Chapter Text
February.
Robert rolled over for what felt like the hundredth time since he’d climbed into bed. He was exhausted, but every time he tried to sleep, the vision of Aaron flashed in front of his eyes. The look in his eyes and on his face wouldn’t leave him. He reached across for his phone to look at the time, 02:51; he ran his finger across the screen as he stared at the wallpaper. Him and Aaron from their wedding day; just over twenty-four hours ago it was the happiest day of his life…he’d married the man he loved, gained a new family and now, everything had turned upside down.
Twelve months. He couldn’t get the judge’s voice out of his head as he read Aaron’s sentence. Twelve months. 52 weeks. 365 days. How was he supposed to do this? How was he supposed to do this without him?
He climbed out of bed and picked up a hoodie off the chair, Aaron’s hoodie, and pulled it over his head taking in Aaron’s scent as he did. He padded downstairs to make himself a drink and couldn’t help but stare at the cards and gifts that were scattered around the backroom; some opened and some that would remain sealed until Aaron was home. He couldn’t open them without Aaron there.
He wandered back upstairs, drink in hand and looked in on Liv as he did, sleeping soundly, her hand clutched to a small bear they’d given her. He slowly pulled the door closed and made his way back to their room. The room that felt way too big for just him. He picked up his phone again and opened his messages, he had multiple unread messages from people telling him they were there if he needed them, but no-one knew what this felt like.
He scrolled to Aaron’s name and smiled at the message Aaron had sent that morning
“Love you hubby x”
with a heart emoji and smiling face. It then hit him that would be the last message from him for a year. He wiped away a tear that had started falling, the sleeves of Aaron’s hoodie not quite long enough for his arms and typed a message back
“I miss you x”
Robert knew Aaron wouldn’t be able to read it, but it somehow made him feel better.
March.
Two weeks had passed, and it still wasn’t any easier for Robert. He was barely sleeping, barely eating and barely working. He knew he had to, but he just couldn’t. He missed him. He missed his smile, his laugh, his scent…he even missed him hogging the duvet. He just missed him.
He was sat in the backroom of The Woolpack…TV on low, not that he even knew what was on, and despite there being another hen party going on on the other side of the wall, he had never felt it quieter than it felt now. What would they be doing if Aaron was here? Probably watching some trashy show, or football, Aaron’s choice. He’d be screaming at the ref, while Robert sat laughing at him thinking he knew better, and earning himself a prod in the side and a glare from Aaron. He scrunched his eyes shut, stopping any tears from falling, how he even had any left was a mystery to him. His phone lit up on the table in front of him;
“Liverpool 4 – Manchester United 0”
He smiled. Aaron would love that result. He scrolled back to his texts and clicked on Aaron’s name; his last text to him at the bottom of the screen. He typed another one;
“Liverpool beat Man Utd 4-0 today x”
He clicked send, and just like the previous one, the word “undelivered” flashed up. Robert sighed.
**********
He’d finally dragged himself back to work full time, splitting his week between Home James and the scrapyard. Nicola had been surprisingly understanding, something he didn’t expect. He struggled at first, but was slowly getting back to his old work self and charming clients for both companies.
He was struggling slightly with Liv; they’d argued, a lot to start with. Liv snapped at him telling him that he wasn’t her brother and that she’d wished it was him inside instead of Aaron. He wished it was as well. He pulled her into a hug; she apologised and said she didn’t mean it. He knew she didn’t, but it hurt. He’d promised Aaron he’d look after her, and he couldn’t let him down. He wouldn’t let him down. Things got easier after that; they’d spent the day together; they’d been shopping, seen a movie and had dinner out. They both needed it, they both needed to feel normal.
“Went out with Liv today,” Robert typed. “Went shopping (still not convinced her to buy a dress!), saw the new Beauty and the Beast movie (she’ll tell you I cried, but it was really her), and then food…pizza (I forgot she likes pineapple too…yum! and it totally counts as part of her five-a-day!) It was a good day. I love you xx”
He hovered over the keypad again and typed
“I cried x”
He hit send, put his phone down and smiled.
April.
April was hard. He thought seeing Aaron in the flesh would make things easier, but it made things worse. Aaron wasn’t coping well, and it broke Robert’s heart that he couldn’t do anything. He wanted to reach across the table, grab his hand and tell him everything would be okay. But he couldn’t. He got home and hugged Liv longer that day.
Easter soon appeared, and it drummed up memories for Robert of their week at Home Farm. He bought Liv multiple oversized Easter eggs, and they sat in front of the TV devouring one together, Rolo, Aaron’s favourite.
It was getting late and Liv’s head drooped down as she tried to stay awake, before Robert prodded her to go up. She stood in the doorway and threw a packet of Rolos at him, thanked him for the day and left the room. He smiled, the hardest he’d smiled in a long time and picked up his phone;
“Ate too much sugar and chocolate today, but it’s Easter, it’s allowed right?” He smiled even more and he continued typing. “Liv gave me Rolos. I think she likes me :) x”
**********
His birthday was weird. He smiled his way through it, grateful for the well wishes, the cards and the gifts, but a big part, the main part, was missing.
“Liv took me out for my birthday,” he started. “Well, I say she took me out…she borrowed £40.00 last week…and today she gave me a gift card to Forbidden Planet, a card (‘To the best brother-in-law’ it said on the front!) And then took me out for tea. Again, I say took me out…I drove and paid for parking, but everything else was her. Made a right fuss of me…you’d be so proud of her. We both miss you x”
For the first time, he thought he could do this.