Work Text:
A few years into their stay, River took up a sessional lecturer position with the local university. She only taught a couple of lessons a week, and it enabled her to do a little bit of field work when there was some to be had on Darillium. There were some fascinating natural structures below the planet’s surface— the towers did not have the only cave system, by far. However, the planet had only been colonised by humans for about 500 years, its history and contemporary art and technology throughout the years already well-documented, so any findings would likely be of more interest to a geologist than an archaeologist.
Or so it had been thought. A cavern had recently been discovered below a farm about 50 kilometres away, due to the sheep constantly congregating round the entrance, drawn by the warm draft of air venting from below the surface. This in itself was curious enough; perhaps there was some type of volcanic activity nearby. But more interesting to River were reports from the initial expedition into the cave, stating that artefacts had been sighted that did not seem to belong to any era of human colonisation. River’s reputation having preceded her, she was contacted before any detailed examination of the items or further excavation was done, and now she had an expedition to plan.
The rough layout of the cavern system had been sketched by the first team to survey it, and she had the maps and diagrams spread over the dining table, noting where artefacts had been spotted, and other likely areas to dig based on that pattern. She was doing that, until the front doors slammed open.
“What the hell?!" the Doctor shouted in sotto, incredulous. His tone said that he was talking to himself more than anything, but it was worth investigation.
“Darling?” she called out cautiously.
“River!” he burst into the room, looking pale, distractedly shedding his coat and letting it drop to the floor. “Something is— there’s— what the—”
“Okay, breathe,” she said, placing her hands firmly on the Doctor’s shoulders. “What’s going on?”
“I’m out there!”
“What?”
“Fucking Bow Tie! He’s here!”
“What?”
“Shit, we need to hit the chameleon circuit!” the Doctor hissed, and took off at a run toward the linen cupboard, leaving her sputtering and chasing after him. “We have to change the colour! The blue’s a dead tell!”
River rushed into the console room hot on his heels, pushing him aside and taking over the controls. She picked a red swatch on the monitor and flipped the switch.
“Okay, calm down, honey. Does this have to be a big deal? It’s not the first time you’ve run into yourself. What are you doing here?”
“I don’t know, I never came here before!”
“You must have done!”
“Well— I don’t remember it!”
“Well, we need to get rid of you, then.”
“I can’t do it! He’d recognise me!” the Doctor was pacing, his hands clenching and unclenching on either side of his head.
“How?!”
“I sort of borrowed the face— long story, I’ll tell you later—”
River definitely didn’t want to let that one go because, what?!, but there seemed to be more pressing matters. “Where exactly did you see him?” she asked, shutting her eyes tight and rubbing her forehead against an impending headache.
“I was coming back from town— was just at the top of the cliff when I looked back and saw him coming up the road at the bottom.”
“In the dark, from that far? You’re sure it was you?”
“Sky’s clear right now. Long coat, skinny trousers, floppy hair. I’m pretty bloody sure.”
“Well, it’s not like he has any reason to knock on our door, right? We could just stay inside.”
“Someone must have made sure I forgot this. I find it rather unlikely it was someone other than us, considering.”
River sighed. “Alright, I’ll take care of it. Let me get my lipstick.”
The Doctor’s hand caught her arm. His brows were drawn together and his mouth set in a line, his eyes fixed somewhere on the floor behind her.
“Darling, what’s the matter?” she asked softly, placing a hand on his chest. “I’ll just get him back on his TARDIS and send him home, and he won’t remember it. He mustn’t, since you don’t.”
He looked up at her, eyes still wide and haunted. She hadn’t seen that look on his face in a long time. Actually, never on this face. “It’s just, what if—” he sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. “What if there’s something he has to do here? I don’t remember, so I don’t know why he came. We have to make sure we don’t change anything.”
“I could tag along with him and see what he’s doing.”
The Doctor shook his head slowly, looking extremely pained. “River, when he sees you... he’s going to lose it. He’s in the purple, he’s alone, he’s probably... post-you. It was a…” he swallowed. “A bad time. He’s going to think this is it, our— our night on Darillium. I don’t know if I knew yet that a night was twenty-four years. I was pretty determined to put it off forever, didn’t even want to think about it, just to know it was still in the future.”
River leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight against him and kissing her hair.
“It was my own damn fault, River.”
“I wish I could go and talk to you and you could remember it. I wish I could have comforted you.”
“He’d probably wonder why you weren’t slapping him instead. I was an utter pillock. I ran from you because I was so scared of losing you. And because of that you never saw him again.”
“It wasn’t long for me, though. Nothing like it was for you.”
“Because I’m an idiot, remember. That’s all.”
River pulled back enough to look up into his eyes. “Let me go talk to him. I’ll make sure he doesn’t remember it.”
The Doctor sighed, looking sick with sadness and worry. “I— I guess you have to. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine it’ll be an easy conversation.”
“Don’t worry about that. It will be good for us. Even if you can’t hold onto it.”
The Doctor nodded reluctantly, rubbing his hand up and down her back. River leaned up to kiss him, soft and slow, then stepped back toward the door, hanging onto his fingers for as long as she could.
“Don’t worry, darling. And don’t wait up.” She winked, and he gave her the “you bad girl” look she loved so much, and she knew it would be alright.
___
River walked slowly out to the crest of the cliff. She didn’t know what to expect. She didn’t know exactly what she’d do. She only knew it was important that she see him. And then she did, only a few yards down the sloping gravel road. Her heart lurched, fluttering madly against her ribs. He was staring down at his feet, trudging slowly, aimlessly up the cliffside.
Nothing to do now but jump.
“Sweetie!” she called, trying for her usual teasing tone and definitely not quite managing it. He froze.
Her choppy steps on the steep slope took her quickly down toward him, red gravel crunching and slipping beneath her feet.
Slowly, the Doctor lifted his head. As she approached, she saw elation and horror warring on his face, his mouth hanging open. Oh, her poor Doctor.
“Ri-River,” he gasped, his voice choked. “You, you, how are you— why—”
She tried to stop in front of him, but the momentum of her descent and her considerable lack of focus on where her feet were going threw her directly into him. He caught her, his arms reflexively wrapping around her waist, and hers around his neck.
“Don’t worry,” she gasped into his ear as she regained her balance, “it’s not tonight. Not for you. It’s okay.”
He pulled back to look at her, eyes wide and jaw working soundlessly. And then, instead of speaking, he crushed her tight against his chest, actually lifting her feet off the ground and burying his face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in.
“Shh, it’s alright, it’s alright,” she soothed, stroking his hair. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
He lowered her feet back to the ground but still held her against him, hiding his face in her hair, breathing shakily and squeezing her tight.
“Why don’t we go somewhere we can talk, okay?”
He nodded dumbly against her shoulder.
They walked down the sloping cliffside to a flat outcropping a little way from the path, and sat down at the edge, legs dangling. They could see the towers from here, but they weren’t singing tonight. The Doctor held her hand tightly, still seemingly tongue-tied and looking at her like he couldn’t quite believe she was real.
“I have to tell you,” River began softly, “you’re not going to remember this. I’m sorry. I wish you could.”
“You’re here with me.” He said it with such heaviness and defeat; if only he knew how wonderful it would be.
She nodded. “You don’t remember that you ever came here before.”
“When?” he whispered.
She smiled sadly at him. “For you, not for a very long time.”
He stared down at his free hand, half curled, palm up in his lap. Then he looked back up at her suddenly, urgently— “I, I shouldn’t— you should be with him, with me—"
“Sweetie,” she squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Do you know how long a night is on Darillium?”
He paused, closing his parted lips. That would be a no.
“It’s alright. We have time.”
“Do I know? That I’m here?”
“Yes, y—er, he spotted you. You got yourself quite rattled.”
The Doctor stared down, eyes unfocussed, in the general direction of his knees. “Do you…” he swallowed. “Do you know when I am?” He glanced up at her again.
River nodded.
He reached out for her, hands grasping at her shoulders, smoothing over her hair, cradling her jaw, as the words suddenly spilled out of him in a rush. “Oh River, River, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should have gone after you, I should have stayed with you, they were your parents and I didn’t even—” he choked back a sob. “I wanted you to stay but I should have been there for you and now, I didn’t, I don’t know if I’ll ever—”
“We’re going to be together again, Doctor,” she said, lifting her hand to his cheek. “I promise. And you’ve made it all up to me. You’re forgiven. Always and completely.”
“You should hate me,” he muttered. “I’m a rubbish husband.”
“I could never hate you, my love. But you did tell me that you’d likely be expecting me to slap you.”
His lips almost twitched into a smile. “What's it like, tonight? Do I… do I make you happy?”
“You’ve always made me happy, sweetie. I was just— hurting after Manhattan. I was... I convinced myself that maybe you didn’t...” She trailed off, trying to collect her thoughts. She didn’t want to say anything to hurt him. “Yes, you make me so happy. You always have done, but it only gets better.”
He nodded, his faint eyebrows drawn up but seeming relieved, and leaned closer into her. “I miss you so much,” he breathed against her cheek, his voice breaking.
River took his chin in her hand, and his lips were already parting, his eyes drifting shut as she angled his face toward hers.
It was just the same. Exactly as she remembered, and exactly as if she were kissing the Doctor waiting for her at home. The same tenderness, passion, love; the same sparks shooting down her spine. He pulled her closer and buried his hands in her hair, his lips moving softly over hers, warm and attentive to her every little response, showing her all the things he hadn’t yet become able to put into words. She felt dizzy, overwhelmed with the joy of being able to reach across time and always find him just like this, her perfect bespoke match. He truly never changed in the ways that mattered. Heart spoke to hearts, and theirs belonged to each other.
They parted gradually, coming back together for a few more soft kisses, reluctant to fully break away. The Doctor's hands never moved from her face, thumbs stroking gently over her cheeks, his clear hazel eyes shining with unshed tears.
“God, River, I… I—”
“I know,” she whispered, smiling. “You tell me every day.”
“Oh.” He paused, and she could see his mind seizing with furious hope onto ‘every day’ and filing it away. “Good, because I’m— I’m rubbish but you know— you know, I,” he swallowed, “I love you, River. So much.”
Hearing it in his voice, trembling with emotion, was such a rare occasion that she found herself choking back tears. “I love you,” she whispered against his lips, and kissed him again.
___
They walked slowly, side by side back to his TARDIS, holding each other close. They took the long way round, but finally she came into view, the outline of the blue box bleeding into deep blue sky, parked in clear view of the towers.
“Why did you come here?” River asked, gazing at his downturned face.
The Doctor stared ahead into the sandy path. “I don’t know. I was terrified to, but I wanted to see what it was like. Since I thought it... it might be the next time. I was afraid if I went to see you, it would be. So I just came here. I thought I’d come long after we would have been here.”
River smiled. “I’m sure Sexy had her reasons for putting you here now.”
He smiled softly back at her. “She’s always looking out for me.” He came to a stop, shoes scuffing on the gritty sand. He studied her for a moment, and then he turned and threw his arms around her, squeezing her close. “I wish I could remember this,” he said into her ear. “I need you, River.”
“I know,” she said, kissing his jaw. “I’m so sorry, sweetie.”
Her phone buzzed in her pocket.
The Doctor stepped back as she glanced at him apologetically and slipped it out to take a look.
“Is that…planetary service only? How long is—”
“Spoilers,” she said, not looking up from the screen.
[River]
[Bloody intractable woman]
[Don’t know what you’re on about darling]
[Dropping you home, got my lipstick]
[Don’t.]
[I remember it]
[What, just now?!]
“Alright?” the Doctor asked, scuffing his foot in the dirt uncomfortably.
“Just a second, honey.”
[Thought it was a dream. Just realised it was you]
[Just fuzz him up a bit so he’s not sure]
[Not a problem.]
[I had more dreams that were really you didn’t I]
[Maybe]
[When you said don’t wait up, I didn’t think you were actually going to]
[Ugh]
[Well]
[NOW I am]
[Fuck.]
[We talked about you being jealous of yourself]
[It’s ridiculous]
[And I will enjoy it very much when I get home]
[Love you]
[Ugh.]
[Love you]
“Sweetie,” she said, looking up at him, beaming. “I fancy a drink.”
The smile that lit up his face as he reached up to straighten his bow tie made him look more himself than he had all evening. “Well then, Professor Song,” he leaned into her, voice low and teasing by her ear, “want to come back to mine?”