Work Text:
Mark had known it from the start. When he first met the younger boy, he had known it; Donghyuck was trouble. But so was he so maybe that was why they had clicked off so well. It happens like this: Donghyuck is sitting on a porch in front of a small grocery store, fiddling with a lighter that doesn't seem to work. Mark sits next to him and offers him his, an action of spontaneous kindness. Donghyuck smiles and Mark feels small.
"Thanks, sugar," he says with a teasing tone: they don't know each other but the younger boy acts like they do. Mark laughs. Warmth.
(The door slams open.)
They get to know each other. Casual and sweet, somewhat flirty conversations and knowing looks. Donghyuck doesn't ask about Mark's bruised knuckles so Mark doesn't ask about his cracked lip either. Mark had realized it there. How their wordless agreement would end, how they would end. That's what he has always disliked about himself, seeing the end before the start.
And boy, was Donghyuck trouble.
It's a small street where it happens. Mark is with his friends, all part of his gang and then they are attacked by a rival one. It's not extraordinary or new, they always have to stand on the edge, not to be afraid of falling. But something twists in Mark's stomach when he sees Donghyuck, and he is punching his friend in the stomach. So it's like that. And Mark is upset and angry so he pushes his knife into some rival gang member's rib and refuses to think about how the boy is probably Donghyuck's friend.
It's the time Mark gets his first broken nose and broken heart, both caused by Donghyuck.
(Donghyuck has Mark pressed against a wall, his own hands in the younger boy's hair. They're kissing. The sound of the door slamming open drops the temperature to zero and they break apart.)
But they cross paths again, like it was meant to be. Mark has never believed in destiny or fate, a very skeptical boy, but somehow it felt right.
They still wouldn't talk about it, how the purple on Mark's cheeks faded away a day by day. His nose was never the same either, a little bit too crooked. It somehow felt so metaphorical, Donghyuck had molded him like that. It's almost sweet.
Falling in love happens like this: a cheap bar, two underaged boys talking with passion in a corner table. Leaning over the wood, sharing whatever their drunken thoughts seemed to be. Mark's thoughts, more or less interesting, are about Donghyuck and how the dim lighting makes him look.
Boys shouldn't kiss. That they both know, but the bittersweet taste of Donghyuck's tongue makes him forget that. They link their fingers on the table and Mark, for the first time in a while, feels like it's going to be fine.
(It's Taeyong standing in the doorway, looking mortified and angry. Mark, who is never scared of anything, is afraid. It's fucked up, he has fucked up. Donghyuck has to know it.)
They were just another sad story waiting for its end, that's a sentence that swims in Mark's mind. Drowning, not quite.
They are sitting on Mark's small apartment's floor, sides pressed together.
"We should, you know, get some type of a couple thing," Donghyuck says, a suggestion. "Rings, perhaps?" Mark shakes his head and sighs: "It's too obvious. Tattoos, too". He takes a hold of Donghyuck's hand and runs his fingers over the boy's knuckles, small black print covering them. Angel, it says.
"What then? Do you have anything, sugar?" Donghyuck asks with a slight tone of frustration in his voice. Sometimes he isn't very patient but Mark gets it. In the end, they both are just lost boys seeking for validation and closure.
"Actually, yeah. It's a bad idea though," he says, because it is bad, it is dumb. "We could, like, stomp our cigarettes to each other. Like a brand of some kind," Mark explains with a hesitation in his voice.
"That's... a good idea," Donghyuck, much to Mark's surprise, says. He grins, happy that the younger boy had accepted his idea. He is so hopelessly in love.
"I don't usually smoke inside but for you I can make an exception," Mark says and gets up to open the window, getting his packet of Marlboro from the table.
"I don't like red," Donghyuck complains and Mark rolls his eyes and sits next to him. He presses a small kiss to his cheek.
"Don't be a bitch, I know," he murmurs and leans back, taking two cigarettes from the box.
It's the same white lighter he borrowed to Donghyuck in their first meeting he lights their cigarettes up with. White lighters apparently bring bad luck but that's what his life his. Mark doesn't even believe in the concept of luck.
It sucks to sneak around like that. Like some kind of a modern version of Romeo and Juliet, except just with two Romeos who both live in poverty and deep loneliness that no one but themselves can understand.
When they consider their cigarettes to be finished, Mark flicks off the excess ash.
"Will you do it on me first?" he asks and Donghyuck nods. It will hurt like a bitch, he knows. The younger boy takes his hand and turns it around in his hold, exposing his pale wrist. Donghyuck presses a small kiss on the skin and he shivers.
Yeah, it hurts and the noise is disgusting. It leaves Mark gasping for air and grabbing Donghyuck's shoulder. But the thing about pain is that it can be horrendously addicting, just like anything else. Maybe the rush of it, maybe the reminder of being present and alive. It stings.
After he gets over the shock, he leaves the aching circular burn be and does the same to Donghyuck. Mark stomps it on the back of his hand, next to the angel tattoo and bites his tongue when Donghyuck curses a lot to suppress the pain. They both have been in pain before too, breaking noses and fixing them. The same goes with their hearts.
Later on, when Johnny asks where did he get the burn, that's obviously a shape of a cig, Mark lies.
"I was drunk and thought it was a good idea to stomp it there. Hurt like Hell," it's good that Mark has learnt how to lie properly.
(Mark is something in between of completely frozen and his nerves being on fire.
"What the fuck!" Taeyong yells and it doesn't take much until he is closer and grabbing Donghyuck by his collar. Mark almost screams.)
It's horrible to sneak around like that. It's horrible that when they say bye, it could mean goodbye, it was nice knowing you but now it's time for us to end. It's absolutely horrible to know that Donghyuck's or his own life could end any second just like that. They stand on the edge, wobbling, searching for balance and knowing that they will fall at some point. Mark knows this, Donghyuck does so too.
The thing is, his gang is his family but Donghyuck is his home. That's the only thing that makes sense. Mark knows Donghyuck understands it and it's the same other way around.
Once Mark found online a test about morals. He doesn't remember where or what, only the first question: If you were to fall in love with a member of a rival tribe, what would you do? One of the options was to run away, another one was to end your relationship and the last one was to confront your leader and argument why your relationship would be beneficial for both of the tríbes.
Mark doesn't know what to do. They could run away, to America maybe. He knows English, Donghyuck can learn it too. But they won't because you don't just betray your family after everything they have done for you.
So they will sneak around, a compromise of some kind.
(Taeyong beats Donghyuck until there's blood dripping from his nose, mouth. Until he is clutching his stomach and coughing. And Mark, he can't do anything. It makes him angry, sad, but he knows that Donghyuck understands it.)
They get to fights.
The more ordinary couple-ish fights, where they yell at each other and throw things around. Sometimes they cry and it's painful to let their guards down, but they always end up in each other's arms, telling that they are sorry and that they will be okay, some day. Mark tries to believe that.
Then there's those not-so-ordinary ones. They are when they pretend they don't know each other and it ends up with someone being stabbed, dying or breaking bones.
It's almost unfair how hard Jaehyun can punch. Mark sees it way too clearly, how his fist collides with Donghyuck's cheekbone and the said boy falls to the ground. It's his cue, so he quickly gets down and sits on Donghyuck's chest with his whole weight, and starts to beat the living shit out of him. His knuckles ache, his wrists ache and something is again turning in his stomach when Donghyuck's face is bruising in various colors. That's his blood on Mark's knuckles.
When he should throw the finishing punch, he doesn't do it and it's an apology of some kind. Mark could never kill Donghyuck, and the boy takes his chance and pushes him off of him. Then it's Mark on the ground, getting punched in the face and oh boy, it hurts. He can feel the warm blood dribbling from his nose and from Donghyuck's face above him.
Mark doesn't fight back, not really and then it all goes to black.
The next time they see each other, they laugh and kiss about it.
(When Taeyong lets go of Donghyuck, he falls to the floor. Mark knows it's his turn now and he won't run or fight, he knows it would end up worse if he did. The realization is slowly crawling up to him the same way Donghyuck is crawling towards the door.)
Mark loves Donghyuck.
It's simple and it's not. But they make it work and he thinks that's the most important thing.
Mark loves Donghyuck and his warm brown hair, he loves his tanned skin and tattooed hands. He loves all of his tattoos but his favorite one is the one on Donghyuck's thigh. It's a quote: I'm not very good at being dull. And that's it, a simple sentence that at the same time means everything to Mark. He loves Donghyuck's witty humor and snarky comments, it's special. He is special, important.
They hide themselves under a blanket and share kisses, holding each other close like they are afraid of losing. And they are, Mark is. He tells Donghyuck about how afraid he is of not being loved and accepted, how he desperately needs someone like him. How he desperately needs Donghyuck. It's the sad look in the younger boy's eyes that breaks Mark's heart a thousand times over and over again.
Donghyuck's lips are dry against his when they kiss again, Mark's mouth feels dry. There's a storm inside his stomach, an ocean.
(When Donghyuck leaves, he looks over his shoulder with tears in his eyes. It says; I'm sorry, I love you and goodbye.
Game over. He is gone.)
Every love story has its end and Mark knew that this was how theirs would.
It ends like this: Taeyong yelling at him and beating him up, threatening him. Of course Mark is angry, he is angry at himself, at Taeyong, but never at Donghyuck. They had fucked up but Taeyong had said he wouldn't kill Donghyuck which was something positive in the huge mess.
It takes time but Mark learns to understand Taeyong too. It has always been the strongest philosophy of his, your family is your priority. But Donghyuck, him Mark misses to the strengths that are hard to understand. The burn in his wrist is a faded scar, his nose still as crooked.
Mark hasn't seen Donghyuck ever since.
He has this empty space in his chest but it's alright, he is still growing and learning. Sometimes Mark sits down to a porch in front of a small grocery store, lights up a cigarette and waits for someone who will never come. Sometimes he wonders if Donghyuck is still alive, how he is doing, what would he think if he knew how Mark is doing these days. It seems like his everything still revolves around the younger boy.
He is so, so horribly cold.