Work Text:
As soon as his key turns in the lock and the front door inches open, Jeongguk hears it. He takes a deep breath and steps inside, closing the door quietly behind him. The notes float through into the hallway, soft and melancholy. Jeongguk drops his bag to the floor and pauses for a few moments, pressing the heels of his hands just below his eyes. He tries to calm himself, let some of the anger from before slip away, but it emerges again, strong as ever. He'd hoped that his workout would have released some of the tension but to no avail.
Jeongguk wanders into the kitchen. He chucks his keys onto the counter top and heads to the fridge, taking out the open carton of orange juice and drinking straight from it. He waits there, staring blankly into the stark whiteness of the shelves before finally placing the carton back and closing the door. The soft chimes of the piano still echo through. Jeongguk runs a hand through his hair before propping his elbows on the counter, leaning forward and resting his forehead against his palms.
He knew that their life together would have its ups and downs, though so far there have been a lot more ups than downs. And honestly, he wouldn't even care about the bad times, if it was something that one of them had done; something they could apologise for and move on from. But this is bigger than him or Yoongi, and he hates that he has no control over how it affects them.
Eventually Jeongguk follows the sound of the gentle melody. If he uses the gym to vent his frustrations, then Yoongi uses music, and today seems no exception. He hovers in the doorway and watches. Yoongi's back is to him but he can still see the way that long fingers move fluidly over the keys, effortlessly gliding across black and white to create a tune that sounds beautiful but with a distinct undertone of sadness.
Jeongguk knows the song well. Yoongi composed it for the group's final album. The lyrics were about struggling for what you want in life; that the hardest road is often the most rewarding and to work around obstacles rather than let them hold you back. That memories of hardships fade when you ultimately have what you desire.
Ostensibly it is a song about life as an idol; about achieving your dreams despite setbacks. It was only last year that Yoongi admitted to Jeongguk that he had initially penned it about their relationship - about the tough times they would - and have already - faced being a couple in this society. Yoongi said he decided eventually that it was far too personal for a BTS album as so changed the slant of the lyrics to suit their life in the music industry instead.
"What are you doing?" Jeongguk asks quietly. It's a stupid question but he feels like he needs to say something.
"Playing the piano."
Yoongi's tone is blunt but not excessively harsh. Jeongguk still tenses up. None of this is his fault and he wishes that Yoongi wouldn't take it out on him.
"Yeah, I'm not fucking blind," Jeongguk retorts.
"Then why ask?"
Jeongguk sighs heavily and leans against the door frame, closing his eyes and trying to keep calm. He inhales slowly. When he opens them he catches Yoongi glancing over at him out of the corner of his eye, but his gaze quickly snaps back to the piano keys when he sees Jeongguk looking.
"This isn't my fault you know."
"I know," Yoongi replies tonelessly.
He keeps playing until his fingers falter a little, the notes slowing down before abruptly dying out. Yoongi raises his hands and runs them over his face. When he brings them down he stares sadly down at his lap, chewing on his lower lip and briefly scrunching his eyes shut.
"I know," he repeats, but it's softer this time.
Jeongguk swallows thickly, wetting his lips. "I don't want this any more than you do."
"I know," Yoongi repeats once again.
"Then stop treating me like I've done something wrong," Jeongguk replies. "It's not fair."
Yoongi nods his head, looking up and over at Jeongguk. His eyes shine with an unspoken apology, but with more than that. With love and anguish too, and Jeongguk hates it when the two are paired. Yoongi exhales, quiet and slow.
"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm angry and taking it out on the wrong person. I just- I dunno, just seeing it got to me."
Jeongguk nods in understanding. This whole situation just feels fucking wrong.
Ever since it somehow got out that himself and Yoongi are living together there's been a ridiculous level of interest in the two of them. No media outlets have actually suggested that a romantic relationship might be occurring, but Jeongguk's management wanted to make it crystal clear just in case anyone might be the tiniest bit suspicious. He's never actually told his manager about himself and Yoongi but Jeongguk's pretty sure he's figured it out. Luckily he seems okay about it. How Jeongguk's fans might react, however, is a different story.
Yesterday was the second day that Jeongguk was 'accidentally' spotted out in public with a member of a girl group. Today is the day that it hit social media and gossip sites.
Consequently today is the day that Jeongguk woke up on a rare morning off to find himself alone rather than cuddled around Yoongi, and also found himself being given a decidedly frosty reception by the elder from the moment he came down for breakfast.
Yoongi tilts his head, beckoning Jeongguk over. Jeongguk takes the few steps across the room so that he's standing next to Yoongi, who’s still seated on the piano stool. He feels Yoongi's arm slide around his waist, Yoongi leaning in to rest his temple against Jeongguk's chest.
"I'm angry about it too," Jeongguk tells him. "You shouldn't take it out on me."
He rests his hand at the nape of Yoongi's neck, stroking softly. He doesn't blame Yoongi for lashing out; god knows it's something that Jeongguk does whenever things aren't going smoothly for them. But somehow Yoongi's always been the calm one, always rational. When he starts acting childish and bitter then Jeongguk just doesn't quite know how to deal with it.
"You're right, I shouldn't," Yoongi says, "and really, I am sorry. I try to be strong for you, for us, but- I have my weak moments too."
Jeongguk does get it and he also knows that he probably expects too much from Yoongi sometimes. Yoongi has his flaws too, even if Jeongguk feels like he has to search very hard to find them. Yoongi looks up at him, so full of affection amongst the sadness that Jeongguk's chest tightens rapidly.
"I just wish I could give you a better life."
Yoongi's words are whispered and he sounds so forlorn that the tightening in Jeongguk's chest gets almost painful. He crouches down so that his eyesight is more on Yoongi's level. Yoongi twists his body round to face him, cupping Jeongguk's jaw lightly.
"Shut up," Jeongguk tells him, whacking him lightly on the thigh. He hates it when Yoongi talks like that. "I love my life with you."
"I know, but- all this hiding. It's-" Yoongi searches for a word and then huffs out, "it's shit."
It pulls a soft laugh from Jeongguk, the flicker of a smile crossing his lips. "Yeah it is," he agrees. He shrugs, resigned. "It's just something that comes with this though. We can't change it."
Yoongi smiles, small and sad. "When did you get so chill about all of this?"
"Ever since that time I punched the wall."
Despite the quiet melancholy of the moment, Yoongi lets out a snort of laughter. He clearly remembers the moment well. Remembers the night of Junghyun and Eunji's wedding, when it all got a little too much for Jeongguk.
Yoongi had attended their wedding but he decided that it was best to sit with Taehyung and Jimin so as not to attract attention during the day. It felt wrong for Jeongguk, to be attending as though alone, but he knew that Yoongi was right. It was impossible for them to attend as a couple.
It was followed by an evening of Jeongguk being pestered by relatives as to whether he had a girlfriend of his own and having to decline various offers from random fucking strangers who were keen to have their eligible daughters date an idol.
Everything got a bit hard to handle. When Yoongi walked into their hotel room that night, dressed up in his suit and clutching an extra slice of wedding cake that he'd stolen for Jeongguk, the younger felt too much bitterness and anger and expressed it the only way he could. By punching the wall of the hotel room.
Luckily it was plasterboard and rather than have to go to hospital with broken fingers, the only awkwardness was having to explain to the hotel receptionist why there was a now a big hole in their wall. It's not something that Jeongguk is proud of, losing his temper like that, even if Yoongi did find it hilarious to watch him explain the problem to the hotel staff with a bright red face.
Jeongguk explained to Yoongi that he hated having to deny their relationship in front of people all day and that he’d simply had too much to drink. He decided not to tell Yoongi that the thing that angered him the most that night was having to witness the whole event and know that it was something he could never have with Yoongi. He was happy for his brother, truly he was. But to know that no matter how much he and Yoongi may love each other, that marriage will never be an option for them– well, it was a harsh slap in the face from reality.
"Not your finest moment," Yoongi smiles softly.
Jeongguk smiles too. "Seriously though. I hate doing all this cover up stuff but- if it means we can be together-"
"I get it," Yoongi says gently, sweeping back some stray strands of hair from Jeongguk’s forehead. "Sorry for acting like a dick towards you."
"What's new?" Jeongguk teases lightly.
Yoongi gives him a swift smack against his shoulder before he leans in and captures Jeongguk's lips with his own. The kiss is soft and chaste, and when they pull apart Yoongi's eyes are sparkling with more love than sadness; it looks much better on him.
Jeongguk leans in again, their lips parting more during this kiss. Their tongues slip tentatively into each other's mouths, as if both unsure if the weird tension from today has fully gone or not. There is a strange atmosphere still lingering, but it's one of resignation of the things they have to endure to be together, rather than one of simmering bitterness like before.
Their tongues meet fully, swiping soft and wet against each other. Yoongi's thumb strokes across Jeongguk's cheek and Jeongguk rests his hands on Yoongi's thighs, keeping him balanced in this crouched-down position. The kiss stays slow and tender, but it deepens enough to leave them both a little breathless when they eventually break apart.
Jeongguk stands up and tries to settle in behind Yoongi on the stool as the elder turns back to face the keys. Yoongi huffs loudly, shuffling to the very edge of the seat as Jeongguk places a leg either side of him, his chest to Yoongi's back.
"You're gonna break this stool," Yoongi mutters but Jeongguk pays him no mind.
Jeongguk slides his arms past Yoongi's waist, pressing down tunelessly on the keys. He can't see Yoongi's face but he can sense the way that Yoongi's face must be contorting in distress from the discordant sounds.
"Oh god, let me play," Yoongi sighs.
Jeongguk grins against Yoongi's shoulder. He knows how much it riles Yoongi up when he starts messing around on the piano. He knows that Yoongi especially hates it when he's playing a lovely, long piece and Jeongguk decides to press down on the lowest key he can reach right in the middle of it. So of course, that's Jeongguk's favourite thing to do.
"Fine," Jeongguk relents, and he lets Yoongi cover his hands and move them to settle around the elder's waist instead. Jeongguk plants a tender kiss to the side of Yoongi’s neck before he rests his chin on Yoongi's shoulder.
"What should I play?" Yoongi asks.
"Hmm," Jeongguk ponders briefly. "Something happy."
Yoongi thinks for a few moments, clearly trying to come up with an apt tune. Once he does he starts playing from memory, something Jeongguk finds amazing no matter how many times he sees it.
Jeongguk's not sure what the song is but it doesn't really matter. He closes his eyes and lets the notes flow through him, happy and full of promise, for the moment blocking out the tougher moments that their future brings. He focuses on the music, on his arms around Yoongi, on everything good about this moment. Their life may not always be perfect, but it's real and it's wonderful, and despite its challenges, Jeongguk knows that he's truly happy.