. Where did you grow up?”

“Brooklyn. I spent weekends with my dad in Queens though.”

“Divorced?”

“Never married. They kept it pretty civil for me, though.”

“Siblings?”

“A brother and a sister.”

“Names?”

Carmilla shifted a little in her seat, staring out at the road. “Will. Mattie.”

Laura stopped. “...You don’t really talk about yourself, do you?”

Carmilla looked at her for just a moment before looking back. “No, not really.”

She wasn’t used to it. It wasn’t that she had a particularly bad childhood, or there were any skeletons deep in her closet. She just...wasn’t a sharer.

“You know,” Laura said, “you did give me a pretty detailed description of your failed relationship. You’ve shared quite a bit with me already.”

“Yeah, well, I want to keep my air of mystery then. I'm more curious as to what you have planned,” Carmilla smirked, “now that we're only one state away. Know what you're going to say to Danny yet?”

Laura blanched. “I, uh, am starting to think there are no perfect words for this occasion. Taylor Swift wrote a song about crashing a wedding, but Danny would know if I was stealing the lyrics.”

“Wait,” Carmilla raised an eyebrow, “are you saying you seriously considered reciting song lyrics as your speech to Danny?”

“Taylor Swift is an excellent lyricist!” Laura answered defensively, “it's not any different from reciting poetry!”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “How about ‘Danny, you are my fire’ then? ‘My one desire. Believe me when I say--’”

“Do you listen to Backstreet Boys?”

“No, I don't listen to the Backstreet Boys!”

“You do!” Laura said, grinning, “you totally do.”

“That is an extremely popular song, if I heard it once or twice that doesn't mean anything.”

Laura didn't answer. She opened the glove compartment and dug through until she found her CD case. She popped one in.

“Laura don't you dare--”

“Too late!” Laura exclaimed gleefully, clapping excitedly when the car started blasting out Backstreet Boys.

Carmilla groaned, smiling a little and shaking her head.

***

“Carmilla do you see the sign?” Laura asked, “there it is! Welcome to Atlanta!”

She turned in her seat to look at Carmilla. “Do you remember the name of the venue?”

“Luckily, yes. I wrote down the address and put it in my pocket, not my wallet.”

She fished it out. “Something called ‘'The Estate.’”

“That's...vague.”

“We can stop and grab one of those precious maps you swear by.”

They did stop at a tourist center, and Laura did grab a map of Atlanta, unfolding it before they even got in the car.

“Only a few more miles,” Laura said, “we're going to make it in time!”. We actually made it ahead of schedule, I cannot believe--”

Pfft pfft pftt pfffffffft…

“...Huh,”

“Laura, what do you mean ‘huh?’”

They managed to pull onto the side of the road and Laura said, “the, uh...car stopped.”

“No shit, why?”

“I don’t know why!”

Carmilla got out of the car. “I cannot fucking believe--I mean seriously, how does an engine just stop, we had gas! What did you do?”

“I don’t know,” Laura answered, getting out, “maybe because an old volkswagen beetle is not the best vehicle for driving thirteen straight hours almost without stopping!”

Carmilla started pacing. “What are we going to do, what are we going to do, what are we--” Carmilla snapped her fingers. “I got it, we’re running.”

“Running? But I can’t just leave Lois here!”

“Do you want to win back the love of your life or not?”

“But I’m wearing heels--”

“Give me that map!”

She grabbed it from Laura’s hands and started running.

Laura looked at the car, bit her lip, looked at Carmilla sprinting, looked back at the car, gave a frustrated shout, and took off her shoes.

“The things I do for love...hey! Wait up!”

Laura ran after her.

***

“There--huff huff--it is! I--huff huff--I think I see it--huff…”

Laura stopped, resting her hands on her knees, dropping her heels, taking deep breaths. She couldn’t believe she had actually managed not to kill herself running. In a dress. Which was now sweat stained. And Laura’s hair was frizzy and sticking up in places from the humidity, because apparently Georgia was still pretty hot in February. Carmilla stopped too. They both looked up at the entrance to the venue.

“...Nice place for a wedding,” Carmilla said breathily, also trying to recover from the run. She looked considerably better than Laura, mostly because jeans and boots were not nearly as bad to run nearly two miles in.

“Do you think we’re too late?”

“Hopefully not. One way to find out.”

Carmilla started to open the door, then looked back at Laura. “Well? You coming?”

Laura stared at the entrance and her mind just...froze. Laura blinked.

“Um,” her mouth opened and closed a few times, “you know what? I just realized, we’re probably too late anyway. Maybe we should just call AAA, get Lois fixed.”

“You are kidding me right now, right?”

“Or I can meet you after! You can still totally, totally do your whole revenge thing, I’ll just sit this one out,” Laura sat on the ground, still trying to catch her breath.

“Oh, no. How can you chicken out now? Because you’re tired?”

“Carmilla, look at me! I’ve barely slept since we left. My makeup is ruined. I have pit stains under my dress. Pit stains! I look horrible. There is no way Danny is going to look at me, then look at Ell, and ever choose me over her. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe all those romance stories aren’t as right as I’d like them to be. If I’m really destined to win her back, why would just getting here be so hard? It’s like the universe is trying to stop me!”

“Okay, first of all,” Carmilla answered, walking away from the door, “if anything, it’s the universe trying to stop me from doing something spiteful and petty. You’re just collateral damage. Second,” Carmilla squatted down next to Laura like a catcher behind home plate, “Laura fucking Hollis, Danny is going to want to listen to you. I have only really known you for thirteen hours and you know what? I already know that you are a surprisingly fascinating person who is fun, and nice, and you do a really cute thing when you’re sleeping where you kind of wrinkle your nose--which I know is really weird to notice, but I got bored driving while you took a nap and I started to notice, okay?”

Laura nodded. “Okay…?”

“What I’m trying to say is, you are a catch. And if not for you, do it for me. Laura, I’m about to go in there and humiliate my ex. And boy, is it going to feel good for the next week or so. But you don’t think I know what happens after that? I am going to go back to living my boring, single life. My faith in romance has taken a pretty bad turn lately, and I kind of need your big romantic movie gesture to restore it. I need to know that you can get the girl, because maybe then one day I could too. How about that?”

Laura bit her lip. “But...I still don’t know what to say.”

“You’re going to go in there and tell Danny that you drove all the way here, almost got arrested, played poker, and ran two miles because you know that Danny is about to make the biggest mistake of her life. That is what you say.”

Carmilla held out her hand. “Well?”

Laura swallowed. “...Let’s stop a wedding, I guess,” Laura answered weakly.

“Then let’s go!”

Carmilla helped Laura up. They opened the doors, slipping inside--luckily, the entire wedding party was too focused on Ell and Danny standing at the front to notice them. Carmilla pulled Laura toward the curtains where they hid, peeking through the white fabric.

Ell looked absolutely beautiful in her dress, hair in a high tight bun, makeup absolutely flawless. Carmilla supposed that if Ell wasn’t going to end up with her, Danny wasn’t a terrible looking alternative; she was wearing a suit and tie, red hair falling down in thick waves around her shoulders. They were both grinning dopily at each other; it made Carmilla want to puke. But then they started to exchange rings.

“We weren’t too late,” Carmilla mumbled.

Laura nodded. “Great.”

“You got this, Cupcake.”

She looked at Carmilla. “I hope so. And Carmilla, for the record? I think you’re a catch, too. You’ll find someone whether this works out or not--”

“--Please, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

“--Showtime I guess.”

Laura was about to step outside the curtains, Carmilla ready to follow behind. She was already running through several choice words she would say to Ell after Laura had said her piece--

“I object.”

Laura immediately pulled back inside the curtains and looked at Carmilla.

“That wasn’t me,” she whispered, “that wasn’t me, who was that?”

“Shhhh!”

The voice said again, “I object to this entire affair, and I can’t in good conscience let Elizabeth get married without at least voicing it.”

“Oh my God that douche again?” Carmilla said to herself.

“You know him?”

“Yeah,” Carmilla said, “Ell’s family hated me, and he led the charge. Her great uncle is the only guy that ever calls her ‘Elizabeth.’”

“Uncle Cornelius, was this really the right time?” Laura heard Ell hiss.

“Do you really want to throw your future away with a woman, Elizabeth?”

Laura gasped a little. She looked at Carmilla.

“Is he…?”

“Yeah, that’s why he hated me even more than her parents. They got over it. He never did.”

“Oh my God that’s horrible. What kind of monster interrupts a wedding--” Laura paused. “Um, well, I still say what he’s doing is worse.”

She peeked out again. Ell looked like she was going to cry and Danny looked like she was struggling very, very hard to keep her cool. Laura decided she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Okay, that is it!”

“Wait, Cupcake, what are you--”

“Who do you think you are!” Laura shouted, bursting out from the curtains.

And realized that maybe she should have come up with what else she was going to do first.

Everyone stared at her. Laura's eyes widened. Danny's jaw dropped.

“Laura? What are you doing here?”

“Uh--I'm defending your honor, that's what I'm doing!” She pointed a finger accusatorily at Ell’s great uncle. “How dare you ruin a wedding with your small minded bigotry!”

Ell looked like she was going to faint from shock.

Well. Carmilla supposed Ell was embarrassed, just like she wanted.

“Laura, seriously, why are you even here?” Danny asked.

“I came with her.”

Carmilla left her hiding place with her hands up. “Hey guys.”

Ell clutched her chest. “Carmilla?”

Carmilla ignored her. “You have always been a jackass,” Carmilla said to Ell's uncle, “but trying to be homophobic at Ell's wedding, that's a new low.”

“What Carmilla said! Ell and Danny are obviously in love, and that is beautiful! Seriously, um, you guys look great.”

Ell's mouth flapped uselessly open and closed. “I--what--oh my God--”

“And since you should mind your own damn business, we'll, uh, mind ours,” Carmilla finished weakly.

Laura turned red, noticing the rather perplexed looks of the other people watching. Ell's family member had sat back down, shoulders hunched, upset but sufficiently chastised. “Right. Carmilla and I are just gonna...yeah. We'll be in the back.”

Carmilla watched Laura sit in the back, head bowed. Taking pity on her, Carmilla gave the brides a quick thumbs up and joined her.

“Well that was an epic fail,” Laura whispered.

“Hey, you win some you lose some,” Carmilla answered.

The priest pronounced Ell and Danny as married. Ell flashed a weak smile after she kissed Danny, taking her hand. They walked out of the church--but not before Ell grabbed Carmilla's wrist with her free hand and whispered, “outside, now.”

Laura didn't need to wait for Danny to do the same thing.

***

There was a limousine waiting to take them to the reception; Carmilla and Ell sat across from Ell and Danny.

“So...nice limo?” Laura said politely.

“I guess,” Carmilla answered.

Danny pinched the bridge of her nose. Ell had her hands held tightly together in her lap.

“What are you both doing here?” Ell asked. “Especially you, Laura--”

Danny coughed. “Uh, actually babe, that's the Laura I told you about.”

“She's the Laura you dated?” Ell looked at her. “I mean I just figured that was a coincidence, there has to be a million people named Laura, it's not exactly uncommon…”

“Surprise?” Carmilla suggested.

“And you. What are you doing here?” Ell snapped. Carmilla held up her hands.

“Hey, I dated you for quite awhile, excuse me for kind of wondering how you've been--”

“Uh, how long is ‘quite a while?’” Danny asked. Ell bit her lip.

“Uh, honey, it's not really important is it--”

“Five years.”

“Five?”

“I proposed,” Carmilla said dryly.

“You were engaged and you never told me?”

“You never told your wife about us?”

“I did! I just...left out some detail.”

“You told me you went through a bad breakup, not that you were engaged--”

“Okay, first of all, I wasn't, that's why we broke up! Second...second, that isn't the point! The point is why are you here?”

“Uh...we wanted to support you guys?”

Ell blinked. “Support.”

“Sure. Laura and I were very hurt that we weren't invited. So I took Laura as my...date. I mean, please Ell. Like I would still be hung up on us,” Carmilla put an arm around Laura, “I have moved on. Right Cupcake?”

Ell looked at Laura.

Danny had an arm around Ell. She had her hand on Danny's knee. Looking at them at the moment, Laura couldn't believe she had actually been planning on breaking them up.

She wasn't the lead in the romance, she was the villain. At best, she was Scarlett in Gone With the Wind; they were Ashley and Melanie. How could she ever break that up?

More importantly, how embarrassing would it be to admit that she had wanted to try?

“Uh, yes. I comforted Carmilla after you guys broke up and we...bonded.”

“Oh boy, did we bond.”

Laura surreptitiously pinched Carmilla. Hard.

Danny narrowed her eyes. “...Bullshit, you wanted to stop the wedding didn't you.”

“I am--I can't even--I am offended,” Laura sputtered, “I broke up with you.”

“And yet, here you are.”

“To support you, which I did. I think I was pretty heroic back there! Where's my thank you?”

“What Laura said,” Carmilla added, with a curt nod.

“I really don't believe you,” Danny answered, “and I really don't feel comfortable with her here.”

“Why, because your precious wife is apparently keeping secrets?”

“Only because Ell hated talking about you! She was wrecked when I met her.”

“She was wrecked. She was? Ell was the was the asshole that left--”

“Don't you dare say that about my wife!”

“Okay, Wonder Woman, calm down!” Ell grabbed Danny and pulled her back against the seat, gently patting her arm. “Danny, you know the chivalry is very attractive to me, but you rented that tuxedo and we can't afford to get blood on it.”

Danny relaxed, just slightly. “...I can't believe you dated Mistress of the Snark,” she mumbled. She looked at Laura. “I can't believe you're currently dating her.”

“Yes, love works in mysterious ways,” Ell said soothingly, “just please relax a little?”

The limo stopped. Both sides stared at each other awkwardly.

“Um...So I haven’t eaten anything in ten hours, the car we were driving broke down, and we have almost no money, so…” Laura shrugged. Ell sighed.

“You can stay for the reception--”

“Ells, what are you doing?”

“--Only to eat and figure out what to do about your car. Danny, what am I supposed to do? They did do us a favor before, I guess. And I believe them. Carmilla is a lot of things but she’s not that petty.”

“Thank you!” Carmilla exclaimed.

Danny glared at Carmilla, but got out of the car. Ell followed her. Carmilla raised an eyebrow at Laura.

“Well?” She swept her arm out, “after you.”

***

“What? No. No I’m not with the car but--seriously? I can’t tell you the license plate number or something? Please? Fine. Fine!”

Laura hung up her cellphone, turning back to the buffet table and gorging herself on shrimp. Carmilla walked up to Laura, handing her a glass.

“Champagne?”

“We need to drive back.”

“We have time.”

They both turned at the same time to face the dance floor. Ell and Danny were mingling with guests, laughing, occasionally nudging each other affectionately. Laura sighed, grabbing Carmilla’s glass and taking a sip.

“...I’m glad I didn’t go through with it,” Laura said, handing it back.

“Are you?”

“They’re happy,” Laura said, “Danny is happy. I’m the one that broke her heart when I left. I shouldn’t be getting in her way when she moves on because I’m terrified I peaked in college when we were together.”

Carmilla raised an eyebrow at her. “Peaked? Cupcake, you are in your early twenties. You have a solid sixty or seventy years left in you. You have plenty of time. Besides,” Carmilla bumped Laura’s shoulder, “I don’t know, I think your date to the wedding is hotter anyway.”

Laura rolled her eyes. “Oh, yeah, she’s not bad I guess. Nice improv by the way, think you can warn me next time?”

“I panicked, okay?”

Laura looked out at the dance floor. Ell had left Danny’s side, and Danny was talking to a girl Laura recognized from college. One of Danny’s sorority sisters.

“...I’m going to go talk to Danny.”

“Red? Why?”

“Because I--I feel guilty now, okay? I came down here to do something bad and I want to actually say I’m happy for her. You should talk to Ell.”

“Give me one good reason why I should talk to Ell.”

“Closure?”

Carmilla huffed. Laura bit her lip.

“Or eat the shrimp. I don’t know.”

She walked away to talk to Danny. Carmilla watched her--she couldn’t hear anything she was saying--until finally, begrudgingly, she made her way over to Ell. The Cha Cha Slide started playing, and Ell was joining in a line dance with the rest of her family.

“Uh, hey Ell--”

She started clapping her hands, drowning Carmilla out. She raised her voice.

“Ell, come on, I just wanted to talk!”

“Didn’t you already do enough, trying to crash my wedding?”

“You said you believed me!”

“I only said that because I wanted to calm Danny down. I’m not an idiot. You obviously came here because you wanted to go all Garth Brooks on me.”

“Okay, I was not trying to go all ‘Garth Brooks’ on you.”

Ell looked down, “you are literally wearing boots to my black tie affair! That’s how I knew you were lying, by the way. No one dresses like that for a wedding, not even you.”

Carmilla gritted her teeth. “Ell--”

“Unless you are dancing get off the dance floor,” Ell announced, hopping away from Carmilla. She rubbed the back of her neck, sighed, and got into the dance line next to her.

To the right!

“See, I’m dancing.”

To the left!

“Come on,” Carmilla continued, “you remember how much I hate line dancing.”

Ell bit her lip.

Take it back now ya’ll!

“Seriously, what do you want?” Ell asked.

“I just--” One hop this time! “--wanted to ask you--” One hop this time! “--why her and not me?”

Ell shook her head. Right foot two stomps! “Carmilla, I told you why not you.”

Left foot two stomps! “Right, because you couldn’t stand the thought of being with me the rest of your life. After five years?”

Slide to the left! “It was...more complicated than that,” Ell answered. Slide to the right! “We never really worked. But I had school keeping me here, and part of me just...really didn’t want to believe it.”

Criss cross! “So that’s it?” Criss cross! “You never really loved me at all.”

Cha cha real smooth.

Ell did her best attempt at a cha cha. “Of course I loved you. But that only goes so far, you know? Family is important to me.”

They started going through the motions again. “So you chose your family over me,” Carmilla said, putting her hands on her knees. She was grateful to the music for being loud enough to let them talk.

“Yes, I did,” Ell answered immediately, getting as low to the floor as she could, “I absolutely chose being able to see my family on a regular basis over you. I have a huge extended family Carmilla. I just couldn’t deal with you not getting along with them.”

The song said to cha cha again. Carmilla followed the directions as she said, “Laura told me Danny lives in Boston.”

“She does,” Ell answered, cha cha-ing in a circle, “we’re going to move there.”

“So you’ll be away from your family in Boston, but not with me in New York?”

Ell stomped her feet as the song got into the next verse. “Yes, because Danny actually wants to be around my family. And makes a point to visit. That’s how we met. She has a brother that moved down here for work. He does my family’s taxes--”

“I don’t need to know your entire love story!”

“Then don’t crash--”

FREEZE! Everybody clap your hands!

Ell started clapping in Carmilla’s face. “Then don’t crash my wedding!”

Carmilla started clapping in Ell’s face too until it turned into an all out war. Both of them stopped when they started getting out of breath.

“This is ridiculous,” Ell breathed, “look...Carmilla, for so long I thought I was Elizabeth and you were Darcy. You know how obsessed my mom is with that stuff. And I just kept waiting, you know, for that magic moment,” Ell gestured vaguely with her hands, “where you would turn into Darcy from the second half of the novel. Where all of the flaws in our relationship would just fall into place and everything turned out to be perfect all along. But it never happened, okay? It’s not because you were bad, or that I never loved you. I just...I realized that I was Jane, and I needed someone who could be Bingley.”

“God, I always hated your literature references.”

“Well Danny loves them!” Ell answered, “come on Carmilla. You know this was the right choice. Your friend certainly seems more willing to put up with some of your quirks than I was. She came with you on this insane plan, for starters.”

Carmilla looked back at Laura. “...You're right.”

Ell was terrible at cards.

Ell would have never ran out without paying.

Ell would have never run across a city in a dress in winter.

She had to admit, Laura was a hell of a lot more stubborn. Which was kind of fun.

“You're right,” Carmilla repeated.

It all seemed so ridiculous now. To have done all of that for Ell was almost anticlimactic. Ell wouldn't have done it for her. Obviously.

Ell crossed her arms uncomfortably. “Are we...cool now?”

There was a slow song starting to play. Carmilla crossed her arms. “...one condition. Dance before I go? I want to at least say I managed to steal you long enough for a dance.”

She held out her hand. Ell grabbed it warily.

“...That's one thing I do miss,” Ell admitted, “Danny is a terrible dancer.”

***

Danny was holding her wine glass so tightly Laura was surprised it hadn’t broken. She edged up next to her, clasping her hands behind her back, raising her shoulders a little.

“Um, hey Danny--”

“They’re talking.”

Laura followed Danny’s glare. “Uh, yeah, Ell and Carmilla are talking.”

“With my wife,” Danny said. She shook her head. “I can’t believe Ell never told me.”

“How did you never know about Carmilla…?”

Danny looked at her. “I did. I mean, I knew she dated someone named Carmilla. But Ell hated talking about it so much that I didn’t want to make her. So yeah. Had no idea my wife had just been proposed to when I met her. All I knew was that her ex was a jerk.”

She sighed.

“So...what did you tell her about me?”

“That you were my girlfriend in college and you broke up with me to take a job in New York city. Not much else though. I learned pretty early on that Ell got uncomfortable talking about exes.”

“You’re really lucky Ell didn’t turn out to be, like, a secret criminal or something.”

“We wanted a fresh start,” Danny answered, “I wanted to give her a fresh start.”

Laura rubbed the back of her neck. “Um, Danny, you know, I should probably confess something...I did show up to stop the wedding.”

Danny laughed. “I kind of figured that.”

“You're...not mad?”

“Laura, I know you,” Danny answered, “I know you would have never gone through with it. You're just really stubborn and impulsive. The type of person who might freak out and decide to run across the country with a nutcase.”

“Carmilla is not a nutcase--”

“Oh my God they just started dancing,” Danny said, “Laura dance with me.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to get closer to them without looking creepy!”

Laura grabbed Danny. “But you're a horrible dancer,” Laura said, as she tried to avoid getting stepped on.

“Do what we used to do.”

“But it makes me feel five,” Laura complained, standing on Danny's feet. Danny shrugged.

“Sorry. You were saying?”

“I was saying Carmilla really isn't a nutcase! I mean...I mean she's not as bad as she seems. She didn't treat Ell badly. They were just...different. Wanted different things.”

“Like us?”

“Yeah, but luckily you didn't propose.” Laura looked down at their feet. “I just...my life isn’t going as great as I hoped it would,” she admitted. Danny frowned.

“It’s not?”

“I didn’t get offered a job when the internship ended. Now I’m working at a bar where I need to dress as a sexy cowgirl so I can barely afford where I’m living. So when I heard you were getting married I just...the last time my life was good, really good and comfortable, was when I was with you. Which is really stupid.”

“And you freaked.”

“Yes, then I freaked,” Laura agreed, “we literally started driving at two in the morning on Tuesday to get here on time.”

And then Laura, feeling more comfortable--because more than her ex, Danny was also Laura’s best friend, when they were dating--started to tell Danny all about her daring escapades on her way to Atlanta. Danny actually had to stop a few times because she started laughing.

“Hey, Hollis, look at me,” Danny smiled down at Laura, “if you can pull off this off, you’ll figure out how to get to where you want to be. You’re too stubborn and kind of insane not to.”

“Uh...thank you?”

“Besides,” Danny continued, “you pretty obviously like Carmilla anyway, so I knew this was never about you still having feelings for me.”

Laura sputtered, hopping off Danny’s feet.

“I--what?--no!”

“Uh, Laura, I could hear your tone of voice when you were defending her. And I saw the way you guys were looking at each other before. Yeah, you like her.”

Laura turned red. The song ended. “I think maybe me and my friend, my buddy--”

“Your gal pal?”

“--Are going to go now!”

“Hey, Cupcake!”

Carmilla turned to Ell and bowed with a flourish, making her laugh. Then she strode over.

“So Ell and I ran into her mom and she hates me so much she gave me money to fix your car so we could go,” Carmilla explained, flicking her thumb along a stack of bills, “seriously Ell, I forget sometimes your dad was loaded.”

Ell rubbed her temples. “It was really weird seeing you both,” Ell answered, “thanks for the dance, but you should probably go now.”

Laura looked at Danny and held out her hand. “...See you, Lawrence.”

“Bye, Hollis.”

Carmilla regarded Ell. “We are never going to see each other again?”

“Oh God thank you for being on the same page on that.”

Carmilla smiled. “Bye guys. Laura?”

Laura nodded. She waved at them one more time before walking with Carmilla outside.

***

“It’s too bad we had to leave that swanky party early,” Laura said.

“And bail out on that awkward fest? I’m happy.”

They were standing together at the street corner. Carmilla checked her watch.

“What time is it?”

“Five.”

“Five,” Laura repeated, “well, this is what we’re doing at five o’clock on Valentine’s Day. Hiking across the city to fix my car. After watching our exes get married.”

Carmilla frowned. “Well shit, I forgot it was Valentine’s Day. That makes it worse.”

“Infinitely. How do you...you know, feel?”

“About what we did? Weirdly at peace.”

Laura nodded. “Actually? Same.”

They stood in silence for a moment. Carmilla looked at Laura. “So…” She drawled out, “I was just thinking...it’s Valentine’s Day.”

“Yeah. It is.”

“And we both have nothing better to do.”

Laura’s eyes widened. Just a little. “Uh, yeah. I guess we don’t.”

“And we’re in Atlanta. There has to be stuff we can do in Atlanta, right?”

“Atlanta is a nice city,” Laura answered.

“I also happen to have some money,” Carmilla added.

“Don’t we need that for my car?”

Carmilla thought it over for a moment. She shrugged.

“I don’t know, we’ve managed so far. We make a pretty good team. We’d figure something out. You really want to come all this way and not look around a little?”

Laura thought it over.

She could do the responsible thing.

Or she could run around with Carmilla on Valentine’s Day with a wad of cash, in the middle of a beautiful southern city, and figure out the rest later.

“...It is still early enough to do something fun. And you are right,” Laura nudged her, “we do make a pretty good team.”

A smile spread across Carmilla’s face. “Then what do you say--want to be my Valentine?”

Laura thought about going for Carmilla’s hand. She chickened out at the last second and went for her upper arm instead. “Sounds like fun.”

“Wow. Grabbing my bicep. Romantic.” Laura blushed a little.

“Well excuse me for being a little old fashioned.”

“I’ll help you.”

The light for the crosswalk turned green, and Carmilla grabbed Laura’s hand, pulling her across.